How to Get Out of Survival Mode

Episode 17

My only tiktok to ever go mega viral to get millions of views was one about "7 signs you're stuck in survival mode." Survival mode seems to be the new default and there's reasons why. Join me for a conversation where I'll cover what survival mode is, why we get stuck in it, and 4 main components to shifting out of survival mode as part of healing anxiety & depression. Hit play to learn more!

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The Regulate & Rewire podcast and content posts by Amanda Armstrong is presented solely for general informational, education, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast of materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advices of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

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Transcript

00:06

My only TikTok post that has ever gotten mega viral that's literally gotten millions and millions of views was this really simple video, where I acted out seven signs, you're living in survival mode. So today's conversation is all about what survival mode is how we get stuck in it and what we can do to get out of this constant chronic survival mode. So those seven signs that I acted out, so maybe doing a little bit of reflection here was that everything feels urgent. No day feels like a good day. You are always reactive. Nothing feels good enough, you zone out often. You're often exhausted, you wake up feeling stressed out. So how many of those seven? Did you nod your head yes to, that's gonna be a good indicator about how needed today's episode might be for you. Now, there are a lot of other mental and physical signs of chronic survival mode, those are just seven that I chose. And again, it was wild, it was wild for a post that was so simple to go so viral. And the comments 1000s And 1000s of comments of like seven out of seven, this is so me, oh my gosh, I didn't know survival mode was a thing. This is my life. And the reality is, I'm not at all surprised that this was something that resonated and felt familiar to so many people. We all at least here in the United States that I think most of us around the world, our society values, productivity overwhelming. It praises us for being busy and self sacrificing. It glorifies the hustle and the grind. And I know because I lived this for so so so long, filling every single minute of my day with things to do I sacrifice my rest. I was constantly putting other people's needs over my own. Don't even ask me about self care. I don't even think I really knew what that was. I had recklessly abandoned my needs.

02:28

And I lived this first so so so long, filling every minute of my day with things to do sacrificing my rest and even asked me about self care. I had recklessly abandoned my needs in the name of being a good sister, good friend, good employee. And since then, I have taught hundreds of people and a masterclass I ran on. Wait a second, why is this?

02:57

And I lived this for so, so long, filling every minute of my day with things to do. I sacrifice my rest, don't even ask me about self care. For years, I had recklessly abandoned my needs in the name of being a good sister, friend, employee and so on. But since that post went viral, I have taught multiple masterclasses hundreds and hundreds of people have attended on how to get out of survival mode. This is a topic that comes up weekly with different clients. And today I want to dive into this with you. Because I know that there are a lot of you here listening who are living in survival mode right now. So in today's conversation, I am going to cover what is survival mode, kind of how we get stuck in survival mode in the first place. And then what you can do to start to shift out of survival mode. 

04:06

So answering that first question, what is what is survival mode I think we throw this term around a lot, but we don't often define it. So when we go into quote survival mode, this is simply referring to the physiological the body based and psychological mind based shifts that we make to prepare us to survive. It is the mind and body changes that happen when our nervous system perceives a threat. And this can be a temporary response to a stressor, or it can become a more permanent state. So when we talk about how you know you're living with a dysregulated nervous system, we're referring to you living in survival mode. 

04:44

So in terms of this being a temporary response or a permanent state, an example might be, let's say you are driving and the car in front of you stops abruptly and you almost unintentionally slam your brakes on too. So your nervous system perceived a threat And in almost an instant your mind and your body shifted gears and took action in the name of survival in the name of self preservation. What happened inside of you was, there's a little part of your brain called the amygdala. And it was like danger, that changed your heart rate, it changed your respiration rate, it changed your blood pressure and your blood flow, mental and physical things shifted in order for you to immediately respond. Or maybe you have a upcoming exam, or a hard conversation that you need to have with your boss. So you're feeling nervous, your heart beats faster, your thoughts are kind of racing, you maybe have this urge to fight, right to get argumentative or to flee to run away, maybe your survival response is actually to freeze up. 

