A Little Alignment
In "A Little Alignment," we pour our hearts into conscious conversations about the things we love to geek out about -- psychology, philosophy, optimal health, art, science, mysticism, spirituality, success, relationships and more.
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A Little Alignment
The Unexpected Freedom of Surrender
Ever felt like you're spinning your wheels, pushing against life instead of flowing with it? We've all been there, and in this heartfelt discussion we unpack the paradoxical power of surrender. It's not an admission of defeat but rather a courageous embrace of life's unpredictable tides.
The experience of surrender has been one that I've been able to almost come home to, and I was truly declaring I'm giving up what I think I can do because I realized it's not working. I lay me down to God, to the powers that be, to whoever is in charge of this shit show. That's how it felt right, but immediately when I say cathartic, I mean it. It was like a release of this burden that I was lugging along with me when I could have let go of it a long time ago. Isn't that the funny?
Speaker 2:part. You could have let go of it at any point in time. The visual I get is like a little hamster running on a hamster wheel, and that is where so many of us are, because we have this belief or this idea that things are supposed to be a certain way, or we're just, you know, not accepting what is. We have resistance for one reason or another. So we're just running ourselves like crazy to try to make or for something to happen.
Speaker 1:Welcome to a little alignment. If you enjoy what you hear today, if you gain some value from our episode, please leave us a good rating and review at the end. Every single review counts. It really does make a difference. We would appreciate it with all our hearts. We're so glad y'all are here with us, helping us create a little more alignment in the world. Hello everybody, we are here today to talk about something that tends to come with a negative connotation, or what I my opinion went from what I've observed and Lauren and I were talking about this. She agrees a bit of a misunderstanding about a certain word and concept, and that is the concept of surrender. Yes, and it's like it's a. Really it's a buzzword in the spiritual community, for sure, and I think that, um, the way that I've seen people lean into that, uh, I was going to say the word, but it's the like the concept yeah.
Speaker 1:The way that I've seen people lean into that is almost sometimes and myself included almost sometimes as a well, what's you know? I have no control, so I guess I'll just give up Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:More disempowered than anything else, Like, yeah, I have no control anyway, or if I'm supposed to surrender, then I'll just kind of sit around and let things happen the way that they're going to happen, or an amount oh, bear, he's feeling it. Bear needs to surrender. Those barks. And uh, specifically when people, when when there's talk around like manifesting your desires, it's like you just declare it to the universe and then you surrender and then it will just show up on your doorstep one day. I mean I've seen people take this approach again, myself included, and the more I consciously work to create my own life and to become aware of my own inner world as well simultaneously, the more I've come to realize that that's not really what it means to surrender, Because surrendering is actually incredibly empowering.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it takes a lot of strength and bravery and trust. That is so wildly different than just giving up. That's why I think I love what you said to begin. It's like people really do, I think, and myself included, have historically seen surrender as like just put it, throwing your arms up in the air, like what you had said earlier, like during the, like battle scenes or something they're like we surrender, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:And so it's like they're giving up and you see that as like, oh you know, they're just kind of like taking the loss yeah, they lose because they surrendered so then, who's going to see like surrender as this empowering thing?
Speaker 2:yeah, but in reality, or at least in in the context that we're talking about, surrender and the potential it can have is actually very empowering, because it is you allowing something, it's you accepting, yeah, which is not easy. And that's where I say, like, the bravery has to come in, the trust has to come in, and so the person who can do this is actually very powerful, totally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because really what surrender is when you get down to it is, it's just being able to accept what is.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And to trust yourself in the process. We say trust the process a lot, but perhaps the issue isn't that we don't trust the process, it's that we don't trust ourselves within the process.
Speaker 1:Sometimes maybe it's both, I don't know, but it is. Yeah, it's interesting to really think about all of the ways in which we're called to surrender when we're doing anything. And you specifically, lauren, right now, are forced into a state of surrender. And I guess forced isn't totally fair because you could be fighting it to some extent but, um, you know, growing a human inside your body and everything that comes with that. I mean, talk to us about the experience that you've had with surrendering in this process. Yeah, yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think it helps to have real examples of what we mean by surrender to really wrap your head around the whole thing. And I've had surrender experiences in life, but I can easily tell you they've been nothing compared to the experience of surrender during pregnancy.
Speaker 1:Gosh.
