Never Diet Again with Max Lowery

#91 Elissa's Story: "I Normalised Hating My Body Until I Realised How Much It Was Costing Me"

• Max Lowery

Share episode

Most women don’t wake up one day and decide they hate their body

It happens slowly. Quietly. Gradually.

In this episode, I sit down with Elissa, a 37-year-old pilot and breathwork coach, to talk about the moment she realised that body positivity wasn’t actually helping her move forward.

She shares how years of dieting, weight regain, and trying to “just accept herself” led to something far more damaging than weight gain — normalising unhappiness, shrinking confidence, and quietly disconnecting from who she really was.

This isn’t a dramatic before-and-after story.
 It’s a recognition story.

We talk about:

  • How women normalise feeling uncomfortable in their own bodies
  • Why body positivity can feel supportive but still leave you stuck
  • The quiet ways weight struggles chip away at confidence and identity
  • Why knowing what to do isn’t the same as being able to do it
  • The moment Elissa realised this wasn’t something that would “fix itself”

If you’ve ever told yourself:

“Nothing is really wrong, but something doesn’t feel right,”
 This conversation will resonate deeply.

Watch my The Cravings & Fat-Burning Masterclass:  https://www.neverdietagainmethod.uk/register-podcast

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/max.lowery/

Book a Food Freedom Breakthrough Call: https://www.neverdietagainmethod.uk/call-ig

January Competition: Win the Never Diet Again system

How to enter (Apple Podcasts only):

  1. Click here
  2. Scroll down to Ratings & Reviews.
  3. Tap Write a Review.
  4. Leave your written review.
  5. Take a screenshot of your review.
  6. Email the screenshot to hello@neverdietagain.uk
SPEAKER_00:

Most women don't realize how unhappy they are. Not because things are good, but because they've learned to normalize the discomfort. They wake up hating what they see in the mirror. They avoid certain clothes. They feel self-conscious in social situations. And slowly and quietly, this just becomes how it is. Then they're told something that sounds freeing. Stop trying to change your body. Learn to love it instead. And for a while, that feels like a relief. But what if the relief is just avoidance? What if acceptance is actually keeping you stuck? What if the voice telling you to stop trying isn't self-love at all? That's what today's episode is about. In this conversation, you'll hear from Elisa, one of our inspiring clients. She's smart, successful, and very self-aware. And yet, she was quietly miserable until one conversation forced her to confront something uncomfortable. Not about food, not about calories, but about what she'd normalized. We talk about the moment she realized body positivity wasn't helping her, why dieting didn't work either, and how she lost nine kilos without dieting, restriction, or extreme exercise. So if you're looking to understand how you can have it all, how you can enjoy food, love life, and be in the best shape of your life without restriction, deprivation, or dieting, listen to this episode. How do you create a life that allows you to lose weight, eat the foods that you love, and sustain the results? Over the last 10 years, I've helped thousands of people do exactly that. I'm Max Lowry. I'm an author, personal trainer, and weight loss coach. In this podcast, I'm going to share my top tips and tricks from within my one-on-one coaching program. It's my goal to give you the tools and understanding so that you never diet again. Hello Elisa, thank you very much for joining. So could you just give a bit of background about who you are, how old you are, and what do you do?

SPEAKER_02:

I am 37. I live in on the south coast of the UK in Bournemouth. And I am a part-time special mission pilot. So I do lots of flying Monday to Friday, which is great. Uh, but I'm also a breathwork coach as well. So I do that when I'm uh on my time off and I'm not flying. I help people stay calm under pressure with breathing. And that is the the jobs, I guess.

SPEAKER_00:

Interesting. So yeah, you've been working with us in the Liv360 program for was it like six months now?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, June I started.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So could you take us back to what life was like for you before you started?

