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Transformative Therapy: Early Interventions and Healing Practices

• Dr. Roldan • Season 4 • Episode 1

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What happens when a seasoned journalist trades her microphone for a mission to empower young women? Join us in an inspiring conversation with Amanda Aguilar, a self-love and empowerment coach, who brings her incredible journey to light. From her impactful decade as a news reporter to stepping onto the TEDx stage, Amanda shares how vulnerability became her greatest tool for personal growth. Discover how she made the daring transition from journalism to coaching, and learn about her passion for helping young women reconnect with their authentic selves.
Feeling overwhelmed by societal expectations of perfection? This episode dives deep into the transformative benefits of therapy, not just for those in crisis but for anyone navigating emotional challenges. You’ll hear personal anecdotes showcasing the importance of early mental health interventions, the therapeutic power of play and movement, and practical self-care strategies like journaling. Amanda and our guests emphasize the value of empathy, authentic connections, and community in the healing journey. Tune in for a heartfelt exploration of caring for your mind, body, and soul.

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Guess info:
IG: @aaguilartv
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Disclaimer: It's essential to note that while I am a therapist, this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. The stories and discussions shared here are meant to inform and inspire but should not replace professional advice or support. 

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Speaker 1:

Hello, my name is Amanda Aguilar and I am a self-love and empowerment coach and I am so excited to be on the Oasis Community Podcast. We're going to have so many good conversations and I'm just so blessed to be here.

Speaker 2:

Hello beautiful souls and welcome to our Oasis Community Podcast. I am Dr Roldan, your host. Thank you for professional mental health care, but we have resources in our website and Instagram to support you in that search. Join us for a cozy, felt conversation about mental health, personal growth and mindfulness. We explore tools to care for your mind, your body and your soul. Check the footnotes for disclaimer, trigger warnings and additional resources for each one of the episodes.

Speaker 2:

So grab your favorite cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, wrap yourself in a warm blanket and find a coffee spot here with us to be kind to be brave, loud and strong in your search of mental health wellness. Welcome to your Oasis. Thank you so much, everybody, for joining us again. I have a mega surprise for you. So grab your cup of coffee, tea or beverage, because today you're going for a trip not only to the stars, because I got you a superstar. I got you Miss Amanda Aguilar, and I'm going to let her do a mini introduction of herself, because right now, like a lot of you that are in this podcast, know a little bit about her and you are fangirling right now, like me. So, amanda, why don't you introduce yourself to our?

Speaker 1:

audience. Yes, so my name is Amanda. First of all, that intro was just like thank you. That was amazing. But yes, my name is Amanda Aguilar and I am a self-love and empowerment coach. I actually just recently stepped into the coaching space, which is something I have wanted to do for a couple years now, since I have been a client in many coaching programs. So now I get to pay that forward to the community and help empower and inspire young girls and young women to really just go back to their true, powerful, authentic selves. I recently launched a coaching program that was actually inspired by my leave from my dream career. I was a news reporter for 10 years and I took a huge step, a very courageous step, in leaving the familiar and going into something very different. Coaching is not usually something when people leave news. A lot of people go into a different field of communications but I decided to go into coaching because I felt that was aligned with my life purpose, and I think it was about four years ago where I really started to understand why I'm here.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

And going into the coaching space was a way to follow my life purpose and I honestly have such a passion for empowering people. I've talked on, you know, conferences, women empowerment conferences. I love working with the youth, so, a part of being a news reporter, I was able to actually go to a lot of schools and help talk at leadership conferences. I really feel like I got my start in being vulnerable and sharing my story when I was a TEDx speaker in 2018. And I talked about, you know, how we have to really lean into that discomfort and go for our dreams. You know, growing doesn't happen in your comfort zone, and that was my first time really sharing my story and just seeing the power of vulnerability and so, yeah, I'm just really excited to be here and share my story and I hope listeners can take something away and I'm just so excited, so thank you for having me, of course, and she gave you so many little nuggets that we are going to open up.

Speaker 2:

So here in Euro-East, my community, or community now is people that just wants to take a break from life, from the hustle, from anything, and just grab the tools that they need to go to the next step. The reason why Amanda is here because, if you hear her, she was 10 years a news reporter. For many young ladies out there, that's a dream come true, also for the semi-adult, college students and adult people. If you didn't hear her, she's in a TEDx talk. Can you share with us the name of the talk and I will put it also in the comments you?

Speaker 1:

know what. It's been so long I forgot what it was called. I think if you put like Amanda Aguilar TEDx, it should pop up. I can get you the actual title and.

Speaker 2:

I will put it in the notes of the podcast. The reason why I said that is because I am also a TEDx speaker. Mine is going to come up probably at the end of the year because it takes forever to download into the cloud that they have so exciting.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, but I say this because, for any woman that is out there to say my story is not worthy, who I am is not worthy. I mean, tedx is I don't know the one that you did, but like the ones, they're normally speaking the same frame. If you don't apply, they invite you. The people, the few people that they do invite, they have to be powerhouse humans because they have an idea that is worth sharing. So yours, it was stepping to the unknown right. Can you tell our audience? What was it that make you change? What got you first in that career, right? So tell us a little bit about your background. For example, for Latinas, there's only three careers that you get to do. You're either a doctor, a lawyer or a wife. Yeah, that's about it, right, and you go, go, go, go go.

