Reactive Regulation: Your In-The-Moment Nervous System Toolkit (Part 5: B2B Series)

In part 5 of our Back to Basics series, we explore reactive regulation, a powerful approach to managing your nervous system in moments of anxiety, overwhelm, or shutdown. Learn how to use your body's natural stress responses to create a personalized toolkit for finding more calm and intentionality amidst life's challenges.

*click here to view the impala video I referenced in the episode

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Understanding reactive regulation as a "first-aid kit" for your nervous system during moments of anxiety, overwhelm, or shutdown
• How to complete natural stress cycles that often get interrupted in modern life
• The importance of "meeting your nervous system where it is" rather than forcing calm or energy
• Tool layering: matching intervention intensity to your current state, then gradually shifting toward regulation
• Examples of reactive regulation tools for different nervous system states
• Why practicing regulation tools proactively makes them more accessible during difficult moments

Key Takeaways:

1. Reactive Resourcing: Reactive regulation is like a first-aid kit for your nervous system - a set of tools that provide temporary safety cues to help you bridge the gap between stress and regulation in moments of dysregulation.
2. Meet Your System: The principle of "meeting your nervous system where it is" and "tool layering" is essential - rather than forcing calm when activated or high energy when shut down, acknowledge your current state first and then incrementally guide yourself toward regulation.
3. Proactive Practice: Proactively practicing your reactive regulation tools in low-stress situations makes them more accessible and effective when you're facing bigger challenges.

Next Episode Preview: Join me for part 6 where we'll explore proactive regulation - the inner work, lifestyle, relational, and environmental choices that set the stage for more regulated living.

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Transcript

0:00  
Welcome to regulate and rewire an anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong, and I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in.

Welcome back. This is part five of our back to the basic series where I am reiterating and elaborating on some of the core tenants of my methodology of how we work with clients in my practice to understand and approach healing anxiety and depression through a nervous system lens. And each of the episodes in this series have and will continue to build a little bit on the concepts of the previous ones. So if you are joining for the first time, I highly recommend, if you want to engage with the series, that you go back and start with part one now a quick review of last week in part four, we chatted about the stress bucket and how our nervous system can only take on so many stressors before overflowing, before getting so heavy that it pushes you down that nervous system ladder into states of dysregulation, namely, activation or shut down that yellow zone or red zone, and once we help our clients bring more awareness to how they uniquely experience each of these states through something we call nervous system mapping, their natural next question is like, Okay, now what cool I know when I'm activated or I can better identify when I'm moving into shutdown states. But now what? What are the tangible tools to help me be more regulated in the moment? 

And that is what we're going to be talking about today, something I call reactive regulation, or reactive resourcing, in these moments where you notice that you are in a state of dysregulation, you really have two choices. Choice number one is, how do I support myself here? I notice that I'm activated. How can I resource what can help me feel more safe being activated? Can I build more capacity for being in this discomfort or this frustrating situation? And choice number two is to try to change your state. I notice I'm activated. That's not advantageous for the situation at hand. I need to be more regulated. How do I use my physiology? How do I work with my mind body system to communicate safety so that I can be in that green zone or so I can at least move up that nervous system ladder? 

So I use these two terms, reactive regulation and reactive resourcing pretty interchangeably. But if you want to get into the splitting hairs, it's because reactively in the moment, you have two choices to regulate, to shift your state, or to try to resource, to support yourself where you are. And understanding this and building out a unique regulation toolkit is something that we find to be a game changer for our clients, and something that they often have felt really lacking from more traditional talk therapy approaches. I've had a number of individuals book discovery calls with me or reach out to me on social media. I asked my therapist for tangible tools. I asked them what I could do when I was about to have a panic attack, or what I could do when I was feeling really low. And I have heard everything from responses like, Well, what a great question, and then followed by moments of silence, or, Why don't you just think about something that you're grateful for. And while that might work for someone, if you don't understand or the practitioner that you're working with doesn't understand the physiology of these different states, it's going to be really hard for them to give you tangible tools in the moment that help you shift or support that physiological state. 

