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When Our Adult Children Walk Away
My story. Reflecting my experiences, observations and perspective - in my words.
In the early spring of 2019, under the influence of her gatekeeper-partner, in the heart of the global pandemic and after several years of trying to sort through our differences, my (young) adult daughter made the heartbreaking choice to cut all communication with our family.
As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in Bri's vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her work supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history.
Today, I can humbly and gratefully share that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship, pack up her children, and begin to reestablish herself as an independent woman and mother. Brianna (she prefers Bri) often consults with me as I coach estranged parents and adult children who want to understand their circumstances and embrace their new emerging self-awareness.
My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my formal training and professional experience to help people struggling to understand how their communication styles and interpersonal behavior might be strengthened to rebuild a fracturing relationship. I pivoted from decades of work in medical education to work with families.
I now coach people, both parents and adult children, through the dark days, isolation, and pain of estrangement from their parent or adult child. We work to find hope and look toward the future, to grow despite and because of their estrangement, and find strategies that help them prepare to strengthen and rebuild their fractured relationship.
When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you. In each episode of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, we explore topics relevant to anyone hoping to reconnect with an estranged adult child or to those estranged from their parents. The material in each episode relates explicitly to the messy, exhausting, and hellish experience of estrangement.
When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, blog and 1:1 coaching are at your fingertips. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to establish respectful, trusting communication.
Fan Mail
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I would like to ask a question about my situation.
Good day, I enjoyed your podcast on estranged adult children. My daughter cut me off when I would not co sign a mortgage. She then started berating me over text telling me I was a disappointment and disgusting to her. I feel abused by her and stopped contacting her. I have three grandchildren she has now cut me off from too. The only way I can see my grandchildren is to go to their games or public events. Am I best to stay completely away from her and my grandchildren and just hope they come back? Thank you
could I talk with you about my situation.
Thank you for this! It helped even today.🙏🏻💞
i’m enjoying your podcast. I wouldn’t say I’m completely strange for my children, but I noticed the contact is less and they don’t like to talk on the phone. They tell me when I tell them I miss them or want to see them that I making them feel guilty and suggestions I’m giving them more and more space but it doesn’t want to talk to me. I have three daughters we used to be so close.
I’m currently estranged from my son and I’m launching into the transformation stage. My question is should I send another text to ask what more he wants from me to have a one on one. Our estrangement started due to my drinking. I'm now 10 months sober and involved in a program. During our estrangement I have kept him up to date with my recovery. At first I would get congrats etc and then there was a text about connecting but not quite ready and then I reached out again and he lashed out because I asked him to respond and not leave me in text silence. So with my bday and the holidays coming up should I reach out to ask what more he needs from me or go the silent route. Appreciate your response. Marcia
Hi Janet , just listening to your podcasts, once again, now that my dghtr has been done ✔️ with me once again ,(too many times to count ) Do you offer, groups where there are others experiencing the same heartbreak ?💔 I would love that .. I look forward to your reply .. Blessings, Shelley
Thank you for these episodes. I am an adult child reconsidering my relationship with my father who has moved on with a new relationship less than one year after the death of my mother. Your advice is helping me understand the perspective he would have but also emboldens me to really think about my life and what this all means. I appreciate the advice to allow space to do work rather than react with regret.