No One is coming to save you

In this episode of No one is coming to save you, we're talking about what it really means to stop waiting for permission, motivation, or rescue. Sometimes you have to do it tired, do it anxious, do it angry, do It in complete chaos, and do it messy anyway. You are the narrator, creator, and decision maker of your own life, and the moment you realize no one is coming to save you, is the moment you finally take your power back. 

Transcript

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Hey guys, welcome to Fairly Family from Mamas, Miss Fitz, and Multitaskers. Just have your joints to find the cannabis. I'm a mama four, business owner, published author, fitness lover, and yes, I have a time to be on the mess. I have pissed with eating disorders and an outlet that I can literally fill an entire season of my face. This podcast is from all unfiltered and probably a little bit of overchargery, but it's everything you didn't know you needed. So grab a glass of wine and let's get honest. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Barely Balanced. First and foremost, I want to apologize for my voice because anytime I go away on a vacation or I'm out doing anything, my voice for some reason just decides to just peace out on me. I don't know. Um I have a cough, I have allergies, and I have no voice, but it's been a while since I popped on here and I didn't want to wait anymore. So I just decided, you know, I'm gonna pop on anyway with my raspy voice and everything. So anyway, welcome back. Um, today's episode is titled No One is Coming to See You. So this speaks volumes to me because as a mother, as a business owner, as just a person living in society right now, you always hear of people having big dreams and big goals, regardless if it's opening something, writing a book, having a child, um, running a marathon, starting a fitness journey, whatever the case may be. They always, and this is just like the generalized population, popular, oh my goodness, population. Um everyone always thinks that there's like a perfect timing for these types of things, and there's not. I can tell you first and foremost, um, first by having kids, you are never ready to have a child. I mean, yeah, like some people are or like a lot of people actively try to have children, yes. But the people out there that are like, I'll try when I'm this age, I'll try when I'm not ready. I'm not ready. You're never ready for anything. It just kind of has to happen to you. And then you adapt, you figure it out, you roll with the punches, and usually you figure it out. Um, you know, some people wait until they're more motivated for things. Like, maybe in a month or two, I'll be more motivated. Maybe I'll be out of this slump. Maybe I'll, you know, miraculously have more energy. That's not gonna happen either. So there's not gonna be a perfect timing, there's not gonna be more motivation, and there's not gonna be a version of you that all of a sudden has it all figured out. The trick is that like nobody really knows what they're doing, but some of us do it anyway. And I feel like that kind of speaks loud for me because I genuinely still don't know what I'm doing. I've been in business for two years, and mom of four, foster mom of one, in the middle of my second divorce, I don't know what I am doing. But I do know the goals and the dreams that I have. And I realized that, you know, no one is going to come and hand me a manual and be like, this is what you need to do. This is why you're here on this earth, this is what you were made for. It's like you go with these tiny little gut feelings and you just have to run with them. Um, you know, no version of you is ever gonna have it all figured out. And I'm not saying that to scare you. I say it because the moment you realize that, that is when everything becomes yours. That's when the world becomes your oyster. That's when you were like, I'm gonna show the world who the fuck I am, is when you realize nobody's coming to save you. No one's coming to hand you the book, no one's coming to hold your hands, no one's coming to to tell you what to do. It's your life, it's your life decisions. And at the end of the day, you get to decide what happens next in your chapter. And I had this little epiphany yesterday. I was having a little bit of a rough day. Of course I was, because I was having vacation anxiety. You know, I get debilitating anxiety, like I always talk about. Whenever I get home from a vacation, especially if it's one without my kids, I get extreme anxiety, like weird, weird anxiety thoughts too. Like, not like normal, like, oh my god, back to life, back to work anxieties. Like, no, like I'm a shitty parent. Why did I go on? Um, why did I go on a vacation? I need to change so many things about my life. I need to have people in the house eating better, I need to get better sleep, I need to become more organized. Like, I literally will contemplate my entire life all because I went on a vacation and I don't feel like I deserved a vacation. And that's something I'm working on within myself. Um, that's just like a thing for me. I will literally just contemplate every single decision I've ever made in my life. I'll cry. I was crying on the couch two days ago for literally no reason. And I'm on the phone and I'm explaining this, and I'm like, you know, talking to my boyfriend on the phone, and he's like, Why are you so upset? And now he's like, we just had an amazing trip. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, I need to be more organized. Uh, I need to make sure the kids are eating healthier. Um, I need to start making sure they're reading more before bed. And he's like, Where is this all coming from? I'm like, I literally don't know. I think it's like the alcohol intake and then all the bad food. Like, it really does affect my body in a different way. Um, because when I vacation, I vacation fucking hard. I won't lie. Uh, I think most of us do. Some of you guys, which is amazing, you'll go and you'll have like your nice little like water or your you're new your bubbly and you'll read a book. Not me. No, no, no. I wake up with my sisters. Um, we had espresso martinis, then we go from the pool to the boat to the beach to the club. And every day I was like, I'm gonna take a nap later. And every day I never took a nap. Not one time did I take a nap on 10-day vacation that I just came back from. So I had a little epiphany while I was so upset because I felt as if I was doing everything wrong. And then not only do I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, I feel like I have nobody. It's weird. It's like a weird anxiety slash alcohol, bad food, whatever I did to my body, it like it just fucking it murders my brain when I get home. So not only was I constipating my whole life, I was thinking I had nobody. Like no one loved me, no one cared about me, well is me, type shit. Don't know why, but I did. And some it's weird because I'll have those versions of myself, and then all of a sudden I'll be like, nah, nope, fuck this. I don't need no one. I got this shit. No, no one's coming to save me. There's never gonna be a right time. There's never gonna, I'm never gonna have more confidence, and it's never gonna be less chaotic for me. So if I have to, you know, plan my son's prom pictures, if I have to buy my daughter's, you know, dress that she has coming up for her winter um eighth grade dance, don't forget to buy the tickets. Don't forget to go um, you know, book my blood work. Don't forget to book my mammogram. Don't forget to book all my doctor's appointments, don't forget about the dentist appointments, the orthodontist appointments. Don't forget you are just gonna do it. You're gonna shut it and you're gonna do it because no one's coming to save you, right? You chose this life, you chose to have four children, adopt a fifth, be on your second divorce. These are choices I made, right? So my life's gonna stay messy probably for a while. My confidence maybe comes and goes here and there when I'm like, fuck yeah, I got this. And then other days I'm crying on the couch. And I don't understand it. It's like I have everything I've ever wanted. I am very blessed in that sense. I do work very hard for it, and I'm overcoming a lot of my anxieties. Not only do I drive on the highway now, which I've touched base on before, but I also promised myself when I came back from vacation that I was gonna start going to the grocery store instead of doing Instacart because I'm also trying to save money, but Instacart costs so much more money, but it's so much more convenient. But for someone with anxiety, sometimes something as simple as going to the grocery store can help help ease your anxiety. So after vacation, I did do one Instacart order, I won't lie. That's only because it was my day I got home, and I had like my ex did like get the things that I needed for the kids because he was with them um the whole week. But then I still needed stuff for like school and stuff like that. So I did do an Instacart order really quickly because I was exhausted. But the very next day or the day after, I did need more food. I always need food. I have to instacart or go to the grocery store at least four times a week. Um, so anyway, I went to the grocery store and I was like, fuck yeah, like I did that. I know it sounds dumb to some of you, but not to somebody who has extreme anxiety and the cont contemplates their entire life after just taking a well-deserved vacation. My throat is starting to act up again. My apologies. But when we sit around and we wait, right? When we sit around and wait for the right time, for more confidence, for less chaos, for someone to come and save us, we're just waiting. Our waiting is just fear, dressed up as planning, right? We feel like we need to sit and we need to just wait for everything to be just lined up perfectly. But the reality of it is you have to just do it anyway. You have to do it tired, you have to do it overwhelmed, you have to do it when you're doubting yourself. Because the people you look at and, you know, think that they got it all together, most likely they're going through the same shit. Some people can just, you know, express it differently. And a lot of people say that about me. That's why I made an episode, um, I think it was titled, um, Behind My Smile or something like that. Because like a lot of people will be like, I had no idea that you go through all that, but like I do. It's a thing. So I do try to do it tired. I do try to do it overwhelmed. I wipe my tears, I doubt myself every day. I always think I can be doing better. I'm always thinking of what else I can do to become a better human, to become a better mother, a better partner, a better boss. It never ends. And that tied into even the other night, my boyfriend was like, you know, even when we're together, like at dinner or whatever we're doing, you're present, but it's like you're not there. And that like kind of hit because it is the truth. Like, I'm there, I'm talking, I'm chatting, I'm laughing, but you can tell when my mind is elsewhere. It just never can relax. And I was even texting one of my instructors, because she's one of my besties, also from the trip, telling her I cannot relax. And she was like, Why? Like, relax. I got everything covered for you here. Have an amazing trip. You deserve this. And I was like, I don't know. I physically just couldn't relax. Your anxiety, it's a bitch. If it don't want you to have a good time, you won't have a good time. And it just trickled into coming home to it heightening. Did I enjoy most of the trip? Of course. I was with so many people that I love, but my anxiety is always along for the ride, it's very annoying, and I hate it, but I will still show up early mornings, late nights, when I don't feel like doing anything. I try to build something from nothing. I'm like, okay, well, this is something