Regulate & Rewire: An Anxiety & Depression Podcast

Derealization - What it is & Tools to Help

• Amanda Armstrong • Season 1 • Episode 110

Share episode

Ever felt like the world around you suddenly turned foggy, distant, or dreamlike? That’s derealization—and while it can feel disorienting, it’s actually a protective response from your nervous system. In this episode, we explore what derealization is, why it happens, how it relates to depersonalization and trauma, and what you can do to support yourself or a loved one when it shows up.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • What derealization is, how it feels, and why it's a nervous system protective response.
  • The common links between derealization, stress, anxiety, and trauma.
  • Practical coping strategies (like grounding & breathwork) and lifestyle tips for self-management.
  • How to support loved ones experiencing it and when professional help is beneficial.

3 Takeaways:

  1.  Derealization is Your Nervous System's Protective Strategy: It's not a sign you're broken or "going crazy," but rather your brain's attempt to shield you from overwhelming stress, intense input, or trauma triggers by creating a sense of distance from the outside world.
  2. You can support your system by creating cues of safety. Grounding techniques, gentle movement, breathwork, routine, and co-regulation are all ways to signal to your body that it’s okay to come back to the present.
  3. Self-Compassion and Connection are Key: Understanding derealization often involves recognizing its link to anxiety or past trauma (as an adaptation). Approaching it with self-compassion, curiosity, and seeking connection (with yourself, safe others, or professionals) is crucial for managing it and fostering healing.

Whether you’ve experienced this yourself or want to better support someone who has, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and actionable insight.

—

Looking for more personalized support?

*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.

Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcast

Email: amanda@riseaswe.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Amanda Armstrong  0:00  
Amanda, welcome to regulate and rewire an anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong, and I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now, let's dive in. 

Amanda Armstrong  0:29  
Hey there. Welcome back. Today, we are exploring a topic that many, many folks experience but often don't have the words to explain it or the name to give it. What we're talking about today is something called de realization. If you've ever experienced a moment or moments, or minutes or even hours where your world felt distant, maybe it felt like it was the set of a movie scene. It was fake, like you are watching your life from a distance, I want you to know that you're not alone, and it's possible that that was some derealization. And while it can feel really disorienting, even terrifying, sometimes it's also a completely understandable adaptive response from your nervous system. 

Amanda Armstrong  1:18  
So today, we're going to walk through what derealization is, how it shows up, why it happens, how it's connected to anxiety, depression and trauma, and then, probably most importantly, to those of you listening who have experienced this, what you can do to support yourself in these moments. And also, I'm going to offer from the lens of if somebody you love struggles with this, how you, as a support person, can offer some real help. 

Amanda Armstrong  1:46  
So let's start by getting clear on what derealization is, and it is a type of dissociation. It is when your perception of the outside world becomes distorted, or dream like things around you might feel foggy, flat, emotionally distant, like you're there, you're physically there, but you're not really there. So common ways that people have described derealization are everything looks fake, like a movie set. It's like I'm living in a dream. I can't wake up from the world feels muted or far away. I'll be in a conversation and the conversation just kind of fades away. I feel like I'm watching life happen rather than actually being in it. 

Amanda Armstrong  2:30  
And before we move on, I think it's crucial to note the difference between derealization and psychosis, especially because many, many, many folks we've talked to who've experienced derealization, fear that it is psychosis when it's not so. In psychosis, a person may have delusions or hallucinations where they believe that things aren't true. With derealization, the person knows that the world is real. It just doesn't feel real. And so hopefully that makes sense and provides maybe some measure of clarification or even comfort for your experience or the experience of somebody that you love. 

