A Little Alignment
In "A Little Alignment," we pour our hearts into conscious conversations about the things we love to geek out about -- psychology, philosophy, optimal health, art, science, mysticism, spirituality, success, relationships and more.
We live for those priceless "aha" moments that have the potential to awaken creativity and curiosity, and remind you of your beauty, power, and presence.
Our intention is to help you realign with your most whole and exceptional self.
Tune in as we navigate the beautiful path to self-discovery together. 🎙️🥂
A Little Alignment
Reclaiming Your Inner Child
Picture the boundless curiosity and fearless imagination you held as a child—what if I told you that reclaiming that very spirit could be the secret to revitalizing your adult life? Join us as we discuss the all-too-common drift away from our innate selves, often nudged by societal expectations. This episode is a celebration of the unique individuals we have always been and continue to become.
I think that we come into this world very unique and that's important. We're here to embody specific qualities and if we do, man, how beautiful, how beautiful is the world when people learn to embody their individuality and really step into that. How much better do you perform the things that you're doing If it's something that you love? How much better do you perform in life in general If you just allow, if you allow yourself to engage in the things that you love, you have more energy and more passion for living. Welcome to a little alignment. If you enjoy what you hear today, if you gain some value from our episode, please leave us a good rating and review at the end. Every single review counts. It really does make a difference. We would appreciate it with all our hearts. We're so glad you all are here with us, helping us create a little more alignment in the world. Hello everybody. Okay, lauren and I are fired up already about this topic, so fired up we were literally just we couldn't hit the record button fast enough.
Speaker 1:We were just kind of talking about what we're going to talk about, and I was like let's just start recording it.
Speaker 2:She's like, okay, let's go, and we just yeah could not. Couldn't even.
Speaker 1:Quickly enough. So what we want to talk about today is reclaiming the inner child, which is, very, like you know, conscious awareness language around, just becoming our kid like selves again. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I found a really empowering question to ask. Well, a really insightful question to ask let's put it that way is when I was a kid, I was blank, or when I was a kid I did blank or I liked blank.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And it's interesting as you start to compile a little list for yourself, which, if you want to go ahead and pause this and start compiling a little bit of list, unfortunately might take a moment. It took me a moment to like remember her. Yeah, I can't at first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is really heartbreaking, but that's what today is for, oh, but yeah, but it's also okay.
Speaker 1:There's heartbreaking, and part of that was like there was something in me that felt the disconnect and I was like yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And anyway, something that came back really clearly for me was a visual, a moment of me walking into kindergarten. It's my first day of school, oh, and I remember walking in just totally at home, like I saw all the kids and was just like they're my friends and this is so cool. And look at this, and where's my teacher? I love her. I don't even know her. I love her. Mom. Why are you still here? I'm good, leave me alone. You know, and I was very much that way in school, like I got in trouble for being too social. Lauren and I were just talking about how our report cards were very similar.
Speaker 1:They would reflect how we were great students and we were doing a great job. But also she's a little bit of a social butterfly.
Speaker 2:Always. And I like I did not know what that meant and we're laughing about how we didn't know what that meant, but I remember. So I mean it was a legitimate pattern on all of my report cards. Yeah, Lauren's a little bit of a social butterfly. The same exact way we must have had, like the same teachers. But we totally didn't. But I didn't know and I was like, well, I like butterflies, Maybe that's cool but cute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I also I remember being like, oh sorry, like immediately started to see, you know, wanting to be with other people as a bad thing, or, you know, maybe I did like tone it down a bit.
Speaker 2:There was something. I needed to shift. I did know that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I needed to be a little less myself, like a little quieter. Yeah, exactly that was a hard part, though.
Speaker 2:Actually, I think when I first started trying to understand it, it was like well, do I like not talk to people? Like I didn't realize I was doing it too much, right Enough for it to be. You know, something that's highlighted on my report card?
Speaker 1:I mean geez, but that's the that's the gift of childhood is there we see things as they really are, right, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But no, there was constructs in place in our you know, standard education situation. Yeah, this is how you're supposed to learn and this is how the learning environment works best for everyone and how it works, how it's going to work for you. And it was probably not the best for us, I mean, no, it wasn't the best for me, because I did not have a great experience with my primary education. Yeah, I hated it a little bit later in life, but anyway, probably because this.
Speaker 1:But here's what's interesting is that thinking about that now, something that's really, something that's just really true for me is that I have, since then, experienced somewhat of I'm going to call it social anxiety yeah, I have to but a bit of a disconnect from other people. Like I start to see myself as separate and see potentially people who are like I have something to prove to, or that are maybe better than me or know things that I don't know, like some form of on the outside looking in, instead of like that little girl walked in, like this is home, just like my home is home, like you're all my friends and there's nothing to prove, there's nothing to learn and there is no separation right. But I learned to separate myself and that took me to a different memory of when I was in middle school and I was a late bloomer big time.
Speaker 2:I think we've talked about this before and I think you were also a late bloomer. Yeah, we were both late bloomers.
Speaker 1:I don't know how we've had such a similar experience.
Speaker 2:Isn't that so funny?
Speaker 1:It's pretty cool actually, but I was very much a late bloomer and all of my friends were not, so they were very beautiful. I mean, I was beautiful too, but they had the curves that I didn't develop till later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was so mad that all the other girls could like fill out these cute little Capri pants that I could not. I was like why does everything look like a bag on me? Meanwhile she's looking. I was not into curves or really even knew what those were, I just knew that like why does everything have to look like a bag on me and it doesn't on other people?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and at that time, like that period of development psychologically, we're really trying to figure out who our people are right, like where we belong outside of the home. And I had some experiences that really were. I mean, I was different physically than my friends and there were a couple of. I was kind of that girl that the boys would come to to ask me if my friends liked them, like do you think that your friend would ever go for?
Speaker 2:me.
Speaker 1:And sometimes it was guys that I had a huge crush on, you know, and I was just. I always just felt like cute little Kendra that was invisible. So it's interesting that in my purest state I was like we're all here together and this is we're all. This is so fun and I can't wait to talk to everybody and some experiences that I had and I don't necessarily have access to all of them and I don't need to, and neither does anyone but something developed a separation from other people, as I had a separation of from myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think this is actually a really good moment to like take a pause and sort of recognize what happened, because I like to go back with people when we review, like, well, where did this thought come from or where did this behavior come from? And so when we think about little Kendra and separating from her true self little by little, it's important to see where it was. Outside ideas, it was like constructs, and it was also the perception of a seven-year-old, 10-year-old or 12-year-old that developed these ideas and these thoughts. So, like, what do we know about seven-year-olds?
Speaker 1:Well for sure we know that the brain is still absolutely in development, and especially the younger we are, the more things feel threatening to our safety and security Right. Even things like not getting attention from our parents to us is like a matter of life and death right. Like if my parents don't love me, will they still take care of me?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, because we're so young, our minds, our brains aren't formed enough to be able to understand, and there's also very specific things that we're learning. Like I said, when you're in that adolescence that, like I don't know, it's somewhere like 11 to 15 or 16, maybe even all the way 18. I can't remember clearly in this moment, but your brain development, your psychological development, is the point where you're trying to find where you belong in the world, right? So it's picking up on all these things, trying to answer the question right, looking for the answer to the question that the mind is asking for development.
Speaker 2:And we just don't have all of the answers, we just don't have all the information. We're just like a little kid, and so it's like these beliefs are built by a seven year old and the wild thing is that we hold onto them, sometimes for the better portion of our lives. So there's like I think that I've been really fortunate to bring an awareness around certain beliefs or limiting beliefs of mine. But I mean I could trace some of them back to pre-K and I didn't release them until, like I don't know, mid to late 20s, right. So like I was holding onto something for 20 years, you know, and then I talked to people who maybe didn't have awareness around certain things for even longer. So it's wild how long we'll hold onto these things. It's that I just love to highlight that, because I think it's so important to know it's a whole part of the whole childhood process that we we lose that connection with our true selves, but for good reason, but also for no reason.
Speaker 1:Right, and you know the the only reason that it sticks with us is because we don't wake up to it, right, we don't make it conscious that, oh, this was a belief that I developed before I had the full ability to have a deeper awareness and understanding what was going on yeah, and you have to be open to that.
Speaker 2:Yes and also.
Speaker 1:Correct, totally, and also it's one of those things I mean as a parent you want to be like oh, how can I protect my child from this? But it's actually really Natural and important and you can't protect someone from it because you protect them again from learning.
Speaker 2:Yeah what?
Speaker 1:what I've heard said before is we get it wrong to get it right.
Speaker 1:Yeah and when it comes to yourself and being yourself, these moments of separation, these little things that happen, that we start to believe there's something that is wrong with us or we need to be different in order to be safe, in order to fit in, in order to Find our people, we need to change, we need to be different. That's us getting it wrong. But when we come to this point of okay, I'm ready to reclaim that inner child, the true essence of myself, that's when we get to get it right. So we get it wrong to understand more clearly and more puttantly who we are.
Speaker 1:I love that so much right and get to choose into it, actively, right and with heart, not just oh. This is just how I've always been. Yeah, you get to say this, how, who I really am and it's who I want to be right right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think whenever I've thought about you know breaking off from your true self or you know losing your inner child, it's always been such a sad thing, yeah you know, it just feels Sad and I'm like kind of like ashamed, like well, why did I do that to myself?
Speaker 2:um, but as we're talking through this just a second ago which is why we got so freaking pumped to just start it's like I really love that switch of that disconnection had to happen, or it. It's also like a good thing. It's not a bad thing because it gives you the opportunity to actively choose into it. But so I really like that because I I don't know, I think I'm like one of those like Perpetual, like positive people, like I just always want to look at the silver lining and things.
Speaker 2:And I feel like that's a huge one within the situation of losing, you know, your little inner child. Yeah, I was in touch with them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you and I, both being in in the, the healing world, the world of healing and and personal development, sometimes we are able to uncover these wounds and understand oh, this is something that's perpetuating cycles in my life and what I've noticed is that it's easy for people to identify with their wounds. I'd be like, oh, because I now have this like insecurity around people and the separateness now I need to make sure that I accommodate that and just know that that's something about myself that's there right. And I see it a lot in relationships like, oh, I have trust issues, for example, because I was hurt and now I see why I have these trust issues.
Speaker 1:and so now my partner needs to accommodate that, instead of saying like that's just, that's just keeping you stuck, it's not it's not reclaiming at, it's not reclamation at all, right, and instead it's saying okay, now that I know that this is not real, leave me. Not real, not really me.
Speaker 1:Yeah these are thoughts that I developed, that I needed to develop, to develop, that helped me develop as a person. Now I get to go through the process of remembering who I really am and remembering and reminding myself oh, that's just a lie that I learned Right and releasing those not letting you on the show anymore, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I think that's such an important distinction, because people really hold on to some of those. What would be like the good word for, like, a good word for um, like you're saying, maybe like somebody doesn't trust in a relationship, so now my partner needs to accommodate for that. No, no, no, no. Your partner doesn't need to do anything. Yeah, they need to honor you in respect to you and obviously, understand to trust and understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah but that's not their job to fix, that's not their job to heal or dig into. That's yours right? And I think that's also where I get like okay, the only person who can actually change this is you, and so you've got to take your power back rather than wishing everything around you would change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, right, it's not being victim to what happens, because that's still being victim to what happened to you think. All right, I've learned myself, I've developed and I understand my wounds now, so I understand myself and I've done the work. But that's just the beginning. The real work comes into play when you have to come face to face with the lies that you've been telling yourself for so long and remember that their lies, remember that they're not real. Yep, people, kendra, people aren't looking at you and deciding how you're different. You don't have anything to prove to people. This is just something that you learned to think, because that was what life was there to teach you, for whatever reason. That's what you learned. Yeah, and you know what I mean. So then I'm like man. What I did actually is I.
Speaker 1:I got a picture of myself from the first grade because she just came so potently back into my, into my awareness, and I put it on my phone to just remember Her. Right, she's in there still. And she, yes, like, yeah, these moments when I catch myself being small or not, feeling like I don't belong in a social situation, or feeling like I can't talk to people because I don't know them, or feeling you know what I mean, like getting that anxiety. Then I can Honestly just embody her, like remember how she felt walking into that classroom like this is great, I'm so excited to meet all these people. But also just as a reminder that all of that's not true. No one is actually looking at you the way you think they are. No one is actually gonna judge you.
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 1:That's not true.
Speaker 2:People will judge you, but it's but it's also just a reflection of them and their own self-judgment. So, right, yeah, I don't worry about that one.
Speaker 1:But just getting out of your head, I mean, that's essentially. It Like getting out of those thoughts and not letting them drive anymore, and it always takes practice. But there are things too, not just the way that you think, but the things that you used to do. Right, like, what are some things that you used to do when you were a kid that you maybe don't do anymore?
Speaker 2:Well, I think that, like one of the biggest ones for me that I became really conscious of is I used to just love spending time doing art of any sort, whether that was like chalk on the sidewalk or painting or coloring.
Speaker 2:That's what I spent so much of my time doing when I was little, and my mom also did like a lot of arts and crafts when I was growing up too. She's like really good at making things and she's really artistic, and so there was a good portion of my life I mean like my childhood was a lot of creativity and like using our hands and making things and fast forward. You know, once I'm in college, I did take an art class and I loved it. But I took one art class, you know. And then, after college, you know it was all about getting the right job and getting my career going. And, of course, if I were to stop and think, okay, what do I really want to do, like what would make me really happy, I'd totally dismissed any of the stuff that made me happy when I was little. Would I have loved to do it?
Speaker 2:Hell yeah, I would have loved to have spent more time painting, and so then, once I did become more conscious of like, hey, how can I bring back more of the elements of that child like version of myself? I did choose to get back into painting, into creating and coloring, like Rob's bought me so many of those like adult coloring books and like all those little things and I just I have so much fun when I do them.
Speaker 2:But that was part of what kind of broke off was like oh, but this is just for fun, it's not serving a purpose, so I shouldn't do it. So is that why you?
Speaker 1:stopped Is because you felt like you could only spend time and energy doing things that quote unquote served a purpose. You lost the purpose in the play.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Yep, I think that happens with a lot of us. It's like oh, this, we're told, this is what makes you successful, this is what you're supposed to do, this is what everyone else is doing and this is you know, and we think that's what will lead us to happiness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but how?
Speaker 1:many of us are walking around. I mean, the reason we're having this conversation is because we've both individually experienced moments of like wait, I'm not happy, right, right, what am I missing? And I feel like this question that we asked at the beginning of this is such a powerful, like a balm to that lack of joy in our lives. Yeah, what were you like as a kid? How did you show up? How did you move through the world? What were some things that excited you and how can you reintroduce yourself to yourself? You know, like let that young, youthful play wonder in the eyes version of yourself back in you know, bring them back into the conversation, into the equation.
Speaker 2:Cause that stuff matters. It does matter, it is important, and I think that that's the most interesting part of this Like for me anyway, it's like I didn't spend time doing those things cause I thought it wasn't important and it didn't matter. But if we're here to experience like a life that's fulfilled and full of joy, isn't it important to do the things that bring those particular things in, like painting and doing art does bring me joy, but I was categorizing it as not important or a waste of time.
Speaker 1:I know it's weird and you know what? I think the school does this a lot to us. We're kind of taught all to be a lot like the same, like this is the path to success, this is the path Very standardized, instead of celebrating our differences and the things that work and didn't work for us when we were learning, and so we end up kind of cookie cutter versions of each other and trying to be like everybody else instead of Like one thing that I remember feeling like I was too much, I was too loud, I was too big, I was too, I laughed too much, I was obnoxious Like that's how I started to feel about myself, yeah, which maybe some people thought I was, but they're just not my people, right yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know I sent you a video the other day that I loved. It said you know you have a true friendship. What was it it was like? Or surround yourself with the people who make you feel like a kid again.
Speaker 2:Like a kid again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you feel like a kid again with them and I think that that's that's a really powerful way to reconnect and also like that's how you know you have like a good friend right when they bring out, like when they bring out the inner child in you and help you to live that way again, to wake that part of you back up again, to reclaim yourself in that way. But, yeah, I just, I think that we come into this world very unique and that's important. We're here for a specific, to embody specific qualities and if we do, man, how beautiful, how beautiful is the world when people learn to embody their individuality and really step into that, the things that they love. How much better do you perform the things that you're doing if it's something that you love? How much better do you perform in life in general? If you just allow, if you allow yourself to engage in the things that you love, you have more energy and more passion for living right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the other interesting part of this too, because, like for you and I, we both come from the perspective where, like we really I mean, at least for me I really loved my childhood, like it was happy, full of love. I'm really really blessed to have had such a good childhood, and I know that, like even with some of my clients like that might not have had the best childhood, it can be a little bit more painful to think back to. Okay, well, who was that version of me? Because there were some things that that little, unfortunately, that poor little kid was going through, and so my heart goes out to those people because we can speak really fondly of those memories and like really wanna get back to them. There's people who can't as much.
Speaker 2:The other thing, though, too, that I will say is that there was still a point in time that that true version of you existed, and it might have been for a shorter amount of time.
Speaker 2:You might not have been, as a you know, well-acquaintant with the things that you love, because you didn't get to do them for as long for whatever reason.
Speaker 2:But there's one particular client of mine that I'm thinking about who did experience a lot of really hard things from a really young age. But for her she still very vividly remembers who the true version of herself was, and it's been a beautiful process helping her get back in touch with that version of herself, because she's still alive in the exact same way she was before, before all the things that you know broke her down or hardened her or made her feel that she wasn't enough or whatever right. But it's so beautiful because those things are still there. Everybody still has those things. Even if it was hard, you were still beautiful through it, and so it might be a little bit harder to want to go back and recall like what were the things you loved or liked. But that doesn't mean that those beautiful, sweet, innocent, childlike things who make that are all parts of what make you who you are didn't exist. You're still there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do it for her or him or him. Yeah, if you look back at your younger self and you see somebody who didn't get the opportunity to be a kid, who didn't get the opportunity to be big, to be thoughtful, to be creative, to be expressive anything, but there's a party that wants to give that to them.
Speaker 1:I mean, that is I feel like that's a signal of something that you know when you're connected with your inner child, the things you want for them, or even, if you're a parent, the things you want for your kids, are likely a reflection of the things that you wanted as a kid for yourself so do it for them, do it for your younger self, you know, that can be really empowering as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I think something too, another, yet another perspective on this is like, even like, for me, through my self-love journey, a big part of what helped me was imagining myself as the little girl version of myself. And would I say the things that I was saying to myself? You know, at that point in time, to the little girl version of Lauren? There was so much of it that I was like hell, no, I wouldn't say that to her. That's just mean, why would I? She's, you know this, that the other like amazing, like good, sweet stuff, but for whatever reason, I started saying a completely different story to the adult version of myself. But the thing to remember is that that little girl or little boy is still alive within you and they're always gonna be there. We have the option to honor them, to treat them however we want.
Speaker 1:How they wanted to be treated really. Give them what they didn't get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if there was, you know the pain in the past. You can still honor them now and I like to add in the layer of just speaking to them as that sweet version yeah, that, because it's like I said, they're still there.
Speaker 1:I know literally this picture that I found on myself. I mean, you just saw me do it. I literally get emotional looking at it, Like she's so cute. I have this cute little like matching my bow, matched my outfit, and I have this little face on and curls. I just like, I literally love her, Like, look at her and I'm like like almost the way I feel about like a child.
Speaker 1:Like she's mine, you know Because she is a child, she is yours yeah, my child Like this. It's this very similar, unconditional love, which isn't always easy to access. When you're looking at yourself in the mirror today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I love that practice though, right Isn't that?
