Regulate & Rewire: An Anxiety & Depression Podcast

Bringing It All Together - Nervous System Understanding in Real Life

• Amanda Armstrong • Season 1 • Episode 124

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To wrap up our series on nervous system states, we move from theory to real life. This special episode features a powerful voice message from a listener named Brit, who shares a personal story of navigating a stressful travel day with her family. Her experience perfectly illustrates what it looks like when nervous system concepts become a lived reality. If you've ever wondered how this work actually unfolds over time, this episode offers a hopeful and practical look at the messy, imperfect, and beautiful journey of healing.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why nervous system healing is a gradual, layered process that takes time to integrate.
  • What it looks like to move from intellectually understanding the tools to intuitively applying them in a stressful moment.
  • How regulating your own nervous system positively impacts your family and relationships.
  • Why the goal isn't to eliminate stress or never get activated, but to build flexibility and choice in how you respond.
  • Key insights from the entire series to support you on your ongoing journey.


3 Takeaways:

  1. Trust your own experience & be patient with the timeline.
  2. Start where you are & remember that setbacks are part of the process. 
  3. The goal is flexibility and choice, not elimination of difficult experiences.

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Amanda Armstrong  0:00  
Amanda, welcome to regulate and rewire an anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong, and I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in. 

Amanda Armstrong  0:27  
Hey friend, welcome back. My original plan was to move on from the series after last week's episode, but then I got a message that I want to share as a bit of a reflection and wrap up of the last five weeks of conversations that we've had together. So far, we have talked a lot about the physiology, the science, polyvagal theory, the nervous system, ladder, mixed states, parts work, survival responses, the different tools that best support you when you find yourself in each state. But ultimately, this series is about you. It's about your lived experience, about giving language to things that you may have felt for years but never fully understood. And what I want to do today is rather than walking you through a new state or new tools, I want to share with you what this work can look like in real life, when the concepts that we've been talking about actually start to click and show up in your day to day experience, especially because I know that sometimes, when you are in the thick of learning about this stuff, maybe for the first time, it can feel a bit abstract or overwhelming, or you might wonder like, Okay, I understand these things intellectually, but how do I actually apply them? Or how come I know what to do, but in the hardest moments, I don't actually do those things. I don't reach for those tools. When is this going to start to feel natural versus so forced or intentional? Well, it takes time. 

Amanda Armstrong  1:55  
And I got a voice message this week from somebody who has been in my world for years, and I think it perfectly captures what it looks like when this nervous system understanding starts to become integrated into your life in a real, more natural, embodied way. So who you're going to hear from in a minute is a woman named Brit. She has been through our one on one restore program. She also is on my team behind the scenes, and has helped me with content creation, social media stuff for years. And she sent me this message after listening to the first episode in this series, the one where I more briefly introduced all of the different states and really set the kind of set the preface for this full series. So with her permission, I am going to share her message exactly as she sent it, because I think it illustrates something really, really important about how this work unfolds over time. So let's listen to what she had to say, and then I'm going to share some reflections on what I think makes her experience such a beautiful example of nervous system healing in real life, in action, in the real world.

Speaker 1  3:11  
I am just reading through this week's podcast transcript, explaining the states and you know, I've been in your world for many years at this point. And I feel like this podcast episode, as they all do, just explains these three states so so well that I'm just like sitting here reflecting, like, wow, this like is so resonant. And like, I like, it just clicks. I mean, I understand, and I've gotten it and grasped all the concepts previously, but over just the last few months, I would say, I've really like noticed these things, like, in my life, or like, noticed the, I don't know, I guess, like the nervous system training that I've been like, a low key doing for the last handful of years through working with you, just really, like, kind of like playing out in my life and like understanding how it works. For example, when we were traveling last week, I was just completely overwhelmed and overstimulated and all the things my husband and I now have a running joke that gentle parenting equals velcro kids, which, like, not a big deal, but when you're already over stimulated and, like, just want to get home, Velcro cribs is not ideal. 

Speaker 1  4:51  
So I was just able to, like, put some of these tools to work, like when we were sitting in the airport and we just kept getting to. Delayed and delayed and delayed. I kept getting activated and like, while my previous response would have been like, oh, just go get a glass of wine and relax, instead, this time it was, I'm just gonna go walk through the terminal like I have my phone if you need me, I'm around, but I cannot just sit here and like, let this, like, anxiety or whatever build in my body, because I will just continue to be more and more disconnected and frustrated and survival mode E and snapping at my kids, and that's not what I wanted to do. So anyways, this is just a long message of saying, like, these things work, and while, like, I used to feel very like I'm always gonna need to be on medication or like, whatever, I've actually within the last like month, have started weaning off of my medication. And I was feeling really, like, nervous about it at first, but like now I'm starting to feel like, okay, like we can handle this. I'm not going off of my medication anytime soon. I think I'll be like, kind of like taking it really slow through the end of the year, but, yeah, it's just these nervous system like practices and like attuning it works. That's all. This message is way too long about me rambling about how this stuff works when you know that. But here I am just a girl in your world who, after years and years, it's it's still clicking, and I see it every day in my life. Okay. Anyway, bye.