And so if you are somebody who has ever felt yourself feeling anxious or spiraling into a panic attack, noticing that you are in that downward spiral of depression or shut down and wondered, What can I do? What can I do right now to reverse this spiral? What can I do right now to make sure that I don't get deeper into this dysregulation than this episode is for you that is the education, the context, and hopefully some tools I want to help put on your radar, to begin to experiment or reflect on in your own healing journey. Now, before we get into the How to reactively regulate, let me first set the stage by helping you understand maybe a little bit more clearly what I mean by reactive regulation, and I will do that in part by also comparing it to something I call proactive regulation, which is what we will be talking about next time. 

So reactive regulation are the in. In the moment, tools that work with your mind, body system to help you feel more resourced in a particular state, or to help you shift your state versus proactive regulation, which is a more strategic, reflective process. This often includes deeper work so that you are dysregulated less often. All of the clients we work with need some amount of both. If we come back to our conversation last week on the stress bucket, you can think about reactive regulation is oh my gosh, my stress bucket is really full right now. What can I do to poke some holes in it, to quickly let some water out so that I'm not so overwhelmed, so I'm not so symptomatic? However, your symptoms show up for you. Proactive regulation is my stress bucket feels so full all the time. What am I going to do to make sure that I bring that water line down so that life is less overwhelming, so that my baseline state isn't so dysregulated. 

Oftentimes, what people initially come into our programs looking for, or maybe what you came to or continue to come to this podcast, looking for, is reactive tools. We often hear something like, quote, teach me the tools so that I don't have to feel so much anxiety and depression. I want to remind you that the goal is not less signaling from your brain and body. I am not here today to offer tools to minimize and ignore your symptoms that are messages from your body. The end goal is to understand the underlying cause of the activation or shut down in your nervous system and to heal it there to say what is in my stress bucket, and how can I address those things at the root, and then as a natural result, there is less for my system to be alarmed about. So while reactive resourcing is an incredibly important part of healing. The goal is not for you to have to use these tools every single day for the rest of your life. The end goal is to create a greater capacity within your system before you become overwhelmed. An end goal is to design and live a life that is supportive and sustainable to your psychology and your biology, and those things are really at the heart of what we support all of our clients in doing. And so while that deeper, more comprehensive approach is often the end goal, is what creates sustainable, lasting healing for our clients, especially our clients who feel like they've tried everything and are still stuck in these cycles of anxiety or depression, oftentimes what they need at the beginning of their healing journey are more immediate support tools to help them find some sense of stability. 

Now, before I get in again to how these tools work, let me summarize and be really clear on some key principles of reactive resources. Number one, they are temporary safety cues that help you bridge the gap between stress and regulation. Number two, they work with your body's natural regulation system, or natural stress cycles, which I'll talk more about in a minute. Number three, they help you create a relationship with your body's signals. Before you can reactively regulate, you have to be able to say, hey, what state Am I in? What state Am I in? We have to start to build some interoceptive awareness, to build the skill of being in conversation and noticing our body when many of us, out of necessity, for a variety of reasons, have had to disconnect from that conversation. So number four is they support you in being with emotions, not just minimizing or escaping them. And finally, a reminder that they are not what provides a long term fix to our problems or our symptoms. They are there to support you in the moment. 

For example. So how to bring some of these key principles in an example format, let's say that you are really tense or you're really angry in the moment. A practice like tense and release. This is a somatic practice. You inhale, squeeze your fist, tighten your body, tighten your muscles, exhale release, and this physical release can often invite more of a psychological, somatic release as well that might help you take the edge off your anger in the moment, so that you can respond more intentionally, but it doesn't eliminate the need to possibly Explore at a future time, what about that situation made you so angry to begin with? Maybe it's helpful to think about reactive regulation, a bit like having a first aid kit for your nervous system. So when you find yourself in moments of overwhelm, instead of thinking, I'm so overwhelmed, I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know what to do. I. You now, with your reactive toolkit, you have specific tools to reach for. That inner dialog can instead sound like I'm so overwhelmed, I'm so overwhelmed, and I have tools to reach for, and I know different ways I can try to support myself in this moment of overwhelm. 

