34: Red Flags You Should Never Ignore - Part 2

If you haven't had a chance to listen to Part 1, make sure to check it out and share it with your loved ones. Navigating relationships can be challenging, which is why it's essential to be aware of these red flags. 

Do you have a friend who always seems to ignore red flags in her relationships? Maybe you've been trying to give her advice, but she won't listen. In this episode, we dive deep into the red flags you should never ignore. From drug and alcohol usage to violence and even that gut feeling you can't explain, we uncover the warning signs that could save your friend's life. This episode is for you if you want to help your loved ones navigate the treacherous waters of relationships and protect them from heartbreak and danger. Tune in now and share this valuable information with those who need it most

In this episode, you will:

1. Discover the importance of recognizing red flags early on in your relationship
2. Learn how to respond when noticing red flags - better yet, what do to when they are yellow
3. Understand how to assess communication safely within the relationship

Mentioned Resources

Ep 2: Build Your Village

Ep 6: Spring Cleaning - Toxic Relationships

Connect with Kimberly

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Download your copy now -> Should You Take Your Ex Back

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hi ladies and welcome to the Physician Podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Knight, and today we are going to pick up where we left off with red flags you should never ignore. Now, when I was recording these, I had so many things that I wanted to share with you. I said, I have got to make a second episode because it is so important. Some of these red flags will actually save your life, not just your heart from heartbreak, but your actual life. So this is one of those shows. You listen in, make sure that you listen to both parts. If you have not had a chance to listen to part one, I am going to put the link to part one in the show notes. So be sure to click on that and have a listen. And also share this with a good friend. Share this with your sisters, your cousins, because quite frankly, navigating relationships can be difficult. And you know what? You're the person that they come to when they have these flags and you have been telling them this and they are not listening. So I'm here to help. Your prayers have been answered. I'm here to help share this podcast with someone that you love. All right, here we go. Have you come to the point in your life where doing that work, church, home repeat just isn't working for you anymore? And you know there's got to be more to life than this, then girl, you've come to the right place. I'm Kimberly Knight, and this is the Position Podcast. As a certified coach, consultant, author, and speaker, I've had the privilege of helping women to position themselves for success in life, love, and business. So if you're ready for some wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, join me and other experts each week as we give you the conversation coaching and keys you need to take you to your next steps. Welcome to the Position Podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Knight, and today we're going to continue with red flags that you should never ignore in relationships. And as you know from part one, I am a firm believer in not waiting until red flags are red. I pay attention when they're yellow. So along that vein, let's continue where we left off. Here is another red flag. Now, this is a biggie. Pay attention to their drug and alcohol usage. Listen, I'm a teetotaler. I don't believe in it at all. Drugs nor alcohol, it's not for me. I feel that it is definitely something I don't want to do. I really have very strong opinions about it that I will spare you on this episode. However, what I want you to do is to pay attention to whether or not they drink alcohol and or use drugs, how, when, how often, and how much. And also, like, how does it change their personality? Because here's the truth. Sometimes, a lot of times, people's behavior changes as they use substances. You want to pay attention and pray attention. Okay. Here's another biggie. This is definitely a red flag. This is a one-time red flag. You don't wait to see if it happens again. It's a one and done. And that is violence. If this man is violent towards others, even if he's as sweet as pie to you, this is a red flag. It's a one and done red flag. You don't sit there and wait to see. Oh, he's so sweet to me. I know he's mean to other people. I know he threatens other people, but he doesn't treat me like that. He doesn't treat you like that now. Because there is nothing that violence is the answer to, especially in dating, right? And if he is capable of being violent with others, he is capable of being violent with you. Don't wait until you become the victim. It is a red flag. Again, that's practically a black flag. You need to get out, you need to get out fast. Do not return. You got one time to show me your violence streak. That's it. I believe you the first time. This could save your life. Pay attention. And akin to that, you know, is yelling and shouting. So usually violence escalates, right? Usually people don't just pop off. It escalates. And it could very well start with yelling and shouting. So if he yells and shouts and his reactions are unstable or unpredictable, it's a red flag. It's a red flag. And you never know when they're