SPEAKER_02:

It's funny because I before this call, I've been reflecting back on that first call that we had uh before I joined the program. And uh I feel like I'm a completely different version of myself, so it's been very strange to think back to how I felt back then, because now I can see how utterly miserable I was, and how much I'd normalized how I felt about my body and my weight and how my behaviours had changed because of the lack of confidence I had, because of the what's the world, the self- uh the word, the self-consciousness I had around my body. And I came across you by complete random circumstance, I think. It wasn't something I was really looking for. I was in this battle of wanting to lose weight because I was really unhappy. I hate I hated my body. I think I could go as far as to say that. So wanting to kind of go with this body positivity movement, thinking that would be the answer because I've dieted before and I've lost weight before, but I've put that weight back on and more. So also being stuck thinking, oh, I know that in my head, diet, I guess dieting in a way worked because I lost weight. So thinking, okay, I I need to calorie count, I need to restrict, I need to move more, but also maybe I should just learn to love my body, or maybe I'm just gonna get to a place where I accept that this is what my life is gonna be like, that I'm just gonna wake up and I'm gonna hate my body and I'm gonna slowly get more frustrated with clothes that don't fit, and actually like become sort of a shell of who I was in a way, because I I remember myself being a very confident person, but I definitely think with the weight gain I've had over the last few years, up until the point I started the programme, that yeah, that had kind of been chipped away out, which I didn't realise. And I think that's the sort of scary thing about it is like you get to this place that you just sort of feel so lost and everything feels a bit hopeless, but you just think, well, that's just the way it is. Like I'm just gonna have to, yeah, it's just for me, it was just maybe one day I'll wake up and I won't care anymore, and I'll be okay with with this, but kind of also secretly knowing that actually it it was something that wasn't gonna fix itself.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks very much for sharing, Elisa. There's a lot there, and I think a lot of listeners will probably resonate with what you described, and because I would say one of the biggest issues, one of the biggest blockers of women taking big action and doing something different, like working with us, is the fact things have become normalized. And in some ways, it's a it's a good coping strategy that we can, as human beings, we can desensitize to uh to negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions and situations. Because obviously, if you were super connected every single day about how bad it really was, then life would be pretty terrible. However, Tony Robbins says change only happens when the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of change. And if you normalize the situation, then you're not connected with the pain of now. What was it that made you realize how bad it was?

SPEAKER_02:

My conversation with you that was a a really painful conversation to have, and I remember feeling quite uncomfortable and frustrated. I think because I I didn't want to accept that what you were saying was true because I think I I hoped that it would be something that I could figure out on my own, or that maybe I just hadn't quite found the that missing ingredient towards body positivity. But it was very much talking to you, being honest about how I really felt and saying those things out loud that I'd internalized, and having someone come back to me and say, like, that isn't normal. These are things that you can change, and there is a way forward, but what you're doing isn't working, and what you're thinking about doing isn't working. So, yeah, very much I think having you echo back to me, internalized everything, uh, and normalized it. That was the real sort of moment where I went, okay, I actually need to do something about this, uh, because it's actually pretty bad without me realising.

SPEAKER_00:

Had you ever had a conversation like that with anyone else?

SPEAKER_02:

No. I've had conversations with friends, I think in quite a sort of gentle way uh and with my boyfriend about how I felt, but they've been kind, supportive, very much. I think there are a lot of people struggle, I think, to be honest around bodies and weight, I think, for fear of driving people into restriction or you know, in the other direction. So they try to be supportive, but ultimately don't want to tell you what they what they think you should do or or be sort of brutally honest with you. I think that's why it was so good to speak to someone completely outside of that who could actually be brutally honest with me, because that's the wake-up call I think you need to go into something like this and to be like prepared for the fact that it isn't easy, but it does work. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, and ultimately that is the power of having a coach, right? It's and a coach who really actually knows what they're doing. Because there are lots of coaches who just gonna be like, How much do you weigh? What are your calories, what are your macros? Let's look at your MyFitness pal. But working with a a good coach who works with people and women specifically like yourself, it is it's my job to be a mirror, ultimately. It's my job to ask difficult questions, and it's my job ultimately to connect you with why this is a must and why this is a priority. And if I remember specifically, if you don't mind me sharing from the conversation, it's quite common the conversation, the things that you were saying on the call. And it was essentially, I asked the question, how do you think your life will improve if you were to, you know, make these changes and lose the weight? And what I often hear, and I think you said something similar, is I'm still gonna have the same partner, I'm still gonna have the same job, I have a great life. But then so not much will change. But then in the same kind of sentence, it's I hate what I see in the mirror, I don't I'm not confident in my own skin, I have nothing to wear, I have a critical inner voice that tells me I'm disgusting and and you know, use the word I hate my body.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think I remember I reflected that back to you, where on one hand you're saying nothing's gonna change, but then you're also saying that actually all these things are going on internally. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_02:

I do, I do. I think again it goes back to that normalization that I just got so used to waking up with these thoughts that they'd become a part of my identity, and so thinking I I I almost had sort of I mean they were very loud, that's for sure. Like I was very aware of them in the day-to-day, but I I didn't realise how much all of that was actually impacting my behaviour. Whereas where I am now, being able to look back on that, I think that's what's that's why I feel so good now thinking about it, is because like I can't remember the last time I had a negative thought about my body, and that's something like I Alisa back in June just wouldn't have thought was possible. Like I was absolutely convinced that this was just the way it was going to be, whereas that is genuinely it it doesn't, it doesn't come into my awareness, definitely not in the same level that it used to. Uh so I think it's that's the hard thing is being able to see yourself in that future position with all of those things changed, and actually like really be able to connect with that. Because I think when you're in such a place of struggle, that can be quite hard unless you have someone there to point out to you, okay. Well, what about those networking events you go to? Oh, yeah, actually, when I go, I feel a bit self-conscious in what I'm wearing. I don't, I'm an introvert anyway, but I don't put myself forward in conversations, I tend to sit back. Whereas actually, I feel like now I can see that because I feel happier in my body and myself, I know that the next one I go to, I'm gonna feel so much more comfortable with putting myself forward.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's powerful stuff. And really what you said there, that you know, for the past six months you've had very literal, little critical thoughts about your own body. That is ultimately why I do what I do. Like, yes, you know, like numbers and weight loss is is great, but actually it's what that means and how that impacts your life and how addressing the root cause of the problem impacts every aspect of your life. Like it's that's what it is, uh that's what keeps me motivated and why I push so hard ultimately. What other kind of diets or things had you tried to lose weight in the past?

SPEAKER_02:

I think back to trying to think when it started, because my mum has always been a big dieter, and I don't think I ever tried the stuff that she did, but definitely in my probably like early 20s, I tried Slimming World. I think at the time that was maybe one she was on, but I did Slimming World, and then I think after that I was having a difficult time in my relationship, and I was uh my partner had gone away for six months, so I decided then to get a personal trainer, and that came with nutrition. So with him, it was something like five strength training sessions a week, two low intensity sort of walking on a treadmill, plus just being in a massive calorie deficit. So I think I was I was calorie counting, everything was um all about the protein and weighing everything, and yeah, I think at one point I was on maybe 1300 calories a day, plus all of that movement, and I lost a lot of weight, but then as soon as I came away from that, that's when all of the weight came back on and more. I think I ended up putting on another 10 kilograms on top of where I'd started before I lost weight. So I'm pretty sure I pretty much doubled what I'd lost. Uh so yeah, just that those two Slimming World and yeah, a personal trainer with a nutrition plan with like significant restriction. Those were the the two big ones.

SPEAKER_00:

And how did you feel when you put all that weight back on having worked with a personal trainer?

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't really notice it to begin with. So I think because yeah, trying to sort of think back, I had a lot of when I finished working with him, it wasn't that long before I then went through a massive relationship breakup and I uprooted my life from the northeast and moved down here. So I didn't really notice the first sort of five or six kilos, but it's been the last few years, certainly I would say the last like two, where I've put on that extra that yeah, just disappointed in myself, annoyed at him because it it it definitely affected my relationship with food because it was very much this all or nothing kind of approach. Yeah, just annoyed and frustrated and disappointed, like those things. I think that I'd managed to get to this place, but actually, when I think back to it now, I was still really unhappy, even though I'd lost a load of weight. I was still really unhappy because of the other stuff going on in my life. But it just kind of shows to me really like the difference between what I did then and what we've done now is like it's like you've already said, it's not just that focus purely on one thing. Why this has been so successful for me is because it's all of those parts and like the uh the identity work that we do being a massive one, just meaning that I feel like very confident going forward that I've made lasting change and that other things are going to get better as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and it's I think it's particularly frustrating and can potentially lead to kind of guilt and shame and blame because on the face of it, you know, going to a personal trainer is like relatively sensible compared to some of the things that people do for to lose weight, right? Um it's like, yeah, I'm gonna go and exercise, and you know, there's a professional I'm working, you know, it's one-on-one. And I was that person, right? I was the personal trainer in the gym who was doing exactly that, smashing mostly women over the age of I probably shouldn't use the word smashing in this context.

