#101 "I thought you were a scam, now i'm down 2 stone" - Rhian

What if the reason you’re stuck isn’t food…

…it’s who you think you are?

In this episode, I’m joined by Rhian, one of our clients who came to us postpartum, exhausted, anxious, addicted to sugar and convinced I was a scam.

Eight months later?

She’s down 13kg, doesn’t snack, drinks less, walks everywhere… and most importantly:

She feels safe in her body. And she trusts herself again.

This isn’t just a transformation story.

It’s the raw truth about what happens when you stop swinging between restriction and “eat whatever you want”… and finally break the mindset patterns that started in your teens.

If you’ve ever felt:

• “This won’t work for me.”
• “I’ve tried everything.”
• “I’m just broken.”

Press play.

Because this episode will make you realize:
 you were never the problem.

Watch my The Cravings & Fat-Burning Masterclass:  https://www.neverdietagainmethod.uk/register-podcast

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/max.lowery/

Book a Food Freedom Breakthrough Call: https://www.neverdietagainmethod.uk/call-ig

Transcript

Welcome And Rianne’s Backstory

Max Lowery 0:00

Today I'm joined by one of our amazing clients, Rihanne, who came to us exhausted, addicted to sugar, anxious, and very skeptical. She genuinely thought I was just another coach trying to capitalize on vulnerable women. Fast forward eight months, she's lost 13 kilos, doesn't snack, she drinks less, she walks everywhere, and she feels safe and secure in her body. And for the first time, she trusts herself. But this episode is not just about weight loss, it's about identity. It's about what happens when you stop swinging between diet culture and eat whatever you want culture. It's about what happens when you stop blaming hormones, age, motherhood, and finally face the mindset that's been running the show since you were 13. So if you've ever thought this sounds too good to be true, maybe I'm different, maybe this won't work for me, you need to hear this conversation. How do you create a life that allows you to lose weight, eat the foods that you love, and sustain the results? Over the last 10 years, I've helped thousands of people do exactly that. I'm Max Lowry, I'm an author, personal trainer, and weight loss coach. In this podcast, I'm going to share my top tips and tricks from within my one-on-one coaching programme. It's my goal to give you the tools and understanding so that you never diet again. Hello, welcome to another episode of the podcast. Today I'm joined by one of our amazing clients, Rianne. Rianne, who are you? Where do you live? And what do you do?

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Hi, I'm Rianne. I live in London. I'm 31. I'm a mum. And I recently returned to work, working for a tech company after a year's MAT leave.

Max Lowery 1:30

And so actually, Rianne, you are uh definitely on the younger side of our of our clients. We're generally working with women over 40, but we do take on um some uh under the age of 40 as well. Talk to me about what things were like before you started working with us and kind of what motivated you to work with us.

Postpartum Struggle And Sugar Spiral

SPEAKER_01 1:47

It's funny on your point about the age. I remember when we put time in to like first speak, I was thinking, should I lie about my age? Because it seems like it's um 40 plus, but it make it's like this is me, you're describing me, so yes, younger. What things were like for me? Um, I mean, I was three and a half months postpartum, so you were getting me in a very like raw state. I had battled with like body image and my weight for years, but I think when I met you, I was going through a massive identity shift already. I was really struggling uh mentally and physically with um becoming a mum. Um I think it's probably safe to say I'd hit rock bottom and was very much addicted to sugar. I I would argue. I mean, I obviously I was hardly getting any sleep, so I was in a bit of a sugar cycle. I was like have sugar in my tea, eat pastries, like just to get enough sugar hits to like keep getting through the day. But I think um all of that had just amounted to a massive weight gain, feeling very anxious all the time, um, and just feel very disconnected from myself, from my body.

Max Lowery 3:05

Thanks very much for sharing. And it's great that you didn't do what lots of other women do is go and try and do the quick fix stuff um to lose weight, uh, you know, especially in that state where you have just given birth three months postpartum, you know, your body is still recovering to then go and put more stress on the body by doing restriction and deprivation. But could you talk me through what kind of things you maybe tried before this program?

