EnneagramU
Unlock your true you! Dive into the Enneagram with Damon & Kelly. Personalities, relationships, work - it's all here, every Wednesday. #EnneagramU #WorkplaceDynamics #EmotionalHealth
EnneagramU
What drives you? Enneagram Motivations for Each Number
Why do you behave the way you do? Are you driven by the need to be loved, the need to be successful, or the need to be unique? Welcome to Enneagram U where my co-host Damon and I, Kelly, help you understand the complex world of Enneagram motivations.
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Welcome to Enneagram U, damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. With your skeptic or an enthusiast, together, we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hello everyone, and welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi Kelly, hey Damon, how are you feeling today?
Speaker 2:I am feeling energized, here we go. I know I probably say the same kind of feeling words.
Speaker 1:No, last week you were overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:I was overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm energized today, Okay that probably means that you got things going. Last week you said if you get behind, you get stressed and then you get overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:I know my precrastination.
Speaker 1:Yeah So.
Speaker 2:I'm feeling good. I'm getting some of those things I was. I just was heavy and feeling stressed about. Some of those are behind me, or at least moving forward.
Speaker 1:That's great. So in the news, it's fun to get things done.
Speaker 2:I love it And as an eight, I find it's just something that if I can get some things done, it just energizes me. It's a dopamine thing.
Speaker 1:It is Check the check box. Yes. And feel good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't check the check box and feel bad.
Speaker 2:This is what our lives have come to, let's be a mover and a shaker. That's great. So, damon, how are you feeling today?
Speaker 1:Well, as I look at this list, there's so many words to pick from. I'm in the moderate intensity world today. I am feeling proud and it's a strange feeling to say out loud Proud I'm feeling proud. It almost sounds like arrogant or something like that.
Speaker 1:But my son is a video editor. He does many things, but that's one of the things that he does And recently got some of his video work on CBS Sports, wow. And so we were a little, you know, we didn't know that was coming. He just had some footage that was used for a particular show that they did a show of, and there it was on national television.
Speaker 1:Nice, Yeah, And so we were. I'm sitting there going oh, I'm proud, We need to celebrate that a little bit. We did. We kind of blew right past it like good job, man, And then, but but as I reflect on it, I'm like man, that's a really good work And yeah. So that's how I'm feeling right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, It's so fun when our kids are growing up, they start succeeding. And I think, of course, pride. We always are told not to be prideful, but I think proud is one of those feelings where it's like, man, I'm just so excited for my kid and just Yeah, That's all that is. It isn't a flex as the young people would say Wow Yeah.
Speaker 1:I know, yeah, it isn't bragging or anything like that, but I was just. I was really proud of him. He works hard, he worked hard at that. And there it was. And that doesn't always happen and rarely happens honestly.
Speaker 2:So yeah, In today's world especially, there's just so much competing Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was good, it was just good to see that happen, and we went, yay, high five, yeah. And so, yeah, i'm feeling pretty proud of him today.
Speaker 2:Oh, thanks for sharing that. We're going to kind of celebrate that with others, as we're sharing that information. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, and not that anyone cares, but anyway it was, yeah, it was, it was kind of a cool moment And so, yeah, that's the feeling that I have as I thought about it today.
Speaker 2:Nice.
Speaker 1:We are talking about something called motivations.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Today with the Enneagram. Still haven't hit the numbers yet in this episode. If you're searching for the numbers wrong episode, keep looking. But I don't really know anything about this at all. I mean, it's you. You threw it out there as something we need to discuss. And so, when it comes to the Enneagram, what do you mean by motivations?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So the reason we're laying such a broad foundation is because I think so often people engage with the Enneagram. They maybe take a free assessment and they may hear about the numbers and think, oh well, yeah, i help, so I must be a two. Oh yeah, well I am, you know, i'm engaged in the arts, i must be a four. But what's really important to understand with the Enneagram is we have motivations, so it's more of what motivates us to do what we're doing, and so that's what we're going to talk about today.
Speaker 2:Like what are the motivations of the different numbers? So we will talk about the numbers and their motivations, like what causes them to do what they do, and is that, well, you're going to tell us? You're going to tell us what that is.
Speaker 1:I guess we would just start. Are we going to do every number, are you?
Speaker 2:going to go through every number. Oh, we can try to get through all of them. Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1:So, and so the question would be like what motivates a one to be a one?
Speaker 2:Yes. What motivates a two to be a two?
Speaker 1:And so you're not necessarily just a two because you wanted to help somebody once.
Speaker 2:Right? Well, because all of us will probably want to help someone, but like what motivates us to help?
Speaker 1:OK, that's going to be really cool Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm ready. I don't even know where to dive in.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to ask with this, other than what motivation is behind the one? What makes a one a one?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so for the one.
Speaker 1:Did you want to start at one?
Speaker 2:Yes, let's start at the one. That's the right place to start.
Speaker 1:I mean the other place. last week we started at the eight, and eight, nine one. Yes, so OK.
Speaker 2:We can start with the one. So the one is what we call the good person, and so they are motivated by the desire to be good or to write, to be right or to do things right. So it's also the avoidance of doing something wrong. So that's going to be underlying all that they do What is good, what is right. Also, sometimes that gets them into trouble, because they strive then for perfection. So that place of going from not just what's good enough, but what would be perfect.
Speaker 1:That's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So for the ones, yeah is the good person, what is the good way, what is the right way, and they will walk in it.
Speaker 1:We've talked a little bit about what drives our personalities, and so this isn't completely clear. back to I grew up this way nature, nurture. It's not that, but it is after that, after nature, after nurture. However all this comes about and who we are, the one is a good person and wants to be a good person.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's their motivation for how they live their life.
Speaker 2:Exactly And, as we go back, even in some of the other episodes that we've done, like, for example, the roles that we play. So the one because they're someone that wants to do things the right way, they'll typically maybe be the hero of the family, because that's the right thing to do, to get all A's to excel at any sport or any musical talents that they have, because that's the right thing to do, that's the good thing to do.
Speaker 1:That makes a lot of sense. Are they the OCD people? You said perfection And I wondered, like if they line their pencils up on the desk like I do. Yes, well, sometimes I do that.
Speaker 2:You're strong, one wing maybe at play there. But yeah, i mean with all of the different numbers, going to that extreme place of unhealthiness which we'll talk about in episodes to come, but I would say an extreme unhealthy place, for the one is where everything has to be done perfectly or where it is more of a condition like OCD or those tendencies.
Speaker 1:OK, that's the one. We have a lot of numbers, so we better jump. What motivates a two?
Speaker 2:The two is the helper, so they are motivated by the desire to be loved and needed, and so they are all about relationships, being generous and compassionate with others. And so, for them, they don't just help to help, but they help because that is their utmost importance in their life. They want to be loved and they want to love others, and relationships, for them, are everything. That's just a top priority for them. So, whereas the one would help because it's the right thing to do, the two is going to help because they just value that person, that they're helping that relationship. And then the dark side for the two, then, is the need to be needed.
Speaker 1:So the one is the good person, the two is the loving person.
Speaker 2:The loving person.
Speaker 1:yes, OK, what motivates a three?
Speaker 2:So the three is the effective person, so they're also known as the achievers, and so they're motivated by the desire to be successful and admired. So they say a word that threes really maybe live for is to shine. Ok, maybe that's corny, maybe they're not going, i'm here to shine.
Speaker 1:I've heard that threes are performers and also hard workers. Yes, like there's two kinds of threes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:The introverted three is more of the behind the scenes but really, really busy, being effective and efficient, achieving things. The extroverted three is more like give me the stage or, you know, see all that I can do to perform.
Speaker 1:And that's not. that almost sounds like it could be negative, but it isn't negative Oh no, i mean artists that perform. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not. Yeah, we've got to have people that play in those roles Right.
Speaker 1:what would we do if we couldn't watch television or listen to a really good podcast on the Enneagram and not be a little entertained by whatever.
Speaker 2:Yes, and we want to say right now thank you for listening. Yeah, both of you.
Speaker 1:Thanks mom, thanks mom.
Speaker 2:Well, the next is the four. Okay, so the four is the original person, and so they are motivated by the desire to be unique and special, and so, for them, they don't like to be a part of, like a large group, or be ordinary. They want to be unique, they want to be seen as one of a kind, and so, for them, they are more of the artist out in the world. And so you know that unique style, that unique personality. They don't want to just be one of the many, they want to stand out.
Speaker 1:I think that's great And we need uniqueness all that in our world to fulfill everything we do? I mean art is everywhere. and if we didn't have artists. I mean, how boring would that be.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Creative people create and make cool things and think differently, and that's awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and again, that's why it's important, as we look at these different numbers, the different lenses that people look through, we need all the numbers represented to make our world just, especially for the fours. If we didn't have the fours, the world wouldn't be the most beautiful place that it is, or we wouldn't appreciate all the different things the way we do.
