Regulate & Rewire: An Anxiety & Depression Podcast

Why 'New Year, New You' Backfires (Nervous System Edition)

• Amanda Armstrong • Season 1 • Episode 143

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Why does “New Year, New You” feel so motivating… and then fall apart just weeks later? In this episode, we explore why New Year’s resolutions often backfire—not because you lack discipline or willpower, but because they ask your nervous system to do something it’s biologically wired to resist. Through a nervous-system and mental-health lens, we unpack why massive change feels threatening, how winter is a season of rest (not reinvention), and what a more sustainable, regulated approach to the new year actually looks like. This is an invitation to move away from pressure and performance—and toward safety, support, and gentle, lasting change.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • Why your nervous system resists big, fast change—and why that resistance is protection, not self-sabotage
  • How “New Year, New You” puts your body into threat mode and leads to burnout, not transformation
  • Why January is biologically a season for rest and reflection—not aggressive goal-setting
  • The four phases of the Resolution Crash: Mobilization, Sustainable Burn, the Crash, and the Shame Spiral
  • How to use "laughably small" habits to bypass your internal alarm system and create lasting change

3 Takeaways:

  1. Resistance Is Protection
    When your nervous system pushes back against change, it’s not because you’re broken—it’s because your body equates familiarity with safety. Change requires resourcing, not force.
  2. Winter Is Not a Growth Season
    Nature rests in winter, and so do we. Trying to overhaul your life in January asks your body to act like it’s spring—when it’s wired for conservation, reflection, and repair.
  3. Measure Regulation, Not Performance
    Lasting change doesn’t come from dramatic overhauls. It comes from tiny additions, moments of safety, and choosing regulation over all-or-nothing goals.


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Amanda Armstrong  0:00  
Amanda, welcome to regulate and rewire an anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong, and I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in.

Speaker 1  0:27  
Hey friend, today, we are talking about why New Year's resolutions often backfire, and some suggestions around what you might do this time of year instead. Obviously, this is all going to be through a nervous system and mental health lens. This is part three. It's the third and final part of my New Year series, and if you're tuning in for the first time with this episode, that's okay, yes, it was a three part series, but it's not the same as some of my other series, where you need to listen to them in order these can all be taken independently. So if this particular conversation peaks your fancy. You do not need to go back for context.

Amanda Armstrong  1:05  
So I am not sure if your social media algorithm is any different than mine, but I actually, in the last couple years have been seeing way less of a push for New Year's resolutions, big audacious goals coming into January 1, way less of that, and I've been seeing way more messaging, promoting a slower start to the year. And honestly, friends, I am here for it. We run a holiday marathon, and then it's like, Okay, keep going. New year, new you best you transform your life in 30 days. Leave behind the old you, the bad habits, oh my gosh. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. But I also know that there are certain social circles and places on the internet that are still pushing that narrative of like, Make this your year. What are you going to do? To do that, I worked in the fitness industry, the gym space, for a really long time. Oh my goodness, do we push that narrative so hard to get gym membership sales in this new year and all of it.

Speaker 1  2:14  
Here's the thing. I get, the appeal. I really do, the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate, becoming someone entirely different than who you were last year, right? Especially if last year things were hard, if you're exhausted, if you're carrying pain or disappointment, that fantasy of like new year new me, New Year new you, whatever it is that fantasy can feel a lot like hope.

Speaker 1  2:38  
But here is the thing that nobody tells you about that is that this concept of like a new me, a better me, do more, do different, and let's hit the ground running at 100 miles an hour, it is literally asking your nervous system to do something that it is biologically wired not to do. Your nervous system's number one job is to keep you alive, and the best predictor of staying alive, from your nervous system's perspective, is staying the same, doing the same. It's worked for you up to this point. You're still breathing. To our nervous system, familiar equals safe, even when that familiar is painful, even when that familiar is exhausting, even when familiar isn't really working for you anymore, isn't getting you to where you want to be, this is why your brain and your body creates literal resistance when you try to change anything in your life, let alone try to change too much, too fast. It's not self sabotage. We're so hard on ourselves we blame ourselves. It's not a weakness. It's most of the time, not a lack of willpower. It is some kind of protection.

