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The Evolution of Culture and the Importance of Adaptation in the Context of Generational Trauma

• Dr. Roldan • Season 3 • Episode 9

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Dr. Elizabeth Sanchez-Urvisu, a geek therapist, joins Dr. Sara Roldan on the Oroasis Podcast to discuss the importance of incorporating geek culture into therapy and the challenges of parenting in the context of generational trauma. They explore the need for self-care for parents and the cultural barriers that prevent many from seeking therapy. They also touch on the topics of cultural appropriation and the importance of creating a therapeutic space that is inclusive and respectful of diverse cultural backgrounds. The conversation explores the importance of culture, identity, and the evolution of language. It emphasizes the need to understand and respect different cultures, while also acknowledging the complexities and challenges of cultural appropriation. The speakers discuss the significance of self-acceptance and finding a sense of belonging within different communities. They also touch on the power of storytelling and the importance of accurate representation in media. The conversation concludes with practical advice on finding the right therapist or mentor and creating boundaries for personal growth.

  • Parenting in the context of generational trauma requires reparenting oneself and breaking the cycle of harmful parenting practices.
  • Cultural barriers and misconceptions often prevent parents from seeking therapy, highlighting the need for community-based mental health initiatives.
  • Cultural appropriation in therapy can be harmful and disrespectful, and it is important to educate oneself and be mindful of the roots and significance of cultural practices.
  • Creating a therapeutic space that is inclusive and respectful of diverse cultural backgrounds is crucial for effective therapy.

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Speaker 1:

Hello beautiful souls and welcome to Oroasis Community Podcast. I am Dr Roldan, your host. I am a doctor in clinical psychology, a BIPOC therapist professor and a mindful somatic coach. While I am a therapist, remember I'm not your therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health care, but we have resources in our website and Instagram to support you in that search. Join us for a cozy, felt conversation about mental health, personal growth and mindfulness. We explore tools to care for your mind, your body and your soul. Check the footnotes for disclaimer, trigger warnings and additional resources for each one of the episodes.

Speaker 1:

So grab your favorite cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, wrap yourself in a warm blanket and find a coffee spot here with us to be kind, to be brave, loud and strong in your search of mental health wellness. Welcome to your Oasis, welcome everybody. This is Dr Roldan at Our Oasis podcast. So come and sit with us and grab your cup of tea or happy beverage to enjoy and warm your soul. So, today, happy beverage to enjoy and warm your soul. So today we're going to go to one of my first loves in therapy.

Speaker 1:

I have one of a good friend, colleague and amazing doctor, dr Elizabeth. Thank you so much for being here and also just for the ones that are watching us in YouTube. No, I'm not in my sleep robe or in my robe to go to the bathroom and stuff like that. I just want to geek out with you guys. Hold on. So this is my Demon Slayer kind of kimono. And you say, why in the world are you wearing that? Because I have a special guest that I have to completely dress up for and that is Dr Elizabeth. Welcome, dr Elizabeth. Can you please tell the audience who you are and what you do and why I'm so geeking out so much with you?

Speaker 2:

Well, I am a major geek so I immediately thought that was the way. Is that the demon slayer thing? Uh, because I get so excited about that. I am a, uh, like you said, I get someone who uses geek, or, yeah, geek culture, into um the therapy session and even outside of it. I have started to do a lot of um, community presentations, um, and I am like trying to sneak in like geek culture in there, like asking about hobbies and stuff, because I realized I work. I guess my first love would be working with kiddos, but I can't work with kids and not work with the parents at the same time. So I worked a lot with parents and anytime I asked well, you know, what are your hobbies? What do you do for fun? How do you take care of yourself? It was always like, oh well, I take the kids to the park or something with the kids and then I'm like, well, that's great, you know you're enjoying your time as a family, but also like, what do you do for yourself?

Speaker 2:

like just for yourself, not for the kids, like to entertain them, and it was always like, just blank, looks like have no life like you know myself, like it's important, it's so important for us to like have a time to take care of ourselves and like sadly, I think there's this huge misconception about what a good parent is. So my parents are mexican, so I identify myself as a Mexican American and I think in the culture there is this sort of idea that when you're a parent, all your time has to be spent taking care of your kids. Otherwise you're a bad parent. Like why are you going out to dinner with your significant other If, like, without your kids? Why are you abandoning your kids? And like I had that. Like every time I mentioned that, like in the, in the presentations, that in the mental health presentations I do, parents are like yeah, that's the idea that comes to them and I'm like but that's not true, because if you do take care of yourself, you're showing your kids how to take care of themselves. You're actually a better parent. You might seem like you're not and you might feel bad because you're out there enjoying yourself without your kids, but like you have to like take care of yourself first.

Speaker 2:

I always like using the. I think I heard one of my professors say it in school Like have you heard of the airplane analogy of like you know, when you're in an airplane and they're going through the emergency procedures, they're like, okay, if you're traveling with a kid, you need to put on your own airmasters first and then work with, you know, and then the kids. But I had a parent the other day. Well, it's instinctive, like I just want to protect my kid, and I was like, yeah, but if you pass out, who's going to take care of your kid? And it's the same thing Like if you don't take care of yourself, like you know, physically, or like your mental health, like who's going to take care of your kids? If they're your priority, you should take care of yourself. So I'm like a huge, I would say, advocate to like geeking out. I'm like this is good for your mental health.

Speaker 1:

So yes, I highly encourage everyone to geek out.

Speaker 1:

Right. So you touched two things. Number one we talk about geeking out. So geeking out means using pop culture, such as movies, video games, in comics and fandom, to find a release in your emotional state or self-care.

Speaker 1:

Now the second part I just kiss is that parenting it's a hot topic right now. When we go no contact with parents and kids go no contact with parents because guess what, guess what we didn't take care of them. We take care of their basic needs, but we never taught them how to, to to take care of themselves and we were so stressed out that we didn't have time to love them, to care them. You know, I will put in the notes, uh, the hierarchy of needs of muscle I'm gonna butcher the name, but muscle, uh, I'm also a Latina, half Mayan, half um mestiza.

Speaker 1:

I'm the good guys and the bad guys, you know. So I'm Spanish and Mayan and what I learned is that when parents are trying to parent, a lot of them they have to reparent themselves, right, and a lot of them they have such a broken tools or blueprints or broken books to teach how to be a parent. Nobody teach you how to be a parent, so it's like try and error, right, but we're talking about a human being and that try and error is also in yourself. And when I hear I used to work with kiddos too. I love the teens and that's how I started doing a geek therapy, because you know how do you talk to a teenager that's 13 and raving hell it's like why are you so angry? I don't know. Like why are you I?

Speaker 2:

don't know.

Speaker 1:

Right. But if I told them, hey, do you know why we're any stronger? Oh, my gosh, yes, because of this and this. And they're not like uh--huh, uh-huh. So that is like what we call a parasocial uh technique, that a lot of us, we have this relationship with fictitious characters, that we identify our life with their life. But it's easier to talk, for example, to tasme, that they went to horrible trauma, losing their whole family, and also her body changed.

Speaker 1:

I use a lot of that story to talk to kiddos that have lost parents due to, like, war and their bodies have either been burned or mutilated due to that. So they're like, they feel like little monsters, like Tasumi. So that's why I love her so much, because she's so innocent and also when she gets in a really stressed situation, she goes out in her child. That's why she was in baby mode, but that was the geek for everybody that didn't know. But let's talk about self-care for parents and how that affects the whole generational trauma, because I know now in social media that is a big buzzword. But what do you think about generational trauma and how that affects our effectiveness to be a parent?

Speaker 2:

Well, you kind of said it already. You said that we have like sort of broken blueprints of how to parent, and I think like part of the difficulty or like, yes, part of the difficulty of being like a mental health provider in general, is that you understand the reason why and it's so hard just to be angry at your parents for not being good parents because you understand why, like they weren't good parents because they didn't have good parents and they didn't have good parents because their ancestors didn't. So it's like this whole thing that goes back like years and years and years thing that goes back like years and years and years. And so recently I've been doing a lot more research, because I was nine when we moved to the US, so before then it was sort of like I lived in Mexico with my parents and then. So I never felt like I fit in here or there and I never really considered myself like Mexican or American. But then I found geek culture and I was like I am definitely a geek.

Speaker 2:

And now I'm trying to connect more with my own culture because I'm going through my own sort of like you know, healing process and I'm finding out, like that our you know ancestors like way, way back before we were colonized, they had like so many things that we have now that were forgotten, and there's so much wisdom and knowledge that didn't get passed down, because everyone was in survival mode. Uh, foreigners came in and a lot of changes happened and then so everyone was like in survival mode, like, and the way to survive was to assimilate to the powerful. You know, whoever was in charge and like, whatever their culture was, whatever their beliefs were, whatever, um, their the color of the skin was, that was what everybody wanted, because that's how you survived. And sadly, that changed a lot of things for us because, like, we weren't completely able to like remove ourselves from, you know, from being Indigenous or having Indigenous roots, because it's impossible, but sadly we tried.

Speaker 2:

But I think that's why we see so much. I don't know how it is in other countries, but I know in Mexico there's still a lot of like racism against like indigenous cultures because, like it's that ingrained, like there's no like specific reason, it's just this whole like oh, but they're lesser than us or whatever. And you take that back like how did that get than us, or whatever. And you take that back like how did that get started?

Speaker 2:

you know, um, and I'm not like completely blaming the spaniards and french and whoever else ended up in mexico, uh, because I know they were like different, you know, tribes of different communities in mexico. That were, you know, fighting against each other, but still um, you know, fighting against each other but still um well, instead of like continuing to grow.

