Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

9. Making Bold Choices as a Midlife Woman

• Episode 9

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In this episode, Jules and Michele get real about what it means to make bold choices in midlife from ending relationships to taking dance lessons solo. They share their own deeply personal decisions, fears, and breakthroughs while challenging listeners to stop playing it safe and finally prioritize joy, clarity, and unapologetic self-trust. Whether it’s leaving a marriage, changing careers, or simply going to happy hour, this episode is your push to do the bold thing you’ve been putting off.

What You’ll Learn:

  • What making a bold choice in midlife really looks like
  • The emotional baggage that often keeps women stuck (guilt, fear, judgment)
  • Why self-trust is your greatest tool for navigating big decisions
  • The difference between familiarity and fulfillment
  • Real-life examples of bold decisions, from divorce to dancing
  • How to stop apologizing for what brings you joy

Questions Answered in This Episode:

  • Why is midlife the best time to make bold changes?
  • What fears stop women from making powerful decisions?
  • How do I trust myself when I’m scared of failing?
  • Is it selfish to choose myself over others’ expectations?
  • Can something small still be a bold decision?

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

Speaker 1:

Hey everybody. Jules and Michelle here, two spicy midlife women sharing our real life stories and having no bullshit conversations, right, jules?

Speaker 2:

Oh yes, we are your friends from the Pacific Northwest, the Emerald City, seattle, washington, and we are here to help you all, all of you ladies in midlife, redefine your relationships, ditch toxic cycles and reclaim your power, one episode at a time. So let's get into it. Let's get into it, okay, michelle, before we do, can you tell me what your favorite food is, if you had to eat it for the rest of your life? We just had this discussion and I couldn't believe you had the same answer as me Mexican food.

Speaker 1:

Right, how can you like? Isn't everybody on the same page with regard to that?

Speaker 2:

I just know that I'd have to slap it on my ass.

Speaker 1:

I mean because that's where it would sit. I could eat Mexican food every single damn day, right yeah.

Speaker 2:

What about snack? Like your favorite snack.

Speaker 1:

Chips and salsa OK.

Speaker 2:

I think mine would be popcorn. Anyway this is totally off subject here, but you're learning a little bit about us, you guys, because we have these little obsessions.

Speaker 1:

Hers happens to be Mexican food, apparently, Mine's popcorn and chocolate of all kinds all kinds of chocolate, right, and so those are bold choices that we make, right. So those are bold choices that we make right.

Speaker 2:

So today we're talking about making bold choices in midlife and actually owning them. So we can make a bold choice and then we can't say oh, it was Michelle's fault, oh, Julie made me do it.

Speaker 1:

I mean, it's all about midlife, right? This is who we are. We're two spicy midlife women and we're talking about all these things every week, episode to episode.

Speaker 2:

That's right, and it's just so cool because I don't really give a shit what people don't like it or not.

Speaker 1:

Well, I was going to say the choices that we make. That's my choice, and midlife, I think, is the perfect time to take bold steps. If you're going to take any steps, midlife really is the perfect time to do it, don't you think?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely Well. I think, even if we've talked a little bit in last episodes that we have had prior to this one about kind of owning your, you know, wherever you are in your life trying to figure a lot of those things out, a lot of you out there are at that place in your life where you know you probably are ready to make some bold steps, some huge transitions, some things to bring you more joy or to bring more clarity into your life, whether it be your health or your relationships or your work, friendships. You know whatever it is it's like, but there are definitely areas of our life we can always improve upon.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And, like Michelle said, I think midlife is truly an area where we start looking at things differently because we have those experiences behind us.

Speaker 1:

Well, and you just start asking yourself questions Like is that all there is? I think this is where a lot of things come to light. Yeah, we have aha moments and we start to really dive within and try to uncover what the hell's been happening to this point. Where have I been, what am I doing and where am I going?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Right, can you, just for the sake of the conversation, can you kind of maybe share really quickly one major, bold choice that you've made in midlife? That that would be something that could resonate with all the ladies out there.

Speaker 1:

For me, it was making the decision to move on without my husband. Okay, and that was bold I.

Speaker 2:

Why was it bold, though? Well, I mean obvious reasons because you have children, and I mean blah blah we were married for 26 years, four children, and had been through a lot.

Speaker 1:

There was a lot. He was not well, he had been diagnosed with some serious health challenges and there were a lot of things prior to that that were not healthy in our relationship. So, moving forward, and for a while I packed it all inside, I put it in a nice little box and tied it up with a beautiful ribbon and set it up on a shelf in the closet and thought I will just open that later.

Speaker 2:

I'll deal with it another time.

Speaker 1:

Right, and that's what I did for a while.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And so when I finally made the decision to take that box off the shelf and untie that beautiful bow and, you know, make a mess, unwrap it and take everything out of that box Pandora's box, if you will. Yeah, that was a bold move and it was not an easy one and it took a while to make that move.

Speaker 2:

But that was a bold move for me. So if you could summarize the top three things that were keeping you from making that transition, what would they have been? What was holding you?

Speaker 1:

back my children. Okay, we think that at the time, my children, my family as in the way I was raised, and what things you stay true to and guilt, just the whole guilt factor, and everything in the world is going to fall apart if I make this decision. Nothing is going to be right if I do this.

Speaker 2:

And it wasn't right. Anyway, it's like you're not thinking super logically, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so those would be my three things. Okay, now just curious.

Speaker 2:

I think it's important to kind of outline some of those things, because those three words you just used, those are everybody that's listening is going. Oh yeah, I totally know what she's talking about and it's the fear factor.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's the thing.

Speaker 2:

The fear factor. Yeah, that's the thing, the fear factor. I think the funny thing about that is that we are so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for and we're always looking for worst case scenario. What's the worst case scenario? Because I mean, I was in a very similar circumstance to that. It's like, you know, go hard or go home, Julie. It's like you made all kinds of bold decisions all within the course of a year. Yeah, the dam has been broken and it's all coming out. We're dealing with it all now.

Speaker 2:

So you know, there's a lot of things overlapping. You know, and I can remember I had sold the house and I was trying to get the insurance lined up for this place that I had bought, that we were going to live in for four months before the new house was ready and I was talking. This is so random, but I distinctly remember this conversation because it was with this gentleman who was an insurance guy who I use for all my stuff at work, Right, and he sent me this email and he said I can tell that you're having a tough time kind of organizing your thought. He didn't even know me and I'm like, oh my God, this is how I'm coming across to this poor man.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he's trying to help me with my insurance and I was like I was a freaking hot mess. I was a hot mess and I was trying to like hold it all in and pretend like everything was fine because I didn't want my kids to be upset. We've all done that, yeah, so anyway, just I thought it'd be kind of important to share some of that, you know, in terms of, like, the fear factor and the things that hold us back.

Speaker 1:

Well, in the fear of failure if you're making these bold decisions, and the what ifs, right? Well, we didn't get married to get divorced, right? The what ifs and the judgment that we could be facing by making these decisions, from family members, from all kinds of things and finances that was actually another fear. It's like, can I do this on my own? So, yeah, just those fear factors, I think, are something that hold us back from making bold decisions and we need to recognize those things and just so when you use the word bold in midlife, when you're talking about women, our audience, us, the people who are listening, what is that?

Speaker 2:

when you're defining word bold in midlife, when you're talking about women, our audience, us, you know, the people who are listening what is that? When you're defining what bold is, is it something that's just like coming out of nowhere, or do you think it's something that we build up?

Speaker 1:

on. I think it's something we this is me personally. I think it is something we definitely build up on. It's like been for some time coming, definitely build up on, it's like been for some time coming and it's breaking that.

Speaker 2:

Air quotes if you will. Good girl conditioning that really has have, but don't always recognize the importance and the boldness that there is to that self-trust. If that makes sense, it does. I mean, even from my perspective it's like I was terrified of the same thing.

Speaker 2:

I had a six-figure job. I don't know what I was so afraid of. I did the same thing. I had a six-figure job. I don't know what I was so afraid of. Yeah Right, I had a good job. I was, you know, smart about a lot of those things. I didn't really, but I was still worried about it for some reason. You know, that's what we do, same same. How am I Catholic school? There was nobody that was divorced in Catholic. There was one family that had gotten divorced, like the year prior, and they had there's the judgment piece. Yeah, and it's. You know, a lot of that goes back to the religion and all that kind of stuff too.

Speaker 2:

I was not worried about my family, because my family is probably going. What the fuck? What's taking you so long?

Speaker 2:

I mean yeah, you know, I wasn't worried about that at all, but it was really more like the transition in lifestyle, the transition in thinking differently and doing things differently. And even though I didn't feel like I had that emotional support and partnership, it was still someone else who was there and I knew that. You know, push came to shove bills, were paid all that kind of stuff, and he wasn't a bad guy that way. It was still someone else who was there and I knew that. You know, push came to shove bills, were paid all that kind of stuff. I mean, he wasn't a bad guy that way. It was just more like there was no real emotional support.

Speaker 1:

So, whatever I did, I was going to be doing it on my own, on your own, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I was afraid of that.

Speaker 1:

That's true. I never really thought about that, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so anyway.

Speaker 1:

Well, and I think too, that, just you know, making a bold choice like that, I know we're talking about something specific that we've experienced in our life, but it could be a lot of different things, right. But whatever it is, Whether it's something similar to what we're referring to or something else, I think it's comfortable to play it safe, and we tend to continue to do that and hold on to things and play it safe until we are able to, you know, figure it out. So, redefining what bold is, so that you can make the decision and realize and gain that self-trust, knowing that you can do it.

Speaker 2:

So it's a conscious choice between familiarity, choosing familiarity and choosing something that makes you a little bit nervous but excited at the same time and once you, once you make it like owning it right that's huge. That's something one way or another, because you could own something and it's like it's like oh, this is not working, but you're owning it. That way, but you have to own it either way, yeah not getting yourself into situations where you think, well, I've made that, I gotta stick with it, you know, and you have to stand firm.

Speaker 1:

Standing firm that's part of the, the owning piece that we're talking about. When you're making those bold decisions. You know you got to. There's been thought that's gone into it prior to that skepticism and backlash, but standing firm in that.

Speaker 2:

So I think some of that really relates to having a level of confidence that you maybe didn't have before. Yeah, Because I mean I'm a relatively confident. I feel like I'm a pretty confident person, but I remember thinking, and I was a very competent person on the outside, but I was scared. I was scared of change and I like change. I'm actually pretty good with change for the most part, but in this particular case, it wasn't just my change, it was all the people that were around me that were going to be changing too.

Speaker 1:

It's such a huge, huge decision.

Speaker 2:

I mean and again, there's all kinds of circumstances that we're talking about here. I mean we talk about jobs, like I was telling you earlier today about a friend of mine who is realizing she's in midlife, she is our audience and super smart, has been in executive positions and she's working for the same company again that we had worked for before and she's really not challenged, you know, in a way that I think helps her feel like she's adding value. I mean, she does really well with what she does, yeah, but she's just like I don't. This is not where I'm supposed to be, but the thought of trying to figure out where she's supposed to be is a little unnerving. Yeah, because it forces her to be, to put herself in a situation where she is going to have to be uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:

And we've all heard that cliche. It's like you know, your growth happens at the end of your comfort zone. It couldn't be more true and it could be in anything you know, like silly little things, like I was telling michelle tonight. I was like, okay, I you guys have heard me talk about these damn dance lessons. I'm gonna do.

Speaker 2:

I'm doing it, I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna learn. I know I'm gonna learn these, these dances because they look like so much fun. But I want her to go with me because I'm not gonna, I just I don't want it. I want her, but I want her to go with me Because I'm not going to, I just I don't want to. I want her to go with me. At least until I know what I'm doing or where I'm at.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I will show her, yes, that it is a fun thing.

Speaker 2:

And if she said if she said no, I would be like fine and I would do it anyway.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But I would have a lot more fun doing it with you, you know, or Lisa if she comes with me, or whatever. But my point being is kind of like I'm doing it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Just kind of like you know we set up our goals, for you know we set up our goals, okay, what do we want to accomplish? It's no different really than that.

Speaker 1:

I mean that's that's living unapologetically, right, right, that is doing what you want to do. Yeah, for whatever reason, you have this within you. You want to try it, you want to do it, you want to have fun with it and you're going to do it. Yeah, and not be sorry about it, no, at all.

Speaker 2:

And all of you know it out there now, and we don't have to explain that shit to anybody. Guess what, ladies, I'm accountable. I'm going to see me dancing on Instagram or something. There we go. Oh, you know, I'll put it up there It'll be up there Just wait. Actually, we do have a little bit of dance videos on Instagram. It's kind of fun stuff, but no, it's just an example of what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2:

It's exciting, it's something different, meeting different people. It's a little unnerving, but you know what? That's the kind of stuff that just gets your self going.

Speaker 1:

Those are some of the things that earlier on and I'm just speaking about. You know, when we're married, we have a young family and we're not stepping outside of the box. Never To do things like that and like, oh, I'm going to take dance lessons and go swing, dance, honey, two nights a week, like we just don't.

Speaker 2:

And then it'd be like why are you dancing with someone else and not with me?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's, just like all the things. So no, we are doing this because we want to, we're not sorry about it and we don't need to explain to anybody. This is just what I want to do.

Speaker 2:

It sounds like fun and I'm going to do it, and so that's why Some of you ladies out there you might, you're still have kids at home. You know, or you still have those responsibilities which we don't really have. We have other responsibilities. Believe me, you may, those responsibilities may go by the wayside when your kids get older, but other things fill in very fast. Whether it be aging parents, you know your job responsibilities or you know another significant other.

Speaker 1:

Your grandma. All these things come into play.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So you know, I guess what it comes down to is kind of prioritizing. I'm busy now and I was busy then. We're all busy. We're all busy With something this, that thing or the other Right, so there's going to be. You got to make time for the things that you want to do.

Speaker 1:

Now will I make time every day?

Speaker 2:

No, but I will definitely make time to try it, and if I hate it then at least I know I tried it.

Speaker 1:

And I have to say that Some of these decisions, we're calling them bold because they can seem to be that, but I think some of the bold decisions that I've made in my life have done nothing but push me forward.

Speaker 1:

And no one even but move you forward. So if there's anything we're saying right now to maybe some of you younger midlife women, is to recognize that, if you have a spark of passion to do something, create the time, make a bold decision that might not seem like the norm for your life and just do it, even if it is just one time, for a moment, to see what you get from it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah and don't feel selfish and don't be sorry about it, don't be guilty about it. Enjoy it, embrace it and just live it and love it.

Speaker 2:

How many of you are going to want to go dancing with me and we're just gonna me? Yeah, michelle will go, I will do it, because I looked her.

Speaker 1:

I was like I'm really excited, but you got to go with me, but anyway so I mean, that's I, I guess, with what I just said, that would be my, my, my challenge, as we're wrapping this episode up, is just asking you all what bold decision will you make this week, even if it's just the littlest something that might not seem bold to somebody else, because everybody's circumstances are different.

Speaker 2:

So and bold doesn't necessarily mean that you're. It's not like a measured risk necessarily where you're going to lose money or you're going to you know it could be something really simple, like you're going to lose money or you're going to.

Speaker 1:

you know it could be something really simple, like you're going to ride your bike around the lake or going to happy hour with your girlfriend one time, which you never do, yeah there's a whole lot of levels of bold, so I know we were talking about major life shifts, you know, for our bold decisions, because we're able to look back and see that for what it is. But yeah, for many people it could be something to your point as simple as riding your bike around wherever and or going to happy hour with your girlfriend one night once a month, because you never do that Right and it's forcing yourself to have a different experience.

Speaker 1:

To step outside, have a different experience and yeah, I'm kind of all about those anyway, me too Experiences.

Speaker 2:

And again, it's like we like things. I mean, I'm not even gonna lie, we like things. There's no question about that. But if I'm gonna invest money in things, it's going to be on experiences. Now, those experiences are going to be good or go to a concert. Yeah, she loves to hear that, oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

Just act on some of those impulse things that might seem bold, that will bring you joy. Yes, do it, ladies. Do it. Do it as we, as two spicy midlife women, are moving on with this platform that we have, we're going to be forming a community of like-minded midlife women.

Speaker 2:

Which you all will be hearing about.

Speaker 2:

We really wanted to get a few episodes into this transition from a blonde brunette and a mic to our new focus before we started doing that. But we're really excited, you guys, and it's like I've met so many different people, just it. Just since we've been focusing on this, I've been like you're so my person. Yeah, you guys are so my people, you know, and they're, they're women just like us. Yep, you know who are out there with asking a lot of the same questions and really kind of cheering each other on. Yeah, that that's what it's all about. That is exactly what it's all about Holding each other up, cheering each other on.

Speaker 1:

You know, sharing experiences, asking questions that you're curious about, that you don't have any, maybe a safe place otherwise to feel comfortable asking. So we're going to be bringing those things to you, and you can also find us out on the socials Instagram, facebook, tiktok, youtube and we love being the spicy midlife women, role models for you in life.

Speaker 2:

So can't wait to bring you more and we just really look forward to hearing from you on, like I said, on the socials Michelle mentioned, you know we'll definitely post some things that we would love your feedback on too. So until next week, more to come, more to come. Be bold and get out there and make something of the week ahead of you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, be brave, ladies, be brave and stay spicy. Until next time, stay spicy, bye, bye.