Amanda Armstrong  3:14  
So let's talk about how it shows up some common experiences. It can show up subtly or intensely, and it can last anywhere from a few minutes to hours or even days, in some cases. So some people experience visual distortions, so things like blurry edges or more tunnel vision, feeling like objects in their immediate surroundings are just more distant or fading. Some people experience it feeling like time is speeding up or slowing down, sounds might be muffled or feel far away. There could be an element of emotional numbness, where everything just feels dulled, and it often is described as scary. It's often described as really disorienting, but it's also incredibly common, especially for those dealing with anxiety or trauma, chronic stress, burnout or exhaustion. And there was a clinical psychologist who specializes in dissociative disorders who described it this way. She said, derealization is essentially a perceptual distortion. The person is fully conscious and aware, but their perception of reality has temporarily shifted. It's important to understand that during derealization, people are not hallucinating. They know that a chair is still a chair, but that chair might suddenly feel artificial, distant, somehow off, in a way that's difficult to articulate. End quote, so one of you podcast listeners wrote in and shared your experience of this by saying, quote, I feel very detached from the world. My life doesn't even feel real. It never really has yesterday. Feels like it could have been a million years ago. I have always had this problem, and it seems to be getting worse. Uh, end quote. And then someone else recently, inside my regulated living membership, shared quote, after years of having a specific anxiety symptom, I was recently able to articulate it in a way that I figured out what it was, and it's called derealization. I used to describe it as kind of a foreboding or deja vu or disconnection from reality. End quote. 

Amanda Armstrong  5:26  
And I wanted to share these because these are three different ways that individuals have tried to put this experience into words, and they're different. The way that people experience them are different. The way that folks are able to articulate it is different. 

Amanda Armstrong  5:41  
So let's talk about what is actually happening here from a nervous system perspective, derealization is a protective mechanism when our brain perceives overwhelming stress or danger, whether that danger is physical, emotional, or even just perceived, it sometimes pulls the plug on the full sensory experience. So if your nervous system could explain this experience to you from its point of view, it might say something to you like, Hey, listen, when the world suddenly feels unreal or foggy. Yeah, that's me. I'm doing that things got overwhelming, too much stress, too much input, maybe old danger signals flared up. I couldn't process it all and keep you feeling safe while fully connected. So I dampened the connections to the outside world. I put up a filter. I created some distance. It's a protective measure, like hitting an internal circuit breaker to prevent a total overload. I know it feels strange, but I'm just trying to keep things manageable until the perceived threat passes or the intensity drops. So this is your nervous system saying, Hey, this is too much. I can't keep you feeling safe, well, fully connected. So we're going to dampen this experience, and this is most often part of the freeze or shut down response. So again, it's I'm saying too much, too much. I can't process everything right now. So we need to disconnect until it feels a little bit safer, until there is less and derealization is often similar to what happens with something called de personalization, and while related, they are often distinct experiences. 

Amanda Armstrong  7:29  
So derealization focuses on the perception of your environment, the world around you seems to feel unreal or disoriented, while depersonalization, on the other hand, involves feeling detached from yourself, your body, your thoughts, your emotions, might feel like they don't belong to you or are under your control, or you're kind of an outside observer to your thoughts, or like you're watching yourself from a distance. And many people experience both simultaneously, which is why they're often grouped together in things like depersonalization, derealization disorder when they become persistent and distressing. But the key difference here is derealization disconnects you from the world around you, and depersonalization disconnects you from yourself. And both of these are forms of dissociation. Both of these are survival strategies that help you to disconnect when things feel overwhelming. All right, up to this point, I have talked a lot to you about this in forms of descriptions and definitions. I want to share with you kind of a hypothetical, real life example. 

Amanda Armstrong  8:40  
So let's say you or someone is driving home after a particularly triggering therapy session, and their brain is spinning. They're flooded with old memories. Suddenly they realize that the road in front of them feels off. It feels not real. The trees look strange. Maybe the steering wheel is unfamiliar in their hands. Maybe it feels like they are watching a movie of somebody driving instead of being the person actually driving. Luckily, in the case of something like driving, there are other parts of your brain that have done this, enough that you're on autopilot. You're not typically a danger to yourself or the other people around you when this happens, but it can feel distressing, it can feel disorienting. It can feel like you're going crazy. You are not going crazy, what is happening is your nervous system is entering this protective, dissociative state. It's giving you some distance, some buffer from the emotional overwhelm. 