Amanda Armstrong  6:53  
All right. Now, back to me. I love that message so much. And there are several things about Brit experience that I think perfectly capture what this work looks like. When it starts to become integrated into your everyday life, you start to see your symptoms through this lens. You start to have more interoceptive, body based awareness to catch these sensations in your body as they're showing up without shame, but with curiosity, with compassion, with awareness, with skill. And so I want to talk about a few of the things that I think came up in that message. 

Amanda Armstrong  7:27  
F irst is that this work takes time. Brit mentioned that she's been in my world for years, and that over the last few months, she's really noticed these concepts clicking in a deeper way. This isn't about learning some tools and then being fixed overnight. It is about developing a new relationship with your nervous system, and it deepens and it evolves over time. And there are certain things that click for people in days, in weeks, in months and in years. Understanding these concepts happens in layers, and you might grasp them intellectually at first. That's what a lot of you are here on the podcast doing. And then you start to notice them in your life. You start to notice them in your body. Then maybe you begin experimenting with different responses, eventually developing a kind of intuitive awareness that Brit demonstrated in her story. 

Amanda Armstrong  8:23  
Now, the second thing I want to say about her message was to just point out, or just invite you to notice how naturally she applied the tools she didn't have to think through a complex protocol or refer to a worksheet, she felt activation building in her system, and instinctively knew that she needed movement to help metabolize that energy. This is what nervous system attunement looks like when you develop that internal compass of awareness and intention and experimentation that guides you towards what your system needs. 

Amanda Armstrong  8:57  
And thirdly, I want to look at the contrast that she describes her old response would have been to suppress the symptoms, suppress the activation, to go get a glass of wine, to try to relax, despite this building anxiety inside. And there is nothing inherently wrong with having a glass of wine during a travel delay, but using it as the primary the primary coping tool, means that the activation that energy simply gets suppressed. It never gets processed. It continues to build in the system. It just gets stored, which makes you so much more easily agitated later or in similar situations in the future, right? We never get to complete this stress cycle. We never get to prove to our system. Hey, we can be in a situation like this. We can also take care of ourselves. Oh, look, it all worked out. We basically get stuck in the stress of that situation, and that either explodes later. Or writes an internal narrative that anything that feels familiar like this in the past is is dangerous. It's activating. But instead, this time, she gave herself the opportunity to actually metabolize that energy through movement. She worked with her nervous system's natural impulse to move when activated, rather than trying to force it to be calm, rather than using a substance to force the edge off. And then from that more regulated place, she could then make a conscious choice about how she wanted to handle the situation. And she made she might have, I don't know. I didn't ask her about this. She might have in the future, she may still decide that after that walk, she wants to have a glass of wine, but the difference is that at that point, it is a more conscious choice versus a reactionary coping mechanism that doesn't actually get to the root of what is happening. All right, I think there's about three more points from what she shared that I want. 

Amanda Armstrong  10:58  
So fourth, she is developing, and she showed in this message, a deeper toolbox. And this is crucial. It is not about never using other coping strategies, but it is about having multiple options and understanding which tools actually address the root of what's happening in your nervous system, versus the ones that just provide temporary relief. So again, not that a glass of wine is inherently good, bad, right or wrong for those moments, but if that's the only tool that you have, well, then it's the only tool you have versus I am developing a deeper toolbox. I'm experimenting, I'm playing, I'm learning which this whole series, what this whole series has been about, which specific tools support me in the different states I find myself in, in the different circumstances. And that comes through, first, general awareness, what you're doing here, education, understanding, then through experimentation. The other thing that I want you to notice from her message is the ripple effect. So by taking care of her own nervous system, she was able to stay more connected and present with her family during that stressful situation, she avoided going into that survival mode, which often she shared leads her to snapping at her kids being more reactive or impatient with them, and this, this is what I mean when I say that taking care of your own regulation is at the root of everything. It's not selfish. It's actually one of the most generous things that you can do for the people around you, especially for your children, for the people that you love most. And so what does it look like for you to take a step back and realize that your regulation is the greatest gift that you can give to the people around you, and how and what does it look like for you to prioritize that a little bit more? 

