63. Feeling Invisible? Why Midlife Women Must Stop Minimizing

#FeelingInvisible #WomenSelfGrowth #ConfidenceOver4 #RealTalk

Do you ever feel like your feelings and desires are being overlooked in midlife? You’re not alone! In this podcast episode, Julee and Michele talk openly about how we women often minimize our emotions by saying "I don't care"whether it's about compliments, social exclusion, or the importance of physical attraction.

What you will learn in this episode:

Recognizing the "I'm fine" facade: Understand why we hide our feelings and how it impacts our confidence.Navigating social dynamics: How to handle midlife "mean girl" behavior and social exclusion.The truth about looks: What's the connection between physical attraction and self-confidence?Embracing personal desires: Learn to accept your small desires and express them without apology.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction to Minimizing Feelings00:41 - The "Compliments Don't Matter" Lie02:03 - The "I'm Fine" Deception03:50 - Midlife "Mean Girl" Dynamics10:20 - The Truth About Looks and Attraction15:50 - The "Little Things" That Matter26:10 - Conclusion - Embrace What Matters"

Share your thoughts in the comments do you ever feel "invisible"? 🌶️

#SpicyMidlifeWomen #womenover40 #SpicySisterhood#MidlifePodcast #MidlifeWomen #FeelingInvisible #WomenSelfGrowth #SpicyMidlifeWomen #ConfidenceOver40 #RealTalk

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?! 

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and DM the word "spicy" to get more info about the online 1:1 coaching program called Step into Spicy Confidence - 

See the links below👇 

Step Into Spicy Confidence 1:1 Coaching Application/Waitlist Form

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Transcript

Midlife Is Not Time To Shrink

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Midlife is not a time to shrink yourself.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Having the confidence is not about pretending. What the hell is going on here? But there were some things that were said that apparently uh were taken in the wrong way by one of the people in the chat group.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

If they're just little things that make you feel wanted and loved and attractive, it has nothing to do whether you're confident or not confident.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

I know a lot of women who will say, I don't give a shit. I'll just put my hair in a ponytail and I didn't shave my legs and blah, blah, blah, blah, and it's like, and they're married.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Stop pretending it's okay to care about things before we dive in. If you're a woman in midlife who's tired of the cliches and ready to live out loud, we're glad you're here.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Because you are definitely in the right place. We're not here to age gracefully, we're here to age boldly. So if you love real talk, big laughs, and the occasional spicy truth bomb, make sure to follow us on TikTok at Spicy Midlife Women for even more unfiltered midlife. Spicy ladies out there. Welcome back to another episode of Spicy Midlife Women with Jules and Michelle from Seattle, Washington, the Emerald City, the 206, all the things, as Michelle

The Things We Claim Don’t Matter

SPEAKER_01 1:13

likes to say. Hey, today we are going to be calling ourselves out a little bit. And in the process, probably calling you out a little bit too.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

What do you think? Watch out. Watch out, Michelle. Because there are so many things we tell ourselves and everyone else that don't matter, but in reality, we feel like they do.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

They absolutely 100% do. But sometimes we try to be too agreeable, or we just say they don't matter because we don't want a bunch of fuss. But we're gonna talk about some of these things a little bit so you guys will like know what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Things like I don't care what people think. Bullshit. Like we tell ourselves that, or looks don't matter. Yeah. That's whole bullshit. Or birthdays are just another day, then it's just a number. Does that matter? I'm not gonna disagree completely. Or I don't need compliments. No. I but see that's what I'm saying is we tell ourselves, yeah, it's okay, it doesn't matter, but it it really does. It does. It does matter.