Early Diets And Slimming Clubs

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Yeah, I mean, to be honest, I would I would say that for the five to well, maybe let's say eight years prior to finding Live 360, I had actually almost not done anything. In a I think it was part of a way to try and heal um myself from sort of toxic diet culture from my teenage years, my early 20s, which very much dominated like from the age of 13, um, was taken to Slimming World. Um, and that was that happened in a very formative part of my life, and I think uh was the start of a lot of issues for myself with food. I think I'd been on a bit of a journey before that, but it because I hadn't done anything in those eight years, um, I was also very active before and I'd stopped being active, I just gained weight, like a lot of weight slowly, but over eight years it was a lot. Um so although I hadn't done much in in the kind of few years leading up to meeting you in Live 360, um, I had done it all growing up. Everything you get Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Rosemary Connolly, um which I remember she followed me on Twitter once and feeling like that was like uh an iconic moment, which goes to show like how um you know how in it I was.

Max Lowery 4:47

Thanks very much for sharing. And you know, particularly the part about being put in Slimming World at the age of 13, did you say? Because I've heard that a lot. You know, my 12 years doing this, I've heard, oh, I was put on a diet when I was 13, I was taking to Slimming World at the age of 13. If you don't mind sharing, like how do you what was that like and how do you think that impacted your relationship with food and your relationship with yourself?

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Um well what it was like at the time, I can remember feeling I suppose when you're 13, like your body's changing for the first time, you're feeling so insecure, um, you don't like how your body's changing necessarily, you and you just feel at odds with yourself. So part of me I can remember feeling excited about it. I felt like, oh okay, like this is gonna this is giving this is like teaching me something, like um I can learn how to control, I can learn how to like take better care of myself, but I think it completely misses the point that in my opinion, those programs are not teaching that they're teaching you about bad versus good, and there's there's no such thing as good or bad food, like it's and it almost villainizes the bad food to the point where all you have to do is like smell chocolate and then you feel like you've you know gained a stone, like it felt very like severe consequences, like just to enjoy something that should be enjoyed um every now and then. So at the time I can remember thinking like, oh good, like I'm in control, like I'm being given some tools to help. But and I think also why a lot of people are in that situation is because uh generations before them, that's exactly the only option they had was to be taken to swimming clubs. So it's just a sort of continued, a continued like behaviour. Oh, this is what would solve it, this is what we should do. Um, but I think it just set off a thing inside of me of good versus bad behaviour, um, which contributes for me, like manifested as all or nothing thinking. So I could never just enjoy a piece of chocolate and then go on with the rest of my day. It was like the whole chocolate bar, or I wouldn't chuck touch chocolate for you know months on end, um, neither of which are particularly healthy.

Public Weigh-Ins And Scale Trauma

Max Lowery 7:09

So yeah, I mean I've heard some terrible stories uh about what happens at these slimming clubs, but ultimately, like at the age of 13, having to weigh yourself in front of a room full of people. I mean, I can't imagine. I mean, when I was 13, I didn't have to deal with any of that stuff, but even then I was, you know, self-conscious, right? You're you're just about your body's just changing, you know, you're very unsure of yourself, hormones are starting to go all over the place, and you know, standing in front of a room full of people. What do you remember doing that? What was that like?

SPEAKER_01 7:34

I remember doing all that. Do you know what I remember the most? And this is actually something that's come up a lot for me as I've been working with my coach at the programme, Molly. Um, it was more after the weigh-in. Like I didn't find the the weigh-ins and that part, the traumatic part. I think on reflection, what's more traumatic is you would then go through everyone, like one by one, the person stood up at the front. And they would tell everyone, you know, your weight loss or your weight gain that week. And it would either be a round of the pause and it like like everyone clapping and like, you know, well done, or like a like a real pity like flare. So that's what I remember. So for me, like one of the biggest things I've had to work on um since joining the F360 was actually like removing the scales as a measure of success because it was so ingrained with me. Like every time I stepped on, I myself was like, oh, am I clapping myself or am I like um you know, am I gonna judge myself basically?