Amanda Armstrong  12:52  
And then the final thing I want to touch on is the medication piece. I think it is so so important that she mentioned this because it illustrates something really important about nervous system work. This isn't about replacing medical treatment or proving that you don't ever need that kind of support. It is about building your capacity and developing your tools so that you have more choices and flexibility in how you choose to care for yourself. Brit didn't have this experience and say, Oh, yep, that's it. I don't need my medication anymore, right? She isn't rushing off her meds, which she has found to be a helpful part of her experience. She's taking it slow. She's being thoughtful about the process, and she still has medication as part of her support system. But what she's also acknowledging is that she's developed enough nervous system awareness and tools to feel confident in her ability to navigate challenges and eventually get off her meds, which is something she has shared with me a number of times is the ultimate goal for her. Personally, I share a lot with people. 

Amanda Armstrong  13:59  
This is a conversation that comes up a lot in our restore program, our one on one coaching program. I always do a completely free discovery call with anybody who's interested in that program or wants to learn more about that program. And the conversation around medication comes up a lot like, Can this program still work for me if I'm on medication, I'm trying to avoid getting on medication. Can this be an alternative. And I always tell people we are not an anti medication space. We are definitely our methodology takes a more holistic approach to things like anxiety and depression. It takes a non pathologizing lens. But there is a time and a place for almost any and all interventions. Medication has a time and a place, especially if you are feeling so overwhelmed, so overrun by your symptoms that you have zero capacity to take any other action to decrease the stress load in your stress bucket, or learn or practice these tools or the tiniest thing in your life can throw you off one. What medication can do is to come in take the edge off some of the symptoms, or the intensity of them, to give you the capacity to do a more root cause approach. But medication is never getting at the root of why your system feels so activated or so shut down all the time. It is a bracing. It is a support, totally valid, totally needed. And I have never met somebody in which that was the cure all, the fix, all for their symptoms. 

Amanda Armstrong  15:35  
And so this was just a beautiful reflection from Brit and her and I have had many behind the scenes conversations about it too, of hey, I'm acknowledging the validity of this piece of my support system, my mental health approach, and I am feeling more and more confident in my toolbox, in my ability to be connected enough with myself to know what I need. I have done, and she has done so much of the deeper work to get to the root of why her system often is so baselined towards activation that she now has more choice, more options in how she wants to approach her mental health personally, and I am so I'm just so grateful that she sent me this message as she reflected on what that particular podcast episode brought up for her, because Brit's experience teaches us several important things about what this healing journey can actually look like. 

Amanda Armstrong  16:38  
It teaches us that, you know, integration happens gradually. You don't wake up one day and suddenly have perfect nervous system awareness. Again. It's like learning a new language. First you understand a few words, then you can follow simple conversations. Then you start thinking in that language occasionally and eventually, if you keep practicing, if you keep engaging with it, it becomes second nature. I see this with my husband. He speaks very fluent Spanish, and in conversations with people, he can flip flop between Spanish and English, Spanish and English so easily. And we can also get to a point where the language of our nervous system becomes second nature as well. What this teaches us is also that real life application is messy and imperfect. Again, I want to point out that in Brit story, it wasn't about having a perfect, calm response to a travel day. She still got activated, she still felt overwhelmed, she still felt overstimulated. The difference is that she recognized what was happening and had the tools to work with it. What she shared also teaches us that the goal isn't to never feel difficult emotions or nervous system activation, travel delays, especially with kids, can be so, so stressful. I have had a few of those recently with my own kids, having velcro kids, as she called it, when you are already over stimulated, is genuinely challenging. The goal is not to become some robot or Zen master who never gets activated. The goal is to develop the awareness and tools to navigate activation when it happens, one of the things that we hear the most often, again, usually from individuals in the membership or in those discovery calls, is therapy has been wildly helpful for me. It helped me understand why I was struggling, but it's not helping me figure out the what the what to do about it. What tools can I use in the moment? What big thing needs to change about my life? They aren't doing stress bucket assessments very often. There's not a lot of somatics, especially in traditional CBT. And that is oftentimes what brings people into our ecosystem, is either because more traditional approaches of talk therapy or meds just aren't working for people they have been in it for months or years, still having panic attacks, still feeling daily anxiety or because it's been wildly helpful, and they're looking for something a little bit more strategic, a little bit more tangible, because living a human Life is always going to mean there is activation, overwhelm, shut down, burnout, over stimulation to some extent. Now, what do you do when you find yourself there? 