Amanda Armstrong  9:32  
So the natural next question is like, what what can I do? What can someone do when this happens? How can I regulate? How can I support myself? And so when you feel that fog of derealization, setting in the goal, remember the purpose of it is to disconnect you from your current reality, from your surroundings, because there is overwhelm. So if the mechanism is disconnection, the. Goal is to gently invite connection. Is to reconnect. And the way that we do this is to gently signal to our body, to our nervous system, that it is safe to come back, or safe enough to come back just a little bit more. And there are innumerable ways that one can do this, one of the things that we do in our coaching is helping each individual client identify the ways that are the most effective for them. 

Amanda Armstrong  10:28  
So what I'm going to offer now is just a laundry list of possible strategies that can help you regulate, hoping that for the vastly different number of you who listen to this podcast that there might be something helpful for each of you. So the first thing I like to talk about is to ground through your senses. So can you look around and Name five things you can see. Color spotting is one of my favorite tools here. So if your color is red, when you notice you're in the experience of derealization. Look around and count all the red objects in the room around you. Can you name three things that you can hear? Can you feel your feet on the floor beneath you? Maybe you can choose something sour or minty to anchor you into your mouth and into your body. So what is a way that you can ground into your senses or orient to your environment around you, sometimes something as simple as reminding yourself, I'm safe this will pass. 

Amanda Armstrong  11:29  
One of our clients found that if they said the date and the time out loud, that helped to bring them back. Also breath work. So we are trying to communicate safety to our nervous system, we can do that by trying to shift our physiology through our breath, so trying to take deep, slow breaths, maybe an extended exhale, so you breathe in for four and out for six. Humming can stimulate and activate your vagus nerve. Also that sound can bring you more into the present moment, into your body, into the world around you. Gentle movement, stretching, shaking. Many clients have found that bilateral movement can help. So a way that you can do bilateral movement is if you cross your hands, cross your arms across your chest, like a mummy, and then tap your hands on your shoulder, right, left, right, left, or place your hands on your thighs, tap, right, left, right, left. Or even marching in place bilateral, alternating tapping or walking helps to reintegrate both the left and right hemisphere of our brain. Then there could be co regulation so you don't always have to or may not, always be able to feel safe enough on your own by doing tools or tricks or breath. Sometimes we need to find a safe person to talk to. Could even be just texting, texting a friend, listening to an old voice memo, hearing a calm voice can bring you back, even coming to a podcast or even music. And sometimes, if you're alone, just speaking soothing words to yourself, like you might a child or someone else you care for, can provide some of that support as well, and then some cognitive approaches. 

Amanda Armstrong  13:13  
So we've talked a lot about somatic approaches, because this is your nervous system feeling overwhelmed. We also need to help your nervous system, in a felt sense way, feel more settled. But there are also some cognitive top, what we call top down, approaches that can help. So one of those is reality testing. So this involves gently challenging that perception that the world isn't real, and just reminding yourself that derealization is a symptom, not reality itself. Also possibly working on a mantra, something like this is temporary, or this is my brain protecting me, that can provide some grounding and context during an episode, and then something else to be aware of. This isn't necessarily a tool or resource or regulator in the moment, but to just to be mindful that lifestyle factors can play a crucial role in contributing to episodes of derealization and also managing derealization. So prioritizing sleep hygiene is essential, because sleep disruptions can trigger or worsen symptoms. Regular physical activity helps to regulate our nervous system and release tension being mindful and limiting things like caffeine, alcohol, drugs, these are all substances that can trigger or intensify derealization, establishing consistent routines can provide predictability, and that predictability can help anchor you when perception feels really unstable, okay, but remember, this is what we do. This is what comes next. Here's our schedule, here's our routine, and then always, always, always managing stress through realistic scheduling, setting boundaries, having regular you. Opportunities to engage in relaxation or play creativity. All of this can reduce the frequency and intensity of episodes, because all of this reduces the stress load on your nervous system. Think about what we've talked about with your stress bucket. When there's more room in your stress bucket, you're less likely to become as overwhelmed as quickly or as often. So how can we just generally manage stressors? And I want you to know that none of these tools or practices will always snap you out of it right away, and the goal isn't to force yourself out of a disconnected state, because, again, it's protective, and you might re engage right back into what was so overwhelming, it created disconnection, just deepening that need to find distance. 

