E183: The Pattern Beneath the Problem

Ten years ago, I called myself a coach for the first time.

In this episode of Uncharted & Unfiltered, I’m reflecting on what that ten-year journey has taught me — not just about coaching, but about the patterns that shape how we lead, how we work, and how we treat ourselves.

I share the story of a label I once wore as a badge of honour — the workhorse — and how that identity quietly shaped my choices, my pressure, and the way I moved through leadership and life.

Inside this conversation, I explore:

• why certain patterns keep repeating
• why most leaders don’t have behaviour problems, they have pattern problems
• the difference between managing symptoms and seeing what’s underneath
• how the brain reinforces familiar loops
• why awareness is the first step toward real change
• and why discomfort is often information, not instruction

If today’s episode resonates with you, I’ve included two resources in the show notes:

• The Saboteur Assessment — a simple way to begin seeing the inner patterns that may be shaping your leadership
• The TED Talk I mentioned in the episode — a powerful introduction to the ideas behind these patterns and how they operate

And if you take the assessment, I’d genuinely love to hear what you discover.

Many of the reflections that shape these episodes begin as emails I write to my community, so you’ll also find a link in the show notes to join my list if you’d like to stay connected between episodes.

Because once we learn to see the pattern clearly, something powerful happens:

Choice appears.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

Cynthia 0:05

Welcome to Uncharted and Unfiltered, The Journey Back to You. I am Cynthia Jameson, your host, and this is where we break free from the noise and dive deep into what truly matters. You. If you're tired of the shoulds, the expectations, and the pressures to fit into a mold that doesn't serve you, you're in the right place. This isn't a podcast about easy answers or sugar-coated advice. This is your invitation to reclaim your path, embrace the unknown, and become the bold, unapologetic version of yourself that's been waiting to show up. It's time to get unfiltered. Let's get started. Hello, hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to Uncharted and Unfiltered. Today's episode is a special one for me. Ten years ago today, I called myself a coach for the first time. And in today's conversation, I want to share a little bit about what that 10-year journey has taught me, not just about coaching, but about the patterns that shape how we lead, how we work, and how we treat ourselves. So if you are listening today, here is what I hope you will walk away with: a deeper understanding of why certain patterns keep repeating in your life and your leadership, a different way of thinking about the challenges you face, not just the problems to solve, but as signals pointing to something deeper and maybe even a little bit more compassion for yourself when you realize that the patterns that once helped you succeed might also be the ones asking to evolve. Because over the last 10 years, one thing has become incredibly clear to me. Most leaders don't have behavioral problems. They have pattern problems. And once we learn how to solve those patterns clearly, something powerful happens. Choice appears. And when you have choice, the loop, the thought loop, finally has somewhere new to go. Now, let me take you back to a moment 10 years ago when I first said those words out loud to myself on the internet, on Facebook, on LinkedIn. I am a coach. And I will tell you something honestly. When I said it, I can still remember exactly how I felt. Completely exposed, incredibly vulnerable. Because even though something deep inside of me knew that this was the path that I was meant to walk, there was another part of me that had lots to say. It was whispering to me, who do you think you are? What if you fail? What if people don't take you seriously? Fear had so much to say about that moment. And I don't know if you have noticed, but fear is rarely subtle. But intuition had something quieter, more grounded, stronger to say. It said this matters, Cynthia. Listen. And I'm incredibly, deeply grateful today that I listened to that voice instead of the fear. Because that moment of courage opened the door to the last 10 years. I can't even believe that I'm saying that of my life. And what an adventure it has been. When I sat down to reflect on this milestone, I thought that I would feel proud. But what I actually felt was something else. The awe at the people that I've had the privilege to walk beside. Awe at the leaders who have trusted me with their thoughts, their feelings, their dreams, their fears, their assumptions, their beliefs, their inner worlds, awe at the way that this work has shaped me just as much as it has shaped them. Because when I first stepped into coaching, I thought the work was about helping people become better leaders. And of course it is. But what I've learned over this last decade is that the real work is so much deeper than leadership. The real work is helping people see themselves. And that means helping them see the patterns that have been shaping their lives for years, for decades. Patterns that they didn't even know were there. Now I want to share with you a little bit of a story that changed how I see myself. Recently, I was in India, as you know, my mentor said something during one of our evening singles singles, evening circles, that landed so deeply inside of me that it instantly pulled me back into a moment from years earlier. Here's what she said. How you treat yourself is how you treat everyone else. And the moment she said it, my mind traveled back almost 10 years. It was just before Christmas in 2016. I was sitting in the passenger seat of my husband's car while we drove to this tiny Newfoundland place for fish, chips, and gravy. And it's the kind of place that the moment you open the door, it feels like you've stepped back in time 20 years. Like there were still things there that we could purchase that we haven't been able to purchase since we were kids. And while we were driving our way there, I was on the phone with the executive vice president of HR about a short-term HR business partner contract at a nuclear power plant. Now, for those of you that have been with me since the beginning, you probably know about where I worked, all those sorts of things. You may know much more than that. For those of you that are just joining me, you might not know any of that. And so, for context, after 30 years of working in the HR industry, I wasn't convinced that taking a temporary role made sense. It didn't feel like the kind of move that someone at my stage of their career should make. So I said that. And without any hesitation, the executive vice president replied, that won't be a problem, Cynthia. You are a workhorse. Now, for additional context, we had worked together previously at another organization. And so I was known, my work was known, she was known to me. And I will be super honest with you. At the time when she said that, I loved hearing that. But something else crossed my mind at that exact moment. I remember thinking, for that much money, what are they going to expect from me? I think I even said that to my husband because the contract paid well, really well. And somewhere in my brain, the equation formed instantly. If they're paying me that much, I better deliver more than anyone expects. My chest puffed out in the car. I was so proud. I wore that label like a badge of honor. And in my mind, that meant something specific to me, super specific. Here's what it meant: it meant that I was going to work harder than anyone, that I was going to put my best foot forward all of the time, that I would do the role better than I had done any role before that, that I would give more than I ever have. And I did. I didn't take lunches, breaks, I was always on, always pushing, always producing. And for a long time, that identity worked really well for me. But here's the thing that I didn't understand back then. Because I saw myself as a workhorse, that's exactly how I treated myself. And when you treat yourself that way, something so subtle begins to happen. You start expecting the same from everyone around you. More effort, more output, more excellence, more, period. And here's what that creates: pressure. Pressure for them, pressure for you. And underneath it all, somewhere deep in the subconscious basement, there is this fear there. If I'm not that, and if it if the identity of the workhorse is not the one that resonates with you, pick the one that resonates with you. If I'm not the workhorse, maybe I'm not good enough to be here. And this is where we start to shine a light on the pattern beneath the pattern. And what fascinates me about this so much is something that I just couldn't see back then. Of course I couldn't see it because I was living inside of it, right? So by the time that contract conversation happened, I was already a coach. I understood awareness. I understood behavior change. I understood insight. And still, that pattern was running in the background of my life because it was in the subconscious mind. I couldn't see it. And patterns don't just appear, just disappear, sorry, because we understand them intellectually. We can talk about them, we can understand them and still not change them. The pattern shifts when we notice them in real time. And this is something that has become very clear to me over the last decade. Leaders don't usually have behavior problems, they have pattern problems. Most leadership development programs focus on the surface. Let's improve communication, let's delegate better, let's strengthen executive presence, let's be more confident in meetings. And again, all of these things are useful. They are all helpful. But often it's symptom management. If the pattern underneath hasn't changed, the behavior will eventually return. You can teach someone how to communicate clearly. But if underneath that is a people-pleasing pattern, their voice will eventually disappear again. You can teach someone to delegate. But if underneath that is this over-responsible identity, they are going to take the work back. You can teach executive presence, but if underneath of that is imposter thinking, their nervous system will still be anxious every time they walk into the room, which means that the deeper question is rarely, how do I fix this behavior? The deeper question is what pattern is driving the behavior? So here's how I like to think about things as a coach. This is where my brain tends to go in a different direction because when most people look at a challenge, they focus on the situation. And I used to too. I get it, I understand. They focus on the difficult conversation, they focus on the team problem, they focus on the decision that they're struggling with, they focus on the quote-unquote problem. But when someone brings a quote-unquote problem or a challenge into coaching, my mind doesn't stop at the situation. I'm more focusing on the person. I'm listening for something else. I'm listening for the pattern. What is the belief underneath it? What is the identity shaping it? What is the story that the brain keeps repeating? Because behavior is on the surface. If you think about the image that's coming to my mind is like an iceberg, right? Like you see the ice on the top of the ocean. So of course you can work to avoid the ice, but below that is a whole lot of ice. And in that ice, as it relates to the whole person, is that that's where our beliefs, our assumptions, our fears, our worries, all of that really beautiful, deep stuff, that's where that lives. And that's where behavior comes from. Patterns are the operating system. And once you see the operating system clearly, something powerful happens. You have choice. And when you have choice, you have freedom. When you have freedom, you have feelings of liberation. So why do patterns keep showing up? Well, this is where understanding how the brain works makes this easier to see. Our brains are wired for survival. They're wired to keep us alive. They are not wired for transformation. Now, one of the frameworks that helped me understand this more clearly was called, is called the motivational triad. This is where your brain constantly works to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. So that often looks like let's just keep doing what we did yesterday and not step outside of that safety, that internal safety that we think we feel, that discomfort, and do something in service of the future we want to have tomorrow. Our brain also runs a prediction, which means that if something worked before, your brain wants you to do it again because it knows it works and it wants to do it again and again and again. And that's how patterns form. The brain identifies the strategy that helps you succeed and says, Great, let's repeat that. Let's do that. And the challenge is that the strategy that helped you succeed earlier in life may eventually limit you. You've heard me say this before, and this is me hand on heart feeling the same thing too: like what got you here won't be the thing that gets you there. We have to do something different. And in this case, an over-responsible leader will continue to attract situations where everything lands on their shoulders until they become someone else. The people pleaser will continue to surround themselves with people who need pleasing. The high achiever will keep placing themselves in environments where more output is always required. That's what I did. It's like ask me how I know, because I did all these things. Because the identity stays the same. So the brain keeps collecting evidence to confirm the story. Yes, this is who you are. You are the workhorse. And the loop continues, which creates this self-fulfilling prophecy. And this is why I want to talk about why knowing isn't enough. Like, have you ever noticed how often we say as a human species, I know what I should do, and yet we don't do it. And that's because there is a difference between knowing and rewiring. They are two different things requiring a different process. And your nervous system prefers the familiar, going back to the brain, even when the familiar isn't helpful, because the familiar is so predictable, and predictable feels safe. Predictable means safe. So even when we consciously want to change, our nervous system pulls us back toward the pattern that we know best. Like it takes active work to change who you are, which is why awareness matters so much. Patterns don't disappear because we're smart or we're intelligent. I think I'm a pretty smart person. And still, I have patterns. Patterns shift when we finally see them clearly and when we recognize how much disruption it's creating in our lives. So now I want to talk a little bit about interrupting the pattern. Transformation rarely happens in a dramatic moment. It happens in small moments, small interruptions, moments of awareness, moments of pause, moments of choice. When it looks like sometimes it looks like saying no when your identity wants you to say yes. So if you get the phone call from the person that you're so used to saying yes to, but you say no. Sometimes it looks like resting when your identity wants you to push. So if you've ever grown up with the belief that uh resting is lazy, you might know uh you might know that one. And so you will hear that in the background, and you have to actively choose to interrupt the pattern. Sometimes it looks like asking a different question. When your brain is serving you up a beautiful thought, it's actually okay, maybe take that thought and answer it and come to an insight to help you interrupt the pattern for yourself. And one of the simplest practices that is incredibly basic that I learned along the way that has been so life-changing is the power of the pause to breathe intentionally for two minutes, a few times a day. It's not a big ask. And that tiny pause creates space between stimulus and response, between the part of you that feels something and the verse and the the behavior, the choice, the identity that you want to lead with. And that space is where change begins. Okay, now I want to touch on something that's incredibly important here, which is an idea of discomfort as information. Because one of the most important lessons that I've learned over this last decade is this discomfort does not mean something is wrong, even though we feel like it is, even though our discomfort, there are many of us, myself included, I've I can look back and see how I did this so quickly. Is