Speaker 1:

Right, we, we got hindered from growing, so now I'm like trying to help my community grow and understand you know our roots, yeah, you do can say the colonizers did destroy a lot of the things, but we have I'm from Guatemala and Central America, right? So Mayan Aztec, not friends, right, like we are, we're against each other tribes, but we were fighting for resources and we were kind of accommodating a little bit, you know. But we were treated like savages because, technically speaking, for the other people that came and conquer us, they strip us from everything that was our cultures or traditions, or not religions, but kind of like a religion status that we have, or roots, like you say, and what that provoked. I came here as an adult already, to United States, but I didn't fit in with the Latino culture. Why? Because my Spanish is Castellano, so it's like from the Spain years. So I will go to shout out to UCSD and San Diego State, no matter what school I went. They were like oh, you're stuck up because you speak Spanish. Like that. I'm like no, that's the only one I know, dude. Like what are you talking about? Right, I really only know that one. So I had to learn I call Mexican Spanish.

Speaker 1:

But then my group it was the geeks, because they come in all colors, shapes and languages, and also I learned the redemption stories right Of, like the superheroes that they can like. I say you have a blue hero Like, who doesn't like that? But um, the part that was very telling to me is that, for example, magneto I love magneto from x-men because, uh, he went almost like for what my family went like uh, internal war, genocide and refugee. He just decided to like blood with blood, anger with anger, right, but he was in such a grief that he was trying to protect the mutants from the pain that he was feeling. But in that grief it blinded him of the methods that we have us using and it reminds me a lot of I have traveled around the world.

Speaker 1:

So no matter where you go in the Americas, the indigenous people share the same spectrum that parents will beat their kids, parents will insult their kids, parents will always try to tell you beat this, do that, that. That. And one research that was telling to me and it was like shocking, is like a lot of them, when they interviewed for this trauma that they have lived, they say I prefer it be me the one that beats up my kid to teach them how to resist, how to kind of become rough, than all the the life of the Caucasian people, or the conquistadores teach them. It got lost in translation through generation through generation, through generation, to the point that we never taught, or our parents were never taught, how to not beat their kids or how not to avoid life with alcohol, or workaholic or sexaholic, pictureholic right, all parents have some kind of holic, and then it's based in shame because they do know.

Speaker 1:

After a while it's like I should not be doing this, but I don't know what else to do, because I want my kid to be a good kid, because I want my kid to X, y and Z, and then, like I say, the report card for a study that nobody teaches you how to study for is passed when the children become adults and then they excommunicate their parents or they completely abandon their parents, or you have people-pleasing tendencies and you stay around, or parents are really toxic, that they also need to do a lot of work, sick, that they also need to do a lot of work. So, in our community, what are you trying to do or what are you experimenting with in order to bring that awareness? Because, without being kind of put in the stick, because you know when you try to say no parents. We can, we do something different. You get. Who are you talking like that? Why are you talking to your elders like that?

Speaker 2:

and you're like well, you know you know, I was, uh, I read a study, I think it was. It wasn't even a study, it was a, like an article that was written by a mexican, uh, therapist, and his point throughout the whole thing was like hey, hey, you can't sit in your office, you have to be a part of the community. And then that hit me so hard because I don't know how it is for other people. But even though I've graduated and I've been in the mental health field for so long and I talk about it nonstop with my family members, there's still the belief of if you go to therapy, you're crazy or it's only for crazy people, right?

Speaker 2:

and I'm like no, no, stop it. And I'm like tell my parents. And I'm like, no, no, you're like pushing people away. Those are my future clients. I can't say that and um, so I'm trying to like teach, but there's still like this sort of like like ingrain, of like you don't go to outsiders. You know to talk. And then so now that I'm making like this community presentations and of course they're free and like just random people come by, I'm starting to learn that it so I graduated quite recently, so the first few presentations that I did, I said, hey, my name is elizabeth, and then I just started talking and I forgot to talk about my credentials and my experience or education.

Speaker 2:

And then I was like why would anyone just listen to me, right? And then I asked that like on on the social media, the for the non-profit and one of the ladies that was in the second presentation answered and they were like because, because you were really nice and I was like one of us, yeah. And then they were like because, because you were really nice and I was like one of us, yeah. And then they were like because, then I remember like how, like my parents, like to them, it doesn't really matter, like what experience or how high in the you know scientific community you are, like it doesn't matter, like being part of the community you, that holds more weight than whatever some random doctor says. And then I'm like, well, they trusted me because I am part of their community, because I am trying to help and I have information to share that they don't have. And honestly, I feel like a lot more people than not we are seeking for a way out because we don't know Right. And of course, I'm working with the parents that are trying to be better parents. That's, you know, that's the proof of the come. But I'm hoping that if I start including more like you know the culture into it, or like do more fun activities here in my community, slowly people will start to understand that mental health is something really important.

Speaker 2:

That was something that we used to take care of, you know, way, way back in the day, and it was something important I read. I can't really remember if it was the Mayan or the Aztec because they all just sort of blend in together, but it was one of the two who had this belief that if you were struggling with something, the whole community was struggling. It wasn't just you, it's everyone else. And then so if you needed help, the whole community had sort of like a responsibility to help, because in turn that will help the whole community to like go back to being harmonious.

Speaker 2:

And then you mentioned earlier that when the Spaniards came to our countries they had this idea of what was better as a society, and that was money and power. But for us it was something different. It was being connected with nature, it was being in community, it was like taking care of our bodies and our minds and our souls, right. And so there's this. I think we're kind of moving more towards the trying to pay attention more to our minds now and not just our bodies, and I'm hoping we continue with that trend. But we still have a long ways to go.

Speaker 1:

Right, and to piggyback on that, yeah, the Mayans, for example. Right now I'm like I'm trying to make a connection between the more spiritual or woohoo coaches thing to therapy, to get whatever you need, but get the help that you need Sometimes we don't know. And that brings me to point to cultural appropriation. Now we see all a lot of like, you know, in social media. One that kicks me off is the cacao ceremony, because that is very Mayan and now a lot of like coaches and people will do the cacao ceremony because it is a sacred thing that we do to connect our mind, body and spirit, aka people will do that before going to the shamans, which the shamans are your spiritual guidance AKA your therapist, back in the day, right. So even in our cultures we have therapists. We have people that were the healers not only to your soul but also to your mind, and now we have this other kind of like appropriations of our cultures that they use to heal, which I appreciate, you know, I appreciate. Please, bring healing to people in any kind of form or shape, but educate yourself too about the roots of this.

Speaker 1:

I'm very respectful. I have a lot, I work with a lot. I mentor a lot of coaches specifically in cultural appropriation and why not? And a lot of them. I love that. They try you know, they say you know. I want to be respectful of that. Tell me more about this, tell me how to be respectful, tell me what this means and what this doesn't mean, and I appreciate that. But that also brings it to therapy. My point with this is like I have my Latino community that will go first to a coach to deal with depression, anxiety, society and do a cacao ceremony because he looks familiar to them than going to a therapist that is not very aware of their culture.

Speaker 1:

For example, I have one time when I was working in one of the big hospitals that have somebody that they put him like with a very severe mental illness, because he keeps saying I'm this animal, I'm transforming, but what he was trying to say in his little broken English, because they couldn't find somebody to speak the language, k'echi that was speaking, thank goodness I knew a little bit, not much, but I was like no, saying that, like you know, like not talking in word salad is not delusional, just saying I'm scared and I'm calling my spirits, like that's almost like saying to somebody I'm calling God and you're crazy because you're calling God, right, but bullet spirits, it's a different story. Right, and it was the therapist and the psychiatrist that unfortunately, they have never encountered somebody that was indigenous, that talk in a tongue and also that believe in spirituality, like that. I bring a little we call it limpia, you know in the room and stuff no, prozac, no, nothing. He was like I'm chill now, thank you so much. All he did is to know that the place that was going to stay, it was clean of whatever bad spirits felt that it came with and after that was okay.

Speaker 1:

Yes, you have kind of different traumas, but what I'm saying about this story and I modify the story a lot just because, you know, for, uh, hip purposes, but, uh, and I did have permission, since they want to share the story because this person, this client, was like please, please, please, share my story to all the clinicians that you can, to let them know that we believe in that instead of prayer, we do chanting, instead of like, uh, you know, uh, some pills. We want to try this first and then I will listen to you about the pills or I will listen to you about this kind of treatment, but what do you think about how right now it has blooming the whole like cultural appropriation or like um, and it's not differentiating on anybody but it's just for educational purposes, about people that actually talks about our culture without not knowing much about our cultures, which I feel that's what pushes parents away to get treatments.

Speaker 2:

Well, I have a lot of thoughts. So first I would like to, you know, agree with you that the way that we do psychotherapy now isn't really designed for people from our culture, and so people don't really feel comfortable, and I think we're making some progress in trying to figure out how to make that space you know better for them, but we are not quite sure yet. But also, when it comes to cultural appropriation, I was, I think I was on TikTok and I saw this Caucasian person who was talking about how just like, hey, honestly, we don't like, like, because a lot of like, there's a lot of discourse online how like, uh, caucasians don't have a culture, and they're like, yeah, we do have a culture, but it's kind of they're almost forced to not have that culture in order to like fit in with the rest, because it's not not like like all Caucasians or all white people are the same.