Amanda Armstrong  15:51  
The goal really is to create safety so that your nervous system can return back on its own timeline, and allowing it that space and patience to do so. And I now want to shift the conversation slightly to nodding to how derealization is commonly linked with trauma histories, especially chronic or developmental trauma, panic attacks or anxiety, PTSD burnout, emotional overload. 

Amanda Armstrong  16:23  
And my question for you is, what do all of these things have in common an overwhelmed nervous system, if your body has learned that the world is not safe, or if it is constantly bracing for the next threat, derealization can become a frequent visitor, a frequent experience. And it's not an enemy, it's a signal too much. We need space and understanding this relationship is so crucial because trauma informed approaches to treating or working with derealization, they recognize that these symptoms often represent adaptations that once helped the person, maybe helped you survive an overwhelming situation. And I want to repeat that, because if that's the only thing that you take away from this conversation is that these symptoms of derealization are often adaptations that once helped you survive overwhelming situations, and may still be helping you survive overwhelming situations, and so addressing the underlying Anxiety or trauma or overwhelm is often key to resolving persistent derealization, and this context can often lead to self compassion. 

Amanda Armstrong  17:50  
So rather than fighting against this experience or becoming frustrated with yourself, we can start to approach derealization with more curiosity and gentleness and my hope with this episode and almost all the conversations here on the podcast, is that understanding your experience helps to provide a new lens, helps to give you new context that makes accessing that self compassion and curiosity a little bit easier, and something that I've been asked a lot lately are to include more often in episodes, what you might be able to do for somebody else who is struggling with these things, be it anxiety, depression, or, in the case of today's conversation, derealization. And I have loved learning how many of you are here listening to this podcast, not as the person struggling, but as somebody trying to better understand or to find tools to better support somebody that you love who is struggling. And it's also possible that you are the person who is experiencing this but has had a hard time putting into words what you're experiencing. You might have somebody in your life who's like, How can I help? How can I understand this? And you're like, Yeah, I don't, I don't know. My hope is that this episode is something that you can maybe send or share with them, letting me do some of the talking, some of the explaining, to give words or suggestions when maybe you're falling short on them yourself. 

Amanda Armstrong  19:16  
So what can you do to help a loved one? First is to educate yourself about derealization, which is in part what you're doing here. But there are also other incredible conversations and resources out there on the topic. And educating yourself on this can help you understand that it's not all in their head, that they aren't going crazy, that it is a real neuro biological response, which can then, in turn, help you to more authentically validate their experience with empathy, rather than confusion or dismissal, so that validating can sound like I believe you, this sounds really challenging. I'm here with you, maybe even reminding them. Remember, this is your body's way of coping. It's not dangerous. It's going to pass I'm right here avoiding dismissive statements like just snap out of it. Everything looks normal to me. Derealization is not something that people can simply choose to stop experiencing. Another thing that you might be able to do, especially during an episode, could be to ask how you can help. I actually think some of those conversations are better had before an episode happens. Hey, what can I do when you're experiencing derealization to help you? And a lot of times their answers might be, I don't know, like I don't know. And part of my hope in offering some of these suggestions is that either they listening or you listening. Can be like, Ooh, let's try that and see what works. Because some people might just want quiet company, while others may benefit from suggested grounding techniques. So asking things like, Can you feel your feet on the floor? Can you tell me three things that you can hear? Where do you see three yellow objects? Do you want to go for a walk outside? So following their lead is key, and it might take a little trial and error to figure out how your particular loved one is best supported during an episode of derealization. You can also offer to accompany them to therapy appointments, if that would be helpful or to support them in finding somebody to work with, be patient with canceled plans or social difficulties. For many, many folks, navigating social situations while experiencing derealization can be really, really taxing. Another way that you can support someone is to check in regularly while also respecting their boundaries, but finding an opportunity to say, Hey, I've been reflecting on what you shared with me about that. How's that going for you? Expressing care without pressuring them to always discuss their symptoms, but letting them know, Hey, I've put some thought to that. You're on my mind and I'm here for you. 

