Assess Your Stressors & Supporters (Part 2)

In part two of this stress series, Amanda walks you through a practical, honest assessment of your stress by examining both sides of the see-saw—your stressors and your supporters. She breaks stressors into baseline (chronic) and daily (variable) inputs, helping you identify where your load is actually coming from. This episode emphasizes that real change starts with awareness, and gives you a framework to understand whether your reactions are coming from accumulated stress (overflow) or deeper unresolved patterns (triggers). 

3 Takeaways:

•  Your stress bucket is filled by both baseline (ongoing) and daily (fluctuating) stressors, and understanding the difference helps you identify where your leverage for change is. 
•  An honest assessment of your supporters—what’s actually present, not what “should” be—reveals the gap that needs to be addressed for your nervous system to feel more supported. 
•  Big reactions to small things are either triggers (linked to past experiences) or overflow (a full bucket), and knowing which is which helps guide whether you need deeper healing work or better stress management.

CLICK HERE for the full show notes, resources, and 3 tangible takeaways!

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Transcript

Welcome to Regulate and Rewire, an anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong, and I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences, and tangible research-based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind, and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in. 

Hey friend, welcome back. This is part... two of our four-part stress management series. And I am really glad that you're here for this one because what we are doing today is the work that I think gets skipped. I think a lot of times you are feeling overwhelmed, you're struggling with anxiety or depression, so you start therapy. Amazing. But what often happens there is a couple brief chats about current life before you hone in on something deep and specific, a pattern or part, and you take that a mile in one direction. And that is absolutely the work that's needed. something that can work in phases of your healing. 

But when your stress bucket is currently constantly overflowing and unmanaged, there is not the space or the capacity within your internal system oftentimes for that deeper work to land in any kind of meaningful way. Or maybe you went more the medical route. You talked to your doctor, you got prescribed meds. Maybe it helped you, maybe it didn't. My question is always, How much time? How much time did that doctor actually chat with you before offering you that particular solution? Do they know how you're sleeping, how you're moving, how supported you feel relationally? Did they run your labs or look into your mineral balance or your gut health? All things that can be directly linked to anxiety or depression symptoms. When we jump to a particular solution too fast, we often skip the part where we step back. to get the big picture, to collect all of the puzzle pieces that can lead us to a more whole human, whole life, root cause, long-term solution. 

So a stress bucket assessment is a hallmark part of the regulated living process, something that we do with all of our clients and something that I want to offer you the framework for today. So if you missed part one, of this series, please go back, start there. That lays the foundation for the conversation we're going to continue on today. In part one, we covered what stress actually is, the difference between acute and chronic stress cycles, why stress is either processed or stored. And I introduced two frameworks that we're going to come back to and anchor this whole series. So the stress bucket and our seesaw. And today builds, again, directly on that conversation. 

Okay, so moving on. Here's what I find happens with most people when it comes to stress. They have a felt sense of it. They know that they're stressed. They say that they're stressed. They can feel it in their body. They can see it in their reactivity. They can, again, sense it in just the exhaustion. the exhaustion that they experience at the end of every day. But when I ask them to actually describe what's making them stressed, they can give one or two things. But when I poke a little bit further and I ask, like, have you ever stepped back and taken this honest, structured inventory of the stressors and the supporters in your life? What does that look like? And most people have never done something like that. And again, To me, that really, really matters. This part of the process really, really matters because you cannot manage what you haven't honestly looked at. You cannot edit or change what you're not aware of. You can't build up supporters that actually meet you in your life if you do not know what your life is actually asking for. 

Another analogy that I often use is like healing is like a 1000 piece puzzle. And for so many of us, half of those puzzle pieces are like, I don't know, hidden in the backyard all around our house. Like we've rarely been supported in saying, hey, okay, before we try to put together the puzzle, let's see if we can round up as many pieces as possible. And instead, you know, one particular practitioner in their modality or another practitioner in their modality are like, oh, oh, oh, the blue pieces. I'm good at the blue pieces. Let's just do that. Or the orange pieces. I see those. I can do that. This stress bucket assessment is about saying, hey, let's try to put all the pieces on the table first. That's what today is about. this guided assessment. We are going to look at both sides of the seesaw, the stressor side and the supporter side in a way that I hope is structured enough to actually be useful for you. 