Amanda Armstrong  19:29  
Her message also teaches us that small shifts can create really big changes. The choice to walk through the terminal instead of sitting and drinking wine might seem small, but what it represents is a fundamental shift in how Brit is relating to her nervous system. Instead of trying to suppress or escape activation, she's learning to work with it, and I guarantee that if she is doing that in a moment of high stress, she's also doing that in a bunch of other micro moments. Throughout her daily life. So instead of these micro moments of stress being suppressed and stored, she is working with her nervous system. She's noticing activation, she's noticing overwhelm, and she's adjusting accordingly in these big situations. But I also know that this is something she's also started doing in her daily life. Her message also teaches us that this work builds on itself each time you make a choice to work with your nervous system rather than against it or to suppress it, what you are doing is building evidence for yourself, for your mind, for your system, that it is safe to feel it's safe to feel that activation, that it can be temporary and manageable, that you have the tools in those moments to take care of yourself. And what this does over time is it creates a positive feedback loop that makes regulation more accessible over time. 

Amanda Armstrong  20:57  
I actually personally shared on my Instagram stories today that yesterday was a very overwhelming, overstimulating day for me, and I said something to the extent of, look, having a quote like regulated baseline nervous system doesn't mean that I don't get overstimulated by my kids. It doesn't mean that I don't end up on the kitchen floor crying because my two year old won't stop screaming at bedtime, and I'm doing it solo tonight, and it just means that my system resets from that experience more quickly. It just means that I know how to support myself in those experiences better. I knew when I needed to just walk away. I knew what to do when I walked away, so that I could then step back in to the situation with my kids in a more regulated, stable place. I knew what I needed to do to help me settle my own system so that I could get a better night's sleep. This work builds on itself, and once you start to become fluent in the language of your nervous system, you also start to figure out how to work with it. In situations where you're a parent, in work, situations, in wellness, in all of the different arenas of your life, it gets to look a little bit different. And that's a really beautiful thing. When that starts to become that attunement becomes more natural. 

Amanda Armstrong  22:18  
Another thing that her message, I think, teaches us that the benefits extend beyond just feeling better in that moment. Yes, Brit felt less frustrated and disconnected during the travel delay, but she also stayed more present with her family. She avoided going deeper into survival mode, and probably had a much better overall travel experience. In spite of all of the complications, when you take care of your nervous system, it impacts every single area of your life, like I was just mentioning. And I think perhaps most importantly, what was demonstrated, and what this teaches us is that nervous system work, it's not about perfection. It's not about getting it right. It's not about it's not about having the exact tool. It's about just creating more flexibility and choice. Brit didn't handle every moment of that travel day perfectly, I am sure there were still moments of frustration, overwhelm, activation, but she had enough enough awareness, enough tools, to navigate it without getting completely stuck or overwhelmed or dysregulated. 

Amanda Armstrong  23:27  
And so as we wrap up this series, I want to highlight some key insights that I hope you are taking away from everything that we've covered.

Amanda Armstrong  23:38  
Number one being different states need different support. This is perhaps the most important concept that we have explored. When you are activated, you likely need tools to help you discharge that energy and then signal safety. We meet our nervous system where it is, and then help walk it towards where we might want it to be. When you're in freeze, you might need gentle micro movements or containment, something that provides cues of safety when you're shut down. What we're looking for is tiny steps towards connection, towards small mobilization, and then when you're regulated, what are the practices? What are the things that you can do to help you savor and maintain that state? 

Amanda Armstrong  24:26  
And one of the second big takeaways from this entire series is that your nervous system responses make sense every state we've talked about, activation, freeze, shut down. These are all intelligent adaptations. They are your systems attempt to keep you safe based on your current circumstances and your past experiences. And I think understanding this, and I see this in our clients every single day, when they really understand this, it helps them to approach their responses with more curiosity, with more compassion. Mm. Yeah, rather than judgment, shame or criticism. 

Amanda Armstrong  25:02  
series takeaway number three is that reactive tools are the scaffolding for deeper work. The in the moment. Regulation practices that we discussed in each episode are really, really important. They help to build self efficacy. They help to give you something to reach for in the moment, to take the edge off, even just 1% so you can be more intentional, so you can bring that logical brain back online to be more responsive versus reactive. But these in the moment, reactive tools are not the end goal. They are the scaffolding, like we talked about, that supports you while you do the deeper work of healing and processing and creating a life that naturally supports your nervous system's well being, and kind of revisiting that sidebar on medication, you can think about medication as well as a reactive tool, as scaffolding to help support you. If that's a choice you make, if it's something that works for you, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes that's not an option for people, not a viable one. But if it is thinking about that as the scaffolding to support you in getting to the root, getting to the heart of what your nervous system is saying is too much or misaligned. 