Speaker 1:interesting? Yes, it is, and I think that this helps with that. Learning to love one version of yourself helps you love yourself period a little bit more.
Speaker 1:Right, you know, but yeah, just reconnecting with the energy of your younger self and realizing that that is something that you've lost, but only so that you could reclaim it again with choice, right, like really choosing into it, right, it like lights, it on fire, so very empowering, yes, exactly. Suddenly it stops becoming oh, this is just how I've always been and it becomes. This is how I truly am and it's also how I choose to be. I want to be this way. I want this version of myself to come through, like I thinking about myself and just how freely I, like I, moved through the world.
Speaker 1:I was just giggly and goofy and I had lots of ideas and I wasn't afraid to talk to people and but I also like watched myself, looking at people, just really watching, you know, not trying to make sure I was safe and not trying to make sure, like that you know they weren't looking at me in a way where maybe they don't like me. I was purely just curious about other people, right, and I'm like, oh, I love her for that. And now I know that when I get stuck in my head asking myself the wrong questions, like what are they thinking of me, for example, I can for a moment, just remember her and claim her energy or claim that part of myself and say that's not how I am, that's not how I am for real, that's not the essence of me.
Speaker 2:The different question, the condition of self.
Speaker 1:Exactly Not the real self Exactly. And I don't know what the other question would be, but more like how can I have fun right now and who wants to play with me? You know, yep. Anyway, mm, that was fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good to reflect on these things for yourself, because you know what's more fun than just like a carefree kid and the fact that we all have that ability. You know, I don't, if you would have asked me about this like 10 years ago or maybe even less, I would have been like what, what do you mean? Like, how do I, what do I do with that? But digging into it more and becoming more familiar with that version of you that existed and still exists can be just such a cool way of amplifying your life and because, like we always talk about, like we don't always have to take life so seriously, Mm-hmm it's also meant to be enjoyed. I don't know how many times I've pulled that card. When I like pull like a tarot card or something Like a tarot card or just like a like an Oracle, yeah, Like an Oracle card.
Speaker 1:Sorry, not a tarot.
Speaker 2:I've pulled the joy card multiple times because I do have a tendency to try to take things too seriously, which is wild, because I'm such a not serious person Like I'm a very like you like. Take yourself too seriously. Yeah, or I just think, like I just will overthink things or something like that, to where I'm taking the joy out of it.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that's so true. I love Deborah Silverman. She's an astrology, she's the astrology queen, and she talks about how people come to her all the time wanting their charts read, saying you know what's my purpose? What am I here to do? What am I here to accomplish? What am I here to be? And she's like first of all, you're breathing, so you're doing it, and I love that. Like we take our purpose even too seriously sometimes, when one probably the most important purpose is that we are here. We wanted to be here and experience what it was to be a human being and that's enough. Sometimes it brings joy. It brings me joy to have a purpose outside of that. You know, to like build something and create, Cause we're all just and we are all creative. Human beings are so incredibly creative. It manifests differently based on our skills and the things that we enjoy and whatnot, but that creativity brings me more joy too, and that's something that I put a purpose into. But at the end of the day, you're here and that's enough, Yep.
Speaker 2:That took a lot for you to get here.
Speaker 1:So that was not an accident.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool.
Speaker 2:Yay, well, thank you for bringing that in today. I love it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go reclaim that inner child. I'm working on it. Thank you, little picture here, she's so cute.
Speaker 2:All right, I'll go pull one up with myself and do it. Have a beautiful day, everybody Bye. If you found any of what we shared today helpful, please share this with a friend, and we would so appreciate a rating and review to help us grow and reach more people. Also, please feel free to send us any feedback and questions. You can find us on Instagram. Kendra can be found at KendraDyerCrabb K-E-N-D-R-A-D-Y-E-R-C-R-A-B-B, and you can find myself at Lauren Penyadial, and it's L-A-U-R-E-N-P-E-N-A-D-I-A-L. Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day. Did you guys enjoy theün easy, spicy shхn asshole meme?