that has to be done. When although it like could wait, but I'm like, I get so anxious that it has to be done now, or I'm a piece of shit. And it's something that I'm genuinely working on. But I do feel like when you realize that you're kind of on your own in your life, like, yeah, you'll have supporters, yeah, you'll have partners, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles. But when you realize that you are the narrator of your life, and that doesn't mean your anxiety is gonna stop. Your anxiety usually shows up when it when something matters, right? When you're trying to be better at something, be a better human, you know, create goals for yourself, create goals for your children, create goals for your future. That's when the anxiety shows up because it's like it is worth it. But I don't find that to always be the case because I think that I should be able to enjoy a vacation or enjoy a dinner. So I am working on that personally. But what you have to genuinely do is try not to eliminate your anxiety, I guess, because that doesn't happen overnight. You have to try to just move with it and kind of just, I don't know, surrender. Surrender your thoughts, I guess. Like stop trying to fight against them and just surrender. And understand that you're not gonna wake up one day and just be fearless. You're gonna wake up anxious, you're gonna wake up upset, you're gonna wake up happy one day, you're gonna wake up feeling different ways every morning, but you have to do the thing anyway. Cause that that's just that's just it. You gotta do it anyway. That's the shift, right? When I realized outside, I was outside with my kids playing soccer, I was like, no, ain't no one's coming to save me. This is my life. I chose these things, I gotta get this shit done. And because I have an issue with I wouldn't say being an over-achiever because I just wouldn't classify me as that. I would classify me as just being super hard on myself no matter what I do. I feel like there's more I could be doing. But when I realized, you know, I can't count on everybody else to help me. I can't count on everyone else to create my happiness. I have to create my own happiness. I have children that look up to me. I have family, friends that need me. I have a business, you know, I have all these things, and like I said, I'm so blessed and so grateful. So why all the anxiety? Why? You know? And I also just overthink a lot about a lot of things. So then when I start overthinking, like when I was sitting out back for that moment in the woe is me, nobody loves me, no one cares about me. Again, that just came out of nowhere because I was going through withdrawal from my friggin' vacation, thinking I was awful for taking a vacation. The overthinking, then physical symptoms start popping up. I start thinking I have a you know, a pain in my chest. Um, I have all these tests coming up and just a regular routine test. I'm like, something's going to be wrong. I know it. I need to figure everything out. I need to get my kids situated. Like I'm like a lunatic when it comes to my thoughts. And they just never shut up. But excuse me. When I realized that no one's no one's coming to save me, I also thought to myself the haters and the noise like out in the worlds. Because I have a lot of them. Don't care. They're really just they're gonna judge me no matter what. So when I say that like no one's coming to save me, I don't mean that like people hate me. I just mean, you know, this is my life I created, so not everyone is going to be happy about the decisions that I've made. Not everybody is going to agree with the way I raise my kids. Not everybody is going to agree with lots of things that I do, and I don't really care because I don't I just don't. Like it's my life. And if you don't like it, then you don't really have to be part of it. You know what I mean? And I and I get vibes from people when they don't want to be in my life anymore. I'll get simple one-word text messages back, or I won't hear from them unless I text them first, and I'm just like, mm, whatever, you know what I mean? Like, and I think for the longest time I just kept thinking that I needed someone, or I needed validation, or I needed guidance when really I'm a strong, powerful woman, and no one is coming. Like, no matter who I have in my life, it's mine, so I'm gonna do what I want with it, right? And if people want to talk about me, that's fine. That just means I created space in their head and I'm still in there, and that's a compliment. I'm honored if you're still thinking about me, you know? If I'm still in your brain, if I'm visible to you, that means I'm doing something right. Because I mean, I don't give two shits about people that you know I'll just write people off in a second and then never give it like a second thought, especially if they do me dirty, that's just who I am. But if you know, people treat me like garbage and aren't responding to me or whatever the case may be, I don't care. Don't care. Live the life you want to live, I'll live the life I want to live. That's it. But it's I don't know. I just feel like personal responsibility is power, right? When I when I when I was outside and I realized, okay, this is my responsibility. This is my life, this is my responsibility to make the changes I want to make. If I want to get up at 5 a.m. and write out my list of things I have to do for the day so I'm more organized, that's what I need to do. If I want to make sure my kids are still are reading more books at night, that's what I need to do. If I want to make sure they're eating more veggies, that's what I need to do. That's my responsibility, that's my power to take with me to create the life that I envision, right? We all have, if you just take a moment, and if someone said to you, like, you could have any life you want, what would it be? It doesn't matter how much money it costs, it doesn't matter if it sounds completely out of out of whack, what would