Speaker 1:That's really cool. That's really cool. What motivates the five?
Speaker 2:The five is the wise person, so they're investigators, so they are motivated by the desire to know and understand as much as they can. Actually, a five would say I want to know and understand everything.
Speaker 1:That sounds exhausting to me.
Speaker 2:For them. they would be like, hey, if I could just have a job where I am researching and learning about things. oh my gosh, that would energize them, Right? We?
Speaker 1:talked last week about. They're in the head triad and their thinkers and sometimes maybe slow at decision making because they're analyzing everything, because of their motivation for knowledge.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's right, and especially with all of the information at our fingertips now, there's a lot that they can engage with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, wow. If that is your thing, your passion, your motivation, you could get lost in this world, because it's just, it never stops.
Speaker 2:Yep, you pull that string and there's not an end to it.
Speaker 1:Right, there's no like in the olden days. in the olden days horse and buggy days, when I was a kid it was well, you want to know something. It was ask somebody or go to the library, right, and that was quite a task. What if you didn't even live close to a library?
Speaker 2:I know, i know, one of my favorite movies that our kids would watch was Matilda.
Speaker 1:Okay, Do you remember that movie in that book?
Speaker 2:And there's a scene where she has her little wagon and it is stacked full of books and she's just going back and forth to the library.
Speaker 1:Right. So yeah, Did you have the Encyclopedia Britannica in your house? We?
Speaker 2:did, or some of the book of knowledge.
Speaker 1:Yes, We had like a we had a bookshelf and had all that stuff on there. And did I read any of that? I am not a five, so the answer is no.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe if you just had a paper that you had to work on?
Speaker 1:Yeah, i looked something up, right Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, But five is just yeah. Give them a space where they can just gather all the knowledge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, All right. What is the motivation of a six?
Speaker 2:So the six is the loyal person. So sixes are motivated by the desire for security and safety, and so, for them, uh, this is a physical security, so like what's going to keep us physically safe, but also, i think, a relational, emotional security too, like, uh, with relationships, hey, are we okay? Uh, they are the loyal friends. They are friends that you're going to have probably throughout your whole life, that they are the ones that keep the friendship going, um, but they're also the ones that are going to know okay, here's where we go in case of a tornado, here's where we go in case of a fire.
Speaker 1:That's really valuable. Very valuable It's important that you know who the sixes are in case of a tornado or a fire.
Speaker 2:Yes, Or you know, we say there uh motto is be prepared. So, they're again motivated by preparation, and so if you need anything like dental floss or chapstick or Kleenex or Tylenol, it's an inner desk. Yes, find your six, friend, that's great.
Speaker 1:That's good. That's so unique, though, i mean, i think that that's really valuable as well. So every number just has their thing They do.
Speaker 2:Sure Yeah.
Speaker 1:All right. What motivates us seven?
Speaker 2:So, the seven, the joyful person, the party people, uh, they're motivated, uh, for, by a desire for adventure and excitement.
Speaker 1:Were these people the class clown?
Speaker 2:They totally were. So the roles again, they were the mascots, they were the charming. Keep things fun and lively, yeah For sure. So they say for a seven, their picture of a perfect day would just be an open day to be able to do whatever they want to do.
Speaker 1:I don't mind that thought at all, but I don't know if I'm a nine. If that's really true, what I would do? I would probably just go sit outside and soak up the sun. You know, where a seven is probably going to be a little more active in in their adventure.
Speaker 2:Cause you said the word adventure, adventure and excitement. Yeah, for them it's probably not setting around doing things, but like going out and and doing things, yeah, wherever the party's at wherever the fun is we all know sevens We do They're, they're kind of the obvious number. I mean, they really are, cause they're the ones that you just they're crackups. They are just so fun. Generally extroverted Yeah, very much so extroverted Right.
Speaker 1:Mm. Hmm, right, okay, what motivates the? oh wait, this is your number. This is me. What motivates you Kelly?
Speaker 2:So the eight is the powerful person.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, that's really unhealthy. We need to stop this podcast right now.
Speaker 2:It's like you're saying I feel proud. I'm like a powerful person. But eights are motivated by a desire for power and control.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that can sound negative, i know it can. It can sound. It can sound narcissistic or some big word. I don't know the definition of it Definitely can.
Speaker 2:I think, though, too, we're looking at more of like assertiveness, so eights in a healthy place are going to be more so. Saying your thoughts and feelings are just as important as mine, and so being able to be assertive, to move things forward, to be confident in what they do.
Speaker 1:I know that when in organizations, organizations need eights, They drive vision and mission. They drive the next, whatever we're going to do, drive is the word for an eight And I think that is it's really good. Eights can also be harder to work with because of that.
Speaker 2:Sometimes Absolutely They can be domineering and then they move more from assertive to aggressive. So it's my way, or the highway. So again, whatever that sense of giving them power. So if it's like gotta move everyone to the side, i mean that would be an unhealthy eight. But I think really for a healthy eight it's that more servant leadership of like, how do we collaborate, how do we work together?
Speaker 1:That's great. Yeah, let's okay. we're all done with the numbers. Yeah.
Speaker 2:We've got your number, Damon.
Speaker 1:I don't even think that nine is really part of this. It's not, even is any any a gram? what's the? what's the? if this weren't nine numbers, what would it be called with an eight?
Speaker 2:See, I don't even know We'll. We'll look at it.
Speaker 1:Octiogram Yeah, You're right, that's my, that's mine.
Speaker 2:That's Damon's new personality. Personality test Yep.
Speaker 1:Octigram where nines are excluded Right.
Speaker 2:All right, nine's gonna pass.
Speaker 1:Let it on me.
Speaker 2:All right. Nines are the peaceful person. They are motivated by a desire for harmony and peace.
Speaker 1:La Yes, I heard angels or harps. Yes, harmony and peace.
Speaker 2:Peaceful sound there, but yeah, they're easy going and agreeable, and so nine's really. whatever they do is about to is underlying peace is what is underlying all that they do. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Agree, yeah, agree.
Speaker 2:And the thing we've talked about with the nine, too, is that they take on attributes of all the other numbers.
Speaker 1:Agree with that as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, And so, but they do it with that lens of peace. So, hey, if I need to be fun and lighthearted here, it's because it's gonna bring peace to the room. Yeah, Or hey, if I need to be creative, it's gonna have that underlying peace or harmony component.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is something and we'll get into that when we talk about the nine. But that's one of the things that is difficult about being a nine if it's real And that is no, i'm just teasing Is that if you take on everything else or other people's attributes, then it's hard to know who you are.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Because you're kind of a sponge, you kind of lean toward whatever the strongest voice is in the room. You might tend to lean toward whatever that is. So it really does take some intentional thought on relationships and on when you're in a leadership situation, all of that. Because you might just listen to the eight, who happens to have the microphone across the table from you. And be agreeable Because they're assertive and they just sound like they know what they're talking about.
Speaker 2:That's right, when they could just be full of it Right because this entire podcast is a scam.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you.
Speaker 2:The ideogram, the scam, the scandal, yes, but the nine, like you were saying, being able to bring that place of harmony and so, even if it is being more like a sponge, that can be really healthy in a lot of ways. but also, like you said, with all of the numbers, there's those places that we have to watch, because that has that unhealthy side too. So if nines lose themselves, yeah, that's not gonna be healthy, but nines also have an ability to take in what everybody is saying in the room and to be able again to harmonize it or to see all the different sides.
Speaker 1:Okay, what else do we need to know about motivations? That doesn't change, does change. It doesn't change.
Speaker 2:It doesn't. I think we have the healthy side of our motivations, we have the unhealthy, and so when we think about even a place to start for people if they're just wondering, like okay, so what is my motivation, i mean, how do you even tell that? I would say a couple of things. First, look at how you spend your time, like what is motivating you to do the things that you're doing with your time, you know. And then also that self-awareness of just kind of taking that outside view for a moment and going okay, so why do I say yes to this Or why do I say no to that, or why do I do the things that I do? What are the things in my life that I find are really life-giving? What are the things are life-taking Cause a lot of times that all has to do with what our motivations are, and if we're in that unhealthy space, then our motivations may be moved in that unhealthy kind of conditional kind of space, like so, for example, maybe a two, not to pick on the two.
Speaker 2:Are we picking on the twos today? I don't know. I don't know. They're okay though.
Speaker 1:The helpers yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes, we love the twos, but let's say for a two as the helper, so they're motivated to love others. But yet if they're in an unhealthy space, they're gonna be motivated by that need to be needed, cause they wanna be loved and needed. And so then it becomes this codependency Or how can I develop relationships, or how am I drawn to relationships where I need to be needed? So usually that becomes a space of exhaustion for twos Versus. Okay, i'm motivated by the need to be loved and needed, but also I'm loving and taking care of myself as I'm loving and taking care of others.
Speaker 1:So It sounds like that if I were going to take an enneagram test, this would be the test. It would be questions that dug down into my motivations, like I wonder if we had a test, if we asked the question, if it's like that's a, that that reveals your motivation, that puts you in a certain number.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i think, because motivation really is the key. You know, i think that's what sets the Enneagram apart from so many of the other personality tests is that it really does look at those underlying motivations. But again, that takes some self-awareness And a lot of times we're just kind of going through the motions. We're busy with life, we don't always know why we do what we do. Also, being able to look at are there things that I'm finding I'm trying to avoid or that I'm afraid of, because sometimes that's also a connection to what motivates us.
Speaker 1:All right, Yeah, So taking me, if I don't like, I don't like conflict. So if I'm avoiding conflict, then that means that that shows well. There again, there's the nine popping up.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:If that's my motivation, is peace at all costs, maybe in an unhealthy way that still says I'm a nine. Yeah, that's right, it's unhealthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or you know, the sixes, like we talked about the need for safety and security. So they tend to have a lot of fears, and so if they can just make themselves feel safe and secure, it's pushing down those fears, or eliminating those fears, and so that's a motivation we can see for them. You know as well. So that's another way of thinking about it. You know, are there some things that I'm finding that I'm avoiding or I'm fearful of, things I'm drawn to?
Speaker 1:Let's do one that's tougher. I like the four.
Speaker 2:The four is a little tougher.
Speaker 1:So there you said the artist, and they're motivated by being unique. What would be on the negative side of the motivation? What would that look like?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So for them it would be feeling like they're missing something within themselves. And so fours have an ability to come into a room and be able to see all the different giftings in the room, but also feel like they're missing those things. So they'll come in and they'll look at you, damon, as a four, and this may not be conscious at all but like, ah, damon, he's got just so much peace. He's kind of like the glue in the room. I don't have that.
Speaker 2:And so there's that space of just feeling like they're missing something important or that they're not going to be able to find their true self, and so that envy can lead to feeling withdrawn or again some of that shame that we know from the heart triad of just there's something wrong with me. I'm not valuable in and of who I am. So you know, like for me as an eight to know that power and control are a lot of what pushed me to do what I do, but then to also be able to see what is a healthy side of being powerful or wanting control, where those places that I could fall and trip up. Because if we know that again that's part of our self-awareness that keeps us more in that healthy side or keeps us more in check.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that reminds me of a book that I don't even know if I read the whole thing, but the title was an interesting title and it was called the dark side of leadership And it really said for every kind of a similar thing, for every good thing that you have, there's the other side of that that is. it could be negative, And the awareness of that allows us to lean into the good side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've got to have that self-awareness. And again, this is where we need tools like the Enneagram to help us to know what both sides of those coins are, because I think too, just as it's difficult sometimes to name the negative attributes of our personality, sometimes we don't name the positives because it feels maybe prideful coming back full circle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, zarna, still feel pretty proud, though. Yes, well, that's true. Yeah, that's really good stuff, Kelly. I think motivations tell us what's behind it and help us figure out who we are, how we can be better. That's really really good information, And then there's probably so much more regarding motivations. Next episode might be the numbers, So Maybe, Might be.
Speaker 2:Finally.
Speaker 1:Finally, it's really and everybody's like, yeah, skip, skip the next one, but next week or next episode we are going to talk about the one And we're going to start going through each number.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And then what we'll do is go back and since we have this base of motivation and triads and Jeharry window and roles and all of that, now we'll be able to have a complete conversation about the Enneagram.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:And not just numbers, and this is how it is, and you don't know why it is this way. Gosh Kelly, maybe you do know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Well, we had to build the scaffolding and the foundation for this house that we call Enneagram U And again, hopefully it'll be helpful so it doesn't just become one of those parlor games.
Speaker 1:Good stuff, good stuff, and so we will see you next week. As we talk about the one on Enneagram U. Bye Kelly, bye Damon. Do tell me what you do With our love in your heart, with our love by your side, with our love, with our love by your side.