And I do want to say up front that this process is usually a little bit better in a more tangible, guided, experiential way. So here's what I mean by that. In today's conversation, I'm going to offer you this framework in the best way possible that I can in this audio only modality. The way that this looks in our coaching programs is that we go through this exercise with workbook pages. This lives inside Restore if you want to do it in a one-on-one setting. This workbook and this exercise and these pages live inside the Regulated Living membership. If you want to go through it in a more self-paced way. So if you are one of the many who are listening to this, who are a member, when you're going through this process, pull out the module three, I think it is the module three workbook pages that talk about our stress bucket assessment. And that is going to just support this process a little bit more. Again, if you're interested in the membership or restore, there's always links in the show notes where you can learn more. 

But even without the workbook, you can do this. You can do this process, grab a journal, do the notes app on your phone, whatever works best for you. This is going to be an episode you can listen through, just start to finish the first time. But if you're going to come back to it, I think you would do well to do a little bit of listen, pause, write, listen, pause, write. And I think that's how you're going to get the most is by actually engaging in this process with me a little bit real time. So we're going to start with the stressors side of the seesaw. 

So we right now are going to look at your stress bucket. And when we have clients do this, we have two main categories of stressors that we look at individually. A category we call your baseline stressors and one that I call your daily stressors. So your baseline stressors are the things that you wake up with and carry with you day to day. day to day, day to day, day to day, until something fundamentally changes. So these are things that do not fluctuate based on how your Tuesday goes. They are things like chronic illness, financial realities, unresolved past experiences, maybe hormonal imbalances, relationship patterns that have not shifted, marginalization, beliefs about yourself, or the world that run kind of in the background of everything. So if you are thinking about this visual of a bucket, Think about your baseline stressors as the bottom layer of water. This is the water that is always there. It's the water in your bucket that you wake up with every day. Then you have your daily stressors. 

So again, imagine your bucket and just above your bucket is a water tap or a spigot. And there's water flowing out of this spigot. That water is layering on top of your baseline stressors, and that water represents your daily stressors, this flow of day-to -day inputs. So this might be your to-do list, your commute, a tense email, a hard conversation with a coworker, a poor night's sleep, skipping lunch, scrolling through your phone, notifications that keep pulling through your attention. These are things that vary, and some days maybe your tap is barely dripping, and other days, It's on full blast. And here is where this distinction becomes really genuinely useful to our clients. When you look at the proportion of your bucket that is baseline stressors versus daily stressors, it starts to tell you where your leverage might actually be. So if you do this assessment, and you realize that you are dealing with a high level of baseline stressors, significant unresolved past experiences, chronic health conditions, deep-seated beliefs about safety or worth, even a manageable daily load is going to feel overwhelming because your bucket is already significantly full before your day starts. That baseline water is there, always. That pattern often points towards the need for supported, deeper work. Addressing what's underneath, not just strategically managing your day-to-day flow. 

Now, if your baseline is moderate, but your daily tap, that spigot, feels like it is on full blast all the time. Too many inputs, too fast, very little to no recovery between them. That's a different problem. That's not primarily a trauma healing problem. That's a life management and stress load problem. And we oftentimes take a different approach there. And then the reality is that most of us are dealing with some of both, which means that we need some kind of combined approach. And that's exactly what the rest of this series is about, is to try to help you figure out where your highest leverage points might be right now in this season of your life or this stage of your healing. 