Now let's back up for a minute with a quick refresher on how your nervous system works. So your nervous system is constantly scanning your environment, your internal body systems, emotions and your relationships. That's that inside, outside and in between for signs of threat and safety, and when there are more cumulative stress or threat cues. Then there are safety cues. We shift into a flavor of survival mode, usually either the yellow zone of activation or that red zone of shutdown. Now what is going to be really helpful context for reactive regulation is understanding the differing physiology between these states, which we talked about in more detail earlier in the series, but I want to reiterate, the yellow zone is an activated state. Your physiology is mobilized. Your heart rate changes, your respiration changes, your blood flow changes. This is your fight or flight response. So you are mobilized, preparing to fight off and face a stressor or flee to run and avoid it. So yellow zone mobilized. Yellow zone mobilized activated. There are going to be certain tools that work better for you when you find yourself there than when you find yourself in a state of immobilization. That red zone of shutdown state. This is where our physiology shifts and changes in ways to conserve your energy, immobilization and to numb or disconnect you, that red zone state, I heard something recently. It's a little bit like your nervous system saying, Hey, I love you so much. I'm going to prevent you from feeling any more pain or harm. And I'm going to do that by shutting you down and by disconnecting you. Physiologically, we actually release numbing agents into our body when we're in this state. And then I talked about in part two of this series, the mixed state, that orange zone state, and this is where you oftentimes feel internal mobilization, but you're so overwhelmed to the point of inaction. So there's external immobilization, so inside urgency, outside procrastination, numbing, scrolling, a little bit of dissociation. And so for the context of today's conversation, we have the yellow zone that's a mobilized state, and oftentimes the tools that work best for the red zone that immobilized state, there are also often tools that we can use more effectively in the orange zone, because there's still some immobilization there. There's still overwhelm within our nervous system, and in order to reactively regulate effectively, I think it comes down to three things. 

Number one is to understand your body's natural stress cycle so you can work with it. I want you to understand you. That is a core tenet of this podcast, is I want you to walk away with a better understanding of why you are the way you are, how you work, so that you can work with it. 

The second thing is that you need to be able to identify what state you're in, because this helps you choose the most impactful tool to turn to in that moment. And part of this is also going to be a conversation about the importance of not only identifying where you are, but in meeting your nervous system, where it is, the state that it's in, and the intensity of that state, and understanding something that I will explain to you, something I call tool layering, there is rarely one tool that fixes states of dysregulation entirely. But instead, can I meet my state and my intensity with one tool and then layer and walk myself where I'd rather be? 

And number three is the proactive practice of reactive tools. This is critical if you want to have access to these tools in the moments you need them most in the big moments, you have to build familiarity with them in smaller moments. Now there's a lot of ground to cover with these three things, and I like to keep these episodes more bite sized. 

So let's jump right in, and I'm going to move through some of this information quite quickly. Remember, you can always come back and re listen and see what there is to get the next time. So number one is understanding the science of our natural stress responses. When a stress response is initiated, whether it is from a real threat or just a perceived threat, whether it's from a tiger in your closet or a thought about a tiger in your mind, our nervous system kicks off a process that is designed to. Protect us. So here is what should happen naturally. This is a natural, completed stress cycle. Number one, your nervous system detects a threat. Number two, a protective response activates fight, flight, freeze, shut down. Number three, is that we take action or we immobilize until the threat is resolved, then we metabolize that stressful energy and emotion, and then we slowly return to a state of safety and balance. 

