64. Navigating Chemistry and Compatibility in Midlife Dating

#DatingAfterDivorce #ChemistryVsCompatibility You've heard everything about midlife dating... but is chemistry really what keeps two people together for life? 🤔

The biggest trap in dating after divorce is trusting those "butterflies" that flutter in your stomach on the first date. In this episode, we break down the real difference between chemistry vs compatibility and why emotional safety and shared values matter far more than initial attraction.

🎧 What You'll Learn:

✅ Are "butterflies" really love, or just excitement?

✅ How to tell the difference between chemistry and compatibility

✅ How to date after divorce without breaking your heart again

✅ Why strong sparks often lead to toxic relationships

✅ How to spot the difference between anxiety and genuine excitement

✅ 5 signs of emotional safety every midlife woman should look for

✅ Why peace beats drama and why "nice" feels "boring" at first

✅ The 3 values that matter most for a long-term happy relationship

⏱️ Timestamps:

0:00 — Intro: Who We Are

1:25 — The Chemistry vs Compatibility Debate

5:50 — Spark, Butterflies & Red Flags

12:50 — Midlife Perspective: Values, Peace & Emotional Safety

23:50 — Rapid-Fire Questions & The Challenge

💌 Have you ever trusted the butterflies and chosen the wrong person? Tell us in the comments we want to hear your story!

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🔔 New episodes every weak real dating advice for midlife women.

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Transcript

Cold Open: Dating After Divorce

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Divorce and dating after divorce, and if we're ready to be doing all that. So thought it might be a little interesting to talk about the chemistry aspect. You know, it was kind of funny a couple weeks ago. I I've seen that and not know that people don't initially get to that. I I know they might start with fireworks, um, or they don't necessarily even start with the fireworks or the butterfly, like we were talking about, feeling emotionally safe, right? Right? Laughing together with somebody, feeling relaxed instead of feeling like you have to put on a performance. Yep. You know, it says some kind of show. But you know what I've found is feeling peace instead of drama. Yeah, that's a big one.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

So sometimes relationships, if you think about it, create so much of that that that's what you know. Drama. Drama. Yeah. That's what you know. Say that was your marriage. Say that was the guy that you dated forever, right? There's all you never know when the other other shoe is gonna drop, or you never know kind of what's happening with them, or whether it's gonna be a good day or a bad day. Yeah, you become used to that chaos.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Hey, and real quick before we dive in, if you're a woman in midlife who's tired of the cliches and ready to live out loud, we're glad you're here. Because you are definitely in the right place.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

We're not here to age gracefully, we're here to age boldly. So if you love real talk, big laughs, and the occasional spicy truth bomb, make sure to follow us on TikTok at Spicy Midlife Women for even more unfiltered midlife magic.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Hey everybody, Jules and Michelle here, two spicy midlife women from Seattle. And Jules, why don't you tell everybody what we are all about?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Well, you know, we are midlife women with lots of midlife messages, and we're here to bring them to all of you, other midlife women out there. So you know that you're not alone and you know that there's all kinds of things you can learn from people who have maybe been through some of these things before. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Because we've learned a shit ton of stuff. Shit ton. We have not everything, but we've definitely learned a lot. Yeah. So what are we talking about today? You know, let's get into this because it's all about chemistry. We've um the last few weeks, we've been talking about divorce and dating after divorce and if we're ready to be doing all that. So thought it might be a little interesting to talk about the chemistry aspect. You know, it was kind of funny a couple weeks ago, you you know, when you do that whole rapid fire thing that I feel like that, yeah. You were asking something to the effect of if there was no chemistry, would you go on a second date? And I said yes. Um, and it kind of depended on what I was looking for. But, you know, if you got somebody genuine and, you know, that treats you well and there's not necessarily the chemistry there, a second date probably would be warranted because I feel like, tell me if I'm wrong, but in midlife we are kind of um uh our our ooh, I don't want to say expectations.

What Chemistry Really Means

SPEAKER_03 2:55

Uh I don't like that word, but things have shifted in regard to what we're looking for, I think. You know, I would agree. Uh right. Um, you know, because uh the butterfly syndrome, you know, when you get those butterflies and all of that, it's fun.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Girlfriend, butterflies do not pay the bills. They do not.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

They they do not pay the bill. I I would hate for us to confuse butterflies with compatibility. Yeah. Right. Uh and you know, at this point in life and midlife, I think compatibility goes a long way, even though we have less time in front of us than we've had behind us. Don't say that. I know, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

I know, I know. I know. Anyway, yeah. So these questions that we're talking about may ruffle some feathers. We might, I don't know, get you thinking about this. I know this is definitely a topic that I have contemplated a lot, you know, being in the dating world, because I'm all about chemistry. I'm all about that initial, I don't know, like, hmm, this person's kind of got my attention, sort of thing. But I've also come to learn that that doesn't last or it hasn't in the circumstances that I've been in. And I really don't give things kind of, or I haven't, I should say, given things more um time. I'm just like, eh, and kind of move on to the next thing because I'm maybe I'm impatient or something. I don't know. She is. I I am a patient. I'm here to tell you, she kind of is. Yeah, I'm kind of impatient. But in all fairness, it's like, you know, I I think it's I'm so telling on myself right now. I think that my approach at times has been very kind of shallow. Because if you're looking at things from a chemistry standpoint, that also is what you see on the outside, and what you see on the outside kind of develops that ick factor if they're if they got ick tendencies, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 4:36

We did an episode on the icky. I know. I like the ick factor. Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

It's it's a thing. And everybody has a different uh a different view of what that is, right? Yeah. So chemistry, I think, is directly related to if they do things that make you go, ew, you know, I really do. Maybe I don't know, that's how I look at it. But um, we're gonna dive into this instant attraction. We're gonna dive into things like emotional safety and the slow burn that you might experience, you know, with getting to know somebody and maybe giving them the time that they deserve or that you deserve to, you know, figure out if they're a person for you.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

I think too though, some of I uh some of the healthiest relationships are all, you know, uh wrapped around compatibility. Yeah. I I've seen that. And now you know they still don't initially get to that. I I know they might start with fireworks, um, or they don't necessarily even start with the fireworks or the butterfly. They might start with, wow, that guy's an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Well, I don't know, but that's happened to me before and they've ended up being my friends or whatever, where I was like, what is it? But not in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

No, not necessarily in a relationship. Yeah. So that there's the difference. But um, I think though, some I uh yeah, it it's interesting. It's definitely interesting because chemistry isn't always love. Yeah. Sometimes it's about familiarity. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah. So if you're dating, you're married, you're divorced, you're happily single, you know, this conversation might get you to think a little bit more about the amount of time and like energy you're giving to another person if you're interested in them. Um, and you know, maybe you're in a position where you're not really giving them any time or attention. And you're cause maybe it's because you don't know what the hell you want. That could be another thing too.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

You know, so do you think if there's not an I I mean, what's your take on this? If there's not an immediate spark, do you feel like there's not going to be anything there?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Well, I I've always landed on if there's no spark, it's not probably there in in all truthfulness. Yeah. But you think about people that you've been around for periods of time, maybe it's people you were working with or something, nobody you would necessarily date if you're working with them, but yeah, where they you they kind of grow on you, you know, they kind of like you learn about them from a completely different perspective. And so they become attractive for different reasons. Yeah. And that's, I think, a lot more, you know, in-depth, frankly, than oh, I'm sitting down with this person that I'm, you know, I barely know and gonna see if we have chemistry. And what is that? I mean, to me, it's like sexual chemistry. Yeah. It's like if that's off the charts, I'm just gonna go there.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

When I think of butterflies or fireworks, of course, that's I liken that to the yes, the sexual tendencies or whatever that is gonna be. That's where this, that's where I think the spark is.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Okay, so that goes back to what are you looking for or what do you want?

