3. Redefining the Midlife Woman Playbook

In this episode, Jules and Michele dig into what it really means to redefine midlife on your own terms. From embracing boundaries and reclaiming your sensuality to breaking free from the hustle mindset and releasing outdated beauty standards, they unpack the messy, magical, and powerful process of stepping into your next chapter. With their signature mix of honesty and humor, the duo shares stories, insights, and questions that every woman over 40 deserves to hear...because midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s a call to rise.

You’ll learn:

• What redefining midlife actually looks like (hint: it’s not a sports car)
• How to embrace the power of “no” and set boundaries that protect your peace
• Why sensuality isn’t about sex...it’s about fully feeling alive
• The shift from hustle to flow, and why midlife invites softer strength
• How beauty evolves in midlife and why depth outshines youth
• The importance of owning your story (even the messy chapters)
• How guilt and shame hold us back and what happens when we release them
• Why aging isn’t something to fight, it’s something to embody
• How to reconnect with your sexual identity, curiosity, and pleasure
• Why midlife sisterhood and safe, judgment-free community is so needed

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life. 

Transcript

Intro to Spicy Midlife Women Podcast

Speaker 1 0:28

Hey, hey, all you spicy women out there. This is Jules and Michelle here bringing you the ultimate podcast for women over 40. And we are bringing you no BS conversations and real life stories, right, michelle?

Speaker 2 0:43

Oh, that's right here to help all of you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch toxic cycles and reclaim your power, one episode at a time. So let's get into it, let's do this.

Speaker 1 0:57

So our episode three is talking about and sharing ways to redefine being a midlife woman. Yeah, because I think this is something that we probably need to talk about a little bit more. What exactly does that look like? Are we all going through a midlife crisis?

Speaker 2 1:15

I think that we all do. Yeah, Really we do.

Speaker 1 1:19

It's not like buying a sports car, and no Okay.

Setting Boundaries and Saying No

Speaker 2 1:23

We're breaking down silently inside, yes, and that it's kind of like a crisis, I think and maybe I'm just saying that because that's what happened to me and so I think that it's the same for all women uh, but being able to talk about some of this, as far as Redefinition, if I had podcasts to listen to when I was 40, can I just tell you what?

Speaker 1 1:46

Oh, I know there was nothing really to listen to back then that I can think of there was was Sally, jesse Raphael and Geraldo, and Oprah. Well, Oprah would have probably been okay, but it wasn't talking about women's topics.

Speaker 2 1:59

No, I mean sometimes, every once in a while, ricky Lake maybe. Oh geez, now you're really pushing it Right, phil Donahue, anyways.

Speaker 1 2:07

So we're talking about embracing, you know, one of these concepts is embracing the power of no and the liberation of really saying yes, right, when you choose to. So what's that called?

Speaker 2 2:19

That's called, you know setting clear boundaries, stopping the people pleasing right. I mean so many of us women do that.

Speaker 1 2:27

I certainly can take a little note from this podcast episode because I have a tendency to do that a little bit Not as much as some people that I know, but I think that having clear boundaries sometimes surprises people, and even just kind of guiding my own children and telling them it's okay to have boundaries, it's not. You're not being cruel, you're not being mean, you're just really putting yourself first in a situation where you don't necessarily feel like you have a voice.

Speaker 2 2:55

So well, and it's really honoring the things that can drain you, so like extreme, you know, and it's protecting what feeds you, yep, you know. So I think it's super important, those and, like I said, I just have started this in the last probably four years of my life.

Speaker 1 3:18

And before you were just like going with the flow. Go with the flow, trying to keep everybody happy. Yeah, I've definitely done a lot more of this as I've gotten older.

Reclaiming Your Sensuality As a Woman

Speaker 1 3:26

Yes, and we'll get into this a little bit more later but clear boundaries, you know, redefining where you are in your midlife and you know how that is going to look. One of the things that probably would be very important is to really identify what your boundaries are, because you want to make sure that you're putting yourself in a place where you feel comfortable with the people you're around, the decisions that you're making, the places you're going. You know the company that you keep, frankly, so it's okay to have those boundaries. It means honoring, like you said, you know, what does drain you and suck the life out of you, yeah, and protecting what feeds you yeah. Exactly there you go. So another area was we've talked about this in the episode we had a little bit last week, but we were talking about reclaiming your sensuality and I think sometimes it's not even reclaiming it's discovering and not apologizing for it right, turn up the volume on it there's nothing wrong with that and turn it up bright and let it shine.

Speaker 1 4:30

And as women, I think we have not necessarily been given that grace to do that. In a lot of ways it's more. You know that we and I'm totally talking in stereotypes here a little bit but you know it's kind of an expectation with men that they are, you know, turning theirs on and it's like, but we really have not talked about it because it's not quote ladylike, it's not something that you know a classy woman would do, or what have you Like. It's not something that you know a classy woman would do, or what have you. There's definitely ways to go about discussing these things and sharing your thoughts and being powerful in your voice without being a bitch.

Speaker 2 5:03

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 5:03

So we want to talk about a lot of those things, because sensuality really, when you think about it, it's not really for the young, it's for those that want to be alive and really understanding what sensuality is and what it does to you as a person is really important, and I don't know that's necessarily something you think about when you're in your 20s and 30s.

Speaker 2 5:23

In the same way, yeah, it's definitely different, definitely different in that age frame, I do think, and the sensuality can be a lot of different things, whether you're doing things alone or if you do have a partner, and it's the things that bring you joy or that you want to do. It can be wearing red lipstick, if that's what you want to wear, slow dancing in your kitchen by yourself or with somebody you know it doesn't really matter.

Speaker 2 5:48

Whatever with the broom, whatever is making you feel joy inside, is going to help to ignite that spark of sensuality. Yeah, and other areas.

From Hustle Culture to Flow Living

Speaker 1 5:59

When we say sensuality, we don't necessarily mean that we're talking about sex right yeah, so I think it's really important that people understand that because sensuality and how you are, your essence, yes, of a woman, of a woman, you know being a woman and your essence as that woman is different than the woman who's next to you, yeah, and how she carries herself and how she exudes that you know. Sensuality, yeah, and as her person. So the other thing we're talking here about is we have been in this hustle hustle lifestyle for the whole time. We are young when we're going through careers, we're going through school, we're, you know, making a living, you know rise and grind.

Speaker 1 6:40

Yeah, rise and grind, and it is time to maybe start thinking about how all of those efforts and everything are have been put in place, whether we liked or not, but how we can kind of start flowing into that.

Speaker 2 6:55

Right, and how it's bringing other things together right. It's almost like aligning everything as you move on through years, and the way that I think midlife invites a softer power in a way. No, you're not having to prove yourself Right or feel like you're proving yourself, I guess flow over force might be a way to look at it, because you know like the hustle is very forceful and it's you know you're doing the damn thing, but then you know flowing, that that looks and feels very differently, yeah.

Speaker 1 7:28

Well, I think of hustle, which I have that total quality of just. I love to hustle, I'm focused on a lot of things, but that's kind of a workaholic tendency, I think, in a lot of ways, because you're hustling, you're kind of going after the next thing. It's the type of work I'm into, that's like that. But I think what we have learned over time, you know or at least I can speak for myself and maybe all of you out there is that you really are not having to prove anything you know, and you already are enough in the way that you present yourself.

Beauty Is About Depth, Not Youth

Speaker 1 7:57

You know you may want to get better at certain things or enhance certain things, or be able to step back and enjoy the effort and all that hard work that you put into getting where you're at.

Speaker 2 8:07

And at and okay, you know to do that so love that. Yeah, I think another thing too, for midlife women and things that you can do to redefine is the concept of beauty and it being about depth and not about youth. And what do you think about when I say that?

Speaker 1 8:29

Yeah, and not about youth, right? And what do you think about when I say that? Well, I think that our society, the way it is, really puts us in a place where we constantly are feeling like we have to do things differently. We have to try to look younger, we have to try to be younger, we have to try to embrace all of those things in that way, and I think it's fine to some degree. If you want to do that, I think everybody needs to do whatever makes them comfortable.

Speaker 1 8:52

But the depth that I think you're referring to, at least from my perspective, is that all the experiences and things that we have gathered, you know, and have layered up through our life are really what bring us that depth, because you have experiences to deal with, you know to share, you have experiences, have absolutely experiences to deal with, you know to share, you have experiences you know to share with people that are in a different place, that are younger, for example I think it's all too for me when I'm when I'm listening to what you're saying, it's making me think about laugh lines.

Speaker 2 9:23

Yeah, for example, laugh lines. The silver hair I'll call it silver, not gray yeah, the silver hair and the softness.

Speaker 2 9:31

I mean, you know, lifting weights, all this is great, but you know, I got a. I got a softer body, the soft so I'll use that terminology right the softness of a lived-in body. It's all very beautiful and I feel like they're all part of pages of this book, if, if you will, which is all of you myself, I should say my whole self. All of those things make up part of who I am, and it's almost like the laugh lines have a story behind them. Silver hair has a story behind it. My body has a story behind it. There's so much to tell and with that, being able to fully indulge, you know yourself in what that means. I think it's very beautiful.

Speaker 1 10:12

Yeah, and it's like when you think about beauty, it's not that you're erasing time, but that you're embodying it. Yeah, Like you said, you know our bodies have I call them battle scars. You know we've both had four children. We've had cesareans. We've had all kinds of things that you know have put scars on our body. And it's like it is what it is. Do I like to have decent, nice shoulders. Yeah, do I need to? Yeah.

Speaker 2 10:37

Yeah, I mean, and that's okay. Again, I know it's just like we're not saying just let it all go, sister.

Owning Your Story, Messiness Included

Speaker 1 10:43

Yeah, but I think we get when people are Lifing, yeah, they lose themselves, and so that's where, when you're talking about you know quote let it all go. It's like I doubt when women are told that that they would feel really good about their bodies in the first place, and then they're being told that and criticized in that way when in reality, it's like they maybe haven't been taking care of themselves.

Speaker 2 11:06

That. That's why they don't feel good about their bodies or whatever.

Speaker 1 11:09

So it's not like everybody has to be a size two and, you know, have perfect skin. Lord knows that we've had those conversations before you know, but it's really about you know, about embracing your own beauty and embracing the body that you're in and figuring out how you choose to live in it.

Speaker 2 11:29

And owning your story. Let's just talk about that, right? I think that's another thing. When it's when it comes to being at midlife and making you know a real taking, I should say taking a deep dive into where you're at and what you're doing, where you've been, what is that like? And being okay with all of it, even the messy parts. There's plenty of messy parts, right, but where do you feel?

Speaker 1 11:58

like people hold back. They hold back with shame, yes, and guilt, guilt and shame, yeah, and these are things that we live with because of, you know, the things we were taught or told or you know were directed on when we were younger. Really, a lot of it kind of dials back to when we were kids, you know, and what we've taken from those experiences and moved on, and then what we pass on to our families and things, too, or choose not to, or choose not to, or choose not to, and I think for me when I think about that I kept my book so tightly shut.

Speaker 2 12:34

I would peek in at the page, look at some of the things, but I wasn't sharing it with anybody. I kept the secrets that were going on and that can be so stressful and, yes, makes for a very guilt-ridden existence. And it's very true what you were saying when you, as I, moved through that and started talking about things and made decisions and figuring things out and really was okay with the messiness. I mean, it was Messy, it was messy, yeah, right, and it's okay.

Speaker 1 13:12

Well, and that could be why you know you waited so long for to kind of transition and move on with your life. You knew how messy it was going to be, yeah, and how many people were going to be affected, and all that.

Exploring Sexual Identity Without Shame

Speaker 2 13:23

But when you stop hiding it and you move through it and start shining and owning your truth and being okay with the decisions that you're making, and then it's like what was I so afraid of? I had that strength in me, oh my gosh. Yes, yeah, it's huge, anyways.

Speaker 1 13:37

So also, you know one thing and again we're going to get into deep dive on some of these topics in future episodes but our sexual identity, I think a lot of the time is something that has been put on the back burner and when we think about what our lives entail, a huge part of us is the fact that we are sexual beings. And I'm not talking about like porno, sex kind of stuff. I'm not talking about things that way. I'm just talking more about the fact that it was a shameful thing to be curious when we were younger. It was, frankly, not something that you know I can speak for myself, and maybe a lot of you women out there were not really given the avenues to be curious, or to ask questions.

Speaker 1 14:21

You know, we were just told.

Speaker 2 14:22

just you know, don't have sex, You're going gonna go to hell if you have sex you know, or god forbid you have fantasies or desires or even act on any of that. That was just like not even a yeah, it's not even a thing.

Speaker 1 14:37

And then also the fact that sex when you say sex, everybody just thinks of intercourse. Yeah, you know, all they think about is intercourse, but it's like what else is there out there? There's so many other aspects to us as sexual beings that we really didn't entertain or at least I didn't entertain a lot of when I was younger, that now I'm asking a lot of questions. I'm open to the answers. I mean, you guys are going to see an episode that's going to be coming up, that is on different types of relationships.

Speaker 1 15:04

And I mean it was really interesting to listen to when we were recording that. So it's not to say that we're suggesting you try a different lifestyle or anything. We're just saying there are so many different aspects of things out there that most of us have not explored in one capacity or another. Never too late. Nope, never too late.

Speaker 1 15:25

It's okay to be curious, even kinky yeah it's okay to be curious, even kinky, yeah, okay. So you know your power. You know, as you women out there are finding your power, it comes from you aligning with your own beliefs and your own desires, not necessarily from approval, and I think we've been places a lot of the time where we're seeking approval in order to be open about things that we are curious about. And you know, it's kind of finding the right avenues to be able to ask the right questions and, like Michelle was saying before, it's like we want to have this community put together so people can really ask stuff.

Speaker 2 16:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:06

They want to be clearly, they clearly want to understand and they don't really feel like there's a lot of forums to do that and they don't want to be on Reddit to do it.

Speaker 2 16:15

You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 16:16

So, anyway, I'm really excited about that. Really having the ability for people to just be vulnerable and get their questions answered and be able to empower each other, all of us empower each other with the knowledge that each of us has. All of us independently, collectively, can be pretty powerful. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 16:38

Yeah, what about the fact? Do you feel like redefinition also can be as we make the shift from I know we kind of made mention about the family aspect when you're in midlife and all the activities and working and all of the, you know, involvement in community and everything that we do, it kind of changes? I think I can look back now and see how things are get redefined Right, but I think when you're in the midst of it you're not really looking to redefine, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2 17:13

You're just looking to survive. Right, sense, you're just looking to survive, right, yeah, you're just looking to survive.

Speaker 1 17:15

Keep your head above water.

Speaker 2 17:16

So I think, as time goes on, or you know with us and you know talking about some of these things, you can ask yourself some of these questions earlier on, and it doesn't have to. You know, wait and come with time, but looking for a little bit more of your soul that you're leading through these things with, and it doesn't always have to be about strategy, right? Yeah, I think it feels better when that starts happening and we'll go through and have you know some episodes about that too and what that looks like and how to identify.

Aging Gracefully and Finding Sisterhood

Speaker 1 17:51

Yeah, and it could be a variation for some people or very similar, you know, for others. So I think those are going to be really exciting things to discuss as well. When we talk about aging and again we're talking midlife, right, so we bring up the term midlife, and what does that really mean? I mean, I guess, if we're looking at our age range being, you know, from zero to 85 or something, like that.

Speaker 1 18:16

You know, I guess midlife is yeah, is in the 40s and your 50s and 60s and when you think about the differences between 50 years ago, what a 40 year old was like? And 50 year old or 60 year old was like and what we're like now. It is very different, because our world has definitely evolved and we are trying to remain as youthful as possible, and I don't mean youthful necessarily in just the way we look, because I think that's a big part of it.

