Regulate & Rewire: An Anxiety & Depression Podcast

My Dumpster Fire Day & An Invite to My NYE Circle

• Amanda Armstrong

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Sign up for the NYE Circle – Sunday, December 28th at 8 PM ET

In this episode I yap about my dumpster fire day. Thought I had childcare, I didn't. My 2 year old had 47 meltdowns. My 4mo old joined me for the membership Q&A— cute but not ideal. I found out a full bag of Christmas gifts got accidentally taken out with the trash last night. My son pulled our fish tank down off the shelf. Gallons of water and tiny rocks EVERYWHERE, a gash in his leg, but luckily the fish survived and is currently swimming around in a soup bowl. Andddd tomorrow is a big grief anniversary for me.

I will be crying into a cookie immediately after hitting post on this podcast but before I do I'll invite you to my NYE Circle event happening on the 28th. I share those details the last 10 or so minutes of the episode.

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Amanda Armstrong  0:00  
Amanda, welcome to regulate and rewire an anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong, and I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in. 

Amanda Armstrong  0:27  
Hey, friend, woof. That's where I'm going to start. Today has been a day. It is Tuesday. It's almost 7pm the day that this is publishing. I am just going to no notes, very roughly, edit it and put it out into the world. Because I think that it's important to showcase a normal day to talk about how understanding my nervous system and turning to my tools is supportive what it looks like in a regular basis. And I just want to get this out into the world so I can invite you to something I'm really excited about, to an event that's really special to me every single year. 

Amanda Armstrong  1:05  
So I'm going to start this episode with just a rundown of what has been a day, my friend again, no notes off the cuff. Be gentle if you choose to keep listening and then share with you some details about an event that I have hosted. I think this will be the fifth year, maybe sixth every single year, at the end of the year, my new year's eve circle. It is a beautiful event. It's a fan favorite. It's my largest community event of the year. It's completely free. I think I mentioned that already, and it is something I'd love to see you at. So I'll share those details in just a few minutes. B

Amanda Armstrong  1:42  
ut today, today, today, oh my gosh. So first of all, today, I thought I was going to have childcare, but then I didn't. My two year old, I think, had 47 meltdowns. He wanted to walk to school with to drop off my son. The elementary school is walking distance from our house, so I said, Do you want to go in the stroller? Do you want to walk? Oh, I want to walk. But then he didn't want to walk. And then his hands were cold, but then he wouldn't put on his jacket, you know, like typical, typical two year old stuff. Then I was able to I had a Q and A inside the membership today that I just didn't want to reschedule. It's towards the end of the year. There just isn't a lot of flexibility in my schedule to reschedule things. Also, there were some really great questions that I know folks in the membership have been waiting for. I thought Little Miss, my daughter, was gonna be taking her nap during that time. Turns out she didn't. So I was like, Okay, we're just gonna do it. Little sis is coming on this Q and A and I'll get through as many questions as I can. She was really smiley, but it's not not ideal, cute, but not ideal. I got through three of the six questions. Called it quits and said, You all are amazing. I'll get to these other three at some point this week and get that out. 

Amanda Armstrong  2:54  
One of the things, though, that I shared on this Q A, because we were talking about, how do I know what state my nervous system is in someone shared in the live chat section of of this event. You know, yeah, I find that sometimes I try to force my state, or I'm really afraid when I find myself in that red zone that I'm going to be stuck there, that I'm going to stay there forever. And so we talked about how different states have different stories, and how one of their stories is that there is something wrong with them, that they can't be regulated all the time. And I spoke to that from this place of total inconvenience, right? Childcare didn't show today. My two year old is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse so that I can host this call. I've got my four month old on my hip as I'm doing this, and I was able to share with him live like, Look, do you think that when my child care that I thought was showing up this morning didn't that I was like, okay, no big deal. Go with the flow. There might be someone in the world who responds that way me, at least the version of me that showed up and woke up and crawled out of bed today wasn't her or when my four month old woke up from a nap very, very early, and I was like, I'm supposed to start this call in like 10 minutes. Okay, my system activated. My system activated, but because I understand what helps me move up the nervous system ladder? What our nervous systems need to feel safe enough to find regulation, right? One of the things is choice. So I felt my system activate. I was like, oh gosh, dang it. What am I going to do? I was able to turn the like, what if? What if? What if, pretty quickly, into okay, even if right. Do I want to cancel the event? I totally can. I've had to reschedule things because motherhood is just part of the season of my life before. And I was like, no, like, I just, I want to connect with my community. I want to answer some of these questions. Like, I've prepped for him, and she seems pretty good tempered. I said, Okay, so you have the choice you get on this call, or you don't. Moment, and even if she loses her mind, because it's like, really, I do, what's the worst that's going to happen? 