it be? Right? Like what would you choose? And I feel as if I basically am almost at that point. Almost. There's still a few more things that I would like to have into place, but it's not, you know, always my fault or your fault about how your life looks to others, but it is your responsibility to change it if you don't like it because your personal responsibility is your power, right? And that's not a burden at all. It's your power. So, yeah, that's your power. I had to pause it to actually cough up a lung because, like I said, I don't know what's going on with my throat. But at the end of the day, this is a short little one. I just it was something that compelled me in the moment. Um I'm gonna close with this and just say that just remember no one is coming to save you, but that does not mean you're alone. Like I said, you could have a village standing behind you, and that's amazing, but it means you're capable so do the things you want to do start messy start scared start anxious start in chaos but start today and just figure it out on the way that's what you have to do and like I said you are not going to look like the picture of perfection to everyone in everyone's eyes right that's why I don't judge anyone I have so many people in my life right now going through so much shit doing their own damn thing and I do not judge I don't give a fuck I'm just there to support because I know that not everyone understands my decisions and I don't care I mean do I have anxiety sometimes yeah but I mean most of the time yeah I do but I mean just know that you're not alone you know I was terrified to open a fitness studio terrified not only because I was afraid that it would bring me back into my old ways and have an eating disorder again not only was I afraid that no one would come to the studio I was afraid that it would just bring me back to this unhealthy mentally physically like I mean and I'm not gonna lie I have reverted a little tiny bit but I am going to make a whole episode on that but it's not gonna be on here it'll probably be the next one so stay tuned for that one but I was scared shitless to do it but guess what I did it anyway I did it scared did I have people standing behind me yes I did and I do not um and I will never forget that I did have people standing behind me lifting me up which does help but even if you don't you don't need anyone else you got the power in your own mind to do it yourself okay and you have to just ask yourself sometimes like what are you waiting for right like what are you waiting for if you know you should start start if you know you have the ability to do this do it because as you continue on in whatever journey you're on you'll be you're gonna be fine I one more example I when I was younger said I didn't want any children because I didn't think that I was gonna know how to be a mother when I got pregnant with my son at 21 my complete life changed and he changed me for the better. I was not ready at 21 years old to have him but I did it anyway and guess what? It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my actual entire life my son has shown me more in life than I could ever imagine. He was my first love my first everything and me and him grew up together and I was so scared because I didn't think I was gonna be able to do it and I didn't want to fail him. I didn't want to fail him and although we did grow together and I'm sure I did make a lot of mistakes actually I know I made a lot of mistakes I can't say I think I did I know I did nobody's perfect at 21 nobody's perfect at 40 we all make mistakes but you gotta do it anyway do the damn thing do it scared do it messy do it in the chaos quiet the mind surrender the thoughts and move it along build your life that you want to build for yourself don't let your anxiety don't let the fear don't let these things happen it's funny because I've given a few people advice and they've taken it and they're so much happier and I can sit here and I can record a thousand podcasts about this but I'm still battling with it. I'm struggling daily I was just crying two days ago I had to bust out my personal development book that I love that really gets me going. It helped me in a really rough time in my life and I had to bust that out again and start rereading it again. I there's mental things I have to do for my brain to you know rewire it. So remember no one's coming to save you you still have people in your corner but it's your decision okay create the life you want to create surround yourself with people that want to be surrounded by you and surround yourself by people that when you walk out of a room you know they got your back still okay they're my words of wisdom for the day do the damn thing you can do it if I can do it anyone can do it okay I can promise you that right now we can dig deep into my brain throughout these episodes and regardless if you're a mom if you're not a mom a business owner or not a business owner we all have these internal battles with ourselves daily and you need to rewire your brain to understand no one is coming to save you you need to save yourself you need to do things for yourself you need to do things to internally make yourselves happier and I am still actively working on it and that is all for that so stay tuned for the next episode because I am going to dig a little bit deeper back into eating disorders and things like that about how I kind of reverted a bit especially before vacation but if I'm being quite honest my throat is killing me so I'm gonna sign off here with this with this one. But um thank you guys so much for listening and I hope you guys have an amazing day and again remember who you are remember what you bring to the table and never ever devalue yourself and don't let anybody dictate your happiness and don't let anyone dictate your life. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. Bye guys and thanks so much for listening. Have a great rest of your day