So let me give you an example to kind of bring some of these concepts to life a little bit. I want you to think about someone, let's call them Riley. Riley wakes up and already in their bucket before the day begins is some chronic back pain, financial strain. A history of past experiences that maybe still affect their sense of security or safety in the world. So that's their baseline. Those are their baseline stressors. The bucket is already carrying something when they wake up in the morning. Now their day starts. They wake up. They skip breakfast. They hit traffic on the way to work. They open their inbox to a flood of emails, including one in particular from their manager with an urgent request. Then maybe they grab. Fast food that they eat at their desk. It spikes their blood sugar. They have that following energy crash. Maybe they have like an awkward exchange with a coworker. And to dissociate from that, they start scrolling social media. And it feels like a break in the moment. It does. But it actually is just more input to an already overwhelmed system. Then this person maybe comes home to pet or parental responsibilities, house stuff, financial decisions. For some of you, you're like, yeah, that's my every day. Or for some of you, you've had those days. So by the end of the day, Riley's bucket isn't just full. Their bucket's been full since like two hours after they woke up. Their tap has been running full blast all day with almost nothing. on the supporter side of their seesaw to offset this. So their overflow at the end of the day, remember our overflow is our symptoms. For them, their overflow is looking like snapping at their kids or their partner whom they love. They kind of just dissolve into overthinking or anxiety and eventually by the end of the day, just shut down completely. Which if you look at their day, if you consider the pieces that we're looking at, That response actually makes perfect sense. 

So this is your first task for the episode. Your first task, not dissolving into anxiety, but to start building an honest picture of what both of these categories look like in your life. And you can choose to do this in a really open-ended way where you grab a pen and paper and you just write. baseline stressors and do a brain dump, right? Another piece of paper, daily stressors and do a brain dump. Or you can consider hitting pause between each of the subcategories that I'm about to suggest that you reflect on. 

So we're going to start together. If you want to do this more guided with me, we're going to start with your baseline stressors. So again, these are the chronic ongoing inputs that you carry until something fundamentally changes. And when I say fundamentally changes, I mean that you have chronic health conditions or pain that you work with a provider and those resolve, or you have a deeply overbearing perfectionist part that you do some awesome therapeutic work around and that part softens and life changes, or you have a chronically unhealthy relationship that you exit. So these are things that unless you do some very intentional targeted work to change, they're just here. They're just here. And these baseline stressors tend to cluster into a few categories. So again, if you're following along right now, we've got a piece of paper in front of us. The top big words, baseline stressors. And then underneath, I'm going to offer some sub category headers to explore. The first being body health. 

So you write down body health. And in a moment, I'm going to invite you to hit pause and start to write down things that exist for you in the category of body health that feel like they're always there. This could be chronic illness. hormonal, like unresolved hormonal imbalances, gut issues, a sleep disorder, nutritional deficiencies. It could be a past injury that still affects how you move through the world. I have a funky shoulder issue that I've mentioned a number of times on the podcast, lots of past dislocations, surgery over 15 years ago, but it's still like there was trauma there. I still carry the impacts of that today. So I want you to hit pause. Ooh, concussions. Write down concussions if you've had concussions. That's a big one. Body health issues. Hit pause right now. And I want to invite you to write down any kind of ongoing. physical, physiological things that you know about. 

Okay. Theoretically, you hit pause and now you're back. 

So before we move on, that category of stressors is actually a big part of why we now offer such comprehensive lab work through regulated health. Because things like mineral deficiencies, cortisol patterns, gut health, these show up in people's stress buckets in ways that like a pure stress management practice is never going to fully address. That traditional kind of talk therapy is never going to be able to address. And we want to know that those body health, physiological red flags, we want to know what they are so that we can take a really targeted approach because that's oftentimes a high leverage place for you to create some capacity. when you're clear on what some of those imbalances or deficiencies might be. 

Okay, moving on. The next category to consider, so you would write, is connection and community. So some things to reflect on here in the baseline stressor area is, do you chronically feel isolated? Are you in general lacking close relationships? Do you feel like there's unresolved or ongoing conflict with family or loved ones? Is there a sense of being disconnected from any kind of community or group? Humans are wired for community and co -regulation. Loneliness or chronic relational tension. These are not just soft inputs. These are major. destabilizing threats to our nervous system. They are significant chronic stressors that live in the baseline. So take a minute and what comes up for you within this category of connection and community? 

Okay, moving on. Next category is environment. So reflecting on your chronic environment situation right now, this could be things like unstable or unsafe housing. long-term exposure to toxins, maybe sensory overstimulation. Again, I currently live in a house with three young children and a dog. It's loud. It's loud and there's always a smell and I don't know, constant clutter or disorganization. Is the environment often messy? Or maybe... Consider your access to nature or green spaces. If there's a lack of that in general in your life, that's going to read as threatening to your system. So your nervous system is constantly reading your environment for safety signals. And an environment that does not send those signals becomes a baseline stressor. So what of these might exist for you? Take some time and write those down. 