Amanda Armstrong  5:12  
And my brain went two places. It went someone in my membership is going to think this is so unprofessional and judge me for it. And I'm like, Okay, can I handle that? And I was like, Yeah, I can handle that. And that's okay. It's okay. And if they choose to leave the membership over that. Like, that's also okay, this is the season of my life and the best I have to offer. Then my brain went to, well, the other worst case scenario is I get on this call and I'm like, four minutes in, and my daughter starts to lose her mind, like, what am I supposed to do? And I was like, okay, not what if that happens? But even if that happens, I start the call with the context. I'm doing my best. I'm going to get as far into this as I can, and if she starts to wig, we will do a quick close, and I'll get to these questions in another way. And I explained this as I'm living this to my community, and there were a number of folks who reached out and was like, thank you. Like that was so real, because it is real and understanding my unique nervous system and how I can not just change my state, not just go from activated to regulated, but to say, Hey, I am activated. It makes sense that I'm here. What do I do to support myself? Here is how I get to still show up in areas of my life, messy but authentically. And that is the gift that I hope to teach and offer every person that we work with. 

Amanda Armstrong  6:35  
And actually, I want to pull up a DM again, totally off the cuff that I got recently. Here we go. So when somebody's membership is about to expire, I get a notification, and I often send a message that just says, like, Hey, I see that you know, your membership is ending soon. Is there anything we could have done to have made this space a better fit for your healing? And this is so genuine, because a lot of the feedback that we get from this helps to make this membership better, and this individual shared, 

Amanda Armstrong  7:06  
"if I'm being honest, I just don't think I need it anymore. You have changed my life. I went from having debilitating depression to fully functioning and not just living but thriving. This membership saved my marriage and brought me back from the edge. I have made sustainable habits and ingrained your practices into my life. I personally just feel like I have gotten what I needed out of it. I now work out three times a week. I have a breathing app and meditations with my peloton subscription. You have been wonderful. I just think I've, quote, graduated and am no longer using the amazing resources that you provide." 

Amanda Armstrong  7:44  
To which I responded: "this is everything I could hope for. Thank you for being here for the time that you were and if you ever need support again in the future, we're here. I'm so proud of you." 

Amanda Armstrong  7:54  
And then she replied: "couldn't have done it without you. Thank you. Thank you." 

Amanda Armstrong  7:57  
I share that. I share that because what regulated living is all about is about taking each and every one of you what this the why behind why I show up on this podcast, the way that I live my life, showing up on social media, which, you know, I don't always love to do, and I'm very inconsistent. There to everything that happens in this membership with our one on one coaching. It's all to help each and every one of you make sense of your symptoms, so that you can move through the messiness of your everyday life feeling equipped with context that gives you choice of, how do I want to take care of myself in this moment? How do I or what do I need in this moment. 

Amanda Armstrong  8:41  
And to contrast this, we had one of our newer members share recently that they find themselves feeling so resentful and so frustrated that their needs aren't prioritized in their family system. They're the primary parent showing up for their kids. Their partner is really stressed and overwhelmed. And then they said that, and I'm realizing that maybe I don't even prioritize my own needs, and I'm learning to here and again.

Amanda Armstrong  9:08  
I think why my brain is pulling all of these pieces in right now is an invitation for you. We are coming to the end of a year, which means we are stepping into a new one, which means we're going to hear the new year, new you, new resolutions. And okay, if you feel a ton of motivation with the new year, I want you to lean into that. But really, what I want to call you into as we move into this new year is a commitment to taking care of yourself, even if, and especially if, you feel like there aren't other folks in your life who have your well being as one of their priorities. Regulated living means that you live in a way where it is even possible for your nervous system to find regulation on a good day, let alone the messy days. 

Amanda Armstrong  10:00  
If I hadn't laid a foundation day after day after day after day for years of changing my habits, my sleep habits, my food habits, my exercise habits, that my community habits, the people that I hang out with, the conversations that I have, also taking a step back to look at my deeper patterns that were just running my life because I hadn't challenged them, met them with softness, helped them to process and rewire. And also learn about my physiology, learn about the difference between activation and shutdown, and what tools help my system most to kind of shift gears when I find myself there. Those are the things that allow me to get through day like today. Those are the things that I want to softly invite you into with the free event I'm going to tell you about. 