Speaker 2:

I was very fortunate that my parents were, because I grew up with my brothers. I was very fortunate that my parents were because I grew up with my brothers. I'm the only girl. So they were like, no, just let her go and do whatever she wants. I did arts, I did music, I did dancing, and that's why Amanda and I we resonate a lot. We met in one Empower program that we were in a show and we were sitting down in the same table and she's a firecracker. So we were like, oh my God. And then she started talking about dancing and that perked my little ears and I was like, well, tell me more. And you know, after that it was history, right. It was like, yeah, so if you haven't seen her, she put some dance moves over there in Instagram so you, you can follow her there too. But can you tell us what was the pressure that got you to the news and then what happened that make you get out of it?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So it's interesting when people share how they get into news. A lot of you'll hear a lot of reporters say, oh, I've always wanted to be in news, like they have their home videos of them pretending to be a news anchor. That was not the case for me. I will say when I was in high school I was not committed to my education, which is not great Usually. I'm coming from an Asian family, filipino family, so education is huge Like, and I did not have good grades. I was always getting into detention. I was always getting called to my counselor's office because my grades were not good. You know I was. My parents were never really happy with my grades, so that definitely our relationship wasn't the best. And I would just say I was not a motivated high school student. I didn't know what I wanted to go into. I didn't even think about college, like my parents would mention college, but that was not something that I really cared about. And it wasn't until my senior year I was actually voted by my school to be on the Associated Student Body.

Speaker 1:

And I was voted to be public relations officer, and one of the duties of the public relations officer was to be the news anchor for our high school news channel. And so that was my like first taste of being a news reporter, news anchor. And I was like, oh, this is cool. I've always been a performer, I'm a dancer, so public speaking, being in the spotlight, I guess you can say that was never an issue to me. And so I was like, oh, this is kind of cool. And then I also took a video editing class and I've always loved video editing, video shooting. I was the family member that always would put family videos together, like I just loved that kind of creativity. And so I was like, oh, this is, this is kind of cool. And so then I started thinking about maybe I could be in TV news.

Speaker 1:

And so when I got to college you know I always say I don't know how I got to college with my grades because I barely graduated, but I ended up getting accepted to a college majored in communications. And it was my sophomore year, we had to take a TV news class and I remember our first homework we had to interview a classmate and write a story and my teacher wrote on my assignment. You really have a knack for journalism and that was when, when teachers, you if there are any teachers out here you, what you say to your students, make a huge difference. It was that little comment, you really have a knack for journalism. Where I was like I get emotional thinking about. Where I was like, oh my gosh, am I, am I good at this? Like, is this something that I can do? Like cause it. I never felt like people believed in me.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

And that was the first time I felt like someone saw my potential when I couldn't see it, and so that like lit something in me and I was like I'm going for this journalism thing and so I really started getting committed to my studies. I was always the top student in my class, was the editor at my college, ended up going to grad school.

Speaker 1:

And that was really the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. I moved to DC, not knowing anyone. I dealt with so much imposter syndrome because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm just this stupid girl from high school, the girl that no one thought could succeed, and I felt so like just out of my comfort zone, going to DC with people in grad school. You know, dc was all about politics too. I knew nothing about politics, and so that was the first start, I feel like, where I really felt out of my comfort zone and I had to push myself. And I will say that I mean, I ended up getting my first job in Kansas and then you know, history has it I became a very successful news reporter and then, I think in 2022, that's when I was just like I think I want to leave Like I got this first nudge and this is also 2022.

Speaker 1:

I started my healing journey in 2020. And so I just started to get to know myself more and like relearn things about myself, rediscover passions that I had, relearn things about myself, rediscover passions that I had. And so, by 2022, I just felt like this version of Amanda that I became did not fit with being a news reporter anymore. It didn't feel fulfilling and you know it once did. I loved news, I loved being a news reporter. I loved the lifestyle and it's not glamorous. I will say that it is a grind, but I loved it. But then this new version of Amanda just was like I'm not feeling this anymore.

Speaker 1:

And I literally felt like I am made for more than news. I wasn't meant to just do news Because at first I thought I was going to retire in this career Everyone usually retires in this career and I just was like I don't think this is the career I'm going to retire in. And it took me two years to actually leave, to finally put in my resignation letter and make it official, and once I left, I mean I've been out of news. My last day was July 26th and so it's been about two months and I will say don't regret it.

Speaker 2:

I'm so happy.

Speaker 1:

It was the scariest decision of my life to leave a familiar career, to leave a career that I dreamed of, to leave a career that I was good at and to go into the unknown. But I will say I have never been happier. And I'm so proud of my decision, I'm so proud I made that leap and now I'm really following my life purpose and being in coaching and so, yeah, that's kind of the journey shortened journey, I guess you can say of my journalism career and going into the unknown.

Speaker 2:

Right and I want to dissect some parts of it. One I love why you say that teachers, professors, be careful what you say to your students, also from back home. I was a professor of performing arts and music.

Speaker 1:

That was my passion. I love it and I was good at it because I didn't have to write.

Speaker 2:

I hate writing and I was good at it because I didn't have to write. I hate writing. And then, you know, life happens and we have to move here to the United States and I was like I don't want to, like what am I going to do there? Yeah, et cetera. Forward, 14 years now I'm a professor, I'm a clinician, you know, and it's a new passion, right.

Speaker 2:

But what I love about what you say is I have a class where I teach freshmen how to succeed in college and how to succeed in life, and half of the class is basically just pouring to them. You know, like, teaching them like you can do it right now, it sucks because you don't know more. And also, I teach them that, unfortunately, your school system has failed all our students in the sense that they don't teach you a lot of critical thinking and they don't teach you a lot of self-love. They teach a lot of competition. Yes, so that class, you know, I'm so grateful that I have it and that my university was able to bring me in. And why not?

Speaker 2:

And I go also to different places for the youth and to empower them to say, hey, I'm not special. If I can do it, you can do it. You know, like, because it takes seeing one to be one, and that's what I love also about coaching. It takes one to see one in the sense of like, I'm not going to deny it, in the beginning I was totally biased about coaching because you know it is a 50,000 million industry and in that industry you have a lot of bad apples that are not trained and stuff, and that I will say you have that too in doctors, in news reporters, you have that in everything, right? Yes, the difference is that when you are somebody that deals with people, people come with injuries, injuries, that come from before we were adults, before we were teens and, for example, for Filipino culture, you guys are the second and 2% of the deaths of suicide here in the United States by the age of 22.

Speaker 2:

Yes, the reason why is the pressure, the societal pressure, the family pressure, and it depends on gender too. Also, because we don't search mental health or help, because you cannot. So when you say I was a dancer and I wasn't not so good at school, immediately my heart dropped to my stomach. Because, one, I was a dancer too. So you're used to the rejection like 24, seven and like you have to be perfect and you learn to hate your body just because they're so strict about everything, right? So when you said that, my heart dropped. And then when you say, and I was not good at school, my eyes almost watered because I was like, if she was not good at school, I can only imagine the hell that was at home.

Speaker 2:

Yes, can you talk a little bit for all the youngsters that are hearing us that are like I don't connect with my family, I don't connect with my parents. They want me to be Filipino enough or Latino enough, right? But I was born here, I already got assimilated to this, so I'm not too Filipino, I'm not too United States, I'm in the limbo. Talking about identity crisis, right? Yeah? So can you talk about your journey in that one? Like, how do you handle the rejection, how do you handle all that and how did that help you now as a coach?

Speaker 1:

I love that. Yeah, so it's interesting that you pointed that out and that's a big part of my story is you know I am a huge mental health advocate. My story is you know, I am a huge mental health advocate and I think it took me a while to, I guess, come to terms that I was struggling with my mental health in high school. Very much, I will say, and I'm very open about this. I've shared this on social media.

Speaker 1:

You know I'm a suicide attempt, survivor Multiple times. I tried to take my own life in high school. Multiple times I tried to take my own life in high school. A lot of that came from just not feeling good enough not feeling good enough for my parents, not feeling good enough for school, not feeling good enough. As you know a girlfriend, you know I had guys. That is one thing I focused on in high school. A lot was guys and again it came from this feeling of not being enough. So I tried so hard, looked for external validation from guys to try to feel enough, because I didn't feel enough at home or I didn't feel enough in a friendship. I just didn't feel enough. And so we searched for external validation and that's what I did. And every time I didn't get that validation, the more it would dig at my I'm not good enough wound, I'm not worthy enough.

Speaker 1:

And so, you know, in high school I I didn't talk about mental health. I didn't. You know it's interesting because they talk about it in high school but not as much as they need and especially I mean that was 2000s it wasn't talked about enough. I think the only time they ever said anything was like if you're sad or feeling depressed, like you know, call the suicide hotline or reach out to your counselor. But it wasn't enough, you know, and so I didn't reach out for help. And especially, growing up in an Asian family, you don't really talk about mental health. Because, I will say, in a Filipino family, you talk about mental health and you're automatically, you know, labeled as crazy. Right, you go to therapy. Oh, you're crazy, you have something wrong with you, and so I just never felt safe to talk about mental health. So, you know, I I grieve, but I also give compassion to that Amanda in high school, because she felt that was the only option in life. Um, and so I mean, I have taken great strides with my mental health, I think.

Speaker 1:

Honestly, I think the first time I really realized how important it was was when I was a news reporter and I actually did a story about a young girl who took her life and her family shared her story. And that was the moment I was like I was dealing with those thoughts too, where I like finally accepted, oh, I was there too. And then I ended up actually getting involved with the Suicide Prevention Coalition in Kansas. I was their like kind of media representative, and then I ended up actually getting involved with the Suicide Prevention Coalition in Kansas. I was their like kind of media representative and that's when I really started getting passionate about mental health work.

Speaker 1:

But I think, just taking my story and one I had to validate myself and that has helped me in coaching with validating other people and giving them compassion, because everything I do now is for younger Amanda. It's everything that I needed when I was younger and so, going into the coaching space, I know what I'm doing is also helping that younger version of my client and I'm giving them the tools and compassion and validation that they also need to give themselves, because it's I mean I didn't know to give myself compassion at that age. You're not really taught to do that. You're not even taught to feel your feelings.

Speaker 1:

You know, you just push it aside and you just go on. And that goes to you know your point with Filipinos. I mean, the statistics are just awful and it's so sad and it's because we in Filipino culture, we just don't talk about it. The thing is, you don't talk about it, you just push it aside. We have to save face. There's so much emphasis on making sure your family image isn't destroyed and it's intact, and so if you were to talk about mental health, everyone is going to be like, oh well, they think everyone's going to talk about that family and yeah it's, it's.

Speaker 1:

It's very sad and it's a statistic that I remember seeing and I was like oh my gosh. But at the same time I was like I get it, I get why it's like that. Um, so yeah, I've, I've just taken a lot of my journey and my own struggles into coaching, and that's that's why I like being a coach is because whatever my client is going through, I probably went through it as well.

Speaker 1:

And that's why it's exciting to guide them and support them because, kind of like you said, like I'm not special, you know, I I have gone through the same struggles. I'm not going to compare struggles ever.

Speaker 2:

And I hate when people compare struggles like.

Speaker 1:

A struggle is a struggle. It doesn't matter how severe, how mild it may have been. If you're struggling, you're struggling and there's always a way out. There's always a way to cope with whatever you're going through, and that's the beauty of coaching and just doing the inner work and healing. That's why I love this healing journey and that's why I love to see when people start it too.

Speaker 2:

Right, and just to everybody listening out there the pressures that we have as youngsters don't change just because we have a job, we have a family, we have the cars, the house.

Speaker 2:

They just actually increase. And the other thing that I love is that when we discover what self-love is, we first have to see how self-hate looks like. Yeah, right, because a lot of us don't like ourselves when X, y reasons happen. Right, and, like you say, we search validation in the wrong places all the time, right? So if you have a friend, if you have an acquaintance, or yourself are judging yourself because you know you have been with all these guys or you have been the party girl, the party boy, which a lot of them, they self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. Yes, uh, it's not so much that they just like it, it's they're trying to ease and feel something. Right, when you enter in drugs, it's because you want to feel something, you want to numb something or forget something.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so those three I want you to remember that that if you're in this struggle, you have a community that you can go to. It was very interesting and I probably will put the research in there about Filipino or BIPOC cultures. That is the second generation, the one that struggles the most, not so much our parents, don't get me wrong. Our parents have a lot of little pieces that they need to work on, but they won't admit it. No, they will not admit it. It's normal to them. But the difference is they have a community that we don't.

Speaker 2:

Because we got thrown to this. I don't know who I am part because I'm not too Filipino or I'm not too Hispanic and I'm not too American. I'm not. You know, you're in the nothing kind of thing, right? Versus our parents have their structure, that they were a lot of them. They either immigrate or they're second or third generations. They have their little pussies, right, they have a little gang. If you call it like you call auntie, you call your yaya, you call whoever you need to, but you have somebody to talk to. Versus the kids that come here and they have to live in United United States, we have, like this staple you have to succeed and make the family proud, right?

Speaker 1:

Yes, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

Not putting chips, but like our families needed to survive, we needed to thrive and be excellent and that kind of pressure, right, and it only takes eight minutes to talk to somebody to deviate them from trying to commit suicide. And I love now that we talk about mental health, like talking about I don't know Oprah or any of them, like, yeah, I did this, I did that and the helplines work. I know people are always terrified to go to the helpline, but there is also what we call warm lines. If you guys didn't know, there's something called warm lines, meaning you're not going to go to the helpline. But there is also what we call warm lines. If you guys didn't know, there's something called warm lines, meaning you're not going to go to the hospital. They are there to talk to you when we don't have somebody right, and I will put a lot of the numbers down here.

Speaker 2:

I specialize warm lines, like for Latinos, for Filipinos, because, you know, sometimes you want to hear somebody that has the same accent that you have, yeah, and that comes with the coaches too. So once upon a time, because my career is very clinical, you know, because I'm a clinical psychologist and therapist and I specialize in severe trauma and I always make the joke like I like sad things because nobody else does, because nobody else likes to hear anything sad it's, it's just it's uncomfortable for people yeah, because they're like what, what do I gonna do?

Speaker 2:

because the immediate process that we have is like I need to fix it. I need to help that's not it.

Speaker 2:

You just need to sit there and feel it with a person Meaning a lot of and this goes to all my coaches I love you, but a lot of coaches trying to fix it. You can't. You need certain professional. There is levels, right. There is certain professional training that you need for the helping and healing. But the best healing that anybody can do is listen and just hold it, because it's like I want to show you my most shameful moment and make sure that you are not ashamed for me. That's the part that we missed. A lot of times we say, hey, I am so sorry that you went through. Like societal attempts, I did too, but or I don't know how that feels but tell me more. And you just sit there. Just sit there and let them cry, let them feel it Right.

Speaker 2:

And the part that we miss in this society is we need to be perfect, we need to show perfect and nobody's perfect. And when I went to coaching, it was because you know, as a therapist, we need to be perfect, we need to show perfect and nobody's perfect. And when I went to coaching, it was because you know, as a therapist, we have to go to therapy. So it's forced, involuntary. So I have gone to therapy for many, many years, which that helped me to see. If your therapist or your coach has not gone to what they're preaching to, don't go Meaning if you don't go to therapy, if you didn't go to this, why you will tell me how to help me in this right Very true?

Speaker 1:

Yes, so do you? Did any therapy before coaching? Yeah, so it's really funny because I actually went to therapy as a kid, but I didn't know it was. So I started therapy, honestly, I think during the pandemic. It was a mix of the pandemic, but also I had a lack of self love. I was feeling myself get really depressed because over a guy Again, I was always for most of my life I was searching for external validation and I felt myself getting to a really low place.