And something that I will drop in the show notes is an incredible video on YouTube of Anne Impala escaping a attack from I think it was a lion. I'm not going to go back and re watch this, to give it to you accurately. If you want to watch that video, I'm going to link it in the show notes. But what's really cool is you watch this animal go through this natural biological stress response. So what isn't shown is the first part of this, but I can imagine the Impala saw the predator. The nervous system detected a threat, and a protective response was activated, probably first flight. So it ran, it ran, it ran, and when it realized it couldn't outrun the threat, its body chose immobilization. It collapsed. It wanted to shut down. It kind of played dead. What was happening on the inside was that its body was releasing numbing agents, because at this point it's like that is probably inevitable, so let's make it as quick and painless as possible. But also maybe let's hope that by by playing dead, maybe they leave us alone. For whatever reason, the predator gets distracted and runs off in another direction. So now we are at step three, where we take action or immobilize until the threat is resolved. The threat resolved because it ran away. Step four in this process is that we metabolize the stressful energy and emotion. What you see is this, I believe it's an Impala. Somebody can send me a message if I'm totally misclassifying these animals. Gets up and it starts to shake. What it is doing is it is processing. It is discharging the stress energy from that experience. It is metabolizing it. This is why animals can experience extremely traumatic things over and over and over again, but not be traumatized, because they complete these stress cycles so they're metabolizing. They're shaking. Their internal system is recalibrating. It's moving them up the nervous system ladder, and then they slowly return to a state of safety and balance. What likely also happened was after the shaking, after the initial metabolizing, this Impala then probably ran back to its community, to the watering hole, where it got to feel connected, safety in numbers, and then looked around and was like no more threat back to drinking water or whatever it was doing. This is the stress cycle, and it is meant to be completed where so many of us get stuck in chronic dysregulation is because our nervous system detects a threat, a protective response is activated, and either that threat never resolves, or other threats layer on before it can resolve, we never metabolize that stress. 

So think about it, in modern life, this cycle gets interrupted. Instead of facing a threat and resolving it, we face constant low level stressors that never quite trigger a full response but also never fully resolve either. And in modern life, we tend to suppress our stress responses rather than process them. Our stressors stack up before we can reset, and our system stays in this constant state of activation, and this creates chronic stress. Our system gets stuck in the quote on position because we're either facing too many stressors too quickly, or we lack the resources to process them effectively. And how this ties back to our conversation today is that we can use reactive regulation tools to help us complete these stress cycles better in our everyday life. When a stress response is activated, this energy will either be used and processed or stored and as often as possible, we want to help it move on through and return to a more recalibrated and balanced place. 

Now, the second thing that I think is a critical part of reactive regulating is the importance of meeting your nervous system where it is. Where am I on that nervous system ladder with intensity. Let me meet myself there and then to use something called tool layering. Now, when I say meeting your nervous system where it is, this means that we do not try to force ourselves into calm or force ourselves into mobilization. When we're shut down, but instead that we acknowledge our current state and then take gradual steps towards regulation. So let me give you an example. If you are in a state of high, high anxiety, and you try to immediately take slow, deep breaths, this might actually increase your stress response, because it feels so disconnected from your current experience. So if you were on the verge of a panic attack and somebody is coaching you through taking deep, slow breaths when you are at the peak of your activation, your brain and your nervous system might read that as, Oh my gosh. They're not getting it. They're not getting it. They're trying to strong arm us into calm, which means they're not getting the message that we are not safe. So double down. Double down on the activation, double down on the symptoms, double down on letting them know that we this is not a this is not a time to become so instead, you might need to first move your body to match the activated energy. 

I've explained this in the past, but one of the things that has was really, really helpful for me when I was having my occasional anxiety or panic attacks. Once I understood this concept was I would notice I was panicking. I would have all of my unique body based, mental based symptoms. And for me, one of those was hyperventilation. I would breathe really fast, unintentionally, and so meeting my nervous system, where it was, and then slowly helping it to be in a more regulated place meant that I would take my unintentional hyperventilation and then just start to do it on purpose. So I'd be like, inhale, exhale, and then from that intentional place, I didn't try to shift or change anything, immediately I was just like, Okay, this thing that's just happening to me. Let me just meet it with intention, and then from there I could slowly. Now, instead of mouth breathing, I might inhale through my nose. Then I often would get myself up. I would pace around the room. I would shake it out, and then I would gradually slow my movements, slow my breathing, do some visual orienting. So that is what tool layering, meeting yourself, where you are, and slowly walking it towards a more regulated state might look like. There are a million flavors of what that looks like for our individual clients. 