Amanda Armstrong  3:50  
So when you declare New year, new me and try to overhaul your life on January 1, your nervous system goes and I want to emphasize this, your nervous system is talking to in all caps, bolded and underlined in red. It's alarm bells go off, and it's like threat detected, threat detected, like Abort mission, return to safety. And then we label it as self sabotage, when in reality, it's self protection. And then by January 17, which fun fact is, statistically, when most people have already abandoned their resolutions. You're not just back where you started, but now you're also carrying shame about failing again.

Amanda Armstrong  4:27  
And here's another factor that I have come to believe makes all of this even more problematic, and I think it's something that we don't talk about enough again. I'm seeing it in the corners of the internet being talked about more where I am. But in case you haven't, I want to remind you that it's January. We are still in the depths of winter, and I know, I know, if you're listening from the southern hemisphere, flip this around seasonally, but for most of us in the Northern Hemisphere, we are asking our bodies to completely transform. At the exact moment when nature is telling us to rest, like look out your window right now. What is nature doing? Nothing is blooming. Nothing is pushing through soil, saying, like, New Year To me, the trees are not setting aggressive growth goals. The bears are not doing 75 hard everything in nature is in a state of deep rest, of conservation, of quiet preparation. And again, I know some of you are like, I'm in Southern California, that's where I grew up. Or I'm in Florida. I'm in wherever you are, where maybe things are blooming for you. Then I want you to just understand this hypothetically, so much of the world right now, so much of nature right now is sleeping. I now live in a place that actually has seasons, and we are barely a month into winter. There are two more months of this season. And yet, in some ways, we are demanding our brain and our bodies to act like it's spring, like we should be bursting with new growth, new energy, this transformation, and we just shouldn't be surprised when that doesn't work for most of us.

Speaker 1  6:13  
And even if you are not buying into this, we need to live seasonally with nature. What I need you to understand is, even if your seasons of life and energy don't line up with the nature around you, you still have seasons you cannot expect yourself to live in this theoretical spring and summer all the time. We all have seasons that ask a lot of us, and then seasons that demand a little bit more rest, and when we are not attuned, and when we do not adjust to that, it's going to create more depletion, more dysregulation, right?

Speaker 1  6:49  
Think about it. From an evolutionarily standpoint, our ancestors didn't do this. I'm coming back to the the actual nature seasons, right? January wasn't their New Year's really spring was when the light returned, when the ground thawed, when their bodies naturally had more energy, because there was actual sunlight and warmth, they understood something that I think we've forgotten. What I will reiterate is that there are seasons for rest and seasons for growth. And trying to force growth in a season of rest is not just ineffective. It is exhausting to your nervous system. So again, maybe you're like, ignore, ignore the actual nature seasons. Take a moment. Are you right now? Personally, are you in a season where you are like, I've got some extra I am I think I'm butting into a season of growth right now? Okay, maybe I'm not talking to you, maybe you can be New year, new year, new me. But if you're like, No, this does not feel like a season of spring. This feels a little bit more like a season of rest. Okay, like, what if we just let that be okay?