Amanda Armstrong  26:20  
And a fourth takeaway from this series is that integration takes time, and that's normal. Brit's message is such a beautiful reminder that this work unfolds over years in small ways, probably in weeks or months, but it takes time, and so often people feel like as soon as they learn the tools, they should be able to apply the tools, and everything should start to get better. And it just, it just takes time, and it sometimes might feel like a few steps back before you take a few steps forward, because you might understand concepts intellectually long before you're able to apply them naturally in stressful situations. Because you have to build familiarity around this, you got to learn the language and be patient with yourself, trust the process. I know those, those are so cliche, but this is why I am always really, really candid with folks who book discovery calls to learn more about restore. 

Amanda Armstrong  27:16  
Because two things are true. 

Amanda Armstrong  27:18  
Number one, our clients see an average symptom reduction of 38% over the course of that 16 week program. One of the things that that program includes is a pre and a post symptoms assessment, and over the last few years of data, since we started collecting that, what we see is an average symptom reduction of 38% in 16 weeks, so you can see measurable change. You can start to learn this language and reach for those tools and have more confidence and less intensity in your anxiety and depression symptoms in just a few months. 

Amanda Armstrong  27:53  
But what I'm really transparent about in those discovery calls is letting people know, look, you will not be anxiety or depression, activation or shutdown free in four months. And anybody who promises you that is just trying to make is trying to make a sale. It's inhuman to make a promise that you are not going to experience these things again being a pesky human in a pesky human world. But what our program does really, really well, and what you will leave that program with is the scaffolding you will have a radically new way of understanding and engaging with your healing. 

Amanda Armstrong  28:30  
And the fifth and final takeaway that I want to talk about with this series is that this work is about flexibility and choice. Again, reiterating the goal is not to never feel activated, to never get triggered, or to always have a perfect response in those moments. The goal is to develop more awareness of your unique patterns, to develop a toolkit full of tools that work with your unique nervous system in the situations and circumstances that you uniquely find yourself in throughout your life, so that you have choices in how you want to respond in those moments. 

Amanda Armstrong  29:11  
All right, I know we've done a lot of lists. We've done the list of things that I wanted to reflect on from her message, the list of things that I think we learned from her message, the five big summary takeaways from this whole series, and as always, we are going to just neatly wrap up today's specific conversation and the series with just three simple takeaways. 

Amanda Armstrong  29:39  
Number one is to trust your own experience and be patient with your timeline. 

Amanda Armstrong  29:43  
Number two, start where you are, start where you are, and remember that setbacks are part of the process. 

Amanda Armstrong  29:51  
And number three, the goal is flexibility and choice. 

Amanda Armstrong  29:56  
The goal is not to eliminate our difficult experiences. Goal is not to become inhuman or robotic or some happy go lucky sit on a mountaintop, guru. It is actually to make us more deeply human, to give you the capacity to be more deeply in things that feel overwhelming or frustrating or anger inducing or grief without becoming overwhelmed by them. Every single one of those emotions has a message. Every single one of our symptoms has a message, has a purpose. And when we feel like we can't have those experiences without them being overwhelming, we miss the messages. So much of learning the language of your nervous system, learning how to meet yourself there, using the scaffolding so that you can do some of that deeper work is so that you can actually feel more deeply, live more deeply, without being overwhelmed by those experiences. 

Amanda Armstrong  30:53  
And if I were to just add a fourth it is to put a plug in for you to consider getting support if you don't already have that, while you can absolutely begin this work on your own, we all live and heal with our own blind spots, and it can be so so powerful to work with trauma informed therapists, coaches or other practitioners who understand The role that the nervous system plays in your healing. 

Amanda Armstrong  31:23  
Having support also makes this journey feel less overwhelming and can help you navigate the more complex aspects of this work. That's one of the number one things that that we hear is I just don't want to figure it out on my own anymore. I just need somebody to help hold my hand and walk me through and help me figure out what is resonant with my nervous system, what's in my stress bucket, what can go What can't so a big, big, big, thank you. 

Amanda Armstrong  31:50  
Thank you for joining me for this series on the different Nervous System States. Thank you for being here week after week after week in this podcast. If this series resonated with you, I would love to hear about it. Tag me on Instagram, send me a message, leave a review. And as always, if you want to take this work deeper, we are always here with free resources, coaching community to walk alongside you in this journey, and you can find a list and links to all of those things in the show notes. All right, friend, I hope to hear from some of you truly and deeply, and until next week, I am sending hope and healing your way. 

Amanda Armstrong  32:34  
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside rise my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space, or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program, restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here, and I'll see you next time you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai