Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40
Spicy Midlife Women is the ultimate podcast for women over 40 who are rewriting the rules of midlife, breaking free from relationship drama, and leaving toxic patterns behind.
It’s all about embracing authenticity, building meaningful connections, and living unapologetically through candid conversations, hard-earned wisdom, and raw truth.
Hosted by Jules and Michele, two midlife women with real stories and no-BS advice, the Spicy MidLife Women Podcast will guide you in redefining relationships, breaking free from what's holding you back, and reclaiming your power—one episode at a time!
Prepare to get clear on what you really want in your relationships—whether it’s romance, family, or friendships, let go of past baggage and open yourself up to the possibility of fresh, exciting connections.
You’ll also gain the wisdom and confidence to approach dating and relationships with confidence and zero judgment, and feel empowered to ditch outdated expectations, creating a life that truly feels good on your own terms.
Plus, find a supportive sisterhood along the way—because you don’t have to do this alone!
Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40
Episode 106 Laughing Through the "ICK" factor - The Instant Chemistry Killer
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever found yourself cringing at the smallest quirks in a potential partner or friend? You're not alone! As Michele the Blonde and Jules the Brunette, we share our hilarious and sometimes cringe-worthy tales of "the ick" and how these unexpected turn-offs can sneak up on you in relationships. From minor habits that make us squirm to the importance of etiquette and personal boundaries, we're spilling all the tea, with plenty of laughter and mimosas along the way.
Could a single word or gesture be the ultimate chemistry killer? Discover how certain red flags, like outdated language or inappropriate humor, can quickly escalate from minor annoyances to complete deal-breakers. We'll recount memorable moments where respect was tested and provide insights into how these interactions have shaped our views on compatibility. With a dash of humor and a touch of reflection, we dive into the impact of upbringing and cultural influences on what really gives us "the ick."
But wait, there's more! We also tackle the nuances of navigating long-term relationships and friendships, emphasizing the need for introspection and personal growth. From fashion faux pas to etiquette fails, our candid discussions reveal how personal boundaries are formed and tested. Tune in as we question the fairness of judging others on superficial traits and encourage a mindful approach to understanding and embracing differences in personal values and habits. Whether you're single or coupled up, our stories are sure to entertain and maybe even give you a fresh perspective on your own "icks.
Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!
Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.
Blonde Brunette Night Pod ICK Factors
Speaker 1Welcome to a Blonde Brunette Night Pod. We're just two Seattle besties who keep it real, definitely unfiltered, and are always ready for the last. I'm Michelle the Blonde. Hey there, I'm Jules the Brunette. Join us as we dive into all of these juicy topics like dating, women, girls, sex politics, relationships and everything between we. Each have our own perspective. Let's go.
Speaker 2Woo-hoo. Julie Shelly Belly, how are you? I'm great, yeah, yes, you know what I'm great too. We're together.
Speaker 1We're like great together. That could be a whole. Nother episode that could be a whole nother episode.
Speaker 2But we're not going to go there today.
Speaker 1We're not going to go there, I think, because we've been gearing up for this weekend. We have been podcast planning. Let's I'm just going to share our three P's.
Speaker 2Yeah, podcast planning playground.
Speaker 1Oh, yeah, there we go, I like that.
Speaker 2She comes up with all the shit.
Speaker 1I don't know, we got mimosas in hand. Yeah, you know what?
Speaker 2Why not? I look at the mimosa like a celebration drink, michelle. I think it is morning, noon or night. You could have it for anything. Yeah, I prefer a little bit more orange, why not? I look at the mimosa like a celebration drink, michelle.
Speaker 1I think it is Morning, noon or night. You could have it for anything. I prefer a little bit more orange to the Prosecco. I do a little splashy dash of crayon in there too, girlfriend.
Speaker 2What do we have? We have real glasses, yes, not hotel paper cups. She's grateful to me that I went and misappropriated them from the bar downstairs.
Speaker 1That was a good plan. I do like your bougie-ness when it's necessary.
Speaker 2So, thank you. You know what it's like life's short. Yeah, drink out of the glass.
Speaker 1You know what else is too short for the ick? Oh yeah, baby, Are you?
Speaker 2familiar with the ick? Well, yes, and I know what it is now. I mean, I've actually experienced that in my life long before I even knew what it was, and I I definitely can say that it's something that has come up many, many times for me, and I'm sure I have created it for other people too. In all fairness, you know I was telling you about my situation where, you know, my eye watered and then I would apparently I go like this with my eye and I make this funny face. I mean, I think it's kind of an ick for some people.
Speaker 1That could have been an ick for somebody. Yeah, Well, before we dive in head first to the ick factor, can you share with our listeners what is the ick?
Speaker 2Well, the ick is basically a feeling that you have when you're getting to know somebody. Maybe you've known them, it could be a friend, it could be someone you're in a relationship with.