Compliments And Learning To Receive

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Sure. Compliments don't matter.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

But when you get a compliment, like a really genuine compliment, and when I've always learned it's like when you're complimenting someone, you can compliment like their dress or whatever. But really a genuine compliment is kind of like that color is so pretty on you. You know, or I love that hairstyle on you, or whatever, you know, just things that are more personal to that person. But I think how you handle the compliment is uh a whole nother thing because a lot of people just say, Oh, don't don't be silly today or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yeah, or really this yeah, we why do we do that? We we we minimize yeah, we sure do.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Uh because we don't want to seem, you know, like egotistical, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah, that's true. And I do call people out for that. Being egotistical no when you give a compliment.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

And and they're like, start immediately telling me why they don't like it or why they're surprised, or whatever. A million reasons why I I say that. I'm like, how about just say thank you? Yeah. Because it gets a little awkward and uncomfortable sometimes. Yeah. So anyway, that's just one. So in this episode, we're going to probably laugh at our own selves, expose some of our own lies, uh, maybe even give permission as to why we're pretending or to stop pretending. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

So if anybody says, I'm fine, I'm totally fine, really, they probably aren't with something.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

At least I can say that, you know, I've said I'm totally fine to get someone off my back and have them stop asking me when I'm really not fine. Yeah. But Michelle says I'm fine all the time. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's the way she says it. I'm fine. Then you know I'm not. Yeah, that's when I know when she's when she's not.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

So if you ever do this, ladies, then this episode is definitely for you because today we're going to talk about things we pretend don't matter, but they totally do.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah. So can we just stop pretending we're all enlightened women out there that don't give a shit about anything else or what anybody says? And I mean, we talk about this kind of stuff a lot because part of being confident is not really caring about some of those things. But in reality, we're human and of course we care.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

You know, I mean, it would be stupid and really not a not a real truthful thing to say that we don't. There are some things truly that we don't care about, I would say.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Well, I think it's it's not about needing everybody's approval. It's about wanting to feel included. Yeah. Right. Okay. And wanted and chosen. And, you know, I think those are some of the things that never stop mattering. Right. No matter how confident you are. Uh and it's not to say you're not confident. It's just those are things that that do matter. And a confident woman will handle those types of things differently. Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Well, there's a couple of different ways. I'm going

Mean Girl Chats In Midlife

SPEAKER_01 4:49

to give you an example. This is a great, this is probably one of the best examples that we are in midlife, and I could not believe women were acting like they were in freaking high school. But I'm going to give you this example. So wait. Yeah. So and and and how this kind of impacted, right? So we uh we have a tight-knit group from high school, you know, or uh the class in in general is kind of tight. And there's a lot of women that all were we all were getting together. We were all kind of hanging out together, and there was some power struggles that you could see happening in these uh chat groups that were on Instagram, Facebook, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Was it men and women?

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Nope. This is just women. But I'm seriously going, okay, you guys, we are like, I'm thinking to myself, we're in midlife, for God's sake. What the hell is going on here? But there were some things that were said that apparently were taken in the wrong way by one of the people in the chat group. And so the next thing you know, the chat's silent. And so Mary and I were not in the chat anymore, or we didn't know that. But the next thing you know, there's another chat apparently that had been put together by this one person. And Mary and I were not included in that chat because they didn't like what Mary had said, apparently. I'm just like, can you so were my feelings hurt? Were my feelings hurt? I could truly say my feelings were not hurt. This is a perfect example. Yeah, this is a great example. Was I just kind of going, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

I was absolutely doing that. And it's like to this day, to this day, and this is a few years ago, so you know, midlife. It wasn't like we were in high school, right? It's like Mary's still stung, man. She's pissed. She's still kind of like, What the fuck? Not that she's her feelings are hurt, it's just more she is so incredulous about the fact that this actually is happening. There's Julie's big word today, incredulous. She is in massive disbelief. And I am too, frankly. And it's so passive aggressive.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

So, a question, yeah, then about this. This is really interesting to me, actually. So, was or I don't even know how to ask the question.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Is the group still We all see we all see each other at different events? I I think you know, that kind of thing. Did anybody ask any questions? Who found out the dirt? Who found out the why? Well, someone okay, so they're and who followed up. That's the interesting part because there's a couple of people that are in that chat group that circled back to Mary and had said, Man, I'm so sorry. This is sounding weird, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? They went along with everything.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

And that's what that more to me. I was scratching my head going, have a fucking voice, lady. You know, I'm like, have a backbone. Yeah. You know, just say, This is childish games, you know, why are my but they just kind of went along with it. And it really kind of is maybe shades of how it was when we were in high school, right? To some degree. Right. You know, obviously we have more um, you know, opinions now and more experiences and things like that. But I'm just going, dude, I wasn't even that good of friends with you in high school. I don't give a shit now. Yeah. But at the same time, it's like, why would people do that? So, anyway, does it bother me? I I'm not, my feelings aren't hurt, I'll get back to that. But does it bother me? Yes. Yeah. It bothers me because it's kind of like, why are we playing games like that at this stage in our life? That's how it felt to me. Yeah. It felt very petty and very kind of, I don't know, mean girl. Yeah. Gave mean girl vibes. Yeah. They are out there. I mean, have you ever watched Real Housewives? They're all a bunch of bitches. Yeah. I can't say that I've really watched it very much, but it's like, I mean, you can have mean girls in reality. I don't need to necessarily watch it on it.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

So anyway, that's just kind of an example of what I'm talking about. I I think that's where the confidence part, you know, having the confidence is not about pretending that something like that doesn't affect you. It's like just like you just said, yeah, that's dung. Yeah. But then being able to move on and let it go. I just think it's just so petty.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Yeah. You know, and have we let it go? We've let it go, but it just came it actually just came up again yesterday.

Wedding Sparks And Who Gets Included

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Because we went to a wedding. This is why we went to a wedding and it was with this guy that we went to school with that was one of my dear friends and one of Mary's. And anyway, long and short of it is there was only like three or four of us that were from high school that were at this event, his first marriage and everything. And I had posted something about you know taking a break on sex based work and going to this event. Can't believe he finally got married. We are the pot is stirred. Because there's all these people responding. Which nobody seemed to be snarky or think whatever, you know. But I was just thinking, oh God, I hope people's feelings weren't hurt that they weren't invited. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

You know, a whole other topic. Yeah. I mean, truly, that could be an episode because that right there is is, you know, how handling how to handle those types of situations. And being able to at this point in life, we're we're kind of getting sidetracked here, but being able to at this point in life, yeah, being okay with maybe not being invited, same scenario. Okay, it might hurt a little, but you need to let it go for whatever the reasons are. We don't know the circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Okay, but in this circumstance, or not this one, but I'm like, I'm actually okay with not being invited to a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Well, I I know that's that's what I'm saying, but there are those that maybe it wouldn't be, you know.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Especially if it's people that you, you know, have hung out with and then they didn't include you. That that would definitely sting more. Yeah, I would think. I mean, some of these women are not people that I would hang out with on a regular basis anyway. So I didn't then, I'm not now. I mean, we're friends, but it's not like you know, I'm going to their house every weekend or anything like that. So it's all good.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

So yeah. Anyway, that was just just a just a little example I wanted to share with you. Being able to move on anyway. That's where the confidence is. Yeah. But you know, what are some other things that might come up that you might feel some kind of way about?

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Just some examples. Oh, you just gave one. I think like if I was in that friend group being the last one to know that this person was getting married. Yeah. You know, if I didn't know and wasn't not even so much about being invited, but just like didn't even really know that was happening. Or, you know, vacation pictures maybe with a girls' weekend or something. Yeah, that you would have been probably expected to be included in.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

I mean, I can't say I can't even lie that that has not happened. I mean, in the last maybe year and a half or so, seeing one person in particular, I'm thinking of different events or things, and we used to do stuff all together all the time, and now we're not all. And I just, I mean, I kind of look at it and go, hmm, that's kind of makes me sad. Yeah. But at the same time, it's like it's okay. Yeah. Because it's like a different phase of life right now. Right. But anyway, just kind of another example of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Um how do you feel when you walk into like a party and everyone has their people? You're you're at a party where you know some people, but then everybody's in their groups of people. You mean their clicks? Yeah. And and you don't really kind of know where to navigate yourself to.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Well, that would probably be a lot tougher question for someone who's more of an introvert. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could say that I I would go in and kind of assess the situation and go, I didn't I don't have my person here. Yeah. Kind of like I'm at this wedding yesterday. Yeah. I don't have a date. I chose I didn't bring anybody. I just I went with Mary and her husband. So I'm there third.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Oh, I was gonna say was that's that was my next question. So okay, I could I see that.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah, which is kind of kind of comical because he's gotten used to me now being around the two of them and stuff and tolerates me, I could say in his own special way. But yeah, I I would probably just walk in and find a group and go start talking to them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Somebody familiar. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

