A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Look forward to time with these two women who have life experience and something to say! Join us each week as we dive into topics that may be raw, unfiltered, funny and even a little controversial. Whatever we discuss will give you our perspective, get you thinking and will keep you coming back for more!
A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Episode 102 Owning Your Sexuality Amidst Societal Judgment and Sexualization
Imagine trying cottage cheese chips for the first time, only to discover they could be the answer to your healthy snacking woes. Michele and Jules kick off "A Blonde, A Brunette, and A Mic" with tales of culinary experiments and the quest for feeling fabulous, just in time for summer and those inevitable wedding invitations. But it's not all about food; we soon switch gears to tackle the thorny issue of female sexual empowerment versus sexualization, using humor and anecdotes to unpack the conversation many are hesitant to have.
What happens when a comedian’s social media antics shine a light on societal double standards? We explore the fallout of a patriarchal framework on perceptions of women's clothing and conduct, probing the delicate balance between internal empowerment and external expectation. As we dive into the art of raising empowered daughters, we emphasize being true to oneself while delicately navigating the maze of societal norms. Our candid chat underscores how young girls' experiences shape their understanding of empowerment, setting the stage for lifelong self-expression.
From the innocence of childhood fashion choices to the complexities of adult self-presentation, we reflect on how women walk the tightrope of personal empowerment and societal judgment. The discussion meanders through parenting challenges, the mental health implications of sexualization, and the liberating act of owning one's sexuality. In our 'What The Hell, Ring the Bell' segment, we debate the finer points of panty lines or no panty lines and invite you to join us on a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Embrace your power!
Hey everybody. This is Michelle and this is Julie. Welcome to a blonde, a brunette and a mic podcast. What is our podcast all about, you ask?
Speaker 2:Well, we're 250 something.
Speaker 1:Women with life experience and oh bloody to say, which is exactly what we're gonna do right now. How's my girl? We are in two actual separate places tonight.
Speaker 2:I know Well, we're in the same building, we're in the same house, but we're on different floors. We're trying to figure out all of our audio issues, not that anybody else cares.
Speaker 1:I mean sitting in my bed. I'm sure you can tell I'm in my bed with my dream, big sign over me that I sleep with every night. But it is like a lot more comfortable. So I'm digging it so far. Hopefully it's good for the listeners as well.
Speaker 2:I know we like to be in the same room, but it doesn't always work out that way. We'll figure it out, but in the meantime, what were you going to?
Speaker 1:say Nothing, just in the meantime.
Speaker 1:In the meantime. No, I was going to say can we just talk about how I tried to make cottage cheese chips tonight? I see them on Instagram all the time and they look so tasty and crispy and healthy and so I thought I'm going to make some of these. And they're not like. They were good. Good, but they just weren't the small crispy little chips like I had envisioned and like they make them seem on instagram. So do they air fry them? No, you bake them in the oven. Okay, next time I'm gonna try making them a little bit smaller. It's literally just cottage cheese and you flatten it with a spoon, sprinkle a little everything but the bagel on top and then bake them for like 40 minutes or longer so they're brown and crispy.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, maybe air fry okay, tried a little recipe tonight. As we are rolling into the new year, I am definitely trying, um, some new things, trying, to you know, food wise, some different things that maybe we haven't tried before. To you know, judge it up a little bit. I just I made the, the Hawaiian with the pineapple, the Hawaiian chicken, for tonight.
Speaker 1:So what's your reason behind that? I mean, I know my reasons behind eating healthy and everything like that. I'm trying to tie this into our topic because we're going to dive in in a minute. Do you see where I'm going with it? Yes, ma'am, A little bit in a way. So what's your reason for? You know, healthy eating and all of that, you know. I just feel better you mentioned the new year, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Well, the new year. My word, as you know, is listen, so I'm trying not to over talk you, but I'm always looking for different things that can be healthy to eat, that are, or versions of things that are not supposed to be healthy, but that you make them healthy. You're really good at that, actually. Well, it's, and you have to just be okay with it not tasting perfectly like it's covered in sugar.