Speaker 1That makes you go ew and with our Nordstrom background, we have always lived an acronym life, so we were like what does ICK? What could that stand for? Ick? Right, the acronym would be ICK.
Speaker 2Girlfriend came up with her own acronym. Instant Chemistry Killer right, the acronym would be ICK. Girlfriend came up with her own acronym instant chemistry killer. Yes or instant? Crush killer yes like you may have a crush. You don't even know who the person is, and then he shows up. You know, like with his, his fly down and no underwear right and he's all.
Speaker 2I would kind of go, ew, ick, ick, but is it really his fault? I mean, I mean someone's gonna tell him right? I would hope so. So like, for example, I told you about how a few weeks ago I was showing a house and I was with some new people. They didn't know me very well, they were Mary's clients, they know me very well. But I went into the house and the realtor in there totally my girl, someone I would have hung out with she said you have lipstick on your tooth. And I'm like, oh my God, you're my girl. Yeah, because that would be an ick for somebody.
Speaker 2And she told me what was going on, so I could very nicely get the lipstick off my tooth.
Speaker 1So we've, of course, like I said, podcast planning playground for the last 24 hours. We're planning out this next year. We have some great content that we're going to be doing and we were, of course, talking about this episode Correct, yeah, and looking into it. It factors and it doesn't, to your point, always have to be something that is in a dating aspect, dating relationship there's components of marriage. The factor can come later, and how do we is in a dating aspect dating relationship there's components of marriage, how the ick factor can come later and how do we deal with that?
Speaker 2There is ick factors in friendships, not just romantic relationships, and I think it depends on the depth of your friendship, on how much you can actually share. We were talking about Michelle and I. If she did something that was an ick for me, I would just say ew.
Speaker 1Girlfriend Don't do that. And then she'd be like why?
Speaker 2What's the big deal? We'd have a conversation about that you know, and she would probably laugh at me because she thinks that I have too many icks, and especially ones related to etiquette, we found as we were preparing for this which all goes back to my upbringing and etiquette we found as we were preparing for this, which all goes back to my upbringing, and etiquette, yeah, etiquette.
Speaker 2Yeah, like you know, yeah, we'll get into that a little bit. Yes, we will Some of the common areas that people have. I wanted to just break down a little bit on, like I don't say categories, but I'm just going to kind of dive into a few of these. I'm not going to get into detail. And then we have some questions we are going to share with each other. Yeah, that I don't know which ones you're going to ask me.
Speaker 1Oh, here we go.
Speaker 2Here's some of the categories that you seem to run into this with, and again, it can be relationship related, it can be family related, it can be whatever you know. But it is just kind of like something where you're like maybe I'm not really into being around that person, or maybe they're not the right person for me, or I don't know if I I don't know can I tell them that it's grossing me out, or do I say anything?
Speaker 2Yeah that sort of thing. So hygiene, obviously it can be any kind of hygiene, but like, maybe they don't like wear deodorant, or they slept in their clothes, you know, or they're showing up to a really nice dinner and they haven't taken a horse shower.
Speaker 1Oh, goodness, I'm just joking. A real shower, a real shower A real shower, michelle.
Speaker 2It's a horse shower, but whatever Depends, because her hair always looks good. Stop that I don't know, body shower.
Speaker 1Thank you, okay, whatever depends because her hair always looks good. Stop that, I don't know body shower.
Speaker 2Thank you okay, I think that, yes, there's not just pits, and privates, can we?
Speaker 1yeah, let's move on from that that was another episode. We are done with that. Moving on to the it okay.
Speaker 2Well, she never. She never smells bad, so I don't know, might be okay um overconfidence when someone's like just all about themselves, yeah that kind of grosses me out a little bit, or when I see men who are just way overdoing it with the car, the cologne the honestly women too, if they're friends, yeah, like friends.
Speaker 1I use air quotes on that. You know, if it's somebody that you've been spending time with, that can be an ick for me. Yeah, in just a regular Like I don't have any friends that have.
Speaker 2Brazilian butt lifts.
Speaker 1Oh no, I don't think I do, I don't know.
Speaker 2I'd want to grab their ass and find out what it felt like if I did, but would it give me the ick? It's like a whole different like category of a friend. In my opinion that's like a friend Probably you're going out and hanging out and doing stuff with, not someone you're like around all the time.
Speaker 1I don't know, I could be wrong. That's I don't know how to respond to that.
Speaker 2I don't just go to the gym and work on that BBL, the natural BBL, that's just me. But anyway more categories yeah uh talking too much about themselves. We mentioned, uh, poor table manners. Um yeah, let be like talking with your mouth open things like that or not too much? Boy you never shut up but I mean it could also be where, um, you know some. I mean I'm big on, obviously, on the table manner thing, but on, I mean to degree, it's like it can be over the top too.
Speaker 1So I think it just really depends, you don't?