Body Positivity And The Pendulum Swing

Max Lowery 9:34

Yeah, and this is something we lean into heavily in the program is trying to get away from this Western approach of being obsessed with the outcomes and the goals and the number on the scale, and more leaning into creating the right conditions for weight loss to happen automatically, and which is more of a kind of an Eastern um philosophy. But yeah, it's the hardest thing for a lot of our clients to remove that emotional attachment to the number on the scale, and we really see it with clients at the start of their journeys in the first kind of few weeks where they're just so hyper-focused on the number on the scale, and you can see them panicking and and there's all this fight or flight response and stress and pressure that they're adding on themselves, which is you know the number one reason why they can never find any consistency. You did all these typical diets, so then it what it sounds like is you then kind of went against all these diets and tried to remove yourself from kind of toxic dieting and diet culture. Could you talk to me about what happened there and what that was like?

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Yeah, so it coincided with there being like a big body positivity movement online, which definitely I think happened at a time where I was already trying to rebel against everything that I knew or had been taught. I loved that movement, I still love that movement. I think it's really important, but I think ultimately the pendulum for me swung too far the other way, where it's like it was I was trying to be too body positive and too accepting of myself that I still lost myself in the process. Like I swung too far the other way and was just doing things because that's what people say online is positive or like like is representation. But actually it's like no, but that's not making me feel good, or like that's not making me like myself or like the habits that that I'm doing. And I think as a result of that, just feeling like disconnected, like a bit of a push and a pull, just led to like a very big weight gain.

Finding Coaching And Initial Skepticism

Max Lowery 11:23

Yeah, and it's interesting you say that because I have, you know, I think what what body positivity started as, I think is, as you say, needed and necessary. Um, but I think especially with how the kind of weight community jumped on it. Because initially it was almost also um kind of disfigurement and you know, you know, if you've lost limbs and things like that. Um, but then it I think it got kind of very much dominated by people who are overweight, and I think it did kind of go the other way, um, where to the point it actually got a bit toxic in itself. I think the issue with it is if you come from diet culture and then you go to the complete opposite of that, that's gonna cause its own problems, right? Because you can't go from restricting, restricting, restricting to suddenly, oh, I'm gonna do intuitive eating. And if I feel like eating a donut, I'm gonna eat all the donuts. For me, intuitive eating is that's something, a skill you have to develop and learn over time. It's kind of exactly what we do, you know, with you guys. Um, and I've had many conversations with women who are initially happier because they've taken the pressure off of themselves, but then end up, you know, the reality of carrying extra weight, feeling you know, self-conscious, not liking the skin they're in, maybe having uh health issues and health concerns as well, then they end up being unhappy there as well. So yeah, it is a balance. And I think the issue is there doesn't seem to be any other alternative for people, right? It's either I'm restricting myself, but I'm losing weight, or I'm not restricting myself, but I'm gaining weight. It's kind of that, as you say, pendulum swing. And I've very much tried to position ourselves in the middle that you can enjoy food and lose weight at the same time, which we'll talk about in a second. Um, so yeah, thanks very much for sharing your journey, Rihanna. I think it's really interesting for people to understand that. And then so I guess what I'm interested to know is having been through all that, what then made you seek out working with a coach potentially like us? Like, how did you hear about us and what were you what were you thinking?

SPEAKER_01 13:15

It's a good question. I I had worked with coaches like career-wise before. So rather than well, I'd worked with career coaches and very much enjoyed it. Um, I think I naturally have a growth mindset, which I think helps or made the idea of coaching more attractive. It didn't feel like, you know, like it was gonna be therapy. I didn't feel like I needed emotional eating therapy, but I just needed I knew I had an issue there and I needed some help processing what that issue was, how it was showing up for myself, and then I needed some tools to figure out how to like tackle it. But to be honest, like you came across my Instagram completely by chance when I was kind of it was the middle of the night, I was doing night feeds with my daughter, I was feeling sad, and then it just came across and I was like, okay. So I I suppose I didn't think about it too much at the time when I first reached out. It wasn't until we spoke properly when I started to think, hmm, yeah, okay, I think this could this could really help me.

Max Lowery 14:18

One of the biggest things we have to struggle with as and I have to struggle with with sharing the program is a very high level of skepticism and a very low level of trust, which I completely understand because there are so many coaches out there saying that they can help uh help you. And some of them have all sorts of uh devious sales tactics going on. Uh, and then also once you get in, it's completely generic and it's just addressed, you know, you're paying a lot of money just to get calorie targets and workouts. Was there any skepticism from your part?

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Yeah, I mean, I would argue I was probably one of your most sceptical clients you've probably ever had. It may not have felt that way to you, but when I first was like digesting everything, and don't take offense by this, but I was like, hmm, I think this is just someone trying to capitalise on the vulnerability of women. I was like, not I was like, mmm, my like spidey senses were going off. But you sent me a video, and it was like, re you're gonna have to remind me now because it you know it's nearly eight months ago.

Max Lowery 15:16

Reset rewire we're alone.

Ego Resistance And Taking The Leap

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yes, that video, and I was like, okay, I don't trust this man, but at the same time, everything he's describing in this video is me, and he's explaining the science behind why that is and how to get out of it, and that's not really something that had that I'd come across before, so that was enough for me to be like, okay, I'm gonna I'll at least book a call in and I'll have a conversation. And I'll I I was still skeptical when we spoke. I was like, this sounds too good to be true, and I'll be honest, I was even skeptical, maybe like a month into the programme when I'd been losing weight at like at a rate that I hadn't before, and it didn't feel difficult. And I was like, this must be too good to be true. I'm still skeptical, like when's this gonna shift? Like, when's this gonna change? And it hasn't. So there's nothing you did that flipped it for me, but just time, and I realized that there's no reason to be skeptical. Like, you're just giving people the tools and the ability to like change this for themselves.

Max Lowery 16:24

Love hearing that perspective. And yeah, I asked that question because I want people to be 100% uh open and honest. I because there's probably gonna be a whole host of you know, women listening to the podcast who probably would never think to book in with me because I am a man um and I completely understand that. Like, how could I understand what you you know what you're going through? And um there are you know, I'm I'm unfortunately lumped into the categories of lots of other coaches who maybe do you know prey on uh vulnerable people, uh, and then also can't help them either. So it's uh um what do you think? And I think what you you make a good point, right? Confidence comes from proof and action. And so even when you were getting the results and it still felt you know felt too good to be true because it's kind of against everything that you've tried, you know, the fact that you can not have to restrict and deprive yourself, not to have to smash your body in a gym, you can still go out for dinner, have a drink if you want to have a drink and lose weight at the same time. It takes time, and I and it does I get it, it does sound good to be true. If you've been dieting your entire life coming from Slimming World, it does sound good to be true. And I say um, you know, about Isempic all the time. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Uh, but in this respect, it's not like it is possible to enjoy life and uh lose the weight that you want to lose. I mean, is there anything specific? So you're obviously kind of generally skeptical, but was there anything like, well, maybe this just won't work for me? Uh maybe I'm different. Is there anything you're like, no, this is this is I'm different?

Results Without Restriction

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah, I think so. Like all of it for me was just like I talk about my spidey senses, but everything was just screaming like, no, like don't don't do this, like you're gonna waste money and you're on maternity leave, you haven't really got money to waste, like you're struggling with becoming a new mother, like you're not exactly feeling like you're succeeding at that. So let's not add another thing like to fail at to the to the list. But you said something to me on that call, and actually it you have it's a part of the 90-day programme um that I really had to work with about how like that is ultimately just your ego trying to hold you back, and like your ego is stopping you in a lot of situations from actually doing what you want to do or being who you want to become. And I'd never understood ego like that before, I'd always understood it as like arrogance or like overconfidence, and so I think that just struck a chord with me, and then I was like, oh, okay, there's something here, like that's that's landing. What happens if I do just just do it? And obviously, I was in a fortunate position where you and I were able to figure something out because I was on maternity leave and didn't was worried about money, so you know we we sat down and we talked about what that could look like, and also lucky that I have a you know supportive husband who also you probably remember we got onto the call in discussed, which also helped.

Max Lowery 19:20

Oh, yeah, I did speak to him, didn't I? Yeah, so he's one of the maybe 10% of partners I end up speaking to. Um, and it's always great when they are willing to get on the call because then they're you know fully bought in. There's there's less of like this unknown because it can be really difficult for partners to understand. Like uh often it's a case, and I'm not saying I can't remember your partner's name, what's your partner's name?

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Andy.

Max Lowery 19:40

I don't think Andy was like this, but a lot of partners like it's not hard. You just you need to stop snacking, you just need to go on a run. Like, just do what I do, like I do it all the time. Little do they understand, obviously, the the psychology, the physiology, you know, the the societal pressure is just completely different for women than it is men. It's much harder for women.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

It's so true. And uh luckily he is not like that, so he was fully on board with it. But uh we both talk about um often how it was or is the best investment we've made because he's also lost pretty much the same amount of weight as I have. Yeah.

Max Lowery 20:14

I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Yeah, I mean, he's obviously not been doing the lessons or you know, or the programmes or having the coaching sessions, but you know, just in us talking and communicating about what I'm going through, like he's resonating with and he's you know, he's wanting that for himself as well. So we've both we've both learned a lot.

Sponsor-Free Ask: Rate And Share

From Sugar “Addiction” To Control

Max Lowery 20:32

Well, well, I love that. Um, but you know, that does happen, right? When if one person in the household starts to um change their behavior, uh inevitably, who they're around are likely there might be defensiveness initially and they might not want to get involved, but inevitably by osmosis, it's gonna happen. But yeah, what you were alluding to earlier is called ego resistance, and what's really interesting is so essentially your ego, yeah, people think of it in terms of like, oh, they're arrogant, but really it's your sense of self and it's your identity. And your ego doesn't like change, it wants to protect itself at all costs, and there's all sorts of evolutionary benefits to that. But the issue is um it doesn't like change, even if you staying stuck is causing lots of problems in your life, even if change means lots of positive things happening, and you, you know, your health improving, your mental health improving, everything improving, your your brain, your ego, your identity don't like change. And so what I see all the time is essentially fear disguised as logic. So, no, as you say, all the logical things like no, I've just had a baby, it doesn't make sense, I'm just gonna fail again. But ultimately, um that's just fear disguised logic. And in reality, in difficult times, that's when you need support the most, right? You don't just wait for perfect conditions to have help and support. Um, ideally, you get support when you're struggling, right? So I really respect the fact that you did this despite the fear, because you are part of the 0.1% that are able to do that. And I think you know, you you've acknowledged you have a growth mindset, and I think that's exactly um what we're describing here is it can be very, very difficult to not listen to that fear and do the scary, uncomfortable thing. But obviously, as we'll go into in a second, obviously that's led to a lot of uh positive changes for you and uh Andy, which is excellent. Well, let's go into kind of specifics because people want to hear it. Um do you remember what your total weight loss is so far?

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Yeah, I've lost 13 kg, which is about two stone, and a lot of inches across various parts of my body, which is great.

Max Lowery 22:38

Which is incredible. And how would you compare losing this weight in this way with the ways you've tried to lose weight in the past? Like, what's the main difference is?

All-Or-Nothing Thinking To Balance

SPEAKER_01 22:48

The main difference is that it's not been difficult. I mean I mean, obviously, there's been lessons that I've learned and there's been difficult times. But before, whenever I did, you know, some sort of diet, it was every day took intentional effort. I'm not gonna do this today, like I won't do that today, or like I'm going out tonight, but I'm gonna be the one person that doesn't drink. Like just felt like a lot of continuous energy to motivate myself to not do something. Whereas, and obviously it's taken work and effort, but this has very much felt like you can do everything that you want to do, but how you're showing up for 80-90% of the time, those healthy habits, though that's where the like the change is gonna be. Um, it's not felt like an effort at in those times because the new habits that I've adopted, I've probably wanted to adopt for years. I've just not known necessarily like how to or not enjoyed doing them before, whereas now they're just kind of second nature.

Max Lowery 23:51

Yeah, so really what you're describing is it's the difference between depending on willpower, hard work and motivation, and setting it setting up your life in a way where weight loss happens automatically. Really quick one for me, guys. I don't run ads on this podcast, and I do aim to give you as many high-value tips and tricks as I can for free. All I ask in return is that you help me spread the word. That way I can help as many people as I can to never die again. The way to do that is to rate, review, and share this podcast. A review will only take 30 seconds, but it would mean the world to me. But more importantly, it could help change the life of someone else. It is hard, but it's hard in a different way. Like it's hard to face ego resistance, right? It's hard to face fears, it's hard to shift the way you process your emotions, it's hard to shift your mindset. Um, but in terms of like the habits that we advise, it's really not that hard. Um, it's you know, if if they're hard, then they need willpower motivation and they don't fit into your life. They have to be easy, effortless, otherwise you don't get the consistency, which is the number one thing that leads to the long-term success. You described earlier that you felt like you're addicted to sugar. What was your what's your relationship with sugar like now?

SPEAKER_01 25:02

I mean, it's just I think the only word I would use is controlled, like it's pancake day today, or we're recording this on pancake day. Yeah. And you know, I'm gonna have a pancake, but that's not gonna set off any kind of spiral or panic or mean that I, well, I've had a pancake today, so I might as well have a pastry tomorrow and I might as well, you know, have chocolate tomorrow night. Like, no, I'm gonna have a pancake today and I'm gonna enjoy it, and that's gonna be it. And I can just like appreciate it for what it is and just keep going, keep moving.

Identity Shifts And Household Habits

Max Lowery 25:35

Yeah, so what you're describing there is also maybe a big mindset shift out of all or nothing thinking. And this is this is the thing, right? Lots of people who consume my content aren't necessarily bought into the idea that the issue is their mindset. Because it's a difficult thing, right? Because if you've been struggling for a long time, it's sometimes easier to, and especially for clients who are over the age of 40, it's easier to blame age, menopause, uh, hormones, etc. And of course, those things may make an impact. Yes, they do. However, in terms of the weight loss, all or nothing thinking is going to lead to overconsumption and lack of consistency. And those two things lead to a drastic increase in calorie intake, which means weight loss is much harder. So it's confronting to maybe accept that, oh, it's actually my mindset that's the issue. And I I know many people uh and I've spoken to many people who aren't ready to accept that because they've been playing the victim for such a long time. Um, for them to suddenly say, oh, well, actually it's not it's not all these external things, it's actually something internal, it's incredibly confronting. However, it's far more empowering because you can change your mindset, you can't change your age, you can't change your hormones, um, you can't change any of that. So, yeah, it's really good to hear that because I think often people think there's some kind of magic potion or some kind of magic hack, but it's actually just changing how you think about um about food and about weight loss and rewiring the damage which was done from diet culture ultimately.

Returning To Work With Confidence

SPEAKER_01 27:02

I agree. I think and I I the one thing I truly think about myself and you know, other women in the community and and people generally who can, if you can change your mindset in spite of all of those things you described, right? Like, you know, hormones, menopause, a lifetime of toxic diet culture. If you can change your mindset after all of that, you literally can do anything. You're so capable of anything. And that's the one time I've cried on my coach was when I had that realization a couple of weeks ago of how far I'd come and that I'd actually I'd done that, and I was like just crying. So I was so proud of myself. Um, it's easy to say now looking back, but when you're in that situation and you have rock bottom and you're desperate, there's just no way that you believe you're capable of that or sustaining that mindset shift. And yeah, it's not easy and it takes hard work, but if you can do it, you can literally do anything. You could literally jump out of a plane, you could climb a mountain, you can get a promotion at work because that is the hardest thing you'll ever have to overcome with yourself for sure.

Max Lowery 28:11

And it's exactly the reason why doing things in non-ideal conditions when things are really hard, that it's so much more rewarding. Because if you've done it when it was easy, and you know, maybe your child was already like five and at school, and you know, and it you weren't at rock bottom, then you're not gonna get the same benefits. But the issue is obviously when you are at rock bottom, as you say, it's very hard to actually get yourself to do it and not give in to that fear. So, yeah, it's been great, great to hear that from you, Rihanna. Um, obviously, you know, the numbers and measurements are great and people like to hear about that. But how how how else has this impacted your life? Could you go into a bit more detail?

Safety, Nervous System, And Routine

SPEAKER_01 28:46

I think just habits that I'm proud of, which was definitely something that was a big motivator for me because especially raising a young daughter, I all of a sudden was like had a different motivator. I I needed her to grow up in a house where she learned from her parents doing healthy behaviours. I think some of the biggest things are we don't drink in the home anymore unless we are hosting like a dinner party. We just don't have alcohol in the home, we don't drink, um, which is different to before, you know, especially when we were both, you know, before I was pregnant and we were both at work, had a stressful day. That's how you come home and like connect and unwind. Um so that's just no longer a part of our routine, let's say. I'm also very intentional about when I drink outside of the home, always trying to set an intention before I know I'm going to meet friends, like, okay, I'm gonna cap it at this, or actually I'm just not gonna cap it today, and like whatever. Um, but I'm it's a constant conversation that I'm having. Movement, I'm walking everywhere, which started off small and like increased the the lighter you get, the easier it gets to walk, and and then you know, the the benefits to your mental health, or and all of a sudden I'm lucky I live in London. You you think, oh, that's only true, like two tube stops away. Like I'll just walk there and I'll be there probably, you know, in the same amount of time. I don't snack, which I think if you'd asked me like eight months ago, looking forward eight months time, if I would be a snacker still, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll still snack. I might lose weight, but I'll still snack. But just don't snack, it's not even a part of my thought process anymore. I eat three meals a day, try to make nutritious choices where I can, but in those three meals, they don't they don't look like picture perfect. They're big portions, but it means I don't snack and I've been losing weight doing it, so it's working. And I drink skim milk. That's the biggest thing. I love coffee, and I always used to um just you know order regular milk. And I don't I just now replace that with skim milk, and now I'm used to it, and it's fine.

Max Lowery 30:54

I love that you said I don't snack because that's very much an identity shift, right? It's not like oh I most of the time I try not to snack. It's it's I don't snack. I'm someone that doesn't snack, and that's very much what we're trying to achieve with our clients is that identity shift when it does become part of who you are. There's no motivation, there's no even thinking. The decisions are made on like a deep um kind of identity level. Uh, and I love to hear that. Um so you've obviously just returned to work as you alluded to at the start. I would love to hear what that experience would have been like if you hadn't started this process. How do you think you'd be feeling heading back to work if you hadn't gone through this this work and had this support?

Owning Appearance Without Shame

SPEAKER_01 31:34

I think there's two levels to that. Like one level is a bit more of a vain level, which I'm happy to admit, but I think I just wouldn't have felt as confident going back into the office and seeing people because I would still be wearing clothes to try and hide myself. Like I would be still probably thinking, oh, what are they thinking about me and my body? Like, um, whereas that's all just been completely removed. Like I actually pick my outfit the night before and I get excited about my outfit, like going to work, which is kind of wild still. Um, and I walk in feeling good, like not thinking, oh, I wonder what people think about what I look like on my outfit, because it doesn't matter to me because I feel good, so that's all that I care about. Um but then the second part of it is is I think where the identity piece is, and it's much more important, um, is these healthy habits that I've established have without a doubt anchored me like through this next phase of change. Like it's hard if you've been out of the workplace for a year, you've had a baby, you've had to use a very different part of your brain, you then have to go back to using the other part of your brain. You feel very vulnerable, um, things have changed at work, you've got to adapt to that. It's a lot of change, like, and then throw in childcare like routines and new rhythms, like commuting. It's a lot, and the but the healthy habits have like been my anchor throughout that, which have made me feel I don't like the wording control, but that's ultimately what it is. It's just made me feel like secure and safe, like okay, everything else might feel a bit wild for a minute until we like figure out a new rhythm. But for now, the things that I can control and the things that I know are gonna make me feel good are not snacking, three meals a day, moving my body. If I can get those done, then um the rest is gonna feel more manageable.