SPEAKER_03 7:18

I know.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

I mean, you hear me talk about I'm being so intentional. I'm very intentional in okay, I'm totally, totally giving myself shit about dating and this, that, and the other thing. But I'm also trying to keep an open mind about it because my mind I feel has been kind of narrow. I mean, I'm looking at people from the perspective of what I see, and I'm starting to realize that I need to maybe mature a little bit more in how I view things because I am not viewing them through a lens that would be for something more long-term and lasting. Right. And now that's kind of where I'm at in my life. That's what I'm more interested in.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

That's a that's where the compatibility comes from. She's like, thank God, Julie,

Butterflies Vs Compatibility

SPEAKER_03 7:55

it's about time. Because I think sometimes, for me, anyways, I don't know about you, but looking back, sometimes some of the biggest sparks were some of the biggest emotional roller coaster relationships that I ever went through.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Toxic. Some of them have been so incredibly toxic. Yeah. Or, you know, people play on the fact that you have this chemistry, and you know, depending upon your intentions and that other person's intentions, maybe that's all it is.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

It's just sexual chemistry. Well, sometimes you're not attracted to healthy. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

It's kind of like, you know, I swear to God, sometimes the sexual tension has nothing to do with being a healthy, you know, whatever. It's more kind of like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

Yeah. Well, see, and I so how do you differentiate like where that goes? Well, when you look at okay. Well, you tell me you're the one in a long-term relationship. Well, I know, but but as far as you know, something like that that starts off like that, and there's all that chemistry and everything, but maybe there's like a million red flags waving, but you know, do you uh I guess it would depend on the red flags. Well, and and sometimes that anxiety might it might seem like excitement, I guess is what I'm trying to say, but really it might be nervous anxiety because you've been in this situation before. And you know, you kind of got to tap in and and really try to understand what the the differences are there between anxiety and excitement.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

And you know, honestly, you're talking in a little bit more depth than a lot of people even think about when they're when they're considering spending time with somebody.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

It's like if it's kind of just for fun, you're just looking at the chemistry piece of it. You're not looking at their values, you're not looking at all, well, maybe a little bit, but you're not looking at all that other stuff that would, you know, put them in a position to be a potential for a long-term partner.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

So when you say you've got the chemistry with somebody and you're like, damn, this feels good. I like how this feels, but they're inconsistent as hell. Yeah, all of a sudden the chemistry to me goes away.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Well, yeah, because the emotional safety's not there. Right, exactly. Or the you know, there's unresolved patterns that maybe you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Well, it's kind of like this is a I mean, that is like a big fat red flag to me. You know, if you're inconsistent and then you turn around and be like, well, you're the one that didn't call me, whatever. It's like this tit for tat thing. I'm just I'm not gonna play that.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Well, and I think midlife, I think, really changes what we're looking for. Yeah. I mean, there's there's where the difference is. Because like we we can have fireworks by ourselves. Yeah. I mean, let's be honest. There are fireworks, but it is different fireworks. I know, but I I'm just yeah playing there, but you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

And she's still got a glow because her man was here this weekend.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

But when we get into the bitch is getting more than I am. What the hell? And he doesn't even live here. What's happening? When we get into midlife, you know, there there is like a difference with what we tolerate, with what we're looking for, and you know, trying we're not mistaking that excitement with compatibility. You know, we know what we want. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:52

We know what we'll tolerate. I think we're kind of in a place too, like you said, where um I mean, fun is fun. Don't get me wrong. I like having fun. I like, I mean, I've got relationships with people that are just my friends, people that I've gone out and done stuff with. Heck, I'm friends without the people that I've gone out with. Not half, but a lot. Just because we've ended up being friends. No, probably half. Yeah, maybe. Like I'm going out for happy hours, one of them tomorrow, you know. I'm not, I am not interested in him romantically or sexually, but he's you're really good at that though.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

Yeah, you you have a lot of really great friends going through this process.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

So, what if I slept with him?

SPEAKER_03 11:26

That doesn't matter, you know, whatever. It was a long time ago.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Now we're just friends. We we kind of joke about it.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

So let me ask you have you ever walked away from somebody? Oh, sure. Well, no, wait, let me finish the question. Have you ever walked away from somebody when that immediate chemistry wasn't there?