05:44

And so what makes it temporary versus a more constant state is that ideally, when that stressor passes, your system resets. So you take that test or you have that conversation, you don't get into a car accident and your mind and your body returned to a calm and regulated baseline where you feel capable you feel present. But there are so so many of us that are living in a more constant state of survival mode. And so this happens when our nervous system does not get that reset. And that excess survival energy gets stored in our system layer by layer over time. And as it builds up, it resets our baseline to that more activated a yellow zone that more red and shut down. And this is often the root cause of anxiety and depression. So this accumulation of stored cerebral energy creates that new baseline for our system. So instead of returning to a baseline of common regulation, after something passes, you return to a baseline that is still really hypervigilant. It's tense, it's stressed out. 

06:53

And so I often teach and work with clients how anxiety and depression where we look at anxiety and depression, not as the separate diagnoses, not necessarily as disorders or anything going wrong, but anxiety and depression are spectrums of survival mode, they are spectrums of being stuck in states of dysregulation. So that anxiety is that urge to fight or to flee, it's that activation. And then when the stressors last too long, or they get too big, our survival mode becomes that shutdown state more depression freeze, where we feel really stuck. 

07:37

So quick recap what is survival mode, it is a physiological and psychological state. So it's mind and it's body based. It is an instinctual response that prepares our body to usually confront some kind of threat. So a lot of times when we think about survival mode, we think about stress. And when we think about stress, we think it's just a mind thing. But it actually has more to do with the body than anything. So during a survival response, your body's physiology changes, again, in ways that maximize survival. 

08:12

So here's what happens, a stressor or threat is detected, the sympathetic nervous system is activated. So this leads to increased heart rate, blood pressure, your pupils dilate, your optics change, your respiration changes, stress hormones, like cortisol and adrenaline are released providing that burst of energy and that heightened awareness, which in a temporary situation can be really, really helpful. But when it becomes prolonged, it becomes really problematic. So in this state, the body prioritizes, immediate survival over other bodily functions. So other things that happen is our digestion slows down, blood flow gets redirected to major muscle groups, our attention narrows on whatever perceived threat it is, and if there isn't an immediate threat in our environment, then our focus and our brain power starts to catastrophize well, what could be wrong preparing for Worst case scenario and so on. And like I just alluded to, in addition to that fight or flight, that activated response, there's also a freeze response and that is another survival mechanism where the body goes into an immobilized state. This is also called hypo arousal. And that's in response to overwhelming threats. 

09:25

So oftentimes when the stressor, like I said, is too big or lasts too long And these responses are evolutionarily. And these responses are evolutionary, they're adaptive, but when they aren't temporary as a response to a specific threat that passes. When this becomes a chronic state day after day, year after year, it can cause some really big problems for us, even beyond just an anxiety or depression diagnosis. When you stay in survival mode, it keeps your entire system on overdrive, right. Any machine working in constant overdrive will break down over time, and you and your body are no different. 

10:30

And so we see clients in our practice all the time, and they. This ongoing stress response disrupts the body's natural balance. It increases risk for various health problems such as cardiovascular disease, it weakens the immune system. It can create digestive issues, hormonal imbalances, it can create mental health disorders. We have linked things like anxiety, depression, PTSD, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc, to. Chronic stress, it disrupts emotional regulation, it can create cognitive impairments, things like concentration, memory, decision making, problem solving sleep disturbances, relationship issues, it can be the root cause of burnout and exhaustion. There are so so many things that we put ourselves at higher risk to or create because our body operates in this overdrive state for so long. 

12:09

And in at Rise As We and my mental health practice, we see this in our clients all the time, where they tell us that they logically understand that that they live a good life, but it doesn't feel good. Even when things are going as planned. They're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. They share things like feeling guilty or uncomfortable anytime they try to sit or rest. They often jump to worst case scenario or assume the worst about themselves, they get really easily frustrated, like it takes just the tiniest thing to throw them off. And so again, some other symptoms that you might be operating in survival mode could be that chronic fatigue, sleep issues constantly feeling overwhelmed, heightened anxiety, or depression. 