But if they're all there like coupled up and it's like, here I am not coupling up. I don't typically bring people to different events at this point anyway. Kind of actually am okay with that.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I I enjoy being that one off person and you know, because then I can then I can do my Irish exit.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Yeah, you can just kind of do whatever you want. You can chat and network and be, you know, however you want to navigate it. You don't have to worry about, you know, the other person so much. If you're you know what I mean, like if you're there with your husband or your boyfriend or whatever, if you're just there by yourself, you can literally navigate the evening or the event however you want to. So but it does take a different level of energy.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Absolutely. And again, going back to it being something that bothers you or doesn't bother you, yeah. You know, can I say honestly that that wouldn't bother me? I mean, I think it depends on the crowd.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

You know, if it's a crowd or the music's playing or something where I'm totally fine, great, but if it's something where I don't feel familiar or comfortable, then I would definitely be like feeling maybe a little bit off.

Looks And Wanting To Feel Attractive

SPEAKER_00 13:20

What about what about looks? I'm I'm kind of moving on into another category of abundantly shallow. But well, no, no, I just mean about ourselves. Sometimes we say about like how I look at other things. I just mean looks another thing that we pretend doesn't matter. Like looks don't matter, but we still want it, we still want to feel attractive. Absolutely, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

But a lot of people do kind of matter though. And that's the thing. It's like we do say, I mean, there's a I know a lot of women who will say, I don't give a shit. I'll just put my hair in a ponytail and I didn't shave my legs and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, and they're married, you know, it's like, well, that's what their husband's getting the whole time, you know, or their wife or whatever they're getting the whole time. So maybe they don't care in that moment, but there is a point in time where you do care. And it's like, we say we don't care, but we really do care. I mean, I'm calling Michelle today, going, How do you use that damn waiver on your hair? Because whenever she does it, it looks really good. And when I do it, it looks like I've stuck my finger in a light socket, you know? Of course I care.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

That's oh my goodness. Yeah. Well, and I think especially in midlife, there I mean, really, I know for me there's an expectation that I put on myself in wanting to feel attractive. Because I think the the when you talk about expectation, I think there's one out there in gen in the general population that midlife women kind of give up on that. Yes. Because of all the things we talk about, because of how our bodies change and menopause, because of how our hair starts thinning and all the things that our skin is different, everything now I'm sounding now. I'm depressed. Everything is different. Yeah. And so really being able to navigate what is going on, how to continue to feel good about yourself and feel attractive and and all like the light socket thing, your your hair does not look like it was put in a light socket. I don't ever see your hair look terrible. But see, this is what we're talking about. I don't mean right at the moment. It's it's fine right now. In general, but that's what I'm saying. So uh and there are those appropriate times. Do you have to look on point all the time? No, you don't. But maybe there's a day when you're you you're running errands and you do throw your hair up in the messy bun or the ponytail and you're just putting foundation and lip gloss on. Or nothing. It doesn't, or or nothing. Like it doesn't have to be this whole big affair.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

But you gotta, you gotta say, okay, that it does put a pep in your step when you feel that. That's what I'm saying. And nobody has to even say anything, right? It's like I'll use my examples at the gym. It's like so here is I when I'm going to the gym, I'm pretty much in my own little world, right? But I've made some friends at the gym, women, friends at the gym, and you know, I'll see them or whatever, chit-chat, say hello, whatever. I'm still in my own little world. But there's a these two women, they're together. They I've gotten to know them, they're darling. And I walk in and they and of course they're like, you know, 30 or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