Now, similarly, if you are in a shutdown state, this isn't a place of immobilization, a place of disconnection. And if you're sitting there like I'm feeling really depressed today, and you force yourself to go to your friend's birthday party, or you force yourself out on a run who that might be too much for your system when we try to immediately jump into high energy activities, it might reinforce our need to stay shut down, because it overwhelms us. So by understanding what is happening for us in that shutdown state, we are immobilized, we are disconnected. Okay? How immobilized and disconnected Are you? Are you just a little bit okay, then you might be able to get out and go for a walk that turns into a jog. But if you are deep, deep, deep in a red zone state, you are deeply immobilized, deeply disconnected, you might need to start with just gentle sensory engagement. Can I feel the temperature of the air on my skin. Can I notice colors around me? Can I just connect to my immediate environment? Can I mobilize my eyes instead of thinking, I have to mobilize my whole body right now, starting here, before gradually increasing connection and mobilization, movement and engagement. And so this is what we call tool layering. Can you meet your nervous system where it is first and then incrementally walk yourself to a more regulated state? And before moving on from this, what I want to give you a little bit more of is when I say different tools work in different states. I want to give you some examples as to tools that our clients tend to find more helpful for states of activation versus tools that are more helpful for states of shutdown. 

This is also something that I talk about more extensively in my book healing through the vagus nerve, and in chapter six of that book, there is a section of tools dedicated for activation and tools dedicated for shutdown. So if you're more of a visual learner and you want maybe more of this, my book is a great resource to turn to for that. And I think before I talk about tools that work best given specific states, what I will share is that. Yeah, there are definitely some categories of tools or practices that tend to work in both directions, that tend to be supportive for our clients, whether they're finding themselves in states of activation or shutdown, and most often, these are certain vagal toning, vision or breath tools, our vagal system, our breath system, our visual system, are some of the fastest levers that you can pull to influence your autonomic nervous system state. And in future conversations, I will definitely dive into the science of why with each of those systems, but something like visual orienting. So this is where you just slowly scan the room around you, taking note of different objects, doing some distance viewing, looking far away. This can often be really resourcing in a high state of activation. It can also be resourcing and gently mobilizing and connecting in a shutdown state. I wish I could sit here and be like, here is the toolkit. If you feel more anxious, do this, this, this, this, and this, if you're more shut down, do A, B, C, D and E. But different tools work for different states, but also different tools work for different people, different nervous systems. And so this is why kind of trial and error and practice is one of the most helpful things that we do with clients early on in their journey is to help them specifically build out their unique toolbox that supports their healing journey. 

And as always, if that sounds like something that's been missing in your healing journey, I would love to connect. I would love to have you join the membership or book a discovery call and see if our one on one program is a good fit, and the links to those are always in the show notes. 

Now let's briefly talk about tools for the yellow zone. And I want to start by giving you an example of a pretty typical tool layering sequence for when you're in a state of activation. I'm highly activated. My physiology is mobilized right now, so I need to use some kind of movement or mobilized practice to help me acknowledge where I am and hopefully discharge metabolize some of this unneeded energy. So I might start by shaking my hands or my arms or my legs, and then I might take that shaking motion and settle into a simple sway back and forth. And as I sway, I might try to deepen or slow down my breath, and then I might also look up and slowly scan the room around me, because I know that when I'm in an activated state, my pupils dilate, I become tunnel vision. My peripheral vision turns off, and so by slowly scanning and looking at things farther away, I'm helping to shift that in my visual system to communicate safety and calm to my nervous system. This is tool layering. Meet yourself where you are slowly layer on tools that move you towards a more optimal state in the moment. 

Other things you might do when you're feeling activated, the best thing I think you can do when you're feeling activated, is go outside for a walk. Go outside for a walk. Don't care if it's five minutes. Don't care if it's 35 minutes. You could dance to an upbeat song and then dance to a slower song. If you're trying to be more regulated, you could go and push against a wall. Some proprioceptive feedback can be really helpful in that discharging process, especially if you're noticing you're really tense or maybe moving towards irritation or angry. That fight response, oh, we want to push something away. The goal is to acknowledge and metabolize the stress hormones and that energy so that it doesn't continue to build up in your system, then we have a state of immobilization. 