12:55

For me, this was my system, always on high alert. And it would bounce between both. Heightened anxiety, even depression. And for me when I was struggling, my system was always on such high alert that it would bounce between both what felt like activation and shutdown anxiety and depression. I would be go go go, go, go, go, go go go. And then the tiniest thing could go wrong. And I would just completely shut down. 

13:34

Other signs you're living in survival mode could be that you have difficulty concentrating. It was a long, long, long, long journey for me to sort out whether some of my symptoms were ADHD or chronic survival mode. And I'll have to deep dive into that in another episode. That's a really interesting conversation and journey and story. But the symptoms can look the same. If you lack motivation, if you know that you should be doing things but you can't get yourself to do it. That's a sign of burnout and survival mode, physical tension in the body chronic pain and chronic inflammation. Decreased immune function if you feel like you're getting sick a lot, or have become intolerant or more intolerant to foods that you weren't before digestive issues, and so on. So okay, okay, okay. You get it. 

14:24

Many of you do not need help identifying that you're in survival mode, you need to better understand how you got there and how to shift out. So moving on to the second question of how do we get stuck in survival mode. There are so many reasons why individuals get stuck in survival mode, or get stuck in these states of dysregulation, heightened stress shut down. And if you've listened to the first few episodes of this podcast, you have heard me talk about something called your stress bucket. Now, if PS if you haven't listened to those first few episodes, I highly recommend it because that is a good Great way to just give yourself a paradigm shift to understand the basics of anxiety and depression. Through a nervous system lens, I introduce some basic concepts that I constantly refer to in future episodes like the stress bucket. 

15:12

So I'll do a quick review. I want you to imagine a bucket for a second, right? We understand that a bucket can only get so full before it overflows are so heavy that we can't pick it up. Now imagine that your nervous system is this bucket, it only has a limited carrying capacity before it starts to overflow, or we get so weighed down to the point of shutdown. 

15:38

So I'm going to touch on six categories of things that can add load, add stress to your stress bucket, AKA your nervous system. And as I do, I want you to consider doing a personal check in on how heavy or applicable each one of these categories feels for you right now. And this is an awareness exercise and awareness is the first step to change awareness is what gives you choice. In our coaching programs, we walk our clients through a similar exploratory exercise to help them see what's in their stress bucket, what is weighing down their nervous system? What's keeping them either what created survival mode and or what is perpetuating it. And this exercise, when we go through this with our clients, it does two really fundamental things. The first is there's always this moment where they look down at that paper and they're like, Oh, crap, I have been caring, a lot. Like No wonder I'm stressed No wonder I'm struggling. No wonder life feels really heavy right now, because it is. And this awareness, while held in that safe coaching container creates beautiful self compassion, that then helps them drive their healing journey in a new way. And the second thing that gets created is awareness. Right, this awareness gives each of our clients choice, when they can see that everything they're carrying.

17:10

When they can see everything they're carrying, laid out in front of them, they can be more strategic about what they want to put down or how much capacity they need to be able to carry some of the non negotiable heavy stuff. It's not always about getting rid of the stress, because sometimes we don't have control over what this season of our life entails. So when putting down our stressors isn't an option. There are specific things that we do with our clients to increase their capacity to self regulate to increase their capacity to carry life stressors without becoming so symptomatic, and dysregulated. 

17:47

So again, here are six categories that commonly contribute to survival mode. And I invite you to do just a personal check in on how heavy or applicable each of these categories feels for you right now. So the first is just general chronic stress. This is prolonged exposure to stressors without adequate periods of rest, and recovery. So if you feel like you have just been stressed and are always stressed for as long as you can remember. A we want to take a look at what's contributed to that. But just acknowledging that that's taken and taking a physiological toll. So this could be and with our clients, we pair this out. And we look at what are the work stressors, what are the home stressors, what are your mental stressors, right things like negative self talk, etc. This might be things like a work presentation. Relational stressors, and so on. 

18:57

The second category is to reflect on the trauma or past experiences, and we don't need to. And we often don't dive into the nitty gritty or the details of those traumatic or past experiences with our clients. Instead, we say, hey, there's things that have happened to you. Right? We need to acknowledge that. And can we look at how those things are still impacting you today in a way that feels hard in a way that feels heavy. We also know that traumatic experiences with a recent or from the past have a lasting impact and they imprint the nervous system. So the effects of trauma can disrupt the body's natural stress response. And they make it challenging to regulate our emotions to return to a sense of safety and calm. 

19:41

And so this is also where we do a little bit of education for our clients, helping them understand the imprint that trauma has on the nervous system and how we function and how we regulate. So again, that awareness gives you choice. No longer are you writing the story that I suck or I'm broken but oh this is how Our systems are wired. When I understand that system, I can work better with it towards healing. The third category is learned patterns and habits. So over time, the body and the mind become accustomed to operating in survival mode. So this could impact patterns and habits that you have that are perpetuating survival mode. So looking at different thought patterns, habit patterns, which ones are constantly in a stress response.

20:59

The third category are emotional factors. So these are emotional states like fear anxiety, this persistent sense of threat contributes to staying in survival mode, unresolved emotions or difficulty in processing them in a healthy way, continues to activate that stress response. So how good do you feel like you are at becoming emotionally regulated? Does it take just a little bit for you to feel pretty volatile or pretty emotional? Is it hard for you to reset from that? 

21:28

Environmental factors. So the environments that we live in can influence our stress levels. So high pressure work environments, super cluttered spaces, really noisy. So if you're in a place that has a lot of sensory input, so there's a lot of sound or bright lights, smells, etc, that can be really overwhelming for our system. 

21:50

The fifth thing is to look at your lifestyle factors. So sleep quality, movement, either Are you over exercising, or maybe you're too sedentary throughout the day? Inflammation? Are we eating inflammatory foods, inputs? What kind of content? are we consuming? How often are we looking at screens, etc. All of this can read and perpetuate stress responses in our body. 

22:16

And the sixth category is a lack of coping skills. So again, this is more of a category that is in response to a lot of the other categories. But do you feel like you have appropriate tools and techniques to handle stress? emotional regulation, to reset from moments of anxiety, sadness, grief, etc? And if the answer is no, okay, and so what we do when we explore these different categories, and we pair these out, and even more detail with our clients is we've just put it all out on the table, right? When you're trying to build a puzzle, you put all the pieces out on a table in front of you. So you know what you're working with, you don't like put some on the kitchen table and some on the coffee table and some on the kitchen counter. And so the idea of this stress bucket exercises, what we call it in our practice, is to say, Hey, what are all of the pieces on the table, because now we can start to move some of those things around, we have more awareness, we can see what's in front of us. 

23:18

And so what's helpful in doing this exploration with a practitioner is that this can be dysregulated, you're looking at a lot of heavy, hard things in your life. And being able to do an exercise like this alongside somebody who can also help you maintain that sense of self compassion. And that also hope that this is part of a really beautiful healing journey can make sure that this doesn't add to your stress response in an unmanageable way.

23:57

And as you're doing this, it is so important to recognize that getting stuck in survival mode is not a personal failure, you likely again live in a society that perpetuates and exasperates the dysregulation, a society that values that productivity over rest, competition over connection, hustle busyness. So getting out of survival mode means that you understand that you live in that context, and that you want to start to do some things differently. 

24:25

So what does that look like? How do you get out of survival mode? So moving on to that third question, and I had someone asked me on this tiktok video in a comment they said, you know, how do I snap out of survival mode? And the reality is that you don't you don't snap out of survival mode, you walk you step you maybe even crawl out of survival mode. Because survival mode is an overwhelmed nervous system, you are stuck in a state of fight flight freeze or set shut down. 

25:22

If you are living in survival mode, then your nervous system has oftentimes recalibrated to that yellow zone of activation, or that red zone of shutdown being your new normal. Even though it's not ideal, it's become familiar. And your nervous system will always go with familiar dysfunction that it knows how to survive. Over unfamiliar regulation or optimal functioning. If you are used to being in a high adrenaline stressed out state, then you will seek out things to perpetuate and to stay there. Things that make our nervous system feel safe, our predictability, a sense of control consistency. And so if we try to, you know, quote, unquote, snap out of survival mode, if we go all in on something, we make extreme changes really quick. This actually reads to our nervous system as destabilizing as unpredictable. And so even though Survival Mode isn't comfortable, it can become familiar, our brains and our nervous system adapt to that. 