There's like, damn, your outfit slays today. And I'm like, Thanks. I had to think about that one for a minute, you know. Right. But um but slay all day. It's slay all day, yeah. Or the other one is you man, you ate that. It's like crumbs and no crumbs. I'm starting to hear that a lot now too.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Not that I'm necessarily gonna say it, but or a baddie. You're a baddie. Yeah, but I'm I guess what I'm saying is kind of like I like looking cute at the gym, but I put makeup on. I don't do all that kind of stuff. But it's like I don't want to look like a I don't want to look like I just rolled out of bed either. Right. So I do care. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

I I I think there's some of the things that do secretly matter are probably you know the right kind or the good haircut that you're used to having. Yep, right? Your hanger jeans that fit good. No low rise. I like mid-rise. I like midrise. Midrise is good for a midlife. See, midlife, mid-rise and midlife is good. But can you remember the low rise?

SPEAKER_01 17:12

They're not they're gonna swing back. You know they're going to. Low rise, they already have. Okay, well, you know what? I don't want to see anyone's butt crack, so I'm not interested.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Just you see, you gotta you gotta do that right too. Just a a little, you know, tea from the thong at the top, just a little peekaboo. Just a little something something. Kind of sexy. It's just all in how you present yourself. Hi, okay. I mean, okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Okay, so what else matters?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Like if somebody notices your outfit, maybe that you put some, you know, time and intention into. It always feels good when that gets noticed.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Or you wear something different than you normally wear. Like I have these pants that I just got, and I was I was like, Michelle needs to see these before I decide if I'm gonna keep them or not. Like, okay, I care obviously what they look like, and I trust her opinion. And they're so stinking cute. But I'm like, I don't know, I don't know. And so I'm getting but I'm keeping them. Yeah, I'm gonna wear them tomorrow, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

I mean, feeling fe feeling sexy, exactly. Feel sexy and those yeah, you get the right outfit, and you just gotta there's things you gotta tell yourself, like, yeah, I can pull this off, a little, you know, peep toe shoe with this, that, and the other thing. It can be dressed up, it can be dressed down. It's like, yeah, I got this, you know, and and those things matter. They matter to to how you're feeling about it, yourself.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

A lot of it, like you said before, goes directly back to your confidence level. It's like now it's like I've definitely gotten her words of affirmation on my pants. So, and it's like there's other pants, obviously, that I've gotten that Michelle hasn't seen, and I've worn them and they're fine. It's yeah, just these particular ones are a little bit of a different style than I'd normally wear.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

So I was like, I just want to see what she knows me because I'll do an all-out 70s or 60s vibe and just like wear it and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

And I'm going through my closet, like I've just got this new big closet, right? So I'm going through trying to organize stuff, and she hasn't come up to look at everything yet. But I pulled out this one dress and I'm like, what do you think of this? She goes, Okay, silence means something in this particular case. And I'm like, Okay, that one's getting donated. That one is getting donated.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Yeah, and those sometimes are those things we hang on to because we're just like, but maybe yeah, but maybe it we probably couldn't.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

But it's not like I'm going out every single weekend that I have so many outcomes.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

I have to say, yeah, in in all transparency, there have been some times recently because I've been really good about editing my closet because that's way too many I understand on an ongoing basis. And so I've been trying to be really good about editing, and there have been a few moments lately where I'm like, did I get did I get rid of that? Like you're looking for something and I'm not finding it. Did I put it in a bag and do I have it in storage or did I get rid of it? Like so, I mean, and that might happen. You might edit something that later on you're I wish I would have kept that, but you know what? It just means you need to go get something else. That's right. You just need to go get something else. Okay, what else?

SPEAKER_01 19:58

You just like feeling good. You just that that it matters. Okay, so it's kind of like looking in the mirror when you leave for the day. Yes. You're going, damn.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Yeah, I look good.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

Good today.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Yeah. Yeah. And and that will that will reflect in all activities.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

I've done I've a couple of times. It's like I've taken a picture of something super cute that I was wearing and I'll send it to my daughter and go, damn, your mom looks good today. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

And I think I think too, there's a difference between I mean, what we're talking about, there's a difference between needing validation and enjoying just feeling attractive. Yeah. Feeling attractive and enjoying that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Well, I get I get dressed up for me and I get dressed up for occasions and stuff like that. Sometimes it's like I don't even have anything specific going on, but it's like I just want to look cute. Yeah. So I'll put on something that's maybe I wouldn't normally wear. And someone would notice that. People that are around me all the time. My sister in particular, she notices all of those things. Yeah. It's like, oh, that's a new thing. That's a new, you know. I have, you know, she she notices everything. And she's has some really cute stuff herself. So anyway.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

I was just thinking too, in regard to needing validation, that can be likened with dependence, whereas um dependence. Depending. Oh dependence. What do you think I'm saying? Depends. I'm like No. Validation is dependence. An example of that. And feeling attractive, right? Total confidence. And whatever you'd be wearing a paper bag and you feel confident. I just think that is, you know, don't be silly.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Whatever. Moving on. Moving on. So okay.

Confession Time On Small Needs

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Confession time. Jeez. So that you pretend don't matter, but really do. Give me two things.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

I I'm gonna say when my kids call first. Okay. I know that might seem weird, but you like if they just I pretend like it doesn't matter, but it really does. I know. When they call first, like that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

I know. You're kinda like, what do you what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 21:57

And they don't want anything. Don't call first. You know, if it's always me calling, I I pretend that it doesn't matter. But it kind of does.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Do you think they know that?

SPEAKER_00 22:08

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

I mean, so you you think about you like you're at the age you're at now, and it's like someday we're gonna be like our mom's age, God willing. And it's like they really care. And it's pretty noticeable. Yeah, you know, that people call them. But what I've noticed is that my mom doesn't call anybody, she just expects everybody to call.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

So if you don't, you know and again, everybody's different. Everybody's different.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Let's see. I think it matters to me when I have when someone has like I have a signature fragrance and someone's like, damn, you smell good. It's like I love how you and I'm like, okay. I my signature fragrance is not really bold, it's not flowery, it's just kind of me, and I really like it. So when people notice it, it's like okay, I like it. You know, it just kind of gives you a little pep in your step.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Yeah. This is a good one for me. I know. Looking tan. Yeah. Well, I know the bronzer goes a long way. Does go a long way. And it's like, and I like and I like looking tan too because you just look healthier. I pretend it doesn't matter, but honestly, it does. It really 100% matters. Yeah. And a lot of those things are like, it matters to me, like if I have my toes done. It matters if I have my fingers done. It matters to me those particular things. And even though I was saying, Michelle, before we got started, I think I'm pretty easygoing in a lot of ways. But there's some ways I'm absolutely not easygoing. And unless you get to know me, you're not going to necessarily know what those things are, like what I'm particular about. Yeah. Everybody has those things. Yeah. I can't I was visiting a friend in in uh Vegas earlier this year and went in to see his place and everything. And oh my God, I cannot even believe I did this because it matters to me, but I think it if it's he had these beautiful pieces of art up on the wall, which on a side note had to tell me how much they cost, but that's a whole nother story. That wasn't really a friend. Well, he he was a friend for he was an acquaintance. Yeah, for a little while. But anyway, total side note on that. He had his artwork hanging, but it was crooked, and that bothers me like more than anything is when things are crooked. Like when I'm hanging things up at home, I won't hang them in a row because if I can't get it perfect, yeah. That so I went over and like fixed. I would have done the same thing because I'm exactly the same as a one could argue that that's a controlling trait. That's hilarious. Yeah, I know, but it bothered me. And it's like, I anyway, why do I remember that several months later? But probably because I look on the crooked picture. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe he didn't care, but it really didn't matter. It mattered to me. Anyway, I don't know where I came up with that one, but that that was one that Okay, I got some rapid fire stuff that we're gonna throw out here.