Speaker 2:If you've been pregnant before, you know what I mean. If not, I'll try to give you a little description. But I mean your body is changing and your hormones are changing and your entire life is changing and I think change in itself is also something whether you're pregnant or not is going to call for tons of surrender thing. Whether you're pregnant or not is going to call for tons of surrender, and the pregnancy just happens to be a very big change in so many ways. And so one of the things that is just so front of mind for me daily is like my physical limitations. That just seem to kind of be like stacking up, like I'm a pretty active person, work out consistently, I like to fill my days with activity and like work and fun and all the things.
Speaker 2:But as we've gotten further and further, we me and the baby, I guess, have gotten further and further into this pregnancy. It's like those things change, and they change fast, to be honest, because what I can do, like today, even like physically, is really different than what I could do a week ago, which is wildly different than what I could do four months ago, six months ago.
Speaker 1:So you're constantly, like every regularly, having to give up what you expected or what you're used to to allow what is right or like what it needs to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or to like accept that what's happening is okay.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Cause that's part of it too is like I've always wanted to get movement in, cause that makes me feel better. Yeah, the amount of movement and the type of movement I can do is very different now than it was before, and so I mean I have not been navigating this with like all the grace in the world.
Speaker 1:I mean you have, considering the fact this is your very first experience with this, I think you've done beautifully. Thank you, You're welcome. I mean that.
Speaker 2:Thanks, I'm. You know, I'm pretty proud of myself, but I mean it's also been super challenging. Pretty proud of myself, but I mean it's also been super challenging and, um, you know, there's days where I've been really hard on myself, because I am not living up to what movement has meant before.
Speaker 2:So there's a lot of me that has to accept that just because it's not what it was before doesn't mean it's bad. It can still be really good. It's just different, and I think that's kind of like the core of surrender is that you are trusting and allowing this process in a way that's going to help you move forward, because I could be resisting it right, and I could be fighting it and trying to control it, but would that ultimately be supportive of my body, of my baby, of my mental health, of my body, even physically, like? Probably not. There's a lot of ways I could have probably really hurt myself and I could be also just like ripping myself to shreds mentally, and so the process of surrender has empowered me to allow these changes so that I can maintain, you know, a healthier lifestyle. You know physical, you know um, physical movement also just healthier thoughts, all of it just be happier throughout the whole process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hmm, you said something earlier about change and how anytime there's change, you have to surrender to that, and you're right. I mean, change is one of those things that's always scary because you don't know.
Speaker 1:Right that unknown is the worst, yeah, and so you have.
Speaker 1:But I mean, that's what you have to surrender to in that experience of change is I don't know what comes next and I I'm choosing to be okay with it and to still allow this to be what it is, allow change and trust, even though I don't know what's coming next. Right, yeah, and that does. I mean it affects the way that you're seeing this through. Your pregnancy is. It's helping you to have a healthier body and healthier mind and healthier emotions and still maintain a lovely connection with your friends and family and your husband and your clients and run your business and all of that Right.
Speaker 1:And the same could be said about anybody who allows themselves to really just embrace what is, instead of trying to like, manhandle it, strong, arm it, like if I, if I just push hard enough, then I can change the situation. And you know what I actually think that that's probably true for most things. But when you choose to trust that everything is as it should be, simply because it is, and if it is the way that it is, then that's how it should be, if you will then you open yourself up to things working out even better than you could have planned, rather than strong arming your plans to get exactly what you think you want, which we've talked about before.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:When you open yourself up to the unknown and say maybe I don't know how this could work out the best and I'm going to just plant my feet right where I am, look around and see what needs my attention right now. Is it rest, Is it work? Is it this person, Is it this element of my life, Whatever it is, and just really dig in right, Because then you reclaim some of that energy that you've been putting toward trying to you know plan something different.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly, change something, yeah, yeah, control, I mean, I think it just comes down to like surrender versus control, like and control is such like a false idea anyway in so many scenarios where it's like we have this false sense of control that we can make other people or other things happen a certain way, but really the only thing we can totally control is ourselves and how we're navigating a situation. And so in the the moment, right In the moment, not in the future, or you know, you definitely can't change anything about the past. So if you can surrender, aka accept, um, what is then? You're like, like you're describing, you're opening yourself up to possibility instead of trying to force something that you probably can't force anyway yeah, you know it's.