if I feel discomfort, let me just go and do something else so that I can avoid that feeling. And discomfort doesn't mean that, it often means something is expanding, your identity is evolving, your nervous system may be encountering unfamiliar territory. Your old pattern could be loosening its grip. So I invite you to think about this concept of discomfort is information, but just like feelings. Feelings aren't always true, thoughts aren't always true, beliefs aren't always true. We have to build the muscle to really sit with that, question it, be curious about that, and be willing to see it as information, as data, but not instruction. Discomfort is not instruction, but it's information. And this brings me back to what coaching really is. Because after 10 years of coaching leaders around the world, one thing has become incredibly clear to me. And I want to be really straightforward and honest about this, because I've given a lot of thought to this. People do not pay me for my time at all. That is not what they come to coaching for. They come to coaching for clarity, they come to coaching for relief from something that has been weighing on them. They come to coaching for the acceleration of their growth. They come to coaching because they have a vision, a dream for their life that they want to bring to reality. They come to coaching because they want to work with someone who is willing to see the pattern that they can't yet see. That's why I work with a coach. I always want to know what's in my blind spot. If it's in my blind spot, I just can't see it. And coaching at its best, the way that I love to think about it is it helps people see what was invisible. And once that pattern becomes visible, that choice appears. And once choice appears, that loop that's been looping in your brain somewhere, some has somewhere new to go. And so 10 years later, 10 years into this work, here's what I can say. I see leadership very differently. Leadership development isn't just about strategy, it's about consciousness, it's about understanding how your mind works, it's about recognizing the patterns shaping your decision, it's about choosing a new identity when the old one no longer serves you. And perhaps more importantly, it's realizing something deeply liberating. You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. Your system is simply running the programs it used to run. And once you see them, you can choose to feed yourself a new program. Just like I did years ago when I called myself a coach and I felt like my insights were visible to the world. I didn't know where that path would lead, but I trusted something deeper than certainty. And every leader that I've worked with since then has reinforced the same truth. Self trust grows every time we listen to the quieter voice instead of the louder fear. And so I want to leave you with a question today. What identity have you been carrying? For years that might be shaping how you treat yourself. Is it the workhorse? Is it the fixer? The achiever? The one who always holds everything together? What if that identity helped you succeed? And what if it's also the very thing ready to evolve? Because growth doesn't happen by accident. It begins with awareness. Now, if today's conversation about patterns resonated with you, one place that you might start is by exploring your inner boardroom. What I mean by that is in the positive intelligence framework, those voices are called saboteurs. They're the patterns in our thinking that develop to protect us and over time begun begin running the show. I will include a link in the show notes to the saboteur assessment and to the TED Talk, 17-minute watch. It's worth it. And it is such a beautiful and simple way to start seeing the patterns that shape your leadership. And if you take it, I would genuinely, genuinely love to hear what you discover. But I also want to say that many of the stories and reflections that shape this podcast, the episodes, actually begin as emails that I write to my community. They're the moments in between episodes, the memories that resurface, the realizations that land unexpectedly. And if you enjoy these conversations, you will enjoy those reflections too. You can join my email list through the same link in the show notes. And every once in a while I will send something thoughtful your way, a story, a reflection, a question that helps you see your own pattern a little bit more clearly. So with that, I invite you to stay curious. I invite you to if this work, if this episode has resonated with you, I would love for you to share it with someone who might need to hear it. Because that's what we're all doing here together anyway, is helping each other and walking each other home. So until next time, stay curious. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. I hope that you're walking away feeling more aligned with your true self, more confident in the choices ahead, and ready to leave the safe path behind, knowing you've got everything you need within. Remember, the journey to you isn't about finding one perfect direction. It's about trusting yourself enough to explore all of it. If you're ready to dive deeper, join me for the next episode and don't forget to subscribe so that you never miss the next step on your path. I invite you to join my mailing list at www.cynthia jamisoncoach.ca, where we'll deepen our relationship and you can claim your copy of your inner compass, a guide to charting your course to authenticity. Until next time, stay unfiltered, stay true, and most importantly, stay you.