55. What if midlife Lust is an Awakening?

#MidlifeLust #CrisisOrComeback #SpicyMidlifeWomen #midlifeawakening 
Crisis or Comeback? 🔥 Midlife Lust Is it a Crisis or an Awakening?

Ladies, have you ever looked at your partner and thought Who is he… and why is he breathing so loud? Or caught yourself crushing on the pool boy, the barista, or the guy with power tools? 

In Episode 55 of Spicy Midlife Women, Michele & Julie get real about Midlife Lust that sudden spark of desire that hits in your late 30s, 40s & beyond. Is it a midlife crisis… or the beginning of your hottest comeback yet?

This episode breaks the myth that desire dies in midlife. Instead, they reveal how these “lustful moments” are actually powerful messengers about your unmet needs, buried confidence, and what you truly crave.

What You’ll Learn:
- Why midlife lust is more common (and powerful) than you think
- How to turn random crushes into fuel for your current relationship (or your next chapter)
- The difference between emotional awakening vs. actual crisis
- How to stop feeling guilty for wanting more
- Why ignoring these feelings can crack your foundation… and how to use them to rebuild stronger

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, newly single, or navigating menopause fog this episode will make you feel seen, spicy, and empowered.

Timestamps:
- 00:00 Intro + Recording Outside in the PNW
- 01:25 Midlife Lust – Crisis or Comeback?
- 02:46 Blowing the dust off buried desire
- 04:22 The myth that desire dies in midlife
- 05:40 Pool boy moments & what they really mean
- 07:10 The girls’ trip story that changed everything
- 11:08 Unmet needs & emotional safety
- 16:30 What your crush is actually teaching you
- 19:20 It’s an Awakening, not a Crisis
- 22:05 Coaching & How We Can Help You

Drop a 🔥 if you’ve ever had a “pool boy moment” and comment “SPICY” if you want more info about our 1:1 midlife coaching program!

Listen now and remember: You’re never too old to feel desired. Never apologize for wanting more. 💋

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#MidlifeLust #CrisisOrComeback #SpicyMidlifeWomen #MidlifeAwakening #WomenOver40 #DesireAfter40 #MidlifeMagic #MidlifeMotivation #HotInMidlife #NeverTooOld #MidlifePodcast #EmpoweredWomen #SelfLoveJourney #LetItGo #PleasureReimagined

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and DM the word "spicy" to get more info about the online 1:1 coaching program called Step into Spicy Confidence - 

See the links below👇 

Step Into Spicy Confidence 1:1 Coaching Application/Waitlist Form

Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

Discover Our Exclusive Range at Spicy Midlife Women

Transcript

Coaching Program Invitation

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey all you midlife women out there, are you ready to step into spicy confidence?

SPEAKER_00 0:04

If the answer is yes, then we have some exciting news to share. We are launching a one-on-one coaching program for midlife women who want to start showing up with the most confident version of themselves and who aren't afraid to go after what they really want.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

This coaching program will help you discover your voice, embrace your desires, and develop your inner confidence so that you can truly live the authentic life you want without holding back.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

There are only three spots available, ladies, so head to the link in the show notes and apply now. Now let's get into the

Midlife Lust Crisis Or Comeback

SPEAKER_00 0:37

episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

All right, ladies, we got a good episode for you today. It's all about midlife lust. Jules, is it a crisis or a comeback? I guess it depends. I it does depend. And first of all, I just want to point out that we have the luxury of recording outside in the beautiful Pacific Northwest because that's where we're at. So if you hear the birds in the background, or maybe a dog occasionally barking off in the distance, or the cheers from a soccer game. It's because you'll know you're in the suburbs. Yeah, that's just where we're at. Um anyways, but midlife lust, let's talk about this.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Have you ever looked at like your partner across the table, Michelle, and going, Who is he? You know? He's still hot, but who is he?

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yeah. Or why are they breathing so loudly?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

You could say that when they're uh sleeping too. This this takes me back to uh, yeah, more so when when I was married, and for sure. Uh that these are some of the things we're gonna talk about because I I think especially for me, anyways, when I was like 40s headed into 50s. Um, and I don't know if that resonates with your time frame at all, Julie, but for me it did. And suddenly, you know, if there was anybody paying attention to me, I just thought, I mean, I was the shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Well, you kind of were.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

I mean, but you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:58

So did you that that actually it's it's kind of like, oh my gosh, someone's paying maybe you hadn't really gotten that attention at home, or you just don't really even think about it, and all of a sudden someone pays attention to you and you're like, oh hi. You know, like someone noticed me. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. I've got a couple stories of my own on this one. So we will chat about that a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

But um well, and I just I I want to point out because now I know at that time it's it's not necessarily, you know, we talk about the whole mid midlife crisis thing, and it's not necessarily about that, but it's I think kind of blowing the dust off from our insides and reawakening some of the stuff that's in there that has been buried for a while.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Yeah. Like really, really buried. You know, kind of like put on the back burner. And it's not just for you, but it's like when you're in a relationship, especially, this is something that probably happens more often than not. But you know, midlife lust is not about um cheating, it's not about um, you know, your partner or whatever. I mean, heck, you don't even have to be in a relationship for this to happen. But I think it's more, we're really focusing on this more as kind of like a wake-up call. Yeah. You know, it's like because there's something, like Michelle said, that is buried in there that maybe hasn't stirred in a while. And so then you see the, you know, the guy with the power tools, and you're like, oh shit, he's hot, you know. Pool boy. Pool boy, the pool boy, or you know, the guy carrying drinks or whatever. And it's not even about the guy. It's okay, it could be about the guy, it could be about what he looks like, it could be about how he's dressed, how he carries himself, you know, all of those things. But it could also just be about you going, hey, I'm kind of noticing this person that I didn't notice before.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I think there's a myth out there too, that desire in midlife kind of dies with the age. Yeah, that's very true. As we're moving on. And I call bullshit on that.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

I honestly think that it's actually become more prevalent as I've gotten older. Like I just really ignored it during a lot of like the beginnings of menopause and things like that. That's the

A Girls Trip Wake-Up Moment

SPEAKER_00 4:04

last thing that was on my mind, unfortunately, or my husband. It was just the last thing that was on my mind because I didn't feel great in my skin, you know. I felt like I just felt icky. I didn't feel like I was well put together during parts of it, or I didn't feel like I looked attractive in parts of it. It was just, I wasn't putting the time or energy into me.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Did you find though that in those pool boy moments, I don't know what when those moments are, I'm just using that as an example. But it it kind of, you know, does shake the dust off of things inside, even when you're in that uh redundant relationship of marriage or partnership, whatever it might be. Um and when you have a pool boy moment and somebody might pay attention to to you, um, for me it was uh but football coaches. You know, my boys played football.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

And and sometimes, you know, they they pay attention to you or you know, say things and it's like, okay, kind of puts puts a little pep in your step, kind of blows the dust off from the the inside. And then, you know, you you can be a little more intentional. You kind of like a little bit of a bring that back into your own relationship.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Yeah. Well, you could take that home with you for sure. For sure. You know, but you think about it, it's like you're in that place, it's like your significant other's probably in the same place. Or you get into these routines, right? When you're in relationships where if there's not a lot of um things to mix it up, if you're not making an effort to mix things up, things become very routine. Sex becomes a routine, but routines become routine. It's like, what's Friday night? Oh, it's pizza night. You know, it's like it's the same thing all the time. You're just revolving the clock, and the next thing you know, it's Tuesday. Yeah. And it's Tuesday again or Wednesday or whatever, you know, and uh the the patterns don't change. So it becomes kind of predictable and maybe a little boring. Now, predictability isn't a bad thing necessarily because I think predictability uh provides kind of safety, you know, in not physical safety, but emotional safety when you know kind of what to expect or you know what your partner's all about. If you're in a place though where either A, you don't have a partner, or B, you have a partner who you don't feel completely comfortable around, like maybe they have a wandering eye, or maybe they uh are really flirty with other women around you and then they blow it off and say, Oh, you're overreacting, you know. They're not giving you the same type of attention that they're giving other people. You notice those things. So if someone does pay attention to you, uh it it it carries more weight, I guess is what I'm saying. It might carry a little bit more weight. It feels good. Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I I can't always it's like, okay, I uh I am sexy.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

You're so, so sexy. Yeah, yeah. Um, I had a I had a little story on this one that um I wanted to share because I think this is a really good example. And this was when I was in my late 30s and I was on a girls' trip with um some of my friends, and my husband wasn't happy at all about me going because he was home with the kids, right? And it was like four days or something. And when we were out, we were at this place dancing and stuff, and I I ran across this person, right? Danced with him, had so much fun, we had such a great time. Nothing happened, obviously, physically happened or anything with him, but he it's it's like he is not he is not the the center of the story. The center of the story is me because it's all about me. Um, but but what that person did was really kind of wake me up. I mean, and and there's more to obviously that time, you know, we spent a lot of time talking. Well, and you totally remember it.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

I remember yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

There was an age difference too, which is a whole nother topic we'll get into in a later episode, but uh it it it woke me up. It was like, what the hell? It's like I'm having conversations with a perfect stranger that I should be having with my own significant other. Yeah. And I wasn't. I mean, they weren't super intimate conversations, but my point being is that I was having conversations with someone else that was not my significant other. And it made me realize how much of that communication I was missing. And so it was a good thing in that it got me to have that conversation with my significant other and and you know Was that hard? Oh my god, so bad. It was so hard.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

And it was it wasn't even like something that I mean, kudos to you for doing it because I I think there's a lot of women out there that that wouldn't have, you know, the courage to do that. Well, there's a lot of men that don't want to hear about this anyway either. We're trying to edit ourselves, right? To save the pain of somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

All they want to do is know they they just want to know if you slept with them. Right. That's all they care about is if you slept with them. No, did not. But that's not the point. The point is that this person, you know, kind of woke me up and it was a good thing. And I I appreciate that person to this day. I've never spoken to him since. Uh and it and I didn't don't need to speak with him. Yeah. But what he uh made me think about, what I was lacking, became so incredibly evident at that point uh that it was I knew that I needed to do something different. And so that's where I think a lot of women are, you know, right now. And when you get into this whole you know, lustful thing. I mean, women, we go out and we see like, you know, the Chippendales guys or whatever. I mean, it's kind of a joke, really, because we're out lusting over some guy with painted on abs and you know, he's super cute and stuff, but we have no interest in these people, it's just more for fun.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

You know, well, and I think at 25 that's what we wanted. Yeah. Well, I was married with two children by then, but you know, in the younger years. What do you mean, painted on abs? Well, just no abs in general, like, you know, good looking, you know, attractive fits. But don't you want that like in your aged group group you're at? Yes, but but the I I think what's more attractive for me anyways is emotional availability.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Well, there's the physical aspects of things for sure. Of course. Okay, so when you're left lusting after somebody, you're not lusting after their brain, right? You're I mean, you you're lusting after what they look like really, or what they you envision or what you initially that can be the case.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

But you never really, if you're in a relationship, you don't get to the point usually where you're finding out enough about this person to go, oh, look at all the things they offer that my spouse doesn't offer. I mean, you don't get to that point.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Well, I wasn't, I was just thinking in general. I didn't think about the fact of having a spouse. Yeah. I I was just thinking in general.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Well, if you don't have a spouse, I hope you do something about the lust. Unless he's married or in a relationship, and then that would be really bad girl code, girl form. You know, we would never do that. That would be super bad. But there are picnic girls out there that do that kind of stuff. So sadly. That's kind of beside the point. But um, I guess, like you said, the myth is that in midlife your desire fades. And if your desire, if you're being told that, then that's probably what you're starting to believe. And then you start carrying yourself in that way, that your lust is.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

You just really have to be intentional. I I believe and

Unmet Needs And Emotional Cheating Lines

SPEAKER_01 11:01

and I know this now. I didn't know it then. Like, and I'm I'm talking like 40s, yeah. Right. But you really have to be intentional um about uh really understanding yourself and diving into what your confidence level is in regard to these things, because it really starts within, I think. You're right, right? Because there's always gonna be um lustful um encounters, if you will. Uh you know, like I'll just use the the pool boy example, you know, there's there's lustful encounters, whatever they might be, right? Um, but you have to to understand that the signs of a lustful attraction are probably highlighting unmet needs, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Or it could be foreplay. Like you're getting that lustful attraction, you're like, you can't wait to get home. There's that option too, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:56

For sure. So um, but I I just I and I guess I'm talking about more when it when it becomes more of a wake-up call, those those lustful moments or interactions that you might have, um, unmet needs, uh, maybe you're not feeling seen. We just had an episode about that, you know, making yourself fully seen in midlife.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Um uh and that's probably one of the most dangerous things if you think about it in a relationship, because and I go back to the relationship aspects of this, because I think a lot of women that are listening are in them. And when we're talking about this topic, it's like there's this borderline between emotional cheating or uh, you know, cheating in general, you know, and you may be in a relationship where it's open, you know, so those things might not be an issue. But uh, you know, for the most part, people are in monogamous relationships, so it's not, you know, something that they would probably be comfortable doing or their spouse wouldn't be comfortable hearing about it, so to speak. Yeah. And I think that's your gauge. You know, it's like you can lust after the the pool boy, or you can lust after the, you know, I don't know, the who who would I lust after? The cable guy? No, I probably wouldn't lust after the cable guy.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

I mean, it could be a barista, it could be the bartender, it could be, you know, the soccer player.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

As I'm as we're sitting here talking, I'm like, who am I lusting after right now? I don't know. Probably probably someone that vessels at the gym. I don't know. But I I kind of leave that as my safe space, so I don't really do too much of that there.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Well, and but I think like you had to do in having that honest conversation after that experience that you had um with that person that you met, those are the things um, you know, an experience like that exposes obviously it exposed cracks probably that were going on already in in your current relationship, right? Yeah. Um, and gives you reason to like it did for you, like really take a look at that and um gives you certain pause. Knowing that you know that that a certain attraction like we're talking about isn't necessarily the problem. Um, but again, I'm just going back to unmet needs that that can really be part of that.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

So I think that's a huge part of it for people, although they won't necessarily admit it, you know. Yeah. It's not like they're necessarily gonna say, I have unmet needs, and so I'm gonna have fantasies about this person. It's like sometimes fantasies about some other person uh might, like you say, you might take that home with you and be able to apply it towards whatever's going on in your own house, which is not a bad thing. You're you know, your person doesn't need to necessarily know that you're lusting up about the guy over at Shucks Auto Supply or whatever, you know, or or Home Depot or wherever.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

So like when the barista remembers your coffee order, right? And maybe your name. So you keep going back there because, you know, we're that that just like feels good. And then we start, you know, dreaming about being with the barista guy in the future.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

And then my mind goes with, yeah, but he doesn't have a good job. And he's there goes Julietta. I mean, I just I start getting into all the things going, yeah, okay. Well, this this I just ruined it for myself, right? Oh well. Yeah. Or the cute guy at the dog park who has a husky. I just imagine what his house looks like with all the dog hair.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

But well, it just yeah, there you go. Um, but in those moments, like uh I again I I want to bring it back to the intention and focusing less about the other person that maybe more what it says to you. Well, and yeah, more about what it's saying to you and rediscovering yourself and the whys behind some of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah, right. So the crush itself is really more about uh information, really. And it's the information not about that person, but information more about you.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

You'd be catching feelings all day long and chasing that, you know, every single day. Because I know y'all sexy out there. You know y'all sexy out there. No, y'all sexy out there, but yeah, focusing on what those moments might be teaching us, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

So the hot guy, Michelle, is not necessarily the point.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

The what? The hot guy?

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah. Well, I mean, it could be.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

It could be the point. But you know. But it's not necessarily the point. Yeah. He's kind of the messenger of your uh of your point.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Especially if you're if you are in a relationship. That's really where, you know, it's a little different if you don't have a significant other, if you're not married, if you're not in a partnership, and and you're flying solo, you know, those lustful moments are gonna look different to a certain degree. But um, again,

Lust As Data About You

SPEAKER_01 16:32

I still think there's opportunity to discover things about yourself through times like that.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

So if you're single, you can act in midlife. What she's saying is especially in midlife. If you're single, you can act upon it. But if you're not, then you just have to fantasize about it. That's what she's saying.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Well, I mean, either way feels good.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Yeah. So what is your attraction telling you? Your attraction's telling you that, gosh, is there a part of me that's asleep, right? Snoring. Snoring, taking sleeping pills, whatever. And what are you craving more of in your life? Because if there's something missing, and this probably resonates with women in relationships at this point more than others, because there's something missing in your life, then this is gonna actually break that wide open if you're running into someone who's providing that interest or that attention or things that you're severely lacking at home, or that you know, your person's taking it, taking you for granted, you know? Yeah, that's definitely an option. So you really you really need to look at it and like more like what am I learning from this?

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

You know, instead instead of acting upon it. Well, unless you want to.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Exactly, instead of acting upon it. And just know that if that is happening, it doesn't mean you're broken.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

No.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Right? Or confused. It doesn't automatically mean a relationship is over or your marriage is over, um, or that you're not normal if there's not a significant other, right? Um, and it doesn't mean you need to go buy a sports car and get a divorce and you know, g get after that 28-year-old pool boy or personal trainer. It doesn't have to be any of that.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

It doesn't have to be a midlife crisis, is what she's saying. It's like but the people around you might think that that's what's going on, you know. So that's something you have to be prepared for.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Well, and just pay pay if if you act on it in that way, uh be intentional and pay attention to the awakening that we always refer to. Not the crisis part, but the awakening. Because that's exactly where we are in midlife. We have the ability to um, you know, uh uh choose the way we want to and be okay with it. Uh blow the dust off the things that have been, you know, hidden inside, the feelings that have hidden been been hidden inside, the ideas and dreams maybe about things that have been, you know, dusty for a while.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

In other words, don't ignore them. Don't ignore them. Yeah, you know. That's important. Yeah. That's very important. And um, I guess you're never too old to feel those things. You know, I think we're actually at a place in our lives where we have the ability to feel them differently because we don't have all of this other clutter, you know, or we're trying to be in a position where we don't have all this other clutter going on in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Well, because our kids are getting older. If you've got kids, they're older, they're leaving the house, you know, midlife is that time. And uh, you know, you you can pay attention to how you want to navigate something like this a little bit more than when you're in the throes of, you know, younger children and things that go, you know, you're working and all the stuff, and you got sports and practice to like Julie said earlier, pizza on Tuesday night, and then it's Tuesday again, you know. So we we have more freedom to act accordingly to how we're feeling in midlife.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Right. So well, we're hoping that just bringing this up and talking about this and basically saying it out loud makes you realize that you're not alone in those feelings. If you're having them, there's nothing to feel guilty about. Yeah. We've gone from having a a crush on the barista to having an affair all in about 15 minutes, you know. The pool boy. The pool boy, yeah. But uh it it's really different for everybody. And I think what we're what what I'm kind of seeing, and maybe this is because it's coming from my own experience, is that if you're in your 40s, you're in your late 30s, you're in your 40s, you're in the throes of the shit, usually at that point. You know, you've got young kids, you're running from one place to the other, you're not spending the time on yourself. All the things we've been talking about and we chat about quite often on our podcast. Um, and so this is one of those things that can break open a little crack in the foundation. Uh, or it can also fill the crack in the foundation if you play your cards in the correct way, you know, with the person that you if you desire truly to be with that person still.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

And remember, ladies, never apologize for wanting more.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Hell no. Do

Midlife Freedom And No Shame

SPEAKER_00 21:01

not. Hell no.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

There's that.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Yeah. So in the meantime, you know, a lot of the things we're talking about here are directly related to our coaching program and the confidence that you have and the ability you have to uh dig deep, you know, and really ask yourself the quest the tough questions. We want to make sure everybody knows that this is stuff that we actually dig deep on and talk with uh our clients about. And we want to help you get to the point where you understand where these things are coming from and that you are acting upon them accordingly, you know, or that you are putting them in the right place for yourself. And it's really just important for us all to know that we are we're just human, you guys. We're we're trying to navigate the shit just like everybody else, right? And nobody has a playbook that we're the playbook, kind of, I think, because we've done a lot of these things, but um, we'd love to be able to have an opportunity to chat with you about them one-on-one.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Go check us out on the socials if if you're just stumbling across this podcast for the first time. Uh, we're we're out there on all the socials, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram.

Coaching Program Details And Where To Apply

SPEAKER_01 22:03

We are on YouTube. So um, so uh subscribe if you go see us over there. But the coaching program, the coaching program that Julie is talking about, um, yeah, we we uh we help mentor one-on-one clients, we tailor it specifically to what you're looking for in midlife and and help you through whatever it is that you are wanting to build confidence on. So um the link for that is uh in our bios on all the socials. The link is also in the show notes wherever it is you're listening to our podcast. So check it out. And uh if you see us on the socials, comment spicy and we'll send you more information. So um, anyways, enough about that. Okay,

Awakening Not Crisis Closing

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Michelle.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Uh so do you think this is all related to a midlife crisis or no? Uh it sure. It's not a crisis, ladies. It's an awakening. It's an awakening, exactly. No crisis allowed. Awakening. So in the meantime, thanks for joining us and uh stay spicy. And if you're not spicy, become spicy. We'll show you next week.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Bye.