Speaker 1  7:54  
Because, let me tell you what actually happens when you try to force so much change in a season not designed for change and growth, we got phase one. This is what I call the mobilization surge. You get that hit of motivation, the dopamine spike, your sympathetic nervous system activates, sometimes in a really helpful way, because you're ready, you're ready to change everything. So you buy the planner, you sign up for the gym, you throw out the bad food like you're on fire. Friend, get it. And then we have phase two, which is what I call the unsustainable burn. You are running on adrenaline and willpower. And let me tell you, friends, those do not last long in our system. So in this phase, your nervous system is in this constant activation because you are trying to maintain all of these new behaviors. Meanwhile, your nervous system is constantly scanning for the threat, right, because change, especially a lot of change, and fast change, or unsupported change, equals unknown, equals danger, equals threat, so you are exhausted, but still pushing through. Because again, capital letters like this year is going to be different. This is going to be the year that I do it, and then we push ourselves into phase three, what I will call the crash. You cannot sustain this level of activation, it is like trying to sprint a marathon. Your nervous system is going to start pulling its emergency brakes. Fatigue is going to set in. Old patterns are going to resurface with a vengeance. Your motivation is going to evaporate. Your willpower is going to run out, and then the fourth and final phase is the shame spiral. Now you're not just back at baseline. You are below it, and sometimes well below it. And I am talking to you right now as somebody who has played this game over and over and over again in my own life, and you're in this shame spiral because now you have the evidence that you can't change, that you're stuck, that this just is the way that you are, that something is. Wrong with you, your nervous system trying to protect you from further disappointment, then becomes even more resistant to attempts at change, rinse and repeat every January.

Amanda Armstrong  10:13  
And so my question, my invitation for you friend, is, what if we did it differently? What if, instead of New year, new me. We tried new year, same me, but just like, slightly more regulated. And I know it's like, not as catchy, but that's what's actually sustainable. Here is what a nervous system informed approach to the new year might actually look like, number one honor the season that you are in. It is winter, and if it's not actually winter, where you live, are you maybe in a energetic, an inner seasonal, winter where your body wants more rest, where your energy is naturally lower, your metabolism is naturally slower. These things are not problems. They're it's biology, it's nature. And so in instead of forcing massive change, what if, instead you asked yourself, what would gentle winter nourishment look like? What would supporting my system in this season of restoration look like? Or maybe we use this season as a simple time for reflection, to plan for spring, right?

Unknown Speaker  11:26  
I also garden. That's something that I love to do. I don't have a huge garden. I don't have a huge backyard, and what backyard I do have is mostly shade. So I've got two tiny patches in my backyard where I can have these vegetable gardens. And what I'm doing right now is I'm actually planning for spring. I'm planning what I want to plant in those gardens. When do I need to start the seedlings? Do I need to start some inside? How much can I get away with just throwing in the ground and, you know, saying a quick prayer that it'll come through? Because I'm kind of a lazy gardener, but that's what I'm using winter for.

Unknown Speaker  12:02  
And so what if you did the same? What if this is the time to kind of reflect and plan? You ask yourself, what would I like this year to look like? What would I like to be different? What would make that possible for me? What support would I need for that? How can I start to access some of those things now? What's my plan so that when my season or the season starts to shift, I can move into change feeling more supportive.

Unknown Speaker  12:27  
And so what if you stepped into this year with reflection and safety instead of goals?

Unknown Speaker  12:35  
So before your nervous system will let you change, it has to feel safe enough. It has to feel resourced enough to do so. So again, instead of starting with what you want to change, maybe start with what you think you might want to change. What are the things that help you to feel more grounded and more resourced? And maybe do some of those things now. Instead of stepping into goals right now, maybe you step into safety. Maybe you step into resourcing.

Unknown Speaker  12:59  
Okay, I think what would be really resourcing for me is to find five minutes of sunlight at some point in the day. Maybe it's to step into a consistent two minute breathing practice, or just practice throughout the day, putting your hands on your heart and saying, Hey, I'm safe. I'm here. I can handle this, building up some practice, resilience, tiny, simple, repeatable things to resource you and considering setting goals or as you're in this reflection, what can I add instead of subtract?

Unknown Speaker  13:30  
I think resolution culture is oftentimes about restriction. Cut this out. Stop doing that. Eliminate, reduce, remove. But restriction can also activate our our threat sensors, restriction in anywhere in our life can signal scarcity, danger, a sense of not enough. So what if instead you focused on, what can I add that feels supportive? Can I add vegetables to meals so you're not overhauling your entire diet, you're adding something that is more supportive. Can I add five minutes of movement to my day instead of committing to an hour gym routine? If that's not something that is within reach for you right now, can I add a single conscious breath before I check my phone instead of I'm only going to have one hour of screen time a day, and addition can oftentimes feel like abundance to our nervous system, where subtraction can feel like a threat.

