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Building Bridges: The Power of Female Mentorship

• Dr. Roldan • Season 3 • Episode 13

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Disclaimer: It's essential to note that while I am a therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. The stories and discussions shared here are meant to inform and inspire but should not replace professional advice or support. 

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Loneliness isn't just about being alone; it's about feeling unseen and unappreciated. In this episode, we sit down with Valerie Lin, co-founder of the Mentors Collective, to explore her inspiring journey from a dark period in her life to becoming a guiding light for others. Valerie opens up about how a personal development book sparked her path to recovery, and we discuss the often-overlooked role of informal mentors who guide us without us even realizing it. Valerie’s candidness reveals the challenges and triumphs women face in seeking mentorship outside of traditional environments.

We dive deep into the importance of building meaningful connections through shared experiences. Reflecting on personal anecdotes, we explore the concept of Galentine's and how celebrating self-love has fostered communities of powerful, diverse women. My journey from skepticism to embracing the warmth of female-centric spaces underscores the impact these connections can have. We also discuss how launching a podcast during the pandemic led to deep, lasting friendships, proving that persistence and openness can turn isolation into opportunity.

Finally, we cover the critical intersection of inner work and external support in achieving personal and professional growth.

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Speaker 1:

Hi, I am Valerie Lin and I am the co-founder of the Mentors Collective, which is a mentorship business for women, and I also just love to mentor women in one-on-one private client scenarios and I also am a podcast host and I just love working with women in their leadership and their mentorship and everything that comes along with it.

Speaker 2:

Welcome everybody and everything that comes along with it. Welcome everybody Once again. Get your cozy spot, get your happy beverage. And today I have an amazing mentor and woman, all the things, and we are going to talk about how important is mentorship for your mental health and to thrive and to be the best version of you. So, for all further ado, please let me introduce to you Valerie. Hi, valerie.

Speaker 1:

How are you? I'm good. Thank you so much. I always get like so humbled and a little embarrassed when I get introduced because it's like, oh my gosh, this is such a nice way to like welcome me into the space. So thank you for having me.

Speaker 2:

Of course. Thank you for coming in shining some light to all our listeners about what is important to have mentors and also how to pick a mentor. A lot of people don't know how to pick a mentor unless you have gone through high school and college. Sometimes they think about those kinds of mentors, but when we're in the outside world, as women. How can we find a mentor, and what is that important? Can you tell us a little bit about your story? How are you here?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know, mentorship is this term that we hear and we often just associate it with, like business or corporate spaces. But the thing about mentorship is really it exists in so many ways. You could probably reflect back in your own life and think about people who maybe weren't officially mentors for you, but somehow did something that helped guide or teach you or remind you of the spark inside of yourself. I mean, crystal's a really great example of this right, and so for me, I was always that good girl growing up and kind of wanted to fit in this box. I was really quiet. It's so funny now because I feel like I'm very extroverted, turns out but I was always trying to just do what I thought everyone wanted me to do and I felt like I didn't really have a story. And so I went through a divorce and went through some things that were really in a dark season of my life and I feel like I always credit. Somebody had at one point given me a personal development book and to me it was like this re-ignition of what I was meant to do, and to me it was like this re-ignition of what I was meant to do. Something more is here for me, because I wouldn't say that I was necessarily suicidal, but I definitely wasn't living. I didn't necessarily want to live, if that makes sense. I just didn't have that in me.

Speaker 1:

And so, whether this person, she'll probably never know it in my lifetime, just because she's like a really big author, but, um, she was kind of a mentor for me. She was really a guiding light, and since then I've had so many women who have also helped bring me along the journey, and it's been, it's been game changing, um. And so now for me, what I love to do is I love to, of course, do the same for others, but I also want to inspire my clients to be better mentors themselves, because my belief is that the best leaders are great mentors. Soul's purpose, I feel like, is helping deliver some of that and helping other people be able to teach or guide or walk alongside of others, and I think it's really beautiful when we had people that that can kind of help show us the way. So that's kind of a, in a nutshell, like what it means to me. But yeah, it goes back many layers.

Speaker 2:

And just for our audience also. Just remember, if you're struggling with just ideation or severe depression, anxiety or just heavy life in general, we have all kinds of resources in the podcast notes. Also, if you need an awesome mentor, we are going to put the links for Valerie. We are going to put the links for Valerie. If you're searching for a little more professional help, meaning more in-depth, we also have resources for mental health therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists. So if you need all that help, please check in the notes and in the Instagrams too.

Speaker 2:

But, valerie, that is such a vulnerable and I know you brushed it a little through it but being in dark place when it's so hard to go and ask for help. One. Two the risk of getting a mentor. Because so, for example, in my case, right, I'm a clinician and we get trained very I call it military, we're very military, trained in the sense of like they break you in a way to rebuild you right. It's that breaking point, though, that is the most dangerous one, because if they're breaking you in your professional life and you're breaking in your regular life, I know two of my mentors.

Speaker 2:

I become a mentor for many college students and why not? Because my mentors. I have one that was horrible and one that was good. So my horrible one was the one like you, never accomplish anything. Compare yourself to others and because you know they want to create the best doctors that they can and they're old fashioned, break it until you make it kind of thing. And my good leader, as you call it, it was a dean. It is a dean and she is a power woman, you know, and she was like no, we can do this together and you know, always, since I was in community college until I graduated, she's still in my life. Or you, who was that person? You say this book saved my life and many of us. We have that kind of pivot moments where we have a book, a podcast, a mentor, a person. What else do you took? What steps do you took to get you out of that dark place, to get you to the amazing mentor that you are now?

Speaker 1:

Thank you for saying that, cause I feel like we're always on this journey and so I want to remind people too that you know, it's not like you ever and I say this in an inspiring way it's not like you ever hit the peak and then you're done. I was just talking with Chrissy about this on her podcast, actually, because there's always you get to the top and guess what? There's another peak you want to reach. So as a mentor, I feel so Again, so humbled, because every time I'm engaging with someone, there's so much for me to learn. So I just say that, knowing that I don't have it figured out yet, okay, and I hope I never do, because I want to always be learning.

Speaker 1:

But for me, the person At least I can share the book, for me was this book called you Are a Badass and it's by Jen Sincero and the reason it was so pivotal for me because it's really not I mean, it's a very easy read. It's got a cheesy title, okay, like this is not like something that they're going to assign you in high school or college and say this is a really like beautiful book. But for me, what it did was it showed me a woman who was unafraid of stepping out into her authentic leadership and using her voice, because in that book she uses curse words. She's talking to me as if I'm her high school friend. I felt so like I could relate to her, and it reminded me that I'm here for a different purpose. And so it takes that little bit just somebody somewhere along the line, even if you don't even know them, like reminding you of you, because somewhere underneath all of it, you have something there.

Speaker 1:

And so the other piece I want to say about this is that it takes sometimes many mentors, like it might not be just one, right, so you might have this like, ooh, I do remember that spark, I do remember the juice of my soul that this just churned something inside of me. But then it's a journey. It's like this uncovering, it's a peeling back of layers, and so I would say it took many things, and my journey didn't go from okay, dark and dealing with some real shit to completely renewed and recovered. It wasn't like that, because when you go from a cocoon to a butterfly, there's a lot of change, there's a lot of breaking down, there's a lot of discovering and reevaluating and adopting new beliefs, and that is hard. That's the hard work that nobody sees on the outside.

Speaker 1:

So it took several and I would say again, that book was one. But I had another mentor that she didn't even I don't know that she ever will realize the power that she had in my life and I try to articulate it to her now but who really believed in me and something that I wanted to do at work. I approached her and had asked her if I could come into a women's community and start an event and she just brought me along. And that also I just think of her even to this day and I love that journey because I feel like it just was the belief I needed. Somebody allowing me to share my vision and to see parts of it with me was game changing.

Speaker 2:

So for all the audience and if you're listening, ms sincero, we have an amazing people that wants to be in the podcast and once you come with our podcast, yeah, oh no, one day we're gonna make it happen. So, if you guys know, anything about social media is make a wish and it happens. Sooner or later it will happen. So, if any, uh, if our person from jenisneros is hearing, please connect with Valerie, change her life, and that is such a good PR. Just right there, right, and she also did.

Speaker 2:

You're a Badass Making Money and Every Day and Badass Habits which are easy peasy. Yes, they're very simple readings, but you know, sometimes we're wearing the dumpster. We need simple, we need practical, we need something to give us hope back, and I think that's what this book did to you. Yes, it was able to say, okay, something is not working. It used to, but it's not working. And now I want to practice these new tools and changing in my life and, of course, we hate change. Our brain is not designed to change. We like, even as toxic as it can be, we survive with the old tools, so we want to stay in those old tools. What kind of tools? You are now looking in retrospective, surprised that you're like oh my goodness, how nobody taught me this, how come I forgot about me doing this?

Speaker 1:

Oh, so many. I think one of the biggest that I've been working on and I still have a lot of work to do is understanding myself and how to regulate my emotions and really like get in touch with what I need and again like I'm working on this. I say that because it's been such a journey and we have these elements. I love working with women, too, on like what is holding you back, because we always have some version of self-sabotage, and so I'm still working on that. Being in any sort of relationship sometimes illuminates some of our shadows really brightly, and so that's what's been happening for me in a really good and healthy relationship. It's allowing me to heal some of those pieces of myself. But I never knew how to communicate some of what was going on with me, some of what I needed, just articulating those emotions and then saying this is what I'm feeling and this is actually what I think I need right now, and just that. It sounds so basic, but it's so hard. It's so hard to be seen in some of your vulnerability, and I think this is the case for a lot of motivated, ambitious women. We like to feel like we don't really need anything, and then sometimes we're martyrs or we strap on all these other things onto ourselves, all these masks, and so it's become a tool to start to label those things when they come up, those voices, and then to also again identify where how am I feeling today? And then starting to figure out what are some of those things that help me regulate.

Speaker 1:

I think the other surprising thing and we talked about this at Galentine's but I have always heard the power of community and network and, like your friendships, I did not understand the complete revolution that can happen when you have some amazing friendships in your life, and I didn't have a lot of them.

Speaker 1:

So growing up I didn't have a lot of friends. I was very like. It was a you know just typical like kind of controlled childhood and got good grades again, like back to being quiet, want to shrink and just do what my parents wanted me to do, got into some not good relationships and that was like my, that was my path. I didn't really have my own identity until later on and so I'd finally started forging these really good connections and I feel so much more held and calm and again confident, I suppose, because even if everything goes I don't know Even if my job were to go, even if my relationship right now were to go, I feel secure in the fact that I have a network. I have people that are fact that I have a network. I have people that are there that will support me and, more than that, I think I have a different layer of self-trust now than I ever did before.

Speaker 2:

And in the United States we have one of the highest crises of loneliness, even when we're around people, because loneliness is not about having company. Loneliness is about they don't see me, they don't respect me, they don't cheer me out. And for everybody wondering what is galentine's is the number one fresno self-love uh event that happens in february. I will put that also in the notes if you want to go. But yeah, that's what I. I met, met Valerie through them to. She's Made For More and other events and in there.

Speaker 2:

But it's like, you know, a transformation that you have when you get female parents that are powerful in the sense of being at peace. When I say powerful, I don't it doesn't mean we have CEOs in the group and we have people that is homemakers and we have people that just starting life from all ages, but it's the fact that they see you and I love one quote that they say they were like sometimes you need somebody that is as delusional as you are in order to accomplish the accomplishment Right. Have you ever seen this YouTube video when it says you know what is the most important thing in the leader? It's not the leader, it's the enticing that they do to the follower, meaning the second person that comes.

Speaker 2:

So they have a person dancing and everybody looks at it like OK, and then it's the second person that gives permission to everybody. So, believe it or not and I don't think Valerie really knows this Ashley andina were my permission to follow because I don't. I in the past I didn't believe in the woohoo thing. You know, like coaches, women, I'm a scientist, so it's like more, let me dissect your brain and see, yeah, but I have, I have this and I'm not saying in a dexter way at all, you know, not in the creepy way. I'm just saying you know, I know the brain is searching. Ashley and Valerie. We met back in the day when I think three years ago is when my journey started for finding female entrepreneurs and female love is over another females, because I was in such a environment of academia in competing with males, so I'm just saying the environment is not the most friendly one.

Speaker 2:

I went to an event that is for a podcast I listened for years that is called Empower Her, and then Valerie and Ashley were there. There Ashley was wearing this pink sequined suit and I was like, what are you wearing? And Valerie was just. If you have met Valerie, if you ever see her in any event, please go just to get a hug from her. She gives the most amazing hugs that they squeeze all the negative energy out of you literally. So she didn't even know me. She just hugged me and I was like who is this woman? And I think she said, oh, I just love what I think. And she said, oh, I love how you smell. It's like how are you so close that you can smell me? And it was this perfume that is called Cozy. And I'm like, okay, I guess the perfume works. Shout out to Gray.

Speaker 2:

But sometimes when we go to rooms that we're terrified to go because we're thinking women are going to judge us, women are going to destroy us, they're going to be catty, etc. Or our own shadow work, right, that is like I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not young enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not young enough, I'm not successful enough. And then we go to places like where Valerie and Ashley were, where it's just a sea of women that all there are just to love you and care for you. And from there, I have to say, I become very good friends with people that now are my best friends. Some of them are my mentors themselves. So for you, what was that pivotal time where you were like yes, I have my gang of friends, I have my little community of women and now I can give back because I have healed enough to go give back.

Speaker 1:

That's a really good question. I feel like for me it maybe was a little different, because I think it happened over time, I don't know that I had one community like you were talking about, kind of like you finally found this group and everyone really saw you. I had been part of groups that I could kind of feel that with and I would feel this sense of camaraderie sort of, but it wasn't actually the group that I would end up would feel this sense of camaraderie sort of, but it wasn't actually the group that I would end up creating a ton of connection from. I think I did. You know, I did make some connections. I'm not going to say I didn't, but I kind of share that. For the woman who maybe is like, okay, I've been to some networking things or I've been part of companies or whatever, and I don't think it's always a one size fits all, like you're not always going to walk in and everyone's going to understand you.

Speaker 1:

I think it was a slow unfolding, but I do feel like there were some people who really saw me when I started my podcast. So I started a podcast back in during the pandemic. You know, everything was crazy. We all know how that was and I was like just researching leadership because I was very interested about positive leadership. And I caught on to Gary Vaynerchuk For anybody who knows Gary Vee, I got onto this random call of his and I was talking to him about it.

Speaker 1:

He's like you need to just start recording these conversations. Just document One of his things, just document what you're doing. And I was doing that and through the podcast I had my one of my now closest friends reach out and say you know, I really see what you're doing here, I'd love to have a chat with you. And we got on the phone and it was like you know, magic happens with certain people. You just like you know, with you I just feel like there's an innate connection. I love some of your humor, I love how smart. You're so smart but you're also so nerdy and that's such a combination for me that I just love.

Speaker 1:

But anyway, the magic unfolded and I think through the podcast and then through some of the other communities and connections, and then, of course, through Crystal, I just started finding that tribe, but I wouldn't say it was just like overnight and it didn't happen in one space. So again I'm sharing that kind of for the previous version of myself even who. It just took some time and sometimes I think that that's how it is with our network and it can also be the way it is for your purpose. It can be the way it is for a lot of things, and oftentimes I think we have this like narrative that oh, we're just going to do this and life is going to change, and so again I just want to kind of share that in the sense that sometimes it's really like this, you know, stepping stone process.

Speaker 2:

And thank you for bringing that up. And you're right for all the youngsters out there if you're starting your journey, young adults. When it took me 14 years of being alone, literally to find the community right, I try here, here, here, and believe it or not, even in my own community, in the Latino community, I didn't fit it Right Because, kind of like what you were saying, and I learned very early in that process that it's okay to like different cakes. You don't have to like the same one, right? So I like apple pie, I don't like cakes. So I was like but it's okay, I can appreciate the inside, right? What do I mean? So, but there, that's right, I am a super nerd. Shout out to all my nerds and geek therapists out there.

Speaker 2:

Uh, if you don't know, I talk in comic con, wonder con, anime, expo, all the super nerds, I'm in, right, and. But that took a lot of time and a lot of networking to like tolling my dream. Anybody that had ears will know my dream. Like, hey, one day I won. Um, dr Janina Scarlett is one of my superheroes in real life because we share a lot of the same immigration stories and survivor stories and I was totally fun, girl, know her and I say, if you ever can, I just want to um get a signature in the box right? I'm sharing panels with her now because that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2:

That's what I say. One day no, one day happens. You just have to put it out there in the universe and the little fairies will take care of it. Yeah, but and why?

Speaker 1:

go ahead. Oh sorry, can I just add one thing to that too? Of course, you also have to do it over and over and over, and so that's. The other thing is, sometimes people will say, oh, I tried this once and it didn't work. Like, yeah, you have to keep doing it, and partially you're doing it for yourself to to start to get your subconscious brain on board, because that thing is not on board yet, like it's defaulting.

Speaker 1:

I think we talked about this like a little bit at the beginning. But like it'll default to that comfort, like it's defaulting. I think we talked about this like a little bit at the beginning. But like it'll default to that comfort zone, it'll default to the old programming, right, because that's what it knows, because that's what's kept you safe for so long. Telling your story is hard, but it's your purpose, like, and so I commend you for doing that, because it's not easy to continue to share it and say I'm going to talk to whoever's going to listen, I'm going to get on this panel, then I'm going to get on another one and before you know it, now you're sharing panels with her. And what a testament to you being like you know what. It's okay for me to share my voice and to go after some of the things that I want and to not stop.

Speaker 2:

And yeah, this one is a little asshole, right. Why? Because we were designed to be alive in the cage ages, right, meaning our brain will always want to keep you safe. And guess what? New things don't feel safe. New things feel like oh my goodness, the lion and the dinosaur is going to come and rip me apart.

Speaker 2:

So also, if you haven't never read, I think the book is called the Hundred Nose, and the whole book, every chapter, gives you an exercise to get a hundred nose. Why? Because then you turn it. It's on. What do I mean when it's on? Oh, yeah, I wish to say yeah, everybody was so kumbaya with me when I said no, they thought I was delusional. One and other one it was ask and become curious. So it's like okay, so why not like? Or if you see somebody that is a little ahead of you, sometimes we forget that when we see the top of the iceberg, there is a lot on there and we want to be in the top. But even if I take you to the top, you will freeze to death because you haven't done the training to be in that top.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, exactly, like so many people think they want that leadership role or a million followers on whatever you have, you don't even have the resources yet. And I mean I say that with so much love, but like even if you were gifted that right now you wouldn't even know what to do with it. I mean, how many people do we hear of in the news who win the lottery and then a year later they're completely broke Because what happened? They didn't know, they didn't have the ability to hold that much. Yet you just don't have the ability yet to hold that much, but you're working on it, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I call it. Like your brain has this blueprint for a one bedroom studio and you throw a party that is for a mansion. It's not gonna fit right. So if you're in that, uh climb, if you will in that training of kind to talk about your dream, um, I always in psychology we have something that we say you first feel it, then you think it, then you speak it and it comes reality. But not, as I say, you have to feel it, meaning you have to believe it, because if I just think it and speak it but my belief is like I don't deserve it, guess what? You're going to get that proof, because that's what the brain is trying to find.

Speaker 2:

You give them the parameters or the blueprint to find. It's almost like a hound doggy. So he's saying go find me. I don't know the best leader in the world, but tell them that I suck. So he will go and find that. So the first step, I think, is understanding and you can get a mentor. That is a little bit steps ahead of you, not big steps, little steps, because that way you build that muscle of confidence, like I did it right, and then you move to the next one and to the next one. It's okay. It's okay to move from mentor to mentor or from the stage to stage, because they will come with you or they will cheer for you. A good mentor, a good leader, will never, never stab you in the back or throw you under the bus.

Speaker 1:

No, no, not at all, because why would they? I mean, if you find somebody who they have a deeper why as to why they're doing what they're doing, you will be able to feel it and you'll be able to know, just by some of the actions that they show you and demonstrate to you and the behavior exchange and it's not to say so. I also want to say this because mentorship isn't always fluffy. My style is I like to be a cheerleader, but I'm also going to kick you in the ass, because I know what your potential is and I'm not here to like if you want to lock arms with me, I'm running with you.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we're going to do the damn thing, but we are not going to be like, and I am going to be your biggest advocate, but I also want to show you what you're made of, and so I think it's not to say that sometimes I think people think of getting a mentor and they're just like okay, cool, I can just relax, I've got this mentor, they're going to show me the way. No, girl, you got to do the work Like you're going to. Actually, probably, if you're doing it right, you're going to be working harder than your mentors.

Speaker 2:

Right. And I always say mentorship, growing or working in yourself. It's almost like going to the gym. Nobody likes it, you hate it. It's so painful when you go leg day, please not right, but you have to do it. You have to do the leg day. The first time you can only lift maybe two pounds, then five, then 10, and now you're doing a hundred. But it's a process of pain, growing in pain.

Speaker 2:

And when I say pain, I'm not talking about psychological abuse or, like you know, mentors that tell you you're stupid or stuff like that. No, psychological pain means I have to look at the ugly parts of me. Yeah Right, and nobody likes that, because we always want to present the best, like you mentioned before, mask the best. This is me, this is so happy, blah, blah, blah. And I think that's what a lot of the social media has shared and why one of the social medias was exploding during the pandemic, because they show people as they are, with fluffy hair, with no makeup and, like you know, like in Spanish, we call it all for dona, which means all like right. But we like that, that part of social connection, because, like I see you, because I'm like that too, eating the Cheetos from from my tummy watching Netflix, right?

Speaker 2:

So I said that because if anybody's listening and you, you say that's too far, that's too hard. That's why I create the community that I create my community is to take a break to grab tools from people that already have done it. But you're not obligated to go there yet, because sometimes we need a little more slow pace. You know, uh, you have to go to your own pace and you know how that looks. Like I love, like I said, I love valerie because she's a cheerleader, but I can only imagine if she's that super cheerleader when she's like you need to do this shit.

Speaker 2:

Like okay, okay, right, but how? What? Five little nuggets, just give me some nuggets for our audience of how to find a good mentor. You look at it retrospective, in the innocent young you or like the not so worldly outside events, and why not? How you will pick, because normally we pick mentors are shiny, because brain like shiny, right. So people will say I want to be mentored by taylor swift or bianna senor. Like, really, no, like you know, like, like I say about the ice, right yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, I think that that's a. You know that's such a good question too, because you want to be intentional about who you're reaching out to and who maybe you work with as a client or whatever the case might be I might.

Speaker 1:

for me, I would say probably the first thing for most of us would be psychological safety, and what I mean by that is to make sure that you feel safe, being seen, because that is going to be your ceiling of potential is how much you're going to let yourself be seen. You're going to decide that based on who you're working with. So if you feel like that person is able to hold that kind of space for you, then I would say that's a really good. That's number one. I think Number two would be to Kind of like what you mentioned.

Speaker 1:

You want to find somebody who mimics some of what you're going for In terms of their lifestyle, in terms of how they hold themselves, not just necessarily title and success. I want to look at the whole picture. They just emulate something that is reflecting something back in you, and you aren't quite there yet, but you admire them for a reason or two. And then the other piece I want to say because this is my own mentor that I was referencing earlier it can be really valuable to find somebody who is a little different than you, who holds some different beliefs, who looks different than you, who has a different culture, who has something else that they bring to the table so that it can round you out in experience and open your eyes to just something new that maybe you didn't have before. So those are a couple of things that I would say. As far as you know, looking for that mentor, yeah, I would go there.

Speaker 2:

Thank you. That's so important. And the same mental safety or psychological safety is so important. If you go with a mentor, that is for a coach, or put the blank here title. Make sure that is what do you want, right? For example, if I want an instructor for, and I use exercise because we all relate to that, uh, if I want a coach for exercising but I want a mentor for dancing, both of them are movement of my body, but if one start trashing the other one or one start saying you have to drop everything or you.

Speaker 2:

There is no absolutes when it comes to mentorship. There is no absolutes to to grow. And I understand in mentorship and even in coaching, it's a little hard because it's the wild, wild west in the sense that they're not very regulated. But you know, it's okay to become curious about not so much credentials but credibility, right, always ask somebody else, how do you feel with this person, what do you learn and how do you got where you got right? Um, and always protect your mental health in the sense of like.

Speaker 2:

If you hire somebody to work in your entrepreneurship or somebody to work in your stackable habits, etc. Etc. But then you're ending talking about childhood trauma and stuff like that. That's a red flag. I ask you to place that on you too, to stay in track, right? So what you will say to somebody that two scenarios One is the one that is like the go-getter, nothing's wrong with me totally ignoring it, right? And when it comes to you, you're like, I mean, I want to work with you, you're awesome, but yeah, right, you see the cloud, right, yes, how do you do in those cases?

Speaker 1:

Really good, right. So I for that person, that person is me Really good, right. So I for that person, that person is me, yeah. And because I know that there is more inner work to be done to make sure we're in alignment. A lot of times you know we have to, we have to dig underneath a few of the layers. So when we start to look at goals, a lot of times figuring out the why and then where does it live in your body? What stories are you telling yourself? And this can kind of we do walk down some roads that can lead to some childhood stories.

Speaker 1:

So, like you said, you have to know your boundaries with this. But even just giving some reflective questions, I'm that mentor that likes to give a couple of here's a couple of reflection questions for yourself to try to figure out where does that come from? Because once we can start to do a little more of that and to soften some of those edges, we can run. Really, if you want to run fast, we can do that, but we have to make sure we have really clear focus and a really good understanding of why we're doing what we're doing and built in supportive habits around that. That makes sure that you feel like this is fun and this is good and this is easy and this is in flow, and a lot of times we're just pushing and pushing and pushing. That tells me that we've got some other things going on and we've got to look at the other pieces of life, and normally that comes out in conversation about like what is also like not working, that you would like to be working differently, and so then we have to focus there.

Speaker 2:

And I admire the work of coaches because they are more accessible to people than therapy.

Speaker 2:

Unfortunately, you know, and also they're less taboo. I, if you have 10 people, nine is going to pick a coach over a therapist, because therapist is a lot of um. We have a lot of um, we're calling um, negative outcome, negative connotation, that like, oh my God, now thank goodness with social media and everything. Now it's like my nugget to everybody that's listened you need a therapist, you need a coach and you need a mentor, and if you can get a personal trainer, that will be great. So, because you need to take care of your body, your soul, meaning your inner self, your mind and your goals, right, if you have that, I call it to affect that.

Speaker 2:

But technically speak, therefore, therefore, in my, in my work, in their work too, I think the reason why I receive all the girls the way that I did is because you know, not only because I'm a clinician, but also as a clinician, I have to go to therapy because it's mandatory for us to right. So if you're listening, if your therapist doesn't go to therapy, you'll have their own coach. Question a little bit, right the same, if you have a coach that hasn't gone through either one of those three question a little bit, because how can we guide somebody if we haven't guided ourselves out of the darkness. And that's what I love, Valerie and all the beautiful women that are in this podcast, because all of them, they have done the inner work. They didn't wake up one day and say I'm just going to be amazing today and not think about my own trauma and try not to bring it and reflect it right.

Speaker 1:

So no, I was going to say like that if you're an entrepreneur or any sort of like ambitious person, you're just going to be dealing with this all of the time, like there's just going to be new challenges that hit you in the face every once in a while. So this doesn't end. And again, I say that laughingly because I feel, like the top leaders that I've ever talked to or work with and you know this too it's like they all have this and the longer you put it off, the worse it gets. So that's to your point is like have, have these people in your corner and start doing the work when you're able to. I'm still I love therapy.

Speaker 1:

I used to be that person that was like I don't need that, or was told the narrative growing up that that was for people that had issues. Well, it turns out we all have issues, thank you, and it's been a game changer. It really has. Um, the deeper I was willing to go, the more transformation that has shown up for me. So I love what you just shared of like if you don't have somebody who's also interested in doing some of that work or just is self-aware enough that they are going to be continually learning, then there's a problem, because I feel like, if you're an entrepreneur or a business owner or just in a career, like you are always finding things that you're learning, or a parent, like there's always new pieces that you're learning about yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and, like I said, that's what create communities, to make it. All parts of you are welcome and, like I said, we don't know until we try it right and we don't know until we know better, when we do better, when we know better right, when we know our why. Sometimes our why is I just want to survive, sometimes our why is I want to shine and sometimes our why I just need rest. So, for all parts of you, stay tuned for the next episodes. Valerie, thank you so much for being here with us where they can find you, because I this conversation was so good and also I think you are the best mentor that people can have. So I may be a little biased, but you know like I have credibility. What do you mentor?

Speaker 1:

what is your perfect let's say wishful, um I like to say that my, the people I tend to work with that gravitate toward me and that, um, my preferred clients identify as women, because I just have a different resonance and I feel like I can guide differently because, again, like I've been through some of the things that y'all have been through too, and I always say, like I am for the self-led woman, meaning that if you are somebody again who is kind of that go-getter, who knows, like within herself, that she's made for something different, that is my ideal person, that I love working with and where they can find you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you can come find me on Instagram. So on Instagram I'm at HeyValerieLynn. You can also come find me on LinkedIn ValerieLynn on there. And yeah, please send me a random DM. I love getting random messages, so if something was funny for you or just interesting to listen to, or you got something from this episode, please feel free to reach out and just slide in there. Shoot me a message.

Speaker 2:

And if you go to our Oasis podcast Instagram, we will have the five tips and how to find a mentor and five tips how to find a healthy therapist and coach. So please don't miss that and go get it. It will be available once this new season drops. Thank you so much, Valerie. My pleasure to have you. Thank you.

Speaker 1:

You're just the best. I am squeezing you from here, virtual hugging you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much and for everybody. Remember be proud, be loud, be you and all parts of you are accepted. Until next time. As we conclude today's episode, take a moment to reflect. Be proud of the journey, for every step that brings you closer to who you truly are. Embrace the kindness towards yourself, as you did to each one of our guests, honor the bravery in your actions and celebrate the importance of mental wellness with us. And remember it's an exercise that we practice daily. Continue to grow and flourish, knowing that we are in this training for our mental wellness together. We are so proud to have you as part of our community, so join us on Instagram at our Oasis Community Podcast for more inspiring conversations, valuable resources and supported content, including journals, worksheets and content in Spanish.

Speaker 2:

Exciting things are in the horizon. Our Oasis community break rooms are coming soon to grab tools and take a break for mental health. Also, we are featuring our six-month training ethical mental health coaching program designed for new and experienced coaches, as well as holistic and healing professionals. Enroll to create a safe and transformative experience to your clients. Links in the bio. Until next time. Take care, stay connected and welcome to our Oasis community.