Amanda Armstrong  22:02  
And I think one of the most important things that we can do as a support person to somebody struggling in any way is to make sure that we are prioritizing and taking care of our own well being supporting somebody, especially someone with chronic derealization or frequent experiences, it can be challenging, and maintaining your own mental health allows you to be more present and regulated for them, and I was reading a blog on the topic where a family therapist shared quote, remember that your loved one isn't choosing to experience derealization. Their brain is trying to protect them from perceived threat or overwhelming emotion. Your consistent, non judgmental presence can actually help their nervous system recognize that they're safe, which is a fundamental step in reducing dissociative symptoms. So just know that your calm, non judgmental, regulated presence can really go a long way, even if you aren't actually doing anything and you're just there and regulated and validating. 

Amanda Armstrong  23:02  
Now, before we close, I want to talk briefly about when to seek professional help, while most often derealization itself isn't dangerous. If it is happening frequently, causing significant distress or feels unmanageable, it can be really important and valuable to reach out for support therapies like somatic therapy, EMDR parts worker ifs, mindfulness based cognitive therapy, trauma informed coaching, all can be supportive in working with a nervous system That is overwhelmed to the point of disconnection and these different approaches can oftentimes help give you tools for in the moments that you need the most when you're having these episodes, they can provide additional awareness. Can you catch your nervous system experiencing overwhelm before it becomes so overwhelm that the need to disconnect is present, and they can also help get to the root of why, why your nervous system is dissociating, and provide a gentle path to heal from that place. You might also be sitting here, not sure whether your symptoms are derealization or something else, and reaching out to a licensed mental health care provider can be a space where you can get accurate assessments of those things. In conclusion for this conversation, first of all, a big thank you to the listener who wrote in and shared their experience and helped to prompt a conversation on this topic. 

Amanda Armstrong  24:42  
But whether you are experiencing derealization yourself or are supporting somebody who is I hope that there was valuable insight, practical strategies in this conversation, and I want to remind you that connection, connection to your body, to trusted others, to. The world around you to professional support when needed is some of the most powerful antidotes to disconnection, dissociation, derealization, depersonalization, all of these protective mechanisms that are essentially our nervous system saying too much, too much, we can't feel safe and be totally connected at the same time.

Amanda Armstrong  25:24  
Our three takeaways from today's episode is, number one, derealization is your nervous system's protective strategy. It's not a sign you're broken, you're not going crazy. It is your brain and body's attempt to shield you from overwhelming stress, intense sensory inputs, trauma triggers, by creating a sense of distance from the outside world. 

Amanda Armstrong  25:48  
Number two, you can support yourself by creating cues of safety. These could be grounding techniques, gentle movement, breath work, routine, co regulation. These are all ways to signal to your body. It's okay to come back to the present. It's okay to come back to reality, to here and now. 

Amanda Armstrong  26:08  
And number three, self compassion and connection are key understanding derealization often involves recognizing its link to anxiety, to past trauma as an adaptation, and then approaching it with self compassion, curiosity and seeking connection, again, yourself, safe, others, professionals, is really crucial for managing it and fostering long term healing. 

Amanda Armstrong  26:36  
All right, friend that wraps up our conversation on derealization today and before we close, I just want to offer a heartfelt reminder that you're not a problem, you're not broken, you're not a problem to solve. You are a person to support, and your nervous system is doing the best it can with the information it has. And I am so proud of you for being here, for gathering new information, for trying new things, for continuing to step into your healing and to seek out support in so many different creative ways and places, and if you are ever looking for more personalized support, myself and my team are always here. 

Amanda Armstrong  27:14  
So until next week, I am sending hope and healing your way. 

Amanda Armstrong  27:19  
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside rise my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space, or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program, restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes, again, thanks so much for being here, and I'll see you next time you

Transcribed by https://otter.ai