SPEAKER_02:

Maybe say that one again.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, uh no, we can keep this in, it's funny. But um, but you know, making uh women over 40 really kill themselves in the gym, basically, and giving them very strict meal plans and uh and macros. And yeah, they get results when they were motivated and when they were following the instructions and when I was working with them. And then they'd always go quiet to the point where actually sometimes they wouldn't respond. And then maybe I'd find out later that you know, all the weight came back on. And at first I would blame them. I'd be like, well, they're just no discipline, no willpower, no motivation, don't want it bad enough. But then this kept happening, and I started to think, okay, what's actually going on here? Like uh, and we'll talk about this another day, but I I essentially changed my own behavior from drug abuse, alcohol abuse, uh, shifted my identity and used a lot of the same kind of principles we use with our clients to change my own behavior. And I started to incorporate that and look look at things in a bit of a deeper way. So you said that you came across me randomly. You're not, you don't remember what why or how.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I do remember, I remember exactly. I follow, I think she's your friend, Xanna van Dijk.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah, good old Xana.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. She was, I was watching her stories, and I think she was in the south of France doing some hiking with you, and because I'm a nosy person, I like to see who people are. And I clicked on your name, and I obviously came across your profile, and I was like, huh. What is all of this? And I thought, fuck it. I am I am at rock bottom and I don't know what to do because I'm stuck in this body positivity diet problem. And so I thought, what have I got to lose by having a conversation with someone just to see what I can do? Because it's not me doing it by myself, or I was doing nothing really. Uh, but where I am isn't working. And I the big thing for me was thinking I don't want to get to like my mum has struggled with her weight and her body for a long time. And I just turned 37, but kind of leading up to that thinking, I don't want to get to 40 and still hate my body. I just don't want that to be something I spend mental time worrying about. I just I want to enjoy my life, and it was things like my motorbike trousers were struggling to fit, and you know, you hear all this stuff about uh you're not meant to fit your clothes, your clothes are meant to fit you. And I was like, but I don't want to have to buy another pair of motorbike trousers, and really like and then I was having to upsize a lot of stuff in my wardrobe, and and just all of that was just really pissing me off. So I thought, hey, this guy seems to know what he's talking about, so let's have a conversation. And and yeah, I I wasn't prepared for how painful it would be and how upset I would get, I think, because of uh that reflection of that really uncovering the thoughts that I'd hidden and normalized, but it was definitely the best thing I've done. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00:

Good to hear. Um, yeah, I've worked with a lot of Xannah's followers, and actually they're all very similar to you. They're come from that body positivity background and actually feeling stuck because they've gone from being super restrictive, dieting, hating themselves and hating life and not being able to enjoy the foods, but losing weight. Then realizing that actually that's toxic and they don't like that, then going to completely the opposite direction, whereas oh, intuitive eating and listen to your body, and you know, it doesn't matter how big you are. You know, I think on the how it started is really positive, right? It's but I think it's kind of it went in a bit of a toxic direction in some ways, uh, especially with a health at any size movement and essentially feeling guilty for trying to better yourself and improve yourself.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and that's definitely how I felt was guilty for for wanting to change my body. Yeah, this it was a real Real struggle.

SPEAKER_00:

And I I completely understand and empathize why you would end up over there in the body positivity thing. Because in a lot of ways, it's probably better than the restriction, the deparation, and you know, hating what you you know, the your life. Uh but lots of people then come to the conclusion that actually I'm still not happy. And actually, just in terms of the practicality, depending on how much weight you have to lose, and you know, you didn't have this much weight to lose, but some of the clients we've worked with, 20, 30, 40, 50 kilos they're carrying every single day. That makes life so much harder in so many different ways. And so it's always kind of been my kind of angle, be like, well, actually, it doesn't have to be either or. There is a way you can enjoy food.

SPEAKER_02:

There is a way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And be in the best shape of your life and have it all. Um, which for a lot of people sounds too good to be true initially.