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yes. Yes, I have. Okay. Which I kind of look back and I'm kind of like, well, that wasn't very nice of me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Because it's like you don't let it grow. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Again, we're we're moving through this midlife journey and we're realizing it's not always about that.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

There's more to it. I could okay, let me give you an example. I can think of this one gentleman that I had gone out with. He was very sweet. And I actually went out with him twice because the f this is exactly what we're talking about. The chemistry just wasn't there in the same way. But he was kind of nervous and he but he was such a gentleman, and we and we had a nice time and we talked, but it became like, okay, I think I want to go out with him one more time, just kind of see. Is this kind of the slow burnistry? Keep going. This is the slow burn. Yeah. Um, there was none that I mean, after the second date, I'm like, I here's my here's my thing. Could I see myself? I know this is gonna sound awful, but can I see myself sleeping with this person at some point down the road? And if I can't really envision it, yeah, then maybe it's not the right way. And I know that sexual chemistry is that's like such a small thing when you get to be really old, right? It's really about chemistry that you uh transition into compatibility, like you were saying. Do you have the same morals? Do you have the same standards? Do you have the same beliefs in things or relatively close? Can you guys get along? Are they respectful? You know, all the other stuff that we've we talk about when you get into a relationship. Yeah. But it's like I've really tried, you know, to give um more time to things like that. And I'm sure it's not just me. I'm sure I've been around people who I've thought were great and they didn't like me that way. You know, it just goes back and forth. I don't, it's fine. But I'm just saying it's like I've had to really think about it because chemistry is not necessarily going to be something that takes you down the road long term.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

I just well, and I think it's so interesting

Peace, Safety, And The Slow Burn

SPEAKER_03 13:25

that you know, you hear women say, Oh, he's nice, but I'm just not feeling it, right? That's the chemistry thing we're talking about. Probably. Yeah. Meanwhile, the the guy that's giving the biggest emotional whiplash of life is getting all the attention.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Exactly. What is it with that? Why well, I mean, I have logic, there's there's definite ideas. I think, you know, I was just having a conversation with one of my other friends about this the other day because sometimes those things are challenges or they come across as more of a challenge. Yeah. Because you're kind of like opposites attract. Yeah. There's this whole thing. You're like, hmm, that's true. You know, I mean, maybe this is something where and that goes back to that whole thing about how you want to fix people, you want to save people, whatever. That's that's a whole me thing that I've I've come to learn I need to really put on the shelf.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Ain't nobody fixing anybody at this point in life. Can I just tell you all that right now? Yeah. I mean, really, there's not. No. Not at this point in life. Well, I mean, it depends how they are. I mean, if yeah, if you guys have somebody 20 years you're younger, maybe, but even they have potential. I was trying to do that the whole time I was married. There's there's no it's just not.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

It was not you were trying to fix the whole time you're married. Yeah. I wasn't trying to fix when I was married. He was he was definitely had his own thing. It wasn't that. It was more like I'm seeing like I see people now and I'm like, oh, there's so much potential there. But it's like, you know, I I don't really know if I want to wait around for that t potential to evolve. But usually that's with people that are a little bit younger.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

But I I think it's interesting because with uh midlife, once you, you know, maybe you do find that attraction, it's gonna be more something. I I think we're more open to something that we can build upon. It's not something that immediately happens.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Right. Um Do you think chemistry, like we did an episode on um chemistry killers? Did you remember that one? Well, it was it was basically where we were talking, it was the ick one. Oh, yeah, the ick one. Yeah, first there's things that people it's like when you're first meeting somebody, you it is really true when you're talking about first impressions because someone can give you a first impression and it's really maybe they're having a really bad day or they're going through something that's just not great, and you're not catching them at their best. Right. But that's gonna be your lasting impression that you have of that person, right? Well, we have days like that too, where you know, we're just like, you know, raging biotches or whatever, and you know, I wouldn't want to be around me, so I wouldn't necessarily want to subject someone else to that either. Yeah, so you have to think about it from that standpoint too. And I think that's where some of the maturity in dating and kind of how you evolve makes such a big difference.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

