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When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the coercive influence of her abusive gatekeeper partner, in the heart of the global pandemic and after several years of trying to sort through our erratic relationship, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
I understand now that for a very long time, through her high school and college years, she tried to get her messages across to me. I recall instances when she asked me to listen, pay attention, and understand her better, to accept her evolving boundaries, to recognize her as an emerging adult, and to adjust my communication style to be more respectful of her emerging adulthood. She needed and expected a change in our relationship, in our boundaries, and in my recognition of her as a young woman. I didn't take her seriously and didn't listen to learn. I listened to respond, explain and convince.
It took many months after she went no-contact for me to cycle through my grief. Like you, I experienced disbelief, anger and hopelessness before I could begin to recognize and accept my role in the reality of our circumstances. Even then, as I began to take responsibility for my contributions, my pain, confusion and hopelessness were often overwhelming.
As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in her vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history.
Today, I humbly and gratefully report that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship, pack up her children, and return to our family. After extensive therapy and with strong family support, Brianna (she prefers Bri) often consults with me as I coach estranged parents and adult children who want to understand their circumstances and embrace their new emerging self-awareness.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my education and professional (and personal) experience to help people struggling to understand their communication style, interpersonal behavior and estrangement circumstances. I now coach people through their darkest hours, isolation, and desperation to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to repair their relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you. In each episode of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, we explore topics relevant to all who hope to reconnect with an estranged adult child or who are estranged from their parents. The material in each episode relates explicitly to the messy and exhausting fresh hell of estrangement.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, blog, interviews, group conversations, and 1:1 coaching are at your fingertips. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to reconnect. WOACWA offers a judgment-free space to face and explore the unbearable.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away
How To Be a Supportive Mom and Loving Grandma Without Overstepping or Being Taken for Granted
Hi Listeners,
Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance.
If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially when estrangement or tension is involved—this episode is for you.
I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and in this episode I will help you understand and explore the powerful differences between your role as a mom to your adult child and your role as grandma.
I'll provide reassurance that each role matters and how clear boundaries can actually strengthen family bonds. You’ll learn how to move (flex) back and forth between supporter and emotional anchor to a safe haven for grandchildren. We explore ways to rebuild trust after distance seeps in or silence becomes a fact.
Finally, we learn how to nurture relationships with your grandchildren without undermining your adult child’s confidence and trust. And! Not feel exploited or taken for granted.
Grab your notebook, get comfortable, and let’s unpack what it means to love well in both roles—so you can grow stronger and find comfort knowing you're not alone.
Related Episodes:
- When Our Adult Children Ask for Space: What It Really Means
- Understanding Emotional Boundaries with Estranged Adult Children
- Healing the Hurt: How to Rebuild Trust After Estrangement
- How to Communicate Without Pushing Your Child Away
For more information, please visit: https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies, and tips to prepare for repair! I'd love to hear from you directly. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp.
***It is not possible for me to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.
#FamilyEstrangementPodcast #ParentReconnection #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentChildReunification #ReconnectingWithMyChild #EstrangementExpert
The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.
The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrang
For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!
The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.
The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.