Speaker 1:

And I actually remember one of my friends talking to me because he had started therapy and he was like I think you should go, like I think it would be really beneficial. And I was at a point where I was just like F it, you know, I don't, I don't know what else to do, but all I know is I'm tired of feeling like this. And so I started going to therapy and one of the, you know, during the consultation she did ask you know, have you done therapy before? And I told her I was like I know I've been to therapy as a kid, but I don't know why. I was like, but I remember I it's a very vivid memory, but I remember sitting at a table with like crayons and someone saying like, how did that make you feel? And so she was like, oh, okay, interesting. I was like, but I don't know what I was there for.

Speaker 1:

And so I went to talk to my mom and I was like, mom, am I tripping? Like, did I go to therapy as a kid? I was like I remember going and she was like, yeah, you had anxiety as a child. I'm like woman, why have you never told me this? It my life makes so much more sense because for most of my life I didn't understand why I felt a different way from people or my feelings were a little bigger and more uncomfortable for me. And you know, I was over, I was always overthinking as a kid.

Speaker 1:

And she was like, yeah, we took you to therapy because you were dealing with anxiety, but very and I applaud my parents for doing that, especially being Filipino but they were also very like, oh, four sessions, you're cured of anxiety. Like no more, no more therapy. So you know, I did go have my, you know, a few sessions as a child, but I really started to go as an adult in therapy and then it just it was so beneficial for me, especially in that moment. And it's interesting that you talked about the warm lines too, because you said you know it's not. You don't have to reach out when. Yes, reach out when you need help, but sometimes it's even when you In the middle.

Speaker 1:

Yes, reach out when you need help, but sometimes it's even when you In the middle yeah, even in the middle I actually texted the 988 number, I think maybe a year ago, because I just felt I felt it I'm very in tune with my body and so I felt like I was like if I don't talk to someone I can feel myself spiraling. And so I texted and again, I wasn't depressed, you know, but I was really sad and it was really just a really big kind of feeling of being sad and I didn't have anyone to talk to at the time.

Speaker 1:

So I texted 988. And I'm glad I did, because it really helped regulate my nervous system. They allowed me whoever I was, you know, texting really allowed me to, yeah, sit in the sadness and feel it, and feel it move out of my body. And then we started talking about you know what's next. And so I always tell people, you know, therapy isn't just for depressed people. If you're happy, you can go to therapy too, because life is going to, life You're always going to get to. There's always going to be a little, you know, low point, and so therapy helps you once you get to that low point that you don't go lower, and it helps you, you know, get to a better point in your life.

Speaker 1:

And so I love therapy and I it's one of those things that I'm sure you can agree with me there needs to be more access to it, because I know a lot of people don't have access to it and aren't able to have it. But just reaching out to someone, and that's why it's so important that, as a society, we learn to show empathy, we learn to listen. Sometimes someone just needs you to listen. They don't want you to problem solve with them. It's about listening and letting them be sad, and it's also important, as you know, ourselves to listen to ourselves.

Speaker 1:

It's interesting because a couple weeks ago I took a dance class and I've been a dancer since I was three and I was so hard on myself because I messed up and as a recovering perfectionist.

Speaker 2:

I was really hard on myself.

Speaker 1:

I could already hear myself saying like you suck, you shouldn't go back. And I caught myself and I was like, okay, what do we need to learn from this? And then I caught myself and I was like, okay, like what, what? What do we need to learn from this? And then I caught myself and I was like we don't need to always problem solve right away, amanda, like let yourself be sad, let yourself, like just feel that feeling, and I think it's important that we all know how to do that ourselves. Um, so yeah, it's therapy has. I mean to go back to your question therapy was the biggest game changer of my life. Honestly, I'm so thankful I went to therapy and then and then I started going into coaching programs too, and being clients and coaching programs and the combination of that.

Speaker 2:

I think that really helped me level up and that's what I told people. Also, if you didn't know, there is different flavors of therapy. You know, like, there is EMDR, there is CBT, there is DBT, there is talk therapy. There is so many flavors depending on what you need. So the same as many coaches. But the other thing that I love about therapy and also not so much, is that it's very elitist, as you say, not everybody has access.

Speaker 2:

That it's very elitist, as you say, not everybody has access and for a lot of our communities, we want to see somebody that looks like us, yeah, that understands the culture and doesn't understand the little nuances or even the nicknames. Um, for example, the first time that I went to therapy was because when I first immigrated here, because it was very hard. But it wasn't because I immigrate, it was because something happened in between and because I came in september 11th.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay yeah, you know, I was like, and so, uh, when I went to therapy, my therapist was like oh, it's because you're latina and you don't speak english. And I'm like, seriously right, my, my face was like I never in my life I go into a therapist. They're dumb. Um. But then again I I was in school in one of my classes in psychology, because I was, I wanted to be a special ed teacher and uh, one of my professors in psychology he was also a clinician and he said you look depressed. And I'm like and if you see me, I'm very cheery, I'm very like, yeah, and he was like you're depressed, stop masking. And I was like, and I was like what do you mean? If you're like, you want to talk, uh, you can come always to my office. You know, I do like sliding the scale and I was like what is this male white gonna told me about my life, kind of thing? But it was about a guy too.