Amanda Armstrong  10:44  
So let me just wrap up my day to day friends. It was not an ideal day. I thought I'd have childcare, but I didn't. Again, my two year old, 1 million meltdowns today. I had to bring a four month old onto a call inside my membership. Didn't have to. I chose to and I was able to show up. Wasn't all or nothing, it was all or something. I gave my members my something today because I was okay with appearing in my messy I then found out that a whole bag of Christmas gifts got accidentally taken out with the garbage last night. They are gone. They are gone. Had a good little cry over that. Then finally, my husband's off work, and I'm looking at him and I'm like, Hey, I gotta go downstairs and just get some stuff done. I have a focus group I have to lead tonight, and I'm downstairs for maybe 1015 minutes, just getting into my flow, and I hear a crash from upstairs and thundering footsteps, you bet I'm upstairs like like a mom who just heard a crash and thundering footsteps. My two year old has pulled our fish tank down on the ground because he was apparently trying to hold the fish, is what I've gathered. Somehow the tank didn't shatter, but two gallons of water are soaked. Rocks are everywhere. I find the fish. I put him in a bowl. He is safely swimming around a soup bowl right now. I get to my two year old, who can't really articulate whether he's scared or hurt, start to peel off his wet clothes, and I find that he has like a solid gash on his leg. Again. Fish Tank didn't shatter. I just must have hit his leg hard on the way down. So I tend to this gash, and I am in the one hour gap that I have before I host a focus group where I'm just gonna put my professional face on. I decided to hop on the mic. I was gonna skip this entirely. I was like, I'm not recording the podcast. Like, forget it. 

Amanda Armstrong  12:38  
And I was like, but what if you just did what if, the same way you have shown up messy in every little bit of your day today, given it what you had to give, and just let it be enough or not enough for people. But what you have to offer, because you really want to tell people about this New Year's Eve circle, really, that's what you want to do. You want to tell people. You want to invite people, you want to call them into this event that you love so deeply that you know for years now has been the catalyst for so many people's healing, for them to step into a year that truly is their year of healing, and you hear about it months later, so go share with them your messy hop on that mic make no sense, if That's what you need, and truthfully, I will probably get off my focus group in a couple hours and go cry into a cookie, because tomorrow is also a really tender grief anniversary for me. And after holding it together enough to show up for my family and to show up for my work, I can already tell that my nervous system is likely going to need to just slide into collapse, and part of nervous system regulation is letting it do that, and I am having soft tears come to my eyes as I share that because for so many years, and I one of the podcasts I did recently that got so many messages was on my eldest daughter podcast, and some of you aren't eldest daughters, but you resonated with it in so many ways of just being the person who's held it together for so long. 

Amanda Armstrong  14:12  
I can't tell you how many times I have had hard days. I have been in grief or frustration or disappointment, and I have woken up the next morning, especially when I was a personal trainer at Google, and I'd go to the gym and I Hey, how are you? I'm good, like I'm great. Meanwhile, I am not great. It is such a powerful place to be to say I showed up today and I put on my brave face, and that felt, that felt genuine, that felt authentic, and the only reason I have capacity to do that now is because I know and I tell my system, I'm gonna hold you later. I'm gonna hold you tonight. I'm gonna let you collapse and fall apart and fall into a little bit of immobilization, and I'm gonna let you disconnect and. 

Amanda Armstrong  14:59  
And this comes full circle to what one of our members shared when he finds himself in that red zone. There's this part of him, there's this fear that he's going to be stuck there forever. And I know it because I've held that fear. And one of the most powerful pieces for me and my healing is I don't have that fear anymore. I can have a panic attack, and I know that it's going to end, and I know that I'm going to be able to walk myself back. I can completely shut down, even for a couple days sometimes, and I can hold it tenderly and with compassion. I don't fear activation or shut down what we label as anxiety or depression. I recognize them as this beautiful, intelligent nervous system. And because I understand my nervous system, how it works and how to work with it, my life gets to be all of it, and I get to feel all of it, and I don't have to play pretend. 

Amanda Armstrong  15:52  
And if you are feeling maybe a little tired of playing pretend, or maybe you've tried everything, meds, talk therapy and and you're still not thriving in your everyday life again today, today is not a day I'd be like, I'm thriving, but I got through it. I'm gonna hold myself in the processing of it so that it doesn't have to get stored. Stress is either processed or stored period. today was stressful. I am going to need to allow my system to process it, and I know how to do that so that a crappy today doesn't add heaviness to what I already know is going to be tough. Grief anniversaries, they can feel like 1000 pounds tied to your ankles, but this week, I I get to hold myself tenderly, and I have the capacity to do that because of the work that I've done, the work that I teach clients to do all the time. 

