Body Shaming

In this episode, we dive into the impact of body shaming, unsolicited comments about appearance, and the pressure to use supplements. Join me for honest talk about fostering confidence, respect, and a more supportive fitness community for everyone. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to Fairly Balanced for moms, misfits, and multitaskers just out here trying to survive the chaos. I'm a mama four, business owner, published author, fitness lover, and yes, I haven't died. We all know this. I have pants with eating disorders and a childhood that could literally fill an entire season of methods. This podcast is raw, unfiltered, and probably a little bit of over-sharing, but it's everything you didn't know you needed. So grab a glass of wine and let's get honest. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Barely Balanced. Again, I know it's been a while. I'm dealing with some stuff, guys, mentally, but I'm here today and I'm making a goal for myself to do one podcast a week right now, instead of trying to be crazy and do two or three. I'm gonna do one a week, and then from there, I'm gonna try to keep it on Tuesdays just to be consistent. And then from there, I'll hopefully add on another one. But I wanted to touch base today on the subject that I mainly created this account for, which is the eating disorders in the body dysmorphia and things like that. Now, obviously, the title is barely balanced, so it does touch base on mom life, anxiety, mental health, physical health, all of the things. But what really compelled me to create the podcast was my issues with eating and the things that um I've learned along the way since I've had an eating disorder since I've been about 12 or 13. So um me being in the fitness industry, owning my own studio, meeting a bunch of different people, men, women, like I said in prior episodes, you would never guess who has eating disorders and who hasn't experienced it. But I get very, very flabbergasted at the amount of people that silently suffer. Now, I had a client today um talk to me about her um that she used to have an eating disorder, and I would never have guessed. She's a beautiful girl. Um, and me's she does she's a gorgeous girl. So I and I don't look at people's bodies in any way. I I look at their faces. I don't really, it's like a trauma thing for me. I used to be um different and I would judge people, and I'm not ashamed to say that because I'm not that person anymore, but um I'm not like that now. So uh she apparently there's you know all these, you know, shots out that people take now to lose weight, which I'm not doubting that. People can do whatever they need to do to, you know, create the body that they they want. Um, but when people are going up to random people and saying, hey, have you ever thought about taking the Magovi? Or have you ever thought about taking the GLP wands? Hey, have you ever tried this fat burner? It's essentially saying to that person, you think that they need that. And I find that very rude because A, you don't just walk up to a person that is in a fitness facility working on themselves mentally and physically. They're there to work on themselves. They do not need somebody coming up to them asking them if they are thinking about trying a diet supplement. Um, if that was me that somebody had said that, to me, that would have ruined my entire day. So luckily, this woman, an amazing woman, she let it slide and, you know, it rolled off her back. But little did this other person know this woman has a past with eating disorders. So that right there could have wrecked her entire day. Just somebody asking her a question if she ever thought about trying these supplements. Um, and I I it sat, I sat there and I was perplexed because I was just like, who would go up to someone and just say, hey, have you ever thought about taking, you know, whatever? Like it's kind of like it's one thing if you say, like, hey, have you ever thought about taking creatine or um, you know, have you ever thought about taking probiotics or whatever the case may be? Like things that are gut healthy or things for your skin or whatever. To me, that's different. But when you go up to someone and you blatantly ask them, have you ever tried, um, have you ever thought about trying this, you know, fat burner, this shot, this whatever the case, maybe it's it's implying that you think that person needs it. And I just don't understand where people get off thinking that they can comment on other people's bodies and where people can, I don't know, just like, why are you even worried about what this other person looks like? Like, why are you looking at their bodies and then like essentially judging and asking them if they want to use a weight loss product? I was kind of just blown away by that statement. And then I got into the conversation with the girl, the woman, sorry, and she had told me she is recovering, she was recovering from an eating disorder. She had one in the past, and I was like, Oh my god, so did I. Um, because not everybody knows, not everybody has read my books, not everyone listens to the podcast, so I don't really talk about it that much. Like, I don't just walk around and say, Hey, you know, I had an eating disorder, you know. Um, and I said, so did I, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, Yeah, you know, I used to be 100 pounds. I was a built like a brick shit house. And I said, Oh my God, so was I. Like, and she's like, but I was mean, and I was like, so was I, which is so funny. I guess, you know, when you are, you got that perfect body, as you would say, the perfect in quotes. I don't know what everybody's I, you know, everyone's image of perfect is different in their head, right? To me, in that moment in my life, being 100 pounds, wearing a size zero that were baggy, that was my perfect body. I don't think that now, but I did then. She had said when she was that skinny, she was mean to other people because she was mentally not okay. She would look at people that were maybe a little overweight and say, like, oh, you can't lose weight. Like, yeah, you can. Like, she would judge them. And I was like, wow, so did I. I remember one instance specifically, I worked at Lone Star Steakhouse, and again, I was a size zero. Uh, and I had a co-worker, and she ate was eating like a burger and like a sweet potato and like French fries too, like all of those things on her plate. And I remember looking at her and thinking in my head, like, wow, I can't believe she's going to eat all those carbs. Like, I cannot believe she's going to eat a burger and a sweet potato and fries. Like, like, does she not care what her body looks like right now? And she was a beautiful girl. She was bigger than me. She was bigger than a size zero, because most women are. Um, and if you are a size zero, I'm not doubting that. I'm just saying, you know, most women are. We're we're all we all have different body types, whatever the case may be. We're all taller, shorter, whatever. We're all have different bone structures and things like that. But I'm like, why is she eating all that? Like, I totally was judging her, totally hardcore judging the shit of what she was eating. And then I would hyper focus on what other people ate. Because when I was at Then, I thought it was so easy for other people to lose weight, and I thought it was so easy just to just to stop and just to lose the weight, and all you gotta do is just stop eating and exercise. It's really not that hard. And come to find out, there's a lot more that goes into it, and it's hormonal, it's mental, it's all the things wrapped up in one that can affect your weight loss, that can affect your body being toned, that can affect your mental health, your physical health. There's just so many things wrapped up in one. And her saying when she was that thin she used to be mean, and I was like, wow, so was I, is like insane because it's like when you reach your goals and you're but you're super unhealthy doing it, you think like you look at other people and you look down on them, like, mm-hmm. You can do it. Like, wow, just you know, as she was eating that burger and sweet potato, I had just had a handful of almonds. And I think I had my go-to there was like a salad with a little bit of a like a kid's sirloin steak on top with like sugar-free dressing or something, I don't know, and then a thing of almonds, and that was like it, and I would work like all day, and whatever. I liked it. I was like, it is what it is. I'm this skinny, I love it. And but I was like very judgmental at that point in my life, and I and like I'm not ashamed to say it. It is what it is, like I'm not that person anymore. I grew. I may still be battling and struggling, but I I grew. My mindset grew, which is good. Now, do I gag to eat food? I do. Uh sometimes I'm forcing myself to eat food just because I know I need to eat and I'm working out a lot, so I know I need to use food as fuel. So I am programming my brain to look at food normally. And I mean, I gag sometimes when I eat. I'm not gonna lie. I'm like, I have to sit there a minute and whatever, it happens. It's what I gotta do. It's my journey. We're all on our own journey. This is mine. Well, I just couldn't understand why somebody else felt the need to comment this to someone else. And then I had another instance before, like, I just don't get it. Like when I look at someone, I don't look, I don't, I'm not looking at their arms, their legs, their nothing. I'm literally looking at their face. And I don't know if it's a trauma thing for me because I had an eating disorder for so long, but I just don't feel the need to, I don't care, like what they're about. Why do I care? Like I don't care, you know, I don't care what you're eating, like, whatever, you know. And I re I I and then like when that happened today, when she told me that, that somebody approached her and said that, I was like, wow. And I I have some instances in my brain that I remember. I was like at a campground once, and I won't use any names because I just don't always like to use names if it's not, you know, talked about or or proved. Um and someone I knew had gained a little bit of weight. And then someone else came to visit the cabin that we were at and hadn't