SPEAKER_02:

It it absolutely, I was one of those people. I thought it sounded too good to be true. I was like, oh, is it gonna be a big thing for me was I do not want to do calorie counting. What I love about this is I actually haven't had to do any calorie counting. The methodology we've used, I know that might not be the case for everyone. I obviously can't speak for them, but I've what I love about this is finding a way to help it all fit into my sometimes chaotic lifestyle. And yes, it has there are difficult moments, but there's so much support. And and I can say as well, I think having got to the point where I am now, I think I've lost nine kilograms. Wow. Yeah, which I'm like so proud of myself for that. And I've had a few comp uh comments this week from colleagues who say, Oh, you're looking slimmer, like your face is looking things that they never would have said to me before, oh, your face looks bigger. They wouldn't have would never have said it the other way, but I can I can really see those changes now and I can feel them as well. Um, and I think it's just knowing that, yeah, it's I parts of it hard, but it's also been enjoyable, dare I say. Um, I've actually enjoyed challenging myself, but knowing I'm fully supported and that I can have a ridiculously busy week where I'm well, I had the flu last week, so I was home in bed most of the time, and then I've gone straight into a flying week, which has been really busy, but I have these strategies to be able to manage and not be completely like derailed by stuff like that. And I think that's what I love about it, is like it's not like a diet where you do it for three months, and then at the end of it, you're like, okay, off you go, and then life gets busy and things get hard, you know. Maybe you have stuff going on in your personal life. Whereas with this, it's like all of that stuff can happen and I know how to support myself, or I might have a really easy week and I still know how to put support myself. Like it, that's what I love about it is that you can go with the ebbs and flows of life, those peaks and troughs, whatever words you want to use, and and you know how to manage them. That's what I love about it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and that's the only way you actually get long-term success, isn't it? Because most other, you know, diet slimming world working with a personal trainer, it only works when things are easy. It only works when life is easy in perfect conditions and you've got no challenges. They don't equip you with the skills on what to do when life gets stressful, but also to give you the tools to understand how you react in those situations. Because most people are completely unaware of what the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions are in periods of stress, which lead them to overeating, binging, uh, you know, prioritizing everyone else, chastising themselves, putting pressure on themselves. They're just stuck in these loops. And it's been great to see you become kind of more aware of all these things.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. It's it's been great.

SPEAKER_00:

All I ask in return is that you help me spread the word. That way I can help as many people as I can to never die again. The way to do that is to rate, review, and share this podcast. A review will only take 30 seconds, but it would mean the world to me. But more importantly, it could help change the life of someone else. So you you said that there was potentially a bit of skepticism at the start. Could you talk to me a bit about how you felt maybe going into the call, seeing some of my content, but also take me back because initially it was a no, if I remember correctly.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it was a no.

SPEAKER_00:

And you came back.

SPEAKER_02:

And I am so glad that I did not let that be my fixed decision. Yeah, I think because I'm with the breathwork stuff I've done, I've had and I ha had a friend who was a business coach. And so I've seen I saw your page and and I can tell it's I know it's coaching, I know it's weight loss, like there's a lot I can um ascertain from it. But when I see other coaches, because I've seen uh these like coaches, coaching, coaches, coaching coaches, I always kind of think is what what actual like value is gonna be in here? Like, how can I trust this person? Uh, which is why it was so good to talk to you to actually get some interaction and understand, okay, what like what's what's the deal? Um yeah, so I think it for me it felt like I was having to make, I think because I was in such a rock bottom place, I made a very quick decision to book a call. So I didn't actually spend that much time. Normally, I think if I was gonna work with someone, I would spend a lot more time listening to their podcast if they have one, looking at their LinkedIn, their Instagram, other people, uh, reviews, all of that stuff, like doing a lot more sort of background work, I guess. Uh, whereas with you, it was very much like I'm just gonna go with my gut here, you know. I've I've stumbled across you from someone's Instagram that I follow. This completely aligns with the way I'm feeling right now. So let's just see what happens. Um and yeah, I think the thing I struggled with was making that financial commitment. Um yeah, again, I'm trying to sort of think of the way to word it, if you just let my brain pause. Um yeah, it's it's scare, it can feel scary, I think, when you're investing a lot in yourself. And I think sometimes like when you go to, I don't know, pay for a gym membership or something, it's very you can kind of very clearly see okay, this is uh this is the product I'm getting. Whereas with coaching, I think you have you're having to you can't sort of necessarily see your end result, you can see other people's end results. And I went on Facebook and I looked at the reviews, and I was like, okay, but it's still sometimes it can be hard to see, okay. Well, but it is that actually gonna work for me because nothing else has worked so far. So why does that mean that this is gonna work? Because is this just another person trying to sell me stuff? That's sort of the the thoughts that were going through my mind. It's like, yeah, you do really get into this mindset, I think, and I can't say again, I can't speak for everyone, but definitely for me of I feel awful about myself. There's a possible solution, but actually to protect myself, because I don't want to be disappointed, I'm gonna tell myself that it's too good to be true. That's sort of I think it's this we create this like self-protection mechanism that we don't want to take the risk financially or with the commitment because we're worried that if it doesn't work out, how how bad we're gonna feel as a consequence of that. I think that's like one of the hardest things to get through is like trusting people. For me, that that was kind of what it felt like was okay, I'm making this time and financial commitment. How can I build that trust? And we had obviously the the conversation on on our call and a bit of conversation afterwards, but yeah, I definitely did have to sort of say to myself, like, Alisa, this is this is it. You've got to do something because you really are. Uh I wish I wasn't at that rock bottom place, but looking back now, I can see that I was. And I imagine a lot of women who um book calls with you are are in a very similar place, and yeah, you just have to take the leap and trust.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for sharing. That was incredibly articulate, the way that you described exactly what was going on, because I think that's exactly what happens for many women listening to the podcast. Uh, and I see it, you know. So the call you're alluding to, Elisa, is called the Food Freedom Breakthrough Call.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, that's the one.