26:24

So if you do something too extreme to try to snap out of survival mode, it might actually reinforce your need to be in survival mode, because you've stripped yourself of that level of predictability. So we do not snap out of survival mode, we step and shift slowly showing our mind and body that it can be safe without constantly over functioning or being hyper vigilant. There's a lot of processing that has to happen in this journey as well. And there is no one path out. This looks unique for everyone. 

26:59

And so again, thinking about that bucket analogy that I talked about. It helps us to create a blueprint that we often work off of with our clients, that includes four main things. So in this work of learning how to shift out of survival mode, really healing anxiety, and depression has four major components. So think about that bucket. 

27:26

Number one is how do we decrease the load? How do we make the bucket lighter? 

27:30

Number two is how do we increase capacity? How do we increase our capacity to hear it? How do we increase our capacity to carry a heavy load because inevitably, life is going to drop something unpredictably heavy in that bucket, we want the ability to not be completely crushed by it. 

27:55

Number three, you've got to learn how to poke holes in the bucket. Right? We often call these your reactive tools. This is things like you know, emotional regulation, somatic practices, like in the moment strategies, when you notice your buckets getting heavy, you're becoming symptomatic, what tools do you have in the moment to poke some holes in that bucket to relieve some of that stress on both your physiology and your psychology. 

28:21

And the fourth component of this is healing some of that really, really hard, heavy stuff. And again, this happens gradually and slowly. 

28:29

So before we end today, I want to expand a little on those components of shifting out of survival mode. So number one, decreasing the load. This starts with that stress bucket exploration with getting clear on what's creating the nonstop stress cycles, and then getting clear on what's in my control and what's not what matters most what can I let go of. And then you end up being left with the pieces, the stress that either feels worth opting into or the stressors that you you don't have control over. 

29:01

And so now we need to move on to step two, which is increasing our capacity. So this includes coping skills. And this can look a million different ways. emotional regulation skills, what are the specific practices that help you to? Reverse the spirals of intense anger or grief or anxiety or shut down. There are specific practices that we do with our clients that help to shift their physiology. Things like cold exposure specific breathwork practices, exercise in a way that gives their physiology and increased capacity for stress without feeling overwhelmed. Increased center capacity by creating more of that predictability, sense of control consistency. In previous episodes, we've talked a lot about context choice connection. 

30:07

And then number three, is learning to poke holes in the bucket. So again, some of these are in the moment coping skills. So we need to proactively right increasing our capacity, we call this proactive regulation. These are proactive skills that we cultivate, poking holes in the bucket. These are the reactive tools, the reactive practices. So when you are stuck in survival mode, your body your physiology is operating in a really activated state, there are tangible in the moment ways to shift your physiology to help turn on your relaxation response. 

30:50

And this concept of reactive regulation tools is something I will do another whole episode on in the future, but just know that there are in the moment practices and maybe take a moment to reflect on do you already have some of those for you, when you are starting to feel anxious? Is there a certain thing that helps? Is it going outside? Is it drinking cold water? Is it giving your body a quick shake? Is it calling a friend. So when you notice that your buckets getting heavy that your stress responses spiraling up and out? What can you do in the moment to relieve some of that. 

31:22

And then the fourth is doing that deeper healing work, the trauma, work, healing the really heavy stuff, the toxic relationships, the situations, unlearning negative beliefs about yourself or the world, doing some of this trauma re parenting, this also contributes to decrease load, it helps to grow your window of tolerance. When we can, again reparent that trauma rewire unhelpful beliefs, set boundaries in toxic settings or with people. But it's important to note that doing this, this is number four for a reason, because doing this deeper work can be stressful, it is dysregulated. And so before we dive into this intense healing work with our clients, we make sure that they have the tangible regulation tools to manage dysregulation in the moment and that we have created a more regulated foundation and given them capacity, right, which is what we do with one, two and three above. And this is work that I would.

