Our Oasis Community

Building Resilience Through Virtual Communities

• Dr. Roldan

Share episode

Send us a text

Ever wondered how the virtual world of gaming can become a lifeline for mental health? We chat with Brooke, the innovative mind behind Royalty Design Co and the Pinky Promise Project, who shares her transformative journey from facing bullying and societal pressures to becoming a mental health advocate. Through her personal battles with suicidal thoughts, Brooke found inspiration to launch the Pinky Promise Project, aiming to spare others from the pain of mental health struggles and loneliness. Our conversation sheds light on the evolution of mental health discussions, pushing beyond traditional paths and embracing supportive spaces that break down stigma.

We also explore the unexpected comfort and community found in video games. Reflecting on our childhood memories of playing games like Mario Kart and Mario Party, we appreciate how they've evolved into a critical source of escape and connection. Brooke speaks candidly about her Twitch community, which provided a much-needed lifeline during her darkest days. We dive into the mental health benefits of these virtual interactions, where genuine friendships blossom, and a sense of belonging emerges, offering a sanctuary away from physical social demands.

Finally, we touch on the diverse world of therapeutic practices and self-care techniques. 
Free Resources: https://linktr.ee/Our.Oasis.Podcast.Community
Instagram: @ouroasiscommunitypodcast
🔔 And if you haven’t subscribed yet,

Guess info:
IG: @xxtatqueenxx
website: msh.ke/xxtatqueenxx

Emergency Helplines

Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Brooke. I am the owner of Royalty Design Co, the host of Babbling Tat Podcast and the founder of the Pinky Promise Project. You can find everything on Tat's Corner at RoyaltyDesignCocom or on socials at XXTatQueenXX, and everything is linked right through there all about mental health and growing through this mess called life together, because we stick together and we heal together.

Speaker 2:

Hello beautiful souls and welcome to Oroasis Community Podcast. I am Dr Roldan, your host. I am a doctor in clinical psychology, a BIPOC therapist professor and a mindful somatic coach. While I am a therapist, remember I'm not your therapist. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health care, but we have resources in our website and Instagram to support you in that search.

Speaker 3:

Welcome everybody and thank you so much for joining us in another wonderful episode of our Oasis community podcast. Today I have a friend, a gamer friend and just an adorable human being that I call my friend, brooke. So grab your cup of tea, coffee or any warm beverage or cold beverage that makes you feel cozy and cheers my friend. And today we are going to talk about being human. What do I mean with being human? We all have been in the darkest places of our soul and sometimes life hit us hard and, as we know, not everybody has access to mental health or not everybody feels comfortable going to a therapist.

Speaker 3:

So Brooke is going to share with us her story and how she created the Pinky Project that when you guys hear it, it's just such a warming thing for my heart and for all the brave souls that are survivors of SI. This is for you, and this is your trigger warning that if you need to take care of you, we're going to be talking about suicide ideation, suicide, mental health and why not? So please take a break. If this is not the episode for you, don't worry. We have a meditation, one that you can go check before getting this one. But this is your trigger warning and final warning. So, brooke, tell us about you, tell us how you are here and how you almost went wearing.

Speaker 1:

Well, hello. Thank you so much for having me here. It is an honor and a pleasure, and just thank you for having me here. I am Brooke. I am the owner of Royalty Design Co, which is a store that has mental health apparel, merch products, that sort of thing, with plenty more to come later. And the main thing on Royalty Design Co is the Pinky Promise Project, which is my mental health project. We got, oh, there we go. I should have wore the one on the other side. It's my mental health project that I created in 2022. I created it to save my own life, but we will progress to that in a moment. Back up a little more, because there's so much more before all of that.

Speaker 1:

I have struggled with mental health my entire life. For all of that, I have struggled with mental health my entire life, whether it was bullying or home life or just not fitting in.

Speaker 1:

That's been me my entire life. The first time I had suicidal thoughts I was eight years old and they just continuously progressed throughout my entire life. And back then, in those days in the 90s, it was very mental health. The whole thing was very, very, very different, right, right, anxiety wasn't really a thing. You just you definitely didn't talk about it, like if we think nowadays, you know, mental health is kind of weird thing to talk about. Back then it was like you just didn't, you sucked it up, you dealt with it and you just kept on keeping on and toughen up.

Speaker 1:

It wasn't okay to not be okay, at least like in the outside world and internalize that my entire life and from a very young age, I had the feeling that I never wanted someone else to feel the way that I felt, because it was just so painful and it was so sad and it was very, very lonely and just the constant like what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me to where no one wants to be around me, no one wants to be friends with me. Like I get good grades, I say the things like yeah, my family doesn't have money for me to have the trendy clothes. But you know, like I'm okay, I'm kind of weird, but like, what's wrong with being weird? Like I like playing sports. I'm kind of a tomboy. I hated pink. I was not your girly girl type of a no, like I wouldn't touch pink, Like it's lava, it's going to give me cooties, like no. So that was also, you know, weird because I wasn't a super big girly girl and it's just all these different things and it's like why are all these things wrong with me? Because that's not who I am and that's not like who I want to be and why do I have to be like that?

Speaker 1:

But society was very much like this is how you to be, this is who you need to be and you need to, you know, follow this step of things. You need to get good grades and then go to college and then do this and do that. And you know, like follow the list, the road of life as it's painted on a white picket fence picture, and it's just it's's. It was so hard feeling like you just don't necessarily like fit into that, like why do I have to like I loved school and I loved learning and I loved college and all of those things? I mean I didn't. I didn't go to college. Technically I'm a beauty school dropout, so hey, it's okay to it's okay to pivot and no, college is not for everybody.

Speaker 3:

so if you're listening to this, are like, oh my, they're just college nerds. No, not everybody goes to college. Yes, I am a professor of a university, but I always say, you know, there is always straight school. College is not for everybody and sometimes we just go, like you say, because it's A, b, c.

Speaker 1:

And this is what people have told us, especially our parents.

Speaker 3:

So if you are a youngster or a college I hate saying a college dropout I call like. You know how we have gluten-free people and like vegetarian, so we have like no college people. You know, like I'm like you say I'm allergic to pink, I'm allergic to college.

Speaker 1:

Now, yeah, that's, that's okay. It's okay, we have entrepreneurs.

Speaker 3:

We have a beauty school. We have right now we have a decline in plumbing and carpentry, so blue collar is absolutely incredible.

Speaker 1:

Yes, little random key ADHD scroll moment, but I think, instead of what like prob and stats and whatever you learn in math and all of those random things like have, have a blue collar type of a you know experience type of, yeah, a class thing, like I remember when, like, auto and woodworking were in school and then they took it out when I was still in school.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like I. Yeah, no, that's it is okay to be a blue collar. I was a blue collar like I did it my entire pregnancy. I was an insulator. I I helped build the Tesla Gigafactory and I am so proud of that. That's why I love tractors. Right, right. It's okay to not take a traditional path and to be different.

Speaker 3:

It is okay If you haven't seen Brooks. She has a TikTok and every day she goes for every sunset and every sunrise and I love her because she's always in front of a truck or construction thing but, it looks so glamorous and I'm like how in the world she makes this look so glamorous?

Speaker 3:

you know, but this old saying that if you're struggling with your mental health because I have a good friend that their parents are like one is an astrophysicist and the mom is a doctor, a they are a welder because they're, I cannot do any of those things. One, because they have attention deficit disorder and two, because school system was not creative for people with different learning abilities.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

And they can create the most beautiful things, Incredible.

Speaker 1:

And it makes three times more than their parents, which I was like anyways, and without the college debt of all of it, and then it's okay. So I guess, to bring this all back to mental health and all of the things in the path of life.

Speaker 1:

It is okay to experiment with it. It is okay to experiment with different things. Yeah, to figure out what makes you happy. If college is not the route for you and you like to work with your hands, or you like to be creative and artsy, fartsy, or my brain likes this and I like to do this. I taught everything. I taught myself everything I know about my business, my store, being a Twitch streamer, a content creator, everything from Google and YouTube, hours of Google and YouTube. There was no college-ing for none of that. Like taught myself everything. Like there is. So it is okay to view it as an experiment. And that it is okay, you know, because, like with experiments, if you don't get the end result that you want, you just try it again. Yeah, and it is okay. Then you try little different things that well, this didn't work, but I liked this, I liked this piece of it. So I'm going to experiment with something else that still has that piece of it and it's.

Speaker 1:

I read a book called the Self-Love Experiment. Yes, somewhere up here, somewhere back here, but the biggest thing that I pulled from that, that I've tried to embody in life so hard is viewing your life, your self-love, your career, like your mindset, things, figuring out who we are, because I feel like we've masked so much over the years, of being told this is who you need to be, this is the society way of being, this is correct, this is proper. You're weird. Don't do that in public. Like whatever it may be. Like we put on all these masks and we cover ourselves and feel like this is the era where we're like shrek in the onion. Right, you need to like peel back the layers, right.

Speaker 2:

So like get to the good stuff.

Speaker 1:

We're unmasking and peeling off the layers. But to do that we need to experiment to figure out what those things are inside of us that really make us tick. So viewing it as an experiment to where it's okay to not have success at the end of it, that it's not a failure. You're just learning something that you did or didn't like and for these reasons, you're going to keep moving forward and try again. Yeah, Taking that sense of failure and wasting time and if I'm going to waste time, I'm not even going to do it anyways. Or what's the point? It's just going to be a waste. Like I'm really bad about talking myself out of things and telling myself, oh well, it's just for me it's a waste. Like what's the point? Like no, it's not worth it. It is worth it, you are worth it. And viewing it as an experiment has really helped me personally. Just go for so many things and it's okay if they didn't end up panning out like it's totally okay and it's. It's helped me give myself that grace just as an experiment.

Speaker 3:

Video games, and we mentioned that one. Brooke and I, we are all gamers, but Brooke is way better than me. But games teach you resiliency, teach you those tools of like okay, it didn't work like this. Oh well, I die. I have like all these three lives to do this right, or you learn to like to ask for help, to investigate. So let's now dive into the video game world. How do you got into it, why are you into it and why you're a twitch streamer?

Speaker 1:

so growing up I actually did not play video games very often. Um, it was not a thing in the house growing up. My dad had a nintendo 64 and if I was at his house, my brother and I I would play Mario Party, mario Kart or whatever together. I was always Princess Peach and my favorite map was her birthday cake. Yeah, that was my favorite one. That's pretty much the only thing I remember from the N64. Oh, and my controller was the purple see-through one. Yeah, that was when he had it on the cartridges to make sure, like if they didn't work and whatever. But on that that was my real, like video gaming experience growing up as a kid.

Speaker 1:

Eventually my dad later got an xbox and I used to play tau fang, so like mortal combat type of a thing with fighters and you, yeah, um, but even then I didn't play it very often and it's got a lot of time there and at my house that wasn't like video games, just weren't a thing.

Speaker 1:

So growing up I actually didn't really play video games, but in the sense of just games as a whole, I would play the ever loving crap out of board games and card games. Yes, just because I didn't have video games as an option, right? So my grandma and I we would play card games and board games and dominoes and dice games. So in that sense of you don't have to like same concept of games, in that type of sense, kind of like what we talked on the panel back in March at WonderCon, like, even if you're not well, I'm not a gamer, video games don't apply to me Like those little games you play on your phone that little you know, yeah, if you play, like to play solitary, you like to play, you know, dominoes or dice or whatever, like it's still a game, even if it's just not like virtual, like games, a game.

Speaker 1:

I think that's also why I love sports so much, like right it's a game right?

Speaker 1:

um, anyways, back to video games. So I just I never really played video games like ever growing up. So it's it's very, very interesting to be in the space of video games now and to love it so much now and for it to be such a peaceful escape. Like I still can't walk and look on controller to this day. I still can't. I'll still get stuck in a corner. It'll make me sick if my sensitivity is up too high, like I can't. I can't do the thing. I play mouse and key. I am not that good of a gamer. So your comment earlier earlier saying I'm Ben absolutely not.

Speaker 3:

I only do the cozy.

Speaker 1:

I used to do Mortal Kombat and all that I was going to say I'm a button master on Mortal Kombat, like Mario Party, the mini games, I'm kind of okay, but Mario Kart, my driving's not A1. I'm not, I'm not your next f1 racer. I tell you that right now. No, no, absolutely not not me.

Speaker 3:

So for for people listening to us and I will put the link uh, we did a panel about the benefits on mental health on video games and that's why brooke was referring to in wondercon last. We did that panel because, one, both of us know how life-saving video games can be for somebody that's struggling and you will be like what? No? And also the other thing is that people think that video gamers are under the ground in the basement or in a room all stinky and stuff like that. No, that was like the typical nerd movie of the 90s.

Speaker 1:

It's not like that, like stereotype. Yeah, way back then.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's not like that. Your nerd is Silicon Valley, a mansion with all the nuts, so it has changed Very much. Yeah, but tell me, tell our public a little bit about that panel. It meant a lot to you, but it meant a lot to me to show people the power of community All these podcasts in our Oasis community.

Speaker 3:

Is that Like, take a break, grab some tools and go back to live life right, however that looks like, but now you have a community ruling for you, so tell me about community and video games and how that, in a way, saves lives.

Speaker 1:

So my Twitch community, very much, was a very, very, very big role in saving my life in 2021 and 2022. Big role in saving my life in 2021 and 2022. I was at the lowest low of my life and I felt very, very alone. And not even just that I felt alone, I just I was. I was very, very much alone. I could not call mom, call dad or insert person here like that. That was very much, and I did not.

Speaker 1:

I did not care if I woke up and saw the next day, but my twitch community was there and I would go live every night and play call of duty with my community just for a couple hours and even if the tears were streaming and I would, you know, even come on stream, be like you know what. Guys, I'm sorry, I just I'm mentally I'm not here, I can't do this tonight and we would just hang out and just chit chat for a little bit. And next thing, you know, it's been an hour or two and I'm like you know what, let's load up and let's play a game, like, let's run some, come on, let's go, and they were just there for me, even though I was supposed to be there for them as like the streamer, right, like you know, that community is there like, yeah, I'm here for you guys, let's go.

Speaker 1:

And they were all yeah, and they were all there for me and that community only existed because I got into video games, like because I started streaming on Twitch, because I allowed myself to open up to the idea of there are tons of other people out there in the world that also feel pain and have hard days and just want to unmask and just be themselves and not have that have to require so much extra effort and nonsense. And then the fear of well, thankfully it's virtual, but the fear of, you know, going out in public and trying to socialize, to find your people, to find your community right. Maybe you live in the middle of nowhere, maybe money's a thing and maybe you're not confident in yourself, in your appearance or you know you just get social anxiety, like it's being able to pop in and out of a virtual community where they just honestly

Speaker 1:

you might not even huh, they just love you to be seen of popping in and out. You know, technically you might. Your name might not even be noticed unless you engage in that community to be able to find if that is a room that you want to be in from the comfort of your home or your couch or wherever, like on your phone, on your computer, like that virtual community was so, so, so much in video games created that Without video games, you know that wouldn't have been a thing and like, granted, call of Duty, there's a lot of toxicity in that. So that's probably not the best example to use for finding friends. But I found my best friend, my best friend that my son calls Auntie Harry, in a Call of Duty lobby because of my Twitch stream.

Speaker 1:

I didn't have anyone to squad with and they were like hey, I have a spot, do you want to run? And I'm like I spend all my time dead, like I don't even know how to walk and look, I'm trying to figure out mouse and keyboard. I don't know how to put on a plate. I don't know how to shoot Like I don't Sure.

Speaker 2:

Like.

Speaker 1:

I'm dead weight but like, yeah, let's go join up. And my best friend ever since. So there are so many people out there. I mean, granted, you're going to get a lot of the nastiness, and in any video game you're going to get the one-offs in any part of life. Anywhere, I mean, you go to any, any store, any type of restaurant or type of outing. You're gonna get all of those people in real life. So I don't know, I think it's just over magnified in the online space. Just it's like real life too.

Speaker 3:

Guys, right, it's just to to piggyback on that, because then they say oh, there is the predators, this, this, all that. Outside. The only thing in in video games is like it shows really fast, like if you have somebody that you can tell is having one of those days that they just right and they will take it on people, and immediately you just kick them, kick them out or block them and peace out.

Speaker 1:

That's almost. What's better about the video game virtual community is that you can do that in real life you necessarily can't do that. You can't be like hey to someone's face in real life, like you might get punched or something. It's just not going to go very well. But in the virtual world, yeah.

Speaker 3:

I love also the virtual world and video games, because once upon a time well, not still I have a chronic illness and it will put me out of life, if you will, for months, right, so like six months at a time. I cannot even get up out of bed, oh my gosh. But I can be halo, I can go and like, put all the aggression and frustration in a game. I can go and explore different worlds, all in the comfort of my bed.

Speaker 3:

Not because I was well, I am a proud nerd, but it wasn't because but it wasn't that I was under, like you know, the basement or anything like that. I was actually suffering. And dad going to sell that in final fantasy are my favorites, because you can fly and do all these things and you can be the pretty princess that just slays everybody. Um, and in the music too, it was very soothing and very helpful, especially in those moments when you are in such a dark place and you don't have control of anything in your life, like nothing.

Speaker 1:

But you can have control of who you go beat up in mortal kombat if you're master chief know like or go in Diablo and be a wizard and go run through something, Right yeah?

Speaker 3:

So, yes, it's escapism, but at the same time, it's almost a therapeutic way to react to a lot of traumatic events that you go through and also a way to heal, because we can change the outcome that we didn't have before, right? So for all my streamers, for all my gamers, I see you, we love you and we thank you for what you do, even when you're cranky and not very appropriate. If you're hearing and you're a minor, please don't do that. We kick you out of the room. Yeah, don't, please don't.

Speaker 3:

The other thing that is very beautiful is now they have create rooms where it's almost like a support group, where you go and say stay 24 hours there because you have society, asian or something happened, and we all talk to you because it only takes eight minutes for somebody to save a life. What do I mean with that? And you have hear me saying this a bunch of times in these episodes, especially in September because we don't tend to talk to each other even for eight minutes. We don't like wait what's up, hi bye, instead of like how are you doing? And sometimes you don't even know how. Are you really right? No, but really. And what I like about the video games is like hey, are you ready for this? Do you know how to use this controller? Blah, blah, blah. Yes, I know. But then they will tell you oh, I don't want you in my group because you don't know how to do this. But then they think about it and say but I can teach you after we win and I'm like okay, you know. So that can matter.

Speaker 3:

And sometimes the tough love it normal but to feel accepted, to feel seen, to feel like you belong there, right, and so that brings me to see the point in moving forward, just as a whole in life.

Speaker 1:

So I was very much struggling, still going live streaming. My community is still there. For me, it was very, very easy to see that I was not doing okay, but that I was still showing up and like trying to be okay. And then one night one of my mods, my moderators on Twitch she sent me a text because she was also very much struggling and she was like hey, tat, I can't do this. Like I saw the screenshots of the text to this day, just because I know that, looking back, like every time I think of those texts, I know that they're there. I have yet to go back and actually like look and find them for a really long time, but I know they're there because this is how this project started, right, uh, but it was a thread of text of you know, basically I can't do this anymore, like I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:

And I was like no, hey, like I'm right there with you, like I don't want to do this anymore either, but we're going to keep doing it. And I'm like pinky, promise me that. And she's like well, no, if I can keep a pinky promise, like I might break it, like I'm not going to make one. And I was like no, that's the whole point of the pinky promise. Like that's why I said what I said, like we're going to do this and like if I'm doing it, you're doing it. Like every sunrise, every sunset, and it literally just like came out of like well, my fingers, like it just kind of like created itself right there and at the time, twitch streamer, TikTok creator, I was already, I was having growth on both of my platforms and then I already had Royalty Design Co for my storefront to make merch for my stream, and I like to design and be creative. Anyways, I've had like a how should I work like a shirt business of like making and designing shirts since 2018. So that wasn't yes, yes.

