A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Look forward to time with these two women who have life experience and something to say! Join us each week as we dive into topics that may be raw, unfiltered, funny and even a little controversial. Whatever we discuss will give you our perspective, get you thinking and will keep you coming back for more!
A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Episode 105 Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?
Ever wonder if men and women can truly be just friends, especially when there's a romantic history involved? Join us, Michele and Julee, as we unravel the complexities of male-female friendships within committed relationships. We kick off with a provocative narrative featuring Michele's son, who passionately argues against maintaining friendships with ex-partners. This leads us to explore personal stories and differing viewpoints on navigating these tricky waters.
Throughout our conversation, we highlight the vital role of communication and trust in overcoming potential hurdles when friends of the opposite gender are involved. The stereotypes that claim men and women can't just be friends are put under the microscope as we ponder the possibility of healthy platonic relationships, even with former flames. We share insights on recognizing red flags and balancing personal boundaries with trust in one's partner, urging listeners to approach each situation with empathy and openness.
In our journey through social dynamics, we touch upon the impact of introverted versus extroverted circles and how cultural differences can further complicate interactions. A personal story about a long-distance relationship between a Chicagoan and a Polish woman paints a vivid picture of the misunderstandings that can arise. With an emphasis on transparency, we question how past relationships affect current friendships and the potential implications of everyday actions, like meeting up with a former partner, on our current relationships. Join us for a thoughtful discussion on building enriched connections through effective communication and trust.
Hey everybody. This is Michelle and this is Julie. Welcome to a blonde, a brunette and a mic podcast. What is our podcast all about, you ask?
Speaker 2:Well, we're 250 something, women with life experience and oh, plenty to say which is exactly what we're gonna do right now.
Speaker 1:Hi Michelle, hey Jules, how are you today?
Speaker 2:I'm doing great today. Are you ready for some podcast? Nomad work.
Speaker 1:Ready. That's how you have to be. If you're a podcast nomad, we're scrappy man Ready on the fly.
Speaker 2:We're scrappy, and it's a good thing, it's really a good thing.
Speaker 1:It is a good thing.
Speaker 2:Before we get started, I know Michelle wanted to share a few thoughts with our audience.
Speaker 1:I just wanted to thank everybody for listening and, I guess, just sent out a gentle reminder as well. Continue the good work of subscribing, following and sharing on all the socials and especially on YouTube. You know things are really starting to grow there. We're super excited about it. We have great things planned for 2025.
Speaker 2:So just keep up the good work, y'all. Yeah, that was what we were just doing was our little planning sesh that we had and all kinds of good stuff coming. So again, as she said, thank you so much for listening and for being a part of our little community that we're creating. We are super excited about it and we're having a lot of fun with it, and it's all because of you guys, right? Yes, ma'am. So today we are going to get into a topic that we have discussed on many occasions but have not actually put it on paper until today. We are going to actually record, and that topic is Michelle.
Speaker 1:Um, is it possible for male and female relationships to continue when you are in a relationship? Okay, does that make sense yeah, totally makes sense to me. Or male, and I should say male and female friendships, which are relationships, right? Uh, can you have those if you are in a relationship and have a partner?
Speaker 2:So this started out with two separate questions, really. One of them was when we were discussing it can men and women be friends? And my absolute answer to that was yes, 100% they can. But I know we had inquired with some other people as we were kind of preparing for this episode, and you had a very different response from one of your kids, didn't you? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I asked that question. I was like so do you think it's okay to continue a friendship? I'm just doing it how I posed it to him Is it okay to have a friendship with somebody that you've been in a relationship with in the past? Is it okay to continue that friendship if you are now in a relationship with somebody else? Okay, did not even hesitate. He said nope, nope, I mean, I was kind of expecting that, but at the same time I was surprised.
Speaker 2:But I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it too, I think some. So we that was where the big bone of contention was, because not bone of contention, but we had a difference of opinion on those things and I think a lot of the I have a lot of male friendships, or men that are are people that I am friends with, I should say through the course of my life. Many that are. Well, I say many. It sounds like there's a lot, there's a little bit of exaggeration, but there's a core group of guys, mostly from high school, a couple from high school that they're like my brothers. Yeah, and I would. It's not like I see them every day. It's not like I talk to them every day. We're on social media, back and forth, you know all kinds of banter and fun stuff. I've never had a romantic relationship with either one of them. There's never been any inkling of that.
Speaker 2:It would be hard for me to say that I wouldn't be able to be friends, maintain a friendship with them because a person I was in a relationship with said I couldn't or didn't want me to, because that to me speaks more in that scenario to the person that's in the relationship, having some insecurities, maybe from things that have happened in the past, maybe from just, you know, a lack of trust in general for people because of experiences that have taken place. What have you? I don't know, but I would have a really. I think I would have a really hard time with that, because it would be basically saying that you're kind of cut off from the. It's kind of isolating you. You know what? If, what? If you know half of your friends are guys, because you know you're an, you're an engineer and that's the only people that you've been around your whole life, you know who knows yeah?
Speaker 2:Or you have a lot of brothers and so you've been around guys that have been a part of your family or what have you. Are you not allowed to be friends with them anymore? That's where I would struggle.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and I think obviously there's.
Speaker 1:these scenarios are situational and they can be, so there's a lot of factors that go into that. I think, though, you know, if we stick to what you were saying, you know, depending on if this person had some kind of relationship trauma from the past, sure, yeah, I think it would take some flexibility there to come to some kind of understanding, to where you know being sympathetic with that situation, whatever they experienced, and building the trust to a point where they know that it's going to be different with you, right? Does that make sense? Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that might take some time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it could take some time. So now let's flip that over to you. Know the people that you have in your life. Have you been in a romantic relationship with or been in a sexual relationship with a sexual situation ship even with and you know you don't have that relationship with them anymore, but you're still friends not like in depth, but you know still friends. So would those people be people that you would not feel comfortable being around or talking to, or what have you if you were in a relationship?
Speaker 1:I think it would be. Yeah, I that's, I don't know. I just I think it would be.
Speaker 2:I, we. This is what we talked about.
Speaker 1:And it's different when you've been married and divorced, like if there's like again situational, there's all these dependent factors, cause I'm just thinking obviously if you're with somebody now that uh is divorced, you have children, of course there's going to be that relationship that continues and carries on for the rest of life.
Speaker 2:Right, that's different.
Speaker 1:That's a given and that's different. But if, uh, you know, if, if you, yeah, I just, I don't, I don't know that, I, I, I just for me it's like what's the point.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a great question and I think it just depends. It depends on what that relationship was like. I mean, if it's very like I said, a surfacy type of relationship.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's not that big of a deal, you know, because you're it's not someone who is going to be you're going to miss them so much in your life, right, right? Or the relationship that you have is way more important to you than keeping a friendship that is not like a really deep friendship, right, yeah, and I think that there's a lot of value to that, sure, because it kind of, as we had been discussing when we were preparing for this, some of that really does come down to maintaining a level of respect for your partner that, even though they might not say anything, even though they may be very confident people, that's still something that maybe, in the back of their mind, they might be like I don't know, I don't know if I feel comfortable with that, or I don't know if I it just it does. It puts you at a kind of little bit of a precarious place, especially if there had been feelings, or there is a this, you know, attraction or feelings that have not been resolved or put to bed.
Speaker 2:Maybe, that wasn't the best way to put it Resolved and you know there's there's no clarity on a friend zone, you know, or anything like that.
Speaker 1:I think that that's a.
Speaker 2:That's a different thing. I think the respect for your person is more consideration. But if I did, it's like I'd be. I guess I can't be friends with that person anymore. I mean, I would just automatically probably eliminate some of those friendships just because I wouldn't want to be disrespectful to the person that I was trying to focus my energy and attention on.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's the thing it's like. If you are stepping into a relationship, that's where. That is where all your time and energy are going. So if there's texting happening, you know with past relationship people one.
Speaker 2:it's why here we go Leaving the door open, Like if there's still feelings from that person like maybe you, maybe you ended things with them.
Speaker 1:If there's still feelings with that person.
Speaker 2:That's a whole different. That's a whole different thing, you know, because you are definitely treading on very thin ice in my, in my book. There's too many things that can go wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know.
Speaker 1:and again going back to the respect issue, Do you think you would have a hard time? I know you were saying you would probably not be friends because you're putting obviously if you're going into a relationship, you're going to have that time and energy going into this relationship with this person, right? Do you think you would have a hard time as you go on? Because I know some of these people that you do you know? And they are like cool. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's like friendship there, Situationship-wise. It wasn't like the person I'm thinking of, it wasn't a relationship with them, just you know, kind of a situationship sort of a thing, and you know there is nothing going on there, but we banter, we have fun, we talk back and forth. I learn all kinds of new things. He's hilarious. Would someone understand that relationship or that friendship? Would I bring him around? I would totally bring him around someone I was dating. I wouldn't even feel uncomfortable about that. But if my person would then, yeah, that would be a problem.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you this Would your person know about the situation ship?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wouldn't keep that a secret. Okay, yeah, I think that's kind of again, kind of it's lying by omission in some ways. I mean you're going to invest the energy to bring someone around?
Speaker 2:who used to be in a relationship that's a friend of yours now, Right, and that goes back to can you be friends with people that you were in relationships with before? And if it's platonic, I think if you've got like there's a scenario I'm thinking of in my head with someone who I was 100% obsessed with when I was a kid, right or younger, and I have no desire really to be in a relationship now. I don't, I don't want that for me now. I don't. I think that he might want more than that, Not maybe now, but maybe down the road, and I don't want to leave the impression that that is that I don't want to lead him on.
Speaker 2:I guess, or put it, put myself in a position where I'm speaking out both sides of my mouth about it and I found, in conversation with talking to this one person that I spend time with on occasion, it was more like you got to shut that shit down and I'm like, okay, because the impression from a man getting a man's perspective was you need to be more clear with your intention, or what your lack of intention is it was a good learning for me, actually, because I was feeling like maybe I'm dancing around this topic too much, but maybe I just needed to be more direct about it, because I was more worried about, you know, creating problems, I guess.
Speaker 1:So communication obviously is a big one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, If you're going to maintain a friendship, Right Right, that's very very important, I think, and a lot of it goes back to, I think, your relationship with your person. Yeah, because you may be in a relationship with your person, because you may be in a relationship with a really outgoing person who has a lot of friends, friends that are women, friends that are men, I mean, I really don't care, I don't think it would bother me. I mean I've been in relationships with people that had women that were friends but they hadn't ever been with them like in a romantic way, but they were friends and they were single women, you know, whatever. I just I don't know why. I was just kind of like you got to be in a place where you maybe aren't second guessing things or feeling so insecure about it, just like, don't even like being in a place where you're not even questioning things Right?
Speaker 2:Well, a lot of that has to do with just getting to know those people. If those people are in your person's life, I want to know who those people are. Right, Because you're probably going to be spending time with them. Now. If those people are like, why are you bringing sand to the beach?
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. It's like.
Speaker 2:That's a different story and actually I can think of this one scenario where I was. There was a big trip, kind of a trip being planned with a bunch of college friends and I was obviously just on the periphery of some of these. I was part of the conversation but I wasn't really involved in the conversation and had gotten up to run to the bathroom and, you know, came back to the table, everything blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, the person I was with told me that the girl who was at the table married, had twins, was not in a romantic relationship whatsoever with this guy, had never been, had always been friends, had told him and he was pissed.
Speaker 2:He was like she said, why are you bringing sand to the beach? And I'm kind of like huh, and basically that was saying why are you bringing a girl with you when there's all these other girls there, even though you're in a committed relationship? So that, to me, was the hugest red flag about spending time around this person, because she certainly wasn't encouraging him to be in a relationship, right, and would probably put him in circumstances or encourage circumstances where you know what she don't know won't hurt her kind of a thing. I know, wow, I know so it needless to say, the sand did not go to the beach. I did not go to the beach. I've never heard that you haven't. No, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I was like, wow, okay, I mean it's a good scenario.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good, but I mean, I did not go. But at the same time, I was just like you know what, whatever, whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I'm not going to try to make it be something different. I'm not going to step up and go. No, I want to go because I'm worried about not having this. You know, whatever, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 1:If this stuff's going to happen, it's going to happen whether I'm there or not, right? That's right. Yeah, let me ask you this Do you think men and women can be friends, like, without there being anything? You know? There's kind of a stereotype, you know out there that men and women can't be friends unless you know, without something sexual happening, right? Do you think there's any truth to that?
Speaker 2:No, I mean, I have friendships with people that I have no inkling about. Yeah, and honestly, if I was in a relationship with someone who said I don't want you to be friends with them anymore, I would really have to rethink that, because there's nothing wrong.
Speaker 1:What if there's physical attraction there?
Speaker 2:That's a different story. I think that's a little different, I mean. But I mean if there's no physical attraction or anything on your end or, moreover, they're probably more worried about physical attraction on the other end, right From the person that you're friends with. But if it's this platonic thing that that there's none of that stuff going on.
Speaker 1:I'm just like bring them.
Speaker 2:You guys, if you're're going bowling, you're going to play pool, right, you know you're going out to, you know watch a band bring them, yeah, like why can't they be friends?
Speaker 1:they're all part of your life.
Speaker 2:Exactly that's kind of how I look at it so right, um, so then. Then that's the question do you think that, uh, you could maintain a friendship with somebody who you had been in a previous relationship with, if you were in a relationship?
Speaker 1:I could maintain a friendship with somebody like that Sure Would you feel comfortable doing that if you were in a relationship. Probably not Okay.
Speaker 2:So would you feel like you're having to give?
Speaker 1:up something? Well, it's just like no, probably not Okay. So would you feel like you're having to give up something? Well, it's just like no, but like so many dependent factors. But I'm just thinking of, you know, some of my past relationships that I have been in and I'm not friends with any of them, so I guess that's the answer right there it's just like but that's just me, I think I'm just. That's just me Right? Well, it's just me Right.
Speaker 1:Well, it's not like I'm friends with, well, no, but when you think about too, I lived in Spokane. I didn't grow up here. I've lived in this area, being married most of the time For 26 years. I was married with kids living over here, so it's not like I had a bunch of, you know, social things from my younger days and people that I'd be hanging out with or continuing keeping in touch with Right, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:But I think someone who's more introverted as well. I'm not saying you're introverted, but I'm just thinking about introverted people. They just don't have as many people in their life, in their acquaintance circle. You know, their core circle is pretty tight, probably uh, but their acquaintance circle is smaller whereas there's people that are like I'm in a really social job. It's like I'm around a lot of people. I'm around a lot of men, a lot of women. I don't really look at it. I don't look at it any different than I than I would anything else yeah, we go to
Speaker 1:happy hour we do this we do that, but there's no sexual attraction as a single person, though you kind of have to be aware of that, because not everybody is too cool when the single woman is hanging out and are social and friendly. You and I are both that way.
Speaker 2:Actually, that's a really good point. That's a really good point.
Speaker 1:You know, I think it's important to be cognizant of that because, there's other women that might not be comfortable with, even though it's just a friendship, a working relationship, that kind of a thing. There are other women that might not be okay with how you're able to do that.
Speaker 2:be okay with how you're able to do that it might intimidate them in some ways you know my reality TV kind of obsession, right.
Speaker 1:Oh guilty pleasure.
Speaker 2:It's a little bit of my guilty pleasure and I don't know, have any idea really why. This is a pandemic thing that started and now I'm just like I just kind of love this stuff, but it's like really, when I think about what I'm watching, it's like why am I doing that? But anyway, I digress there. There is one scenario and these are true stories.
Speaker 2:These are this one particular scenario is this kid from when I say kid, he's 30, I think from the Chicago area and he meets this girl from Poland. She's with some people in Chicago visiting and then they meet at a party or something and then she leaves to go back to Poland. Well, they stay in touch and like eight, nine months go by or whatever, and he flies out there and she thinks he's going to propose right, so they long-distanced it. This whole long-distance thing is going back and forth. Well, he looked at the long-d distance thing a little bit different than she did, because he slept with somebody during the timeframe that they were in this, the very beginning of the long distance thing, but there wasn't this committed thing.
Speaker 1:She didn't look at it that way at all.
Speaker 2:Right, but she's also younger and very innocent. You know, it's kind of the way that I and there was obviously not a discussion that went on around this but he has a good circle of friends. He's much more outgoing, social. You can just tell he likes to party. He's around, but not in a bad. I don't have this impression that he's like a hoe. I think he's just, you know, just kind of a fun person, right? Yeah, and in this group of friends there is a woman that is in this group that he dated like seven years ago. So they're all core group of friends, I think, from college or something like that. Platonic is all get out. Now she's in another relationship. You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:Well, he didn't want to tell his girlfriend in Poland about this woman that he had had a relationship or had slept with her, because he knew how she was going to respond and he didn't even really think that it was necessary because it was so long ago. And they don't even I mean, it's like they're all hanging out in front didn't even really, didn't really put a lot of thought into it, Right, and it comes up in the course of conversation after this whole scenario has come up, about how he didn't realize that he was in a relationship like committed at the very beginning. She forgave that and now this comes out and so she thinks he's lying about it. And I'm like that poor guy. He cannot even catch a break. He didn't say anything because in his mind it's not relevant. Number two she will not be okay with it and will tell him he cannot have her as a friend. And he just didn't think it was that important and it came up, you know, and so it looks like he's being untruthful or he's lying to her.
Speaker 1:I don't think he was lying. How did she find?
Speaker 2:out it was something, I don't remember exactly how she found out.
Speaker 1:That's me asking the questions I know right, I don't remember, I don't remember and do you remember if the girl and her did you say she is married.
Speaker 2:now I think she's married now or in a relationship or something?
Speaker 1:yeah, Do you know if her husband or boyfriend cared?
Speaker 2:No, they're all friends. Husband or boyfriend cared. No, they're all friends, everybody's friends. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's literally not a big deal, and I think some of it is that it's again we're talking a little bit of cultural difference too, I think, because you know he's older and the college days an American. He just looks at things a little bit differently. Yeah, she's much more conservative, and probably how she's been raised, what she's looked at, how many people she's even dated, all that kind of stuff, and so it kind of reminds me of the girls that want to get married right out of high school, sort of thing. Would it ever be?
Speaker 1:okay. For him to go out to lunch with her, just the two of them. For him to go out to lunch with her, just the two of them. If they run into, let's say they run into each other. I'm just like going hypothetical now based off this scenario. So let's say they run into each other at the mall. They're both at the mall shopping. Oh hey, oh, hey, how you doing you know, blah, blah, blah. I'm just on my lunch hour. Hey, do you want to go over? Do you want to catch a?
Speaker 1:bite to eat. Would that be okay?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think that'd be a big deal at all. So I think part of the problem with this was that she did not have any context. Really She'd never met the person. What if?
Speaker 1:he texts her ahead of time to have lunch.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know, I guess that the whole thing I mean that's getting kind of it's more kind of like that's how people can be like trust factor.
Speaker 2:And again, I think in her mind what is appropriate, not appropriate, how she was right, all those kind of things, and in his mind it was a totally different thing and he's thinking like a. He's thinking like a guy. I mean, guys think like that. A lot. Women are much. We pay much more closer attention to some of those things. She came to the US, met the people in person and now everything's fine. Oh, okay, yeah, because she realized that you know, this genuinely is a group of people. All she had to go on was the fact that he hadn't been truthful before.
Speaker 1:Kind, of lied by omission on this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so he's not being trustworthy? Yeah, legitimate, legitimate concern, but what she was saying was, if I see her, I'm going to scratch her eyes out.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness, oh damn. It's like drama of the reality. They probably had her do that yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm just like, well, that's a little extreme. You know, don't go out with him. He's 8000 miles away, it's like yeah, you can ghost him is really going to work, right. So anyway, I don't know why I got that. That's just an example, I think. When I see things like that, I'm like, oh, come on, people, there's so many other things that are important to really invest your anger in if you really want to, for sure so anyway, that's the end of that. So what no?
Speaker 1:go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was going to transition.
Speaker 1:Oh, go for it.
Speaker 2:To no go ahead. Oh, I was going to transition. Oh, go for it To the. Oh, ring my bell, Ring my bell. Okay, guys, we have the ring the bell episode finisher. At the gym they say the last cardio finisher and I'm like they're going to fucking kick our ass.
Speaker 1:I was thinking of something else, oh, Anyways what is it what?
Speaker 2:is it Okay? So here's the ring the bell question, Michelle Okay, Night sex or day sex? Which is?
Speaker 1:better, oh, night or day, day all the way. Really oh yeah, See doesn't that feel funny.
Speaker 2:I'm a total night girl.
Speaker 1:I mean, don't get me wrong, I can do day or night, or night and day, like you know, I'm just saying all day, all night, all day, all night. Yeah, you know night or day, but I'm I'm more of a morning morning person.
Speaker 2:Morning person, I mean, it does kind of start your day off, right, you know, but I don't know. I'm more of a night person myself. Yeah, so okay. Well, now everybody knows Michelle likes to have morning sex, julie likes night sex.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're good.
Speaker 2:I like to have sex anytime. Let's just be clear. Yeah and anyway, I have a morning girl, but we're not going to go. We're going to go, that's another. That's another. Ring the bell for another day, Anyway.
Speaker 1:I just say I. I just want to go back to what we were talking about today. You know, relationships, friendship, relationships outside of a dating relationship, a lot of dependent factors. I'm just trying to think of some things that I kind of got from this. There's situational things, you know, that go into it. I think respect of the partner has a lot to do with it, right? And you know, if, if there's married people, uh, that are involved like uh, I think, in doing things as couples is kind of important it, you know, shouldn't.
Speaker 2:I don't think, unless one couple is a swinger couple and the other couple isn't, and that's a whole other episode. That's a whole other episode we have coming down the road. Hopefully, hopefully, yeah.
Speaker 1:But you know, like you, when you have many friends, yeah, I mean there's going to be friends of the opposite sex. We are like 60 years old, are we? You're not yet Almost, yeah, but we're, you know, on in years.
Speaker 1:We've had a lot of relationships, don't say on in years, because that makes me feel like we need to have blue hair A lot of people that are really big parts of our life, yeah, and it's important to keep those people as part of your life. So the more you communicate and have trust in your relationship, I think it's fine.
Speaker 2:I absolutely 100% agree, I think that's the key to most everything. 100% agree, I think that's the key to most everything. Yeah, building any kind of foundation is having that trust which relates to communication Coming from the blonde and the brunette. That's our two cents. There you go, yeah. Well, on that note, thank you again, everybody for tuning in and spending some time with us. Drop your comments below. Let us know what you think we are. As Michelle said, on the socials, we'd love to hear your follows, likes and subscribes.
Speaker 2:We don't really hear them, but we like to see them.
Speaker 1:Do it, yeah, do it All. Right, everybody Peace out people See you next time.