seen this person in a while, and said something like, Oh, uh, wow, um, looks like you put on a little weight there. Like, oh, maybe, maybe you gotta lay off the, you know, the snacking, or you're eating a little too many snacks or something. Like, I I don't remember the exact words, but I remember I said, and then this other person went into the room and and she cried, and I had to like essentially yell at the other person, and I said, like, you can't talk to people like that. Like, you can't, she's in the room crying now because you sat here and said she gained weight, and they were like, Well, she did. And I was like, Okay, you don't need to like point out that she gained weight. Like, I'm pretty sure she probably knows, you know, uh, we're not like fucking oblivious. Like, if we gain weight, we fucking know. Our clothes feel fucking different, we feel shitty. We don't need people pointing it the fuck out, you know. Um, and I had her back, of course. And I'm just like, what the fuck? Like, why the fuck do people feel the need to talk about other people's bodies? Like, whatever. Like, we we all look different, we all have different fitness goals, we all have like different dreams and whatever. Sometimes people just work out solely for mental, you know, mental um clarity. Some people work out for physical, some people work out for both. It's it's that person's journey versus nobody but them. So it's them and their journey. Nobody has a right to comment on their body, what it looks like, what size genes they're in, if they're on the shot, if they're on a pill, if they're on a fat burner, if they need a fat burner, if they should exercise more. Like it's just too much. And I just feel like people are oblivious sometimes to the world around them and the words that people say to other people could really ruin someone's day. You never know what anyone's going through. And I'm sure that this person, when they approached her and asked her this question, I'm sure they didn't know that she used to have an eating disorder, but that's the whole point. Like, you don't know what anyone's going through. You don't know what their past looks like. You don't know. They could have just been 300 pounds and lost a hundred, and then you're approaching them, asking them if they want to try this supplement or if they ever thought about trying. You don't even know, they didn't even know each other either, which was even more wild. And I'm like, that's not okay. Like, that's not gonna happen again, you know. That's just not gonna happen. It's not a thing. Um and I just felt the need to discuss that because I feel like if people were unhappy with themselves, that's when you start nitpicking other people. And I know some people in my life like that, and it it is quite I can't really put my finger on it, what it what I like to call it, but it it's like, you know, you just when you want to look at someone else and you just immediately notice their body right away, it's like maybe you got some things you gotta work on up there mentally because it really shouldn't matter what their physical body looks like, it should matter what's on the inside. And I'm all about being healthy. And I'm not talking like I am some perfect person and like I don't have issues because like I do. You know, I I will be mentally fucked for days if I eat bad or whatever. I had the last episode that I think that's what I talked about, my how fucked up I was after my vacation. Uh and then I had a night out a couple like last weekend with my girlfriends, and same thing happened. I I was fucked for like three to four days just about because just because I eat food and drank, and I just like I'm done. I I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm on a strict diet regimen right now, a strict workout routine, strict sleep schedule, and that is what I gotta do for my mental health. I'm back to, you know, I have to do what I have to do for my mental mental health. Hopefully, you know, my body makes the changes that I want it to make, but if it doesn't, at least my mental health is getting better every day. And that's to me is what's most important because I have to show up for five kids and you know, my life and my clients and my just my friends, my family. I have to show up for people. So for me, my mental health is extremely important, and that's my main reason why I'm doing what I'm doing. I feel happier when I eat more, as long as it's healthy food. I feel happier when I work out every single day, and you know, even my kids know like if I eat something bad, my stomach will actually hurt. Like they'll be like, Mom, you know, your belly's gonna hurt after that. Like if we're out and I decide to get an ice cream or something, like my stomach will hurt. It's weird. Sometimes I will just go through the pain because I do still like to enjoy life, but um, yeah, so back to the topic. I just feel like if you're going through something, if you're battling something within yourself, like don't project that onto other people. Don't just think that you can go up to other people and ask them if they've ever thought to try, you know, a weight loss shot. Because that in general will hurt people's feelings. We have no right to comment on other people's bodies. Like, yes, is it our opinion? You can have an opinion if you want, but really that's like it's your business. Like, keep it to yourself. Like, there's no need to make somebody else feel bad about themselves when, like I said, you don't know what kind of day they had and you don't know the journey they're on. They could have just lost 50, 100 pounds, and then you saying that would really set them back and really put them in a bad mental state to the point where maybe they want to walk out of the class now. Maybe they don't want to come back. Maybe you just deterred them for the rest of the month. Maybe they're gonna go home and cry and whatever the case may be. You just kind of got to keep your opinions to yourself and understand that everyone's on their own journey and everybody's body is beautiful just the way it is. If you want to work on your body, if the person next to you wants to work on their body, if your cousin, aunt, uncle, whoever it is, let them work on it the way they want to work on it. And like I said in prior episodes, the eating disorders do not discriminate. They don't care if it's, you know, it doesn't matter. Man, woman, kid, teenagers, it affects all the people. And it is a thing. And I feel like like so many people now that I own a studio, now I know so many, and I'm like, oh my god, I need to start promoting more like my experiences and my knowledge, not saying because I'm not healed, so it's not really, it's just when somebody has a real person to talk to and a real and that this person understands them and they really are related, like this person's relatable. They're like, oh wow, like I felt so alone type deal. Like it's it's it's nice to tell these people these things and they relate to me when you know, because like I said, I don't really push it on people that I wrote a book or I have a podcast on it and things like that, but it does it does help people because when I end up telling them, well, you know, I had two books, I wrote two books on it, and I do have a podcast that does touch base a lot on these things, like, oh my god, really? That's so amazing. I would never have guessed. And like, and then we'll start comparing stories and things like that, and it's relatable to other people because a lot of people think they're alone, a lot of people don't talk about it, and a lot of people have their own shit that they deal with, and they don't really want to bother people with like the way they're eating. And it's weird because and then it's weird because in my life I had so many people that I know that struggle with food, either eating too much of it, not eating enough of it, um, you know, making themselves throw up, uh, you know, overuse of extra, like over exercising, overuse of supplements, which I admitted I did that before my um vacation, um, and messed my gut bacteria up or whatever so much that I was inflamed. It was it was awful. Um it it's it's insane because it's just like a thing that people aren't understanding that we don't really want to talk about with other people, but we kind of like just want to look at everyone and like think everyone is beautiful just the way they are. Like there's no reason to have that conversation with somebody. You don't, it's none of your business if they are on a supplement, if they are on a diet pill, a shot, what they're eating, it's none of your business. If they want to talk to you about that, they will talk to you about that. But I just get so it's wild to me when I feel like people have the right to be like, oh hey, you look like you gained a little weight there. Like, no shit, really. Like, like I said, this isn't me personally, but it's like I've been there, I've seen it, I've heard it, I see what it does to people. And it's it's something that people just need to work on and understand. And, you know, especially, you know, if you have an eating disorder and like you get pregnant, oh my God, forget it. Your your mind goes into overload, overload on like how you're gonna lose that baby weight as soon as the baby pops out. And you're not even cleared to work out for six weeks, but like you, if you have an eating disorder, you did have an eating disorder, you get pregnant, it's like, oh my God, you're instantly just worried about not gaining weight. It it's insane. So people that suffer with eating disorders, you know, body dysmorphia, and I know a lot of people that suffer with that more so than um eating disorders in general, but we can't have people coming up to us and commenting on our body. Like we don't we don't want that. We we just don't. It it's not something we want to hear um, you know, even if someone lost weight. It's like we don't even want to talk about it, period, in general at all. It's like pretend we don't even have a body, pretend it's just our head. Like that's like we don't want any anything to be talked about at all. And I think it's hard for people that don't have issues with eating your food to understand that. But it's a thing. So I'm gonna start promoting the book more because I do think it is is going to help people, and I'm actually going to um gift um my two books to this person because, like I said, they didn't know that I had wrote them, and it's very relatable content, it's very raw, it's real, it's literally basically unedited. And I'm gonna just like buy it for her and give it to her as a little gift and write her a little note because I feel her, like I feel it. Like when people People, when I see people and I hear people's stories, it's like it takes me right back to when I was this 12-year-old girl going through it, and now I'm 40 and I'm still going through it, and it's so hard. It's so fucking hard. It's easier for me when I work out, because then I feel like I can indulge a bit more if I'm exercising every single day. But if I'm not exercising, like I no, it's not a thing. Like food isn't a thing. And like we needed to live. So um, but you know, I I had an episode, I want to say, what day was it? I don't remember. It was recent, like three days ago maybe, when I like said to my um, I said to my boyfriend on the phone, I was just like, he's like, like, why are you so upset today? Blah blah blah. And I was just like, I feel like a freaking fat elephant today. Like, I don't and he was like, Are you kidding? Like, what are you talking about? And I was just like, I just I just don't even I was like, I don't even want to talk about it. Like I just I feel puffy, like I feel like my face, like I I I feel like and I'm not gaining weight, I'm not, I'm actually depuffing because I'm been stricter, but it's like our brains are the problem. So don't go up to people and ask them if they're thinking about taking the Wagovy shot or going on, you know, a diet pill. It's it's really rude and it's inconsiderate. And I understand a lot of people, you know, there's no harm in it. A lot of people they don't mean to do it. Um, but it's just rude. Like, why would you even think to ask somebody if they're thinking about that? Um, and then I had another instance too, that somebody had said about one of my instructors that like, what did she say? She said something like, Well, I'm not taking her class or something because I don't she d should you should have a nicer body to work here, or something like that. I don't know, something about her body. I don't remember exactly what it was, because again, I was flabbergasted because I'm like, what the fuck? And um that obviously had to get dealt with because the girl, the girl that she said it about was beautiful, had an amazing body, like like a strong, healthy, beautiful body. Like I don't know like why people feel the need to speak about other women's bodies and talk about it. And then another instance, like all these things keep popping up. Another one of my friends that I know, she had somebody like call her, like friggin' um say stuff on her Instagram. And then I rallied my troops and was like, oh no, we are commenting on this because this is not okay, that she's gonna speak about another woman's body on Facebook, on Instagram. That is not okay. This is disrespectful. This is disgusting. And we all did get on Instagram and we did roast this other girl because it's like, how dare you get on here and talk shit on one of my closest friends? A. B, it's disgusting that you're on here and you feel the need to speak about another woman's body on a social media platform where everybody can read it and see it. Like, that says a lot about your character and nothing about the like the girl's character that she was talking about. Like, who does that shit? Like, you everyone's just gotta get it together. Like, it it's just it's insane. It's an insane topic that people just don't even think it's like a big deal, but it it genuinely is. It affects so many people, and you would never understand how many people it actually affects. I notice people, um I notice uh people right now, um they're on uh they're on the shots, which is fine, like I said. Um but uh I'll see like the skinniest of skinny people and I'll see them putting on like a waist trainer belt before they work out, or I'll see um, you know, them taking supplements or you know, talking about uh, you know, what they didn't eat or when's the last time they ate, or and it's just like I'm surrounded by people that are on, you know, oh it's it's ozempic. That's it, see. I knew it would pop to pop in my brain. I couldn't think of that other damn shot. Anyway um I'm surrounded by people that are hyper fixated on you know what they're what they look like. Not everyone, but I like I just catch it here and there. Like I'll see someone that's probably a you know, super tiny, and I'll see them putting on like a waist trainer belt and like the you know the sweat belt and you know, all the things, and I'm just like, you know, I'm not I don't say anything because it's none of my business, but it just makes me sad because it's like they don't understand how beautiful they actually look. And it sucks because you know, people could tell me, you know, you look this way, you look great, you look like that, you look like this, and I'm like, no, I don't, like, thanks, but like, no, that's not a thing. So I get it, you know, but I am surrounded by it. I'm like swimming in a pool of people that have eating disorders or have had eating disorders or have body dysmorphia or struggle with food or don't know the right foods to eat or hyperphyxiate on things or overuse of supplements, and it's surrounded, I'm surrounded by it. And I just feel like we all need to be a little kinder to each other and maybe not approach people, random people you do not know at that fact, at that point, and ask them if they've ever thought about trying a diet pill or if they ever thought about taking in GLP1 or the Ozempic or Wagovie or whatever the case may be. I don't think it's right. I think it's rude, and I think that we need to all learn to kind of keep our opinions to ourselves because, like I said, you don't ever know that could have ruined that person's day completely. It would have ruined mine. I know that for a damn fact. I would have been done, I would have been shut down for the whole day. So let's try to keep in mind to be kinder to people because we don't know, you know, and and like I said, it was probably harmless, but I am not that person anymore. I don't judge people, I don't even look at people's bodies. Like I said, uh sometimes it's like just cover everything and just show our heads. And like that would be it. Like that's just where I'm at in my life. I do it more for mental versus physical. Um, but I have a lot of knowledge and a lot of uh, what would you say? A lot of experience with the with the everything, with the throwing up, with the not eating, with the overuse of exercise, overuse of diet pills, um, all the fad diets, too much, you know, trying to get in all the protein, then the keto, then the South Beach, then the um, you know, the reset diet, the juice cleanse, the pills that promise you'll lose 10 pounds in in 10 days, um, you know, the fucking, there's like a coffee out now, there's all these uh drinks, little packets, there's all kinds of shit on the market right now that do in fact reel me in still. I will still sit there and stare, read all the comments, then another thing will pop up because obviously your algorithm follows what you read and what you look at. So then another diet thing will pop up. I will click on the the um, I will click on the comments and I will read it. Then another thing will pop, and I'm like, I cannot, I need to figure out what I want to do here and just be done with it. And I remember when I was at my fittest, I wasn't taking any supplements, I think just a probiotic. Oh, I I ate a balanced diet and I worked out, I think four to five days a week, but only for like 30, 40 minutes a day. It wasn't like two hours a day, nothing crazy, no two, three hours a day. Um, and I was in the best shape because I was eating healthy, I was working out, and I did give myself the weekends off. I did indulge on the weekends. Now I didn't over-indulge, I didn't like eat all day, every day bad foods, but I would eat pizza on the boardwalk, fried Oreos, have a drink, like I enjoyed life and worked out and ate healthy for the most part. So I'm trying to get back to that mentally, and so that's what I'm trying to get back to. I don't know. Hopefully, I didn't go off topic there because my daughter knocked on the door, so I had to pause it. But um, yeah, so that's what I'm doing for my mental health, trying to get back to just eating a balanced diet, working out, and indulging and enjoying life. We are forgetting to enjoy life. People that have eating disorders or body dysmorphia, we forget to enjoy life because all we think about is food. All we think about is what we're gonna eat, what we're not gonna eat, when we're gonna eat, um, wait, when we're gonna eat, when we're not gonna eat, what we're gonna eat, how much of it we're gonna eat, and then if God forbid we want a snack or something, we'll self-loat, we'll get in the shower, we won't want to go to certain events because we won't want, you know, I won't want to wear a tank top somewhere. We won't go to certain events because we won't want to be in bathing suits. We won't go to a certain event because just because we just feel like our face looks fat or um we're having a fat day or something. Like it really affects us in ways that people don't even understand. Like with summer approaching, I get anxious to have my arms out. Crazy as shit, right? I first of all, I never wear shorts. I did feel I did wear shorts on the cruise. No, I wore like my bathing suit cover, which obviously showed my legs and stuff like that when I just was on my cruise. But when summer's approaching, I get anxiety. I know it's time to step it up because I will feel uncomfortable. I will not want to go places if I don't feel comfortable with my own skin. Even if I'm fully clothed, I won't even want to wear a fucking tank top. If I go somewhere, I was just at a baby shower and I was like in a pea coat, like like it wasn't as thick, it wasn't like an actual coat. I didn't know it was gonna be warm. I had a tank top on under it, but I had to take the jacket off because it was so hot. I was so uncomfortable. Nobody knows that. And if anyone listens to this, I was at that baby shower, they're not even you're gonna, they were gonna be like, oh my god, you felt yes, I did. I did not want my arms out. I did not expect to have my arms out, they're not ready to be out. And that sounds silly, right? They're like, they're just fucking arms. Like, just be a normal fucking person and put on the fucking tank top, right? But no, we, the people that have these issues, these thoughts, these problems, we worry about little tiny things. It could be your feet being out, it could be, like I said, your thighs, your arms, your stomach, your face, your neck. We all pick apart every single thing about our bodies that we want to change. And when the weather starts getting nice, most people are pumped and happy, not me, because I feel like now I gotta step it up. Now I gotta be in a bathing suit soon. Now I gotta wear a fucking tank top. If I wear fucking jeans to a 4th of July party, I look like a fucking idiot. Because I still do it. I'll I'll still do it. You'll see me in jeans in 100 degrees. That's who I am. That's never gonna change. And if it does, I don't even know. If you ever see me out in shorts or a dress, a short dress, not a long dress, a short dress, I don't know. Then maybe I'm healed because you won't see me out in that, like in a regular day ever. Um, I'm hoping to change that one day. But uh, you know, our minds are constantly consumed with things of food and supplements and the next best thing and what's gonna help us lose the weight and what's gonna do this and what's gonna do that, and it never shuts up. So be kind to people that you know go through this because we battle it every day more than you would ever know. It's not just a simple, oh, she's not eating. No, no, no. We think about food, I don't now, but I just won't think about it at all. But when I went through it in high school, you would just think about food all the time. What you're gonna eat, when you're gonna eat it, what time you're gonna eat it, how much of it you can eat. If you're God forbid you're at a birthday party and someone's eating a soft pretzel frickin' rod, you want one. You eat it, and then you feel bad about it, and you fucking hate yourself. And you're like, why did I fucking do that? Now my stomach's gonna hurt later. That just happened to me. I was watching my son get prom pictures. We were leaving. I had my two-year-old with me. He wanted pretzel rods. They had like a pretzel tray. They gave me some in a little Ziploc baggie. Guess what I did on the way home? I ate almost every single pretzel little rod out of the baggie because I can't help myself. I had one, and then guess what I did when I got home? I felt really shitty about myself. I said, Why did I eat all those pretzels? I did not need to do that. And then I just talked myself out and I was like, whatever, I fucking forgot about it because I'm so busy, I don't even have time to like loathe about pretzels that I ate. But be kind to us people because we are struggling more than you know. Don't go around and ask people if they want to try a diet pill or a pill, I mean, or a um shot, if they worked out today. And specifically, one of my biggest things in high school too was when people noticed if I ate bad. Because I never ever ate bad in high school ever. But then if I did, like say I ate a cheesesteak one day at lunch and someone noticed it, if someone said, like, oh my god, you're eating a cheesesteak, that that was it. It turned me off, I wouldn't finish it. It would be done, it would get thrown away. Don't point out what people were eating either. Like it's just a thing for us. Everyone's mind works differently when it comes to eating disorders and we're battling it all differently. We all have different triggers. So don't like comment on what people were eating. Don't comment on if you think they need to be on a pill or something like that. And don't comment on how much weight they lost. Don't comment, don't ask them about it, don't ask what pant size they are. Don't ask, don't ask anything about it. We we we are all triggered in a different way. And you don't know what that trigger is because they're not gonna tell you. You're not gonna know because we don't talk about our triggers out loud. We're not just like, hey, don't ask me about this, this, this, this, this, or this, because this will all trigger me and then I will be upset. It will ruin my day, and then that's it. Like for me, I go to the doctors every six months, I turn my head, I ask them, please do not say it out loud. I do not look at the scale anymore. I do not let a number define me. I do not want it to ruin my day. So, no, I do not know how much I weigh. I know how my jeans fit. I know that I went down a jean size. I am comfortable. I would like to go down one more size. If not, just a little bit more toned. That's my physical, that's what I want for me and my personal goals. Do I know how much I weigh? I do not because I get on the scale at the doctor's, I will turn my head and I say to them, I verbally say to them, please do not say it out loud. They don't even write it on the paperwork. My doctor knows me, she knows my anxieties. It is a thing. It may sound dumb to you. Some people like to measure their progress through the scale, through a number. I do not. I like to measure my progress through how the way my clothes fit and the way I feel about myself on the inside and on the outside. So that's what I do. That's how I measure my happiness through my journey of food and eating disorders and things in that nature. So I'm gonna sign off now, but moving forward, if you're listening, I say this in all the episodes, you're not alone. I'm here. A lot of people go through it than you more than you would ever know. So please be kind to people around you. You do not know if, especially if you're in a gym atmosphere, a fitness studio, don't talk about the foods, don't talk about the shots, don't talk about if you want to try, don't ask somebody if they want to try a diet pill. Don't do that. If you want to talk supplements with people, whatever, talk supplements, but don't say, hey, have you ever thought about trying this? Because then you're just implying that you think that they need to lose weight. And that could really fuck someone's mindset up for the rest of the day. And that's not right. Let everyone be. Let them do what they want to do. They're there to work on themselves, you're there to work on yourselves, and that's it. Don't comment on anyone else's body. It's not your body. Worry about your body, worry about what you put in your own body, and that's it. Like I said, we're all triggered from different things. You don't know what they are. Again, I don't think people do it maliciously. I think it's just we don't think about it. You don't think about what that could do, what that comment could do to somebody that has a toxic relationship with food or eating. So be kind to the people around you. Don't comment on their bodies, especially at a gym, a fitness studio. That's their safe space, that's their second home. They're there to work on something. They're there for a reason. So leave them be. You worry about yourself, they'll worry about their self, and that's just how it should be. Keep working on your mental health, keep working on your physical health. We gotta stay healthy here, people. But let's not make anyone else feel bad about themselves in the process. Everybody's beautiful just the way they are. We all work on things for different reasons. So that's just let it be that, right? We all look amazing. We're all working on things for whatever the case may be. So be kind to people. We're all just here living, right? Just trying to live the best life we can live. So thank you guys so much for listening. Again, I'm gonna hold myself accountable and I am going to record one every Tuesday. And if you are struggling with an eating disorder or a body dysmorphia, or you have problems with food, please remember to just be kind to yourself and try to program your brain. You gotta master the mind. Mine isn't mastered yet, but I am working on it. I promise you, I am. It's been debilitating the last month or so for me. But you gotta master the mind and then you'll master the rest of your body. I promise you that. When I have a good mental day, I feel amazing in my skin. And we all know if you struggle, if you have a bad mental day, it ruins your entire day. You can't enjoy shit. So be kind to yourself. Try to master your thoughts. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful. Look in the mirror, pick out one thing about yourself that you love and go off of that. Okay. And if uh you've never seen this movie, I recommend you guys watching I Feel Pretty. It's a very, very good movie. She thinks that uh this wishing well turned her skinny or whatever. Really, she looks exactly the same, but it just changed her mindset. And she walks around, her head held high, she thinks she looks beautiful. When before she, you know, thought she was heavy, she thought everyone, no one liked her, she thought she was disgusting, you know. And then once she threw this coin in a wishing well, she thought, you know, she looked completely different. And like she even like to her friends was like, It's me, like I know, like, and she's like, I know you can't recognize me, but it's me. And like they were looking at her like you're crazy. Like she looked exactly the same, but her mindset was changed. And then there's a lot more to the movie where things happen, and then her mindset flips back, and then she sees a picture of herself before and a picture after, and then she realizes it was the same exact fucking girl, but her mindset was different. She felt different in the one scene and then different in the next scene. And she was like, wait a minute. Um I was the same girl. I looked exactly the same in both of these pictures, but it was her mindset that was different. It's a very good movie. It's called I Feel Pretty. If you haven't seen it, especially if you struggle with these things, you should watch it. I watch it all the time. It's a very good movie. Um, but yes, I'm going to go now. I will talk to you guys next Tuesday. Have a great week and thank you so much for listening. Have an amazing evening.