A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Look forward to time with these two women who have life experience and something to say! Join us each week as we dive into topics that may be raw, unfiltered, funny and even a little controversial. Whatever we discuss will give you our perspective, get you thinking and will keep you coming back for more!
A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Episode 40: Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard: Adult Aggressors and Silent Victims
Have you ever wondered why society quietly accepts bullying when it comes from an adult, felt the prick of passive-aggressive comments or the pang of dealing with a monstrous boss? In our latest podcast episode, we discuss adult bullying, unmasking the traits and demystifying societal acceptance of such behaviors. We share personal encounters with bullies in various forms, be it road rage or a toxic boss' behavior, transporting you through our unique experiences and reflections.
A deep-dive into the types of adult bullying reveals the subtlety and starkness of these faceless tormentors we often encounter. You'll meet the 'Karens' of the world, the verbal bullies, and the passive-aggressors who lurk in the corners of our everyday encounters. We unveil how the sinister act of gaslighting can lead victims into doubting themselves, and how alcohol abuse can fuel such inexcusable conduct.
However, it’s not all doom and gloom! We move beyond identifying the issue and delve into the practical aspects of dealing with bullies. From maintaining composure during road rage incidents to the peril of engaging with bullies, we line up a series of useful advice and personal anecdotes. We spotlight the pressing issue of domestic violence, shedding light on its impact on mental and emotional health, and the importance of trusting oneself and seeking help. We hope this episode sparks important discussions about adult bullying. Please don’t hesitate to share your own stories or perspectives on this critical issue!
One, two, three, four. Hey everybody, this is.
Speaker 2:Michelle, and this is Julie, and we are here today in our studio chit-chatting away. Yeah, how's it going? It's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Seahawks have a bye this week, so we're recording in the middle of the day on a Sunday.
Speaker 1:And you know what we did yesterday was pretty special.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Tell everybody, tell everybody.
Speaker 2:I mean, they might think it's weird, but I don't, I don't think it's. We'll put pictures up. Yeah, we actually already did. Yeah, I know, but when we post the episode.
Speaker 1:You know we have a little area out in the back garden that has been dedicated to the dogs. Julie has a handful.
Speaker 2:Well, I've been saving them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a pet cemetery, not like Stephen King's pet cemetery, but we got rocks from the river and then from the beach down on Richmond Beach and we had these little plaques made for each dog, and so some of you guys might know, but Michelle lost Lotto not that long ago and so I surprised her and got her the coolest little flak and it has this picture on it. Yeah, it's just gorgeous.
Speaker 1:She's such a sweetheart, yeah.
Speaker 2:But he's the man of the house, so he got the one with the picture. The other ones are mine Sophie, lambeau and Gia, and they've all been gone for a while, so I've had their ashes just sitting in the closet. My mom had Sophie because Sophie was the OG. She'd been around for a long time, so my mom kept her ashes. I don't know if she thought I was going to lose them or what, but she kept her ashes.
Speaker 1:It's not like you were going to say ashes, they kept her ashes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Michelle put it up on our story just so you guys could kind of see what we're doing. But we'll post some pictures when we put this episode out. So we're going to put an episode today out for all of you listeners on Bullies. God damn Bullies. Okay, specifically, though, I mean we all know there's kid bullies, right?
Speaker 1:Well, I just now, in that moment, thought of Nelly on Little House and the Prairie.
Speaker 2:Oh, she was a total bully.
Speaker 1:The one with the little blonde ringlet. Yes, she was a beat-off to that girl.
Speaker 2:There's usually a protagonist and an antagonist, you know, in any of those like books or shows. And yeah, she was. She was a bully, she was a total bully.
Speaker 2:So, as we all know, kid bullies have a lot of stuff going on that make them bullies, and a lot of it's insecurity or they're not. You know there might be other shit going on, who knows? One of my kids was a little bit of a bully when he was younger and I think that was okay. Now you know it's one of the boys, but anyway, I think that he was struggling with a lot of stuff and it kind of came out in that way and he's not a bully anymore.
Speaker 2:So I'm very grateful, far from it. Yeah, he's so sweet now. But kid bullies grow up into adult bullies and we don't really talk about how this impacts people as adults or what they're dealing with. I mean we've talked about well, we'll get into it a little bit but usually it's the workplace a lot of the time, or in family dynamics. You might run across that too, where you've got one sibling or the dad or the mom or whatever that are kind of bullying to the other people. But we are going to talk about the different types of bullies and you will see if any of this resonates with you, and then after that we want to talk about what you can do to kind of combat some of that.
Speaker 1:I was just before we started recording. I was telling Julie I think in the adult arena you could replace the word bully with harassment. You know, I think you hear a lot about bullying nowadays. I want to use that term, but I think there is so much of it out there.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:Harassment and bullying.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, it's a control thing. You know you find people that are bullying is usually because they are really persistent about wanting to get something the way they want it to be.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to say their way, their way, yeah, my way, or the highway, and so there's a lot of personality traits that probably go along with bullies, but they're really just adult.
Speaker 2:kids have probably experienced it themselves and they haven't broken the pattern, you know, or they've experienced it then they were bullies and now they're adult bullies. But it really kind of comes into play in different types of scenarios. When you're a grown up, because you're having to behave really probably differently in order to be even accepted in society, You're not going to act like an immature child, but you might do things that are bullying types of behaviors that would be a little bit more uh, I wouldn't say accepted, but not.
Speaker 1:Tolerating, Tolerated yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you've seen that you. Some of you may have seen that in your workplaces where you've had bosses that have, you know, demeaned or little belittled the coworkers and nobody really says anything because they don't want to get fired. Yeah, Um, there's others that will stand up and they might get fired. But who the hell would want to work for somebody?
Speaker 1:like that. Anyway, that would be awful. Yeah, it would be awful.
Speaker 2:I never have really had a boss. That's been a bully.
Speaker 1:I have.
Speaker 2:Have you. So what? Tell me the scenario.
Speaker 1:Not I. I mean, it was just um this person. I'm not even going to say he or she, but this person just was very manipulating in their behavior and the way that they would more so dictate but make themselves appear to be the opposite. It was quite aggravating. It was really frustrating and it was very challenging to work there.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know who you're talking about. I think I know which one she's talking about. Northstrom is Northstrom. There's a lot of people that are not bullies at Northstrom, but this particular person I think was. So what you see with adult bullies is that there is an ongoing pattern of the behavior. And okay, I told Michelle, I promise I won't bring it up more than once, but we have a present, we have a president who is one of the biggest bullies. No, not now, he's not. He falls asleep at the, at the podium. But no, we did. One of the biggest bullies I've ever seen. Oh my God, I just, I just cannot even. I just am amazed at the shit that guy gets away with.
Speaker 1:He's like.
Speaker 2:Teflon. You know everything slides off of him because people don't want to uh, they don't want to disagree with him. He'll just talk louder. You know, or he'll fire them, or you know he'll make some disparaging comments about them in public, or I mean he's just done some horrible, horrible things. He's a total bully. I mean Might even grab your pussy. Yeah, he might. He better not be grabbing mine. He's going to be in big trouble if he does that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't find that man attractive anyway.
Speaker 2:Nope. Anyway, different types of bullies, so let's talk about that. What's the first one we have here? Verbal.
Speaker 1:Okay, so a bully which intentionally harm people with their words. Verbal bullying may include subjecting a target to insults, harsh criticism or persistent teasing, and, in some cases, uh, might even threaten to use racist, misogynistic, homophobic or other intimidating offensive language.
Speaker 2:Okay, that has 45 all over it, that's.
Speaker 1:I'm just all I'm going to say.
Speaker 2:So you might see this with parents. I mean, I have seen this with parents, you know, who've told their kid they're stupid. Yeah, why don't you just? Oh breaks my heart when I've heard about that kind of stuff, but it happens all the time. But that adult parent is not parenting really. They are demeaning their kid and they're bullying their kid, frankly. So you wonder why the kid ends up being a bully, you know, and then grows up into one. It's, like I said, kind of cyclical, so that parent may have been bullied by their parents or kids or whatever you know, when they were younger. So the verbal bully, so they've got something to say and it's usually not really positive and it's disparaging toward whomever they are targeting.
Speaker 1:I think we all probably know somebody like that, or have witnessed.
Speaker 2:So I would find with myself that I I would be like literally turning around and just going. I'm not going to even deal with that person. You know I might have a few choice words with them. Oh, kind of like. Well, I was telling you about the this is just a couple of days ago this gentleman who was wanting to see the place that I have, listed.
Speaker 2:Oh, my stars, I could not believe what that guy was saying and then he says and he was telling me how this is all in text how he's so wealthy that he will never experience poverty and don't contact me. And I now just bought my $2.7 million house that's by Oprah's house in I don't know, montana or somewhere. And my only response to him was people who have money, it doesn't mean because you have money that you have good character. Yeah, and I don't want anything to do with you. Don't contact me again. So bam, I mean it's like, and you know we're in sales.
Speaker 1:So it's like but there's, there's.
Speaker 2:Just I'm not tolerating that shit at all. And I've definitely had clients like that that have been that way and I I've learned how to work around some of those things because sometimes you are going to deal with it. You're not going to always deal with nice people. But verbally abusive in language, or trying to force you into doing something, or teasing you to the point where you will conform to whatever it is that they're asking.
Speaker 1:These are the Karens out in the world.
Speaker 2:Thank you Right, this is what we're talking about.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting here thinking about, as you're saying these things and you mentioned being in sales and of course, I was in sales for a long time and we both waited tables for a long time All of those industries, I think, unfortunately, yeah, have to deal with verbal bullies, bullies or you know sexual harassment, or you know those are other things, but yeah, the Karens of the world are this is exactly what it is.
Speaker 2:The only difference with Karen is that it's the stereotype.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah Of us basically. But feeling like they've got the authority and the power to put someone in their place or to tell someone what to do or to complain about somebody, usually a person of color is what it ends up being that's kind of how it started Like they have the right to do that, so they feel privileged or entitled to be able to do that. So, but they're flat out bullies. Yeah, they're just bullies, no matter what For sure? So what about the passive, aggressive adult bully?
Speaker 1:That can be an adult's way to lash out at others indirectly right Gossiping jokes that aren't really tasteful or that can be hurtful.
Speaker 2:And it's like what are you talking about?
Speaker 1:Don't be so sensitive, I'm just joking, I know right Sarcasm, yeah, you know, to attack people who engage in this behavior often deny that they're doing it or doing anything wrong, which can make the bullying victim doubt their own feelings, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is also a tiny bit like gaslighting you know, because they're doubting themselves based on some of these bullying remarks.
Speaker 1:I mean, I was at Costco today and the lady was like you must have a big family. And then I was like then I started doubting. I'm just saying that because of doubting yourself I started doubting myself on how many people are. Did I start, but am I buying too much?
Speaker 2:Anyways, but it's not funny, just on a side note, that they're actually commenting on what you're getting.
Speaker 1:Mm. Hmm. Yeah, I mean, it's really fun when they do that when you buy something, that's embarrassing. Buy a lot.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, here's Michelle rolling up with six bottles of wine. What it's not all for me. I have a big family. I have a big family, oh my gosh. Okay yeah, so passive, aggressive. Just, you know, inadvertently, or around the topic or not directly to your face, but they're, they're saying shit behind your back.
Speaker 1:There's probably a lot of that. That goes on in the workplace too.
Speaker 2:Oh, hell yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the whole passive especially, yeah, making people feel just like to that point doubting how they're handling something or doubting what they did, that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because of passive aggressive behavior Well and again, that is a communication style that I personally have been accused of, that I have to.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think there are definitely things about passive aggressive behavior that are formed from how you've grown up yeah, like, or how you've had to maneuver through different things. You know, like getting my, my mom would be like you need to do this, this and this. In order to get this done, you need to go around and do it. This was like, totally I better not talk about this huh Like how it would manipulate my husband into thinking that it was his idea to buy something.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that kind of thing. I think a lot of women do that.
Speaker 2:I know, or a lot of women leave their like their credit card billet like Nordstrom they would have it sent to the store. Yeah, that's a whole other story.
Speaker 1:That's a whole yeah.
Speaker 2:Or they'd say this whole thing, it's like what are you talking about? I didn't get something new, this whole thing, you know. So anyway, the physical adult bully, that's pretty straightforward. That's someone who like oh, smack or beat up on someone else or the intimidation factor getting in their face, or you know if they're they're taller or bigger, it's like getting in their face and it's kind of like a dare.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Almost the next side. What are you going to do? Yeah, the next going in different circles and everything. I mean women do it too. Yeah, you know, and it's you know all about what you're, what you will quote, tolerate or not tolerate, and so they're in other people's faces that way Usually. You know you can see alcohol playing a role in that a lot of the time. Yeah, or you know.
Speaker 1:I mean, you get pretty brave. Yeah, You've been drinking. It's called liquid courage, yeah liquid courage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you do a lot of things when you have liquid courage, yeah, yeah, maybe some we won't discuss today, but I'm just kidding. Liquid courage just makes you. I mean there's there's people that have liquid courage and then there's people that are they're sad when they have liquid, or they're happy or they're crying. I know Interesting the different.
Speaker 1:You know, like when you've been drinking, it's like what kind of drunk are you? Right, you know the because to your point. Yeah, the ones that get real ballsy and feel like they can take on the world. Yeah, there's the ones that get funny. Yeah, there's those that mean, yes, mean, get sad. Like all different.
Speaker 2:It's on a little side note on that, one which kind of ties into the adult bullying Right. Used to know this woman who was physically abused by her husband, you know he kind of abused the kids too, but or the kid. I should say the kid too. But she, she would do things like get drunk, she would drink and she would go like do crazy things like getting guys' cars and give them blowjobs and stuff like that she turned into like a complete slut when she was.
Speaker 2:She probably doesn't even remember it. Well, the husband would figure it out, and of course she'd get her sense knocked out of her when she got home. So you can see that's how he handled it, yeah, when clearly she had a huge problem with alcohol and needed to have something done so these things wouldn't continue. And he had a huge problem with alcohol too, but anyway, he was a bully and that's what he did.
Speaker 2:He would push her in the corner, intimidate, her, I just can't imagine being in a relationship like that, I mean well, I mean, that really speaks to you know her self esteem and what she was dealing with. And you know, maybe she was afraid to leave, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:There's all those things. Yeah, that's a rabbit hole topic that.
Speaker 2:I've never personally experienced that, but I know people that have and it's very difficult to know what to do. Yeah, if you're not the victim of that, you know, or? If you are a survivor of that. How you, how you change your behavior and choose people that aren't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That way, yeah, because that's probably what you know, right. You know, kind of like, if I'm dating someone, it's probably not going to be a cop, probably not no. Or someone who's kind of more conservative in their values and listens to all country music, or something I just probably wouldn't or voted for 45.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, probably not.
Speaker 2:Hence I'm divorced. Just kidding, oh Okay. So what about the tangible material? Adult bully that's a mouthful, I know you probably should just read this one.
Speaker 1:This is adults who engage in tangible bullying have power or authority over their victims. A bully could be a boss, manager, have material power like financial control, or even you may feel helpless if you're bully is someone who holds power over you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so you would see this in a workplace probably, or in relationships, you know, if you've got an individual who is controlling in a relationship and doesn't like let you have money or keeps track of how far you go in your car, or I mean that could be a lot of other things too.
Speaker 1:But again the harassment. Yeah, you bring that word into it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Or you know domestic this is domestic issues we're talking about but adult bullying in that regard is basically just having control over you and not allowing you to have a voice, yeah. Or if you have a voice, they talk louder over your voice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so. Did you know that 40%? In this one particular survey that was completed in October of last year, there was 40% of adults said that they have experienced online harassment and in some cases, that harassment evolved into cyberbullying. So cyberbullying is a whole nother thing because you've got people sitting behind a keyboard and they feel very brave. Yeah, they say horrible, awful, awful things to people, but they're not in their face, they're not talking to them.
Speaker 2:They're not in their face. There's this one song by Macklemore where he's talking about this, because he was talking about how people in the hip hop world were really horrible to people that were gay and they were saying awful things about people that were gay, yet they were. There were so many people that were in the hip hop world that were, but they didn't treat them well. They were bullying them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And a lot of it was done through the computer. It's one of his songs.
Speaker 1:It's one of the raps in his songs, yeah.
Speaker 2:Of course I remember that, so I guess it happens everywhere. I mean, but cyberbullying is? I mean there is so much out there and there's people out there trying to get other people to commit suicide or to take drugs or to do things, and pushing them and saying your family doesn't care about you, Nobody cares about you, I'm the only one that cares about you. Those kind of things and these people will do things to. They don't even know the person.
Speaker 2:I mean it's like there's such a level of insecurity with that individual and nobody's paying attention to what's going on with them Predators, yeah, predators behind closed doors.
Speaker 2:We talked about the Karens. That's one thing that had come up before and I would say that's probably the most common thing that people are hearing these days. If you know what a quote Karens is, and for all you women out there named Karens, I'm really sorry. I met a woman the other day named Karens and she was the nicest lady, but I just couldn't. I couldn't say, wow, how does it feel having that name? I didn't say it, I wanted to but I didn't. But anyway, those are the kinds of things we run across, I think, more than anything else Right now. Anyway, because I mean, I work independently, I don't work for somebody else. You work in an office environment, but it's very well structured and your boss is very nice. Yeah, shout out to Ouija. Yeah, yeah, her boss is very nice and he wouldn't, I imagine, tolerate something like that in your work environment.
Speaker 2:So what can you do with adult bullies? I mean, how can you handle them?
Speaker 1:I think, just just like listening to you a minute ago in the online bullying and something that I have experienced you need to be able to have the courage to block and turn it off and not respond, and not respond. Definitely, when I was experiencing this, that's exactly what I had to do and I never felt more free than when I turned it off. You just block it and then you don't get any of that invading your mental energy.
Speaker 2:And you don't have to go. Oh God, I don't want to look at my phone, or I don't want to look at the computer, because it might be there so much that they control when you allow them to do it and really, if you have the power to turn it off, then you're in control.
Speaker 1:And that's exactly what you should do. So sorry, I got off on a little tangent there, but no, I mean, that is something.
Speaker 2:It's something that you can do when it comes to that type regarding technology, if you're super articulate and able to kind of identify that it was an issue taking place, I would have more pleasure than I could possibly imagine by having that person really feel stupid by not responding? Yeah, you know, and, for example, totally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not responding, or killing them with kindness.
Speaker 2:You know it's like you kind of use the opposite logic on them. They're ranting and raving about something, like you've got a guy or woman who is ticked off that their tickets aren't working to get into an event or something, and they're beating up the poor person that's at the front door.
Speaker 2:They don't have anything to do with it, right? You know it's like being that when you're that person, you'd say I need you to talk to me in a respectful tone and I can help you. Yeah, but if you can't do that, then I really can't help you. That's all you say. I mean, you don't give them sarcasm, you don't snarky, right?
Speaker 1:Because that's like egging them on Right, and you know what I've been doing this last week, because I was just thinking of road rate. Road rate in regard to this, those, definitely those are bullies.
Speaker 2:Oh, hell yeah.
Speaker 1:And harassing, and we've talked plenty about traffic in Seattle and how much anxiety it can give people. Just this last week, I have started to listen to relaxation. It's a relaxation station on Pandora, right, I'm listening to it in the morning before I go to work, and I am listening to it in the car when I am driving. You're meditating, though, right? Not while I'm driving.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just checking. Not while I'm driving.
Speaker 1:It helps enormously with the reactive behavior in the traffic or just in general. I did it today, for example. Like I love my weekends, I love my music. You know me and my music. Right, I'm usually listening to Eric Abadou on Pandora or, yeah, all the you know 70's songs.
Speaker 2:We both have tunes going at the same time and sometimes I can hear her stuff and not really I can tell you're playing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was this morning. I could tell you were playing music. I cranked that stuff. It was my John Legend stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like at least it's good stuff, hopefully she's awake.
Speaker 1:So, like today, and I like doing that especially on the weekends but today I was going, like I mentioned, to Costco, and when you go you were in the gas lane.
Speaker 1:You get gas at Costco on a Sunday. I mean you can plan on a good 30 minutes or maybe less, but it's a thing. So I turned on the relaxation music and when I'm driving through the parking lot trying to park and trying to get out of the Costco traffic, it made a difference in how I felt while I was driving and all that, the way I was reacting. To anything I didn't react. I had no reactions to anything, so I don't know why I started to but relax, I mean stuff like that does come into play.
Speaker 2:Well, that's your way of rising above it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean that makes complete sense.
Speaker 2:It's your way of rising above it and, you know, if you get so entangled in what's happening in that day, man, it can really bring you down and you could have people that are, you know, at the or like. I think I told you this a couple of episodes ago, where we were talking about the. I was coming back from the airport and this woman.
Speaker 2:She was like she was so nasty, these people, they weren't trying to cut in line in front of her, but she, she got really nasty with them and they just kind of looked at her and I just I looked at her and I was just like oh, yeah, oh, not a good look, right, this is not a good look on you, I mean you're probably a really nice person and having a shitty day, but it's just not a good look.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think the look on the couple's face said it all. You know, they didn't get nasty, they didn't, you know, say anything back to her, they didn't get sarcastic.
Speaker 1:That just makes them look like the idiot. Yeah, I mean, truly, they're the bully. That's what I'm saying. I know, it's just you, just rise above it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:As hard as it can be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so depending upon the type of bullying like you're talking about road rage, I think that's a big thing too, and not just here but across the U S where we've got traffic problems and some of the big major metropolitan areas. You, you see, a lot of this We've had in in the Washington area, on the Western Washington side. I think it's been like well, it was maybe a week ago. I heard the statistic. It was like 51 road rage incidents that were just on I five in the in the Snohomish, king and Pierce, the three, the three counties, yeah, and involving guns.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know people are shooting at other people, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of that stuff going on. So you just don't know what you're dealing with. And I, you know, I can get mad in the car. Yeah, I can get really mad in the car and I can find myself, you know, cussing up, you know whatever. I'm not screaming at them, but just God or whatever. And then I stopped myself and go that guy could be like crazy or on something, or, you know, had a bad fight with his girlfriend and I'm going to be the recipient, yeah, so you just have to kind of swallow whatever it is and move on, because you don't want to get yourself in a situation. Yeah for sure, if it's something you have to deal with on a daily basis, then I say you know, if you are not able to handle it because they are in a position of authority over you, then you find somebody who can help you. And people people don't want to quote tattle, they don't want to say anything.
Speaker 2:They don't want to they don't want, because they feel like they're being babies or whatever they're being, I don't know. Whiny, yeah, but you're not being whiny because you bring it to someone's attention in a very diplomatic and non-biased way, not using emotion. You got to take all the emotion out of it and just state the facts. They really don't have any choice but to look into it, because, I mean, honestly, it's not maybe because it's the right thing to do, but maybe they do it because of the liability surrounding it. If there wasn't any liability, they might not touch it. So that's why you have to be your own advocate.
Speaker 1:I think too, as a as a bystander, if you witness this in the workplace or something like that. It's important I actually heard this term in a training in my work. But support and report, Okay, yeah, so support the people in those situations and report it.
Speaker 2:Report the behavior.
Speaker 1:When it's when necessary. So.
Speaker 2:Well, I've been in circumstances like that where I would be one who would have a tendency to probably speak out. You know, and I've done that before when we've had, you know, children that were, you know, getting mishandled or what have you, and there's such a there's such a fine line on what you can do and can't do. Now, if I saw something like that, I don't have a corporation over me telling me that's not okay.
Speaker 2:You can create more problems. We're going to get sued, but let's talk about what's the right thing to do, and if that kid's being manhandled or something is, someone's got to do something. That's why those kids are not taken care of or watched after, because people are too afraid. They're too afraid to get bullied themselves or to get sued or to get hurt or whatever.
Speaker 2:So they just thought it's not my business, not my business. And I mean I've seen that with. I saw someone today who was with two dogs. I think he was training the one dog. He was a big dog and I was kind of driving. I wasn't driving very fast. I was up on Capitol and he took the dog and he was like shaking the dog's head.
Speaker 1:I saw a lady hit her dog today with a leash. Oh my God, I was pissed.
Speaker 2:I just I slowed down. Yeah, I did the same thing. Yeah, slowed down to a crawl and I opened my window and I was like hey, is everything okay? And he just looked at me so surprised that I even said anything. Yeah, it's fine. I was like you might not want to hit your dog. Yeah, okay, I'm not. I'm not being a Karen, right, I'm trying to stick up for a little animal that is a big animal that is can't say anything, but it was just like come on, people.
Speaker 2:I mean that's like the ultimate bully is someone who takes and puts themselves on to others that are weaker or smaller or younger, or you know, or disabled, or whatever you know it's like there's no room for people like that.
Speaker 1:I have no tolerance for that kind of crap, don't fuck with me.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, just kidding, yeah, anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, being a target of a bully can be extremely stressful. So I think it's really important to you know, kind of figure out, what your boundaries are and how you want to manage something and if managing it means that you ignore it or, like I said, you rise above it or you block it and maybe that solves the problem, but it might not solve the problem, and so it really does affect your mental health, it affects how you are at home, it affects a lot of different things and I don't think people really realize that sometimes you know that might be stuff going on with the person that you care about and they're not saying anything to you. So anyway, especially with kids, I mean, yeah, really. So adult bullying when we're talking about people bullying other adults, there's also adults who are bullying people like in those vulnerable positions.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and taking advantage you know, or taking out their anger on people who are, I don't want to say, less fortunate, because that's not what I mean. It's more like people who they have control over her and can continue to do that with Right.
Speaker 1:So they essentially, whatever the situation is, they groom them to that point of vulnerability, of fear and all those things, yeah, so you don't want to.
Speaker 2:You want to be able to really evaluate for yourself what you're comfortable with and really just understand that there no one's accepting that as the way it just is, you know, unless you allow that to happen, Right? So you have to be your own advocate or you have to be the advocate for the person that you care about who might not have a voice.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And those are the real critical things about being a strong individual you know, and you may not have grown up with that type of a background, you may not have really had to deal with anything, but you know in your gut when something's not right, yeah, and it's important to have a voice.
Speaker 1:I helped a friend once get out of her house, her and her daughter.
Speaker 2:Domestic.
Speaker 1:Yep, it was a domestic situation and, yeah, it had to all be planned out when he was going to be gone and like, literally, we did not have a lot of time and it was risky and all of that stuff.
Speaker 2:I had one. I had a situation like that with someone who I worked with and it was the same thing that the husband would. She'd tried to get out of the car and he'd pull her back in by her hair and it was just awful. But, it was the same thing. It's like there are resources out there. That's domestic violence. It's a little bit different.
Speaker 2:But I mean if someone's abusing their spouse or their significant other. Their bullies obviously yeah, but you know it's taken on a whole other form, right, so right, anyway, that's all I have on this topic. This is a short one.
Speaker 1:Well, I think too, though as an adult, when this happens, I would imagine depending on the situations, but like the domestic violence we were just talking about, I can see where the result of that can cause a lot of distress.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and long term distress, you know it can affect your mental, mental health, it can affect someone's confidence long term, make you anxious, paranoid, all of those things that can be extremely stressful.
Speaker 2:I was just talking with someone today, actually, and she was asking me if we had done an episode on consistent fleeting thoughts that you can't get rid of. And so I was asking her to elaborate on it, and this is exactly what she was talking about. She would have a nightmare about her ex-husband, who, you know she's been gone from him for 30 years, but she would just up and have this, and I don't think it was a really great situation. I think he was pretty abusive and it shakes her to the core.
Speaker 1:Now yeah.
Speaker 2:And this is how? Many years later, and she's married to the most wonderful man. Now it just comes out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And she's just like you second guess yourself. You're like how can I get these thoughts out of my head? I mean, that's kind of something that a therapist might be able to help with that's what I told her. It's like that's probably what I would do if it was me.
Speaker 2:I would try to get the help from someone who was trained on how to approach that and how to you know what different tools you might have to deal with those things so you can feel healthy and confident in yourself. But you don't even realize some of this stuff is happening.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:PTSD just shows up out of nowhere. Yeah, if you've been in those situations before.
Speaker 1:Well, in situations at work and, depending on you know, and even in your life personally, I think it's important to seek out a safe space to be able to work through that process. Don't doubt and second guess yourself If you're feeling uncomfortable by something or some action that somebody is doing that is targeted towards you or at you or said to you, you know, or towards someone that you care about or doesn't have a voice. Yeah, exactly, that's the scary part.
Speaker 2:It's really standing up to that and hoping that you're going to get the support that you need, and it's really surprising how much support is out there. Yeah, you know so it can be from something that you're just dealing with a power hungry boss to something that is more you know serious, where someone's laying hands on you or laying hands on someone else or verbal abuse is so horrible that you know it's like you wonder how, how that person is even living in that situation. Yeah, yeah, so that, yeah it, it. There is help.
Speaker 1:There is help out there.
Speaker 2:Don't be afraid to escalate a situation. If you get into that situation or you know someone that is, don't be afraid to escalate it, and you're not alone.
Speaker 1:It's very common, mm. Hmm, yeah, very common.
Speaker 2:So so in that note With that, yeah, god damn it, Michelle, will you just stop talking?
Speaker 1:Fuck you.
Speaker 2:I know I just bullied her. You know I love Michelle. I would never talk to her that way in real life. Anyway, she just told me to fuck off basically Well, yeah. That's not the first time she's done that. I think she was drinking last time she did.
Speaker 1:Just joking, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm not a mean drunk, no, she's not. She's a happy one and she never really gets drunk, it's usually just like happy. Yeah, and it's not even that often we need to have another happy hour soon.
Speaker 1:I'm going for sober October.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, okay, well, in November, 1st November, yeah.
Speaker 1:When all the guys aren't shaving yeah, and neither are we. Oh. I am, oh, my God, I'm not falling into no shave November, I know yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, everybody. Well, you can catch us on our socials. I'm going to say that part this time. We've got an email address, blondeburnettnamike at gmailcom, and of course, you know we are on tiktok and Facebook and Instagram and we would love to hear from you if you have stories or anything that you think would be helpful or pertain to this topic. You can respond just on our on our socials or private messages. Yeah, yeah, and until next time, everybody, take care and be safe out there. Peace out. We'll see you soon.
Speaker 1:Bye, bye, no yeah.