40. Why Connection Matters in Midlife

Is midlife leaving you feeling a little isolated? You’re not alone. Julee and Michele are back to talk about the critical power of connection during the biggest transitions of our lives.

We’re breaking down:

• The Transitions: Managing aging parents and empty nests simultaneously.
• Living the Lie: Moving past the "I'm fine" defense mechanism.
• Finding Your Tribe: Why we need other women to normalize the messiness of life.
• Identity Shifts: How to reintroduce yourself to yourself after years of being "needed."
• The Spicy Collective: A sneak peek into our upcoming membership community designed to bring us all together.

Connect with us: 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spicy_midlife_women 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spicy_midlife_women 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1KU6N5SdMH/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Spicymidlifewomen-jandm

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life. 

Transcript

Welcome And Midlife Connection Theme

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Hey all you spicy women out there, Jules and Michelle here from Seattle, Washington, bringing you all kinds of real life stories and no BS conversations to live by in midlife. Right, Michelle?

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Oh yes, to live by. That's right, Jules. We're here to help all you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles, and reclaim your power. Woo! One episode at a time. At a time.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Okay, Michelle. This is gonna be maybe a little bit of a juicier one. Okay, maybe not super juicy. We're gonna make it juicy. We're gonna make it juicy because it's all about the connections that we have in our life, specifically in midlife, which is where we're at right now. But these connections can be all kinds of different connections, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

So what would you want to start with? Do you want to talk what do you want to talk about the types of connections or what do you want to talk about first?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

I want to talk about what midlife really feels like and why what does it feel like? Yeah. See, you were twisting for those of you that can see her, she was like twisting her hair like that. I was not flirting with you.

Life Transitions Reshaping Relationships

SPEAKER_01 1:33

I was not flirting with you. She goes, Really? You're not? She's kind of disappointed. I am disappointed. Yeah, anyway, I'm twisting my hair because I'm thinking, but the power of connection in midlife, we have kind of come to determine is probably one of the most, in my humble opinion, critical things that we need as we're kind of trying to navigate all these different changes that have come between, you know, kids and family and work and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because the connections you may have had before might not be the same ones that you're going to have as you go into this next chapter.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

And I think in general, those transitions are pretty universal when you're talking about all the different transitions that we go through in midlife. Because you've got the, you know, aging parents. I'm kind of going through that right now myself, caring for my 98-year-old mother, helping to. And empty nesting is happening in midlife. Sometimes there's career changes happening. So and I think on some level or another, most women are going through one of these things, if not all of them. Right. At any given time. Or it's coming. Or it's coming. And you can definitely try to prepare yourself. But I I think the goal here is to know that connections make these things easier on some level.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

And meaningful. I mean, honestly, it's like I want our listeners, all of you guys out there, to walk away with this feeling of an understanding about connections that you have right now in your life, things you're maybe trying to figure out whether you want to keep, or ones that you're maybe starting to develop because you're maybe developing new interests, or, you know, getting a little bit more bold and getting out there and trying new things that you're not really familiar with. So we really just want to encourage you and understand that there is a sense of belonging that goes along with the connections that we have in midlife that I think is pretty important, you know, when we when we're moving into different things, different territory, if you will.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Well, you don't feel so alone. Yeah. Or isolated. Yeah. It kind of gives you a certain, to a certain degree, sense of empowerment when you have those connections, knowing that there are other women going through the same types of things. And you can draw from their experience when you have those connections. You you can feel um supported and it will, you know, a lot of times can help you grow in some of those areas based on what other people are going through. That can help you as well. So it's like you don't have to try to figure it out.

Belonging, Support, And Shared Experience

SPEAKER_01 4:06

You're you're telling me this, and I'm laughing because I was talking with with my daughter, Zoe, who is not a spicy midlife woman yet, but she will be at some point. And I am laughing because she's starting, she's going through a lot of the things that we had gone through as we were in our 20s, your late 20s into our 30s. But her messages to me, her message like she sent me today was, Mom, I don't know if I can handle this corporate world, it's sucking the life out of me. And I just started cracking up because I'm like, Yeah, it can do that if you're not careful. But I also think generationally, it's like we were in a place where we just hit, we were grinding away. You know, we were hitting, you know, trying to hit all of and achieve all of our goals. And we were, you know, there were so many things that kind of went by the wayside. They think differently nowadays. I'm starting to notice it's like that the things that we put so much value in and so much importance in for whatever reason at the time, they just don't look at it the same way. A lot, a lot of folks that are in that age category. So the connections that they're longing for, or what I'm envisioning that she's gonna be longing for, is about her like future family connections and having kids and being able to spend time and you know, rehab uh a good friendship or two, you know, that she can rely on. But uh right now it's like you can't see the forest through the trees because the the momentum of everything that she's with as example dealing with really is kind of overshadowing a lot of these other thoughts, you know, perhaps that she's having. So we have uh we've gone through a lot of that. And I I would say with connections that we've had, you know, with our let's just talk about like work, for example. There have been some wonderful connections that I've had with my work, some wonderful friends that I've uh maintained friendships with throughout the years. And if I had not had those people in those jobs, those connections in those jobs that I was holding, I would have probably it would have been a lot more difficult, not nearly as much fun because I'm all about fun. You gotta have fun when you're working, you gotta enjoy what you're doing. You why are you laughing at me?

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Well, I'm listening to you because I'm I'm I'm making a comparison in my mind between you and I. Yeah, we've been through a lot of the same things. We're married for a very long time. We had the family, we were working in the corporate world, we're doing all those things, and I know what Julie's talking about. She does have these lasting relationships that she established through her career with those people, and they have been longstanding. I didn't do that, I was very isolated.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

This is why do you feel like you were more isolated?

Generational Views On Work And Values

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Because I don't know, but but this in listening to you, I can see the differences that that there are with people. And I guess I say that to bring up the point that this is why we're here talking about these things is to make people like me at that point in life realize that to go outside of that, do like Julie, like make those connections and a lot of them are worth were through work because that's all I I mean, literally like everything was through. But it's probably carried you through. Yeah, it it uh not completely, but to a certain degree, those connections have, I'm sure, immensely helped. Where uh you know, I'm just thinking as I was listening to you, maybe not having those, it it was maybe uh more difficult for me to to navigate some of the stuff that I was going through because I did feel isolated and maybe not as supported. I had support, but in in different different different ways. Yeah. So that that's the only reason I was smiling, just thinking about that.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

But it kind of makes sense because and maybe in the areas that you worked in, it's like people were not as you know motivated to develop any kind of interaction with people, you know, as more people that were, I won't say transient, but people were moved along into different jobs more quickly.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

I think though you have to seek it out too. There's there's stuff you have to do on your part to make those connections. You've got to sign up for the whatever, you have to have those conversations, find the commonalities between the people that you're associating with, those kinds of things.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

So, what do we do with like our audience right now? It's like we've got women out there that are terrified to do this. They're terrified to go out and make connections. Why do you think that their hesitation is out there? Where do you think that's coming from?

SPEAKER_00 8:26

I just think the unknown, probably judgment with what they've got going on. And that's the thing. I think shared experiences can normalize some of that messiness that goes on in life. And I'm I just I'm not talking, I'm just bringing up the messiness because those are sometimes the the parts of our life that can hold us back when things are messy. We worry about yeah, we we avoid it, we hide it. I always called it living the lie. Yeah. Living the lie, you know, oh yeah, I'm good, everything's great. You know, fine. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Life is like literally a four-letter word.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

It's yeah, yeah, it's yeah, it's not a good thing. But when you do have a community of of people where you do have those connections with those shared experiences, that's huge. It really is huge and can bring a lot of beneficial information to your life as well as what you have. More importantly, what you have is gonna help somebody else, whether you think it can or not. Yeah. I wouldn't think that some of the stuff that I've gone through and and have learned through to and brought me to where I'm at now at the time, you know, what what do I have to offer somebody else as far as a connection, you know, uh and that would benefit them and their life. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Well, I just I'm I'm I always felt like the burden. You know what I mean? I always felt like with as much stuff as I had going on personally.

Work Friends, Isolation, And Seeking Community

SPEAKER_01 9:50

You were very good about hiding a lot of that, like you said, the kind of living the lie thing. Okay, so I'm just gonna butter her bread a little bit here. It's like she's got this energy about her that makes people, I don't know what it is, but everybody wants to be around her. They want to hang out with her, they want to do stuff with her. And it's like, so I kind of feel very privileged to be your friend. Are you so sweet? Because you've always been that way. So anyway, okay, I'm done buttering your bread. Yeah. Okay. Um, I think it's important that we talk about this stuff because as we move into our community, and all of that is coming very quickly, which we'll be talking about just in a second, but um the impact that we could have with women who are all in kind of similar places has become very evident to me. I had no idea there were so many women that were out there with the types of experiences that we had, or were in a position where they were feeling very hesitant about making changes in their life because of the repercussions that might be out there, or really just living the way they want to live. I mean, we've been through some of this stuff too, because it's like we're struggling with people having outside opinions on the things that we're doing, or um, you know, inside opinions. Like I just heard today my my youngest tell me, he goes, Yeah, my oldest, he does not want you to date. He doesn't want you to date. And I was just looking at him going, Are you really? He goes, Yeah, he doesn't want to know anything about it, he doesn't want to hear, he doesn't want to know anything. It's like he it's kind of like la la la la la la la, mom's not dating, you know, kind of which I just think is the funniest thing. You know, he goes, he wants me to be happy, but he doesn't want to know anything about the details, and frankly, he's not going to know anything about details. But I just think it's interesting how much pushback we get when we just try when we're just trying to figure our shit out.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

We're just trying to live our fucking lives, right? Yes, have a little fun, do all the serious things, but then again, you know, all the lightheartedness things there are in life to enjoy, whether it's it's dating, friendship connections, well stuff with your yourself, going on thing the trips alone, yep, weekend getaway alone.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

But I think I mean, well, when we're talking about connection in midlife, we're not just talking about connection to other people. We are talking about the reconnection, I should say, that we have with ourselves because we almost need, at least I felt like that myself, almost needed to reintroduce myself to myself and then go, really, is this who you are? Because I was realizing that I was not, I was just kind of going through motions of things where you're still figuring things out. Well, yeah, always. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Yeah. It's a never-ending journey. You, you, it is not a destination, ladies.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

No, it isn't. But I I think having really good friends, really good girlfriends, having a husband or a partner or significant other that is there to be your support system and your cheerleader is amazing. Doesn't always happen. A lot of us don't have that. And there's it's not necessarily the most important thing, but it sure is nice to have, I would think.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

I think it's interesting too, because uh in in a big way, just our community with this podcast of listeners has has really been though we don't know you, we don't know you people.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Yeah, it's we really know you people.

Fear, Judgment, And The Messy Middle

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, but it's really been um a connection. Yeah, we feel very connected with what our platform is, the things we talk about, because we we get feedback from our listeners and people that we do talk to talk to that listen to our podcast, of course, you know. And for me, that is those are connections even in midlife. Yeah. That's why the the spicy collective is what our community, we're gonna have a membership community here that's that's launching. And that's why, you know, in talking about this, it makes it even more exciting, just knowing that we're gonna be bringing people together in that way where we can share all these life experiences, what we learned, glean from other people what they've gotten to benefit from.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

And you guys we're kind of talking, like I'm kind of excited about the group chat portion of this too, because I think there's gonna be so much shit that women are gonna be feeling comfortable asking about that they wouldn't necessarily normally ask about. Right. I see this on some of these little platforms that I'm I'm on. I don't really I'm more of a voyeur, I don't really participate. I just kind of watch what's going on around on these little platforms on social media. But there are a lot of things that women are sharing with other women in a good way, like to do with sex, to do with their body, to do with menopause, to do with whatever, you know, that uh from their own experiences. Now, grant you their experiences are their own, and you kind of take bits and pieces from things, but I'm telling you, this is gonna be the best way for people to just flat out ask something that've been too embarrassed to ask, or share a story that they want to get some feedback on from other women that are in similar places in life. I just think it's gonna be cool.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Anyway, I think that the the connections we have build our confidence too. We've been talking a lot, like recently, I've been doing a lot more stuff with the gym. This is a really good example. You go into these places, right? And they can be kind of intimidating, especially if you don't really know your way around the equipment, for example, or you know, the equipment's taken, and then what do you do next? It's like you got to go to somewhere else or kind of pivot and do something else. I think having connections with people, like I'm meeting people at the gym, I'm meeting these, I've met these women there that are awesome, and you know, they're showing me what they're doing, and you know, we're kind of pivoting and sharing ideas together, and it's kind of made it fun because I know I'm gonna see them when I'm there. And if I have a question about something, one of them is uh, she's kind of a trainer. She was a she was a coach at the boxing gym. She can show me what to do, and I don't feel uncomfortable asking her at all. I I think connections can happen in lots of different places to help build your confidence too, especially when you're trying something new. For sure. For sure. So anyway, so let's talk a little bit about the community. So the community uh will be having the link that will be shared here pretty soon. I don't know if it's gonna be this week or next week, but we'll be putting it out on the socials as well. And there will be uh a community that you can sign up for. Michelle has probably a little bit more details about some of that.

Reclaiming Self And Setting Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 16:21

It's just it's it's gonna be the Spicy Collective. It's a it's a paid membership platform. And yes, we're gonna have a link for you to join probably the first half of March. So so just keep listening and we'll continue to have details on it. We're gonna have every month is gonna be different. We'll have a monthly theme that we come together on. We're gonna have things for you to do for improving or racing or questions or whatever, depending on the topic, the theme. Yep. It we'll have an outline uh of things to cover. And as we go through the month, there's gonna be a community chat in there. It's gonna be like our own little social platform because we can communicate with each other, we can ask questions based on what the theme is, what whatever it is. Yeah. And um we'll we'll have a a mid-month, you know, kind of check-in um with everybody. And then at the end of the month, we're gonna have a a phone call. It's it's gonna be like a Zoom call where we bring everybody together, we get to meet and see faces and talk about what what you know things they they gained through the monthly theme, what they did as a result of it, things that they could share with others, bring questions to the table. The evolution, really.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

And yeah, that's becoming more spicy, kind of embracing your yes, midlifery, if you will, and really owning it and like being proud of it, and yeah, really kind of sharing, like Michelle said, a lot of those things that we're doing with other people, because why the hell not?

SPEAKER_00 17:56

If you want to be spicy and you don't feel like you are, this is gonna be the place to kind of gain some of that stuff and and uh establishing your own sense of identity in midlife. Really, I think. Re-establishing, re-establishing what you already know is in there and bringing bringing it out, baby. Bringing it out. So we're excited about it, can you tell?

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Yeah, it's gonna be fun. Yeah, we're looking forward to it. So in the meantime, we are on the socials, we're on TikTok, YouTube, we are on YouTube as well. Please like and subscribe. We are really building our YouTube channel, so we're having a lot of fun with that. And of course, Instagram and Facebook. We would love to hear your comments and any questions or feedback that you have. We would definitely be engaging with all of you. Michelle and I are really into kind of doing that. We're at that place where we still can. So I would love to hear any feedback or anything that you guys have. Let's hear it from you, ladies. And until uh next week, stay spicy, please. Stay spicy. Bye, bye, everybody.