51. Coming Home to Yourself Rebuilding Body Confidence in Midlife

Episode 51. Coming Home to Yourself Rebuilding Body Confidence in Midlife 

Hey spicy ladies! In this raw and honest episode, Michelle and Jules from Seattle share their real midlife journeys  from hiding their bodies after kids, emotional eating, menopause weight gain, and going from size 6 to 14+… to finally reclaiming confidence, wearing bikinis, and feeling sexy in their own skin again.
If you're a woman over 40 struggling with body changes, menopause symptoms, low confidence, or feeling disconnected from yourself — this episode is for you. No BS, just real talk, laughs, and actionable mindset shifts.
🎯 What You'll Learn:

Why body confidence has NOTHING to do with your dress size
How menopause, motherhood & emotional eating affect your body
The difference between appearance vs presence
Sexy selfies challenge + wardrobe hacks that actually work
Breaking negative body talk cycles for your daughters
Self-acceptance, the “Never Settle” era & coming home to yourself

⏱️ Timestamps:

00:00 Intro & Welcome
00:53 The Real Talk Begins – Body Confidence in Midlife
02:05 Michelle’s Story: Hiding her body after kids
04:58 Jules’ Story: From size 6 to 14 & emotional eating
07:18 The Menopause Factor Nobody Talked About
09:38 First Bikini Moment in New Orleans
10:57 How People Treat You Differently at Different Sizes
12:27 Appearance vs Presence – What Really Matters
13:27 Ditching the “Perfect Facade” & Gym Makeup
15:25 The Power of Feeling Sexy for Yourself
16:49 Jules’ Never Settle Era & Mindset Shift
19:08 Sexy Selfies Challenge Do It for You!
21:11 Treating Your Body Like Your Lifelong Companion
23:33 Message for Moms: Breaking the Negative Body Talk Cycle
25:22 One-on-One Coaching Announcement + Closing

💬 Comment below: What's ONE thing you're doing right now to feel more confident in your body?
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell 🛎️ for more real talk for midlife women!

#MidlifeWomen #BodyConfidence #MenopauseJourney 
#RebuildingConfidence #MidlifeCrisis #WomenOver40 #Perimenopause #BodyPositivity #SelfLoveMidlife #MidlifeGlowUp #EmotionalEating #MenopauseWeightGain #MidlifeMotivation #SpicyMidlifeWomen #SelfAcceptance #NeverSettle #WomenOver50 #MidlifeWellness #BodyImage #ConfidenceOver40 #MidlifeMakeover #HormoneHealth #MidlifeFashion #StrongWomen #ComingHomeToYourself

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and DM the word "spicy" to get more info about the online 1:1 coaching program called Step into Spicy Confidence - 

See the links below👇 

Step Into Spicy Confidence 1:1 Coaching Application/Waitlist Form

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Transcript

Welcome And Why We Are Here

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, all you spicy ladies out there, Jules and Michelle here from Seattle, Washington, the Emerald City, bringing you all kinds of no BS conversations, right, Michelle?

SPEAKER_01 0:10

That's right, Jules, here to help all you midlife women redefine your relationships, ditch those toxic cycles, and reclaim your power one episode at a time, which is why we're here. Because we're going to do that right now.

Body Changes And Feeling Disconnected

SPEAKER_00 0:24

That's right. She looks pretty excited today. Hey, so today we've got a good one. We're going to be talking about body confidence and coming home to yourself and rebuilding that body confidence in midlife. So when you are thinking about disconnecting or reconnecting, I should say, to your body in midlife, what are some of the feelings that you can share, Michelle, that you've had about just your appearance, external appearance, internal, how you're feeling about it when you felt like your body was really changing. Disconnected. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

I mean, I think that comes into play where you're just trying to ignore what's happening. Yeah. Right. And there's the disconnect. I'm just going to ignore that. This is I'm feeling some kind of way. And it's affecting how I'm feeling about how I look externally. So we just shut it out. I did, anyways. I just shut it out and just kept moving.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

There were there were clothes that I would wear because I could feel myself, my body was changing, obviously from having children and everything. And I got back into shape pretty fast with a couple of them, not so much with the second and third, maybe, but I would wear like t-shirts, you know, they didn't tuck. Things like that where I wouldn't tuck things in and I would wear them with leggings or something. So then my legs looked thin and then my middle section wasn't necessarily showing. And I just felt so uncomfortable in my body, you know. And then the big humongo boobs, you know, that just, you know, went on for days, not in a sexy way at all. But uh, you know, nursing and all that stuff, you just you feel like your body is really not your own.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

So I think those adjustments are necessary. Obviously, we're gonna do those things with a changing body. And it doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. I think it's when you actually disconnect that word, I think is super important. When you disconnect from that, that's where I think you know, being in tune is gonna be super important. The whys behind those things, those are things that women go through. We do that. It's not bad, it's not ugly, it's it's it can be beautiful, and we're gonna adjust how we uh dress ourselves externally because it's gonna make us feel better internally. I think it's all part of the process.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

It is, it is part of the process, but as we as we evolve, our bodies evolve and change. It's like these are new things that we may not feel super comfortable with. And we've talked so many times and different variations, obviously, of you know, women who are kind of getting lost or kind of forgetting themselves, putting themselves last. This is exactly where this starts to happen. That's the piece that matters because you're just like, I am too tired to wash my face, I am gonna stand up and eat mac and cheese off the kids' plates because I'm just too exhausted to try to make something healthy for myself, or you know, I'm gonna forego a good night's sleep because I've got to get these projects done, whether it's work projects or whatever. And so you're tired.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

So I know take kids out of it. If you don't have kids, there's those things like you were saying there at the end. I'm maybe eating in bed at night because the day's gotten away from me, to your point. I'm working on a project or whatever for work and you know, not doing the best things for the body.

Emotional Eating And Quiet Weight Gain

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Yeah. So I can think of a time when I wasn't listening to my body, and this wasn't even that long ago, but I was what I thought was in a quote happy relationship, you know, and I think I was just like so excited about just we were eating out all the time, and yeah, I would have ice cream and I would do all this stuff. Well, I went, I was going from like literally during this time frame, a size six to a size eight to a size 10. And then I had never had any pants that were any bigger than that. And so I went and got new pants that were size 12, and then I got new pants that were size 14. Instead of going, holy shit, what are you doing? I just kept getting bigger. And I mean, to the point where it was like I really was not, I was not happy, I think was part of the problem. So I'm an emotional eater and I would eat things, especially my treats and all that kind of stuff, more late at night. I was doing these things that I were I knew were bad, but I'm like, it's not good for your my health, it's not good for me, but I don't really care because I'm gonna just do it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Same. You're saying that, and I was like, I got up to a size 22.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Oh wow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so and then the more you put on, the harder it is to get off. The more you're like, I'm looking at pictures that are from that time frame, Michelle, and I'm like, oh my god, who is that person? I mean, I look totally different and I don't look happy. I look like I'm trying to make myself look, you know, put together, but I don't think I really was because I was, you know, clearly not doing a very good job of it.

Menopause And The Missing Conversation

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Yeah, and I just want to say these are our experiences. There's nothing wrong with being a size 22, but I think the message that we're trying to convey here is how we got to that for us in our own story, and and the realizations that we can look back on now and know the ignorance of just continuing in that path and not really addressing maybe some of the reasons why. And menopause being part of that.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Huge, huge, huge part of it.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Because I can say 20 years ago, 2015, 20 years ago, it wasn't being spoken about like it is now, right? The awareness really we we knew about hot flashes, we knew women's bodies were changing, we knew about the way nobody was talking about it, right? Right. We really realized the evolution that it was. It's not that it wasn't normal, but but the the knowledge that it's the evolution that we can go through made it very difficult.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah, and there are a little I I love Michelle's disclaimer because obviously we're talking about ourselves here, and everybody is you however you're comfortable in your skin, wherever you are are in your journey, and it's totally you, you know, you you do you. This is how it works. I can say for myself, I noticed differences in my health, you know, like I my knees hurt or I was winded, you know, like I was not able to like get upstairs the same way. I mean, this is like, girl, you are not that old and you're really having these issues. It's like, what the hell? You know, and so it took a lot of uh kind of thought on my part and to how to figure out what to do because it gets so you get so overwhelmed, you know, with what's happening in your daily life. And sometimes it's like, I'll deal with it. Have you ever said, Oh, I'll start that Monday, or I'll deal with that Monday, you know, it's always Monday, you know, is the new start day, and you go for a couple of days and then you're like back to where you were before. And I think that this uh the body competence thing has always been an issue for me, frankly. Uh even being a child or a young adult, I looked a lot older than I was because I would develop so much sooner. And so I was treated differently. And even by my own dad, you know, just like put something on, you know, and I wasn't even trying to like show my cleavage or anything. I was just a kid, you know. But even to the point where, you know, I would all the way up until after I got divorced, which is kind of interesting, it's like I would wear a t-shirt over my bathing tube.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

I know I got her to wear a bikini for the first time without covering up.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

I know when we went to New Orleans, yes, and I'd never always like so liberated. I was so liberated. I'm like, oh my god, I'm wearing a bikini. This is so awesome. And now it's like I've got choices, you know, I can look at different things. And you know, it's me. It's like maybe someone else doesn't like what they see, but I don't really give a shit because I do.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

You know what it is? There is something for everyone. Yeah. Something for everyone. And I just love that now looking back, because for me, some of those things came into play when I we were talking about this before we got started, and it was between my 49th and 50th year, same reasons. My knees were killing me. I started to pay more attention to what was going on with my body. I started asking questions to myself. I started doing some research and looking into things to the reasons why.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Because you were tired of feeling like shit.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

I mean, really, what it boils down to is like, is this my new normal? Yes. Is this gonna be the way I'm gonna accept things today? It does not have to be.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

No, I mean, if you want it to be, that that's a whole other episode. But you know, we're talking right now about it, doesn't have to be that way. And you know, you can have body confidence whether you're a size two. Believe it or not, there's a lot of women that are size two that have zero body confidence. Exactly. Two, six, four, or there's no matter what the size. Oh, yeah, more than I need to get. Yeah, no matter what the size. There are women with body confidence it is issues, and it does not have to be that way, I guess, is is the message here for a plethora of reasons.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Did you notice, just out of curiosity, did you notice when you were larger, like the largest size that you'd gotten, that you were treated differently? Um, yes. I did too. Absolutely. It was subtle, subtle, kind of understated, but definitely noticed a difference in how people responded to me and how they, I mean, even were friendly, honestly. You know, which as I'm saying this now, it's like I I remember feeling that way, kind of like feeling almost inadequate sometimes, you know, when I was around people that were put together and I didn't feel like I was put together. So this is all during that time frame. So I know a lot of um women are feeling that way and trying to figure out how to do something different. And a lot of it's not necessarily about your outward appearance because all of that stuff ends up corresponding to how you're feeling internally. So if you're looking about absolutely, yeah, it's not about your appearance so much, it's about how you present yourself. Like, and when we say confidence, we're not even just talking about, you know, you're wearing a Gucci belt, who cares? It's not that, it's more about how you carry yourself, how you uh scan the room with your eyes, eye contact, yeah. Um, how you respond to questions, you know, if you think off the cuff or if you put thought into the answers, or if you ask questions yourself. There's so many different components to it, and how you how you come across or how you convey. So that's a little bit about what we're talking about today. There is hope in getting from point A to point B because we've done it. Uh and and let's not say that everything is perfect, because it certainly is not. It's just we look at it differently now. Yeah. You know, we're looking at it more from I want to be, I want to be super healthy, but I want to be cute at the same time. So if you're able to if you're able to accomplish one, you can accomplish the other.

Perfection Pressure And Natural Choices

SPEAKER_01 11:19

I love these comparisons because I think it's perfect when what we're talking about is redefining the confidence. So you're just pointing out the difference between parents and presence.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

What's another one do you think? I think we also need to look more. There's a lot of folks that are really adamant about having this perfect facade. You know, women especially, you see this a lot. Perfect. Perfection, yeah. Like they're they've got the perfect lip, they've got the perfect makeup. They don't leave the damn house without makeup. I just think that's crazy. For me, it is. It's like, but then again, I leave the house without makeup all the time. There's women that go to the gym with a full freaking face of makeup. Now, do your boo if that's what you want to do, but it's like, oh my god, I am not taking all that time to make myself look good to go to the gym for a bunch of gym bros who couldn't give a shit anyway. I mean, I'm just like, why would I do that? You know? I will put on mascara though. That is one thing I would. I mean, I leave my makeup on.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

I don't like get ready to go to the gym, put full makeup on, but I'll go to the gym after work and you know, do still got makeup. That's different.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

I'm just talking about being, you know, like preparing to go to the gym and having a full face. And you know what? There are women that do that and they feel comfortable that way. That's their way of feeling comfortable. It seems like a lot of extra work to me. And honestly, it's like I think the more natural look sometimes is underrated. Yeah. You know, I mean, unless you look like exhausted and tired all the time, then you might need some eye brightener.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

It and it's it's back to that presence. That I mean, this all has one has to do with the other, right? The way you're presenting yourself, carrying yourself, the eye contact you're making, right, comes into play with that self-trust, not the protection, but the self-trust you have in your presence, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Right. I love that. I I think external validation isn't it that might be what you're seeking, what people might be seeking, but really is more about how you align on the inside. I truly believe. Because all of those things are tied together. You are it's tied together to how how you feel. Like if you let's say it's spring, right? So you go out and find a beautiful new little spring dress that just gives you a pep in your step, you carry yourself totally different. It isn't like when you wax your hoochie. Wax your Ouija. Your Hoochie. I was like, oh, when you wax your kitty.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

It puts a pep no, yeah, it puts a pep in your step.

Self Acceptance After Survival Mode

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Girl, you I'm telling you, it's like nobody knows what's going on but you're not. We've talked about this. Yeah, we're bringing it on. They don't have a clue that hit them, you know. Anyways, so uh I feel like this is a time when we have a turning point toward more self-acceptance. And it's really about how we get there. And it's not like there is this A to B to C format to get you there. A lot of it is how you are able to really internalize what you're feeling and own it, and then figure out what from there you can do to change it. And really, borderline is it does come down to your confidence and how you feel and how you look and how you carry yourself.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

You know, you know, that came after I got divorced, right? Because there was so much in my life.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

I was I wasn't in tune, I wasn't paying attention to any of that. I was in survival mode, man.

unknown 14:47

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

And so there really wasn't a lot of time for that. And it was probably like I said, about five years after I got divorced, that's when I was noticing some of the things that were going on. I was paying attention. And then it started to shift. I had this mind shift and this is going into my throes of my life. And you make these mental shifts that happen that happened. And you know, you start making little changes, doing things that feel better. And it was just this journey of self-awareness with what's what's going on with my body, which affected what was going on in my mind. And it was just a game changer. I didn't even know that it was going on. Um and I can I can see that now. That's that self-acceptance. Is that your never settle era? Yeah, yeah, that was my never settle era, and it's that self-acceptance that comes into play. And you know what you deserve, and you just start for me. I just started painting differently. And it was a mind shift, which that inner alignment to your point is what was the difference maker.

Try Sexy Selfies For Yourself

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yeah. I can recall right after I got divorced, Michelle and I were hanging out more together. We were doing things together, and we we went to this one concert. I don't know if you remember, we went to that concert of. Yeah. And we we went into the bathroom and she was taken and she took selfies of us. And I was like, I had never taken selfies. I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna, I mean, I'm gonna just like totally pose for this selfie. This is I had never really done that. You know, we did that. I know, I know that sounds really silly. But it was like it's not silly. Or I was like, you know what, I'm feeling really daring today. And she curled my hair in like these little ringlets or whatever that were super cute, and she's looking at me like, okay, y'all curl your hair. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't get all these little curls. Oh my god, it was so cute, my hair. And just trying different clothes and tried a and I a bathing suit, just things that I would never do before that.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

So here's here's something I want to challenge people to try because I love the story that you're sharing right now, Julie. And I used to not not only you, and this was during my never settle era where I was coming into myself and that self-acceptance and everything like that. And I would do that, I would take selfies not to post, but but just to get an idea of what I look like, who I was externally, right? And this this is all outside stuff, but but it does give a boost of confidence. You look at that and you and you try, you sexy, nobody's watching. So I just challenge you if you don't do that, try it. You might let it again as a post. But just take some frivolous, sexy selfies, yeah. Um you can see how useful you really are.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

And it's nice to look back on some of that stuff too.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

If you just stand in the mirror, take them like shots, you know, you know, pose like you wouldn't normally pose yourself. And you know, just feel sexy. I know it's kind of fun. Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

I just had some stuff come up on my memories. That's what made me think of that time when we were uh we were living kind of in the same place. I was my house was getting done at the time, and we went to the swimming pool and we have a selfie of us posted, and I'm wearing a bikini. I'm like, oh my god, I'm just like I've arrived. Yeah. I just laugh about it now because it's like I wouldn't I don't even think twice about that stuff now. And that's that's gonna be something different for everybody.

Style Tweaks And Treating Your Body Well

SPEAKER_01 18:21

That's what it is for us. It just might be if you sundress out with your girlfriends, stuff that you maybe haven't done or don't normally do. Just step out and own it.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Own yourself, own your beautiful body. You've only got one. I think that's the one thing that people don't realize. Well, they do realize they only have one. Yeah, but you're you we abuse our bodies. I mean, I think about the type of thing. They put up with a lot of shit from us, don't they? Literally, yeah. It's like between just like the lack of sleep or you know, putting, you know, going in the sun without sunscreen. These are just basic things, but baby oil, you know, the Gen Xers out there, man. We put baby oil, olive oil. It's like the more sunburn we got, the more happy we were. And now we're paying for it, you know, with the sunspots and everything that come out of that years later. But it's really about just kind of trying to figure out what works for you and rebuilding your confidence with your body. And maybe that's that you want to change things up. Maybe you want to change your style or add little things to your style that kind of make you feel more comfortable. Like maybe you want to get some funky earrings to go with an outfit. I know these sound like really silly little things, but they're really not. I mean, it kind of exciting to see when people try new things, you know, because you could tell they're out with other people. And there's some people like Michelle, she could try new things all the time. And I don't even think anything of it because she does it all the time. I'm like, oh, what's she wearing today? And it's usually some kind of theme from something else, and she pulls it off because of her confidence level in what she's got on and how she does it. And so I don't know a lot of people that are like that, but I think it's kind of fun, you know, because a lot of time. I take shitty clothes out of my closet, or at least I think they are, and then she puts them on. I'm like, okay, what did she do? It looks so much better. Looks so much better. She twists the side or she does something with it, and I'm like, damn, I wish I want that back. My sister does that too.

What Kids Learn From Our Self Talk

SPEAKER_01 20:18

That's so funny. She's like, Oh, that's that's what I gave you. I'm like, Yeah, it's great. Yeah. She's like, never mind, we'll share. Yeah. I think it can be done. Yep, we're midlife, we're talking about midlife, rebuilding body confidence, I think, can be done at any age. But I think with all of the dynamics, the physically that go on in midlife, it's a great time to do this, to reconnect. That's you know, we're speaking to so many midlife when um as you do this, your body is your lifelong companion, right? You will always have this this this companion. So treat it well and love it, be confident in it, be confident in yourself, and now know that it's this powerful time to reclaim that identity.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

That's it for perfect.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

And another little side note I'm gonna put in here for you gals out there that have daughters. This is kind of a huge issue, you and maybe with boys too, but I'm saying I have a daughter that um, you know, she she pays when she was young, would pay attention to everything I was doing and or not doing. Yeah. I can see some of those things having kind of rolled into her as an adult now. And then she's gonna have children. So you see there's a cycle if you're not approaching things healthy or you're talking about yourself poorly, or say, oh my god, I'm so ugly, my hair looks crappy, or blah, blah, blah. They hear all that stuff. Yeah. And they hear how you berate your body, how you berate yourself, and they will kind of internalize and take that stuff in. So just a little just a little tiny cycle.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Interesting 'cause as you're sharing that, I'm thinking as I have the sons, of course. So there's women in their life that they now in midlife I do my best to to try and be an example. I mean, my good and I literally promise you it will make a difference.

Program Tease And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_00 22:10

You'll feel you'll feel a lot more sure of yourself. Yeah. Yeah. But again, that's a process. So anyway, well, we hope you guys have kind of enjoyed talking about this with us or hearing us talk about it, I should say. There's so much more where this topic comes from, I'm telling you. And women in society, whether it's today or 10 years ago, it doesn't really matter. It's like we kind of get a bad rap because everything's around us, you know, magazines and the internet and you know, brands and products, and just all of it's kind of geared towards this stuff. Now the things that are geared towards us are about like skincare. Anything about skincare or about you know anti-aging or things like that. And it's like, I swear to God, sometimes I fall for a lot of these and then everything looks the same. But you know, just taking care of yourself, you know, portion future. Uh we're excited to uh roll it out because it's gonna be a fantastic program. I'm really psyched about it. Yeah, yeah. Uh it's an opportunity really to spend time with the both of us one-on-one on very specific topics that have to do with kind of investing in yourself and your spiciness in your midlife time frame. Yes. We've got lots of things to share on that.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

In the meantime, check us out on all the socials. We're over there on TikTok, uh, Facebook, and Instagram. You can watch us on YouTube and Spotify. If you're there, please press the button to subscribe. We would love it. Love spending time with you all.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

That's right. Well, thank you guys for spending this time with us, and we will be chatting with you next week. More to come.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Take till next time. Bye.