Well, maturity in what attraction is some because some of those things are like we were talking about, feeling emotionally safe, right? Right, laughing together with somebody, feeling relaxed instead of feeling like you have to put on a performance. Yep, you know, says some kind of show. But you know what I've found is feeling peace instead of drama. Yeah, that's a big one.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

So sometimes relationships, if you think about it, create so much of that that that's what you know. Drama. Drama. Yeah. That's what you know. Say that was your marriage. Say that was the guy that you dated forever, right? There's all you never know when the other other shoe is gonna drop, or you never know kind of what's happening with them or whether it's gonna be a good day or a bad day. Yeah. You become used to that chaos. And then when you meet somebody who doesn't necessarily present the same type of chemistry to begin with, yeah, but might have it down the road, you know, kind of a thing. Um, it almost feels boring. It almost feels like, what's wrong? You know? And there's nothing wrong. It's actually it it's actually that your nervous system going, what the hell is happening here? Yeah, it's it's more like what is what's right. Yeah. Is this right? Like, and of course me, I feel something wrong with everything. You know, it's like, what's happening here? Oh, it's you know, I don't know. But anyway, it's just something to think about when it comes to that. Um, I feel like we will self-sabotage when we feel if you're used to chaos and you are meeting someone who is not a chaotic person, you might be self-sabotaging if you're saying, eh, they're not really for me. Yeah, you know, or you're finding things that might make them not really for you. Do you think some of those things are your well, your values, you know, the things if you believe the same things or you you hold the same things true? Like, for example, if you're your one of your strong values is surrounding family, but the other, you know, having your family around you, but the other person does not care about having their family around, yeah, that's gonna be a conflict, right? You know, long term.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Yes, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

You know, or if they have different political beliefs that they won't, you know, that they hold on to, and you have political beliefs and you guys can't meet in the middle somewhere.

unknown 17:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

And I only say that now because it seems to be a very volatile environment, and I'm not gonna get into politics because we could go on to another tangent if I do, but anyway,

Values, Politics, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 18:05

you know where I'm going.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Well, I mean, if you can have those conversations and still feel at peace, uh-huh. You don't have to agree on everything. Right. Or if like you have to defend be on the defensive all the time. Like you can't say what's on your mind. Yeah, you can just really relax and be yourself, knowing that that other person, you know, still respects and loves you and has your back. Yeah, no matter what.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

But they may not feel the same way about things that are really important to you. But as long as they understand that you have your own opinion and they have their own opinion, I have a tremendous amount of respect, respect for people who will allow that to happen. Now, I think there I I say all that. Let's just talk politics for a sec. Just two seconds. You said we weren't gonna do politics. But I'm I say all that with a caveat that I'm sorry, I could not be with a Trumper. I couldn't be. I just couldn't. There's just too many things that are different. I just can't. So now let me we can move off at that now. Okay, there's her politics rant. Yeah, that's my politics rent. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

But compatibility, I don't think, is, you know, that word might seem somewhat boring to some, right? But when you think of all the things that go along with it, like you were just talking about like study and how great is that really the consistency, um, and and all of those things that you are able to move through when there's compatibility with somebody, I think that's super sexy.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Don't you don't you think though that there has to be some modicum of excitement?

SPEAKER_03 19:27

Oh wait, wait, wait. There's the word. There's the word. There's always one word that Julie uses that I don't know what it means. Today it's modicum.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

You know, just some some form of some inkling of it. I'm explaining this to her as we go. Let me get your goddamn dictionary out, girl. Um modicum. Um, of excitement. Otherwise, it's just like going through the motions.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

I mean, yeah, but that therein you have to be able to and not always be the one, but there's gonna be times where you have to create that excitement. Like, what are you gonna do to be exciting and confident in your relationship?

