Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

22. Flirting After 40: Reclaiming the Fun, the Sass, the Power

• Jules and Michele: Midlife Mentors • Episode 22

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Is flirting just for the twenty-somethings? Absolutely not.

In this episode, Jules and Michele are turning up the heat on what it really means to flirt after 40 whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between. They break down why flirting isn’t about seeking attention or approval—it’s about energy, confidence, and connection.

From playful grocery store banter to that spark across the room, your favorite spicy midlife duo dishes on:
🔥 How to flirt with confidence (no desperation, just magnetism)
🔥 Why flirting is more about empowerment than attraction
🔥 Real-life stories that’ll make you laugh, blush, and nod in agreement
🔥 Tips to bring the sass back into your everyday interactions (and maybe your relationship too)

It’s time to reclaim your fun, your spark, and your unapologetic confidence—one flirty smile at a time.

So grab your coffee, your lipstick, and your confidence, and let’s get spicy.

🎧 Listen now and rediscover the power of playful energy in midlife.

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, all you spicy ladies out there. It's Jules and Michelle here. Your two spicy midlife women sharing our real life stories from Seattle, Washington, The Emerald City, and having no BS conversations with all of you. Ain't that right, Miss Shelley? Oh, it certainly is.

SPEAKER_02:

Here to help all you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles, because we've all had them and maybe even still do. And reclaim your power one episode at a time. That's what we're here for, right, Julie?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my gosh, we are back to our Spicy Midlife Women podcast where we are ditching the rules, girl, and we are turning up the heat in midlife on this topic. Losing our minds a little bit. Speak for yourself. I know. No, no, we're both losing our minds a little bit. But we're going to talk about a really fun topic today for all of you ladies out there. And this is regarding flirting after 40, reclaiming the fun, the sass, the power, and really having it be something that you are enjoying and it's a part of your activities, if you will. All of it. Whether you're married or you're single or you're partnered or whatever. You know?

SPEAKER_02:

I like how Julie says activities. Having flirting be a part of your daily activities.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, okay, so we can say I have a tendency, and if you talk to the people that know me, to be a tiny bit flirty. And I don't even realize that I'm doing it a lot of the time. Like it's just even I'm and I'm just being fun. It's not like I'm interested in somebody. It could be like a sweet old lady, or it could be someone who's letting me like walk across the street and they're in their car and I'm waving at them and smiling. Is that flirty? I don't know. Is that flirty?

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I mean it's more than the head nod, I guess. Described as that. I think what it is is those things that shouldn't be just allowed, but it's the empowering part of doing those types of things, right? I think. And it can cross or span from like you were just talking about, where you're doing that, waving at an elderly whoever and being fun and flirty about it. Or it can be when you're in the grocery store and you just spark conversation with somebody you're standing in line with.

SPEAKER_00:

So I guess the question would be, and the clarification would be is flirting have to do with being interested in people? No, I don't think it does interested meaning romantic.

SPEAKER_02:

Here's the thing: I think when people think about flirting, they think about it in a sexual way. Yes. And that that's I think a bad rap for that word because flirting can be fun. I think it's about energy, it's about confidence and the connection that you're making. So to your point, like you were just saying, being interested in people, yes. Because I think it's all part of the connection with regard to that.

SPEAKER_00:

I think sometimes too, people can be, they're just more outgoing, extroverted, friendly people. And it comes across more like they're being flirtatious, perhaps, when that's not even where they're going in terms of, you know, oh, I think she's hot or I think whatever. It's not like that.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the flirt word again. It just gets that sexual connotation always wrapped up in it. And it doesn't necessarily mean that that's what you're doing. It's not desperate. Flirting is not a desperate, I'm gonna use the word activity again. That's not even a word I would think of when I was well, just like personality trait. It doesn't have to seem like a desperate, like trying to get people's approval and things like that. That is not what flirting is about, like is out there.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, like you said, I think that it has a lot to do with the energy that you kind of convey, you know, with people, whether you're walking into a room or whether you're just being polite or you're being professional or whatever. It's about your energy and the confidence that you bring. True, true.

SPEAKER_02:

And let's face it, midlife women, because that's what we are, we're a little beyond, but right? We're fuck ever. Midlife women, I think we are able to bring a sense of depth to that. Uh-huh. A little bit of wit, if you will, and magnetism. We talked about that a couple weeks ago. Yeah. You know, magnetism in midlife. And bringing those things to the, I don't want to call it a game, but it can be. Yeah. As far as flirting goes. I mean, life is a game, right? Can be.

SPEAKER_00:

It definitely can be. Let's talk about this in a flirtatious, romantic way, though, because that's really what I'm dying to talk about.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, Julius is like, can we just cut to the chilly sets? I mean, because some of it is about sex. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Or it's just about, you know, kind of expanding your horizons a little bit or having your thoughts known. Let me give you an example. Okay. I was at the Seahawks game this weekend. Okay. And we were in this place, this, I don't know, bar or whatever that's across the street from there. And I was waiting in line for the restroom. And it was only a couple of restrooms there. And, you know, I'm just kind of standing there and I'm waiting. And here's this man that I see probably, I don't know, 15 feet away. And he's totally looking at me, just staring me down. Not being mean, staring me down, but just kind of looking at me. And I'm just like, I think he's kind of looking at me. This is awkward, you know. But I just looked right back at him and then I smiled and then I turned away. I'm like, I'm not gonna hold eye contact any longer.

SPEAKER_02:

He was totally flirting. You could have played with it though, right? I could have. As a performance and flirting in a playful manner. What why did you decide not to? Because I was going into the bathroom.

SPEAKER_00:

He was heading into the bathroom. We weren't gonna be having any flirtatious conversations or anything. You could have gone in the bathroom together. Yeah. Oh girl. No, he was very cute too. But anyway, my point being is anyways, yeah. Yeah, I think he was a Saints fan. So you know, forget it then. I wasn't even interested. Yeah, yeah. No, but my point is that it's like it kind of caught me off guard. I was not really, you know, looking at that or expecting that, but I'm just like, oh, hot damn, you know. It's like and he was kind of a handsome man. But I just looked back at him and then I just looked down. Did you wing? I just looked down and then I looked up and then I smiled, and then it was my turn to go to the bathroom. Oh, you timed that right? I did. Yeah. I did. And then I never saw him after that. So it was just kind of a little playful, fun, fun, playful contact flirting situation. Now, if there had been a conversation, it would have been very banterful about the Seahawks slamming the Saints. That would have been the banter. Okay. It's like, why are you even showing up? Why are you wearing that jersey? I'm very good at that kind of bantery stuff. Yeah, you are good at that. But anyway, this is what we're talking about, ladies. It's kind of like it's gonna hit you out of nowhere. You're gonna run into it, you're gonna see someone that kind of sparks your attention, or it might be your partner that you're looking at across the room and you're going, Hey, there's the bathroom.

SPEAKER_02:

Meet me there. Right. Meet me there. That could have been a good situation.

SPEAKER_00:

That not in this particular place, but you see what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. We had one episode, oh gosh, it was a while back when we were a blonde brunette and a mic where we talked about intimacy and we were talking about that connection that you had. Yeah, meet me in the powder room. Yeah. Where it's like, why the hell not? You know, why the hell not? Look at your person and just go like, damn, yeah, looking good tonight.

SPEAKER_02:

And it, I mean, it kind of brings back the feeling that you've still got it. Especially, I mean, we are in midlife, right? You get to midlife, and there's a whole lot of things that encompass that era, this era that we're in that is called midlife. And we like to throw the spiciness in it. And I think being flirtatious and fun gives you a feeling that you've still got it. So own it, sister, right? Just like wrap it up, own it, and let somebody unwrap it. Right. If the time is right, if the situation is right. And if anything, I think in midlife we've got it even more than before because there's again, I go back to the confidence and energy that we're able to portray along with that because it's just kind of who we are. Well, let's be easy at this point.

SPEAKER_00:

It works for you. Yeah, it's something, it's probably a skill set that you've developed over time. It's experience, right?

SPEAKER_02:

The ex the experience that comes with it. It's it's not really about playing games anymore, it's about having fun.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and also if we're looking at flirting from a romantic perspective, it can be very intentional, you know. Sure, obviously, like that guy I was telling me, that was pretty damn intentional. I mean, he wasn't like scanning the room and it caught me off guard, but at the same time, it's like I've done that before. I've totally done that before. Where I've been like, oh, look at that. And you know, I'll look at that. But I mean, a lot of the time I don't follow up with that.

SPEAKER_02:

Flirting is fun in a relationship, too. Whether it's a dating relationship, if in an exclusive relationship, a marriage, a partnership, whatever it might be, flirting can definitely boost your mood in certain situations.

SPEAKER_00:

It keeps the spark going, too.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, the that creativity spark to Julie's point, and you can just kind of play along in a social setting and have fun with things. And then by the time you get back home, it's like game on. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00:

So the flirting is kind of like floor play. Yeah, not floor play, for play.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, it could be floorplay. Floor play too. I guess. Yeah. I like that floor play.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02:

But I like the word you used just a few minutes ago, being intentional with your energy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that's super important. And again, like in a social setting, if you're with a partner, you can be intentional with some kind of looks that you're giving from across a room, or even to your point, that guy was being intentional with his energy. You know, you just weren't like completely giving it back. You could have if you wanted to, but you didn't. But I mean, that's where there's really no rules.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. That's when it comes to that.

SPEAKER_02:

And it can be a power move. Whether you're single or in a relationship, flirting can definitely be a power move. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so let's talk for a moment about the so there's a scale, or should I say a spectrum of flirtatious behavior, right? In my mind. Okay. Where it's like from zero to a hundred. So from zero meaning you have no concept of what this is and you don't pick up social cues. Right. Or 100 where it's like, get off of him, you're he's not interested. Right. You know, and there's definitely a balance that you need to kind of take. So I mean, if you're kind of being flirtatious with somebody that you're interested in and you're not necessarily seeing that your cues are being picked up, it could be because he does not love social cues or she, whatever the cur circumstances are, d doesn't kind of pick up on social cues. You know, I mean, I know guys like that where they just have no concept when a woman's flirting with them. They just really don't have a clue. And I'm like, she's kind of flirting with you. Really, really? I thought she was just asking me what I was drinking because she was curious or whatever. Yeah. You know, but there's a balance between that because I think, I mean, I've seen I've seen before where there are, you know, women, sometimes alcohols involved, almost over just over the top. Like, girl, just calm down. This is you're not doing yourself any favors.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, outside of the alcohol part, kick that out of the equation for a minute. I think midlife flirting, it just hits different because you're not, I think I said before, chasing for approval. You're just kind of radiating yourself and what you got going on. And it's really about who you are at this point in midlife, owning all the things that come with it. It could be a lot, it might not be so much, it could be quiet intentional, it could be loud intentional, and I don't mean that volume-wise, you know, you know what I mean, like softer or louder personalities, right? And it's just playing with that power of who you are and that feminine confidence versus the performance of flirting, right?

SPEAKER_00:

If that makes sense. 100%. I think that really makes a lot of sense. And that's a lot of what I'm talking about. You take the alcohol out of the equation, like you just mentioned, and there are nuanced ways to be able to flirt with people. And you can practice on people that you don't have a romantic relationship with or that you're not interested in too. You know, you could practice just by talking with people. But sometimes it's just about instead of being all fast in the way you speak and hyped up in the way you're talking and things like that. It could be that you're more slow and deliberate and playful with what you're saying or implying or doing or whatever. And it's something that comes across maybe a little bit more subdued, but it's totally there. So it really depends on your personality.

SPEAKER_02:

It definitely depends on your personality. There's no right or wrong way about flirting. I I love that you just brought that up. It depends on your personality. When I think of midlife, I think of the word is unbothered, right? Being unbothered. I think that it's super sexy and flirty when you are in a relationship and you're out and people notice that you're in that relationship, right? It almost makes it more sexy and flirty being in that relationship in a certain kind of way. So there's a lot of different dynamics and aspects to it. And I think just have fun with it. Yeah. Just be who you are and own that confidence, that energy, the flirtatious fun, the sass, like Julie dove into. I think it's all really fun and a great part of being in midlife and being able to own all that. Okay, I have to ask you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So you're in this long-term relationship as a spicy midlife woman. And he's not a flirty guy. Long-term or long distance? Well, they're both. Long-term and long distance. He's not a flirty guy, so at all. Like I'm trying to pick up on his cues. I mean, his little things that he might do here and there, you pick up on, I don't. But it's like flirting with him must be hilarious. I love flirting with him. I know, but does he look at you like Michelle?

SPEAKER_02:

No, no. No. And that's, I mean, that's the great part. Like I said, flirting in a relationship is almost even more fun because you can more so be yourself and and know that you're loved all at the same time, regardless of your silliness or sass.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You know, because he knows that you're yeah, what you're doing. Uh-huh. Oh. Big pregnant pause right there. She doesn't want to give us any examples or anecdotes. Nope. I know a couple, but I'm not going to say them. Thank you. You're welcome. Even though we are on a podcast that's raw and real and filtered.

SPEAKER_02:

That's our podcast, not his.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Yeah. Sure enough. Sure enough. So anyway, getting back to this, ladies, it's this is probably something that if you have not been out in the world, if you haven't been dating, or if you've been married a long time, whatever. This isn't really about your essence and about what you are interested in pursuing. And if you want to kind of practice or figure out, you know, kind of how to flirt, because some people don't know how.

SPEAKER_02:

We looked up these tips, right? I mean, there we did look up these tips. These aren't our tips.

unknown:

Sure.

SPEAKER_02:

I think they're good ones. Yeah. Do you have any of your own tips? Yeah. I mean, they're they kind of go along with this. So making eye contact and smiling, right? That's kind of a no-brainer. Yeah. If you're comfortable with that. If you're not, the challenge is for you. You're it's for this week. Try to smile and make eye contact with somebody at the grocery store. Ooh. Or a football game like Dude did with Julie last weekend, you know. But no, just something super simple at the grocery store, somebody walking their dog, whatever it might be, try to make eye contact and smile and then lock the gaze.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, lock the gaze if you're interested in them. If not, if you're not interested in them and it's the elderly gentleman who's letting you go across the street, you know, whatever you don't need to lock the gaze with him.

SPEAKER_02:

Or give somebody a compliment.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

With confidence. Yeah. Right? Kind of like nice shoes. Yeah. Ooh, that's sexy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Nice shoes.

SPEAKER_02:

But yeah, just like a compliment, whatever it might be. Anything. Just an icebreaker, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Or nice necklace. Or nice jersey. Or whatever.

SPEAKER_02:

I like how Julie, because this is another tip. It's like using your voice slower and playful, like she was just doing. I like your necklace. The way she's saying it, slower and playful. Flirty. A little flirty. Use your voice, ladies.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You can because it's like it's a total thing we have that's right in our toolbox.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and here's the thing. Here's another tip. Flirt with the world, right? Not just your partner. There's all kinds of people.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, stop for just a second here. Well, okay. If you're partnered, be careful about flirting with the uh, you know, the under okay.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm talking about the elderly, like that you brought up. Like, there's a let me finish my train of thought here. I had I was trying to save you. Flirt with the world, not just your partner. And I say that like baristas, like, and that's girl to girl. That that can be the woman to woman, fun and flirty. Strangers, yourself in the mirror, flirt with yourself. Yeah. Like, do you ever do that? Yeah. All the time. No, I mean, but do you no?

unknown:

Really? No, I don't.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you know? I was just talking with a barista the other day, and we friended each other on Instagram. Look at that. Yeah. So I know what a flirty oh, she's hilarious. She's darling. And it's like, I don't know what it is with all these like 30-something girls. I seem to like want to bring them up into our world because 10 years from now they're going to be spicy midlife women, right? This girl is so hilarious because I'm looking at her Instagram. Oh my gosh, she is so sassy. Yeah. And I just went and got coffee yesterday. I was like, girl, you are such a sassafras. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02:

And this, okay, this is a perfect example because this is being flirty with a barista. Yeah. Woman to woman. But she's not taking it like I'm not always in a sexual connotation to all our points here. It's just being yourself, recognizing people, going after the connection with confidence and being empowered to do so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And with women, you know, it's like when we talk that way with other women, it's kind of like we're their tribe. You know, you're building them up. You're saying, I got you. I love what I'm seeing. I love your vibe. That's kind of what I mean, with that one gal I was telling you about, I was really conveying to her that I was like, oh my gosh, she has got it going on.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. I'm sorry, but everything you just said is what I was talking about. Have you ever like talked to yourself in the mirror and flirted with yourself in the mirror? All of those things you just said to her are things that if you haven't done it, to looking in the mirror and saying those things to yourself, please just try when we get off the recording here. Girlfriend, you are my vibe. You're my tribe. I love your smile, and you got it going on. Go out and conquer the world today. And put on those heels and looking all sexy and stuff. Yeah. Right? Just say it to yourself. Just try it.

SPEAKER_00:

I did. I posted something like last week. Was it last week where I kept seeing my angel numbers? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I had my very cute dress on. This super cute little dress on. And my cute toes. And I was and I was sitting on my bed and I was like, I took a picture. Uh-huh. And I was like, I'm kind of feeling this today. Yeah. So I guess I have. Feeling the flirt. Yeah. Gotta love it. Yeah, I gotta love it. Okay. All you ladies out there, we really hope that you have gotten something from this episode. And some of those things you're gonna take directly to the grocery store or to the football game or to the breeze to stand in.

SPEAKER_02:

Or to the mirror.

SPEAKER_00:

Or to the mirror and practice them.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because if you're out of practice, it's not gonna take long to get back into practice. And if you're in practice, you might be able to pick up a few extra tips.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because Michelle's like the biggest flirt you've ever met.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I'm not denying it. She is a total flirt. I just know and I always know when she's flirting because she kind of does this thing with her face and her finger. She kind of like goes through.

SPEAKER_02:

I have so many opportunities to flirt.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I do. I mean, I do. But really, it's not anything that I'm like trying to pick somebody up. It's just more like how I am.

SPEAKER_02:

Just being who you are. Again, back to that. It's it's the flirt word, unfortunately, is always wrapped up in trying to get approval or, you know, the sexual connotation behind it, but that's not it. It's being fun, sassy, and all of that. And of course, it's being spicy. We are thankful for our spicy community. Yes, we are. And we look forward to building the spicy midlife women community and for all of you to be a part of it. We are out there on all the socials, so check us out. If you like what you hear on these episodes, please download and share with a friend. Tell them about us and go give us a like and a follow. We would appreciate that. And you can send us a flirty DM. We won't hate it. We would not hate it. Go ahead and slide into our DMs. Yeah. Give us a flirty comment. We'd love to read those. That's never happened. No, never. No.

SPEAKER_00:

I've never had that happen.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, ladies. Peace out, ladies. Till next time. Stay spicy. Stay spicy. Bye. Bye.