Speaker 1 18:44

I mean, you see that in the industry huge in the industry and all the, you know, the paintings and the magazines that are all airbrushed and all that kind of stuff, the perfection that that's really nobody's ever going to achieve, which kills me, because you see our young girls out in the world really using that as their litmus test you know, Aging isn't something to fight.

Speaker 1 19:04

I think it's something. Well, I say that, but then I let me step back for a moment. It is something to fight in that we need to take care of ourselves, Because as we age, it's like if we don't take care of ourselves, then our bodies are going to let us down.

Speaker 2 19:19

But it's really us letting our body down, if you think about it, yeah, exploring your sexuality, pleasure, sensuality, all the things that feel good. When you're not doing that and you're bottling up and you're people pleasing and not taking care of yourself, like you say, then those things do start to show up in our aging right In not the most pleasing of ways.

Speaker 1 19:50

That's right. And, believe me, if you haven't had an orgasm, it's aging you. Oh yeah, so we right.

Speaker 2 19:53

And believe me, if you haven't had an orgasm, it's aging you, oh, yeah, so we are going to discuss that and if you have multiple, because yeah it really is a good stress reliever it really is a good stress reliever.

Speaker 1 20:01

Yes, as Michelle said, and ultimately, you guys, it's like the sisterhood. I mean Michelle and I have a sisterhood. You know we have very similar well, we've grown up in different places to some degree, but very similar looks on life but different ways of approaching things. Really, it's like, you know, her upbringing and my upbringing, although similar, were very different and you know, our lifestyles have been different. But it's like, I guess a lot of it is just really respecting each other's past, respecting what each person brings to the table and really feeling like there's no judgment. And I think that's what, to me, it boils down to. Is that I want to and I know michelle and I both said this before is we really want to provide an environment where you genuinely feel like you can go with no judgment and and feel comfortable, you know, and get questions answered for things that you want to, or ask questions, you know, but basically finding your people.

Speaker 2 20:57

This is the platform for you, ladies, if this is something that you're looking for or something that sounds appealing, because we will be moving forward and having a community of sisterhood like that. So stay tuned for more on that.

Speaker 1 21:12

And if this is not your jam and you'd rather you know like listen to a podcast on fly fishing or something, more power to you.

Speaker 2 21:18

Yeah, do it, do it if that, but seriously like if fly fishing does make you happy and bring you joy. Yeah, again, that's like being true to yourself. Yeah, but still listen to our podcast because, we're the ones that told you to do that.

Closing and Ways to Connect

Speaker 2 21:32

See, yeah, so it all works it fits, but yeah, so as you go through the rest of your week. First of all, thank you so much for listening. We're excited to be two spicy midlife women and talking about so many things in regard to what that means to be a spicy midlife woman, how to redefine midlife A lot of the things we've talked about here in this episode and moving forward. We're going to take deep dives into so much of this stuff, as well as the community, and we are going to be out there. We are out there on social media. You can find us on Facebook, spicy Midlife Women, instagram, spicy Midlife Women Let me just say it again, and if you're ever just like surfing YouTube, spicy Midlife Women, and if you want to send us an email.

Speaker 1 22:25

We're at SpicyMidlifeWomen at gmailcom. Do it, yeah, and until next week. Thank you so much, ladies, and if there's gentlemen out there, you can definitely learn some stuff too.

Speaker 2 22:35

We would love to have you in our audience as well yeah, if you've like, just like happened to trip across spicy midlife women and you might learn something about your woman yeah, or maybe thinking, yeah, this is something that she could use. Yeah, spice it up, just you know, place in the car while you're driving somewhere with her. Yeah, what is this?

Speaker 1 22:54

oh, my brain just went really naughty okay, yes, okay, surprise it.

Speaker 2 22:58

Lets yeah until next time, jules. Yep, let's keep it spicy. Okay, ladies, have a good one, bye.