going to lash out. See, that's the thing. You never know when people are going to lash out. So you need to distance yourself before it's too late. You need to exit stage right. I'm telling you, red flag. Because one leads right into the other. Here's another one. Ladies, if you don't hear anything else I said, hear this. This is so important. This is such a red flag. You have this bad feeling, but you can't explain it. Let me tell you something. Many people have gotten themselves into trouble because they didn't obey that bad feeling. And the world will call it intuition or that gut feeling. It is the Holy Spirit saying to you, girl, get out. This man is not safe for you. Our problem is we want to try to explain it, or we want to try to explain it away so that we can have what we want. But sometimes what you want will kill you. If you get that inkling, that feeling when you're around him, it's uneasy. You're unsettled. You're restless. You don't feel safe, but you don't know why. Do not try to get an answer. And I'm not talking about you're walking in fear and you're scared of being hurt. I am talking about there is something visceral. There is just this automatic thing that when you're in his presence, you don't feel safe. Get out. It is the Holy Spirit telling you you're not safe. And this thing about the feeling the butterflies, that may not be butterflies. That may be your body reacting and telling you you are not safe. Please, please, I cannot say this strongly enough. The Holy Ghost is a teacher. He will teach you, he will give you that discernment, but now it's up to you what you do with that. Okay, here's something else. Oh my gosh. If a man is flirting with someone else in front of you or snaps his neck to watch a woman walk away while he's with you, that's not only rude and disrespectful, it is a red flag. It's also mean. Why would you want to stay with someone who has such disregard for you that they don't even try to hide the fact they're not clearly interested in you? I mean, they're clearly not interested in you. I'll never forget this. My husband and I were out having dinner or lunch or something. We were in a restaurant, and there was this guy. And every time the waitress would come, he was flirting with the waitress. I'm like, oh my gosh, look at this madness. Look at this madness. Wow. I said, this girl, I wanted to go up and say, baby, come on, let me give you a ride home because you drop the zero. This is a no. That's a no. Here's the other thing, and this is why I say we have to stop dating for entertainment. You get information so that you can see whether or not to move forward with this person. Because while we're on the subject, you have to check their definition and their views on monogamy because everybody does not have the same definition. So if you want a serious relationship with one person at a time, they might not. And if you can't agree on the definitions of monogamy, or you cannot agree to follow the same definition, that's a major red flag, ladies. Here's the other thing. In the beginning, if he is hesitant about his definition of monogamy and he says, Well, okay, let's try it your way, that's a red flag still. Because at some point, pressure, desire, or just habit is going to kick in and he will revert to his definition. So if your definitions of monogamy don't match, run. You're gonna get your heart broken. It is a red flag. Let me give you an example. You need to agree on what does cheating look like to you? Because some people feel that they can have an emotional relationship with someone as long as they're not sexual. And that's not cheating. Oh, that's not true. That's a warm-up. That's what that is. Actually, ladies, if we want to be honest, we call that foreplay. Foreplay. So when you're attracted to someone and you're flirting with them and you're becoming intimate before the bed, it's called foreplay. That's not monogamy. Don't write me because I know I'm right about this. It is a red flag, and you have got to pay attention. So other things that I want you to pay attention to are things like him staying on his phone all the time while you're on the date. So if he's constantly on his phone, it's a red flag because it means he's not interested enough to participate uninterrupted in your conversation. You all may not be compatible at all, he may not know how to say goodbye, or he just may be rude. Whatever the case may be, pay attention to this. Now, let me give some exceptions. If he has a responsible position where he's on call, that is different. If he has an on-call phone, totally different. If he has children or other dependents who depend upon him for their care, for safety, or something of that nature, that may be a different thing. But let me tell you what I know for sure. If a man is interested in you and he wants to spend time with you, he will find a way or make one. He will find someone to take care of those kids, his mama, his dog, and anything else so that he can spend that time with you. If he is consistently interrupted in that time, you've got to pay attention. Because remember, when you are dating someone, they are in their best behavior. This is as good as it's going to get. You're not guaranteed there's going to be any other changes made. Pay attention. This is a red flag. Okay, here's something else that just dropped in my spirit, and I literally just thought about this. You are in this relationship, you want to move forward, but you cannot agree on whether or not you want children. Oh my