SPEAKER_00:

And you know, it's a big step to even booking that call, the complete stranger on the internet. Um, and I think most women probably don't give themselves even that opportunity because of exactly what you just described. They're stuck, they are, even if they're connected with the pain, they want to do something about this. Everything is resonating. Every they're listening to every single podcast, they're watching every Instagram story, they're reading every email, but they're telling themselves, and this is there's no blame. Ultimately, it's fear, and it's actually your brain behaving in exactly the way it's meant to behave. So it's trying to protect you from danger, right? So our brains have learned these capacities of this, these bad things have happened a few times. So I'm now going to be hyper-vigilant of this bad thing happening again. Um, so in other words, failing and and not succeeding. And so your that fear can then ultimately get in the way of you making a positive decision. And it's hard because there are it's hard for me because it's now a very competitive environment. And no matter how I try and position myself as being different to what's out there, because I would say we are very different, but it's very difficult for people to see that, and especially with Instagram, much easier with the podcast, which is why I'm putting so much effort into the podcast. But yeah, that fear, that voice can stop you from doing things. And you are in one of the less than 1%, Elisa, who initially said no and came back.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm so glad I did. Like it's genuinely changed my life. Like I'm tearing up thinking about it. But yeah, because if I think what what if I hadn't done that, where would I be now? And I I think it was you saying to me that um it was something like things not not necessarily things are gonna get worse, but it was it was like highlighting to me that the trend of where I'm going, even though I think I'm here not moving, that actually my trend was kind of moving this way. And it's like, where is that gonna end up? Whereas now I'm going this way, having actually done something about it. Uh, and it was kind of recognizing that really that I think helped.

SPEAKER_00:

Did I say that on the call? Did I say that on a DM afterwards?

SPEAKER_02:

It maybe wasn't, I I can't remember. It might have been Instagram, I won't pick up this. I remember it sounds really harsh if I say that you said things are gonna get worse, but it was very much like, okay, well, you've put weight on and you're feeling awful. Kind of what makes you think that that is gonna stay static? And I know that things we all have good days and bad days, but having been there and kind of seen, I think I was very much sort of fearful of especially kind of lit like you're talking about earlier, leaning towards body positivity, but very much fearful of thinking, when is it gonna end? Like, when am I just gonna keep putting on weight and get to a point? And actually, when I look back at photos of myself from earlier this year, like I can see it in my face, and at the time I didn't really notice, but now I can see like how much the the extra weight I was carrying, how great I feel now that it's going. Um but yeah, it's those hard truths that they feel really uncomfortable to hear, but unfortunately, I think that that is the sort of the reality that you have to be faced with if you want to take action. It's like you were saying earlier about normalizing the pain. You have to highlight to yourself that that pain is not like not normal. You shouldn't be live, that's not something you should be living with every single day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's tough. And I, you know, it would have been along the lines of, and to anyone listening to this, I think there's this people have these ideas, and I think you described it earlier. You're like, oh well, at some point things will just get better. So people have this idea that, well, it's it's not always I don't need to do anything about it now because obviously things will get better, they're not gonna get worse. So people have these kind of positive uh thoughts about the situation. But if we look at the reality, things either get better or they get worse, they don't stay the same. And if you're not doing anything different to improve the situation, why would they get better? So, in reality, if you do nothing, things get worse. And I'm not, you know, maybe the weight stays the same. Maybe it's the weight doesn't get worse, but it's more of stressing about how you feel in your dresses, stressing about what you're gonna eat in mealtimes, not liking what you see in the mirror, not trusting yourself. Those things get worse, and the longer they go on, the more ingrained they become. So, what was great to you about Elise, not only you part the 1% because you initially said no and you came back, but actually, like every client that we work with, you have actually done this despite the fear, despite the skepticism. You've essentially ignored that voice which says, what if, what if, what if, what if? And not only will that help with weight loss, but that will improve every aspect of your life the better you get at ignoring that voice, because that voice is the voice that keeps you stuck. So obviously you mentioned that you've lost nine kilos, which is incredible, especially since you didn't have you know loads of weight to lose in the first place. What else would you and you've been into a bit of detail, what would you say that you've gained on top of weight loss, aside from the weight loss?

SPEAKER_02:

I have gained so much. And it's gonna sound very simple and silly, maybe, but as I said earlier, my life can be really chaotic when I'm flying and I do a lot of outdoor stuff, and I find it very difficult, I have found it difficult to plan. But something that has changed is that that is something I now I'm not perfect, it's definitely a work in progress, but I've got much better at planning ahead because that has is something that then makes my week so much easier. So, like this week at work, I'm in at 7 a.m. every morning, and it's too early for me to eat breakfast. I don't like eating breakfast that early. So I make my overnight oats before I go to bed, and I get into work and I have breakfast, and it's just little things like that that then make they take the stress away from my day. So definitely planning ahead and not having the stress of or the it's the decision fatigue I struggle with uh of what am I gonna eat, what am I gonna have for lunch. We would get lunch bags at work, which are just really lacking in nutrition and just the satisfaction of taking in something really tasty that I enjoy and that fills me up. That's been really good. Building in habits like again, kind of refer to flying because that's where I'm at at the moment, but it can be a difficult movement, can be quite a difficult thing. I do not fly an airplane big enough to go wandering around in. Um, but just building in movement in my day, taking a 10-minute walk down to this bridge and back. We have just the enjoyment I get out of that of having a bit of fresh air, clearing my head, moving my body, that makes me feel good. Uh the weight loss definitely, it's been very mood boosting. Uh, I've had a few items of clothing recently that I've fit managed to fit back into, which I haven't worn probably for like at least two years, and that's been really um really good. Um what else?

SPEAKER_00:

How has it impacted how you show up in life?

SPEAKER_02:

I feel more confident, uh, definitely. I yeah, I feel a lot more confident. We've got our Christmas party tomorrow night uh with work, and this time last year I was definitely feeling uncertain about what to wear, feeling self-conscious, and tomorrow already I'm excited. I feel like I will yeah, be confident, and that's something that makes me happy. So definitely the confidence has been a big thing. I didn't realise like how much that had been impacted. Whereas now, yeah, I just don't feel self-conscious in the same way that I used to. Like, again, it's not perfect, there's still like work to do, but it's not something that is completely taking over my mind and making me feel sort of small, like I feel like I can kind of stand proud. Um, the other thing is doing a weekly food shop online, which I've always I've wanted to be one of those people who has the foods delivered to the house because I don't really enjoy doing enjoy doing the food shop. And with my work schedule going to the supermarket, yeah, just it ends up being here and there, which means I then don't necessarily have everything I need, and that that then leads to like getting takeaways or going out for dinner, uh, and just getting to a place where I can be organized enough and and know how to prioritize that has been great. That's definitely been one of my one of my biggest wins. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Excellent. Final two questions. If you could take yourself back to that moment where you initially said no.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I know you did eventually persuade yourself, but what would you say to yourself back then, now that you've been through this?

