A Little Alignment
In "A Little Alignment," we pour our hearts into conscious conversations about the things we love to geek out about -- psychology, philosophy, optimal health, art, science, mysticism, spirituality, success, relationships and more.
We live for those priceless "aha" moments that have the potential to awaken creativity and curiosity, and remind you of your beauty, power, and presence.
Our intention is to help you realign with your most whole and exceptional self.
Tune in as we navigate the beautiful path to self-discovery together. 🎙️🥂
A Little Alignment
Love Languages | Expand Your Emotional Repertoire
This episode isn't just a review of the 5 love languages; it's an invitation to expand your emotional repertoire and fully embrace the myriad ways we can communicate love, fostering depth and understanding in all of our cherished relationships.
My brothers are both on this kick right now where they're just love learning languages. The first language that they learned, after English, was really difficult. They both learned Spanish and they said it was so incredibly difficult. And then they recently have picked up the hobby of learning languages. They were expressing to me how much easier it gets to learn languages in general because there's certain patterns in language and you know the cognitive flexibility of your brain, like it expands it's. You build those muscles, those mind muscles right Cool.
Speaker 1:We can us again. This is why I love that we call these love languages, because the same principles apply. We really can't open ourselves to speaking and receiving all of them. Welcome to a little alignment. If you enjoy what you hear today, if you gain some value from our episode, please leave us a good rating and review at the end. Every single review counts. It really does make a difference. We would appreciate it with all our hearts. We're so glad y'all are here with us, helping us create a little more alignment in the world. All right, friends, today we're going to talk about the love languages, which. We're kind of kicking ourselves that we didn't think about this earlier. Do it for Valentine's, but you know what it wasn't meant to be, and we don't need just one day of love.
Speaker 1:No, that's for sure To celebrate love all the time. And you know if this may be a review for you, but it's an interesting topic to sit with and consider, specifically because I think our love languages shift. In fact, I had a friend that said her theory was that your love language is what you feel like you're not getting enough of at that time.
Speaker 2:It's like that's what I want.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we'll get into all that, but before we do, let's just talk about what the love languages are, in case you are unfamiliar or you need a review. Yes, Because it is. Lauren had just said to me she was like when I learned the first time, I learned the love languages. It was life changing, mind blowing.
Speaker 3:It really was yeah. To think that like people are actually showing love in a way that their partner or friend doesn't even recognize is like so sad. Yeah, because you guys are just like completely missing each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And you could be trying to speak love into somebody in a certain way and it's just like not hitting at all, which is like aw Heartbreak. So, yeah, I mean it's a complete game changer for relationships of any sort, whether it's, you know, romantic or friendly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, and I love that they're calling it language, that we've learned to call it. Love languages. I think it's based on a book Gary Chapman, I believe, as he wrote it, but I just got this bag the other day from my goals. It was like 50% or Marshall's 50% off because it was on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1:So, sweet, but it was a heart, it was a bunch of these hearts that said I love you. In all these different languages and there were several that I knew you know that you get familiar with that phrase Bonjour. Right, bonjour is hello. Oh, and that's also hello.
Speaker 1:I mean amour, te amour and je t'aime, and whatever right. But then there was a lot that I didn't know and I'm like, okay to put that, to put what you just said into a you know, to visualize it like you're with somebody and you don't speak the same language.
Speaker 3:And they're like te amour, te amour, te amour je t'aime, je t'aime and you're like okay, I remember someone here saying hello in a bunch of different languages.
Speaker 1:You have no idea what they're saying to you. You're just like thanks or like you too.
Speaker 1:you don't know what they're saying, but you just got that big like smile on your face, like eee, it's a funny visual, but also I think that this does happen a lot in our relationships, just like you said where somebody is trying to tell us that they love us in the way that it makes sense to them in their own you know, their first language of love, or their natural language of love, whatever it is at the time, supposing that they shift and so, yeah, so it's good to remember the five love languages and how different people might be saying I love you, or trying to let you know that you mean, mean a lot to them, right? So let's review them.
Speaker 3:Physical, touch, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation and gifts, gifts, cute.
Speaker 1:What are it? Do you know what you're when you take the test? What is your ranking?
Speaker 3:So I'm pretty sure number one is acts of service. I think number two is quality time. I think three was physical touch, four was words of affirmation and five was gifts.
Speaker 1:Hmm, all right, I'm not getting you anything anymore, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:That's the way it landed. The funny thing is is like I was pretty high on like four out of the five, and then gifts was like same kind of in its own little thing. But this was also like years ago and I do kind of feel like maybe some things have shifted a little bit, but I don't know For me I think that access service is still pretty much right on at the top.
Speaker 1:Access service for me went up the busier that I got. I think that that had something to do with that Cause. My physical touch has been top of the list for me for as long as I can remember and I just think about, you know, moments when I'm stressed and someone just like puts, gives me like a loving touch, like cause it's not sexual right Physical touch from anyone Like. If I'm stressed and I'm out of my mind or just in my mind only, somebody comes up and just like starts rubbing my back or gives me a hug or like I just feel, wait, they're really trying to like, help me and that feels so loving right.
Speaker 1:And then words from you are right there near the bottom, because to me, you know this current state that I'm in, I'm like anyone can say anything I know, whereas I know that there's several people that I love that just absolutely come alive, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:When they get those words of affirmation Yep, so yeah, so this is obviously important in relationship if you're trying to communicate with somebody that you love them, to understand the way that they feel the most loved, right, like just having the awareness that people speak different languages of love, maybe at different times, like checking it about this frequently if you're in a longterm relationship, or just asking somebody like what makes you feel the most supported? Cause, sometimes, if you ask someone like what makes you feel the most loved, it's like I don't know, like what makes you feel the most supported or the most taken care of or the most seen right, the most safe, and just asking the way that you can support them, I think is a beautiful thing to offer.
Speaker 3:Right, and it's like the thing too is I think we can get into such a habit and flow with like a relationship.
Speaker 3:The things can be like you know, like you get into your patterns and norms, and it's like having a little check-in is really nice, yeah, and it's funny too, because like we have so much more of a capacity to show up for people, like I remember when I first learned about the five love languages and I learned that Rob's was words of affirmation, I was like I don't know, like it might really somebody who's always just like gassing people up, like trying to like make them feel really good, like I'll compliment people all day, but it's like I don't know. I mean, obviously he wanted it more. That's like like you were saying, there's people who light up with words of affirmation and Rob is one of them and I really, for whatever reason, questioned my ability to like show up in that way. But what's funny is that I started to notice a shift in him. When I would do it Because you love these people and you want them to feel loved you start to see, oh my God, this is working. Yeah, it fuels you.
Speaker 3:Yes, so it fuels you, and then you get better and better at it, and then it becomes like such a more effortless little, you know pattern. And it's so nice, but it's like you just really have to like expand into it. Yeah, and that really I mean it can shift the entire relationship, because now this person is hearing you, because you're speaking in their language.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, and it's interesting that you say that you didn't know if you had the capacity for it, because at the end of the day, it is just a language right and we may have our native tongue. You go on and say it.
Speaker 1:We may have a language that comes more naturally to us, that we're more well versed in. But, just like any you know language, you can learn. You can learn it and it just like learning the language it comes. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes practice and maybe even some instruction, some education, you know, yeah, and another thing that's, I think, important to mention here is that the way that we want to receive love our own love language tends to be the way that we give it, right. So that's another beautiful thing that happens.
Speaker 1:When you understand other people and the way that they receive love, you can start to see when they're trying to give you love, when they're, you know, because if I'm not a words person, it doesn't really mean that much to me, which more on that in a moment. But if words are low, low on my list and the people around me are constantly gassing me up, as you put it, I'd be like, oh, you guys are so nice, right, but I might not, I might miss that. It's a genuine sign of affection and trying to show me hey, this is an offering of love to you, because it's not something that feels quite connected to love as much for me, right. So understanding other people's love languages, then you can understand when they're trying to show you that love.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's really fun, because I do think that it comes down to effort, right, like, are you willing to try? And it's not like that difficult. I think that you first have to just like make that decision, though, because, like, how hard is it really for me to just like come up with like something sweet to say or acknowledge somebody that I love? It's not right, you just have to build it into your pattern or yeah, and you get better at it the more you do anything, the better you get at it.
Speaker 3:Right, the more organic it just comes down to prioritizing it and making sure that it's something that you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. You know, I was thinking about this today and that's why we're talking about this, because I was driving home from wherever I was and I don't know why this popped into my head. But I was thinking about the love languages and I was like has mine shifted? Because I really mine has shifted a few times throughout my life have yours.
Speaker 3:Do you think Mine have been pretty consistent? Mine haven't shifted a whole lot Interesting Mine shifted a lot, really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the physical touch has always been top of the list, but gifts used to be at the bottom, and now it's worked its way up. Like I said, acts of service has worked its way up. The more busy I've gotten because it just yeah.
Speaker 1:Means so much to me, I appreciate it so much when someone takes something off my plate and everyone's busy, right, so I'm like, oh my gosh, anyway. So, yeah, thinking about how they've shifted, and I'm like, okay, what is my love language right now? I wonder if it's shifted again and I just let myself, I want all of it. Why am I cutting myself off at the feet, like, why am I selling myself short, saying like, let me just prioritize a few languages of love instead of you know what I mean Opening up to, like, calling in the want, the desire for all of it, like what I actually want all of it. And it's not being greedy, I don't think I was just saying to Lauren.
Speaker 1:We are, at the end of the day, at our core, we are love. That is the essence of who we are, and so we can, our essence, our spirit can speak, speaks fluently all of the languages. Right Now, starting where you are is important, right? If you're just my brothers, my brothers are both on this kick right now, where they're just love learning languages. It's so cool and yeah, and they both started. I mean, obviously they started with English. They learned how to speak well in their native tongue.
Speaker 3:I don't know, that's so weird, I didn't get it.
Speaker 1:But then they were like I'm ready to branch out, right. And the first language that they learned after English was really difficult. They both served missions for our church and both learned Spanish and they said it was so incredibly difficult to do and they were like whatever. And then they recently have picked up the hobby of learning languages and they were expressing to me how much easier it gets to learn languages in general because there's certain patterns in language and the cognitive flexibility of your brain.
Speaker 1:Like it expands, you build those muscles, those mind muscles right. It's so cool and we can again. This is what I love that we call these love languages, because I think that the same principles apply and that we really can't open ourselves to speaking and receiving all of them no-transcript. Anyway, I want to hear your thoughts on that before I say anything else.
Speaker 3:I feel like we can. I think people can. For sure, I feel like people naturally recognize love, though differently.
Speaker 3:Like for instance, I get really excited to give Rob gifts, even though it's weird, because gifts is kind of like on the bottom of my list at least it was last time I checked but I love to give gifts and I get all excited. I'm the person who literally has a hard time keeping the gift once it's been purchased. Let's say, your birthday is at the end of the month. I want to give you a gift now, Today, and so I'm always so pumped to give him a gift. And then he gets it and he's like cool, thank you so much. And then it's like moves right along and it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 3:And so I think that just for him, naturally it's not heard or recognized the same way. But when I words of affirmation, though if I say something nice, I can totally see him lighting up, and so I think it's just like people will naturally gravitate towards one or the other and be able to hear and recognize certain love languages. But I also think, yeah, could Rob probably work to really love and appreciate receiving gifts more? Yes, but I just feel like people have like a natural pull towards recognizing love in a certain way, and I don't know if it's based on like experience. Maybe.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like some kind of perception and like the perception of, like what a gift means versus what physical touch means, versus what words of affirmation mean, or if, also, like, another factor could just be like what you're experiencing in life right now. Like you're saying, yours can shift. So, yeah, I think it's interesting for everybody, like it could be a little bit of a different combination of things that lead you down a path to speaking or acknowledging a certain language more than others. But I do think it's possible to try, or to learn you know a new language, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So as far as interacting with other people, I totally am with you. I think we need to meet people where they're at and really make an effort. My point in saying this isn't necessarily to challenge other people to speak your language, Like oh, I really love giving gifts, so you're gonna have to just learn how to accept my love in that way.
Speaker 1:But more so for, like, I'm thinking for myself you know, I have, like I could have, people in my life gifting me moments of you know or experiences of love that I just haven't learned how to receive. And, to your point, if there is a resistance to that or like a lack of ability to receive love in that arena, it's just I wanna ask why.
Speaker 3:Why is it? Yeah, cutting off a potential.
Speaker 1:Exactly because I do. I did have a strain with gifts for a while and I figured that out and actually without even really realizing it until we're having this conversation, I love gifts so much more and I receive them so much more openheartedly and see them as an extension of love, like I'm giving you something because I love you. Where I had a conditioning with gifts in the past, where they were used to like subdue, right, take almost gaslight, that's a little bit of maybe not as an apology, right, sort of, without actually acknowledging that something's wrong, like here I'm just gonna give you stuff and we're just gonna.
Speaker 1:that's gonna make it go away A little bribe.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, oh, you call it gifts, I call it a bribe, I call it a bribe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just it didn't feel very heartfelt, and so I had a conditioned belief or experience when it came to receiving gifts. And I recognize that when it came to receiving, in general, money and gifts, I would really kind of have a hard time with it. And this is when I was trying to open myself up to more abundance, and this is part of that, like I wanna also experience abundance of love. And, yeah, and now I mean truly now that I've worked on that, I am able to really get excited and not just be like oh, this is awkward, someone gave me something. How do I get it? Cause, like, oh, like it was such a whole thing for me, and now I'm just like, oh, my God, you love me. This is amazing, you know, and I think that that's just. I mean asking myself if words don't mean that much to me, which is currently where I'm sitting today.
Speaker 1:Words don't mean that much to me. Anyone can say anything that comes from something, right there's a reason that I feel that way? So then, when people are actively trying to tell me things they love about me, I'm like oh, I hear you loving me, but am I really fully receiving it if there's still this like little quiet belief, little silent belief in there? That's like anyone can say anything, though, kendra.
Speaker 3:You know, yeah, it's kind of like you're identifying. There's a little like a little negative Nancy popping in and like kind of dousing your little love flame Like a little karate person. It's like yeah, like blocking it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, because I don't acknowledge it as love. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that's what the person who is saying those things is intending to do. Yeah, that is, that's a really interesting way of looking at it is like are you closing yourself off from somebody who's trying to connect by not really like trying to expand into receiving love in a new way?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's. I think it's fun, it's a fun idea to like see it from that perspective, because then it, I think for me anyway, opens me up to the potential to really appreciate and hold more gratitude for the languages that maybe aren't so high on my list, but also like it's fun to experience being the giver of or speaking in someone else's language, because then you can start to appreciate it too. Yeah, so like, even though gifts landed at the bottom for me, if I, you know, hey, kendra loves gifts now and I'm gonna give her a gift and I see how much joy it brings her, I mean that's gonna bring me joy too, so then I could see where that would also potentially like shift, where one could land, yeah, heal a little bit of that disconnect that you have from gifts.
Speaker 1:Right yeah, cute, so cute yeah.
Speaker 1:Everybody's just trying to love just speaking different languages and if you're open to, you know, trying out a new one, I think you're just opening yourself up to receiving more love, exactly, exactly, and that is something that, specifically, I think is so exciting and enticing about learning the different languages yourself or asking yourself why is this so low on my list? Why aren't they all like a top, you know? Why aren't they all something that I, you know, want or enjoy or receive Right? Is because there's some part of you that is blocking you from receiving more Right, like we talked about this, and this is like abundance language, right. And we're talking about receiving from other people, and a lot of the time, this is spoken about with more materialistic things or whatever, right Receiving money, receiving gifts, receiving attention, receiving business.
Speaker 1:You know, are you blocking yourself from receiving? But I mean who wants? I mean there's. I'm thinking about how it feels sometimes to receive any kind of love, you know, and how it can feel sometimes icky or like do I deserve this? Or awkward, right, and that again is just an opportunity to say why. Why is it hard for me to receive in this way? Or maybe it's hard for you to receive in general. Maybe it's hard for you to hear any of these love languages because you don't feel open to receiving, and the question that I wanna ask myself when I come up against that is why.
Speaker 1:Why won't I let myself receive this love or open myself up to this language of love?
Speaker 3:Yeah, or just like open another path of connection, because that's the other thing and that's why I like even that this is all presented as love languages, specifically Cause even when you think about it's funny like what comes to mind for me is like you know how when you travel, like, let's say, in Europe, and you don't even attempt to speak their language, they're not gonna be as nice to you as they would have been if you would have tried to at least greet them, like I was earlier today. Bonjour, like try to say hello in every language instead of love in every language. But you know, if you don't at least try, that there's a completely different version of them that emerges from that. And if you think about it like it's not that they just want you to adhere to their culture and do things their way, but when you're not speaking in their language, it's almost like you're not willing to take the extra little effort to connect.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right, and so it's like the same thing with love.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You want to speak in that language to connect? Yeah, and that's what love does for us, and so I just think that's a really cute little way of looking at it, too is like this is just another way to connect.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it's like I mean I know we've said it like a few times already, but it's like a muscle the more you practice it, the more you strengthen it, the easier it gets. I mean, for me personally, I love love and I feel like that's like what I was put on this planet to do was to just share love, and if you're not checking in and asking that question, that would be just like missing the target completely. You know for the purpose of why I feel like I'm here anyway. So I think it's a great question to just ask yourself, or ask the people that you care about and how can I speak more of your language so that I can make sure you're feeling it Super?
Speaker 2:cute, okay, anything else, that is all for me, love you Bye, and if you found any of what we shared today helpful, please share this with a friend, and we would so appreciate a rating and review to help us grow and reach more people. Also, please feel free to send us any feedback and questions. You can find us on Instagram. Kendra can be found at Kendra Dyer Crab, k-e-n-d-r-a-d-y-e-r-c-r-a-b-b, and you can find myself at Lauren Penyadial, and it's L-A-U-R-E-N-P-E-N-A-D-I-A-L. Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.