16. How to Feel Magnetic in Midlife Without Changing Who You Are

In this empowering episode of Spicy Midlife Women, Jules and Michele dive into what it really means to embrace your magnetism in midlife. Spoiler alert: it’s not about changing your look or reinventing yourself—it’s about owning your essence, quirks, confidence, and presence exactly as you are.

From ditching people-pleasing and over-apologizing to celebrating your personal style, music, and joy, this conversation is a bold reminder that the best years are not behind you—they’re just beginning.

You’ll hear about:

• Why midlife magnetism comes from confidence, not perfection
• How to stop dimming your light with apologizing and overexplaining
• The power of saying “no” without justification
• Real-life stories of badass midlife women choosing themselves
• Simple daily “magnetic moments” you can practice to boost your confidence

Whether you’re navigating relationships, starting over, or simply craving more self-acceptance, this episode will help you reclaim your power and show up as unapologetically magnetic—without changing who you are.

👉 Tune in, share with your friends, and remember: the best years are yet to come.

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life. 

Transcript

Introduction to Midlife Magnetism

Speaker 1 0:28

Hey, hey everybody. Jules and Michelle here, your two spicy midlife women from the Emerald City, seattle, washington. We're going to share our real life stories with no BS conversations, right, jules? That is absolutely right.

Speaker 2 0:42

We are here to help all of you ladies, redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles we could have gotten into over time and reclaim your power, one episode at a time. So let's get into it.

Speaker 1 0:55

Reclaim that power.

Speaker 2 0:56

Yeah. So, shelly, what are we talking about today?

Speaker 1 1:00

Well, we're going to dive into how to feel magnetic in midlife, without changing who you are.

Speaker 2 1:08

I love it, yep.

Speaker 1 1:10

And real talk here, unapologetically bold. We want to remind you all that already there and everything that you have just needs to like be owned. You just need to own it. Less dimming, more owning. Don't turn your light down, just own that shit your light down, just own that shit.

Speaker 2 1:38

Well, you're right, because magnetism you know how you exude yourself isn't about perfection. Yeah, it's about your presence, and what you have done all along is have presence. Maybe, but not necessarily, know how to convey that with other people so we just want to talk a little bit about that, because I feel like the magnetism thing that we have is just bursting to get out.

Speaker 1 1:56

Yeah, it's not about fixing yourself, no, it's about uncovering. Yeah Right.

Speaker 2 2:01

And I think, too, a lot of people think it's like oh, I'm going to overhaul my look, oh, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and really a lot of it is your essence, and you've heard like essence of a woman. Sure, lot of it is your essence, and you've heard like essence of a woman. Sure, I think a lot of it's about your essence, or how you present or carry yourself, or, and a lot of that has to do with the level of confidence that you portray. So it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with quote the way you look. It has to do with how you, how you come across energy.

Speaker 1 2:29

Yeah, energy, to your point, that confidence, charisma, yeah Right, not people pleasing or apologizing or trying to fit into society's molds that are out there. That's molds Molds, not moles. But yeah, not fitting into those molds. And you know we're going to talk about the shifts that take place in midlife. So how do you think that things shift? I think it's about choosing yourself yeah that that's, and you don't realize that.

Speaker 1 3:02

So it's kind of fun to be 60 now because I can look back and I can see and realize when that was happening. I think when we're in the throes of those earlier years of midlife, we're not even realizing that we're on a path to doing that.

Speaker 2 3:19

Right.

Signs You're Dimming Your Light

Speaker 1 3:19

So you know, if anything, we're here to talk about that, to help some of the earlier on midlife women know that as you're moving through, and it's about choosing yourself moving through and it's about choosing yourself.

Speaker 2 3:37

Well, and I think some people might have not even consciously put themselves in a position where they're waiting to be chosen and so they're not choosing themselves.

Speaker 2 3:42

And so this is kind of a wake up call a little bit for that, because you know you're in a position anytime really in your life to acknowledge that and recognize that, any time really in your life to acknowledge that and recognize that. And there's ways to take that magnetism that you have. It can be quiet, it can be grounded, it can be sensual, funny, it can be fierce, it can be all of these things. But it's yours, however you choose it to be.

Speaker 1 4:09

I love that because it doesn't have to be loud. It doesn't have to be loud and bold we use those terms a lot and those things can be within you. But as far as the magnetism, it's almost more magnetic when it's quiet, grounded, sensuality, right.

Speaker 2 4:27

Yeah. So let's talk about what are some signs that you have noticed or that you have seen out there, either in yourself or in other people, where people might be dimming their magnetism.

Speaker 1 4:38

Well, I made reference to it here just a few minutes ago the people-pleasing part. People-pleasing, over-explaining things, trying to justify, maybe, decisions that you've made. Like you're having to talk someone into agreeing with you you mean, yeah, kind of like that, or just yeah, maybe about decisions you've made or how you're living your life, over-explaining your actions, and that's not really necessary.

Speaker 2 5:04

I can remember times where this is exactly what I had done as a new parent or as a young parent, yeah when I'd be at different social gatherings, family gatherings, things like that and I always felt like I was having to justify being this perfect parent. It's maybe hard for some people to wrap their brain around but, I, was around a lot of women that were the perfect hostesses and would make the perfect meals and have the decorations just perfect and the wrapping paper and all that.

Speaker 2 5:35

So I always felt like you know, if I rolled in like a hot mess, it was pretty evident. Or if my kids weren't behaving, you know, yeah, yeah, we put those things on ourselves. Yeah, we definitely do.

Speaker 2 5:46

Or like, think about being on a plane with your kids or something and how they're popping off and oh my gosh, when they they were little so you do put a lot of those things on you and I think that does kind of dim your light a little bit, because you're in a position where you're potentially you know apologizing all the time right and and that can lead into your worthiness and starting to doubt that.

Speaker 1 6:12

If you're constantly doing that in so many aspects of your life and then, as you move on and start looking back and you think that the best years of your life are behind you, you know that is not. That is definitely not the case. I am here to tell you, if you're 40, 50 years old, the best years are yet to come and, honestly, if I look back to the last 20 years, from 40 to 60, I would say that my early 50s were fantastic and they've only gotten better. As far as these types of things like owning my worth, having that magnetism whether it's quiet or whatever, some of those things are making the decisions to confidently be me, and it doesn't mean that I'm loud about it, but it's just that I'm comfortable doing that now.

Speaker 2 7:09

Right.

Speaker 1 7:10

And I don't worry about what other people think or I don't explain myself.

Speaker 2 7:14

I wonder do you feel like you just didn't have time to spend on some of these things before that? Because I think my 40s was kind of a blur. I mean a lot of my 30s, I would say maybe mid to late 30s kind of a blur and 40s kind of a blur. You're going from one thing to the next.

Speaker 2 7:38

If you have children it's probably a different type of frenzy. If you don't have children, you might have other things in your life that are creating some of that frenzy, where the moments kind of connect together and then the next thing you know the year, the year is gone yeah, you know like we're halfway over halfway through the year right now and I cannot even believe it. It's just going so fast.

Speaker 2 7:51

Yeah so yeah, best years definitely definitely not behind you. I mentioned something a minute ago about the apologizing. I've run across that quite a bit and I really am. I pay very close attention to that, even for myself. Or like, there's this one woman that I have been helping, you know, with work and she is in her mid to late 30s. I think I heard so many apologies out of her and she's very good at what she does. She's very vibrant, very good at what she does, but she's apologizing because she's still trying to figure things out and I can see this in her.

Speaker 2 8:24

And I just stopped her and I was like you don't need to be saying you're sorry for any of this stuff.

Apologizing Less, Owning More

Speaker 1 8:29

I've done that recently too, yeah, with somebody younger, yeah, and yeah, and I think, too, part of that is and you don't have to feel bad about that but, just like you did, bringing attention to it so that maybe they're more mindful, because the person that I was doing it's a fantastic person, yeah, fantastic young lady, and I was more so like, oh my gosh, what are you apologizing for? Stop apologizing, you don't have anything to be sorry about.

Speaker 2 8:56

It starts making me uncomfortable when people are apologizing too much. You know like they're feeling, like they're putting me out or something I'm like yeah, no, that's. So. I've learned that with myself too, probably through my 50s, I would say, because I would catch myself doing very similar things not to that degree. But I started flipping it around and saying, you know, because my you know sometimes I'm late.

Speaker 1 9:18

I don't know.

Speaker 2 9:18

I don't know if you ever noticed that or not jesus, yeah, I'm on peruvian time, right, but instead of saying I'm so sorry, I'm late, you know I just say thank you so much for waiting. Thank you for your patience, you know that kind of way to spin it.

Speaker 1 9:35

Yeah, put a positive spin on that. You can tell us in pr for a while right just a little bit.

Speaker 1 9:40

That's the one thing I learned there so, yeah, I think part of not changing who you are too, jules, are some of the quirky things that we as women, well, just I mean, some of these things can be just for any anybody, man or woman. But I mean, do you have a good friend who like snorts when they laugh? Do you have? I think that is funnier than shit. I know I do too, especially when they don't, when they don't have control over it, and there's laughing their ass off and then you get the big snort. I think that's like so funny I know not in a bad way, I think it's adorable.

Speaker 2 10:13

I do too, and I think those are the kinds of little things that are endearing to people. You know, they've got little quirks, like my quirk my eyes water and so I'm always going like this. You know kind of well, not always, but whenever they're watering, wiping my eyes and I remember someone telling me you do this and you make this funny face Yep she does.

Speaker 1 10:32

Yeah, when I do that.

Speaker 2 10:33

And so I have consciously thought about that. When I'm tapping on my eye going, I'm making the funny face. Yeah, but it is kind of funny.

Speaker 1 10:40

I mean, a lot of people don't do it. It's just like when I point things out, I always use two fingers and not one. She's like a flight attendant. Somebody asked me that once at work. It was a new person that started working and we're at the morning meeting and she's like did you used to be a flight attendant? Because I literally got the two fingers like I'm trying to direct somebody somewhere. But I just always do that.

Speaker 2 11:04

Well, I noticed, michelle, with you. When you do that, it's like you're making a very strong point.

Speaker 1 11:09

Yeah, that's usually when I see it come out of her, I'm like, oh, here she goes, get it going, yeah, and I start making the little motions with her because I know exactly what she's doing. Yeah, All those quirks though.

Speaker 2 11:19

Those are quirks, yeah.

Speaker 1 11:20

All of them. Yeah, the snorting, the pointing, whatever it is, you know that is whatever. Just own that shit Just own that shit.

Speaker 2 11:29

You know, don't let anybody tease you and make you feel uncomfortable, yeah that's right About it. Yeah, that's right. And then your style. This is another thing. As you start transitioning, there's so much critique around like fashion for example yeah, they've chatted about this.

Speaker 1 11:44

Yeah.

Embracing Your Quirks and Style

Speaker 2 11:45

Huge, huge, because there's so many things that I love that there's really no reason why I can't wear them if I'm comfortable with them. Yeah. If I'm comfortable in them. I think a lot of it's really dependent upon you know. You know what you're doing and where you're going and you know how you want to present yourself to. But really it's like I mean, you're probably the one person who, I think, owns that the most out of anyone I know, because it's like this girl will just wear whatever the hell she wants.

Speaker 1 12:12

I mean you have to know your audience. Yeah, you do have to know your audience, right? So, like you, if any of you seen our social page, you see every once in a while I'll do the double bun thing on the top of my head and I'm a 60 year old woman. So it's not really that common that you see a 60 year old woman in double buns. But you know, know the right time and place outfit and you know situation. It's just I do it, it's just schema.

Speaker 2 12:37

You know, schema, schema, it's just your like, your essence, your kind of style, your schema.

Speaker 1 12:43

Yeah, this is a new word for me. If you know from our episodes in the past, I always learn a new word from julian schema. I actually am digging that word. You're moxie.

Speaker 2 12:52

There's another one it's a very old-fashioned word. I kind of like it that's why I like it.

Speaker 1 12:58

Moxie and schema, yeah anyways, but you have to know your audience. But yeah, step outside that box. It's not something that is supposed to be just like you know listening to that gangster rap in the school pickup line, but as soon as somebody comes by to say hello, you got that to your point earlier. That realtor voice on and you know it's a different crowd. Yeah, they probably don't want Cardi B on when kids are in their car, probably not a good idea.

Speaker 2 13:23

I like it like that. Okay, anyway, and then your pleasure. We talked about music. Music's huge for me. I know a lot of our listeners. Probably it's very similar. It brings me a lot of joy. Yeah me too, and I get obsessed with certain artists and I'll re-listen to them over and over and over again. I don't to the variety as often, probably, yeah, but that brings me joy, me too.

Speaker 1 13:45

No music, no life. Yeah, I mean, it truly is such a big part. I know We've talked about that before.

Speaker 2 13:50

It's like if I had to choose between losing my eyes or losing my ears, which would it be?

Speaker 1 13:57

And that is so tough. I mean, I think I'd actually go with Do you mean your sight or your hearing?

Speaker 2 14:01

Yeah, my sight or my hearing, and honestly, just for functionality purposes.

Speaker 1 14:15

I would probably lose my hearing, but I would be devastated because I want to be able to see where I'm going and not have to rely on other people. See, I think we've had this conversation before, because I would choose to give up my sight.

Speaker 2 14:22

So this would work really well for us.

Speaker 1 14:24

Because I could watch and she could dance, that's because I have all in my memory. I have it all, and it's different with sound. So that's why I would make that choice, but anyways, we totally digressed.

Speaker 2 14:39

Yeah, we sure did.

Speaker 1 14:40

But acknowledging those things that bring you joy is part of that magnetism. And bringing things about without changing who you are, yeah.

Speaker 2 14:50

And I think it's important to note that there are lots of badass midlife women out there who I really think we can look at as role models. They empower magnetic energy and they just come across as very real. Now I'm gonna give you the caveat that I don't know these women personally, but at the same time it's like it's what I visualize, what I see, what they convey.

Midlife Role Models to Inspire

Speaker 2 15:15

You know when I when I see them in, you know, on tv or whatever they may be bitchy as hell, we don't know but I mean just what I see. That's not necessarily their persona that we see. Right there we go. Angela bassett oh my god, I love her stella got her groove stella got her. That was one of my favorite yeah I just re-watched that, probably a couple months ago really. You know he was 26. Yeah, I think she was like 40 or something. I'm like get it girl yeah get it girl.

Speaker 1 15:42

Yeah, she was the cougar of all cougars but you know strength too, because she did the tina turner yeah that movie, what's love got to do with it or whatever. And yeah, I mean she's a fantastic, very strong, elegant woman. Yeah, and and unbothered yeah, you can tell she's a great when you think about magnetism, role models and think about like serena williams oh yeah, yeah, she's a great.

Speaker 2 16:03

When you think about magnetism, role models and think about like Serena Williams oh yeah, yeah, she's in her early 40s and that woman is a total badass. I mean, she obviously has a pretty amazing career and she's got her family and everything now and she's prioritized things in a way that.

Speaker 1 16:17

And she did not care, doing that dance at the Super Bowl halftime Right Right With the Kendrick Lamar oh, she had so much fun with all that.

Speaker 2 16:24

Oh yeah, she sure did.

Speaker 1 16:31

I love that because she was not unapologetic about it and she was totally having a good time, not bothered and feeling it all. Yeah, good for you, serena.

Speaker 2 16:35

Yeah. So here's just a couple of examples. Brene Brown, the author and kind of a she's like a self-help guru, if you will. Yeah, Always has really good messaging, but she's again she's what 58 years old. I think she's a total badass. Yeah, and it's. These are just women that are good to look up to or to follow.

Speaker 1 16:55

Sade, just like using him as examples just to give you an idea, because Sade give you an idea because, sade, she is the total like quiet, magnetic.

Speaker 2 17:09

She is always iconic. I love her music her.

Speaker 1 17:10

Her voice is so sensual and it's just fantastic.

Speaker 2 17:12

I love her too yeah, and her music, it just makes me happy, you know and then there's you know, obviously those are celebrity, right, whatever role models.

Speaker 1 17:21

but then there's you the everyday badass is like you and I, yeah Right, true story.

Speaker 2 17:28

Or the 52-year-old woman who left her corporate job to start her own business.

Speaker 1 17:33

Oh, that was me, but I was 50. Who did that?

Speaker 2 17:36

No, that was me, but I was 50.

Speaker 1 17:39

Right around in there, or you know what about about the a lot of midlife women dating for the first time yeah, in a long time that's a first time in a long time, yeah, and identifying what does not work for them very quickly yeah, and being able to once identify that, do that thing of dating on their own terms, yeah. Good job, ladies.

Speaker 2 18:01

That's all y'all that are doing it, and all the single women out there single moms you know, they're raising kids on their own, they're working their jobs. They are. Isn't there a song about this by Alicia Keys?

Speaker 1 18:13

I just was singing all the single ladies, all the single ladies.

Speaker 2 18:17

That's not Alicia Keys.

Speaker 1 18:18

I don't know which one by Alicia Keys. Oh, alicia Keys, I don't know which one, by Alicia.

Speaker 2 18:20

Keys. Oh yeah, I can't remember what it's called, but there's a song it's all about like the working woman, you know, and it's like catching the bus early in the morning to get to work. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, you know all that kind of stuff and you know what. Now they're maybe at that point where they're going to try to finally start dancing again for themselves, maybe putting a little time for themselves.

Speaker 1 18:47

All these things, though, that we're talking about with women. That is all part of the magnetism that you have within, and being able to own that as you are, and doing it confidently, I think is super powerful.

Speaker 2 19:04

So let's challenge our listeners.

Speaker 1 19:06

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 19:07

Let's invite them to do a little magnetic moment each day.

Speaker 1 19:11

Yes, every day. Okay, what would?

Speaker 2 19:13

something like that be Like here's a really good one. I'm thinking of making eye contact and smiling like you own the damn place. Oh yeah, there you go. That's a good one, not being cocky but, just making eye contact. I love eye contact.

Speaker 1 19:26

It's super powerful, very, very powerful.

Daily Magnetic Challenges and Closing

Speaker 2 19:29

And you know you're walking into, like say, you're walking into a corporate meeting or you're walking into some kind of an event or something like that. You know how you present yourself, how you walk into all of that, how you take it all in really is how people are, you know, seeing you and how they're going to respond to you, and it's just a very powerful moment for you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 19:52

You know, however you choose to do that, a lot of different situations in a conversation, maybe with somebody you're dating with your children. If you've got eye contact, super powerful, okay, mine would be say no without over explaining yourself. Yes, I love that one too, or yes, say no without over explaining.

Speaker 2 20:11

Yeah, I know, because I think we have a tendency to do that as a general rule, just to help people understand where we're coming from yeah, and we don't always have to be doing that, right? You know, this is what I was thinking about doing something that's just for you.

Speaker 1 20:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:27

That's not something that you can do off your to-do list Like you can check off your to-do list. But that's just for you Like, maybe it's taking taking a nap, yeah.

Speaker 1 20:37

Or just doing that facial mask yeah. And laying down in the bed you know just something for yourself Going to a movie in the middle of the day. That doesn't have anything surrounding it to do with productivity. Yep, just take the time.

Speaker 2 20:52

Take yeah, just take a little more. Or another one is like a massage.

Speaker 1 20:55

Yeah, there's that too. Julie loves those foot massages.

Speaker 2 20:58

I do. I love me a good massage.

Speaker 1 21:00

She goes to these like hole in the wall, dark lit, not even lit places.

Speaker 2 21:05

I think I've actually taken Zoe a couple of times to ones that were like like happy ending places.

Speaker 1 21:11

I didn't know it.

Speaker 2 21:12

These are. This is me being kind of naive.

Speaker 1 21:15

But anyway, I don't need a happy ending, is it?

Speaker 2 21:17

cheaper.

Speaker 1 21:19

But just do something for yourself. So there's some challenges for you all to think about, and do Don't just think about it. Do some of those things this week. See the magnetic feel that you might get from it, all the magnetic feels that you might get from some of these things.

Speaker 2 21:35

Yeah, and I think if you guys have friends or people in your life, your family members, what have you that could use a little bit of a reminder of their own magic, encourage them to listen to this episode, or just talk to them about it. Listen to it and talk to them about it. But it's like sometimes people just need just a little bit of a nudge in the right direction to get that confidence that they need to do something. Love that.

Speaker 1 22:01

Share it with your friends. Ladies, that's right. Do that hair flip and walk with confidence. Check us out, if you will, on all the socials. We are there, Spicy Midlife Women. We drop episodes every single week and you can listen to us on whatever your favorite podcast platform is.

Speaker 2 22:18

That's right, and until next week we will see you later.

Speaker 1 22:22

But until then stay spicy, ladies. Bye.