SPEAKER_02:

Do it. Don't even question it, just do it. That's what I would say to anyone. If so, if someone was to come to me with feel feeling, if they were to be. That's honest and share that they feel the same way that I did then, I would undoubtedly say, do it. It is, I think, what you have to understand is it's not a quick fix like a lot of diets are. It is hard work, you are going to be challenged. But if you want to get to that place, like where I am, where I feel like I am now, then you have to be willing to put in that work. But it is a hundred percent worth it, and it can be an enjoyable process, and you learn so much about yourself. I think that's it was something you touched on earlier. But I like to think I'm quite self-aware. I have good mechanisms like tools, breath work to help me with stress, but I didn't realise how much I was leaning on food. I think that was something that I've seen you highlight a few times is emotional eating. It can be so insidious that you just don't even realize you're doing it. And I think having awareness of that, yeah, has been really good. I think I answered the question.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you know, even coaches need coaches, right? So, like I've been quite open and honest about my what happened to me, but just to very kind of briefly summarize it, I basically had like a breakdown two years ago, uh, which after the death, uh death in the family. And I then went through therapy and mindfulness, and that's how I got Ed uh involved with the program. Uh Ed's the mindfulness coach. Before that happened, I was still a coach. I was helping people in very similar ways. And if you would have asked me, do I need coaching or do I need, is there anything kind of that I need to work on, I would have said no. Because I didn't know that I was basically putting a ton of pressure on myself. I didn't know that I had these thoughts of if I don't do this by this time, this bad thing is going to happen. I didn't know that was going on. Probably other people could see this in myself, but I didn't know. Even though I'm a coach, even though I am paid to help people bring awareness to these things. So it's just a lesson that it's not a weakness asking for help. Like one of the biggest struggles, lots of we work with you know successful, intelligent, motivated women like yourself, and they put a lot of pressure on themselves to think I should be able to do this myself. This isn't that complicated.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But it is, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think because I definitely felt like that. It's like I should, and I I that is definitely something I struggle with in other areas, uh like motorbiking. Um and I think yeah, we we do feel this responsibility that we should just be able to figure things out ourselves, and that getting help is a sign of weakness, and that we have to be these tough, independent women. But I got support with this, and it's been life-changing. I'm going out on my motorbike on Saturday and having training for that. You know, we have training for other things, so I think it's just realizing that you deserve to make yourself a priority and having someone, it's yeah, just having my weekly call where I could speak to someone and be able to have them see the things that I couldn't necessarily see. Uh, and even now, being uh on the mastery side of things, like just the realisation I had this week of okay, what Molly said to me was I what I want to focus on is movement because that's the thing I'm struggling to do this week because of how busy my schedule is and and darkness. But actually, that's even though that's the thing I want to focus on, that's not really the thing I should be focusing on because I don't actually have that much control over it. So just learning things like that and being like, okay, but what actually can I control? Oh, my nutrition. It's maybe not the one I want to be controlling as much, but that's actually the one I need to focus on. So yeah, just that's what I've loved about it. You just get so much awareness.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you don't know what you don't know, right? And and it I can understand why there is that skepticism. It's like, well, I've I've read every book, I've done every diet. What more could a coach possibly teach me? But yeah, it's I think people are often, and it sounds like you were surprised the depth at which we go and and what we kind of teach our clients. And it's difficult for me to kind of explain that without actually taking you through it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think that's that was the bit for me. It's like I think I thought it would just be another diet, and that I'd be told, right, you need to eat this many calories, and you need you need to eat more protein, and you need to do more strength workouts, and you need to do more steps. But it's all the other parts. I think that's what I've found, that's what makes it so effective. Is like it is about so much more. It's about understanding why do you reach for the bar of chocolate at the end of the day, or the glass of wine. Like, what is it you're trying to relieve or celebrate or whatever? It's being able to understand all of that stuff to then go, ah, okay, now I actually understand my relationship with food, so I can change that and find other ways to support myself. I think that was the big thing for me was yeah, realizing that actually there are so many other things that you explore beyond just diet and movement.

SPEAKER_00:

It's the things that actually make the difference and lead to the long term success.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's why we focus on them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So, Elisa, thank you so much for the conversation today. I've really enjoyed it. I've really enjoyed hearing your perspective and thank you for being so articulate and for sharing and opening up and being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_02:

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks a lot.

SPEAKER_02:

Have a lovely evening.

SPEAKER_00:

You too.