Speaker 2want to be uncomfortable, but you want to be well put together I guess is what I'm saying and being too needy or clingy.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Total turn off, kind of an ew. But there's the opposite of that. That is like Please be a little bit needy or clingy. You know who you are. Okay, I'm just joking oh, are you yeah no are you right, can?
Speaker 1yeah, anyways, moving on. Uh, lack of ambition, lack of ambition Having some goals. What are we?
Speaker 2doing here Right being rude to service workers. That's like a deal breaker for me honestly. It's not even like an ick, it's like a ew gross.
Speaker 1Well, and I think there's some things telling in that category, like patience and understanding and just being kind Can say a lot about a person in that type of a situation.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's like well, you bet you better do this, because you're gonna, if you want to get a tip, I mean, I've heard people do that and I'm like, oh my God, really, that is like the rudest thing. Yeah, do being dishonest or lying, yeah. And I think that all kind of correlates to ethics in different situations and like making bad choices. You've heard that saying you know, uh, what you do when nobody's watching is really a true testimony to your, your personality, or to your, your person, your, yeah, you.
Speaker 1Are that actually as far as an ick factor that might not even come to fruition until you might not even know? You might not even know, you don't know.
Speaker 2So that's something that could be down the road, yeah and maybe it's just something that they need to talk through, and so it's an ick, but it's something that you can work through. Right, and we'll talk about those two. But public displays of affection too much of it, I'm sorry. I don't see the point in doing too much PDA.
Speaker 1I think it's that's like making out mashing it like on a out there in public leaning against your car or something right, that's like you know.
Speaker 2When the van comes knocking, don't start rocking.
Speaker 1Well wait, how does that say that when the van is rocking, don't?
Speaker 2bother knocking. That's kind of public, I guess. But no, I'm joking, I'm just talking about regular. I mean holding hands or hugging or giving someone a kiss, whatever. No big deal, but like totally going, like tongue action down their throat.
Speaker 1Yeah totally going like tongue action down their throat. Yeah, just so unappealing. Yeah, I just I don't want to, I don't need to watch that, didn't you? Didn't you experience that I did? Yeah, yeah, we actually had it on an episode and I'm like yeah, that was a big fat ick factor.
Speaker 2That one, that one was definitely one and well, maybe three and done. I think I went out with him three times, but done anyway. Um, and then excessive social media use. Yeah, because I I'm like be in the moment. Try to be in the moment with me. I say this with tongue in cheek because I can do the same thing. Right, we're not like these perfect people that don't do all these things.
Speaker 1I think it depends on the situation, the setting, the timing of it. You know if it's, but yeah, the timing of it. You know if it's, but yeah, I can see where it would be an ick factor if, if somebody is always like in every little moment of free time they're on their phone, yep, scrolling social media yeah right, yeah, uh, that would be a turnoff. I I would say for me it would be yeah, the turnoff a total ick.
Speaker 2I I can think of this one thing, um, just quickly that I I had never even met this man, but I had been talking to him and back and forth and he sent sent some messages. I think it was mother's day or something about. Oh, I hope you have a great mother's day, whatever. Whatever. And some woman I don't even know who she was somehow managed to figure out, maybe she saw his phone or whatever the case is, but she messaged me and she goes. I just want to let you know. He was with me last night, spent the night at my house, had dinner or breakfast with my son and I, and you know, I just want you to know what you're getting into. And all of a sudden I was just like, well, obviously I wasn't interested, but I was just like, oh God, how gross.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2That girl just saved me a major headache.
Speaker 1Well and okay, that's great for you, but does she not see the ick factor in that for herself? Well, I'm hoping.
Speaker 2I don't know, I didn't Right.
Speaker 1I wasn't gonna get into it with her.
Speaker 2But I'm like, I'm really hoping you're not thinking that you know you're trying to light. Yeah, alleviate any other competition right because you want him because you can have him yeah, yeah and that guy keeps hitting me up really still to this day I have blocked him on everything because I had said no, I'm not interested, I, you know whatever anyway, totally instant chemistry killer yeah which was probably inevitable. Anyway, yeah, just seeing what I see, so maybe she did me okay, so there's an example um, do you?
Red Flags and Etiquette in Dating
Speaker 1do you have another one? Let's talk about what. What is a memorable ick?
Speaker 2maybe the most memorable ick that you've ever experienced I have one from a couple years ago that uh, I mean I'll mention I'd gone out with this person a couple times. He seemed pretty nice.
Speaker 1Nice guy.
Speaker 2The first ick which I let go on the second date was that he was wearing a T-shirt that had a Playboy bunny on the front of it, like a black T-shirt with a white Playboy. It's more kind of like a hmm.
Speaker 1Well, let's bring up how because we were talking about this too how sometimes the ick initially manifests itself as what we coined the term, as a red flag. Red flag, yep, right, but the actual ick is a moment where you actually feel the ew.
Speaker 2Yeah, where you're like oh my God.
