38. Five Signs You’re Truly Fulfilled In Midlife

Are you chasing shiny objects or finally feeling grounded? In this episode, Julee and Michele come to you from the Emerald City to discuss the 5 Signs You’re Being Fulfilled in Midlife.

Life can be messy (literally—we talk about our own "hoarder" moments!), but that doesn’t mean you aren't winning. We’re diving deep into:

• Rooted vs. Restless: Moving from constant climbing to trusting your pace.
• Boundaries: Why "No" is a complete sentence and why we need to stop apologizing for it.
• JOMO vs. FOMO: Embracing the Joy of Missing Out and saying yes to the nap.
• Relationship Audits: Investing in people who bring clarity, not drama.
• Alignment: Living by your values, not old obligations.

🔥 COMING SOON: The Spicy Midlife Membership Community launches March 1st! Keep your ears open for details.

Connect with us:

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spicy_midlife_women
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spicy_midlife_women
• Website: https://www.facebook.com/share/1KU6N5SdMH/

Stay Spicy!

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life. 

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Midlife Fulfillment

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Hey, all you spicy women out there. Jules and Michelle here from Seattle, Washington, the Emerald City, the 206. And we are here sharing our real life stories and no yes conversations with all of you. Ain't that right, Michelle?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

That is so right. Go seehawks. Jules and Michelle here to help all you midlife women ditch those toxic cycles, redefine your relationships, and reclaim your power one episode at a time.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

And so we're going to get into it right now by reclaiming our power with this episode. Because there are five signs we're actually going to talk about where you know you're being fulfilled in midlife. And that doesn't mean that life can't still be messy, because for God's sake, we all know life is messy no matter how you slice it, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Oh, my life is like a a big hoarder's mess. Used to be, anyways.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Not so much anymore.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

But as we were talking about our studio here, it is it is a tiny bit of a hoarder's mess. I think I I need I need to have some recondoing going on in my my office here. Because uh it's it's a hot mess. Anyway, doesn't matter. It still is the place where we can record and we can chat and talk about all the shit that we're talking about, and um that's what we're gonna get into. So hey, Michelle, set the tone for us.

From Restless To Rooted

SPEAKER_00 1:52

So the tone is like like Julie was saying, things that that we want you to recognize as far as being fulfilled, especially in midlife. Okay. And for example, let me just like dive right into number one because we're gonna kind of buzz through this. First one is the fact that in midlife, it's a time where you should be feeling more grounded, rooted, you know, then you are feeling restless. You should be calming down a bit and recognizing things, you know, like less interested in chasing all of the shiny things. I know I say all the things, but you know, the things that we're going after, we should be less interested in that and feeling more grounded and calm and comfortable, if you will.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Does that make sense? No, that makes sense. So I think there are women that we are having as a part of our audience that don't feel that way. So this is part of what we want to kind of convey because Michelle is absolutely right. It's like there are we've gone through a lot of the that like chasing shiny objects or really persevering and you know, getting that major promotion or whatever the thing is that you're driven by. And you're kind of at a place now where you might even be a tiny bit exhausted by some of those things. And so the idea of feeling rooted versus restless is incredibly appealing. Incredibly appealing. It is to me. It's like, I mean, I like I like all that stuff. I like being busy and being focused on goals, which I don't think is a difference, you know, for anybody out there. But there's a difference between kind of trying to continue climbing and then just kind of taking a moment and enjoying what's in front of you.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

And you really have to trust in what that pace looks like, right? Trust in your own pace. And you, I think, really have to be intentional in the recognition of those things. Yeah. In how you're feeling.

Money Anxiety And Freedom

SPEAKER_01 3:52

I think one thing where people might be a little bit apprehensive when it comes to midlife is the financial aspects of things because they're maybe feeling panicked about being behind, you know, on gosh, have I saved enough money? Do I have a okay? These are these sound like really boring adult things, which they kind of are. But honestly, it's like they give you the ability to be able to have that freedom that you crave for your life. And not everybody has that. So you have to figure out how to create that for yourself and what that looks like. And, you know, if you've been through divorce or you know, you've been through bankruptcy or things like that, these are these are things we want to be able to talk about with all of you because there is nothing more fulfilling than feeling like you can truly take care of yourself and that you can envision what your future is going to look like.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

I I really want to bring it back to what it's feeling like, that fulfillment, right? So we we're just talking about thing, you know, what it means. What about what it feels like? So those are some of the things that it means, you know, being less interested in the chase, you know, trusting your own pace, that kind of thing. So so that's what it means. But what does that what does that feel like? For one, I think it's, you know, where you can just like take that deep breath and really exhale. Yeah, you know, just and just be. And just be.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Also, I think too though, being okay with I saw this thing where it was like focusing on, have you ever heard of JOMO?

SPEAKER_01 5:29

I had not heard about that until we started discussing this episode.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

The J, you know, having less FOMO, less fear of missing out, yeah, and more Jomo, which is the joy of missing out, right? And I think, I think you and me, there there are some weekends where it's like Friday night and you know, there's stuff going on, but we're like, we just want to like get comfortable and chill. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

We have our own party at home a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

And that really does fulfill at you know, we're I'm not saying all the time, but there are those moments where you become to be okay with that and choosing the things that matter instead of like chasing and reacting to everything. Okay, so let me ask you there's nothing you feel FOMO about? Nothing? Fear of missing out? Yeah. I mean, maybe there's things sometimes. Okay, like what would you feel?

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Like, give me an example.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Of fear, I see, I don't know that there is much.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

For God's sake, there has to be something.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Like what?

SPEAKER_01 6:28

I don't know. For me, it's like fear of missing out on going to sell some music, of course, of missing out on an artist that I really want to see.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah, see, I don't, I don't have see it. Actually, this is a good that we're having this conversation because it's gonna be different for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

I know.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

It it definitely will be different because I know that about you.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Yeah, well, and other experiences too. It's like I, you know, I I guess I never really looked at it like FOMO, but it's kind of like I haven't done that before. I want to do that. I need to do that. I see people doing it. I it looks like it's fun. I have to get there. I want to do so. I in my head, that's that's the way I am. But I I understand what you're saying because there are so many days when I choose serenity over any kind of craziness, you know, because I, you know, I it's my inside voice is talking to me, going, dude, you need to just chill.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah, it well, you know, and it and it's like that, you know, saying yes to everything, and we we're on to the next and on to the next and on to the next. Now it's just like it feels good to just like saying yes to a nap, you know.

JOMO, Naps, And Choosing Calm

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Michelle last week, this is so funny. It's like she comes home, she's had a long ass week, and this girl gets up so early for work and she's off and running and she's on the phone talking to people all day long. And I mean, it just honestly it sounds super exhausting what she does. And then she comes home and it's like she's not even in bed by 11 o'clock, and she's got to get up and do it all over again like five hours later, which sounds exhausting in and of itself. But she came home, she says, you know, we use Marco Polo, this app that we you know where we it's like video like texting kind of a thing. I'm just gonna like take a little 30-minute nap before we record.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

You know, I used to take cat naps when I was had had young children, and yeah, you take that little power nap. Never did. But I I literally don't take naps. Yeah. But the I yeah, the other day, man, see, I'm becoming more comfortable with saying yes to the to the nap, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Now, the nap thing, I'm kind of digging it on like a weekend where you can have like a little afternoon slumber or something like that. I mean, I could probably stay in bed all day if that's the case, but yeah, I've never been the nappy person. So as an example, it's like I was like, good girl, you know, you're you're probably gonna be up until one in the morning because you're doing this at like five o'clock at night. What the hell? Do it.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

No, I was not up late.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

No, she wasn't up.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

So what is what is the the second tip we can uh share with our listeners?

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Well, I think this is a really important one because we have something called boundaries that we are honestly in a lot of cases discovering what those are. And that is if you're a pleaser and you're a yes person, you may not have very good boundaries. And so it's something you want to maybe evaluate because the more you kind of determine what you need and what you want, those boundaries will become handy.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

So many of us as women have that as really a personality trait, that people pleasing thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

And and I think what this one means with you know, not having negotiables with regard to boundaries is being able to, you know, not apologizing for that.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Right. Have you ever just on a side note? Have you ever noticed how much women say they're sorry for things?

SPEAKER_00 9:46

I mean some women.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

You pick up on the shit all the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Yeah, I I do, it's very noticeable to me.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Yeah, and I and I'm constantly saying, you don't need to say you're sorry, or it's who are you? What are you apologizing for? Right, yeah, don't be sorry. And a lot of that goes back to the whole pleasing aspects, you know, of things. But I think protecting your time and energy is super important, and that's where you become more aware, you know, as you're becoming older and people are still grasping from you on different things, you know, whatever it is, it's like you have kids in school, maybe you're the room parent, maybe you've volunteered to do some stuff at church, maybe you've who knows. I mean, there's a lot of things that will pull your time, and you have to be careful because the moment you stick your finger in and go, yeah, or your big toe, and go, yeah, no, no problem, I'll do that. Then all of a sudden you're doing everything. So yeah, and I I've had a tendency to do that with my time as well because you want you want to be involved in a lot of different stuff.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Yeah.

Boundaries And Letting Go Of People-Pleasing

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Um, I was having a conversation with my daughter today, who has just had her birthday today. So we went out for birthday and and I was explaining to her how it's like our and this is more of an or overarching thing, but it really goes back to uh the the topic that we're talking about with with your boundaries, is that as women, which she hasn't experienced this yet, obviously, but as women, it's like we have put ourselves kind of behind all of the things that we support. And I'm sure a lot of the out there will resonate with this. We've taken care of our kids, we've taken care of our families, we've taken care of our jobs, we've taken care of all these things, and what's left? And it's like I told her, it's like I've done all of that with all of you, I've done that with my life, I've done that with my job, and it's like, and it's time for me to do things differently. And you know, the look on her face preach, preach, preach. Well, the look on her face is kind of like she's not so sure she really likes what she's hearing.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

It's different for kids. Yeah. One, I love that you're able to have that conversation with your daughter, because because not everybody, you know, is is comfortable doing that. Yeah. And so many times we have this elephant in the room. We know that there's stuff there, you know, being able to talk about it, I think that's huge. But you know, and having those boundaries, what so again, what it means, we just talked about that stuff, but feeling that fulfillment, what what is it that these things are going to feel like in regard to this?

SPEAKER_01 12:11

I think it feels like you can breathe, you know? Yeah, like there's relief, like you have the ability, like you were saying before, to exhale because you are finally putting yourself first. Now, when I say putting yourself first, I'm not talking about being selfish. I mean, maybe it does come across as being selfish, but if you've been selfless, then Oh my God, how long have we been doing that?

SPEAKER_00 12:33

I know aren't like right? It does.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

I mean, it's kind of in my DNA, quite honestly. It's like when I have to tell myself, no, there's a boundary, then all of a sudden I'm like, damn, it's like I sound like a bitch, but I know I try not to say it in a bitchy way.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

And just, I mean, just so it's not always easy. Yeah. But the bound the boundary thing is not always easy. No, we recognize that.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

I think it goes back to how you know you view yourself too. You know, it's like your self-respect, for example, that you have it's like you almost stand a little bit taller when you feel like you can establish what that looks like for you. And I've and I've seen people around me do that, you know, in different parts of their life. And it kind of makes me chuckle a little bit because I'm like, oh damn, I know it's up. I know what they're doing. And I love it. I love it for them because nobody's gonna do it for you but yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Yeah, that is so true. And I think true, this brings us into the third thing that uh I want to talk about, and that is the third tip, I guess, being curious. And these things are what fulfillment shows up as curiosity, yeah, if that makes sense, right? About yourself, about relationships, things that are, you know, you have to look forward to in the future with regard to different things you have going going on and opening up and trying new things in life. Yeah. And knowing that it doesn't have to be perfect.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I mean, I've run across a lot of women, men too, you know, in in my life, and probably as people have have kind of aged into the different parts of midlife and things like that, where the cynical aspect of the way they view the world completely impacts everything about how they are. Isn't it? I mean, it's so noticeable to me. And then of course there's the opposite of that, who, you know, everything is sunshine and roses falling out of your ass. I mean, so there's gotta be there's a balance, I think, between the two things, but cynicalness kind of turns into complaining in in a lot of ways, or turns into lack of solutions, lack of um being able to see a bigger picture because they're so focused.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

So much more fun, isn't it though? Curiosity is way more fun, and curiosity doesn't equal nosy.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

No, I know, but sometimes people think because I am I am a super curious person, as you know. It's like I ask the most ridiculous questions because I need to understand things. I don't know, it's just how I am. But yeah she's kind of gotten to know that I don't mean anything by it when I do it. But it is absolutely is because even even though we are in this place in our lives, there's so many things we have not experienced, you know, and people maybe assume because you're you're getting into the that part of your life that you already know everything and you don't. You know, there's so many things we haven't been exposed to, you know, things we haven't we haven't traveled to or cultures we've never experienced. There's so, so, so many things.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Well, and and and the things that I think as far as what it feels like when we're talking about that fulfillment and curiosity is going to be a spark of excitement, right? Abilities that there are because being curious about things, it's because you don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

That that's the whole thing about being curious, and and you know, it kind of brings to light that I'm I'm not done yet. Yeah, there's still more to be curious about, even in midlife. Yeah, there's a lot more to be curious about. So it's kind it's kind of exciting.

Curiosity Over Cynicism

SPEAKER_01 16:02

It is very exciting, yeah. I know. I I like being a student, you know. I think there's a lot of there's just like there's just so much out there that we don't know. And uh, you know, we may we're obviously not gonna know it all, but it's like I'm totally open to learning more about just a variety of things, and I think that's really important as you're kind of sparking interest in, you know, kind of your you know, second breath, I think. Yeah, you know. So and tip four, we're talking about relationships maybe in midlife when you're kind of at that peace with yourself, feeling much more intentional as opposed to fleeting, as opposed to so so much effort being put into something. There are things where you truly are investing your time in someone that you really are interested in.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

So true.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

And that can be that that can be in a partnership relationship, your family relationships. There's a whole lot of things where that intention comes to play because this is so interesting. You saying this with tip number four. I I really recognize that with myself in midlife, in the relationship I'm in now with a partner, with my family relationships. Super. There's just so much intention because those are the people that like fill your cup. You know, and um, you don't you don't want the ones that drain you. So so that's where that intention comes into play and really being mindful about the relationships that you do have and how you're choosing to surround yourself with the people you have in your life.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Yeah, and they bring you joy, they don't bring you like drama kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

And it's all about like quality of those relationships, not the number of relationships we have, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

100%.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Uh the quality is is definitely because that's gonna, again, how is it gonna make us feel that fulfillment? It's gonna bring emotional clarity when you're being intentional and choosy, quite frankly, uh, about who you want in your life and surrounding yourself with the people that support you so that you can feel supported. Right. You realize, I think, in midlife that you you have the choice to bring those things into play. What you want and what you don't want.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

That is that is up to you.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

100% up to you.

unknown 18:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

100% up to you.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

And of course, that word intention is my word for 2026. So I actually kind of draw that into a lot of things with relationships, I think in particular. It's you have to really look at them in a way to where we don't have a lot of time, free time. I mean, I felt like I didn't have free time, you know, when my kids were younger, and even, you know, when they were in teenage years and all that kind of stuff, I didn't feel like I had any time. Now I feel like I I have even less time, which is weird.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

It's really kind of I'm just listening to you, and I'm just sitting here thinking it's really kind of a mind fuck to know that you have less time ahead of you than what you have behind you.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

I know. I'm just saying it's like during the day, it's like time in a day. So investing in people, it's like you have to really think about how much time do I have to invest, truly invest in people that I want in in my life. And we just I just don't have a lot of time to do that. So I want to make sure that the people that are in my life are it's very intentional, you know, the people that I'm hanging out with and I'm spending time with.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Great segue into tip number five, because living in alignment is what this is and not obligation, right? It kind of goes with what we're saying, making choices based on what your values are and not expectations. We just had an episode a couple weeks ago about that, and designing what you want your life to look like and not just fulfilling or defaulting to what those old roles have been and were. I think that's the easy way.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

That's the easy way to deal with things when you don't want to deal with something. Yeah, kind of like liken it to like treading water is and that we just talked about this too, not changing.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Who benefits from that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

But sometimes I think we we put ourselves in a position where it's too much work, it's painful, it's like there's so much drama that corresponds with you making a change that it's just easier not to.

Intentional Relationships That Fill Your Cup

SPEAKER_00 20:18

But when you do, but when you do what it feels like in regard to this fulfillment that we're talking about in midlife, it gives you freedom. Yep, it's gonna light it. You feel lighter because you're doing what you want to do. Um, and it gives you a sense of like this is who I am now. I know. I love it. It kind of feels really exciting. It is exciting, it is exciting.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

So we guys we want you guys to be super excited about this too, because as we kind of transition and go into this year that we're in right now, we have a community that we've been talking about coming. And it is actually getting ready to launch on March. Yeah, and it's actually getting ready to launch on March 1st. And so there's more information that we'll be having coming, you know, regarding this in the next couple of weeks episodes. So exciting!

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Yes, it's a it's a membership community, it is coming March 1st. Yeah, more to come. That's all we're gonna say because it's gonna be super fun and super exciting, and you are gonna want to be a part of it, no doubt.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

I mean, I already see there are so, like we were talking before about so many women that are like on TikTok and stuff, they are just like us, they are just like us, they are in that place where they are craving something different, you know. And even like this last week, I was talking to some people that um I hadn't seen in a while, and they had been listening to some of these episodes and had been going through breakups and really heartache stuff. And they were listening to episodes, going, Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I needed. And it was it just made me feel so good to know that the information was resonating. And there's just some amazing women out there, you know, who I'm just really excited to get to know.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

And stay tuned this month. We're we're gonna have some more really great topics. We're gonna keep them like like super simple and streamlined and to the point. Because as we we go into the rest of this year, uh, you know, we we want nothing more than to bring all of you with us. So stay tuned. Go check us out on all the socials Instagram, Facebook, and of course, TikTok. That's the one.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

on TikTok. Yeah. We brought the dogs in this last couple weeks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

So and yeah, stay tuned. And until next time, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Thanks so much for listening. And we look forward to talking with you again next week. Stay spicy.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Stay spicy.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Bye. Bye.