#111 Victoria lost 30lbs, but that's not what changed her life...

What happens when you've tried every diet, embraced intuitive eating, explored body positivity... and you're still unhappy?

In this powerful client success story, I'm joined by Victoria, who spent years stuck in the same cycle so many women know all too well. She'd tried every diet imaginable before rejecting dieting altogether, only to find herself continuing to gain weight while feeling completely lost. 

Everything changed when she stopped focusing solely on food and started addressing the real reasons she was struggling.

Since joining the Live360 coaching programme, Victoria has lost 30lbs and 7 inches from her waist, but that's only a small part of her transformation.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Why dieting and body positivity both left her feeling stuck 
•  The hidden emotional and psychological causes of weight gain 
•  How stress, burnout and people-pleasing fuel emotional eating 
•  Why weight gain is often a symptom, not the root problem 
•  The role of identity, self-worth and nervous system regulation in lasting weight loss 
•  How overcoming fear allowed Victoria to completely transform her life 
•  Why confidence comes from building evidence, not motivation 

You'll also hear how Victoria made one of the biggest decisions of her life, leaving a high-stress career, moving back to Spain, training as a yoga teacher in Nepal, and rediscovering the adventurous, confident version of herself she'd lost along the way.

This episode isn't just about losing weight.

It's about becoming the person you were always capable of being.

If you've ever thought:

•  "I've tried everything." 
•  "Maybe I'm the one person who can't change." 
•  "I know diets don't work, but I don't know what to do instead." 

...then this conversation will give you hope that lasting change is possible.

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/max.lowery/

Book a Food Freedom Breakthrough Call: https://www.neverdietagainmethod.uk/call-ig

Watch my The Cravings & Fat-Burning Masterclass:  https://www.neverdietagainmethod.uk/register-podcast

Transcript

Victoria’s Story And The Turning Point

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Today's guest came to us like so many women do. She spent years trying every diet out there. Yet she knew deep down that dieting wasn't the answer. So she started exploring intuitive eating, body positivity, and health at any size. But she was still unhappy, still stuck, still gaining weight. And that's when Victoria found this podcast. Initially, she was skeptical. She thought she'd reached the end of the road. What happened next surprised even her. Because she ended up booking for a call with me, joining the program, and changing her life. Since then, she's lost 30 pounds and seven inches from her waist. But that's the least interesting part of this story. Because in this conversation, we talk about emotional eating, self-worth, identity, burnout, people pleasing, nervous system regulation, and why weight gain is a symptom of something much deeper. You'll hear how Victoria went from feeling trapped in a high stress career and disconnected from herself to quitting her job, moving to Spain, training as a yoga teacher in Nepal, hiking mountains, and building a life that actually aligns with who she wants to be. So if you ever felt like you've tried everything and you know diets don't work, but you're not sure what to do instead, and if you're scared that you are the one person who can't change, then this episode is for you. Let's get into it. How do you create a life that allows you to lose weight, eat the foods that you love, and sustain the results? Over the last 10 years, I've helped thousands of people do exactly that. I'm Max Lowry. I'm an author, personal trainer, and weight loss coach. In this podcast, I'm going to share my top tips and tricks from within my one-on-one coaching program. It's my goal to give you the tools and understanding so that you never diet again. Hello, welcome to another episode of the podcast. Today I'm joined by Victoria, one of our amazing clients and now mentor within the Live360 program, which we'll explain later. So, Victoria, I'd love to hear a bit more about what made you reach out to us in the first place. What was the situation for you when you first were considering joining Liv360 and getting some coaching?

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Yeah, so I came from years and years and years of trying loads of different diets. Um I'd put some weight on after university, and from then on, probably any diet you could come up with I'd tried at some point. Um, but I just kept on putting more weight on. And I had eventually reached the point where I understood that those diets weren't helping me, and I'd sort of tried to lean into more understanding more about nutrition and intuitive eating, but it still didn't make any difference whatsoever. It was a bit of a despair situation, really, because I just I knew what wasn't working, but I hadn't got a clue what to do instead. And that's when I came across actually a podcast episode of yours, and suddenly you were saying things that made sense to me, and I was like, oh, there was like a spark of hope, I think, at that moment.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Love that. So you're another amazing podcast listener who is now ending up on the podcast. I absolutely love that. And yeah, I think I remember now you like many women, it sounded like you went from you know dieting restriction, you know, being very wrapped up in diet culture to actually then I think being to correct me if I'm wrong, being more uh in line with body positivity, as you say, intuitive eating. And that obviously I think potentially made you feel better in some ways, but then you were still stuck and the weight wasn't coming off. Is that fair to say?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Yes, exactly that. It it made me feel better for a while because I wasn't in that endless cycle of losing weight, putting it back on. But I wasn't losing any weight, and actually

Trapped Between Diet Culture And Acceptance

SPEAKER_01 3:46

at one point, I think there was a certain amount of feeling shame around wanting to lose some weight. So I kind of ditched it entirely for a while, but it but was still really unhappy in my body and with my weight, how it was making me feel. So yeah, I was just really stuck.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Yeah, and to win this, I've had many conversations with women in similar situations, and actually, one of my reels has gone viral, a bit viral for me. It's got almost a million uh views, it's got a lot more followers, is it's literally a pit uh like a short video of me drinking a beer, and it says, This account, something along the lines of this account is for you if you don't want to diet, um, but equally you don't want to accept you know where you are now. And I think there are many women who are kind of trapped in between the two, like they they know dieting isn't for them, they know it isn't gonna work, but they don't really know what else to do, and they've kind of tried to accept it, but you know, fundamentally they are unhappy with the situation, and there's nothing wrong with that, right? And I the one thing I hear all the time from women is they downplay the kind of wanting to look better and wanting to be more confident because they think it's vanity for me personally. I think how you feel within your own skin and being confident in yourself is fundamental to mental health and happiness. So I don't think it's vanity at all.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Oh, I completely agree. And I've experienced the positive effects of that now, where you know, and you want to look after yourself more when you feel good about yourself and you feel confident. Exactly. Virtuous cycle.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

And really, I think for me personally, and I don't know if you, you know, having been through this progress, if you agree with this, Victoria, but I I believe that weight gain isn't the real issue, it's a symptom of underlying problems, and that could be with your nervous system, it could be with self-esteem, it could be with limiting beliefs, it could be with your identity, it can be with your relationship with food, and by just kind of giving in to uh body positivity, which there's a lot that is really good about body positivity, but by kind of embracing that, you are then preventing yourself from working in some of these root causes and the and those root causes can help you lose weight, but also improve other areas of your life. Is that something that you've you've um realized and seen for yourself?

SPEAKER_01 6:06

100%. I mean, really, there were so many issues underlying my weight gain that as I've gradually been able to start unpicking them and understanding them and healing from them, really, have just completely changed my life. And so I guess the weight was like a small symptom of a lot of other things. And when I was at the point of trying to really lean into body positivity, well, it was almost impossible because people were saying all these things. But I was like, how how do I even do that when I feel so horrible about myself?

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yeah, yeah. I think it's it means well, you know, intuitive eating is the goal for all of our clients, right? But you can't go from diet culture where you're restricting, depriving yourself, not fueling yourself properly, not trusting yourself, completely disconnected from natural feelings of hunger, to overnight thinking you can just like eat intuitively and listen to your body. You have to go through a process in order to get to that stage, because that's what we want for all our clients, but it's not going to happen uh overnight. And I think the the thing of self-esteem, and and you know, I truly believe that developing self self-esteem and loving yourself is about showing up for yourself and prioritize, prioritizing yourself and setting boundaries. Um, and I think again, if you kind of lean into body positivity too much, then you potentially you don't do any of those things. You just kind of I would say it's surrendering rather than um being an empowering thing to do. It's it's your surrendering to the situation and just and just giving up, which um I completely understand why it happens because there aren't many people who do what we do. So it can seem like there's no other option. But it was you know great that you did come across the podcast and maybe, as you say, spark that seed of hope that maybe there is a middle ground. Maybe you can enjoy food, enjoy life, and lose weight at the same time. It doesn't have to be either or.

Scepticism Trust And The Decision

SPEAKER_00 8:09

So I would love to hear if there was any skepticism. Um, because obviously you listened to the podcast, you know, you said it did spark that speed of hope. Was there any kind of negativity or um doubt uh that was that was there as well?

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Um, yeah, definitely. There was well several different parts to it, really. I mean, there was the part that thought, is this just another diet that sort of under a prettier banner, if you like, or it all sounds great, but it's just gonna be something else that I'm gonna fail at? So there's that element of like, will it really work? And then uh definitely um when I was in the call with it was with you actually, um and having to make a decision whether to commit or not, did cross my mind. I was like, is this even is this even real? Is it a scam? And I actually had to go and quickly Google you to make sure you're a real person and not some random person on the internet that was trying to just take my money. Um so yeah, that was a bit of a scary moment. So I was like, What have I done? Obviously, now I know that was absolutely fine, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Yeah, and I think you know, people should be skeptical. There are a lot of people out there who do only want to take your money, who, as you say, say all the right things, but then you get in and you realize it's just the same as everything else, which you you know doesn't work. Um, but yeah, I would say probably skepticism and a lack of trust is the biggest blocker for for I think the women that I speak to and who maybe listens to this podcast, they're probably thinking exactly the same thing. Like, you know, oh, this sounds really good, but it's not gonna work for me. How do I know this is real? Um, so I think it's a combination of the skepticism and the lack of trust, but also not really knowing what this is and how it works, because lots of the women we work with have done, like yourself, done different diets, work with coaches. They're kind of thinking, like, what more is a coach going to teach me, right? Like, what more can I learn? Was there anything uh was that like was it a bit like that for you, Victoria?

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yes, it it was, and in fact, I I would bring it up quite a lot in my in the early days in my coaching course. I I would say, like, I just think that I'm gonna be the one person that this doesn't work for. So even though there was a lot of evidence that it worked for w for lots of women and they'd done amazing things, I was still convinced that uh I'd be the one person that uh just would fail at it. Yeah, I think he said to me once, it's like, well, you don't you don't have evidence that you can do it yet, but you will have and I think having those people holding that trust for you when you didn't have it in yourself was really, really powerful.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Yeah, that's exactly it. Um and I think you know, I speak to maybe three or four different women every single day about joining the program, and about 60% of those women I might offer a spot, and every single one of them, without doubt, feels exactly the same. This sounds really good, but I'm afraid this isn't gonna work. And I think, you know, if you're listening to this podcast right now, you might be having that same fear. But the the good news is our best success stories, the women who end up on this podcast, like Victoria, felt exactly like that as well. But the what the difference between the women who join the program and the ones who um who don't are ultimately the ones who decide to do it despite the fear, you know. Um, I think there's this big misconception that people who do big amazing things don't feel fear. They absolutely do, they just do it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yeah, absolutely. And I think for me it was also it felt like because I tried so many different things and it hadn't worked, it almost felt like a last chance. And I was like, it was particularly terrifying for that reason because I thought if this doesn't work, then I literally have no hope after that.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Yeah. And yeah, that's again something I hear um almost every day. We would probably call that I understand why there the feelings are there, but it's it's what we call all or nothing thinking, um, which obviously we help our clients with. Uh, but yeah, it can feel like that for sure. So, you know, obviously you did uh work with us. Um what would you say, you know, if you could kind of really summarise how this is different

What Makes The Coaching Different

SPEAKER_00 12:33

to what you did before, like what would be the key things that come to mind for you, Victoria?

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Well, first, that there were no sort of strict rules around restricting sort of types of food, which I would have found very triggering from my past experiences. Um a really safe, really kind of kind, empathetic environment. There was no sort of uh food shaming, which uh or weight shaming or anything like that, which you sometimes get. Um the community just to have the support of so many amazing women going through uh similar circumstances to you, seeing their uh, you know, uh amazing wins and progress, but also you know, us all sharing our struggles and helping each other out like that. I think that was uh really different. Uh um and having the ongoing support of uh a coach uh regularly, because anything I'd done before, there was sort of very small touch-ins, whereas this was like actual genuine week-on-week support. So you didn't uh you weren't there floundering or wondering what to do next, or you always had somebody to to reach out to.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

It always surprises me because as I said, I do speak to you know two, three, four women every single day, and they'll be like, Oh, you know, I've had coaching before. And I'm like, okay, cool, like, you know, what did that look like? What level of support and accountability do you get? And they were like, Oh, you know, there were check-ins. I'm like, oh, so you were speaking to someone one-on-one, like exactly like we're talking right now. And they're like, oh no, no, it was like a WhatsApp I got, you know, once a week from someone. I'm like, okay, so there was no one-on-one conversations at all. Uh oh, yeah, there was at the start when, you know, they wanted to get me in the program, and there wasn't there was one at the end where you know they wanted to keep me in the program. And so, you know, I think for some women, for sure, maybe that's all the support that you need. Like that might work, but you know, for the women that I speak to who have been dieting for many, many years, um, who have grown up in a family where emotional eating, where again, diet culture and labeling foods is normal. So it's really like deeply embedded in your subconscious from a very young age, and then um exacerbated and perpetuated by doing different diets. Uh, and then obviously you have the changes of the perimenopause and menopause on top of these things uh and and the stress of life. I think they need more than uh a random WhatsApp, which most likely now is going to be AI generated anyway. Um, you know, you're not actually speaking to a real person, you're just a number. Um, you know, the weekly support is is the only way to really do this effectively. So yeah, it's great that you've really experienced that.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Yeah, I and I I I very much needed that sort of, I guess it was not hand holding in a sort of paternalistic way, but it but just that that person that really, you know, cares about your progress and is checking in with you and helping you solve any problems just as they come up. Um yeah, that was invaluable for me.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Really quick one for me, guys. I don't run ads on this podcast, and I do aim to give you as many high-value tips and tricks as I can for free. All I ask in return is that you help me spread the word. That way I can help as many

The Results That Change Self-Image

SPEAKER_00 16:00

people as I can to never die again. The way to do that is to rate, review, and share this podcast. A review will only take 30 seconds, but it would mean the world to me, but more importantly, it could help change the life of someone else. Was there anything that surprised you about the program that you weren't kind of expecting?

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Well, I think the thing that surprised me was uh how much more the program gave me than I was expecting. So if you like, it was everything I didn't know I needed. Um obviously I entered with uh desire for some weight loss, but I've gained so, so much more. I mean, it's completely transformed my life in so many ways. I definitely wasn't expecting that. I was just hoping to lose some weight.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Yes. Um, and to be honest, again, I think this is the thing I struggle with the most is you don't know what you don't know. Right. And I think this is where everyone is at the start of their their journeys. Obviously, they cut they come in very focused on the weight loss and thinking they know what they need to do and what they need to address, but in reality they've got no idea what the problem is, really, and the impact that this could have. So, yeah, let's kind of talk about that. So, I mean, first of all, Victoria, people do want to know numbers. Um, do you know what how much weight you've lost so far?

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Yeah, since well, since starting, I've lost 30 pounds and seven inches from around my waist.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

And how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Oh, I feel amazing. You probably remember me saying to you once that I still walked into shops and found myself uh avoiding all the mirrors. Um and now I don't. I've gone down some dress sizes, I actually enjoy shopping again. That's been so much fun. Um and I feel good in the clothes I'm wearing.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

So if you could go back in time and uh tell that to the Victoria who was just about to start the programme, what do you think she would say?

SPEAKER_01 18:09

I don't think she would have believed it. She would have felt probably almost envy at the idea that somebody could get there but not believe that it could be her.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Yeah, so really powerful. And you know, really, you know, the numbers are great and people want to hear about that, but this is just really scratching the surface of the impact this has had on your life, Victoria. So yeah, I would love to um go a bit deeper and expand a bit more. So obviously, you just alluded to like this has improved your life in ways that you didn't even realise. Could you expand on that, please?

Work Stress People Pleasing And Emotional Eating

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Yeah, just so many things. I mean, I think um well, the biggest thing for me uh has been uh completely changing my life. Um I was in a very high stress uh work environment and I I had actually made work my complete identity, but some way through this programme I realised that not only was my work not supporting my health goals and the life I wanted to lead, it was actually seriously hindering it. Um I did reach to the point where I I was getting very close to making myself ill. Um and thankfully I was with support and a bit of bravery. Um I decided to to give all of that up. I I quit my job, I sold my house, and I moved back to uh my home village in Spain, which is beautiful. My family is still here. Um and I'm currently on a sabbatical. I've been traveling, I've trained as a yoga teacher, done lots of really fun things, and it's been incredible. I've been able to enjoy physical exercise, which I never had, had a massive block with that. But going up mountains, I love hiking now, uh love being out in nature, and when I can walk up the mountain and feel strong, that feels incredible. And I felt more adventurous and tried new things like paddle boarding and all sorts. So that's yeah, that's been really just fun to kind of I guess rediscover that side of myself that I was as a kid, really, I'd lost somewhere along the way.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Incredible to hear, Victoria. And there's quite a few things I want to go into a bit more detail there. Um, so we'll kind of take it step by step. So, you know, I know that there are for sure hundreds, if not thousands, of women who are listening to this podcast who may be in a similar situation to what you were at work. Um, could you would you mind going to a bit more detail about what you meant when you said work was my identity and how it was actually uh impacting health? Like what what was that like at the time? Um, how did you feel? What was your relationship with food during that period? Like, yeah, could you expand a bit on that, please?

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Of course. Yeah, so work over the years had become this it was what I was good at. So I put all my focus and attention into it, and I guess I got the validation from that, where you know I got multiple promotions at work, and I was doing really, really well in my career, so I felt successful, so that kind of became a badge of honour. I mean, I even remember saying the pride quite often that I'd never taken a day off sick in 10 years. I was like, word on me, now I know differently. Um and I just gave it so much of myself, everything else would take a back seat. Um there was probably a lot of people pleasing in there as well, like anything people asked me to do. It was my kind of part of my identity to be like, yeah, I'm super amino. I do everything, I get everything done, I cope with everything. And actually, even being busy and having stress for quite a long time felt like that was good. It was a sign that I was doing really well at work. Because look at me, I'm running from pillar to post all the time. But actually, what it was doing was just distracting me from the rest of my life and things that I was maybe missing. And certainly when it comes to my relationship with food, it was well, it was disastrous really because I would use being busy as an excuse to eat really badly most of the time. Or being I've had a really stressful day at work. I deserve to treat myself to a takeaway, for example. Or I'm just too busy, what could I possibly do about it? I'll just grab this snack, it's not my fault. So yeah, all of those things I could go on forever.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

I yeah, I know for sure lots of women are gonna potentially resonate with that. And I think it can be really difficult to address those deeper issues of identity and people pleasing and setting boundaries if you're very much kind of preoccupied by just what you see in the mirror right now. Um and I think this is kind of a typical journey we see with our clients as they initially come in for the kind of what they're what what's right in front of them, which is their weight, and they're unhappy with that. And then you start down this process of just asking yourself questions. Um, you know, it's really that's all it is. We're I'm not like Victoria, you need to quit your job. Um, is we we we encourage our clients to ask themselves difficult questions ultimately. And I think for a lot for a lot of them, they're too busy to ask themselves the difficult questions, but also they avoid asking themselves the difficult questions because they maybe know where that leads. Um, and it can be uncomfortable and potentially distressing to ask those questions because what we have to understand is our brains and our nervous systems don't like change, even if change is positive, even if change leads to happy being happier, more confidence, being more fulfilled, having more purpose, being more aligned, it doesn't really matter. Our brains and our nervous systems don't like change. So what will happen is you'll subconsciously avoid asking yourself these questions because you know it's going to lead, gonna potentially lead to big, scary change, even if that's change leads to positive outcomes. So, what I love about all the women that we work with is that they very much embraced the fact that, yeah, change is scary, but actually staying stuck is more scary. Uh, and I think that's definitely what I've seen with you, Victoria. It's just been this I remember having a conversation because this hasn't been a quick process, right? This has been gradual over time, and it has been this case of gradually realizations coming. Like you you tried to change things at work initially. I think you had conversations, you know, you you you you made stats, but you realized at some point nothing's gonna change here. Um, so you've got this choice of do I continue to stay here um and actually ruin my health and happiness, or do I break free? And it sounded like obviously you made that decision to break free.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Yes, I mean it it it became quite clear to me that I wasn't heading anywhere good. I mean, when you're sort of crying in a cubicle halfway through the day, it's not a great sign. And and actually felt completely because I'm I'm quite a strong, resilient person, so it just didn't feel like me at all. And I think I just realized that something had to change. Um, I couldn't keep on in those loops of trying to make small changes and just nothing really changing, and and actually I needed to put myself first.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

And that is huge, Victoria. You know, most people won't would not do what you did. So, really, hats off to you for stepping into the unknown, for doing the big, scary, uncomfortable thing, which ultimately has led to even more rewarding things. So I would love to hear, and you know, alluded to a few things, but like since you've quit your job and moved back to Spain, what have you been up to? And yeah, what have you been up to? What have you been doing?

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Well, actually, when I first moved back, I didn't do anything major. So I moved back into my my family village, as I said, um,

Nervous System State Creates Your Reality

SPEAKER_01 26:28

close to my uh my mum, my sister, my nieces, which has been lovely. And I had grand plans straight away to head off travelling all over the world. Um, but what I found when I got back is that I just needed to stay still for a bit. And I think one of the biggest realisations that I've had is that from a nervous system perspective, just because you've turned off the stressor, if you like, it doesn't mean that you within a few weeks you just completely bounce back and you're back to normal and everything's fine. It actually took months for me to feel more like my old self. Um, obviously that's just my that was just my journey. Uh but I just for for the first half of the year, I just was spending time with family, enjoying being back here. It's actually beautiful. I didn't appreciate it when I was in my twenties. Loads of beautiful mountains and walks and hikes and just enjoying the Spanish lifestyle, which is incredible. And then I um I had this dream for a while of going to Nepal to do a yoga teacher training course. So I did that in February this year. That was an absolutely incredible experience. Um, I was there for a month and a half in the end. Um and since then, yeah, I've been I've been retraining, I'm studying some new things that I've got interest in, and having a few little adventures like our retreat, just sort of bits of bobs like that. It's been really great.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Yeah, thanks for sharing. And again, I want to kind of take those step by step because there's quite a lot of interesting things there. But yeah, what you said about the nervous system is a hundred percent true. I think people have this idea that stress is something that happens to them. It's kind of external. And yes, of course, life throws stressors at you. You know, you had your job was creating stress for you. But I think what people don't realize is stress is a two-way thing. It's not just the external stress, it's the internal reaction to that stress. And actually, you what you'll often find is the internal reaction, the internal stress is is often worse than the external stress because it can make the external stress even worse. So it becomes this kind of negative feedback loop. Um, you know, in an example of uh my life, um, I had I've you know I've spoken about this on the podcast. If you want to hear more about this story in particular, go and listen to the one with Ed Halliwell and mindfulness. But I had a breakdown and burnout. Um, I'd never suffered from mental health issues before. It was not, it was not something I related to when people described like burnout or things like that. And it was because I did have some external stress on me. I had um, you know, I was trying to run a business, like, you know, I'm my own boss, I've got clients, I you know, I've got a lot a lot going on. At the same time, we were renovating our house, and which is we'd never done before, and it was a huge job. And then I had a death in the family at the same time. So I had these external things happen, and I had basically breakdown burnout. Um, but uh what I learned through that period is that actually my internal reaction and my internal environment, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs were making those situations worse. And my my thoughts were putting a ton of pressure on myself. This has to be perfect, I need to do this, I need to do this in the house. I'm like, this has to be finished by this date, or this hypothetical bad thing will happen. And then obviously, death and the family, I think, was the straw that kind of broke the camel's back. So, yeah, it's really interesting to hear you say that, um, Victoria, that yeah, just because suddenly those the external stresses disappear, you've still got to work on the internal uh and rebalance yourself.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Yeah, I can really, really relate to that. And I'm actually, it was one of the interesting realizations I had coming out of that was understanding what part work actually played in my stress and what part my own pressure that I put on myself had played. And yeah, that was really helpful to work through as well.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Yeah, there's a great um, I heard a very good Instagram reel that put this really well, and I'm gonna try and uh not butcher it now. I'll try and do the best that I can. But what he was saying is that your state creates your reality. So when you say your state, it's your nervous system state, it's your emotional state. And here's an example of that. So you could have two people who work for the same boss, the same organization, receive the same text at the same time from the same boss saying the same thing. And that text says, we need to talk. Person A is gonna think, yes, I'm getting a promotion, because that person, for whatever reason, in their state and in their previous experience, um, has had uh uh um experiences of, oh yes, this, you know, but this is positive and this means all good things. Whereas person number two is gonna think, oh my god, what have I done? I'm gonna be fired, I've done something wrong. Uh, and to feel something completely different because of their state, because of their previous experience. And so, how is it that you know two people received the same text saying the same thing from the same person at the same time, have two completely different experiences and two ultimately completely different realities? And that's because our state creates our reality, our state creates our stories ultimately. And so really, this is the work we do with our clients ultimately. Um, you can't often change the external. You mean you can in a big way, obviously you've quit, but sometimes you, you know, you quit your job, etc., left your job. But a lot of the time you maybe can't do that for whatever reason. And so it the work is realizing, right, I can't control that, but what can I control? Oh, I can maybe look at any cognitive distortions I have, like people pleasing and um all or nothing thinking, perfectionism, lack of boundary setting, catastrophizing, mind reading, fortune telling, as a whole host of things which potentially might be making that external situation even worse. And I think that's exactly the right thing to do as well. Like I'm definitely someone, if I'd had the same break, would have been like, oh, I need to do this, I need to do this, I need to do this, I need to do this, and obviously just remained as dysregulated and out of control and stress as as as possible. So that's really great that you actually lent into that and actually took the pressure off. And I think that has then had a huge impact on where you are now.

Yoga Training Building Evidence You Can

SPEAKER_00 32:55

So talk to me a bit more about this yoga retreat, um, the yoga course. What was that like? And again, what would the version of you who was about to start this program think about you doing that?

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Oh, the older version of me wouldn't have even considered it because she just wouldn't have thought she could do it. Um that for starters. Um it was something so different to anything I'd ever done. I mean, everybody around me that knew me were just like they were they were loving it, but they were also kind of amazed that I was even considering it going on my own across the world to do this course. Um so it's basically a month and you live in the same place with the same people, and you you have classes um all day long mostly. Um and obviously there's a lot more to yoga than practice the poses. Uh so that was fascinating to learn about all the philosophy and everything. But I'm gonna be honest, the first week I was there, I thought, Victoria, what on earth have you done? Because I went from somebody that's actually has almost you could say a phobia of exercise to um having to exercise probably for about two, three hours a day. And it was it was tough. Um it was really tough. Um but the environment was incredibly supportive, the people around me were incredible, it was obviously other people also struggling, and there was a lot that you they talk about that a lot. It's like it's your mind that's telling you that you can't do this. Um and gradually I started to really enjoy it and I could start to see the changes. I mean, I think I told you I ended up being able to do a headstand by the end, and it's just a gimmick in a way, isn't it? But it was just a sign of wow, I definitely didn't think I could do that. So I would have thought it was impossible. Um yeah, I felt stronger, I felt healthier. It was just one of the best experiences, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Yeah, and I think that's really interesting. You say that they were pointing out that this is just your mind telling you you can't do it. And you know, you used the word uh evidence earlier. And I think, you know, the way that this works is if you're listening to this podcast, likely right now you've got a ton of evidence that you can't do this, that you can't lose weight, that you can't be consistent, that you can't improve your relationship with food. And so every time you try and change it, there's gonna be this voice in your head which is saying, why are you even bothering? Like this is not you, you can't do this. And that is actually that's not your brain um misfiring. That's actually your brain functioning in exactly the way that it's designed to function. It's constantly looking ahead and thinking, well, but uh it's actually constantly looking backwards in order to predict what's gonna happen in the future and protect yourself from danger. And so obviously, every time that you lose weight and put it uh and put it back on, every time you fail at something, that is a threat and danger and stress and uh and a little bit traumatic for your nervous system. So it's trying to protect you, it's trying to say, like, no, don't do that thing because you can't do it. You know you can't do it. And so, whilst that served a purpose when there were tigers and lions and we were running away from uh, you know, from real physical danger, in the modern world, it can still serve you, but actually it can it can hold you back because you then don't do the things. And so, what I'm hearing is, Victoria, is that um bit by bit you have been building up evidence that you are who you say you are and that you can do hard things, especially when it comes to exercise. So obviously you experienced that on the yoga retreat, but then I would love for

The Mountain Moment And Identity Lag

SPEAKER_00 36:39

you to go into a bit more detail about the retreat that we did in the Pyrenees. Um, so just for some context, once a year we do a retreat here in the Pyrenees where I live for our longer-term mastery clients. Um, Victoria's been on two, and we both we had the most recent one just two or three weeks ago. So I would love for you to give some context about firstly what happened on that retreat, like what did we do? Um, but secondly, this experience you had to close to the summit of this mountain.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

Yeah, I mean the retreat was incredible all around, but yeah, so on our first full day, we um were going on a hike up the Costa Bona, up to the Costa Bona Peak. So we knew it was gonna be a slightly more challenging one than the year before. Um so that there was some there was definitely some fear there, but I had been training for it. I was still thinking this is gonna be really, really hard. Um, because we had about I think it was about 1,300 metres of ascent to do. Um so but we all headed off, and as you know, we were doing some exercises around mindset, which were helpful. Um and actually right from the get-go, we were because the the uh uh the terrain changed quite a lot, and the initial bit was sort of woods, wasn't it? And we were sort of zigzagging up, but it was constantly up for the first half of the hike, and certainly for that part, I wasn't even struggling at all, and I couldn't believe it, and I kept on checking in with myself, and I was like, No, you're actually genuinely not struggling to walk up here, which was almost unbelievable for me. But then we got to sort of the second part of the ascent, which was a lot tougher, I think it was about 30% gradient, you said, at the time. And again, obviously those fears kicked in, and it was a lot, a lot harder. But I just was walking up one step at a time, and suddenly this just really great feeling came over me. Because I just thought, no, I can do this. If this is as bad as it gets, this I can do this. I'm going to be okay. I can I can get up there. Whereas before I had visions of me being the one right down the bottom of the mountain, saying I can't do this, I'm gonna somebody's gonna have to airlift me down. But yeah, I realized I could I could. And then I thought, well, how many other things can I do that I didn't think I could do?

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Which is so powerful. And I think at the time you also said you've it wasn't just a realization in your head, you kind of felt it in your body. Could you describe kind of what that was like?

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Well, I think it actually came up in my body before it came up in my mind. It was just uh it was just a sense of happiness and contentment. I was like, ah, this is amazing. And then I thought that's when then the thoughts came, but it was, yeah, it was just a just a really nice warm feeling of happiness, probably is the best way to describe it.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

Yeah, and that's this is so powerful because I think I'm just gonna give my perception and my hypothesis of exactly what happened in that moment. And this is based off my own experience, but also, you know, having worked with earth, you know, thousands of women over the last 12 years, is that initially when you start this process of change, you basically kind of have to fake it until you make it. You have to kind of tell yourself, like, yes, I can do this. Like logically, I know I can do this, even if emotionally, on a deeper kind of nervous system identity level, that that they're thinking, they're contradicting it, saying, like, no, you you can't do this. You've got loads of evidence that you can't do this. So initially, you have to kind of override that. And then you start to build that evidence gradually over time. And this can take time. Like lots of our clients really struggle to embody the progress that they're making and notice and and take on board the progress that they're making because there's so much negativity and so much baggage and evidence, um, which is there. And the more you build that evidence, eventually you get to this point where everything is aligned. And it's an embodied experience where it's no longer this fight between your brain saying, I know I can do this logically, but then deep down you're like, I don't really believe that, to suddenly being firing in all cylinders, and there is that alignment of you truly believe you can do it, you've got all this evidence, there's no questioning it anymore. Um, and I think that's potentially kind of what happened uh at that moment in time, Victoria. Does that sound sound right? Do you think?

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Yeah, I think that sounds exactly right, actually. It's almost like you've slowly been becoming this different version of yourself. And at some point your brain is still stuck in telling you that you're the older version, and then it's like it suddenly catches up and the two come together, um and you're like, no, this is the person I am now. Um and that's yeah, really incredible.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Yeah, there is actually a term for it, it's called identity lag, you know, and you could you lose a decent amount of weight, you could make these changes, but your identity hasn't caught up to the fact that you're still that you are a different person now, that you are no longer the person you were before. And really, the only way that you'll achieve long-term success is if you do shift your identity, if you do become that person. Because if you make these changes while still believing you are the old version of yourself, you will always revert back to your existing behavior. And shifting your identity is difficult. Your identity doesn't want to change, your identity doesn't want to be shifted. So it's going to do all sorts of things to keep you stuck. It's going to tell you now is the right time. Oh, you know, um, I'm different uh to what Max is offering, I'm I'm different to Max's uh clients. Um, you know, I I I can't prioritize myself. I, you know, all these kinds of things. It's good, it's basically fear disguised as what sounds like logic. It sounds logical, but in fact, it's fear which keeps you stuck. So, you know, this is what I mean when I say working with us. I tell every woman before starting that working with us is hard. This is a hard thing to do. It's not hard in terms of restriction and deprivation and cutting out your favorite foods and punishing yourself, not like that, but to really change your behavior, to really shift your identity, to really um go against your re your wiring and your automatic patterns is hard, and you're gonna be faced with lots of internal resistance. And I know for a fact, Victoria, you have been through a lot of internal resistance through this entire process. Is that fair to say?

SPEAKER_01 43:09

That's very fair to say, yes. It's been lots of ups and downs, lots of back and forth, lots of I can't do this, I'm gonna be what fails. Um, but it always stuck with me when you you said to me once, the only way you can fail is if you give up. And there was this little voice in the back of my head constantly when I was I've been ready to give up quite a few number of times, but that voice just kept on coming back and be like, no, just keep going, trust the process. And yeah, and actually I had a realise you were talking about fear, I just had a realization when you were saying that. It's like I've no longer got any fear that I'm gonna go back to where I was, and when I eventually leave the program, start putting weight back on or anything, it's it's not there anymore. It I won't go back there.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

Yeah, and I think um again, that is because you've got all this proof now and you've had that embodied alignment um that the doubts, you know, uh aren't there in the same way that they were before, and that's exactly

Advice For Fearful Beginners And Closing

SPEAKER_00 44:08

what we want. Um so yeah, Victoria, what would you say to anyone who is listening to this podcast who felt like you did at the start, who is, you know, maybe thinking, like, yeah, this sounds like exactly what I need to do, although I'm scared, or now isn't the right time, or is this a scam? Like, what would you say to that person, Victoria?

SPEAKER_01 44:28

Well, first it's definitely not a scam. Um let's clear that one up. Um I genuinely believe that uh it's the best thing you could ever do for yourself, and it is, it it's about putting yourself first, and it does feel scary, and it can often feel like it's the wrong time. But when is the right time to start prioritizing yourself and leading the life that you really, really want, rather than it being this dream? And I think this program does that for you in so many different ways. Everybody will obviously come into it with different needs and goals, but it gives you so much more than you could ever imagine. And I can't see how anybody could ever regret joining and going through this process.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

Well, thanks for that feedback, Victoria. It's great to hear that. Um, and ultimately, everything that we've spoken about on this podcast is why I do what I do. Like if this was just purely about weight loss where all I'm looking for is before and after photos and all that kind of stuff, I wouldn't do it, basically. It's it that's not what this is about. The weight loss is a is a nice byproduct of addressing these root causes. And when you address these root causes, you don't just lose weight. All the things that we've described in this call can happen. And also, just for anyone listening, you don't have to quit your job, you don't have to get a divorce, you don't have to do these things, right? That's not what we're saying. Um, but it's just about asking yourself questions um and being able to do that with with experts who truly understand your situation, who are helping, you know, and have helped thousands of other women in the exact same situation is a very powerful way um to do that. So, yeah, thank you so much for for sharing, Victoria. It's been great to hear your story and um looking forward to seeing what happens next.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

Thank you.