Speaker 2:You know, like you can make these, these little peanut butter Reese's peanut butter bars, and you put them with, like Greek yogurt and peanut butter, mix it together, freeze it with a popsicle stick, and then you just dip it in in um sugar chocolate yeah, yeah, it's like having a dilly bar, yeah, kind of a nice little treat, but we maybe we'll come up with a few of those because I think everybody needs those, especially as we're really trying to focus on our health.
Speaker 2:So, bottom line, it's all about eating healthy and feeling healthy, and if I don't eat healthy which I totally don't do sometimes give me a burger. I'm happy, but I just don't feel that great. You know, I just my body just doesn't feel that great, and as the weather gets better I definitely want to eat better, just because I just feel like eating lighter when the weather's hot and stuff just is better.
Speaker 1:Like for me anyway, I do it for all the health purposes, but I really do want to look good in summer clothes. There's that too. I want to look good in my clothes.
Speaker 2:I have a wedding coming up, right yeah there's that, there's that.
Speaker 1:Not my wedding.
Speaker 2:But girlfriend's going to have some arms by the time. Well, they already are a little bit, but they're going to be even better by the time April rolls around. There you go We'll see, and we'll post some pictures of the cute wedding and the cute couple and everything and the cute dresses.
Speaker 1:All that stuff.
Speaker 2:Exciting times. So all of that directly does kind of tie into our topic of sexual empowerment versus sexualization, and this is actually something that, as women, I think we have to figure out a fine line for, because you always want to own your at least in my feeling. You want to own your sexuality, you want to own your power if you will. But there is definitely a fine line between you owning that and someone else or society in general sexualizing you or sexualizing women in general, just because I mean, you do see men get sexualized, I guess to some degree. But you know, like, let me give you an example. Can I give you an example? There is this comedian. She's really funny, funny. She is on my instagram and she's on our blonde and brunette one, actually, instagram and she's from the south, so she's got this hilarious accent. Well, every one of her posts is of a, a guy like maybe doing jumping jack.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I've seen her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and and their. Their schlong is like dude. You need to put like a jockstrap on or something, because it's like dancing all over the place. It looks like it's painful, but she comments on all these things, so is she?
Speaker 1:sexualizing those guys. Definitely, definitely is yeah.
Speaker 2:But would that? So let's take that and reverse it. If that was a male comedian and he's got pictures of these, or videos of women at the gym doing jumping jacks and their boobs are flying all over the place, are they sexualizing them? Are they sexualizing those women? Yes, they are Okay. So I guess the question is and this is where you know you get into like rape culture, all that kind of stuff it's like you hear people, or have heard people in the past, say well, they shouldn't dress like that, they shouldn't have behaved that way, they shouldn't have gone there, they shouldn't have done that. Like it's the woman's responsibility to ensure that she's safe because of whatever you know she's wearing or what have you. But if you think about it, I guess when you're raising let's say you're raising a daughter do you want to raise your daughter? You want to raise your daughter to feel like she can be empowered to be a woman and be a girl and be proud of that. But where is that balance? What do you?
Speaker 1:think, yeah, that's a tough one. Being the mother of boys, I had the boys. They're looking at the girls trying to balance that. So I think it's all in how it's presented, how we carry ourselves and I'm saying we, that's anybody's daughter, we know because we're more mature now we've kind of been through a lot of this. But how you carry yourself and present yourself, how you talk, your facial expressions, your body language, all that stuff I think is a part of that whole picture.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, so you're putting it out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely, and you need to also, I think, know your audience. I think that's really important Know your audience, you know if you're at a social event, what kind of social event is it If you're at some family gathering, and what kind of gathering it is? There's all a work function, all these different kinds of things. You need to know your venue, know your audience and how to present yourself yourself, because, uh, you know that you heard that you know, being a lady on the streets, but a freaking sheet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know you can be that in at the right place and time and you can the right person or the right place and time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, but I think, that go. I mean, I think it does go the same for men.
Speaker 1:But there is a double standard and there always has been, I do think that there definitely is a double standard, because the patriotic society is, you know, so men yeah, A patriarchal society we're not hating on men.
Speaker 2:We're not hating on them right now, but they are a big component to this. I feel like as women, we are responsible for taking our own sexuality back. We're not. It is nobody else's privilege or ownership to tell me what I am able to do with my body, how I am projecting myself, that sort of thing. But to that point, given that we are at the place in our lives right now, where we are, we can say that I feel, and we weren't necessarily able to say that in the same way.
Speaker 2:Now where we are, we can say that I feel, and we weren't necessarily able to say that in the same way when we were 20, right, because when we were raised, we were raised with a different mindset in mind perhaps than some people, or maybe we had guidance and so we knew to walk into things, maybe with a little bit more class, I guess you could say, or kind of thinking through, like you said, your audience and what that all entails. Yeah, so if you're looking at sexual empowerment, I'm just going to kind of go through and define the differences between the two. So we're really clear.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask yeah that'd be great.
Speaker 2:On what we're talking about, sexual empowerment is really kind of being in control of your own body and making decisions that reflect your desires and your boundaries okay Whereas sexualization is external, more what society brings in, what society determines is appropriate or inappropriate, and how that is affected in, like our social media or how people view things like sex appeal. Like today versus 40 years ago, they might be very, very different. Right, there is a fine line, I think, between the two. As women, we have the responsibility to determine what works for us, and that's kind of my take on the whole thing.
Speaker 1:No, I agree, we have the ability to determine what works for us and, at the same time, those outward influences or or I can't think of the right word, but but the things you were talking about society and and all of that. We don't have control over what their opinions are going to be. What their opinions are going to be, do you see what I mean?
Speaker 1:Like we do we are empowered to have the control on how we're going to present ourself, how we dress, all of those things, but we don't have control over how people might perceive that. So you know part of part. You just got to be yourself. I'm sitting here thinking it, it's really a lot.
Speaker 2:There's really a lot that goes that they're choosing the toys that they're playing with, the things that they're not allowed to do because they're girls or you know whatever. All of those things kind of formulate the persona, if you will, of that young girl and what she's able to do, confident doing, and everything else. So as you get older, you're trying to figure out where you fit in all of that. You know, like, what is your comfort level with the clothing that you're wearing, or are you in an environment that is super judgmental and makes you take pause about the things that you're doing and wearing because you don't want to be judged?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, that just makes me think. You know, growing up in the Mormon religion, modesty is like huge, you know you don't show your shoulders and not too much cleavage. Just, you know, dressing modestly, and there's nothing wrong with being modest. I'm not because of some of that, not all of it, but because of some of that. I was very curious and as soon as I started working and could buy my own clothes and do all that, I was really out there with fashion and curious and trying it all trying it all you know well, in fact, fashion truly is how you kind of exude your personality.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in a lot of ways you know what, what you're wearing and how you're wearing it and kind of the style that you have. And you know maybe that you're not like basic and the same as everybody else, but you've got your own little twist to things.
Speaker 2:So I think all of that directly relates to the confidence that someone has, a woman has, and so, again, we're just talking about women right now.
Speaker 2:But I feel like if I am empowering my daughter, let's say, for example, to stand tall and to feel comfortable in her sexuality, in that she's dressing in a way to where she's say, got a great figure and you know she's tall and she has beautiful hair and she's got all this stuff, so she presents herself in a way and carries herself in a way to where you take notice, Not because necessarily because she's coming across like a hoe, but because she, the way she carries herself. Okay, Obviously, my daughter would never come across like a heck. I can't even get her to wear short sleeve shirts to the gym, you know, but you know it's, it's kind of along those same lines. And if you look at social media, social media and everything to do with advertising, in really more of the United States probably than in other places, everything really pushes you you as especially starting as a young girl to try and mimic a lot of the things that they're seeing, because that's what's getting the attention, even if you look at like instagram, is it?
Speaker 2:we keep going back to social media all those pictures of those gorgeous girls, but they're all thirst trap pictures they're. You know they're putting it out there because that's the attention that they're getting.
Speaker 1:You know, maybe their Instagram models or something you know so much of there's. There's music and pop culture, all those things. You know Cardi B and you know WAP and the sensationalism that they put into all of that. You know, for young girls that's such a trap. I think you know on what it means to be a woman. That's just like not it at all.
Speaker 2:OK, so let's talk about that's my talk about people that we know in the media. Let's talk about the Beyonce's of the world, or Rihanna, or these people that these girls are striving to be toward right or they see that as role models.
Speaker 2:Even Taylor Swift is a role model. I suppose, yeah, Miley Cyrus, you know, has been a role model, but these people have all kind of taken and owned their sexuality in a way that maybe is maybe uncomfortable, that you don't want, you know, a 13-year-old girl to come after. So, like Cardi B is an example, or Megan Thee Stallion or any of these that they're totally owning themselves Megan Thee Stallion, not Thee Stallion, it's Megan Thee, megan Thee Stallion, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's like, but these girls, their sexuality is selling records, you know, yeah, and they're not apologizing for it, and heck, I feel like let them do it, it doesn't bother me any, but at the same, time, I don't really want to see a bunch of 13 year old girls walking around booty shorts and twerking on a pole. You know it's not exactly ideal circumstances.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, Go ahead. No, I was just going to say therein lies, you know, the whole parenting aspect too. There's just so much surrounding all of this. It's very, very jam-packed.
Speaker 2:For sure Very, very jam-packed. Well, if you had a daughter, how would you guide her if she was 13?
Speaker 1:years old. Think about my. I have a granddaughter that's going to be 11. Yeah, you know, and you know, you, you, of course, are going to guide by example. You're going to, um, the things, that things that you allow, uh, the, the confidence that you do give in certain things, you know, not shaming them, right, but you know, coming up with, maybe, different ways of, just like your food, coming up with different ways to zhuzh up a healthy recipe, you know, only it's healthy, it doesn't have all the crap in it. Kind of the same thing that you can do with clothes and different things like that, something that's along the same line but maybe a little bit more presentable but still looks, you know, and has the vibe, whatever that is, till they're old enough to, you know, kind of run with it and make their own decisions.
Speaker 2:So the big thing now is crop tops, yes, wearing crop tops. Wearing crop tops to school, you know like having basically. So if your daughter was like, yeah, I'm headed to school and they've got like little shorts and a crop top, I think I'd have a meltdown. I'd be like, oh hell, no, you're not leaving the house. Yeah, and that's me being so old fashioned in a lot of ways. But I don't want my daughter to be objectified and sexualized and I know, even though she's trying to develop her own being, so to speak, it's like the attention that corresponds with something like that is going to put potentially her in a category where she won't be taken seriously. So you're basically kind of fitting into what you believe will work for them in a lot of ways, and I don't I mean, I don't know that that's right either. You know they usually just want to fit in.
Speaker 1:I'm just glad that I am done with that. My kids are grown. I didn't have girls. Honestly, I know girls are harder than boys. They are. I hear that all the time. They are A lot more to worry about All of that. That's the thing is. There's so much more to worry about with a girl truly than with a boy.
Speaker 2:Okay, Let me ask you this now as a grown woman, as a grown woman now owning your sexuality on your own terms what does that look like for you?
Speaker 1:I just it is so inside of you, it's so inside of me and I just go with what feels right for me. And I don't know what that is or how it comes across, but I just I don't know. It's just like we were talking about you can the vibe and that you give off. You know there's we were talking about that the other night how we can go out, and you know I'm looking good, I'm feeling good, I'm smelling good, but nobody tries to pick up on me because of the air that I have about myself.
Speaker 1:It's like don't mess with me. I'm of course you know I'm taken and I really feel like, whatever it is, you know how you carry yourself and how you look at people, the things you say to people, it all matters, it really does it really does so, and I could be wearing the same thing, looking good, smelling good, feeling good, I could be having all of that, but give off a totally different vibe.
Speaker 1:and you know, flip the script, can be a little hoe out there too, and weekend, and how I'm talking, and and you know how you're presenting yourself and how you're dancing, all of that stuff, all of that just another version of owning your sexuality yes, absolutely but it's owning, so it's a, it's a version of owning your sexuality that doesn't necessarily resonate with you right it
Speaker 2:might resonate with somebody else and so, yeah, then you have to, okay. So, going back to that, it's like if we're all out, you all of us, you know the girls that we go out with and stuff and we've had that circumstance happen before where, well, I wasn't with you guys, but where you guys were out and there was a kind of a newcomer to our group who was not carrying herself in a way that made everybody else comfortable and you know you were worried that she's going off with some people and God only knows what she was doing when she's going off.
Speaker 1:Those aren't people that we would necessarily hang out with, so that's right, there's a difference there, so let her go do her thing. That's definitely. Yeah, that was definitely an interesting, eye-opening learning experience, especially at our age. Yeah, and yeah, with what we're used to among among ourselves, definitely, um, yeah, well, and it hasn't really hung out again. Oh, we, probably probably well yeah, join the group. So how do you think?
Speaker 2:um, how do you think the sexualization of a girl's body or a woman's body can potentially impact their mental health?
Speaker 1:I think that can be a big factor, you know, because of you know it goes along with so much of how we feel is emotional and you know, mentally based on that. So what do you think?
Speaker 2:and you know, mentally based on that. So what do you think? I feel like there is so much out there that more impressionable people maybe are striving for, because they think that's what the norm is that if they don't get the validation, it will impact their need for help or they become a pick-me pick me girl. You know someone who wants that attention, and so they're going out of their way to get it in ways that might not be healthy, right, right, but bottom line I think it comes down to is that you have to own what works for you.
Speaker 1:You have to own yes, and makes you right. That's, that's that the the key words. Right there is own, own what works for you, and if you own it and you know it's something that you feel good about, that makes it even the more enjoyable, right, you know, just like everyday, even just everyday circumstances.
Speaker 2:Yeah, walking in confidence with, with what you know, and as an adult woman and grown women, it's like you know women that are not necessarily in relationships, you know set relationships and things like that it kind of takes on a whole nother. A whole nother, yeah, because you may not have one specific partner or you may have partners that are. It's you might be more casual with by how you approach it. But it's your choice how you do that too. Now I'm not saying that's good or bad or indifferent, I'm just saying that it's a whole nother realm. You know what we're seeing here.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, there's a lot of facets around this subject. There really are, and I think society has put a lot on our young girls in particular.
Speaker 2:But I think society has put a lot on our young girls in particular, which now we're young girls that have turned into older women now and we kind of I don't know. I see it from a completely different perspective than I did when I was a kid. I mean, yeah, you're looking for validation for certain things. I think I've told you that story of 12 or 13 years old wearing a bathing suit and being oblivious, that I'm wearing a bathing suit and being told I need to cover up because I look like a hooker. You know that?
Speaker 2:kind of stuff which you're kind of like what you know when you're 12 or 13 years old. It's like how does that even happen, you know? But it formulates how you think about yourself and the choices that you're making.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really does. So anyway, I just I wanted to just to bring this up because I think it's something that we, we talk about and I think it just becomes a part of like everyday life. And everybody just knows you know that this stuff is out there. You know that you know how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, whether you like it or not, is going to personify you and you have to make a decision about what you're comfortable with.
Speaker 2:You know, there's also the whole thing about code switching. That when you think about and men do it too code switching can be lots of different things. It can be cultural, it can be the way you dress, the way you present yourself. But let's just say that you're someone who likes to, you know, go dancing a lot or likes to I don't know pole dance, I don't know, it doesn't really matter but things that have nothing, things that are more maybe sexual in nature. When you're at work you don't necessarily exude that. So you're kind of carrying on a different persona when you're at work, but when you're off work it's like a different thing. So when I say code switching, that's what I'm referring to.
Speaker 2:It's like you present yourself in one way for an employer or for your grandmother, or you know the members of your family that you have in that realm, and then when you go out with your friends you might be a whole different person. You dress differently. It's kind of like when you go to Vegas. When you go to Vegas it's like you know all bets are off.
Speaker 1:Is it?
Speaker 2:Do you think it's a bad thing? No, that part I don't, because you can kind of leave.
Speaker 1:In general, because I'm sitting here thinking I'm like, well, I am who I am when I'm around my family and stuff, but then you know there's another, there's another like layer when I'm with my friends. I guess there's. There are versions, yeah. Or, to your point, code switching yeah, I think for the most part there's. There's a common thread throughout who I am at work really is for the most part who I am, you know all the time.
Speaker 2:And even when we go out.
Speaker 1:I guess for the most part You're kind of the grandma of the group now, yeah, I guess for the most part I am yeah, but that's okay, she keeps us all grounded right Keeps us all grounded, Okay with that, with that. We're talking about sexualizing and what's our? So the question is panty lines or no panty lines? Is it sexy to have panty lines? No, it's not sexy to have panty lines, to have no panty lines? I don't know, it's better to have no panty lines. But does that?
Speaker 2:mean, you're commando.
Speaker 1:If that song you know is shown a little bit when you're bending over, is that sexy? I mean, that's kind of the same. That's why I like panty lines or panty showing or a little bit, you know whatever.
Speaker 2:I don't know Like. I was at the gym the other day and there's this. I'm just going to give this as an example because I really wanted to say something but I didn't. There's this, this girl that takes the classes. She's darling and she's been doing the classes around the same amount of time I have and she's worked so hard and she's just got the cutest little figure ever right. She's wearing like granny panties or something underneath her leggings and you can see them. You can see. You can see like the lines and everything which are. It's just like girl, I want to go take her shopping, Get her a thong. I just don't think she realizes Right. But yeah, I'm absolutely 100%. If there's going to be panty lines and you just got to go, commando unless you have a thong.
Speaker 1:But unless what? Unless you have a thong and it'll work. So thong panty lines are okay. You can't see them? Yes, you can. Well, it depends what you're wearing. You can. You can see thong panty lines Now, and I'm not talking about peeking above the waistband either, Like some sometimes when you got stretch pants on, and I'm, I don't mean you, I'm just saying when I've seen women wearing stretch pants boy, that's an old term. What are they called Leggings now? Do they have stirrups in them? Okay, leggings or workout pants, whatever, and wearing a thong and you can see the triangle. Maybe isn't so bad, I'm not talking about.
Speaker 1:G-string. Obviously you're not going to see that.
Speaker 2:But, triangle.
Speaker 1:You can see those lines with leggings sometimes.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking about, like, say, you're wearing a dress that has, like you know, more slinky fabric or something. If you wear panties underneath that, that you can see it, just takes away the whole.
Speaker 1:Look, I think we're in agreement, like yeah, no, panty lines is way sexier than panty lines, panty lines is way sexier than panty lines 100%, 100% agree, keeping that a buck, as some friend of mine would say.
Speaker 2:And I probably never have panties no, you definitely don't. In the summertime I don't either. But I just feel like there's better ways. I'm going to go talk to my friend at the gym and just tell her.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'll bring her really cute little hanky pankys or something maybe I won't.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say that that's that, yeah, okay, yeah, new ones.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure not mine. No, yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good that's good, okay.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I think we're in agreement on that one yeah, what do you? Think granny panties people.
Speaker 1:Hey, you know what they're like. Everybody loves pineapple on their pizza. I found out, that's for sure. We had a lot of feedback on the pineapple. I know the pineapple. Yeah, people were surprised that it makes things sweeter and I'm glad we were able to educate, we educated.
Speaker 2:We did educate, now why don't?
Speaker 1:you have crotchless panties, is it okay for those to have panty lines as long as you're eating pineapple?
Speaker 2:as long as you're having pineapple, yeah, anyway, we'll get in fun days, aren't we?
Speaker 1:yeah, all right time to wrap it up that's enough on panty lines.
Speaker 2:I think pretty much established as we're talking about in what.
Speaker 1:Candy lines and pineapple.
Speaker 2:What's the next P? I don't know. We'll come up with something, maybe on our next episode. Porno, porno or penis, I don't know. There's a lot of P's. There's a lot of P's.
Speaker 1:With that, you can find us out on all the socials everybody Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube. We are out there on any platform you listen to your podcasts on, so go check us out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Michelle's new nickname is Commando. Okay, bye, michelle, bye guys. See you next week. Bye, bye, oops. End session Stop.