Speaker 2:

And he came and he was like I hate men me too girl, me too, and I was like so he literally saved my life because I was going in downhill from there, um, finally didn't understand. I didn't understand what was happening. Um, because I did have a very secure attachment, I was very secure myself, but you know, when things happen to you and you ignore your body, I always say, when people say feel your feelings, so like yeah, they don't know how to do that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, your feelings mean connect with your body, then connect with the emotion and let it pass through. Yeah, a lot of emotions are very uncomfortable and with this I was like, oh my God, I love therapy. And then I started getting into more classes and then I switched majors from neurology to clinical psych. It was not easy and in my transition I always laugh because when people see my story I went from my BA to a master's in Homeland Security. Okay, because I wanted to work with human trafficking victims, because that is something that happened to a lot of our communities. Yeah, and I was good at it.

Speaker 2:

But when you see so much darkness in the world, sometimes you forget to see the beauty of the world, right? So then I'm like time to go again to therapy. You don't have to go all your life to therapy, you go in seasons, but you need to know when to go and what to grab, right? So four or 14 years now and I become a doctor and stuff like that. And the first thing that teach my little kiddos I call it kiddos because you know freshmen in college are a kid still uh, your emotions are all over the place.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I always grab your phones and we're gonna text 741-741 and they look at me like what is that? And then the happy face cam or like different spaces, come and I'm like that is the helpline. Then, whenever you feel the feels, whatever that means to you, you can text and they talk to you as many times as you need to.

Speaker 1:

I love that, because you know our kids are like they only do texting.

Speaker 2:

They will not call. Yeah, no, they do texting. And I have one older professor to say why are you doing that? That's a waste of time. Fast forward, at the end of the semester, 20% of my class used that. Wow, because the first semester of college is the most dangerous time for college students. It's what we call the red zone, because you're away from home, because you miss home, or you are around alcohol, sex, drugs and whatever Things that you have never been exposed to or you're overexposed to.

Speaker 2:

So you mix all that Not a good combination and then the pressure to perform. And I say all this because when I was in college, I have a friend that was very woo-woo. I call her very woo-woo and I'm very woo-woo, but for us it's tradition. You know, like smudging your house comes with a meaning and a history, and I used to get so mad when people would say we're going to smudge it. I'm like do you know what that means? Do you know the story of it? Or like singing balls, right. And I'm like do you know what are you doing? Because that's very insulting when you're mixing those two things, right?

Speaker 2:

So I started like I'm going to teach coaches how to be sensitive to the culture that they unfortunately they're appropriating certain things right and teaching them about trauma and trauma-informed, not to heal it, to deal with it right. And I went to a bread work because I wanted to know what it was. So I went to a bread work thing and I hated it. I hated it. It was so bad and I'm like coaches suck. And I'm like, and my friend like, no, no, no, try another one.

Speaker 2:

So we went to that one really threw me to the edge, to a cacao ceremony and I look at my, I look at my friend and say you realize that I come from the country that they are saying that this ceremony happened and it doesn't happen like this and it's not like this. And you know, I went in a spiral which he took me again to therapy or like how these people's taking my people blah, blah right fast forward. I mean even my said you should try going again because we have a rolling therapy. You will at least three times do anything before you hate it, because the first time you're in shock that you're going, the second time you're like, no, I don't like it, you're resistant. Comes the third time is the time that you show up finally, as you are so by the third time, you know if you like something or not.

Speaker 1:

I try my work again.

Speaker 2:

Oh my god, I love it as an answer, I love it, and as a musician, you know, I was like, yeah, beautiful, but it was the coach, it's not the practice.

Speaker 2:

The practice was the same, it's just the other one. Hopefully they are not doing it anymore, but like they suck um, and then I become very passionate about giving people some kind of um space to be who you are, whatever that means. So when I create this community of Oasis, that's what it's called Oasis, because in Oasis, when you number one, when do you see Oasis? When you're in the desert, almost dying and like right, yeah, that's how we feel in life, when we're overwhelmed with everything and we find that place where we finally can rest, drink a little bit of water or whatever, and take a moment and we're like, okay, I'm going to go back to the desert where it's hard, but now I know I'm not alone, now I know I have resources, now I know I have people and that's what I love. The community also of the good coaches I call it. You're going to find bad apples there, but there is coaches for everything.

Speaker 2:

And I always told my students I have a therapist, I have a coach, I have a trainer, because, you know, and I have a coach, I have a trainer and I have a holistic kind of practitioner and I do have my doctor. And they look at me like what do you have? I look at them and say what is wrong with you? And I was like nothing, because I have a team that is protecting me from everything. Each one of them play a part of protecting me Because unfortunately, sometimes in life or families or loved ones or lovers want to, but they can shield us from everything, that's true.

Speaker 2:

So the only one that can shield you. Meaning shielding doesn't mean that you're not going to get the hit. Shielding means that you're going to get the hit. Shielding means that you're going to get the hit. I'm like, okay, I need a little patching here. It's not so bad. Yeah, it's like I know what to do. I'm just going to rest here and say oh, oh. And that's why I love coaches and I love what you do, because your story is so empowering. One, the vulnerability that you have to share it, and I thank you for that. And two, if you guys haven't heard her in her podcast, please go. Her episodes are wonderful and also they're very cheery, because she's just a bounce ball.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I think that's also like a big reason why we just kind of magnetize to each other Because, one, we're fun size. Why we just kind of magnetize to each other Because we're one, we're fun size and we're just the energy that comes out of our little bodies is just like a lot.

Speaker 2:

Yes, like the fun size means I'm only. Well, technically speaking, I'm 4'11", not 5, but you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm 4'11 too, and I'm proud I'm 4'11". I don't think I ever want to reach 5 feet. I love being 4'11". I don't think I ever want to reach 5 feet.

Speaker 2:

I love being 4'11". In my DMV it says 5. And I was like why are you putting 5? They're like oh, you will thank me later. And I'm like no, put my real height and, like I said, society always wants to change who you are.

Speaker 2:

As minuscule as like one inch, right, yeah. And the same when, uh, when I met amanda, um, I already knew a lot of the community that we were going to and I was just hugging, kissing and everything, people, right. And there were some people that was brand new in the community and they look at me like, what are you doing? And I have one I remember very vivid. I hug her, it's like how are you doing? And she was like, oh, I'm fine. And I stopped her like no, no, no, how are you doing? And I'm like fine. And it's just, you can see they hesitate, they, you're annoying me, stop asking me. And I'm like. And then I got her hand, like well, I'm so glad that you're here, though, but how are doing? So I asked her three times and by the third time she broke and we were talking.

Speaker 2:

The reason why I say that example one, no, I'm not telling you being true to people, but two, you can tell, you can tell when somebody, if you just stop and ask, and we're so used to just say how are you doing and just walk, fine, like, oh, just walk. And like, oh, bye, how are you doing? I'm so glad to see you? No, you're not yeah. So I make intentional, like when I see you, say I'm so glad to see you, I'm so happy to see you, or like you look tired today. Do you need to talk? You know, just acknowledge, acknowledge it, and sometimes people is gonna look at you like you're cuckoo pops. That's okay. My in the same with therapy. My clients, uh, my clients call me the woo-woo therapist. Uh, because, and just to give you a perspective, I work with active duty law enforcement and first responders okay, that makes sense yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So they're like don't talk to me, don't look at me. And when you enter my office one, I have a lot of toys. Two, I have like PlayStations and video games and a lot of comics. And they look at me and say, do you work with kids? And I'm like, do you internal kid? Yeah, because a lot of us we never have a childhood because we have to work, because we have to be excellent, etc. So if anybody's out there, I invite you to just go play, just go play, Go play. That's why we like dancing, because dancing is playing with movement. I don't know why in the world it changed. Do you have to be this? And that? I mean it looks pretty, but that's why we have ballet.

Speaker 2:

The rest of the dancing is movement, it's just movement.

Speaker 2:

And movement releases the energy that you have inside for the negative things that you are going through. The best expressions and the best healing parts of you are when you are moving. I have my, imagine, the toughest, biggest guy, like six something, and I'm like this tiny thing and I put like, oh, we're going to dance, and they look at me like you are no. And I put like a song that I know everybody's going to move, depending on who. They are Right, and they just start wobbling their heads and music can be very healing. You can put a sad song and feel the feels. You can put a happy song, an angry song. So when you hear your son or your daughter or your cousin or whoever, listen to punk rock, let's talk to them because there's a reason that they're like or that's a good yeah that's a good one, that's a thing, one that's a thing, so yes, signals, nuggets of prevention people tells you without telling you how they're doing.

Speaker 2:

It's just we don't pay attention. It's little nuances like, for example, I love your nails, by the way, they're all pink and pretty, thank you. In my case, when I'm not doing well, I will wear nails. That's the telling for people that knows me. What's that way? Because you know, as the pianist, that we're not used to to have nails. So for me to put nails is to torture me in a safe way, kind of thing you know. So who knows? It's like, hey, let's talk, let's do this, let's do that. So I invite everybody that is listening, go pick in the person that. You see what is the thing that's changing. Because all of us, we have that subtle, let me torture myself kind of thing with something very subtle. Sometimes it's coffee, sometimes it's a drink, sometimes it's shopping, sometimes it's men and women, promiscuity. It's not that people is bad. They are screaming for help or just to listen. So what little nuggets do you have for self-love in anybody that wants to go to coaching?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I want to definitely expand off what you said because it made me think of when I was going through my depression in high school. I didn't even think of music, and that is definitely. I mean, I've been a dancer, so music is very important to me and it is a way I express my emotions. And it's interesting because I found my iPod from high school and and I was like going through all the songs and there was this one song and it was the title, was called broken and uninspired and I was listening to it. It popped up because it was on shuffle and I was like what? Like this is not the usual music I listened to. I was like what was I going through to be listening to this? And it reminded me was I going through to be listening to this?

Speaker 2:

And it reminded me I, when I was really going through it. I was listening to a lot of punk rock, a lot of these kind of like heavy, heavy songs.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean the title was called broken and uninspired and so that that was just a really good nugget of just really paying attention to even music. For you know, parents and their kids, because it can be very telling even if your kid isn't really into art. The girl that I did a story on was really into art and her parents showed me the progression. And it was very, a lot of colors, very cheery, and then it started just getting to black and gray and like people with sad faces.

Speaker 1:

And so yeah, I think a lot of people will tell you they might not say like I'm sad, I'm feeling some type of way. They'll say it in other ways and that's why it's so important, you know, to really pay attention to your friends and loved ones and and ask that question of like how are you doing today? And really, you know, you always know when someone's just being like, oh yeah, I'm fine, and they just want to you know, brush it off.

Speaker 1:

But so I'm glad that you put in that nugget and it kind of like reminded me of like, oh, dang, I was speaking through, like my music choices, which is crazy, which is crazy. So for me, my nugget with self-love, I think one thing that when I started my self-love journey, I think the biggest thing for me at the time, which made a huge difference, was just talking to myself. Nicely. We say awful things to ourselves and we don't realize how powerful our words are. But they affect us. They really do. Like when you're saying you know, if you don't go to the gym and you're like, oh, like I'm just so lazy, like I just give up all the time, like that that's going to affect you. And so for self-love, a very simple tip is create affirmations. That was a huge part of my self-love journey that really kind of boosted my confidence.

Speaker 1:

Affirmations are so powerful you can go on Google and put affirmations and just look at them and whatever one resonates with you Because I know when you first start your self-love journey it's hard to find an affirmation that you really believe in.

Speaker 1:

And so I honestly just went through a list on Google and I was like, oh, I really like this one, like that felt really good to me and I would just post them on Post-its on my mirror and I would say them every day. It feels weird at first because it's weird to give ourselves compliments, it is weird to talk nice to ourselves. Sometimes we're so used to just saying really mean things, so it was weird. But then I think I got maybe it was my one month of saying affirmations and I was like in the mirror and I was like yelling it to myself because I like truly embodied everything that I was saying.

Speaker 1:

And so when it comes to self-love, really be aware of what you're saying to yourself and I think a good, I guess, measure was if you would not say that to a friend or if you wouldn't say that to your child self. You shouldn't be saying it to yourself. So that's a really big kind of like self love little nugget there. Affirmations are huge and they're very powerful. And then what was the other part? I totally forgot.

Speaker 2:

And so no, that one, why you would recommend for self love. And that is perfect, because if you read journal, so FYI to anybody there that just cringe, because I know there's people there that did. When you say do affirmations, not all of us can do it for multiple reasons, due to like how self-hateful we are, but we always love somebody, even if it's your dog, your cat or your hamster. You always love something in your life and if you say, instead of I'm powerful, I am, this starts with we, we are knowing we are this because we feel less heavy and more believable for some not for everyone, for some, and then you can let a little.

Speaker 2:

Then start I love me because it doesn't feel so insulting, because if you're in a very dark place you'll say I don't believe any of this, beep right, um. But journaling is what kind of like your ipod? It teaches you and normally people think that you're not just. You put all your feelings in there. No, journaling is very more intentional, where you put how you feel and then later this is the master tip that you go back either at the end of the week or at the end of the three days.

Speaker 2:

You go back and use that writing and say what did I do to feel better? Did I drink? Did I went and fight with mom? Did I did this and that? And then how can I substitute that for something else? Because everything that we do it has to do with a movement in your body. Fighting is a movement, drinking requires movement. You know like it's a movement in your body and what song can you put there or what kind of movement can go through your body. And that is a beautiful way to journal. And here in Oasis we're going to put our free journal that has different, like seven different types of journaling for you guys to practice and learn, for anybody that is there and wants to just practice. For you, amanda, what do you have for our audience, where they can find you? How can we just go where they can find you? How can we just go?

Speaker 1:

and pour love to you, yes, I appreciate that, so you can find me on Instagram. It is a Aguilar, so A-A-G-U-I-L-A-R-T-V. I'm there on Instagram. You can also find my podcast, embrace Her Evolution, on Spotify as well as Apple Podcasts, and I love connecting with people. That's the beauty of community, I will say the healing journey. It's tough, especially when you're coming from a very low place and having community around me during that time. But even during my happy times and when I'm in a good mood, community is so important, and so I invite people to join my community and I want to be a part of your community. I just want to be there for people, because the people that have been there for me I really credit them to the woman that I've become because they've supported me so much, and so I think it's.

Speaker 2:

I think it's so important to find your community, whatever that may look like, whoever that may be, it's so important to have people there and now, amanda is part of our community too and we just love her and care so much for her and her message and for everybody out there. I want you to grab your cup of beverage either hot or cold, and I want you to just take a minute and feel that cup and take a sip of it and feel how it goes down through your throat to your chest and then finally to your tummy and either if it's a cold or hot feeling, the thing that we know for sure is that it passes and, like the bad feelings or good feelings pass. So the best thing that we can do is feeling it together. Well time everybody. Thank you so much All the contacts in the notes, so don't miss that and until next week, have a good night Bye.

Speaker 2:

As we conclude today's episode, take a moment to reflect. Be proud of the journey, for every step that brings you closer to who you truly are. Embrace the kindness towards yourself, as you did to each one of our guests. Honor the bravery in your actions and celebrate the importance of mental wellness with us, and remember it's an exercise that we practice daily. Continue to grow and flourish, knowing that we are in this training for our mental wellness together. We are so proud to have you as part of our community, so join us on Instagram at Oasis Community Podcast for more inspiring conversations, valuable resources and supported content, including journals, worksheets and content in Spanish. Exciting things are in the horizon. Our Oasis community break rooms are coming soon to grab tools and take a break for your mental health. Also, we are featuring our six-month training ethical mental health coaching program, designed for new and experienced coaches, as well as holistic and healing professionals. Enroll to create a safe and transformative experience to your clients. Links in the bio. Until next time, take care, stay connected and welcome to our Oasis community.