Speaker 1Yeah, like there might have been. So like the Playboy. Yeah, that might have been a tiny bit of a red flag.
Speaker 2That was like it was a red flag, it was up, it was going up and it's like, and of course, my, my spidey senses are out and I'm like, oh God, what else is going to happen? Sure enough, sure enough, by the end of this, by the end of this date or whatever it was the we were waiting for the check. And he's looking around and he and he's like, where is that broad anyway? And I was like, what the fuck to myself? I'm like he just called this woman abroad. Am I being like overly sensitive?
Speaker 2no, I don't think I am and I said to him it's like, did you seriously just call the server abroad? He goes and he thought it was funny.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm like okay.
Speaker 2I'm done.
Speaker 1Instant chemistry killer Right.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah and for sure, broad. First of all, it's like who uses that word. That's like someone who's 80 years old would use that word Right. That's like an old word, but I mean you, but I mean you. I have. I have a friend who's younger. We've talked about some of these things before because they're like having conversations amongst themselves. They're maybe in their 30s or 40 and they're calling women bitches. They're not saying they're bitches, that's what they say it's, yeah, it's like it's kind of different.
Speaker 1Now let me sound old for a minute.
Speaker 2I don't like it, yeah or he was, or he had messaged me about something and he was like get your old stanky ass down. And I was just like what are you sending me? Why are you?
Speaker 1saying these things. Well, and that's kind of where we were saying that comes into with etiquette. I mean truly Well, no, it's just the way he is. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2And then he was telling me oh, that's from a comedian Blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
Speaker 1Sorry, oh sorry I didn't, but it's like I'm not in on obviously the, the, whatever they why would you?
Speaker 2why would you? I don't know. Yeah, he thought it was funny.
Speaker 1Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm not dating him.
Speaker 2So that could be why we're just friends, but yeah anyway. So so that would be mine Do you have. Do you have one? I do?
Speaker 1I'd love we were talking about this, and so I was dialing it way back, way back to when I was like 18 years old. Oh, wow, right, that was only like two weeks ago 100 years ago, Right.
Drunk Driving in Spokane
Speaker 1So I was dating, kind of dating this guy, and at the time I was a server, right. So he was actually a guy customer that would come in the restaurant. He was a little bit older than me but we had gone out on a few dates. We like went sailing on a he had a sailboat sailing in Coeur d'Alene. Like we did some things and we liked each other. There was an attraction there, Um, and I had invited him to my work Christmas party.
Speaker 2Oh boy.
Speaker 1So yeah, let me just like give you the reader Digest version. He got really drunk. He took mushrooms. I found that out later, I didn't know at the time that he had done that. So definitely crossfaded. It's like zero degrees below zero in Spokane Washington.
Speaker 2Snow on the ground. I bet it's.
Speaker 1Christmas time right, okay. He had driven his truck we were in downtown Spokane. He's like passed out I literally barely got him to the truck that he drove us there in and he's like out, like literally cold, not to mention it's cold outside. Speaking of which, I can't just leave him there because he'll freeze to death and then I'll be responsible for his death.
Speaker 2You could, but that wouldn't have been the right thing to do freeze to death and then I'll be responsible for his death.
Speaker 1You could, but that wouldn't have been the right thing to do. I wanted to, but so, yeah, I had to. I think the truck wouldn't start because maybe I was going to try and drive it home. But for whatever reason, I called a cab, hailed a cab, whatever. It's the middle of the night I had to drag his like dead weight body into the cab back to my place, dead weight body into the cab, back to my place. And the first thing he does in the morning is runs into the kitchen and throws up in my sink.
Speaker 2oh my god, yeah, giant ew, instant crush killer, because there was one, but like not anymore that was done you can't even imagine you're like, no like, even having a vision of what you would be doing with this packed that shit up and threw it out the door.
Speaker 1Yeah, we were that he knew, I would imagine oh, he knew yeah and you know, and then you know he's a customer at the restaurant, so he's still got to serve him his bacon and eggs and whatever else, and like there you go, there's no way for you to ghost this man right back in the day.
Speaker 2No ghosting yeah, she can go hide in the back or whatever nope, okay, so that, so that's your most memorable I I mean, we probably have a few but yeah just the one that came to mind was that one not that long ago, and I was just like really, yeah, okay no, but what it really kind of goes back to is a very different way of looking.
Speaker 2So if you really dig deeper the fact that he's calling women broads and he's doing it in front of someone who he's really only known for a few dates yeah, it's like what the hell else is going to happen sure you know, especially in the beginning yeah, yeah, it's like kind of yeah, it's like yeah, that's.
Speaker 2That's not something that I think someone could come back from in my for me. Yeah, Because I would think that they would say wow, that level of disrespect. What happens when they get pissed. You know, that's that's what would go on in my mind. I don't really want to find out. Yeah, nope, Smart decision. So let's see what's something that will instantly give you the ick, no matter who does it. Is there anything that you can think of instantly give?
Navigating Relationship "Icks" and Compatibility
Speaker 1you the ick, no matter who does it. Is there anything that you can think of Instant ick, no matter who does it? I mean, there's probably some icks that I can think about with my boys, you know, and when it happens, I'm thinking, hopefully he doesn't do that in front of a woman or in front of a girl that he likes, right. I'm just trying to think, I don't know, like don't brush your teeth before you. I don't know, but there's things that he likes, right.
Speaker 2I'm just trying to, I don't know, like don't brush your teeth before you, I don't know, but there's things that can be, you know, and you don't really feel compelled to say anything as a mom now because they're older, they're adults, yeah, and again, it might be totally looked at differently by someone else, right? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1But that's. But that's something so like when you say longterm. So those are things that can come to fruition that maybe they're not as recognizable in the beginning. Or you think it's something that you're so infatuated with the person or like really liking that person that you overlook what some of the icks might be. You don't even see that it's an ick, you don't even establish that it's an egg, you don't even establish that there's an egg.
Speaker 2I mean, sometimes I think they can be very surface level things.
Speaker 2Yeah that you just don't, but they. But they indicate other things. You know and this is going to sound super shallow, I'm totally calling myself out but I think a lot of it comes from where we were raised, you know, in the world of the designer world or in the world of fashion or what have you. Not that we're these fashionistas necessarily, but when someone isn't put together, it's kind of an ick. When they don't have a thought process on what they're doing, it's kind of an ick to me because it kind of makes me go what else are they doing? But do you feel like they always have?
Speaker 1to be on point.
Speaker 2No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1I'm just saying in terms of first impressions and things like that. You want to put your best foot forward when you're meeting someone, are they? Faking it then until they make it.
Speaker 2No, I don't look at it that way. I look at it like you become. It's kind of like Michelle.
Speaker 1Oh, no think about it.
Speaker 2It's like would you fart in front of your boyfriend of two weeks. No, Okay.
Speaker 1Would you fart in front of your husband at 20 years?
Speaker 2I mean not intentionally, not intentionally, but you wouldn't be thinking about it and going. You wouldn't be at a hotel with someone that you've been seeing for six months and go down to the people are just like that.
Speaker 1So and I guess, but to be fair, there are those people that think that's funny, yeah, and would probably enjoy that.
Speaker 2Yeah, they fart and they pull the covers over your head. Yeah, those people, yeah I actually. I actually would prefer being around someone who does not care about those things, but not the same person who's like out in public going, you know, ripping, ripping a fart.
Speaker 1I don't Okay, so I guess there's. I can think of somebody. I'm not going to call anybody out, but it's one of my boys.
Speaker 2I'm not calling anybody out, but it's one of the 25% chance.
Speaker 1But they, they intentionally burp, like not on purpose like let me draw this air out of me so I can just belch, for no reason, right, but after they've eaten he's eaten and he doesn't hold back.
Speaker 2I know which kid it is.
Speaker 1He's just out with it.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1You know, because it's a natural function. It's a natural function, it's comfortable, it's good for your body, which I know, all these things. But that's an example of one of the things where I'm like I hope he doesn't do that in front of a girl, you know. I mean Isaac, love you. But we'll just say he knows he does it and actually he has done it in front of the girl that he's and she probably.
Speaker 2Well, he's obviously very comfortable.
Speaker 1So comfortable. But that's what I mean. It's just like a natural kind of a thing, but not everybody would be okay with that, and you know, oh my God, michelle, the household I grew up in.
Speaker 2You were not allowed, you did not burp yeah and you didn't. You weren't allowed to say the word fart.
Speaker 1I wasn't. My dad's name was Art, but that's the reason. I wasn't allowed, we had to say pass wind.
Speaker 2Yeah, or let wind, or something like that. And then, oh my gosh, it was like a huge apology. So you can kind of see where some of that comes from, right, yeah, like it's really not a bodily function for anybody, but my dad, I mean. I don't know Ben he would never do that in front of everybody. So I don't know that. I don't know that that was anything but it's how you're raised to you know, the things that you're exposed to that make a difference.
Speaker 2So, like in Mary's family, much different. It's like she had brothers. You know that were a lot of. She had three brothers and they were doing all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1So it was very common in their household. My household not so much. So there's a lot of factors that go into what some of these ick things might be that somebody might not even think twice about, right that. On the flip side, somebody else to your point based on how they were raised, it's a thing, right. So I guess that's a little disclaimer for all the icks out there that aren't intentional. You know, not all icks are intentional.
Speaker 2Right, we recognize that and they're not all deal breakers either. I mean, there's definitely like, there's things that you know you might meet someone or you might be in a relationship with someone who really doesn't have any sense of and I'm just throwing this one out there but any sense of style. Let's just say, not that again, we're fashionistas, but at the same time it's like you can work with that. I mean, you can kind of encourage him not to wear Kirkland jeans. What about what? I don't know, it just came up Kirkland jeans.
Speaker 2You know like Costco jeans.
Speaker 1What's wrong with what? Why? What's wrong with Costco jeans? I'm just saying it's like no, that's a totally, that's it. That's a judgy, that's a judge, it is judging, but I'm just saying, I'm just telling you, it's like you can work with them. What if they're high water? There's nothing wrong with what if they're wearing like oh, we talked about mixed socks bought jeans from walmart, but did they have a walmart label on them? Doesn't matter, what does it matter? Why? Why does that matter? I don't want labels. This is a whole other episode. Yeah, okay, moving on just like wearing shirts.
Speaker 2It's like you won't really see me wearing stuff that's advertising other stuff.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2So anyway, I mean I don't wear like true religions that have the big true religion thing on the butt.
Speaker 1Okay, back to the it. Anyway, back to the it. So what about what do you think when, like, there's no ick and all of a sudden something happens or this is dating, this is dating, obviously they do something that just in a moment gives you the ick. Have you ever experienced just like like it? I mean that's kind of my story, but I mean, like we're dating, we're meeting family, we're moving on, and then all of a sudden there's something that they do or did in a social setting or in a family setting, whatever it is, where you're just like, ew, did that just happen?
Speaker 2Again goes back to Did they just do that how they were raised? Yeah, and you know what was okay? Maybe they didn't. And then you question the ick. Then you question it because you're kind of like it's deeper. To me it's like deeper, it's not necessarily just this surface thing, but I think it dives below the surface to some degree because something's creating that for you. Yeah, Right, and so that. And it goes back to like the episode we had last week on standards.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Versus expectations. It's like you know, you're kind of measuring all those things. When you have friendships you're creating, or when you are dating or you're in that you know world where you're married or whatever, you have these standards and expectations. So most of the time you're going to end up being around somebody who's similar in their thought process in regard to those things than you are. But they may have pet peeves too. Pet peeves, whatever you want to call them, icks. I mean, they're kind of the same thing in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2Do you think there's such a thing as having too many icks? Michelle?
Navigating Relationship Etiquette and Chemistry
Speaker 1I think that, yes, I think there is, and that's where it becomes. You have to really recognize yourself on why. To really recognize yourself on why? Why are there so many things or so many red flags, or so many icks that are coming about? Does it mean you're being too judgmental, all of those? Are you not flexible? You know all of those things that are necessary if we're talking about a relationship, right and um, nobody's perfect for God's sake.
Speaker 1I know, including us, nobody's perfect and but but it's. That's why, when we were talking about the actual ick, that instant crush or chemistry killer uh, mostly in a dating situation. But then we were expanding on things that went into all these other areas, right, and there's friendships, things that can come to light in a long-term relationship, a marriage, all of those kinds of things. So then you're going to have to figure out how you're consciously going to deal with that stuff. And you know what, honestly, when it comes to those types of situations in friendships or long-term relationships or marriages, a lot of times we're pointing the finger at that point.
Speaker 2I think, yeah, it becomes something that they're nitpicking on.
Speaker 1Yeah, we're pointing the finger at these faults or whatever it might be that is turning you off. But then this is cliche, and if you can't see me, I'm pointing my finger, but you have three pointing back at you when you do that. So what is it that I need to work on, or what are the things you know that I need to maybe be cognizant of?
Speaker 1and how I'm reacting to this stuff. You know how I'm dealing with it, especially, like I said, I'm talking long term relationships that you're in, and so it's not always just pointing the faults out in somebody else, but really kind of looking inward too and seeing why, why is it that that is, and what can I do to maybe not feel as judgmental, you know okay, let me ask you this.
Speaker 2Okay, do you think Rick has any icks for you?
Speaker 1honestly there. We were talking about this earlier and I don't I don't have any icks with Rick.
Speaker 2I know, and that's actually okay, and if you did, you'd just say don't do that.
Speaker 1Yeah, Like I. Really. There's no X with Rick.
Speaker 2But do you think he has any with you? I don't know you were suggesting one thing.
Speaker 1We would have to ask him if there's any. X. I know that my household is more. I'm not even going to use the word cluttery, but I just have more going on in my household at any given moment. So there's, I have more stuff on my kitchen counters. There's, there's more things that are out and about. You like how I put that more things happening in my household um, so you walk upstairs to my household yeah, as I don't have I mean, those are just preferences, you know?
Speaker 2yeah, you know that's how your mind thinks and stuff.
Speaker 1But if we actually lived in the same space we'd be having a conversation yeah and I don't, yeah, and it's like is that a, is that an ick? I don't, I don't know I don't know. So I mean, for some people it might be chemistry killer, because you know we still got plenty of chemistry going on well again, some things are.
Speaker 2some things are very easy to deal with and others not so much, and I think a lot of that has to do with the depth of the relationship. Like I was saying with you, it's like if there's something that you did that I would go. Another way of saying ick for me is ew, I like ew, like that. If you did something like that, I'd be like Michelle ew and then you'd be looking at me like what, what did I do, you know? Like we were talking about, like what is something that we just immediately it doesn't matter who does it, whatever. If I was at work, for example, and I saw someone have their foot up on the counter, like at their desk, or their fingernails, and they're clipping their nails and stuff and it's like in public, I would be so grossed out. I'd be just like why are you doing that?
Speaker 2here, there's like there's a time and a place for everything, and I just feel like that's one of the things that needs to be done like well, that's etiquette and's that's is it though?
Speaker 1Yes, I mean. I mean, it's definitely etiquette, but your foot up on your desk and start clipping your Tony.
Speaker 2But who does that? That's what I'm saying. It's like, who does that?
Speaker 1I mean, I'm sure there's somebody, but yeah, I don't know what, the why, but then there's other things you know kind of like.
Speaker 2This morning we were having breakfast and Michelle sent her plate down and went to go get some coffee and I ate her bacon. I ate half of the piece of bacon and I put it back on her plate. She didn't even notice. But is that appropriate etiquette? Hell no but, I, don't care.
Speaker 2I know she won't get mad at me, so I did it anyway. Would I do that with everybody? No, I absolutely would not. Yeah, it's like leave my food alone, kind of a thing. Anyway, so, to sum it all up, to sum it all up, I think it's important to understand that we have things within our life that are intolerable for us, or things that make us go. You know, and it's okay, I think, digging a a little deeper, which is really what I've been doing, having thought about this conversation uh, is why? The why behind those things, like the guy with the broad comment and the playboy t-shirt comment, the more in-depth, who really comes from the fact that he probably has a healthy disrespect for women in one way or another.
Speaker 1I wasn't interested in finding out. He was representative of that and how he spoke and in what he was wearing and he was super comfortable about it too.
Speaker 2So another one like you mentioned about your guy from when you were younger is going out with people who drink too much.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2You know, or they're like over drinking. You know, not even getting super drunk, but it's like over drinking, which would indicate that they probably drink a lot if they're not getting super drunk. I don't really want to be around people that are always drinking to the point of excess. I mean, we have our moments, Hell, we have our freaking mimosas here, right, I'm almost done with mine, but I'm not going to go home and have another one. I might I don't know if she brings it upstairs. I might I don't know. But to my point.
Speaker 2I'm trying to make is not something that is an everyday thing, right? And is that a judgment? You know what? If it is, I don't give a shit because it's just how I feel. Preference, yeah, it's a preference, but it's also could be like maybe not the right person, sure Kind of a thing, yeah, or even a family member, you know, if they drink too much around you, it's like maybe you just kind of don't spend as much time or conversation because there could be an addiction problem. They might not have decided that they have a problem. So that's like a different world altogether. But when it comes to like the etiquette things or you know stuff, like that different story.
Speaker 1So the ick, instant chemistry or crush killers, that's right. Something to think about, that would be a fun little twist-wisty on words there, and something to bring to light, that's right. So what's next? Well, you know what's next.
Speaker 2I don't know what question she's asking.
Speaker 1Ringy dingy that bell Ring my bell.
Speaker 2Okay, I have a really bad one. Ring my bell.
Speaker 1Do, do, do. The question is is chivalry dead? What do you think Chivalry?
Speaker 2So is this my toxically feminine side of me answering this? I mean, I guess it's just. That's just the question. Do I want my cake and eat it too? I think you do. Hell, yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, I don't think so. I don't think it is, and but when you look at what chivalry really means, I mean it's you know how you treat someone of the opposite sex, typically men treating women. I don't need to have my door open for me every single time and I don't need to have, you know, someone get my water for me. I don't need all of those things, but the fact that they would recognize or understand or even put their best foot forward when we're going out or what have you, would make me feel a lot more comfortable, like they're concerned about me. They're concerned about you. Know why?
Speaker 1just when you're going out, though I would think that, if it matters, it should matter all the time.
Speaker 2Well, it goes both ways. I know chivalry is really something that's designed to be Well. When we hear that word, I think about men and how they treat women, of course. Yeah, but really it kind of goes both ways. A lot of it's just an initial, but you would think of that as submissive?
Speaker 1no, not necessarily, julie I absolutely would not, or if it's not happening both ways. No, I'm just saying when, the when the woman is like catering to her man, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as it's reciprocal.
Speaker 2I, I, but that's, and it's not that I'm having to do what he's telling me to do because he's a man. That's a very different thing. Well, no, that's different, because what he's telling me to do because he's a man, that's a very different thing.
Speaker 1Well, no, that's different, because if he's telling you to do it, expects me to do it.
Speaker 1Or expects you to do it if you're wanting to do it. So, chivalry, I think that the modern times and the modern woman I'm just going to lump that into one giant category nobody's specific or particular but Is that your disclaimer? Yes, these modern times have made it very difficult for men to be that chivalry type of a man. I'm just speaking of a man in regard. That's just like you said. That's what I think of when it's chivalry, because I am the type yes, I would like to have my. I'm completely capable of doing all the things. Yes, right, but I think it's just. You know, when a man is cognizant enough, whether it's a stranger or somebody you're in a relationship with, you know, I appreciate it when they open the door as I'm walking in and are thoughtful about that. I appreciate if my car doors open, if they're walking on the right side of me when we're walking on the side all of those things, just knowing that they're cognizant of that, to do it.
Speaker 1I appreciate that and it's thoughtful. Yes, and it is chivalry, 100% agree.
Speaker 2Now our generation, I feel like, has a better understanding of what that looks like and what that means, and I don't think it necessarily correlates to, you know, toxic femininity or sexism or anything like that. When I'm joking around when I say I want the best of both, well, I do want the best of both worlds, but where I expect the best of both worlds, it's like you also have to give. It's like you're not going to expect a lot of that type of behavior if you're not. You know, not like I'm going to go open someone's door for them all the time or whatever, but is it just like? Is it chivalrous for the man to always pick up the bill? I mean, theoretically, that's the way probably people look at it, that that's the way probably people look at it.
Speaker 1That's what I'm saying. These modern times make it very difficult to know what that looks like.
Speaker 2I think it's different for everybody, yeah, but it definitely is noticeable when you're getting to know somebody if they do not possess those traits or those qualities or having been taught what that looks like, and that's hard for me.
Speaker 1Somebody, because I was talking about this once and this, this person said to me you know cause? Cause I was saying, yes, I want my door open for me. Yes, I want all of those things, we're just. Yes, I want flowers, whatever.
Speaker 1Yes yes, yes. And you know, this person said but I thought you wanted to be able to, I thought you wanted to do everything yourself, like that's what I mean when I say and that really, when they brought that to my attention, I was like huh, yeah, we, us women, nowadays we do make it very challenging for men, for men, to be men and to do those things. In that context, yeah, when we're talking about chivalrous things, you know, um am I a feminist?
Speaker 2Yeah, about chivalrous things, you know. Am I a feminist? Yeah, I mean to some degree. I'm not like I'm not over the top, I'm not burning my bra anywhere. I mean it's like do I believe in women's rights and all that? Absolutely, 100% yeah, but do I think that they have to be defined in different categories? Not necessarily, because just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean that I can't be feminine, doesn't mean that I can't be treated with respect and kindness or treated like a woman, treated like someone, who a person cares about.
Speaker 1I don't know that they correlate Well and to your point, it does go both ways and I think and of course I'm just thinking about my own relationship because we do have those things like I'll make him a drink and bring it up to the bedroom. I'll do those things that some women might think are I was joking earlier, but you know, we do have a joke amongst each other when it comes to being submissive, you know, and it comes from Michelle wants to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
Speaker 2Oh, not pregnant, that would be impossible.
Speaker 1But you know, oh, not pregnant, Just barefoot, that would be impossible.
Speaker 2But you know, give me some pearls and I'll cook in the kitchen, yeah, and I'm kind of like I'm the hunter, she's the gatherer. I don't know, I'm not even a hunter. It's like I don't want to kill anything.
Speaker 1But you get my drift right, so anyways, I don't think it's dead.
Speaker 2I'm eating all the chocolate cake. I can Thanks everybody for listening.
Speaker 1Yes, we're going to wrap this up. Like I said, we've got a lot of great things planned for 2025, uh, with our podcast planning playground that we, uh, we're doing this weekend. So, um, look forward to having many more conversations, many more laughs from these two. Let's just tell them our tagline Okay.
Speaker 2Our tagline for 2025 is real woman, authentic women, authentic women real talk, real talk and let's go yeah. Okay, I didn't even know what it was. Let's do it again.
Speaker 1Okay, should we tell them our tagline for 2025? Let's go, yeah. Okay, I didn't even know what it was.
Speaker 2Let's do it again. Okay, should we tell them our tagline for 2025?
Speaker 1Let's do it All right.
Speaker 2Authentic women.
Speaker 1Real talk, let's go. Yeah, there you have it, so you can find us out on all the socials. Thank you so much for listening. Continue sharing with your friends. We appreciate the downloads.
Speaker 2And we are on YouTube. That was the one thing I wanted to mention, and LinkedIn. We're going to start going on LinkedIn, some other platforms that we're on, but the I forgot what I was gonna say. I do this all the time. I forgot what I was gonna say.
Speaker 1Do you remember? No, apparently not September.
Speaker 2It doesn't matter if I don't remember. Anyway thank you everybody for tuning in and we will chat with you next week on another topic Peace out, peace out, bye, bye.