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Like, there's all those things. I know, but it's like sometimes it's just being silly, you know, just being kind of stupid, silly together or playing stupid jokes on people like on April Fool's Day.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

What about somebody that doesn't communicate?

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Oh yeah, right? I kind of almost feel like that's kind of as a chemistry killer. Major. Well, I mean, what's the point? It's kind of like, do you have a pulse? Talk. Right. You know, that's or or maybe don't talk.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

What about the good morning beautiful?

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Yeah, well, as long as they're not saying it to six different women, which you know they are. Yeah. Have you ever I was like definite ick. There is this one guy that he hit he he slid into my DMs. Slid. He slid, he probably slithered at this point. Anyway, I went out with him one time. And but at the same time, he would he would send me text messages like just like what you're talking about. Hey, pretty, hey beautiful. And I was like, I think I kind of I don't know, maybe he thought it was a bitch or something, but I was like, hey, I'd really appreciate it if you used my name when you sent me these things because I I have no idea who you're sending them to, you know, kind of a thing. Um anyway. Copy paste, copy. Copy-paste. I'm not kidding. It's like I don't, I'm not a copy-paste girl. It's like, you know, I get the original, the original thing.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

So and I don't think we're saying that chemistry doesn't matter, right? But I think you can have both. I think you can definitely have both. It's don't you think it kind of takes different forms? It shouldn't be the only thing. Well, that's where the whole we've done episodes on this intimacy and all of that kind of stuff, you know, definitely takes on different forms. Consistency, communication, all of all of those things can be very sexy and can make you feel that excitement. And um, is it gonna be crash bang fireworks like maybe it was the first time when you um yeah, yeah. But um, that's where the compatibility is something that you're gonna build, you know, when you're in that relationship with somebody. Yeah.

Consistency, Communication, And The Ick

SPEAKER_03 21:55

It's just it goes, it's it's kind of some of all of it mixed together. It's not like we're One or the other, like if I'm not feeling the fireworks, oh, this isn't gonna work. But you know, if you get past that and grow on some of the emotional stability things and all of those um things that we were talking about, it all matters and can build something into a really fantastic relationship.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Have you ever had somebody okay? So I've had people ask me, or we've taught had conversations like, um, what are you looking for? You know, kind of what are you looking for in a relationship kind of a thing? When you hear people say things like, Well, I want a petite girl with brown hair, and you know, I want her to be athletic build, and it's like they're talking about all the external stuff, right? Yeah, face value. That is like a major red flag to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

It's like, of course. High flying. That red flag is wearing lipstick and lashes.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

It has music slouch.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

That's what I'm saying. It's like they're when when people when people are looking, quote, looking for, you know, the physical attributes of somebody, then they're not necessarily talking about the things that are gonna get them to the next level.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

And so they're obviously of you know, a type or people that you're attracted to or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

But there's probably other people out there too that you might be attracted to that you might pay attention to if you didn't have your blinders on or Well, and I I I mean, chemistry can definitely start a relationship, but then it's the respect, the friendship, the emotional safety, shared values, the desires, all those things. Yeah, that that are the the meat and potatoes, if you will. Yeah. Of you know, it's not the that's the hardship. It's not the happy hour. Yeah. It's not the you know, appetizer and happy hour. We're talking the main meal and everything that is really yeah, part of what makes it all something better. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

I think so too.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Yep. Character, right? Maybe that's the word I'm thinking of. Character is what will will keep all that alive. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, wait, rapid fire.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Oh god, here we go.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

I know, and I'm gonna start this because you need to answer quickly and explain why. Okay. Here we go. Okay. Uh do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in sexual attraction at first sight. Okay, there we go. There we go. What about being friends first? I think that's important. Bad boy.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

I think it's super hard.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

Bad boy or nice guy.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

We're we're rapid firing. I know what I want. If he has tats and he's a nice guy, then I'd probably be a bad boy.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

Tats don't make him a bad boy. I know. I think he's a nice guy. It's just like uh just like we were talking about the other day, like a lady in the streets, but a freaking thing. Freaking the sheets. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