Speaker 1:

So that wasn't something that was necessarily new to me, but it was something that I had just like was necessarily new to me, but it was something that I had just like already been doing anyway. So I was like, well, okay, I have a platform, I'm able to make merchandise for it, and I already have a community of people that already feel this way, because there'd be people. So my community was very much no matter who you are, no matter where you live, they're from australia, all over the globe, and stream on different time zones, different walks of life, different religious beliefs, different marital belief, like you name, like people of all, all walks of life in my community would be together and be a community, no matter what type of day you had hey, I had a rough one. Hey, come here and hang out and be as you are, like it is okay to to be you and to be here and to take a breath, like you are welcome here, no matter what type of bad day you are. Like it is okay to be you and to be here and to take a breath, like you are welcome here, no matter what type of bad day you had. We are here just to hang out and to literally be a vibe Like that was the whole concept of it.

Speaker 1:

It was a very welcoming place. So my community already sees my stream and stuff as a welcoming place for mental health. If you had a bad day, like you can find someone here in this community that will be able to be friends with you or run games with you, and like you could find your best friend in my community maybe. So I was like, well, I have a platform and a way of all this and since I was little I've had that feeling of I don't want other people to feel the pain that I do Right. So it's already been growing in me my entire life. I think, if anything, I can at least save mine and my friend's life, mm-hmm, and hopefully somebody else's too. So that night I drew up a skeleton hand.

Speaker 1:

And then I slapped it on a sweater on the wrist part, right here where my logo is. I put the hands on her sweater right here and I had my crown logo, like over here on the sweater.

Speaker 1:

But the wrist had the pinky promise and I didn't tell her. And I told him like, you have to call me when you get it, like. And then so she opened. I made her close her eyes when she opened it. She was video timing me and she opened it and just all the tears and from that moment I'm like this is I'm going to make something of this and I'm going to help change at least somebody else's life and in turn, it ended up saving mine.

Speaker 1:

And so in these last two years, the Pinky Promise Project is in all 50 states. It has been shipped to all 50 states and four other countries and has over 2 million views on TikTok in two years and there's been over 150. There's a digital Pinky Promise pledge. There's these little like cards right here that I have on my website, but there's a digital version of this that you can sign. There's over 200 people that have signed it and these little pledge cards. I have handed out over 3,500 in the last year that I have had these cards going.

Speaker 1:

So, in the sense of impacting other people and including a K through 12, aside from that 3,500, there's a K through 12 charter school in New York. Their superintendent found me on TikTok and said I want this project to be in my school and their entire K through 12 got these cards. I even like locally a couple of my schools. I'm getting in touch with, working with them because bullying is a very, very big thing everywhere, but especially in the youth. Not something else. I feel like mental health is very much. There's.

Speaker 1:

Something else that goes on is that people don't think that kids have mental health problems like it starts somewhere, even if because feelings are hard, like I am going to be 31 next month and feelings are hard, let alone for a little one through 17 year old, like all all ages. Like it's it's a very serious thing through all all ages. There's a line in the pledge that is dedicated to a youth that committed suicide to be a buddy, not a bully, because he was bullied so hard, and his family members are a part of the community.

Speaker 3:

And just to piggyback on that, I love that you're wearing red, because the first semester of college we call it the red zone. We call it the red zone because the first two months of September and October college students are the most depressed, the most suicide attempts happen, the most sexual assaults happen, the most ODs happen. Because you know you have kids. Either they were to shelter and they got run free and they don't know anything about what is in there, or they have never been exposed to these things, or they are pressured to things, believe it or not. In in university you also get bullied. It's when you have roommates, is when you you're in sororities, fraternities, etc. Talking about not feeling well enough and fit enough, right, um, and the pressures of performing. Brooke doesn't know this, but by the time that this episode will air, 170 new pledges are going to be coming her way from the university.

Speaker 3:

Because I teach a class that is about wellness and mental health for freshmen. Part of the exercise will be something like that right, wink, wink. If you're hearing this and you're my student, please, the random surprise. But because if you're struggling and you're my student, please, they're in the surprise. But because if you're struggling and you're not like I don't do video games, I'm not in streaming and blah, blah, blah, and I don't have nobody, just YouTube. You can text 741741. That is a warm line for emergencies, so you can text somebody in the other side. A counselor or a professional or a volunteer is going to come and text with you Because, remember, it only takes 10 minutes to harm those feelings and save your life.

Speaker 3:

Now, if you are struggling with your mental health, I have put all resources in the footnotes, but also know you are not alone. Suicide attempts and suicide completion are the number two leading cause of death in people between 16 and 25. So if you're struggling with that, just know that life is hard but life gets better, like in a video game. You know you're like you say I don't know how to walk, I don't know how to get out of this corner, but somebody comes in and guides you out of it. Right, and I know there are situations where it feels impossible to get out, but there is help out there and with that I ask you, brooke, what other than the video games have helped you to stay healthy? Do you go to therapy? Do you do coaching? Healthy to, do you go to therapy? Do you do coaching. Do you what? What got you out of it other than the?

Speaker 1:

video games and gaming. Well, a lot of things honestly. A majority of everything that I do in my life is therapeutic for me in some way, and I think that's kind of because of this current era that I'm in with like self-love. So everything I do I'm trying to be very intentional about, like this is filling up my cup, or this is putting energy forward for my family or, you know, my business. I try to be very intentional about it. But music, honestly, music is so therapeutic and like car karaoke, I tell you what. You crank that up, you roll down them windows, yes, roll them down, get on the freeway and just car karaoke. To that, I tell you, you want to. I know gas is expensive, I mean you're in.

Speaker 1:

California. Yeah, I know, I didn't say in Nevada gas is expensive, but it is worth it.

Speaker 3:

Even if you're just driving in a loop is worth it well, if you think about it, a therapy session is like 200 dollars a session you're not going to spend 200 on gas.

Speaker 1:

I mean, shoot, get a red bull or a starbucks, go for a drive and then get some mickey d french fries on the way home or a dairy queen blizzard, and that's still cheaper than like a paying for a therapy session and you got some. Got to go outside in the sun, you got to work on your throat chakra a little bit, you got to hear a vibe that you really like and get out, whether it's anger, sadness, whatever feeling.

Speaker 1:

I mean I could be feeling so sad and listen to such a happy song and then just like scream at the top of my lungs and like feel better, or the opposite, like it's, it's wild.

Speaker 3:

So music was huge yes, and it's a scientific research about the music and how we correlate to it, because you're engaging in all your senses with music. But also, do you ever did therapy? And, by the way, this is not discouraging people to go to therapy.

Speaker 1:

I very much support going to therapy or finding a coach because I very much believe so. I had a hard experience with therapy. So I went to therapy when I was younger, did not have a good experience Therapy back in the late 90s, early, no, so that. So that's my first experience with therapy, which pretty much tore me off of therapy the rest of my life until there was a point to where I had to go to therapy. Right, so I did.

Speaker 1:

I loved my therapist. She was great, um, but then there was a point to where I felt like I wasn't getting the help I needed and I didn't know how to vocalize that to her because I was very worried about hurting her feelings and then my sessions almost ended up seeming like a waste of time. So if you are going to therapy or you have a coach and you feel that stagnant type of a thing, I understand that feeling and it's very, very hard to vocalize it. But please spare yourself the time, the energy, the frustration and the money at the end of it to vocalize that and say it. You don't have to come out and be like, you know, a crazy, hey, you're not helping me and you're a terrible therapist or whatever, like hey, this is how I'm feeling, right? We're supposed to be talking about feelings, right?

Speaker 1:

So hey, this is how I'm feeling, and lately I feel like I'm just having a hard time getting the tools that I need to move forward, because I'm still struggling with the same things in my tool house, like my tool belt has not gotten an upgrade and it needs an upgrade, so can you help me upgrade that, or can you help point me in a direction of someone that can help me upgrade that, because there's so many different types of therapies yeah, like so many different kinds.

Speaker 1:

So maybe that just one therapy or therapist or type of therapy isn't what you need right now, and it's okay to experiment with it, like I talked about earlier, and to go through stages of right now I need therapy Now I've worked through that and right now I need a coach to help push me forward. Like my tool house is awesome, but now I need a guide to help push me forward with my tools, type of like a thing with my tools type of like a thing I I always recommend when you go to therapy.

Speaker 1:

Therapy is not forever, by the way. I know it is not for everybody.

Speaker 3:

I would love that because I'm a therapist. But no, therapy is not forever and there is different flavors of therapy, like in video games, different levels, because you have different monsters to attack, right? Yes, so if you go to therapy and you feel stagnant, just ask your therapist what is your plan? Because we all, as therapists, we create a plan, right Like a map of where we want to take you or where you need to be to free you, really kind of thing. And if you are feeling stuck or you feel like that connection is not there anymore, that therapeutic connection, it's okay to say peace out.

Speaker 3:

As therapists, we are human, but we don't get our feelings hurt because we're supposed to be blank slates, right? For example, I work with active duty and first responders and chronically ill and we always make the joke that we're like I like sad things, and because they're like you should enjoy this too much and because they were like I have one in particular that I love, it was why you changed the trajectory of my therapy. I used to do only kids and teens, and why not? And this particular set of clients? They were like whatever we told you, as dark as it is, we don't worry that you cannot take it Kind of like we were saying we don't worry that we're going to hurt your feelings, and that kind of peace that it gives a person that somebody else can hold. That heavy lift, yes, is what you need Now when we talk about coaches.

Speaker 3:

Coaches are your cheerleaders for one objective only, meaning I want to lose weight, I want to eat healthier, I want to set a goal to sell this many things or I want to get this many followers. That is what a coach does. It's hard when a coach starts talking about like, oh, let's heal your inner child, and stuff like that, if you haven't gone first to therapy because they can open wounds, that they are too big. And so I'm not saying that you cannot go to neither.

Speaker 1:

What I'm saying is sometimes we need both because, yeah, sometimes you can use them together to move forward and that you might end up getting to a certain stage where you're like, okay, I'm done with this type of therapy and can change therapies or change type of coaches, or like I've really been looking into trauma coaching lately, right, but yeah, there's so many different things out there and it is okay to experiment, it is okay to do your research, it is okay to call and ask and do the questions.

Speaker 1:

Right, because ultimately and you being a therapist, I'm looking at you for your grants and to see if my assumption is right on this but you at the end, just want everybody to get the help that they need, whether that is with you or not, and if you cannot provide the services, the resources that that person is looking for, you are not just going to be like, yeah, come here, we'll figure it out. You'll be like, hey, I might not be the the one, but I know these lists of people and I can help point you in that direction. Right, like it is okay to ask the questions instead of just well, sounds all right, let's give it a go, right, and and then end up leaving like potential bad taste in your mouth or therapy when it just wasn't that type or that person, right, that wasn't your flavor to help you move forward, right?

Speaker 3:

Right. And again, tying it to video games. It's like not all video games are made for everybody. No, you know, like you have the cozy ones, you have the gory ones, you have the action ones. The same with card games or whatever game that you play. You try and you're like this is not for me, but you try. And now you know One thing my nugget for everybody is therapy or coaching can only feel uncomfortable, but not painful. Yes, if it feels painful, then it's a bad sign. Also, just because we're therapists, we are not gods no at all and everything else Right. So if you find that too, like you know, and if you are with a coach also, another thing that I put as a red flag and I train coaches in trauma-informed and ethics is if they're selling you things when you're in the thick of the like. You know you're like in that thick and say, oh, by the way, I have this other course that you can do. I'm like no, no.

Speaker 1:

Ground for the hill E-break.

Speaker 3:

E-break. But we say all this because, yes, sometimes we don't have the money or the resources to go to therapy or even for a coach. So we have music, we have communities. I think the thing that saves lives more than anything is community, and it's something that we have lost in this country. For people that is hearing us outside of the United States, we have lost being in community, and we are human beings and we were meant to be in circles of community, because when one falls, we all fall. So what will be your three nuggets and red flags for anybody that is hearing us about mental health and how to take care of themselves?

Speaker 1:

Well to touch on the additional things other than just music and community that can help save. I believe movement is the best medicine. So, whether it is yoga, taking a walk, stretching, working out out I work out in the garage every single morning. Uh, lately I've been taking the dogs on walks, we've been trying to lap them around, just trying to get outside more, get some extra steps in before the snow comes. But, um, I truly believe movement is the best medicine.

Speaker 1:

I can tell I was a certified personal trainer. I lost I gained 100 pounds when I had my son I. I have since lost it all. Before that I had another weight loss transformation type of a thing. I gained a ton of weight after high school.

Speaker 1:

I've been all over the list, but fitness has always been a mental safe place for me, whether it was in a gym or just working out at home. I was a beach body coach, like years ago, coincidentally before the big C word hit in 2020 and all the things shut down and all that Coincidentally, but anyways, movement, any type of movement, just move your body and listen to your body, and it's hard to listen to ourselves when we don't want to listen to ourselves and when we don't allow ourselves to see ourselves, so it's hard to know what we want. But I truly believe movement is the best medicine. And journaling and a lot of people I know that just just journal it out, just journal it out, like. And then people get a pad and paper and a pencil and you're like okay, now, what Right? What do I write? Do I write a prompt? Am I writing what the color my shoes are Like?

Speaker 3:

what the sun's like Right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like what I was thinking about 20 minutes ago, what I was thinking about 20 minutes ago, what I'm going to have for dinner like what am I doing?

Speaker 3:

I'm so glad that you brought the journaling because in fact in this episode I put a free journal, but I call it beginner journal because it has all kinds of journaling it has color journaling, it has prompt journaling, it has emotion journaling because, as you say, journaling is not just writing the color of your shoes. It can start there.

Speaker 1:

It can start there. There's nothing wrong with starting there If you're like I just need to get, because that is the really hard thing for me sometimes is feeling very blocked, like mental block, like pen to paper. I have all these ideas and then pen to paper and it just stops and it's like I just need to start going. So I will literally start writing. This morning my coffee was really good and I'm not going to write negative, poopy things. I'm going to write positive things, to invoke the positivity that I am trying to continue growing. So I, if anything that's, I'm going to. My coffee was really good. The birds didn't make me angry this morning. They were really peaceful. Instead, you, you know, sometimes when they start squawking some, you know, some mornings like oh, it's so nice, and other mornings like do you mind? Right, you had three too many cups of coffee shush, like right, we're done, right, so just starting somewhere and putting pen to paper.

Speaker 1:

There's plenty of journal prompts, um, whether it be online or linked um in the description. And then I actually did design a journal. It's a guided journal, a daily journal called the Promise of Purpose. There there's like a daily affirmation and just guided and it's it's little, it's quick. This whole thing is literally like if your brain is going, by the time you've answered just these things and you feel like you got some stuff on your chest you just want to write out and put in the universe. Or you want to manifest, or you have emotions yeah, you need to get off your chest. Or you have an idea that you don't want to lose, or something is just on your heart and you just feel like you need to put it on paper. That's what that big empty thing's for. Um, it's on amazon. We can link it below too, yes, but there are so many things out there to help guide you through that journaling process until you can, because it's okay to experiment with it right, right and see what you like and what you don't.

Speaker 1:

So, now, like, let's say, the one that's linked below. You like a piece of the prompt? And then something that's in this one you like. And then you saw something on TikTok that you like too. Right, okay, get a blank journal. Like I have a stationary problem. I tell you what. Yeah, yep, we get a blank one.

Speaker 2:

We get a blank one.

Speaker 1:

We throw some cute stickers on it or whatever. If it's not already cute on the outside, got it. And then you take the pieces of the things and you make your own journal routine or whatever it may be Same with like working out or even like creating a morning routine, because sometimes having structure has helped. Yep, sometimes having structure has helped me when I am mentally not in a good place either, knowing that I need to show up for myself and do the things to take care of myself, because right now my brain doesn't want to give myself love and I'm being mean to myself. But I know that I have my normal morning routine that I have created over time, over years, that I still change all the time, like it is not a locked in solid in stone, like it is okay to be flexible. The biggest thing with consistency is adaptability.

Speaker 1:

That's really what consistency is? It's just being able to adapt and still do the things that you need to do. Be able to consistently show up for yourself and love yourself, which is very, very hard. Being able to adapt to how your brain is chemically going or your life is going at that point in time, and still show up for yourself and to do the core things to make sure that you are still prioritizing yourself and filling your cup up. So the morning routine Personally, I wake up and work out.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes I try to journal and then I have like my tarot cards. I try to do it. You know I get like my inner, my innerness, okay. You know I get like my inner, my innerness, okay. But when I am really struggling, I will turn to the most basic morning type of a routine for me to make sure that I am checking the boxes for myself, because I don't. I know I'm going to feel so much worse later in the day and then I'm going to be mad at myself even more for not just doing the things in the morning because I was awake anyways in my head being mean to myself, like it's just a revolving door, you know how it's the Ferris wheel, right.

Speaker 1:

So movement journaling, figuring out little things like that, whether it's throughout your day or in a big routine, to give yourself a little bit of love, to fill up your cup. Just a little bit For me. If you guys end up following me on socials, you'll see I randomly go find tractors in the desert or on a construction day. They make me happy and I feel like a crazy person off the side of the road on the dirt to go run and take a picture like a.

Speaker 1:

TikTok in front of a tractor. I really really do and there'll be busy roads, it'll be outside the freeway Like just keep cars, no-transcript, and whatever, whatever, like that is not reality for everybody.

Speaker 3:

And that is not self-care, that's consumerism. We have a we have an episode actually talking about that. By the way, PSA, One lesson to it, because self-care is not that. In fact, self-care has a Westernized and consumerized that totally lost what it was. But to wrap it up, Brooke, I'm so honored to be in your presence because you're such an inspiration to each and one of us and for everybody that's listening. Remember you are not alone, Even in the darkest days that you feel you are. There is communities, there is support. You can text to 741-741. You can call 988 if it's really, really bad.

Speaker 1:

And I believe you can also text 9882. You can text 988.

Speaker 3:

And we're going to put in Brooke's webpage and in my page. You have a plethora of warm lines. What is a warm line? It's a line that you call when you're like not doing well, but you are not so in this other spectrum that you need emergency care.

Speaker 3:

This one is just I'm having a hard day, I need to talk to somebody today, and that is for anybody that is struggling with body image, with mental image, with emotions, and also for people that have gone through a lot. So, if you are hearing us, please go check those websites, put it in your phone. In fact, if you're hearing me right now and you're seeing me, please grab your phone and just text 741741. Put that face and see what it pops back, because that way, don't worry, they don't continue asking you. They ask you if they want to talk to us and you say no, thank you. They don't send the police to you, they don't send emergency.

Speaker 3:

It's just I want you to have that phone number and that text line because it saves lives, truly, truly saves lives, kind of like the Twitch community saved Brooke's life and it has saved many, many other lives. So today, ask everybody, go to the website and sign up for the Pinky Promise. And for now, please raise your little pinky and let's make a promise for every sunset and every sunrise. Thank you, brooke, I appreciate you, I love you, I appreciate you, I love you and until next time. Bye everybody.

Speaker 2:

Let me just pause it as we conclude today's episode. Take a moment to reflect. Be proud of the journey, for every step that brings you closer to who you truly are. Embrace the kindness towards yourself as you did to each one of our guests. Honor the bravery in your actions and celebrate the importance of mental wellness with us. And remember it's an exercise that we practice daily. Continue to grow and flourish, knowing that we are in this training for our mental wellness together.

Speaker 2:

We are so proud to have you as part of our community, so join us on Instagram at our Oasis Community Podcast for more inspiring conversations, valuable resources and supported content, including journals, worksheets and content in Spanish. Exciting things are in the horizon. Our Oasis Community break rooms are coming soon to grab tools and take a break for your mental health. Also, we are featuring our six-month training ethical mental health coaching program, designed for new and experienced coaches, as well as holistic and healing professionals. Enroll to create a safe and transformative experience to your clients. Links in the bio. Until next time, take care, stay connected and welcome to our Oasis community.