Advice To The Skeptical Listener

Max Lowery 33:38

Yeah, I love that. And I love the fact that you use kind of safe and secure because that's quite a stressful situation, right? Is going back to work, it's all new, things have changed. And what lots of women do when, because obviously they're conscious of trying to lose weight, they're then restricting themselves with food and putting pressure on themselves to continue to lose weight. And that creates more stress. So, what it sounds like, those kind of anchoring habits that you have are a way of kind of to a certain extent uh regulating a nervous system, like consistent mealtimes, fueling yourself properly helps you your body feel safe. And this is very much what we kind of see at the start of the program is the clients we work with are feeling very unsafe. Um, so yeah, I love love to hear you use those words and and hear that impact. And I think I want to touch on what you said about the whole kind of quote unquote vanity thing, because I have to say I do hear this multiple times a day, every day. There's kind of a a downplaying of wanting to look better because people think it's vanity. But for me, I don't, and there's a lot of negative connotations with vanity, right? But for me, I don't think it's vanity at all to want to feel comfortable in your own skin, right? Because that is all you can experience in life. Like you are inside your own head in the body that you're in. And if you feel uncomfortable in that and you don't like what you see in the mirror, that's gonna have a drastic impact on every aspect of your life. It's gonna have a drastic impact on how you show up. So I think you should own that and um not downplay that because the more we kind of shy away from that and say it's vanity, then potentially there's less motivation to do something about it. That's obviously not you, Rian. I'm just talking to anyone who's listening. Uh it's gonna be very hard to be the best version of yourself, to be happy, energized, and confident if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Yeah. No, I hear that. I think, and I think that's probably though still a hangover of all of the things we've talked about previously, right? Like, as well as kind of the patriarchy, like making you feel like you can't no, like, but it's true, like that's what ultimately why a lot of women are struggling in um in these situations, because we're told to that or we you know, we feel we should be looking a certain way, but it's unrealistic, and then so I think the constant strive for that is why people ultimately feel disconnected from themselves. Like no one was teaching us about habits or healthy habits, or you know, we were we were just being taught about restriction in order to look like insert said supermodel or famous person here. Um, so there's just a huge disconnect. So I agree. Like I I totally hear you and I agree. Um, but it it still feels very uncomfortable to admit that like you want to look good or like that you that you're vain or like you want to be a bit more vain, like you want to dress it up a different way.

Max Lowery 36:31

Yeah, and you make a very good point. And I think it's maybe less about how you look, but more how you feel within your body. Yeah. And of course, uh, you know, looks play a part of that. But obviously, if it gets to the point where you're hyper focusing on looking at a way which is completely unrealistic and it's gonna the only way to look like that is to restrict them to private yourself and have you know uh plastic surgery, then yeah, that that's that's not good. But to want to feel good within your own body, um, that's gonna look different for for each individual. And I think you shouldn't people shouldn't shy away from wanting to feel good uh in their in their own bodies and you know to be able to collect wear clothes that they they enjoy wearing and express themselves in that way as well. Final question if you could take yourself back to the the highly skeptical Rihanna who thought I was some kind of uh uh you know um guy play preying on vulnerable women, what would you say to another person having those exact feelings that you're having right now, or you had back then, what would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_01 37:31

It's a great question. Um just do it, like just do it, like trust yourself and just do it. I would want to go on a spiel about fear and how fear's holding you back and nothing, you know, all great things happen on the other side of fear, but I think if someone had like pushed that agenda too hard on me, like at the time I'd have been like, just shut down. I think like just I would just say to someone, just do it, just trust yourself. Like you've got this, um, you can do this, like you've made it this far, you're here, you've had a conversation, just believe in yourself and you can you can do it for sure.

Closing Thanks And Impact

Max Lowery 38:08

Great advice. Excellent, Rihanna. Thank you so much for opening up, being honest, and being vulnerable. These conversations are really powerful to help women who are listening to this podcast. And it's about a thousand downloads as an episode at the moment. So that's a lot of women listening to this. Um, so every time one of our clients has these open discussions, um, it really does help bring hope into women who are, you know, were in your situation about eight months ago. So thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Yeah, no worries. Thanks for chatting.