Speaker 1:I wrote a song, uh years ago called surrender, and you know, it was inspired by. It was really a song for me at the time about unrequited love. I was in a tumultuous relationship that wasn't always tumultuous, but it often was and I really wanted it. I thought I really wanted this relationship and so I betrayed myself over and over again to try to keep it going. And it got to the point where I I did. I kind of threw up my hands and felt I felt defeated.
Speaker 1:When I wrote this song, threw up my hands and felt, I felt defeated when I wrote this song and one of the lines is all my weapons of war, they can't do and they can't undo. I realize that now, and so I surrender and I lay me down and it was really cathartic, it was really healing to write that song and it's so wild Just for all you songwriters or creatives out there, because I wrote this song in one state of mind for one purpose, but it has come back to be a friend to me over and over again and mean completely different things, even for me, you know, and especially as I've, you know, really dove into this work of whatever you want to call this, personal development, spirituality, consciousness, yeah, growth, the concept, the experience of surrender has been one that I've been able to almost come home to. You know this and that's the thing that I wanted to really share here is that when I wrote that song and I was truly declaring I'm giving up what I think I can do because I realize it's not working, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I lay me, I lay me down to God, to the powers that be, to whoever is in charge of this shit show. Right Like I'm, I'm done Right, but immediately when I say cathartic, I mean it. It was like a release of this burden that I was just like lugging along with me when I could have let go of it a long time ago, isn't?
Speaker 2:that the funny part. You could have let go of it at any point in time. Yeah, like, the visual I get is like running like a little hamster running on a hamster wheel, you know, and that is where so many of us are, because we have this belief or this idea that things are supposed to be a certain way, or we're just, you know, not accepting what is we have, we have resistance for one reason or another, and so surrender is the opposite of what we're doing. So we're just running ourselves like crazy to try to make or force something to happen, and that's really powered by like what fear? Um, you know, like a lack of trust for yourself or or what others around you are possible or capable of, you know, or what's possible. And if you can trust that's why I say it's so brave, but trust in yourself and everything else is going to that, everything else is going to work Then it's like oh, this is so much easier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you're dealing in reality. There is definitely trust involved, but at the same time, it's really logical to surrender. Yeah, it's very clear. What is? You can see it. You can right like in a relationship where they're not working for you and you're working for them, and that's reality, right, and you can see that you might not want to see it. Yeah, surrendering is being like I'm planting my feet in reality and what I see is that I'm not being treated well.
Speaker 2:That is such a good point, because I feel like where people really get tripped up is that they're too um lost in their head about what could be or what they wanted, instead Like how often have you heard like?
Speaker 2:we all have the friend who is like holding on to some relationship or a situation or job right, that they are not happy with because in their head it's built up to something else. Or I want it to be this, or, but I think I can change this person. Or I just wanna to be this, or, but I think I can change this person. Or, you know, I just want to, like, stay in this job until I get my you know whatever. Or I get this new position, but you know that it's like, at the end of the day, what is is not what is in their head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right and so they're not surrendering to the reality of what is in front of them yeah, surrendering is really.
Speaker 1:It's telling yourself the absolute truth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just that real, real, that real real yeah, about in whatever situation that you're in, and that doesn't necessarily I don't think that necessarily means that you get a clear answer at that point. But it's like, okay, if this is where I'm at now, I can see more clearly maybe where I want to go or how. This is not what you know where I want to be. Or maybe I see more clearly that this is a wonderful place to be and I'm in my head imagining something that's not even real. You know, I'm out of reality, I'm out of touch with you know, thinking that once I get to this place, or once I'm this person, or once I'm with someone, then I will be blank, right, right, instead of like maybe all of that's available now.
Speaker 1:And if I give up that control, that I know that this will give me what I want, and I surrender to the reality of what is maybe everything you want. Is already there in that moment, waiting for you to just wake up yeah.
Speaker 2:That's so true maybe everything you want is already there in that moment, waiting for you to just wake up. Yeah, that's so true, cause so often we think we need something else outside of us to be happy or to feel complete. Um, but if we come back to that honest moment of what is and accept that, that's surrender, yeah, and so I don't think that that's giving up what you want, because obviously, like, we are not the ones to tell anybody no, give up on what you want, never. But it's like have a moment of honesty with yourself about where you are and what potentially does need to go, whether it's a false sense of control or an idea of something needing to be a certain way or people to do certain things for you. Like letting all of that go and accepting what is. That way, like you just said, you have a more clear picture of how to navigate, and that is going to be through trusting and allowing for what is to actually be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and you get to use the tools that you have to be creative, right To be more actively engaged in the things that you want right now.