Amanda Armstrong  16:49  
All right, I'm I'm yapping, I'm yapping, I'm yapping. And I'm probably saying the same thing. This event, this event that I want you to come to, it's totally free. I call this my New Year's Eve circle, and it is happening Sunday, December 28 I know that's not actually New Year's Eve, but I figured you'd had other plans. And it's happening from eight to 930, 10 ish Eastern Standard Time. And I have a little sign up for it. I'm going to add that to the show notes. I'm just going to read that to keep me kind of making sense, and then I might share some other thoughts. So this is free annual event, my new year's eve circle, a New Year event for release, renewal and regulated living before the resolutions, before the pressure. Give your body and brain a moment to actually land. This is our most loved gathering of the year, and I cannot wait to see you there in this community. Somatic centered event. We will use breathwork, movement, journaling and gentle ritual to help your nervous system release the year and return to a sense of safety, clarity and grounded intention. So whether this year has brought joy, grief or something in between, there is release and healing waiting for you here, in this event, you can expect to regulate your nervous system with body based practices, gently release What's no longer serving you with fire. With fire, with fire. I will tell you more about that in a minute. Reconnect with who you are and what you want, set intentions for your healing that actually feel doable and personal, feel held and witnessed in community. So this is event. There is no pressure. There's no new year, new you. What you get to experience in this event are regulation practices that work, and I think for me, most importantly, a community to hold you through this shift, or this opening for a shift.

Amanda Armstrong  18:46  
the grief anniversary tomorrow, if you've been a longtime podcast listener, you probably know is the day that I lost my second son, and a few years ago, that happened just a week or two before this event. I had every real reason to cancel that event, but instead, I chose to hold it, and I think selfishly, because as much space as I hold for my community, this was a year that I needed, I needed to be held by them, and in hosting that event, I was able to feel that collective support that really buoyed me up in my grief. I have had years that I've hosted this that have felt like gloriously triumphant years the best year I have hosted this event in years where it felt like I couldn't possibly have held any more heaviness. And I want you to know that wherever you fall on that I would love for you to join me here. 

Amanda Armstrong  19:55  
And one of the fun things that we do in this event every year is we burn. We burn our fears, we burn a list of patterns or things that feel like they're no longer serving us. Now, do I think that burning a piece of paper is going to magically get rid of your perfectionism or your fear of failure or intimacy in relationship or whatever it is? No no, but I think that secrecy breeds shame. I think when we can be honest with ourselves, when we can put some of these things on paper, that is, I think, just as powerful as then together in community, burning them together on this call and saying, I think it's possible for that to change. I think it's possible for that to stop running my life behind the scenes, or very much in front of the scenes. 

Amanda Armstrong  20:44  
So if you are just wanting something to help you kind of close out 2025 and shift more intentionally into 2026 I would love for you to join me in this event. We are going to start by talking a little bit about the nervous system. Then we're going to move through some regulation practices, kind of like my monthly release class, if you've been to one of those, and we're going to sit with pen and paper, there's going to be some prompts, there's going to be opportunity to reflect, to set some intentions, to get clear on, you know, who Who am I right now in this season, and what do I want for myself? What are my needs? How can I start to prioritize those amidst my busy life? We're gonna have our fun little our fun little burning, burning of our fears, and then we'll come back together and close in a really hopeful and intentional way. I don't really know how to how to help you understand what this event is more I don't think there's really words for what this is. 

Amanda Armstrong  21:43  
So if you're curious, come sign up. And if you're in a time zone where this is like 2am your time, a replay will always be sent out. I encourage any of you who can make a priority out of being there live, get the child care, talk to your partners, if possible. Being there live is so potent and powerful. But I also have, I think I had over 100 people last year watch the replay, and I would get DMS and messages still about how impactful that was for them too. 

Amanda Armstrong  22:13  
So I'm gonna wrap this up because, like I said, I've got to lead a focus group in about 45 minutes that I want to prep and plan for. I am going to drop a link in the show notes to sign up for the New Year's Eve circle. You should immediately get an email with some other details. The link to join, add it to your calendar. And as always, if you've just got some questions before you know you whether, whether you want to sign up or not, send me a message. Send me a message. And no three takeaways today, because I don't actually even really remember where we started and how we got here. But today was a really hard day. I'm really grateful for what I know about nervous system regulation. I think I said I'm gonna cry into a cookie a little bit later tonight. Can't confirm or deny whether that's actually gonna be true, but maybe watch my Instagram Stories, likely and if you want to come to my most loved event of the year, totally free, sign up. Link is in the show notes, and I cannot wait, wait, wait to see so many of you there on December 28 it is a Sunday, 8pm to 930 ish, Eastern Time. All right, until next week, sending so much hope and healing your way.

Amanda Armstrong  23:27  
 Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rise, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space, or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program, restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes, again, thanks so much for being here, and I'll see you next time you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai