61. The Truth About Emotional Affairs: Why Women Cheat in Midlife

Are you feeling invisible in your marriage? 
In this video, we uncover the truth about  emotional affairs  and why women often seek validation outside of their midlife relationships.

Understanding the psychology behind midlife infidelity  isn't just about cheating; it’s about the deeper, unmet need to be seen and valued. Join us as we explore the hidden signs of emotional affairs , the impact of midlife identity shifts, and how couples can bridge the gap before it's too late.

If you're looking for honest insights on midlife marriage struggles, communication, and reconnecting with your partner, this episode is for you.

 What You'll Learn:
✔️ Why feeling "unseen" by your partner is one of the biggest triggers for infidelity in midlife
✔️ How emotional neglect and resentment quietly build up over years of marriage
✔️ Why midlife identity shifts can push women to seek validation outside their relationship
✔️ How emotional affairs start often with zero physical contact and why they can be more damaging than a physical affair
✔️ The role social media and phones play in modern infidelity
✔️ Questions every couple should ask before an emotional connection crosses the line

⏱️ Timestamps:
00:00 – Introduction: A tough but honest topic
02:00 – Disclaimer: Understanding vs. justifying betrayal
03:45 – Reason #1: Feeling invisible in the relationship
07:00 – The phone problem: Distraction and disconnection
09:30 – Emotional check-out: When resentment builds
10:41 – Reason #2: Trying to find yourself again in midlife
13:00 – Midlife identity shifts vs. midlife crisis
17:04 – A personal story: When emotional connection crosses a line
17:58 – Reason #3: How emotional affairs sneak up on you
19:02 – Emotional vs. physical boundaries what really hurts most
21:11 – Social media, DMs & old flames: The new temptation
24:18 – Rapid fire questions: Disconnection, intimacy & marriage
26:20 – Final thoughts: Talk to your person first

#emotionalaffairs #midlifeinfidelity #marriageadvice #relationshipstruggles #whywomencheat
#SpicyMidlifeWomen #WomenOver40 #SpicySisterhood
#MidlifePodcast

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Transcript

Why Midlife Cheating Comes Up

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Why women cheat in midlife?

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Wait and say that again.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Why women cheat in midlife? All right, are you all uncomfortable now? I got a spoiler alert for you guys. It's rarely because Pool Boy smiles at you and winks.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

What's involved with an emotional affair? Um, the heart crosses the line before anything physical happens. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

I didn't do anything at physical. I didn't sleep with a guy or anything like that. But the emotional connection that I had with that person and the conversations that I was having with that person that I didn't know, and I don't know to this day, I really need to look at this stuff a lot differently.

Coaching Offer For Spicy Confidence

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Hey, all you midlife women out there, are you ready to step into spicy confidence? If the answer is yes, then we have some exciting news to share.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

We are launching a one-on-one coaching program for midlife women who want to start showing up as the most confident version of themselves and who aren't afraid to go after what they really want.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

This coaching program will help you discover your voice, embrace your desires, and develop your inner confidence so that you can truly live the authentic life you want without holding back.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

There are only three spots available, ladies, so head to the link in the show notes and apply now. Now let's get into the episode. Okay,

Cheating As A Symptom

SPEAKER_01 1:12

today we have an episode that we are putting out that I think might make a few people a tiny bit uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Well, good. They say that being uncomfortable is good for the growth, right? Yeah, it's good. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Well, we're talking about today why women cheat in midlife. Wait and say that again. Why women cheat in midlife. All right, are you all uncomfortable now? Yeah. I mean, I guess a lot of these things can probably apply to men, but being that we're women, you know, we kind of have been able to identify these things for women maybe a little bit better. But um, I would say there's probably some commonalities with men. But I got a spoiler alert for you guys. It's rarely because Michelle's pool boy smiles at you and winks.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Although that probably doesn't for the cheating is rarely about that, right? Because I don't think that uh, you know, most women wake up in the morning thinking, I think I'm gonna blow my life up today and just like ruin it all. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Very rarely. Yeah. Unless they're just throwing caution to the wind and going, fuck it, I'm tired of this. I'm just gonna go blow my life up. There's too many things probably that go along with that. But there's almost always a story underneath what's happening. You know, the the affair or whether it's an emotional affair or whether it is a physical affair or something is a symptom, in my opinion, of a much bigger problem, usually within that marriage. And so we're gonna just talk about three different ideas that we have um as to why these things can happen. And we're gonna have our audience kind of give us an idea um if we're on the right track, because many of them probably have experienced some of these things too.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

And just know to Julie's point, we're we're gonna be speaking about women. This is men and women, yeah. But because we're women, we're speaking on that front. And didn't say that as we're talking about this. I said as Julie said, um, but I I just too want to say that as we're talking about it, it's not because we we approve of it. Yeah, it's all about understanding and trying to understand what is, you know, part of the story or the reasons behind it.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Yeah, because these are the things that nobody really talks about. And I think we can acknowledge that cheating in any capacity is a betrayal. And it hurts. It hurts. It trust me, it hurts, you know. And so just getting to the bottom of some of these things might help you understand your own behavior. And, you know, you might be able to take some of this information and really think about it and see how it applies to you.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Can I give the disclaimer?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Please.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Michelle's our disclaimer girl. There's a disclaimer. Um, because again, like I said, we're not here to justify betrayal or say that it's okay. Um, but we're here to just have an honest conversation about what leads some women down this path because the understanding is something I think that is not the same as the approval of it.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

So absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I in my opinion, we acknowledge And this is a tough subject to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Anytime you think about betrayal, you know, and when you're talking about romantic relationships in any way, whether it's a, you know, we can say hetero relationship or whether it's a non-hetero relationship, I don't think it really matters. I mean, betrayal is betrayal, right?

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yeah, I think I need a drink before we get started. Oh dear.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah. Michelle's on the whisky.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Okay. I kind of learned this week, it's like I had wine twice this week. I had two different glasses of wine. I could not keep my eyes open. I'm at that place now where it's like, if I want if I really want a good night's sleep, I'll have a glass of wine.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Well, even wine at our age in midlife here.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

It's like I am. Michelle is, but she also gets up at, you know, 4 30 in the morning or whatever for work. But okay, let's talk about the first thing that we want to bring up.

Feeling Unseen And Resentment

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Um, what do you think the first reason is that is important to note about why women cheat?

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Um, well, she doesn't feel seen. Okay. And we've we've actually had an episode recently about that. Um, because when a a woman doesn't feel seen anymore, I think that's a very big theme in midlife for women. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Um, and that's because we've have spent, like we talk about so many decades being mom, wife, employee, you know, therapist, counselor, household manager, all of those things. And somewhere along the line, inevitably, we stop feeling like a woman.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Yeah. You stop feeling like a woman because maybe there's not the same type of intensity around desire. Things are not uh factor. It my God, in midlife, I think it's really huge. And I don't know that people really realize that to the degree that women do that are in midlife. But it's like in the workplace, you see you're seeing it, you know, people that are, you know, hitting 50 and you know, they're making more money, so they are let go before someone else. I mean, there's just all kinds of things that are happening. So um, I do agree that that is one of them. The whole invisibility in midlife. And when you're in a relationship with someone, things can, if you're not careful, get to be really routine. And so that is part of the routine. And it's not always about sex. No, God no. I well, I mean, it can be.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I mean, it can be. But but it can just be sometimes as simple as somebody asking how your day was. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

You know? So it's that whole kind of being starved. Well, maybe starved is kind of a I don't know, dramatic. Dramatic word, but not really. I mean, if you've if you're in a situation where you're not getting any kind of attention from your partner, good, bad, or indifferent. You're just kind of, you know, going with the flow for the day. You're going through the routine, people are having dinner, paying the bills, doing whatever, but they're forgetting the whole reason why they were there to begin with. Yeah. I mean, it's like there is a lack of attention. And it's probably going both ways, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

That's what I mean. It it goes both ways. I I'm sure we'll bring that point up more than a few times throughout this conversation. But um creates resentment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

You know, and I think women, I don't know about men really. I mean, we guess we'll have to ask, right? Yeah. But it's like we with resentment comes a lot of other things that you build walls, you put things around you to protect yourself, and justify perhaps some of the behavior that you're um starting to see come out of you. Maybe the flirting at the office or the um interaction with people that you wouldn't necessarily tell your significant other about. You know, those are all signs of something perhaps that uh is there's something I missed at home.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Well, and I guess I I bring to the forefront when that invisibility, that invisible feeling can come from, you know, I was saying it can be something as simple as asking how your day was, uh, or somebody, you know, really looking at you, heartfelt asking that type of question, maybe looking at you like you are attractive as opposed to just wondering where the toilet paper is. Right. Yeah. Where's the toothpaste? Did you get toothpaste? You know, those monotony, those very monotonous uh everyday things that kind of take the place of you know, the emotional stuff that we're really needing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Um, you know, you mentioned about someone just asking about your day. I think there's the asking about your day, and then there's the genuine, I really want to know. You know, or is it just like they asked about your day, but they're on their phone scrolling at the same time, does not have the same significance, you know, because uh I think, I mean, we could get into the whole scrolling thing, that's a whole nother thing, but um just using the phone as an example, it's like it really is uh a big part of deterioration, I believe. And and I'm and I'm all for the phone, trust me. I'm all for the scrolling and the phone and the things like that. But what I've come to learn is that uh you put it down and you need to pay attention to the people that are in front of you because the people that are on the phone, you don't even know half of the that literally, I mean, when you say you're not feeling seen, yeah, I mean, bring that phone into the equation.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

It is so true. Yeah. It is so true. And if you just let it be that, if you're just sitting there and your partner is just like on continual scroll mo scroll mode, you're not gonna be. It's like machine scroll mode.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Scroll mode.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Uh truly that can be that that can hurt.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

It's that preoccupation, you know, like there's a a preoccupation with something else or you're distracted. Yeah. That's the thing that I remember noticing the most was this level of distraction. And it wasn't about something like a phone or anything like that. It was just stress or something um uh happening maybe at work or things that were occupying your attention. And so you weren't paying attention, you weren't in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

And i I I mean, this is life. I mean, and those things are gonna come into play. Yeah. So it's not gonna be perfect, but it it's the intentional acknowledgement of knowing that and and how you can handle it and navigate that differently.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

So, anyways, and it can be a tit for tat as well too, because yeah, you know, they're not paying attention, and so you're it's almost like you're justifying, well, I'm not gonna pay attention then, you know, it becomes something where you're not talking about things and it be and it can be really talkable.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Well, in a in a way, and and like we were talking about, you know, when you're feeling emotionally ignored and feeling taken for granted of living like roommates, whatever it is, um, you know, taken for granted for what you do and not who you are. Right. That's where I think to Julie's point, sometimes the affair, if there is one, uh starts long before even another person enters into the picture. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

I think women, as a general rule, emotionally check out. We check out of things. When sometimes it's at least I I mean, I could speak from my own experience. It's like when you check out, it's like when you start hearing things like, I don't really care, do whatever you want, or you know, whatever, things like that. You know that that person is just kind of like done trying. Yeah. Or maybe they never tried to begin with, who knows? But it's like they're not putting in the effort and uh someone else is giving them the attention, they're not having to seek it out. And so those things I think will directly affect um someone's decision to uh step outside of their marriage. Yeah, you know. And you go back to, I mean, we could talk about monogamy and all that stuff. We've talked about that on other episodes and stuff too, but it's like we are human beings making this commitment to each other when we're 20 years old or 30 years old, and now you're 60 years old, and you're like, what the hell? Who is this person? You know, and you're finding reasons not to connect with them because you've outgrown each other or you haven't made the effort to be in in uh communication. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Well, and that brings us to reason the second reason that we're gonna talk

Trying To Find Yourself Again

SPEAKER_00 11:56

about. Yeah. Um, finding trying to find yourself again. Hello, all spicy midlife women. Trying to find yourself again. Trying to find yourself again, yeah. It's so true though. Because midlife creates those identity shifts. Yeah. All of the things that we talk about out here all the time. So do you call that, would you call that a midlife crisis though? I I think that it can be if you're not prepared for it. Yeah. And who's prepared for it?

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Well, and why would I guess the whole question is, why would it be a crisis? You know, is it a crisis because you've completely ignored the things that are m building up, you know, and have the momentum to get you to this place where you're like, who the hell am I?

SPEAKER_00 12:32

That's what I mean, those identity shifts. Yeah. And if you're not and we're we're really not ready for them, I love out there that it's now being labeled as, and as we are big proponents of a midlife awakening, it's the awakening because there's so many really great things that go along with all the things that seem like a crisis. Right. Right?

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Sometimes the crisis is the relationship. Yeah. You know, I mean, way to bring it back, Jules. Way to bring it back. I know sometimes that that is the crisis. You've lived in a uh a non-loving relationship. You lived in a uh relationship with someone who used to maybe be a romantic partner, but now is like your roommate. Um, you know, you're you get along, but you're more like friends, you know, and so the the same level of um effort to maintain that connection isn't necessarily there, or you're feeling that connection somewhere else. And so that's where you have to kind of establish it's like with this other connection, would my significant other be cool with it? Because that's the I think that would be the gauge that you would have. It's like if your significant other is not comfortable with you texting some guy back and forth from work or and it's not work-related stuff or whatever, uh, then it's probably not the best thing to be doing.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Well, if you even have to ask yourself the question. Right. It's kind of like wearing that that questionable outfit. If you're standing in the mirror going, uh, is this okay or am I pushing the envelope? Probably shouldn't wear it.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

No. Yeah. But don't go back to your yeah. Michelle does that all the time. She pushes the envelope and it works for her. I do. Yeah, and I do push the envelope. God God help that woman. She has the coolest outfits, but that's totally beside the point. Um so yeah, women waking up and seeing other men seeing a a woman as she used to be seen by the person she's married to.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Well, and because they don't know all these things about you, so it feels exciting. It's re it's like this reminder that you're still alive. You still have it that it factor.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

They haven't seen you at your absolute worst. They haven't seen you with your hair all messed up and, you know, bad breath, and you forgot to take your makeup off, or or you're farting in your shorts, or what I don't know. I'm just thinking of things that could happen. All the things that happen when you when you probably are living with somebody, you know, they see everything. You know, maybe there's some good boundaries around bathroom time. I don't know, but there there are things that your partner sees, you get become very comfortable with that person. And I mean, I know back in like way back in the day, like maybe I don't know, the 50s or 60s, women would literally get up and put their makeup on and go back to bed and pretend and it's like they're I knew somebody that never took her makeup on. Crazy. And like the husband never saw her not well put together.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

This, yeah. And this was only like, you know, 25 years ago. Can you imagine? It was like somebody a little bit older than me, but back in the day, right? She never took her makeup off until her husband was yeah, he never saw her without her makeup.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

And can you even stand it? But that makes me sad. It's like, it's like there's this whole, there's this whole part of you that they don't even know. And then they see it by accident and they're like, holy shit, who is this person? You know, is that the person I married? Yes, the person I married that's been putting on a veil the whole time because they don't know that you'll accept them the way that they truly, truly are, you know. So anyway, just a thought. But midlife women are um definitely in a position in most cases where they are trying to find themselves. They are, you know, whether you've had families, we've talked about this many times, obviously, but you have families, you have careers, you have so many responsibilities, and uh you kind of lose yourself, or you could potentially lose yourself.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Well, and in another relationship, it's like feeling just like we were just talking about. And but even so, it's not, I don't think it's always about wanting another man. Right. It's kind of can be about the version of yourself that you become when you are around someone else, right? It's not about I mean it is not about sense, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah, that I yeah, refilled the toilet paper. It's more around, you know, you're you have beautiful eyes or whatever he's trying to see.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

You feel desired again. It seems adventurous, right? Exciting. There's validation, I'm sure, that comes from it.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

But that's stuff that happens like in the beginning of relationships too. Like when people probably the same thing that happened when you met your husband.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

It's also uh I mean, I think important to point out though, this is one of the reasons we talk so much about having confidence in midlife. Yeah. Because you I I mean, really the validation, if you're when you when you have a sense of self, when you have that confidence, um, validation doesn't need to come from outside. But um, you know, unfortunately, yeah, we we tend to allow that in for whatever the circumstances might be. Um, and it can it can be a slippery slope.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

But I don't think there's anything wrong with acknowledgement or um validation from your person. If they're if you're like say you're dressed up to go for an event or something and you look at and you go, oh my god, you are smoking hot. Let's, you know, let's let's be late, you know, or or it's like, you know, they're they're acknowledging the fact that you made the effort and you're wearing a pretty dress, or that you put on the makeup, or you got a new pair of shoes, or whatever. They pay attention, you know, they notice these things. That goes so far, you know, that goes way further than um the things that don't have any significance to you.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Well, it it kind of reminds me um about that story you told on a recent episode. It has nothing to do with any kind of sex, like I was saying in the beginning. Um, that person you met when you were on that girl's trip. Oh, yeah. And it was just conversation and talking about things and realizing uh uh a lot of stuff about yourself, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:25

So it's it's not it it and it was having a conversation this I'm I'm telling you already, this was not appropriate. I'm not condoning what I what happened or what I did. I didn't do anything at physical, I didn't sleep with a guy or anything like that. But the emotional connection that I had with that person and the conversations that I was having with that person that I didn't know and I don't know to this day, it had nothing to do necessarily with him, but it had to do with the fact that I was actually having those types of conversations with someone that I wasn't having with your husband. Yeah. And so it made me realize that I was like, wow, I really need to look at this stuff a lot differently because there's something missing. I there's something clearly that I wasn't getting. I love this.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Just perfect segue into reason number three that we're gonna talk about. Give it to me. Give

Emotional Affairs And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 19:11

it to me. The emotional affairs, yeah, and how they can sneak up. Yeah. Just like just like that. It's not anything, it's not, you know, but emotional affairs can start out like that, and then they go deeper. You're starting to lean, um, you know, like because you have somebody to talk to. So now we're texting, we're getting advice from, we're sharing the struggles that we're going through, right? Lunches, maybe you have inside jokes then, uh, connection. You're starting to make the connections with this person, and all of that's gonna feel real good if things are all broken, really shitty at all.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

On the whole surface, there's probably some like like chemistry tension, sexual tension or something underneath there. Yeah. There has to be, at least not in the beginning, but if you're starting to develop eventually, yeah. But again, it goes back to would your partner be cool with this type of interaction that you're having with this person? Or is this something that is uh breaking a boundary, you know, breaking a boundary that you've had or a commitment that you've had. And I I would argue that um men seem to be more concerned about physical boundary breaks, you know, like did you sleep with that person? Whereas women seem to be more concerned about emotional boundary breaks, you know, because emotional boundaries are a little squishier, but it's like if someone's taking your the emotional attention of your partner or your emotional attention away from your partner, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

It it is. I'm just listening to you say that and I'm like, oh, hell no, I would hate that. Yeah. If if that was happening, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Yeah. So I I well, especially if you don't even know what the intentions of the other person are. Yeah. You know, and then you have to think about that other person. What kind of a person is going to be uh giving you negative advice or you know, put you in a situation where you feel like you can talk about these things and it might not be positive, you know? Maybe gearing you toward there might be ulterior motives, I guess is all I'm saying. You know? Yeah. So you just have to really think those things through. And um, you know, the best person to talk to is the person that you are married to, that you're in love with, that you're, you know, spending this life with.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Even though it's probably gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done. Well, and I I mean, really. It's not to say that your person wants to talk. That's what I mean. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

So that's a whole nother issue.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

But at least what if they don't think there's a problem? You know what? At least I I I mean, this is easy for me to say because I've actually never been in this situation. Um, but at least you've done your part. Yeah. I would have to say that it would feel good to know that at least you've done what needed to be done and you tried.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Right. Truly.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

So again, going back to what uh makes people, women in particular, consider, you know, cheating, these are just three things we're talking about here. But there are plenty more. Pethra. There are a plethora, I'm sure, of things. And vice versa. Women are not women are not angels, you know? It's like we we do inappropriate things just as much as guys do. Guys cannot possibly always get it.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

We're talking from a women's perspective. But we know, we know it goes both ways. So growth being uncomfortable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

This is part of what it is. So what about social media?

Social Media Temptation And Phone Privacy

SPEAKER_01 22:25

God.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

It's like that's a whole nother thing. Cause so, you know, old boyfriends reconnecting, maybe somebody from back in the day, coworkers, friends, messages, DMs. Yeah. I mean, we get inappropriate DMs like frequently. All the time. Yeah. On the social.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

And Michelle's in a relationship. So that would be, I mean, if she was yeah, if she was theoretic she's not, but if she was theoretically responding and having some kind of interaction with one of these dudes that's reaching out, that would be a little weird. Yeah. You know, it would be a it would be a betrayal, I think, probably, of her relationship, but I can do it. No problem. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm totally kidding. I I don't do it. But anyway, um back on to another topic.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

I mean, but that does. That's that's a huge factor now. Yeah. That didn't used to be.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

Well, and you think about people having their phones, right? They have we talked about phones earlier. And it's like you've got your passcode on your phone and you don't want your uh you it's private, right? So if you feel like you can't, your partner can't get into your phone, not that they would necessarily, like I would not be, let me see your phone. I'm not that person. If I feel like I've got to do that, then there's something hugely wrong, right? But I would say, here's my passcodes, here's my stuff. If you ever want to look at my stuff, you're more than welcome to. The fact that they would do it, though, would mean to me that maybe either they're insecure about something or there's some lack of trust with something, and it probably warrants more of a conversation. Uh, but I don't think those things should be kept private, especially when you've got situations where anyone can drop into your DMs and anyone can pose things to you and create a temptation for you.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

Isn't that crazy to think about? Like you don't even have to exchange phone numbers anymore. No. That's that's so crazy. Just as you're I'm listening to you right now, it's it's kind of like wow, because that that would be very that could be, I could see that being very addictive for somebody to not have to worry about the phone number or have somebody else have it, you know, but could yeah, totally sit there and you know how easy easy it is to sit there and message right, right? Back and forth or say whatever you want and somebody like you don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

And then like snap people use Snapchat all the time, those things disappear. I can't I don't use Snapchat. Me neither. But it's but anyway, my my point is with uh the phone and communication and the ability to have anyone literally from anywhere in this world communicate with you, there has to be a tremendous level of trust between two people who have made that commitment.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

If they're if they're in that together, then that stuff should be pretty transparent. And if it's not, then you know they have different interpretations of what's okay and what's not okay. And that could be a problem.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

I think with emotional affairs, um, just one more thing on that. Um, the heart typically, which is what's involved with an emotional affair, um, the heart crosses the line before anything physical happens, right? That's where that it's a good way of explaining that. So yeah. Anyway, most definitely.

Rapid Fire Relationship Reality Checks

SPEAKER_01 25:31

I want to give you a couple questions. I want to see how you answer them.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Okay. Is this is this your rapid fire thing again? I love that. I suck at this. I know, but no, you don't. I do.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

She always has to go. Well, it just depends.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

But you want to the first thing that comes on her mind. Is that what it's gonna be? First thing. So it's okay. I think women, okay, here it is. Even if it doesn't make sense, it makes sense. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

I think women feel most disconnected when they're not in touch with themselves. Okay. I think that's a good I think that's a very valid answer.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Yeah. You've a little pressure there when it's like, okay, yeah, I can't be thoughtful about it. Okay. Okay, I got one for you. Okay. Uh the sexiest thing your partner can say to you is Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Yeah. I'm not joking, but I am joking. I think more like I understand. Um, you know, I just acknowledging and understanding if you and a lot of you a lot of things are you can say them, but it's really more how you do them, I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Yeah. So yeah, that yes, and well, and that that uh brings me to intimacy. That would be more very intimate. And yeah, that is sexy. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Good one. Okay. If your relationship, Michelle, feels like you are roommates, ellipses.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Uh, go to the sex toy store or buy new lingerie. Try different positions, shave your cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

Okay, those are all good answers. See, look at her. She's got all kinds of thoughts. There we go. Um, okay, is there one more?

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Oh, let's see. Um, before you look outside your marriage, ellipses.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Talk to your person. Perfect. About what's bothering you. It's so easier said than done. But yeah, I know. Easy say, hard do.

Shame And How To Reach Us

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Yeah. So in closing, um, you know, we want to make sure we're not we're not blaming women. We're not mansplaining. Oh no, women splating. Yeah. We're not any, we're not splaining at all. Here's our disclaimer. Yeah. I but it's like it's just important to talk about this kind of stuff. Yeah. And I these are like super tabbing topics.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

They are. Um, because it's all stuff we think about, though.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

It's shame. It's all based on shame and uh, you know, the things that kind of surround that when you don't want people to know what's on your mind. And the only person that really matters is the person that is your person. So who cares what everybody else thinks, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

So very true. So with that in mind, Michelle. I mean, if there's more that piques your interest about a spicy midlife women, you should go check us out on the socials because we are on every one of them Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube. If you uh take a visit over there, please follow and subscribe. We would love that. And uh we also right now have a one-on-one coaching program. Uh, you probably heard a little bit about it at the start of the podcast, but it's uh something that is an interbase, internet-based uh one-on-one coaching um for you to be able to step into spicy confidence and tailored to you, because not everyone is the same. So, whatever the need is, we tailor that uh program for you and we love doing it.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

A lot of fun. And here's the thing it's like we all have levels of confidence in different parts of our life. And then there's areas where we're just not as sure. And so this isn't about someone saying, I have no confidence whatsoever. It's like sometimes people just need a different perspective. Yeah, and um, you know, you want to be the best version of yourself. Sometimes it's great to get another perspective on things and have someone else hold you accountable.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

So the link uh for that is in the show notes here and also in the bios on all the socials. So with that, until next week, peace out and stay spicy. That's right, ladies. Bye. Take care. Bye.