Speaker 1:You know, I mean it's weird to think about coming into conversation when we're talking about surrender, like you get to do. But I mean, like I said, when you wake up to the moment and you wake up to reality, then you recognize, okay, I've been kind of sitting here blaming whatever the universe, the time, the relationship for not having what I want right now and and when I can wake up to reality and look around and say, okay, I actually have the tools right now to start whatever you know, to just be be actively engaged in your own life, in your own story, in your own success story, even and I think that that's something powerful to really sit with um. Something powerful to really sit with um. One way that, something that's coming to mind, is I, when I was, you know, at church one time when I was younger. I one phrase that comes up a lot and you'll have to tell me if this is like basic christian phrase- but, it's waiting upon the lord.
Speaker 1:Have you heard that phrase? Not a lot. It's kind of the same concept of, uh, just surrendering to God, to the Lord, to Jesus, waiting upon the Lord to deliver the blessings that you'll get if you're righteous, if you do what you need to do, right.
Speaker 1:So a lot of people are stepping away from religion and going to spirituality, but they're just. They're taking the same concepts and just putting them in different language and still misunderstanding what they mean Right. And I remember being at a restaurant one time. My friend was working, she was a waitress and she was doing a fabulous job and waiting on us and I thought to myself waiting on a table, interesting, different, different, you know way to use that terminology of waiting.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I applied that at the time to my you know understanding to use that terminology of waiting, and I applied that at the time to my you know understanding of waiting on the Lord and what that looked like, and can apply it now here to waiting on your whatever, waiting on your manifestations, waiting on whatever it is, the things that you're trying to create in your life. It's not a passive word, it's very much an active word. You're actively engaged with that dream and that vision.
Speaker 1:But, like here today, you know what I mean you're not waiting, just sitting around so someone else can do it for you. You're like great. I believe deeply that this is a possibility for me and because of that I I'm going to roll my sleeves up and start getting to it, because I got to get ready, I got to prepare right. That's. That's a element of surrender as well.
Speaker 1:As you know, you know for sure you're going to have this baby and so you're surrendering to that, Hasn't been just I'm just gonna let everything happen and get ready for my bit? You've been actively shifting your life to prepare for this baby to arrive, and I think we can all take that example into our own situation and be 100% honest.
Speaker 1:If I truly believe that this is going to happen for me, that I can have the things that I want, then how can I start to prepare for them and prepare myself to be ready for them for when they arrive?
Speaker 2:And that can only happen once you've like accepted things, which is like I know I've said it already a few times, but I think that's part of surrender is just like accepting, you know, because I mean full transparency. When I first found out I was pregnant, I wasn't like you know cause I mean full transparency when I first found out I was pregnant, I wasn't like I wasn't like super freaking thrilled, I was in shock, and so there was that. That was probably the first element of surrender Like, okay, this is happening, my entire life is going to change and you know, we we have always wanted to have kids and we knew we wanted to have a baby soon too. But I mean, it's just, it's always a little shocking when it actually happens. So it actually happened, and it happened really fast. And that was the first surrender Like okay, I'm going to surrender to the fact that this is happening now and what I thought I was going to be doing with my time for the next, you know, two, three, six months a year is going to look very different.
Speaker 2:So the first element of that whole surrender process was accepting what was so that I could, like you said, move into the next phase, which is preparing, you know, but there's um I it's so funny because, like a lot of people, like when in the spiritual world will also say like surrender, and then surrender again and surrender harder. You know, because it's like this will happen, though, where you think, okay, I'm, I'm allowing, I understand, I see what I'm doing here, I need to get out of my own way. But then sometimes there's another level to it and you, there's still more resistance, or there's still more ideas of how something should be or how I should be, or what needs to happen. And it's like you, you can continue to surrender over and over and over again, and there still needs to be another level, to go deeper into surrendering and allowing what is. So I really feel like it is a process, and if you surrender once, it doesn't mean you're done Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know. In fact, I think the first element of what you just described was resistance. Yeah, resistance is not the enemy. It can become a green flag sort of for you. I mean, you can maybe not always a green flag, but like something that you're not afraid of, at the very least, because when resistance pops up, what you know is that there's something that's gonna push you right, there's something that's gonna challenge you, and I mean we use this terminology in gym lingo you wanna increase resistance to increase strength right.