Speaker 2:

They like come from different countries, they have different histories, like it's completely different, but they're slowly like forced to to let that go. And I talk to my brother all the time about this because it's it's something that's like so weird to us, but a lot of people want to have a culture. A lot of those people were forced to leave their roots behind, just like we were forced to do that, because they again it was like a need for survival, and now they're, like in trying to appropriate cultures. Sometimes they're trying to identify and value cultures. They just go about the wrong way of doing it and uh, yeah, I think I completely agree with you like, if you want to please, like the more people that enjoy your culture and like participate in our beliefs, the better just be aware of you know what's actually like behind that and like what's the purpose of like certain rituals or like certain beliefs, and I think too, those those beliefs sort of like I think maybe they they started by being really good and great and throughout the generations they got a little twisted in what happened and how you do it. Like an example of that is, you know, children being obedient to parents. There is, of course, like an understanding of that, because parents are always like just listen to me and like because I said so, because they're trying to protect the children, but that's not really the best way to go about it, because kids are kids and they're like well, if you don't have an answer, then I'm just going to do whatever I want and like you always behavior or belief or like how he came about from like being like super twisted, you know, because of substance use or because you know of like trauma in the family and so much so. But yeah, I think it's just a matter of like educating ourselves more and asking, like just communicating, like, and I think that's one of the good things.

Speaker 2:

I think now, um, that's happening, uh, with social media, or like just being have like access to all these things is that people are more aware of you know what's good and not a good thing to do. You know they still have like those trolls online who, like you try something and they're like oh, you are doing this bad thing and like I'm offended on behalf of that culture and that culture is like we don't care. You know, like, um, an example that I give is, like, a while back, um, I think, um, I don't know what studio it was, but they were trying to get rid of Speedy Gonzalez, right, because he was offensive, yeah. And then we're like, yeah, but he's hilarious and we love him and we identify with him, you know, and we have nothing else. So, like, please, like, either replace him with someone or leave him, you know like, so like, it's a lot like that, and actually I would like to ask you a question about your thoughts on the term Latinx.

Speaker 1:

Oh gosh. Okay, by the way, yes, go battle that in the Instagram, but be nice to each other, please, please, please, please, um, so I'm in the middle line. What do I mean? As mayans, we know that our language was stripped away from us because it was punished. Um, in the sense of like.

Speaker 1:

In my country we we have 22 states. In each state we speak different languages. Right now, my country is one of the few that has kept the language alive, but in schools you're not allowed to speak any of that. Now we actually do, but back in the day, when I was going to school, no, you learn Spanish or you learn English or French, but it was never or cultural language. And then you move down here and you're like, really, you're going to take now another word out of me. I understand that is to make it inclusive, because we have to understand.

Speaker 1:

With every generation come different cultural appropriation, right. So Latino or Latina is part of my. I'm going to age myself 40 something year old self that I identify with that. But now if you call me Latinx, I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't identify myself with that, but I do understand why you're doing it. I totally respect that, especially because I come from a big family and in that family we also have Latinx, you know, and we need that identification and if that is why you want to be cool and that is what your new culture identify, it's like I will give you one back it's like we didn't exist. That is a new culture that has been created in us because we did not exist.

Speaker 1:

So if you told, for example, if you go to psychodynamics which is this for anybody that is not familiar with psychology psychoanalysis and psychodynamics are like the fathers of our education, right? Psychoanalysis is psychodynamics are like the fathers of our education, right? Psychoanalysis is like a Caucasian guy that was a psychiatrist, but we waste everything on that, right, and whatever your thoughts are about it, it's here nor there. But what I'm trying to say is, if you tell any psychoanalysis person I'm a geek, they literally look at you like what's wrong with you, like what is that? And I have seen that in the older generations. When they say, oh, yeah, it's Latinx and I'm like, no, it's Latina or Latino, because that's the only language that they identify themselves and also you're stripping them out of something else.

Speaker 1:

So when you, if you're a youngster and you want to be identified as Latinx. I also want you to stop just for a minute and see who is responding and how they're responding. It's not so much that they're not and don't get me wrong, there is some that they are totally doing because they don't respect that boundary of your pronouns and et cetera, but other ones is also the pain that you're taking away something else from them, and I know it's controversial, but think about that. A lot of our names were stripped, a lot of our words were stripped, a lot of our tattoos were stripped because they were not permitted, a lot of our hair colors. Everything was stripped from a lot of our indigenous people.

Speaker 1:

You know we are latinos and latinas and latinx. So I will say it's the new definition of the new culture that is evolving and because if you go to any of our latino countries and you say latinx, they look at you like and then you know, and not kidding, I went to recently and I said that right, and one of them was like, oh no, that's a gringo thing, we don't do that here. And I was like, oh okay.

Speaker 2:

You know Well, yeah, but like, yes, I agree with you that it's sort of like a new thing, like a new culture, a new way to like identify yourself, like identify yourself because, like, I kind of have issues even with the word latino, because I think my issues stem from the fact that, like, when I started grad school, I started trying to read more about my people, obviously, and, uh, my people were all lumped in together, like so it wasn't just mexican, it was everyone that spoke spanish, and I was like well, that's weird, because those are a bunch of different cultures, a a bunch of different like geographic locations, a bunch of like different political and cultural changes. They're not the same. Like why are you trying to lump us all together? And it gets a little bit hard. I think when someone identifies themselves as something, it's completely different than someone standing up on a podium and saying you're all Latinx now and I'm like no, I get to decide what I want to be or how I want to be identified, because it's different.

Speaker 2:

You know, like I, like I said I was nine when I moved here, so I don't really fully consider myself to be, like american, but I'm also not fully mexican, because when I go back to like visit my, my cousins and family in mexico.

Speaker 2:

I'm like whoa way different world not the same, you know and like part of what my struggle was to try to find sort of like my community is that I was always a nerd. I was always into reading and learning about things, and there weren't that many people, or like other Mexicans, that had like the same hobbies as I did, so I didn't connect with them either, you know, and, to be honest, I was trying to survive high school and middle school, so I didn't want to be seen as like too Mexican, um, or to like ghetto. So there was a lot of things that I sort of like stopped doing or like kind of like never thought about again, because I I wanted to to be seen, as you know, like an intelligent person, and that's not one of the uh descriptors that often comes along, for you know someone who comes from, you know my background.

Speaker 1:

And it also comes and I love you say that word, because before being a nerd and a geek was an insult. That's a pride.

Speaker 1:

Now it's a prideful thing to say yeah, I'm a geek and proud of it, right, and it's like you don't get throw eggs or anything like we used in high school, which for me was a huge cultural shock, because in my country we respect nerds and geeks. So when I came here I was able to be geek out myself until not tomorrow when I was back home. But when I came here it was shame and it was so. I came here in the 2000s just to give it the beginning 1999, right In that period of like extraneous things and being a geek, it was shameful, it was not okay, except being somebody that liked manga and anime, and that's why I love that. That's why when I came, that was my saving grace when I came here to the United States, because everything else it was not permitted, especially for a female. And the other thing is that's a perfect example of how language changed with time and identifiers changed with time. Right, and we can go through history too, even in the in the United States, because when you have, my mentors are Afro-American and I learned everything about Afro-American culture because in my head I was like identify a lot with you guys, because I come from a genocide in my country. We were like stripped, you know, if people just do have a fun, read, read about the experiments in Tuskegee, where they experiment with syphilis in my country, just to see how people react, right. So that was the American came to my country to do that, right, because we were look as less than human.

Speaker 1:

But what I'm trying to say with that is, like when you learn more about your roots, one thing that's going to happen to you is that you're going to get really pissed. Another thing that you're going to happen to you, you're going to modify a lot of things because, like the stages of grief, right, denial is when we want to be assimilated. I'm like you know, I have blonde hair and poopy lenses, are blue, and because I want to be assimilated denial then it comes the anger. So it's like man, I changed everything about myself and I still not accepted. I'm not accepted here, I'm not accepted there. We call it uh, michana nihuana, you know, like it was, like they were not all there, uh. And then it comes the depression, where you just want to find a group that is neither your origin group nor the one that you're living in. In this case, for us it was the geeks, because the geeks are the outcast kind of self but also the super cool. So it's like that symbiotic thing that is mind-blowing to me, because you have the coolest superstars and also the super nerdy ones together and then evolve even more with the self-acceptance.

Speaker 1:

And when a self-acceptance comes, like Latinx, I want to be called this because this is what I identify with. And, yes, I was like you, I will throw a fit. If you call me Mexican, because I was like I'm not Mexican, what's wrong with you people? Or if you call me Latino, I'm like no, I'm Hispanic, like hello with you people. Or if you call me Latino, I'm like no, I'm Hispanic, like hello. And it was all these things until I learned that if I go to Miami, they will call me Cuban. If I go to Washington, for some weird reason in Washington, they will call me Puerto Rican. And I was like what? Because you call people what you only supposed to and what you know Right. So, because you call people what you're only supposed to and what you know right.

Speaker 1:

So, all that said, that when you get called certain names, also understand that they come with a power. Words have power on you, but also we can take that power out. That's why, like I said, with my Afro-American culture. In a lot of the raps and things, they use a derogatory name for them, but it's okay if they say it, but it's not okay if we say it, and people always get so angry about it. But like do you understand why, though? It's like taking the power that was taken away from them, and in my culture we have something similar that is called similar, that you're allowed to say certain words. That is only in your words, but if you don't know the language, you can't right. So I think that's the grief, when we become angry at everything because we have been stripped up so many things, which brings me back piggyback to like the parenting Give a break to your parents.

Speaker 1:

They're not the perfect ones, I get it, but at the same time, giving a break doesn't mean giving permission. This is the difference between boundaries, rules and pleads. A boundary is not for the other people, it's for you. It's for you. My boundary is like I'm not going to permit somebody call me X, y and Z, so I'm not going to tell the person, because if I told the person, then it's like I'm asking you a rule, please do not call me that If they violate that rule, it's my boundary to leave or stay. And then it comes the plea Please don't do that, please don't do that, please don't do that. And when the plea is not heard, you don't feel seen, you don't feel hurt, and then you get hurt.