There you go. I mean, obviously, a nice guy would be a better than a bad boy. But here's the thing. I would love it. I don't I disagree. Really? Yeah. Okay, well, the bad boy has to be past his bad boy stage. Because I don't want a hoe. I don't want some player.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

But but you're insinuating that bad boy means he's a hoe. That doesn't necessarily mean I mean a bad boy can just be somebody naughty, like with me. Oh well, that's different. He could be a boy. He could be a good guy and be naughty. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

I'm thinking when I think bad boy, I I have this vision in my head of what that is, you know. And uh I don't I don't want that. I want I like the package, but I like their their mentality to be different.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Butterflies or peace.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Peace for sure.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Text all day or quality conversation.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

I like to text, but I mean I like both.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Yeah. Yeah. Quality conversations are nice when they have wonderful. I mean, I like to have interaction throughout the day. Text, I think, can just be too misinterpreted sometimes, depending on what stage you're at in the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

But it's more like for people, like if you want someone to know you're thinking about them.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Grand gestures or genuine 100% genuine, yeah, for sure. Passion or partnership. Can you have both? I think so. Yeah. I I definitely think both of those, yeah, um, for sure. Yeah. Would you date somebody that you weren't immediately attracted to?

SPEAKER_01 25:49

I think you kind of alluded to some of that, but would you? Um, yes. Why? Because I'm trying to be more open-minded and less uh superficial.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

This is 2026, Julie. Yeah. I know I know. I mean, not that you were superficial before, but there was- No, I'm not saying I'm superficial.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Okay, maybe a little bit sometimes, but um when it comes to dating, I've just figured things out and now I'm I kind of look at things differently, I guess is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Well, and I think too that some of the things we've uh learned through some of our experiences is that peace, probably, well, not probably, it does feel much better than panic.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Well, and that the thought of feeling safe with and when I don't say safe, I don't mean physically safe, but feeling safe, emotionally safe. Yeah, feeling like, you know, that to me is a hundred percent more important than anything else. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Definitely. So at this point in life, we know how to say no. We we know what we want. We know how to say yes, we set the boundaries, we know how to say yes. There's there's all of those things, and being very intentional with what we want, how we go about getting them. Yeah. Um,

Rapid Fire And Weekly Challenge

SPEAKER_03 26:55

I think that why that midlife is a really great point um for all of those things.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

I know, because we have those experiences now where we can actually say that. Whereas I can't say I could do that when I was 40, when I was 35, you know. Well no.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Well, I thought I could, but now I know. That's what, yeah, I know. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Because is there you do learn so much as you move through um the different phases and stages of midlife. And honestly, there's just good things to look forward to. Just want to give a shout out to all our listeners that have been downloading our episodes. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, it's been so fun. Yes, it has. And if you go and find us on YouTube, please follow and subscribe. We would love that. Um, say hello. We would love to have some engagement over there. We are on all the socials, Facebook, Instagram. We love our TikTok audience. So thanks for all the followers we have there. Um, it depends on what your uh definition of spicy is. And we have learned that there are a lot of definitions of spicy out there. I I want to put out a challenge. Uh, just some things to think about this week. Ask yourself if you've ever confused excitement with connection. Okay. And what ask yourself too what qualities actually make you feel loved. Right. That's that's the I mean, that's kind of a really deep question. Sounds sounds super simple, but really, I mean, that's pretty deep.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Okay, I've got one for you. What is it? It's like, would you rather have you been, I should say, choose have you chosen chemistry or have you chosen someone who chooses you? That's a big one. Yeah. You know, because chemistry doesn't always mean that they're choosing you, it just means that they they want to sleep with you. Right. I know.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Right? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I mean, and that's where spicy can be sexy. Yeah, chemistry, it's not all about that. Yeah, it can be a whole lot of other things. But either way, thanks for joining us this week on Spicy Mid Life Women podcast. And until next time, stay spicy, ladies. Stay spicy. Peace out. Bye, bye guys.