Maybe this is freeze or shut down. What can we do here? What you need to remember is that we find ourselves here because our nervous system is overwhelmed or exhausted, so doing too much or too soon just reinforces the overwhelm. So the goal is to move slowly and gently. So you might approach trying to come out of a shutdown state with some gentle mobilization. You might start with small movements, wiggling your fingers or your toes. Maybe you want to stretch. You could offer yourself some light self touch. We have a variety of different somatic practices that we guide our clients through, maybe brushing your arms or your hands. Maybe you just want to gently rock side to side where you're sitting, you could try to engage in small moments of connection. Can I text a friend and I often remind you that connection doesn't have to just be another person. What can also help me connect to myself? Is there a craft I want to go do? Is there a picture I like to look at? I can connect with a pet. I could connect with my environment. Look. Around and noticing things in my environment to feel more connected. You could do some sensory engagement. What can I see, what can I taste, what can I hear, what can I smell, what can I touch? And so just remembering the key with shutdown is to be patient and to offer some gentle encouragement rather than pushing too hard. And I find that building out a regulating toolkit for a more shutdown state is really, really unique to each of our clients. What feels safe for their system, what feels possible and accessible for their system, tends to be more unique. Some of the tools for activation, we notice a little bit more similarity, a little bit more crossover from client to client. The shutdown toolkit is usually highly unique. 

All right now, the third important thing to understand is this concept of proactively practicing your reactive tools, your regulation tools, will work better when you practice them regularly, not just in moments of crisis. So if you only try to use breath work or vision drills or vagal toning when you are already panicked. It's going to be really, really difficult, but if you practiced something like a deep diaphragmatic breath or color spotting or a gentle vagal toning, neck massage before your meals, when you get in the car, when you're in lower stake situations, lower stress situations, this helps your brain become more familiar with them and therefore easier to access. In moments of high stress, your brain will create stronger neural pathways for this particular regulation skill, which makes it more accessible when you really need it. We have a lot of clients early on in their work with us, where they start to identify the regulation tools that work for them, and then they go through this period of frustration of, How come when I am feeling anxious, or How come when I'm feeling lonely or disconnected, I never remember my tools. And I say, Okay, how often are you starting your morning with your tools? Are you practicing your tools when you're after you brush your teeth, or when you sit down to have a meal, or when you're driving in your car, and they just look at me like what I need to do that. And so this is what it means to proactively practice your reactive tools. 

And I want to remind you that the goal is not to have a million tools. The goal is not for you to know all the tools. The goal is for you to have just a handful of go to tools that you know are tried and true and work for you most of the time. The goal of reactive regulation is to develop the capacity to notice when you're dysregulated, have tools to respond in the moment that help you to gradually spend more time in states of regulation than in dysregulation. It is about building a relationship with your nervous system, where you work with it rather than against it. Because your anxiety and depression symptoms are not signs that you're broken. They are often your body's natural response to overwhelming circumstances or unprocessed experiences, and reactive regulation really helps you to honor these protective responses while creating more options for how you respond. And with practice, you will start to recognize your unique patterns and needs. You will catch dysregulation earlier before it fully takes hold, and you will find yourself more and more and more able to move through challenging life situations without getting stuck in survival states. And if there is one thing that I would like you to take from this episode, it is this that small moments of regulation add up. Do not underestimate the power of a 32nd breath practice, a quick body shake or a moment of sensory grounding. These micro practices layered throughout your day over time, can significantly impact your nervous system state baseline over time and your healing journey. 

So let's bring this all together today with three takeaways. Our three takeaways from this conversation is number one, reactive regulation is like a first aid kit for your nervous system. It is a set of tools that provide temporary safety cues to help you bridge that gap between stress and regulation so that you can show up more intentionally. 

Number two is this principle of meeting your nervous system where it is and then tool layering, rather than trying to force calm when activated or force high energy when shut down, you acknowledge your current state first and then incrementally guide yourself towards more regulation. 

And number three is proactively. Practice proactively practice your reactive regulation tools in lower stress or more routine situations, because this makes them more accessible and more effective when you are facing your bigger moments of. Dysregulation. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining me today and every day. In our next episode, we will be exploring proactive regulation the inner work, lifestyle, relational and environmental choices that set the stage for more regulated living. So until then, I want to invite you to experiment with just one, one or two reactive tools this week, add them to your toolkit. Notice how they impact you in the moments that you need it most. And as always, I'm here if you want support in this work. So until next week, I'm sending hope and healing your way. 

Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside rise my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space, or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program, restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes, again, thanks so much for being here, and I'll see you next time you

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