Speaker 1:

And that's the beauty about therapy, right? And how can you argue with somebody that's a vampire? Or how can you argue when you have a dragon? That is the one that's struggling with depression? So easy to talk about. And don't get me wrong, I go to and, as Dr Elizabeth knows, we both shared a passion to go talk about representation. And we go to Comic-Con, wonder-con, la-con. They may wear their geeking out, but we're also talking about representation, accurate representation. Why accurate? Because Indigenous people, we have been forgotten. We have been forgotten in a way, like you know, like you say, well, with Speedy Gonzalez, I get it, we grew up with him, but the representation of him is not the representation of every single one of the cultures, like you say in Mexico, over and over, if we don't create boundaries around it, meaning if we don't tell ourselves, like you say, I want to learn about my culture. I really do, and it's so much to learn too.

Speaker 2:

Well, it's this sort of like weird thing. Like you said, it is like history will repeat itself, because sometimes you encounter people who are just angry at the world and they don't know why. And I'm like, well, let me tell you the history of your ancestors. You have a right to be upset about everything that was done to your people. And so I, part of my culture, it's in my DNA to love stories and storytelling, and I love history because it's just basically a bunch of stories.

Speaker 2:

But I, for the longest time, I refused to learn more about the history of mexico and I didn't even think about it, right, but then, when I did force myself to start thinking about it is because I knew I was going to be sad and I didn't want to be sad. I was like, I know the history of my country is like so sad because so many bad things happen to us and sadly continue to happen. And uh, and I'm like I, just I, and it's just this very like, um, you say like this grief of like what can I even do? Like like my people have suffered so much. But I think that's why I'm like trying to emphasize like how important it is to connect with the good parts of our culture that have been forgotten, right and to identify with those and almost in a sense, create a new culture.

Speaker 2:

Because, um, I remember one time I was talking to my parents and we were talking about um. So I lived in mexico up until I was nine, so there was a like slight memories that I have about you know how christmas was celebrated and I had a community reacted, yeah, and, and my mom, or my both of my parents, were talking about how sad it was that it wasn't like that anymore. And I was like, yeah, I remember having so much fun, and now it's like people don't like do things in community anymore and I'm like, yeah, that's kind of sad. And then I was thinking about it like, well, would it be better if a culture never changed? And I'm like, no, because there's things about my culture that I don't like.

Speaker 1:

And those need to change right now.

Speaker 2:

Right. So culture is, like it's not a static thing, it's something that's constantly evolving. So if you identify yourself as Latinx, or as Latino or Latino or Mexican or Hispanic, you know Hispanic, whatever it is like, there are good parts about your culture and bad parts about culture. So, like it's, you know it's good for us to start working on, you know, improving and you know, ensuring that our culture flourishes right, because the only way that our culture flourishes right, because the only way that our culture is going to survive, is that we adapt and develop. And I think for the longest time there has been this sort of like resistance, um, in the mexican culture, to to change, and I'm like, but it's good, and we cannot have to drag people like kicking and screaming and be like, no, because you, you have to understand that not everyone identifies as he or she, and that's's okay, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and also the part that, not only that, but not everybody goes to therapy. Some people go to coaching, some people go with shamans, some people go to their padrecito or spiritual guy, you know. But we have to understand the roots of it. And in order to learn history also, I challenge you, history depends on the eye of the and in order to learn history also, I challenge you, history depends on the eye of the beholder, why?

Speaker 1:

One thing that I do, that I love is traveling around the world. Right, I'm very prideful that I have gone to 98 stamps I almost got the 120 that our passports give us, um, and what I learned is the history of our countries. Depending on what country is telling, it is so different. Like I go and learn the history of the pre-Hispanic, of Mayan and Aztecs in Mexico, totally different to the one that we have in Central America. You go to Brazil completely different. You go to Spain, it's completely different. And then you come here in the United States. I'm like what happened? It's completely erased.

Speaker 1:

At least in Spain they say something you know, but and then it's actually depends, right, but one thing that I have noticed in all history third spaces, community spaces are important to develop change are important to develop change, to develop peace. And when I say peace, peace requires some shaking right, and that shaking is like I don't feel comfortable with that. I don't feel comfortable with that change. Like back in the day, women, we cannot do what we're doing, talking about our feelings and talking about other people and stuff like that oh, my goodness, that's gossiping, we don't do that right. Or having a male therapist, that's all her off.

Speaker 1:

So we have to evolve and change because it's that, like you say, we have to bloom and, um, kind of like the flowers behind me, right, when you bloom and mix different blooms, you come with different colors of the same flower. Is the the same flower? No, not anymore, because you expose them to two different ones. So now you create a new one. So for everybody out there listening what it will be three nuggets that you will give them to say if you need to go to therapy or if you need to choose a coach or a guy, a mentor, how can you pick one that resonates with you more? Give them three nuggets specifically for our culture.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that was hard. The only one that really comes to mind, and I think the most important one, is that, as long as you feel, feel comfortable with them, it doesn't matter what letters come after their name. If it's a master's degree, if it's a phd or whatever you know, md, yeah, it doesn't matter. Because if you have because even in therapy, like, the most important thing is the relationship that you build you between the client and therapist, and if you're able to, you know, feel safe in an environment with a coach, you're going to get a lot with that coach. Right. If you can find it with a doctor, you're going to do great with a doctor.

Speaker 2:

And the other thing to keep in mind is that sometimes, even though you love this person and you've made so much progress, sometimes you need to leave them behind so you can continue growing, because everybody, we have something different to offer and it's not always the same, like, even though we're, you know, very similar in some ways and we geek out and everything. I'm pretty sure the way that you do therapy is completely different than the way I do therapy, right, and I like it's okay, like I'm like telling my clients you feel comfortable, we continue. If not. I find your referrals not a problem, because that's the most important thing is that you feel safe and comfortable with that person.

Speaker 1:

And I always say you have to create your dream team, meaning you need a coach, you need a therapist, you need a spiritual guidance, you need a mentor, and those have to change with the growth that you're. Remember when I said you need to be shake and that shake, every shake, it creates a new rock, it creates a new peak in the mountains. That's why we have earthquakes, right. Um, by the way, we're from california, so earthquakes are our thing. Uh, talking about growing pains and just to piggyback in, what you said is, the most important thing is the therapeutic alliance that you have, and I challenge you to go find somebody that is a little more different to you, because you can learn from them and they can learn from you. The other thing is true Every therapist is like when you find one therapist, you find one therapist. What do I mean? Yes, we all have different specialties. I know when you go and try to psychology today and why not? It says depression. It has the same list because you have to check it.

Speaker 1:

But, for example, in my case, even though I am a geek, I'm a somatic therapist and I specialize in complex trauma, right, and I specialize with our heroes or heroes, and on top of that, I use new techniques such as utilizing video games as self-suit and self-care. But I'm with you, doctor, that the title is not important. The connection is what is more important. So my challenge to all my listeners that are out there know that my community and Dr Elizabeth's community were created because we want to create their spaces for you. My space is created to any shape or form of person to come to be brave, to show yourself how you are, even when you don't know who you are, and then to be kind, not to others, to yourself, because we have brutalized ourselves so much, and to be loud about.

Speaker 1:

I have found my people like kids, like therapists, like Latinos, mayans, indigenous, and to go and sprinkle around the knowledge that you have without harm, because sometimes we become a little firstborn about what we want to teach or why we want to share, because we're like, we're so excited but we are also so angry, and for all my parents out there and all the kids and adults that they have strained relationships with them, for X, y and Z. Therapy is a way to heal and we will put in the comments and in the notes of this episode. You will have some resources, also some worksheets that may help you to identify. Do I have a strained relationship with my parents? Because sometimes we don't even know? And also, just because they share your same blood doesn't mean we have to put out with a lot of abuse and that exists. Yes, we can be compassionate to understand where it's coming from, but we don't have to stay insupported. So any last words, dr Elizabeth.

Speaker 2:

Yes to everything you said. I second it. I completely agree.

Speaker 1:

And if you want to see us, we will be in WonderCon doing panels and we also we probably will be in Comic Con and LA Con. So stay tuned for those, for both of us, and if they want to find you, where they can find you, dr Elizabeth yes, so we are officially a non-profit now and like registered and everything.

Speaker 2:

So you can find us at psychology for geekscom or psych, the number four geeks on pretty much any social media. And yeah, we're like you said, we're trying to build a like a safe space community, like a place where we can geek out and learn more about mental health, because we all need, like you know, have that space that supports. So, yeah, come and join us.

Speaker 1:

And I will put all the information down below with Dr Elizabeth and if you want to tune on more, please follow her YouTube channel, her podcast and the same with us. We have YouTube channel and our podcast and you can see also our geek adventures in there. We have a special episodes, especially Dr Elizabeth. I highly recommend. If you want to learn more about geek therapy about what is a geek, how to be a geek and how to be accepted and love please go and watch her YouTube channel and her podcast. And until next time, please go. Shine like the supernova and superstar that you are. Remember, be kind, be loud, be proud and all parts of you are accepted.

Speaker 1:

As we conclude today's episode, take a moment to reflect. Be proud of the journey, for every step that brings you closer to who you truly are. Embrace the kindness towards yourself, as you did to each one of our guests. Honor the bravery in your actions and celebrate the importance of mental wellness with us, and remember it's an exercise that we practice daily. Continue to grow and flourish, knowing that we are in this training for our mental wellness together. We are so proud to have you as part of our community, so join us on Instagram at Oasis Community Podcast for more inspiring conversations, valuable resources and supported content, including journals, worksheets and content in Spanish.

Speaker 1:

Exciting things are in the horizon. Our Oasis Community break rooms are coming soon to grab tools and take a break for your mental health. Are coming soon to grab tools and take a break for your mental health. Also, we are featuring our six-month training ethical mental health coaching program, designed for new and experienced coaches, as well as holistic and healing professionals. Enroll to create a safe and transformative experience to your clients. Links in the bio. Until next time, take care, stay connected and welcome to our Oasis community.