Okay, next category. We've got just two more. is what I label as mindset and emotional patterns. So this includes things like unresolved trauma or past experiences, negative thought patterns that are chronic, that are kind of always there for you, beliefs about not being good enough, the world being unsafe, needing to earn rest, needing to be perfect to be accepted. Is there any ongoing anxiety or low mood? So these patterns live in this baseline because they're not situational. These are the mindset or emotional patterns that kind of color everything for you. So write down what some of those might be. 

And then the final category that we often look at here in baseline stressors is something we title daily life management. So this could be ongoing for you caregiving responsibilities. better believe that I put motherhood here. And for me, I get really specific when I do my assessments. So not just motherhood, because there's also parts of motherhood that I would totally put on the supporter side of my seesaw. But what aspects of caregiving or motherhood for me right now feel like they are just chronically stressful for me? A lot of that is around meals. The fact... every lunch I pack for my kid, I feel like I just sink into this, oh my gosh, I'm just gonna have to do this again tomorrow. And then again, and then again, and then again. Or laundry, sometimes I feel that way too. I'm like, the laundry is never done. It's never done. It's never done. I digress, I digress. Caregiving responsibilities for you might not be kids. It might look a number of ways. Other things, That may be a baseline stressor in this category could be chronic financial stress, feeling constantly overwhelmed by your to-do list, juggling multiple roles without sufficient recovery or support, not having regular habits or tools for regulation. So what lives there for you? 

Okay, now we're gonna move on to daily stressors, but I also wanna remind you that this is not a one and done. As you start to pay attention to these things, come back and add to this. This is something that I do very, very intentionally at least once a year. And then it's also something that I kind of reflect on a review about once a quarter. Like what do my baseline stressors look like right now? What are my daily stressors? How can I go through editing that, which we'll talk about in the next episode. So know that this invitation, this exercise is a very living and breathing thing for me. And maybe it becomes helpful for that. to be how it is for you too. 

So moving on to assessing our daily stressors. So same categories, but these are the variable elements in those categories. So think like poor sleep last night specifically, skipping meals today, a hard conversation with a coworker this morning, today's particular commute. the overstimulation of constant notifications, a cluttered workspace that makes you feel behind, a caffeine intake, ruminating on something someone said, feeling rushed or behind all day. So again, here is my invitation for what you do with this. And I won't go through this as slowly because those category headers are the same, but you would grab a new piece of paper and at the top you would write daily stressors. And then you would walk through those same categories. Body health, connection and community, environment, mindset and emotional patterns, daily life management. What is coming up and what's there for you? And before moving on, I'll give you some examples so that you can start to really differentiate what might be baseline in a particular category versus daily. 

So body health. Sleep disorder would go in the baseline category, but just having poor sleeping habits, staying up too late, inconsistent patterns, not getting enough sleep, I would put that in a daily stressor here. Often skipping meals versus like an eating disorder would be more. baseline, not drinking enough water, struggling to make time for regular movement or exercise. Then in connection and community for daily stressors, maybe it's frequent miscommunications or conflict with coworker, family, or friends struggling to set or maintain boundaries, feeling stressed by social obligations or maintaining relationships on a day-to-day basis. In your environment, it could be Loud noises, disruption by neighbors. Again, a commute that's long or stressful. Cluttered home that maybe feels a little bit more dynamic. Sometimes it's really cluttered, sometimes it's not. Spending less time outside a day than we need as humans. Mindset and emotional. I frequently feel rushed or overwhelmed that could go there. I struggle managing kind of intrusive or stressful thoughts on a day-to-day basis. I feel easily overwhelmed by daily tasks. I avoid confronting difficult emotions. And then daily life management. I feel overwhelmed by daily household chores or errands. I have too many things on my schedule. unexpected events pop up. I forget to use my regulation tools on a regular basis. I multitask or feel overwhelmed. So taking some time with those categories and just seeing what comes up. And it's okay. It's okay if you're like, I don't know, does this go on baseline or daily? It doesn't. It doesn't oftentimes matter. Do this exercise imperfectly. Do it in whatever way that does not overly stress out your system. Approach this with as much curiosity and just put things somewhere on a list. 