Speaker 1:And the same thing applies for the mind and the heart and soul. If you want to increase, to expand, then resistance is essential. It's a part of that process, right? So when the resistance pops up, I don't think that it's enlightened to say, oh, I just don't experience resistance anymore. I don't think that's what it means to be enlightened. I think it means you recognize the resistance as a little guide, you know like ooh what is this showing me?
Speaker 1:What is it? Is this like inviting me into? Is this, you know, proving that this is an opportunity for me to strengthen, to grow, to expand again, whatever word you want to place there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it totally does show you more about yourself and even in the, in the experience of becoming pregnant, it showed me where I am not totally free, because I've always considered myself to be a very go with the flow type of person. What's meant to be will be oh, like, it'll be cool. Um, I've never I've never really identified as somebody who was like, oh no, I have a very specific plan and it needs to go this way or else everything is just, you know, screwed now, like I've always been, like no, I'm, I'm, I'm totally here for it. Right.
Speaker 2:But when I got pregnant I was terrified. It was not necessarily the plan, um, was kind of the plan, but not fully. Like, I didn't know we were going to get pregnant so quick and it was a huge eye opener for me to see that about myself. Like whoa, I actually was pretty tied to a different idea, more strongly than I would have even imagined. But it did show me about myself and there was another level of surrender that was possible for me to lean into trusting, when something totally takes you by surprise and catches you off guard, that it can still be amazing and beautiful and even if you're terrified's like that's okay, just surrender to it and trust it. And that not always easy, but it's totally possible and that's why I say you have to be brave to surrender and it can be really empowering on the other side and when you're in it it feels like ermigard, like what is happening?
Speaker 2:um, but that's, it's just part of the whole growth process, and so you get to learn about yourself, you get to surrender and you can surrender again and again.
Speaker 1:Yeah yep, totally, and I just want to put one one little thing here that's actually humongous. We've been talking a lot about like processes and and getting to places and creating surrender in those terms, but I, in my experience, the most difficult surrender is surrendering who you think you are to become, who you are meant to be, yes, and who you truly are.
Speaker 2:I guess, is a better way to say that.
Speaker 1:And I'll tell you what. To circle back to what you said at the beginning of this about how it actually is a huge act of bravery and courage it is it's simple, but it's freaking difficult. It it is. It's simple, but it's freaking difficult. The more attached you are to something, the more difficult it is to let go of it, right? Yeah, and I'll tell you, one thing that's really easy to get attached to is the beliefs you have about yourself yeah, it's an identity that's a whole.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's a whole other episode, I know right, yeah, like sprinkle this in at the end, even though it's huge yeah but yeah, I mean that's.
Speaker 1:That's how the song that I wrote has started to show up for me. Specifically, the beginning of the song says um, call in the troops and bring your tricks to cure me of a love like this, which obviously was about actual, like romantic love yeah but I'm like the love that we have for what we thought, you know, for what we're attached to, the love that we have for what we thought, you know for what we're attached to the love that we had for the ideas, the grand ideas that we have about ourselves and some of the ones that aren't grand in a good way, but the love being like, that devotion, and it's odd to think about.
Speaker 1:But but a lot of us are deeply devoted to parts of ourselves that we don't like oh, it's so true but we like. But that's just who I am, that's just who I've always been, just because we've chosen to own it or to identify with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway, we could go off on that one for a while, so why don't we just leave this one here?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll leave that right there for now and we might come back and visit identity and surrendering parts of your identity that maybe need to die off to step into the next version of yourself.
Speaker 1:That sounds fun, because that's the thing it is. I just yeah, I wish we were on video for that last I just got excited because that's a legitimate whole other topic but yeah
Speaker 2:we'll get to that another day. Gorgeous, all right, love you. Bye, bye. If you found any of what we shared today helpful, please share this with a friend, and we would so appreciate a rating and review to help us grow and reach more people also, please feel free to send us any feedback and questions. You can find us on instagram. Kendra can be found at Kendra Dyer Crabb K-E-N-D-R-A-D-Y-E-R-C-R-A-B-B, and you can find myself at Lauren Pena Dial, and it's L-A-U-R-E-N-P-E-N-A-D-I-A-L. Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.