32:34

And of course, this is work that we would love to support you with in our practice, whether in one on one coaching or inside Rise, my monthly mental health membership. But here is how some of you can start doing this work, if on your own is what you want to do. Or you can even take some of these things that you're hearing, send this podcast to a therapist or another mental health practitioner that you're already working with. And I would say to start with one, two, and three, awareness, increase your capacity, right? That's us coping skills. And number three is learn some tangible things that help you to poke holes in your bucket. So go back in the episode and do some of that awareness exploration either on your own or with us or with another practitioner or friend, start to explore what are some things that you can do to proactively increase your capacity? Are there lifestyle practices? Are there emotional regulation, coping skills that you can get? And then number three is what are the in the moment practices when you notice you're connected enough to notice your survival mode is, is rearing its head at a different level, what helps you to regulate in the moment and I would say some three places that you can start could be breathwork. Start with simple.

34:14

So you've got to do the awareness exercise. But here are three suggestive places that can be either proactive, so you can do this just consistently to help increase your capacity. These are also some practices you could do in the moment. So these could work for number two, or number three to poke those holes or help increase capacity. And the first is breathwork. This is a powerful way to shift our physiology. And what I want to invite you to do is just start really simple. First thing in the morning, take three to five deep breaths. Breathing in through your nose to the count of four, and out to the count of four. So just an equal breath. 

34:56

If you're feeling activated and anxious, you can do an extended exhale breath so That's where you maybe inhale for four, exhale for six. So first thing in the morning, allowing yourself to maybe just take the edge off some stress that you wake up with, with three to five deep breaths, This activates our vagus nerve. This helps to tap in and tell our system to turn on that relaxation response just a little bit. 

35:20

The second thing, and these are simple suggestions I'm making none of this is novel. But I'm going to give you a little research behind why. The second is sunshine, there was a hospital in Pittsburgh that found that patients on one side of the hospital were healing significantly better than the other side. And the difference they realized was that one side of the hospital had sunshine coming in the windows for most of the day. And the other side did not it was up against just another tall building. What we know is that sunshine changes our neural chemistry and it helps us to be more resilient, again, helping us to be more resilient against stress, getting out of survival mode. 

36:00

And the third thing is movement. Another study found that just 15 minutes a day on a stationary bike increased activity in the neural circuits responsible for emotional control, and regulation. It also showed an increase in serotonin levels, that's our brains feel good and happy chemicals. 

36:17

So if you're at a place where you just want to do something, which one of these three sounds like a good place for you to start a simple breathwork, sunshine or movement, you can do these all three proactively to help increase your capacity to carry a heavier load, or reactively. In the moment, go step outside, go on a walk, take a few deep breaths. And so my hope is that these and other practices that you do, then create capacity for you to do the deeper work which I feel strongly that we do alongside support. 

36:51

So positive life changes, they lead to positive brain changes, and then these positive brain changes help you then create more positive lifestyle changes. So the three tangible takeaways from today's conversation is that survival mode takes a very real mental and physical toll. So it makes sense. And it makes sense that this has become the default for so many of us. A lot of that is created by our experiences from the past and the systems and culture that we're a part of the experiences that we have had to survive, and the lack of coping skills that were taught to us things by and large, that are out of your control. So your current state of survival mode is not your fault. But you are the only person who can do what you need to end the cycle to get out of survival mode. And the first step to that is awareness. And being willing to change some of the things about the way that you're living, we cannot be in constant Go, go, go, go go. We cannot live a life that feels constantly urgent and get out of survival mode, we've got to break some of those cycles. Number two, the four major components to shifting out of survival mode, decreasing the load, increasing your capacity, and learning to poke holes in that bucket and healing the really heavy stuff. And number three, is just a reminder that you do not snap out of survival mode, you step out. So reflecting on what small shift you can make today to take on less or to release a little bit more. 

38:38

And as always, if you feel like this work is too hard to do on your own. Please seek out support whether that is with us inside my practice, or somewhere else. Just know that none of us really, really, really walk this journey alone. And a lot of survival mode is perpetuated by thinking that we have to sending you so much hope and love in your healing and I'll see you in the next episode. 

39:15

Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rise, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.