gosh. This is a huge red flag. So if one of you wants children and the other one says, I can't see myself having children, it's not something I've ever envisioned. This is a very sensitive topic, but if that is the case, even if all the other parts of the relationship are good, I am telling you, it is a red flag. If you don't agree on it, it's just danger zone. I have never, I don't want to say never, but I rarely see this turn out well when you disagree on that, right? Because here's the thing you know, you get married and you're being intimate, of course, with your husband. There's a likelihood that you're going to get pregnant. And now this person feels like, well, I told you I didn't want children. Did you trick me? I feel tricked. I feel bamboozled. It's going to be a stress, it's going to be a strain, it's going to be a drama. And I have seen people get married knowing that their spouse did not want children. And then it becomes a big hullabaloo after the wedding. Don't do this to yourself. It is a red flag. Not because that person is evil or wrong. They're telling you what they prefer. But it's a red flag because if you can't agree on it, it is too big of a thing to ignore. All right. So lastly, and this one is kind of tricky because sometimes, sometimes, girls, we're way too picky and we've put too much stock in this one, but it is a red flag nonetheless. I want to talk about it and I want to qualify it. You find him unattractive. Now, if you find this man unattractive, it's a red flag. However, sometimes, sometimes we're too quick to say that and we get caught up in the way a man looks, but you're going to be married to that character too. So I definitely want you to be attracted to him, but you also have to check his character. And some of us definitely have a type, and that type consistently breaks our hearts. So you have to pay attention and pray attention about this one. Because on the flip side of that, you also cannot build a relationship with someone who totally turns you off. Don't waste your time. Don't invest in somebody that you know totally turns you off. Now, if you have this whole thing about he's got to be six feet tall and he's got to be able to bench press 200 pounds and he's got to be uh light skinned with blue eyes and brown hair. Ladies, okay, back it up. Back it up. Oh boy, it's too much. Make sure you are concerned about his character and that his character is attractive and that you are physically attracted to him. But to have this whole long checklist that he's got to be this, this, this, this, and that, and that, and the third, and this is too much, girls. It's a red flag. Yeah. All of that is a red flag. Just do it that what you will. Now, okay, so I've given you a lot of red flags that I have seen in relationships and with the women that I've been coaching and in my programs. So here's what you should do if you see a red flag while you're dating or in a relationship. First, we pay closer attention when that flag is yellow. So before it turns red, you've got to pay attention. You also have to understand your limits, know your boundaries, and express them in discussion, right? So you've got to be able to have adult, mature conversations around these things. And sometimes a person just doesn't know. And he may say, I didn't know that that was hurtful to you. I didn't understand that that was a boundary for you. I am so sorry. I didn't want to do anything to hurt you. Let me work on that. See, you can continue the relationship. You pay attention, you continue to monitor, you check in with your accountability partners, you check in with your village, but you can continue in that relationship because he's expressing concern about what you shared, about what's a red flag to you. If he says things like, Well, that's just the way I am, or I'm set in my ways, or you know, love me or leave me, that's a whole different ballgame. That's a red flag. Maybe you need to take two steps to the right on that one. Also, when you see a red flag, okay, let me back up again. If you see that a flag is yellow or even slightly pink, because now we're moving into the red, discuss it with your accountability people, right? Discuss this with your village and see what their thoughts are. If you get that uneasy feeling that I talked about earlier, discuss it with your village. Get their thoughts on it. And here's the other thing. If you don't feel safe to express your feelings, if you don't feel safe enough to tell them that this was a concern for you, that is definitely past the yellow into the red. Why is it that you feel so unsafe to share honestly and openly? It's a red flag. And you need to consider whether or not this relationship is for you. Well, I hope this was helpful. And I know there was a lot of information. So if you have any questions or I can support you in any way, my contact information is in the show notes. Also, girls, I know for a fact you know friends who need this episode. So be sure to like and share it so that we can get this information far and wide and free our friends from these bad relationships and red flags. I'd love to hear from you. I'm looking forward to it. In the meantime, have a great day. Bye now. All right, that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening so you never miss one. I would love it if you would share the podcast with your friends, post about it on Facebook and Instagram, or leave a review. That way you can help me to bring you more great content and expert guests. Until next week, be blessed.