Unknown Speaker  14:33  
Another thought I had in just mulling over how I want to approach my new year is balancing out that there is a part of me who does have goals, that does have changes that I want to make, and my assumption is that you do too, because anybody listening to a podcast like mine has some desire to live or feel better in some way, and to acknowledge and be honest about the fact that when I step into those changes. There is going to be resistance. There always is, when we're stepping into change, for all of the reasons I've already talked about, our nervous system is like, yep, change could mean death, that five minute walk that you weren't going on. Here's all of the reasons why I don't think you should go on it again. We can logically know that's going to help us, but our nervous system usually wants more of what it's already been doing, we have to very gradually show it actually, hey, this is safe, and we feel better see, and our nervous system is like, Oh yeah, you're right. Okay, oh yeah, you're right. Now we're gonna up. We're gonna up the dose of that walk, of that movement, of this thing that's serving us in our nervous systems, like, ee, are you sure? Like, we could stay where we are, and you're gonna be like, Yeah, buddy, let's go.

Unknown Speaker  15:41  
Your nervous system does not speak the same logical language that your brain does. It speaks an experiential one, and so you've often heard me say on this podcast, like 80% of your mind body conversation originates in your body. And that is true. It does. We need to create an experiential felt sense of safety and well being and vibrancy and energy, and that 20% from our mind still really, really matters. And this is what to me, I imagine, like mind body connection. What this conversation, if you will, sounds like is our nervous system being like and our mind being like, hey, yeah, yeah, take that breath, calm the body down so that we can work together. And I'm here to tell you, hand in hand, we're going to try this, we're going to try this, and then we're I'm going to come back to you body. I'm going to check in, because I'm going to bet some of you have a fitness goal. And if you are being honest about the conversation that happens between your mind and body, you went to the gym and you overdid it. And if you were to have a non judgmental conversation between your body and your mind. Your mind might be like, Yeah, we did it. We went and stayed for an hour. We crushed it. But if you took a breath and said, Hey, body, how you're feeling, your body's gonna be like, dude, what was that? That was way too much, too soon, too fast, and we're gonna put up our defenses as a result of that. All of this is to say that resistance is going to come anytime that you want to step into change. When you feel resistance to that change, can you get curious instead of trying to ignore it, or instead of trying to be forceful through it? Can you meet that resistance with something like, hey, hey, resistance, like, what are you protecting me from? What do you need me to know? Oh, that was too much. Okay, let's try again tomorrow. Same team though, buddy, mind and body, same team. I will do a little less. I will move us into this new habit in a more titrated way. Resistance is just your nervous system saying, like, Hey, are you sure like, this feels different and therefore unsafe, and when we can acknowledge that, when we can honor that, and slowly create more safety around these new things, the resistance naturally softens.

Unknown Speaker  17:53  
Another thought I am just offering my stream of consciousness, my own kind of journaling, as I thought about the new year and how I want to approach it again, is that another alternative, when looking at the new year could be to measure it in regulation and not performance. So instead of tracking how many days I worked out or how many days I had the perfect bedtime routine, or stuck to my plan? What if instead, I tracked how regulated I felt throughout the week? What if I took a moment instead of saying like, Did I check all my boxes? Did I have moments of calm today? Did I notice and honor my capacity? Did I catch myself in an old pattern and choose differently, even once, because these tiny moments of regulation are what actually lays the foundation for lasting change, not these big, dramatic overhauls, the small, barely noticeable shifts in how our nervous system responds in a day to day life.