So again, baseline stressors, what chronically is in your bucket? The things that are kind of always there. And then daily stressors, what is filling it on a day-to-day basis based on how you are living or what's happening around you? And remember, right now you're not trying to edit this list. You're not trying to solve or change anything. We are just approaching this with curiosity and taking an honest look at what's there. And we did this recently together inside the membership and someone commented, 

“it was really helpful to write out my baseline and daily stressors. I frequently judge myself for feeling anxious or shut down. I tell myself that my life isn't that bad or that I should just be cool. But when I write out all the stressors that are always circling in my mind, It makes sense why I feel a constant level of anxiety. And I appreciate the reminder that my symptoms make sense.” 

No notes. I love comments like this, that moment of it makes sense. 

Now let's switch gears or really just switch sides of the seesaw. And the next step is to look at your supporters. And friends, you do not need to do this. all in one go. Maybe you spend just a couple minutes a day. Maybe it takes you a whole week just to assess your baseline. And then you move on to your daily, your supporters. Maybe you do it in one go. But in this process, the next thing that we look at are supporters. And I want to be really clear about how I want you to approach this part of the assessment. I am not asking you what your supporters should be. I'm not asking you what you wish was on the supporter side. I am asking you what is actually consistently, genuinely present in your life right now. And so again, you have the option to do this in a more open-ended brain dump way or to look at those same category subheaders, but through a supportive lens. 

So piece of paper, big header, supporters, subheader, body health. What are the things that you're already doing or things that are already in place that feel supportive for you? Are you getting quality sleep, eating nutritious meals, drinking enough water, moving your body consistently? Are you managing your health conditions? Maybe you have an awesome support team or treatment in place that's working. So what are the things that support your body health? 

And then moving on to connection and community. What are the things that feel supportive for you here? Do you have meaningful, authentic relationships? Is there someone you can turn to when things are hard? Do you feel part of a community or a group that brings you genuine joy or meaning? Do you feel comfortable asking for help or setting boundaries? Kind of what's working for you in that area? 

And then we look at environment. Do you feel safe or relaxed in your home environments or have places where you do? Do you have access to nature, clean air, outdoor spaces to help you recharge? Does your workspace feel organized or supportive rather than chaotic and overwhelming? 

Then we have mindset and emotional. Are you able to practice self-compassion? Even imperfectly, but do you have the ability to like make a mistake and be like, oh, how human of me? Okay. Do you have tools to help process and navigate difficult emotions or particular nervous system regulation tools that you know work for you predictably and you can turn to them? Do you have moments where you experience awe or laughter or creativity or gratitude on a regular basis? 

And then we can look at daily life management. Do you have systems or routines that make your life feel more manageable? Can you delegate or ask for help when it's needed? Do you make time for rest or hobbies or things you actually enjoy on a regular basis? So what regular practices, even small ones, kind of in your daily life lead to feeling grounded or more regulated? 

And so in this, you are writing down what's actually there. And then maybe as a second part of this, that'll kind of bleed into what we're doing in the next part of this series. Maybe you do want to consider writing down what's noticeably absent. And on the same discussion thread in the membership from the previous comment I shared, another woman mentioned that in doing this exercise, 

“in doing this, I was reminded. just how much I lack supporters. And that is so painful. And it mostly feels outside my control right now.” 

And I share that because if that's where you land with this awareness exercise too, I just need you to know that you're not alone in that. And I also just have to share that one thing that was just so, so lovely to see was that there were another couple members who just immediately commented back to this woman and was like, hey, like we're here for you. We'd be happy to connect. Like we can be your support. And that's just like one of the many things I just love, love, love about the membership. 

But OK, back to this exercise. Assessing both sides makes. that gap or that imbalance between the weight of your stressors and the weight of your supporters side become really obvious. And it's this imbalance that we are going to be talking more about in this series. Now, I know this episode is getting longer than our normal episodes, but there's just one more layer that I want to add to this assessment. And it's nothing else that you have to write down, but just something to think about as you observe, because I think this little nugget can be really impactful in guiding your healing, in guiding what you do next with your seesaw assessment. 

So I want you to look now at how your bucket overflows because the way your stress shows up, the symptoms, the reactions, the moments when kind of you fall apart or you shut down or you spiral out or you're really reactive, that's really helpful information. too. And again, being able to read those circumstances accurately changes how you approach what comes next. 

So there are two different things that can cause a really big reaction to something that seems really small. And they look similar from the outside, but they are pointing to very different things underneath. this could and probably in the future should be its own episode, but I'm going to include it here because it makes sense too. So the first thing is what I call a trigger. You've probably heard of being triggered. So within the stress bucket analogy, a trigger is when something in your present experience connects to a past fear or hurt. And because it does that, it causes a disproportionate response that feels immediate and intense. 

So I want you to think about this like dropping a giant boulder into your stress bucket. It's a really big input, big reaction, almost instantaneously. And a lot of times it's not really about what just happened. It is about what that thing is echoing from way further back. So work criticism that feels devastating because it pings on a childhood experience of never feeling good enough or a partner going quiet that sends you into panic because it echoes old abandonment. So a trigger is a boulder. The displacement is immediate and significant. 

Then. we have the second something that I refer to as overflow. So overflow is when a small stressor causes a big reaction, not because of the particular stressor, but simply because your bucket was already full. So it is like the final drop that tips the scale. So a minor schedule change that sends you completely over the edge because you were already stretched on capacity absolutely losing it, snapping at your kids over something small because you've just been holding it all together too much all day long or crying in your car about something that objectively doesn't matter. Like your logical brain is like, I do not need to cry over this, but I cannot stop crying over this. Overflow is not necessarily about that specific thing or that moment. It's really just about the accumulated load. 

And so the way that I want you to think about the difference, a trigger again, a trigger is a boulder, big input, immediate, big reaction. Overflow is just the final drop, small input, but a big reaction because it was the final drop that caused the bucket to start overflowing. And this distinction, again, it matters. It matters because it points you in different directions. If you notice a pattern, certain situations, certain people, certain dynamics that consistently produce a disproportionate reaction for you, regardless of how full your bucket is, that's likely a trigger. And that is pointing you towards deeper healing work, trauma processing, parts work, understanding what old wound is being activated. But if you notice that your reactions vary just depending on how stressed you already are, things that roll off you on a good day but destroy you on a hard one, that's more likely overflow. And that points towards more strategic stress management, looking at your bucket, building the support side, getting strategic like we're going to talk about next week, how to delete, delegate, do differently towards your daily stressors. Again, most of us have both happening at some point, but knowing which is which, reflecting kind of in the aftermath of a big reaction, like, was this a boulder or just like a final drop in my stress bucket? Over time, those patterns can tell you a lot about where your energy in this work is best spent. Okay. I think that is going to wrap up. That is going to wrap up today. 

So what are the three takeaways? 

Number one, Your stress bucket has two kinds of inputs, baseline stressors and daily stressors. Both fill the bucket, but knowing kind of what proportion of what is in your bucket can point you towards maybe your highest leverage starting point for managing your stress load. 

Number two, the supporter side of the seesaw also needs a really honest assessment. What is consistently supportive for you? And then looking at The balance or imbalance between your stressors and supporters. Because like we'll talk about next week, sometimes we can't adjust a lot of our stressors. Well, how can we get creative about adding supporters? And if supporters are not available to us, then your option is to manage your stress load. But how can we do a little bit of both? And really, it's about finding balance there. 

And takeaway number three, big reactions to small things are either a trigger. or an overflow. A trigger is that boulder connecting our present to our past. And that overflow is just that final drop in an already full bucket. And knowing which is which, again, points you towards either deeper healing work or better stress management. 

All right. All right. All right, friend. Thank you. Thank you for being here, for being in this work so deeply. As always, I want to hear from you. If you're actually doing this work, if you're writing these things on paper, send me pictures, send me an email, tag me on Instagram. I love to connect with the very real humans on the other end of this microphone. 

So until next week, I am sending so much hope and healing your way. 

Thanks for listening to another episode of the regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rise, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space, or apply for our one-on-one anxiety and depression coaching program, Restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here and I'll see you next time.