43. The Midlife Wake Up Call

Have you been running a circus for everyone else but forgot to buy yourself a ticket?

While Michele takes a short break for family, Julee is kicking off a brand new 6-week solo series: The Spicy Awakening. In Part 1, we are tackling the Midlife Wake-Up Call. It's that moment you look around at everything you've built and secretly ask yourself, "Is this all there is?"

We discuss the danger of complacency and why personal growth can feel so inconvenient when you're busy holding it all together. Julee breaks down the true meaning of confidence (it's not about being the loudest person in the room), how to reclaim your sensuality, and why we need to stop disassociating just to get through the day.

If you are tired of going through the motions and ready to step into your "badass" era, this series is for you.

Watch the full video version on our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@Spicymidlifewomen-jandm

Connect with us: 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spicy_midlife_women 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spicy_midlife_women 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1KU6N5SdMH/

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life. 

Transcript

Michelle Steps Back For Family

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Hey spicy women out there. Before we get started today, I wanted to give you a quick update. As you can see, I'm here by myself and Michelle is not here today. She has had some family stuff come up and needs to take a little break from podcasting and from other things. And you know, when we talk about midlife or we talk about life in general, it's like life gets lifey and things come up and things happen. And this is all about me supporting her and her doing the things that she needs to do. So in the meantime, I'm gonna be sharing a six-week series with you on the spicy midlife awakening that I'm kind of excited about. And this is gonna be six short episodes that really kind of give you an outline for uh a spicy reset, if you will, kind of finding yourself in that midlife time frame. Now, without Michelle here to keep me honest or to keep me, you know, not sassy, it may get a little spicier, who knows? But anyway, I'm looking forward to this and I'm gonna get into it right now. So here we go. So this first episode is about your wake-up call. It's about realizing that you have more to give. You have this epiphany, if you will. You wake up in the morning or whatever, and you're just like, oh my gosh, is that all there is? Is this what it's supposed to be all about? I have said all those things myself and didn't always have answers for them either. But that's kind of what we're gonna talk about a little bit in this episode today and be able to kind of line up a few of those things so it makes more sense, you know, for all of you. Midlife is a moment when a lot of women look around and realize that they have been running a circus. They've been running from place to place, from responsibility to responsibility, and they never sold themselves a ticket. They are just putting it on for everybody else. And so that's where we talk about a midlife reawakening. Because as we go through all the things that we go through as we're raising families, as we're climbing the corporate ladder, trying to do the best for ourselves and for the people that we love, we sometimes get in a place where we forget about ourselves. And so we want to kind of think about that and ask the tough questions as to what we can do differently so we can really kind of enjoy the time that we have to, you know, get to know other people or to travel or to do the other things that are out there and have them be more meaningful. Looking responsibly at your life can be kind of scary, actually. I mean, I've done it myself. I do it all the time, actually. And I start thinking about the things that I'm doing and if I'm going into these habitual patterns, if I'm doing things that are easy because that's easier than trying to deal with hard issues and constantly having to kind of remind myself that, you know, in order for me to really evolve and to choose myself and to choose joy, I have to kind of look at the tough questions that are out there for myself. Eventually, a little voice, as I mentioned before, kind of shows up in your head and says, Is this what it is all about? Is this what I've been working so hard for? And am I really enjoying it? Am I having fun? Am I going through the motions of life, or am I really embracing the things that are out there that are in front of me? I think you'll all agree that sometimes awareness can feel kind of, I don't know, inconvenient. You've been politely ignoring the big questions maybe out there because you are not wanting to deal with them, or you're like, I don't have time to think about that right now, or it's not a really good time in my life to think about that right now. So kind of evolving and growth and change, it can be damn inconvenient sometimes. I mean, I guess that's what it really boils down to because the opposite of that really is complacency. And when you have complacency, we all know what happens, you know? You think, oh, I'm gonna have a potato chip, and then you have the whole bag of potato chips because, well, I already had a potato chip. Or, you know, you're having an extra drink because I already had one. Maybe I'll have another. So let me ask you this when was the last time that you looked at your own life from your own perspective and not from anyone else's? I had an experience today that I wanted to share with you, just a little side note, because this was one of those moments for me when I really was having a conversation with somebody that made me realize that I certainly wasn't looking at things from the same perspective as they were. There's nothing wrong with that, obviously. We can all look at things from a different perspective and we don't have to agree on them or anything like that. But it made me realize that we all are in such different places. You know, my experiences are gonna be putting me in a very different place, probably, than all of you. But what we do have in common is that we are going through a similar time in life, right? So with all of that in mind, there's different bits and pieces that we can take from what we're talking about today and really apply them and ask ourselves the tough questions that we know we need to ask, but we definitely are kind of avoiding. It's not about what everybody else needs. It's not about keeping the peace even. Um, it's not about what's making life easier. You know, it's about what works for you. So a lot of that really relates to confidence and your own relationship with yourself. And again, you guys, I can't even emphasize this enough. This is not something where you accomplish it all at once. It's like an evolution process, which is kind of why I'm calling this the evolution process myself. But it is one thing where you really kind of come into going, oh my gosh, something happens and you realize that you need to look at something, a topic, uh, a relationship, your behavior, whatever it is, differently than you did because something inside of you isn't feeling right about it. There's so many times when we just ignore that, you know? And I think what I'm asking of all of you today is to not ignore it, you know, to really look it straight in the face and ask yourself the tough questions about what is your life going to be about? What is it that brings you joy? What is it that you want to do that you're holding back on for a variety of reasons? So let's talk about confidence for a minute. All of the things that I'm talking about here today all directly relate to confidence and having that secure confidence in yourself. Now, there's we are, as a general rule, probably pretty competent people in one capacity or another. I know people that are competent in every capacity. I'm not one of those people. I mean, I don't know that I necessarily feel secure in every aspect of my life. And if I told you that I was, I'd be lying. And I think that's really an important note to make because all of you, if you're taking an inventory on your life, you're probably asking yourself the same questions. There's things that you feel super confident about, and there's other things that you don't feel confident about and that you need guidance on, or you need your friend support, you know, or whatever to kind of get you over the hump on that. I think confidence is built through small moments, through moments of honesty, through moments of vulnerability, through moments of really kind of saying things out loud that you didn't want to say before, but you feel so much better that you've got a load off your shoulders. The confidence is built through having those types of interactions. And all of that also directly relates to things such as how you carry yourself and what you wear and, you know, how you present yourself, frankly, because all of those things directly relate to how people perceive you and how you perceive the world. So confidence is something in midlife that I think we lose sometimes because we start second-guessing ourselves more. And I want to really work with all of you and determine how we can make that better. I think one little thing to say about confidence that kind of speaks to me is that it's not where you walk in the room and own the room. It's not where you're doing that. You know, I mean, it could be, I suppose, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's about having your presence be there and knowing that you deserve to be there wherever there is, if it's in a boardroom, if it is at the office, if it's in your kids' classroom. Confidence is owning the fact that you have that ability and you deserve to be in a place where you want to be. And that might always, you know, I shouldn't say always, that might contradict how other people view it. And that's the thing that I think we struggle with. Because when the people that are around us that we care about have a differing opinion or see things differently, it makes us second guess ourselves. So it's about developing the confidence that you feel comfortable where you're at and the direction that you're going. I would say that confidence can be damn spicy too. Because I mean, even in the dating world, we talk about when you run into somebody who's confident, it just brings out this extra level of sexiness that it's hard for me to articulate and describe, but it's like, it doesn't even matter how good looking someone is. It's how they carry themselves. And you see the way they carry themselves for men or women, but it's confidence isn't uh something you say. I almost think it's more important to articulate that it's something you feel and something that you carry in yourself. Midlife can also be a moment where women in particular rediscover their sensuality, rediscover their sexuality. They've been probably potentially going through menopause, potentially in a bad relationship. I mean, women, as we know, are more emotional beings. We shut down a lot quicker than men do, I think, in a lot of ways. And so, you know, the reawakening of your confidence level really directly relates to these other areas too, and even how you talk about them, you know, or if you do talk about them, really. Feeling attractive, feeling desired, dressing for you and not dressing for other people, those are all components of your confidence level. And some of them probably feel a little out of reach sometimes, you know, but that doesn't mean they are out of reach. It just means you need to figure out a way to find them. I mean, for God's sake, women, confidence is something that may even feel like a boundary, you know, when you're dealing with people, but really it's about going out and buying that damn red dress or buying that pair of heels or, you know, fixing your hair in a certain way. It's about doing something that is good for you, not for everybody else. So what we're finding is that women reconnect with themselves. There is a shift. It's subtle and understated, but it's there. They maybe stand a little bit taller, they maybe are more pointed with the things that they're saying. It's not about uh taking over or taking control or anything like that. It's really more about um and it's really more about an energy shift. The confidence is what creates that energy shift. So I want to ask you guys a couple of questions to ponder. And I would love a DM or, you know, any kind of comment on the the podcast itself, but a DM would be great so we can have a personal conversation. But I want to know, you know, where do you feel more like yourself? Where do you feel like you are performing a role? And do you know the difference between those things? I mean, sometimes I can say for myself, there have been moments when I have completely disassociated with what's happening around me, almost like, you know, you're looking at a crystal ball and or a crystal ball, but you're looking from the inside of a house out of a window, you know, out to what's going on around you. I think that that happens to a lot of us because that disassociation just kind of gets us through the day. But it's really not a way to live. I mean, it happens all the time. But if it's the thing that happens all the time in order for you to feel like you can get through your day, then you really need to probably think about doing something differently so you can feel like you're more alive. So anyway, I wanted to just get into all of this. You know, over the next six weeks, we are gonna have a series that's gonna be talking about a few of these different components. And I'm really excited to share all of those with you. We're calling it the spicy awakening. And this is gonna be just a series that I'm doing on my own when Michelle is out. So I think we're gonna have a little coaching that's gonna be coming with it. And I'll get into that a little bit more in the next episode or two. The coaching itself is really to get clearer, to build that confidence we were talking about, maybe learn how to communicate a little bit differently and start creating that next chapter that you have in front of you. So if you're doing all of these things with intention, uh you just feel it. You feel it, you understand it, you are owning it, being all you're you're being that badass, really, that you want to be. You just need a little step to get there. So, anyway, with that in mind, I want to just thank all of you for spending some time with me today. And I'll look forward to our next episode, which will be number two in the series, that'll be dropping next week. Have a great one and please stay spicy.