Rapid Fire Lies About Preferences

SPEAKER_00 24:51

And it's it's really you don't have to come up with a a solid answer. It's really just uh yes, that's a lie or you know, truth or a lie about that. Okay. For example, I don't care what restaurant we go to. That's kind of a lie. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Because I'm thinking if it's a casual thing, but then like I went on this networking thing two or three weeks ago. Yeah. And it was at this restaurant in downtown Seattle in Piner Square, bougie as hell restaurant. And I mean, it was not good. And it was so freaking expensive. Yeah. And I was just like, you know, I had a salad that was like forty dollars. So yeah, it does matter.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

It does, yeah. But what about and this probably is dependent on what you're doing, but I don't care where we sit, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Well, yeah, no, if I'm at a concert, so that's a lie. That's a lie. Okay. Yeah, concert's a big one for me, and I'm a shrimp, so it's like I don't like sitting in the back row anyway. But yeah, no, it's like we've earned good concert tickets. So that's what comes to mind for me. I still care. So that's a lie. Yeah, yeah. I care, but I do too. I have expanded my horizons. I mean, I'm going to my first country concert ever next week. Wow. I know that's a big one. I know. So I've been playing country music in the house. Michelle comes up. Yeah, he's not really country. He's kind of country, but he's got an RB too. So staplet. Yeah, you are so that's what you're going to do. Yeah, no secret stapleton. Okay. And um, yeah, my first country concert.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Need a hat I probably do. That says American Girl with Cowboy or something.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Maybe cowboy goo boots too. I have nothing. Okay. I figured. Cowboy boots, don't you? I don't know. I think I got rid of them. Pull those bad boys out. Now that my son's in Austin, you think that I would have them more often, but I need to get there more.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

You would what are some other ones? What about if on a date? I don't care if he opens the door for me. I know this one's gonna trip you up.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

This one no, and and I'm only like if it's yes, I kind of do. Because it really says more about him than it does about me. You know, it's just kind of more like an observation.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

So, but here we go. So does it does it matter? Is it one of those things where we say it matters, but does it matter? Kind of does. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

But then, you know, if you're you know, maybe it isn't as big of a deal. But I mean, I'd like people to make those concerted efforts.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

I would say, you know, um, so yeah, I I would say it matters. So I I think one of the underlying messages here with this episode is to stop pretending.

Stop Pretending And Own It

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Yeah. Stop pretending it's okay to care about things, even if they're just little things that make you feel wanted and loved and attractive. It has nothing to do whether you're confident or not confident. Or shallow. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

I say that because we were talking about the looks thing, and it's like whether I like it or not, it's like, you know, it is important to me. Yeah. And it's more what it like something that is someone I should say that's attractive to me might not be attractive to someone else, and that's completely okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

So yeah, I've I I think it's they just need I need to feel like an attraction. Yeah. So that is important.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Well, and because to be seen, and I don't mean because you look good, just being seen in who you are and you know, feeling beautiful, feeling included and important, those are all things that really do matter because midlife is not a time to shrink yourself or pretend that you are somebody that doesn't care. You know, there's a lot of things that we say and that we do that, you know, to minimize all these things that we're moving on and we're good. And but there are those things that really truly I think do matter. And it's not so much about knowing why you care, but more about being able to do that right and not apologizing for it. Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

So, ladies, on your way out of this episode, take a mental note. Things three things that you say don't matter that really do, because there are a few of them out there. And if you say, I'm fine, then that's whatever it is, that's one of them.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Stop to pause and think, okay, am I fine? I'm really not. I just, yeah. Yeah, and this is actually now that we're talking about this, this is something that we have addressed in our coaching program with some clients.

Coaching And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_00 29:05

We have a one-on-one online coaching program. It's called Step Into Spicy Confidence. If at all you're interested, the link is in our show notes and in the bios on all our socials. You should check it out. So, just an example, this is something that we would address if needed in our coaching program. So, anyways, we are out on the socials Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, as well as YouTube. Yep. And if you visit us there, please follow and subscribe. We would love that. And until next week, thanks for spending some time with us and stay spicy, ladies. Spicy ladies, take it easy, peace out. Bye. Bye.