Unknown Speaker  18:54  
This is something we talk about over and over and over and over and over again with our clients, especially inside the membership, we talk about tiny habits. There are two books tiny habits, and then another one called atomic habits. And both of these individuals, BJ Fogg and James clear, I think, are the authors, reiterate and reiterate and reiterate the importance of starting small when it comes to stepping into new habits and then optimizing them over time.

Unknown Speaker  19:22  
So a reframe I want to offer you with this thought is that you don't need a new the current you, the one who survived everything that brought you to this moment, that you is incredibly resilient, that you has wisdom, that you deserves compassion and encouragement over unrealistic pressure. Maybe you do want things to change this year. Maybe you want to change some of your habits. Maybe you want to change how you relate to yourself, how you speak to yourself, how you honor your needs instead of overriding them. Some of those changes are going to give you more access to healing. They are important. Change is important, but. Can you do so with gentle awareness and pacing? And probably not go all in in January.

Unknown Speaker  20:07  
So as we close out this New Year's mini series, I want to reiterate this this year right now, you don't need a new you. You need a more regulated you, a more resourced you, a more supported you. Where can you find that? How can you offer that to yourself? What if, instead of New year, new me, it was New Year, deeper connection and care for the me that's already here, that is the work, that's always the work. And if this resonates with you, if you want somebody to walk in this work with you, not just in January, but day to day, season to season. This is what we do as a community inside the regulated living membership. Every season we focus on a different foundational health habit. We come into different kinds of conversations around our nervous system and healing and the regulated living memberships. Doors open once a quarter, and they'll open again at the end of February.

Unknown Speaker  21:09  
And if you know and can feel in your bones that where you are right now actually requires a deeper holding, more individualized support somebody to not just say, Hey everybody, this is what we're focusing on. But hey you. What is your unique nervous system need right now? What is going on that's creating these decade long patterns? Why do you feel like you've tried everything and nothing is moving the needle? Those are some of the most common things that we hear from people who work with us in our 16 week one on one coaching program, restore, and I just opened a few more spots for that program. And if that's something you're interested in, you can always go to my website. There's a lot of information on that page. There's also a link to book a completely free and pressure free, 2030, minute phone call with me. It's me that you get to connect with. I get to hear about what it is you're struggling with in regards to anxiety or depression. What from the podcast has resonated most with you? What would you hope would come from one on one? Support like this. You get to ask your questions, get a feel for the program, and there's always no pressure on that call. You do not need to give me a yes or no on that call. It's an opportunity for you to feel held in this space and to see if this could be and for many, many of our folks, it is the thing that finally moves the needle in their healing, especially when they feel like they have tried everything.

Unknown Speaker  22:38  
And honestly, even if you never work with me? You just hit play and come to this podcast. Week after week, there is a lot of goodness you can get here.

Unknown Speaker  22:47  
Just remember this, you do not need a new you. You need a more supported. You find that support this year, wherever it is available to you that will make all the difference.

Unknown Speaker  22:58  
Okay, three takeaways for today,

Unknown Speaker  23:00  
number one resistance is protection. Okay, your nervous system views massive changes as threats, and it prioritizes the familiar to keep you safe. Big New Year's goals, especially when you are in an actual season, or an internal season, of just feeling like you have less feeling a little heavier, less capacity. Your resistance to change is biological survival, not lack of willpower, which echoes into

Unknown Speaker  23:25  
number two, which is just respect the season you're in. Take time to say, hey, where am I right now? Is this a season to step into change, or is this a season to step out and seek support?

Unknown Speaker  23:38  
And number three, this year, can we measure via regulation over performance? Can we measure our life by how good we feel in it, instead of how much we're doing and how many boxes we're checking? That is top of mind for me as I head into this New Year's

Unknown Speaker  23:59  
All right, friends, that is it for today. Thank you for being here, and until next week, I'm sending so much hope and healing your way.

Amanda Armstrong  24:07  
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them, and if you yourself are looking for more personalized support in applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside rise my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space, or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program, restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes, again, thanks so much for being here, and I'll see you next time you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai