Beyond Your Number
You’re not just a type — you’re a whole story. Beyond Your Number is a conversational Enneagram podcast where Damon & Kelly explore real-life growth through personality. From relationships to team dynamics, we help you go deeper than the label. New episodes every Wednesday. Formerly EnneagramU.
Beyond Your Number
THE SEVEN
In this deep dive into the Enneagram Type Seven, we unfold layers of the adventurous, extroverted Sevens. Fear of intense emotions? Sure, they've got that. A knack for risk-taking - verbal and physical? Absolutely. But there's more to them. Tune in to discover how a simple activity like ping pong can serve as a refreshing breather and productivity booster, and why it's paramount for these animated individuals to genuinely process their feelings.
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Welcome to Enneagram U with Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. With your skeptic or an enthusiast, together, we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey, everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi, kelly, hey, damon, I know that Michael Scott from the office was a seven on the Enneagram.
Speaker 2:I have heard that yes.
Speaker 1:This is a funny quote from. Michael Scott. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. Yes, I can't say it like he did, but it's good stuff. So today, we are going to talk about this seven. I don't have a sense of humor, as you can tell.
Speaker 2:So this will be one week that you're not trying to be the seven, okay. No, I don't want to be a seven.
Speaker 1:That's a while. It can be a little bit of a clown, but it doesn't last very long.
Speaker 2:Yeah, momentary, no one laughs. It's been conditioned out of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, so what are we going to do? We're going to talk about feelings, or the seven.
Speaker 2:Well, we have to start with the feelings.
Speaker 1:You start.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I am feeling joyful.
Speaker 1:Okay, which I know is so corny, because we're talking about the seven.
Speaker 2:Who is the joyful person? But I had the best Saturday night, so we went to see Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks in.
Speaker 1:Kansas City you did.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:It was epic, yes, so it was so much fun.
Speaker 1:The piano man.
Speaker 2:Oh, both of them are in their like mid-70s and still just performing.
Speaker 1:Now, did they perform together or was it two shows? There was one song that Billy came out.
Speaker 2:Stop Dragging my Heart Around did a duet Wow, yeah. So Stevie was first and then they took a little bit of an intermission and then Billy came out. Total set change.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So, and it was like 115 degrees.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but by the time the concert started the sun went down and Some pics on Facebook for people, so I am joyful Like.
Speaker 2:I it was just the best.
Speaker 1:Wow, and I took my husband who's a seven. And that made it even more fun.
Speaker 2:Yes, and my son, who's a seven.
Speaker 1:Double the fun Double. And my daughter went, yeah, and she's a nine.
Speaker 2:She is, so she loves good music.
Speaker 1:Yes, so yeah, that's what I'm feeling. Wow, that's great. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2:How's your I?
Speaker 1:don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2:How's your emotional state? What's your failings?
Speaker 1:Well, it's awful because seven is our very enthusiastic person. That's funny and is the life of the party. I'm not feeling that way today.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm feeling a little more discouraged.
Speaker 1:today I've had some harder family things happen, not anything tragic, but just. I don't want to go into the details, of course, because that would bore us all. But yeah, so I'm feeling a little bit discouraged on just a few things that have happened and like got to work through that. But the truth is hey.
Speaker 2:There you go, did I nail it? You did All right.
Speaker 1:But the truth is my family's really resilient and tomorrow is another day and we're going to. It's going to be better and better. So, I'm not worried in that sense, but it's like some mornings you just wake up and you're like oh man, well, it was 105 degrees at like 5 am this morning, I know, and then I do do a walk in the morning and it was really really humid and there was no.
Speaker 1:you know, it was before the sun was up, but once the sun was up it's starting to feel a little bit better. So, exercise is definitely helpful when you're not feeling good, but I am glad that you're feeling joyful because we're balancing each other out. Yeah Well, that can make up for that, and yeah, I'm already feeling better, just sitting here talking about Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks.
Speaker 2:I know Well, and even I mean, as we're talking about feelings, sometimes that's what it takes. We can't change the circumstances, but we can share what we're feeling and, just as you got to even the truth, like, yeah, this may really stink what we're going through, but we're resilient.
Speaker 1:Right, we're going to make it. It's like a kettle on the stove with the lid on. If you don't let it off, it's going to explode.
Speaker 2:It does, yeah, so thank you for sharing. I'm really learning a lot here you are, we're only I don't know, just a few episodes into this thing. Yeah, yes, all right, so thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1:How was it to go to the concert with two sevens? Oh my gosh, what's that?
Speaker 2:like it is just fun and you know the creativity of the musicians. Obviously they've got some connections to the fours, but for yeah, for us, my wing is the seven, so I think for my husband and son and me, we were just like I don't want this to end.
Speaker 1:You're a poor daughter.
Speaker 2:This is so fun and you know I I like spoilers, and so I had actually gotten on Spotify to get the playlist because I wanted to know just every song so that I could be listening to them over and over and over, so I could just.
Speaker 1:So then, when you got there, you recognize things more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it was fun. But sevens are again the life of the party. They love fun and excitement and so something like a big concert when you're with. I don't even know how many people were. It was at the Arrowhead.
Speaker 1:That's a lot. That's a lot of people.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, just everybody having a great time. So I think sevens really get energized by fun and excitement and joy. They really love to entertain. They're often very charming people. They're also in the head triad, which is kind of funny to think about, like the five, six and seven, and so they're also very curious about things and they just like their perfect day would just be an open day where they could do whatever they wanted to do, because fun and excitement is just their central goal.
Speaker 1:I've worked with sevens before. There was one, we'll call him Matt with one T, and he's a seven. And Matt with one T every morning, every morning, would come into the office whistling. Yes, you knew he was there, that was his introduction. I mean, maybe he woke up discouraged like I did today, but you wouldn't know it. Yeah, he was like whistling away. Yes, like he's here, matt with one T.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I know a similar seven with the Matt with one T that just singing those songs when he would come into the office or whistling or always hilarious, always. I mean there's very few people in my life that can just have that sense of humor that make me like cry and laughter, my husband is one of those, and Matt with one T is another.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, agreed.
Speaker 2:They're just hilarious. They've got just a wit about them. And super thoughtful at the same time. Yes.
Speaker 1:Which is just interesting because it isn't all just. You know fun and games all the time, and we had a discussion this morning about how, when people are jovial and that's kind of their normal when they're not, you pay attention. Yeah, Because it's like either something's wrong or they're serious. You can tell when they're serious. Right so that's just interesting. It's very easy with a seven to go something's off today.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I know with my husband like his demeanor has been since I've met him very optimistic, you know, always could see the silver lining, but you know, if there's something that's really bothering him, I could just see it in his eyes, because he doesn't just have that like Beaming eyes, you know, it's more of just kind of that darker eyes. So the thing I have to watch is my Automatic reaction is what's wrong? Oh, which I've learned? I mean, we've been married 30 years, so this is a new new thing that I've been learning is to say what's wrong makes him seem like it's wrong for him to have like a normal feeling.
Speaker 1:You got you. You're not at a 10.
Speaker 2:Yes, like seven, oh why aren't you just being hilarious and positive, right? Because that is the important thing for a seven is to be balanced in their feelings. And so the downside for the seven is pushing away all of their pain and grief and only focusing on the positives. And so one of the things that we do around our house and we have ever since the kids were little we share high lows from the day. Okay, and so my son being a seven as well, when he was little and of course you know, when you're little you don't really get the concept, but for him most days for a few years, he would say my high is this dinner and I didn't have a low, you know. And so for my son, just even picking up like yeah, what is kind of the low part of the day, or for my husband, he would have a hard time, you know, he could name the highs of the day, like everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is a superpower for a seven in some ways. I mean, I can see how it can go sideways to right, talk about that more, but like to be able to Struggle to find something negative or pessimistic which is not what the six is, by the way. The six is the other way right.
Speaker 1:It tends to be. I remember because my dad I think he was a six and we used to say he was pessimistic, which was always kind of funny because he won one time in his life. He was president of the Optimus Club, but anyway, life's ironies. Yes, yes, that was funny, but the seven mm-hmm. It just feels like that Wow, they can fly.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, and they love to entertain and make people around them happy to. I remember a story when, you know, I was a kid and just being in class I think maybe we've alerted, alluded to this before I tended to be sat next to the class clowns. You know yes and then I was the kid too that once I Got tickled or something made me funny, you know maybe laugh. It was hard to ring rain that in.
Speaker 1:You just kept laughing.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, so they were the ones that like to liven things up, keep things light and funny, maybe when things got a little too tense. And so sevens, yeah, just are a gift and the other thing they love to plan and just have all of these fun activities for us to do. A friend of mine who is a seven is a mom and she just plans the most fun for her kids, but it's like the downside to that is that her kids can get exhausted because it's like one trip after another trip after another trip and you mentioned trips and I think sevens travel a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they like to travel.
Speaker 2:They love to just be able to do whatever is going to bring them, you know, the most fun and excitement. So it could be traveling, you know. Again, for them, if a little is good, a lot better. So they tend to dive into hobbies and things like that they think are gonna be fun, and sometimes they don't test the water first so they might have in there, like storage, you know, kayaks or you know you name it.
Speaker 1:That could be hobbies that they thought they were gonna really enjoy, but they didn't really enjoy it sounds like they would be a little less likely in in whatever job they're into, like doing the eight to five, eight to six work day right in the same space every day.
Speaker 2:Yes, like they need variety, they do need variety, and I know this is probably true for all of us. But they say sevens really want a two-day work week and a five-day weekend. Oh well, yeah, yeah, cuz they just don't have enough time to do all the things that they want to do yeah so on the bad side bad, wrong word, dark side of a seven, what, what, what's going on? Yeah, so it has to do with pushing this pain down.
Speaker 1:Are they really this happy? Yes, under all the joy.
Speaker 2:Okay, they do, like all of us. But you know, in pushing away the pain, then their struggle is the struggle of gluttony. Now, typically, when we think of gluttony, we think of like overeating, but it's more of over Doing anything and everything. So, for a seven, if a little is good, a lot more is better, especially when they're trying to numb their pain. And so, if they have pushed their grief away, if they have pushed, you know, maybe, those small areas of pain or, you know, negative feelings away, they try to medicate themselves by doing more fun activities or Keeping themselves busy and distracted with fun things, and so for them, that can be where that dark side really comes in are they more Susceptible to addiction?
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, yeah, sevens have to watch because again, you know If, if a little alcohol is good, a lot more is better, you know, or really chasing you know where can I get that high from life? Because they love those mountaintop experiences, they love being able To be adventurous, to try new things, but yet we know that life realistically isn't about having those mountaintop experiences every day, and so sometimes they are prone to use substances to try to get that high.
Speaker 1:I wonder what kind of jobs are good for sevens and where we see them at VU. What teams if we see them on the events team?
Speaker 2:or if you see them in marketing or something with I don't know the arts or yeah, well, and they say for a seven that they are a really fun accounting. Yes, yeah, maybe I don't know, but that they are. They don't do one thing, just that they focus on, but they can do many things well. So I think for sevens they just have this variety of different things and they may not stay in one profession for the long call. They may have a lot of different things that they can do Unless the profession allows them to be really flexible.
Speaker 1:Yes, I would say that would be true, because I definitely yes, yes to all that. Right, I'm just thinking, and we all do this when we're listening here, or even when we're talking, we people go through our minds and yeah, and we're thinking well what? Do they do and how long have they been doing it? And oh, I see that pattern right away that seven yeah, likes variety.
Speaker 2:Right, and if they, you know, maybe they're looking at their job as more of helping to fund their fun activities. So again, it's probably their perspective on things. But yeah, I think that mundane, every day, same thing over and over, could probably be very exhausting for a seven. So, you know, I think working in a company where at VU where you know maybe they're working in production but they can take a break and go down to the game room, that's probably really encouraging for them. Or, you know, you see the sevens probably down at the ping pong tables playing, just taking a break and actually doing something fun right in the middle of the day.
Speaker 1:Which makes them more productive? Right, because they can break that up yeah. Yeah, I heard somewhere recently that we really only work like three and a half hours every day of like really focused work.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's for everyone, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's well, you didn't hear that from me because I'm, like nine or ten VU leaders, really focused work.
Speaker 2:I'm a 12 hour a day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I pretty much don't sleep. I'm sure that statistic was wrong, especially for you. Yes, but okay, that's so. They're the enthusiast, they're the entertainer. What's the animal?
Speaker 2:Yes, so the animal for the seven is the monkey.
Speaker 1:I was going to guess that?
Speaker 2:Okay, I was going to guess that. I was like what? Yeah?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That makes sense.
Speaker 1:Is there? Are there two kinds of sevens?
Speaker 2:No, just one kind of seven, and most sevens are extroverted. So, they get energized by being with people.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know what I was thinking. I think I was thinking about their wings, like when a seven leans toward the eight or when a seven leads toward the six. That is a different kind of individual.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I don't know that we need to get into that detail, but Well, we'll definitely get into those when we talk about the wings because the wings.
Speaker 2:Do we have a dominant wing? That typically can. Yeah, we just have different ways of responding than if like for a six wing, for the seven would be a little more cautious. For the eight wing, for the seven, probably not cautious.
Speaker 1:I'll share a little story.
Speaker 2:Very dangerous individual yes well, there was a time where my husband went on the youth trip with the youth group, and so it was in the summertime and they went to Colorado, and so there was an alpine slide and he loved to go fast on that alpine slide, so fast that he flew off the slide.
Speaker 1:He's not a small man. He's not a small man, he's six foot four.
Speaker 2:Right, you know we won't divulge his weight. No, but you know he's a big guy. And so flew off the alpine slide, got back on, went down again super fast. I wasn't there so but I've heard it was reckless. But he just thought it was fun and I think he flew off at least twice to where finally the people at the alpine slide were like you can't go down the slide anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I kicked off the alpine slide.
Speaker 2:So a friend of mine who was on the trip sent a picture and it was a picture of him and my daughter and his arms like all bandaged up oh my gosh. But it's like they will sacrifice themselves for the fun.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow. Because yeah, it's just whatever's going to be fun and adventurous. He's been banned from youth group trips ever since.
Speaker 2:Maybe true, I don't know that he's gone back on a trip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no trip can handle this guy, that's right.
Speaker 2:But they're risk takers. They also a lot of times might even take verbal risk, kind of that for the seven being able to think before you speak. Sometimes they just take the risk and just say it.
Speaker 1:Especially, if they're lean in eight for sure, for sure, if they're lean in six, like you said, they're cautious a little more thoughtful? Yeah, they're going to be thinking yeah, Eights tend to go forward and yeah, so you two together is kind of like an explosion.
Speaker 2:Well, it can be. We say at our house when it's good, it's good, but when it's bad, watch out.
Speaker 1:OK, that's honest, all right, yes, that's cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, they do just bring so much charisma and joy.
Speaker 2:And I think around BU too, as I've met with teams, the sevens are the one that just keep things lively for the team.
Speaker 2:They're the ones that are like, hey, let's just go out and play kickball during break time, or they kind of just help the group to be able to relax a little bit and kick back. Now I will say too, one of the things for the seven that they have to watch for so often is again just pushing away those negative feelings. So a practice for a seven that would be really good is being able to process their feelings in some way. Now I know for many of us, journaling is the avenue to do that for a seven. Sometimes they may feel like, well, that's no fun to journal, and so what I've encouraged sevens to do is, while you're doing something like maybe if you're out on a walk or out on a bike ride or wherever you're doing something of like, make it fun, like, what am I feeling today? As much as feelings can be fun, but being able to maybe even talk to somebody about how you're feeling, that makes it a little bit more.
Speaker 1:What did we say?
Speaker 2:the head triad feeling was yeah, so the head triad feeling is fear.
Speaker 1:So that's, interesting. I mean I guess I get that, but they definitely don't emote fear a seven. Obviously, the alpine slide was not. There was no fear there.
Speaker 2:What's ironic for them is that it's actually the fear of pain, we could even say like the fear of being uncomfortable with like intense feelings, like grief.
Speaker 1:So it's emotional.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's not so much the physical pain but the emotional pain for the seven.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, if they're afraid of that feeling, it's just that pendulum swing over to the opposite. You know that masks all of that.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, let's just put on a smile and push those feelings down, you know. And the other thing, for sevens, especially as we're communicating with sevens, of course, as they communicate with us it'll be funny, it'll be light jovial, but what sevens really appreciate for you know, for us communicating with them, is doing something active while we're talking. And so I tell teams that have a seven like these are the ones that really appreciate like a walking meeting. You know, let's just go outside and walk and have our meeting, or let's go do something fun. Usually, when I do any at-grand presentations and do the sevens, you know, towards the end of the numbers, and so they've had to set through all the other six numbers and by that time they're just like, oh, is this almost over?
Speaker 2:Cause they just don't like just meetings or you know things, and so doing something lively for sevens is very helpful. But the other thing that I think can be the struggle for the seven is that they often aren't taken seriously.
Speaker 1:Yes, I would agree with that as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so being able to ask them hey, I'd love to get your input on this Sevens really do value that, and then they do take more of that kind of serious approach or, you know, being able just to ask them when we don't know, like. So I just want to check in like are you serious about that? Cause sometimes they may use some joking to A little bit of truth in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what is that saying? Behind every joke is some truth.
Speaker 2:You know, and so being able to go hey, I caught what you said there and like if there is something we need to talk more about with that, or were you just kidding?
Speaker 1:Right and the sevens that I know have had brilliant ideas. I think, there's been some just brilliant things come from a seven and I have seen that in action, to where that idea was really good but wasn't taken seriously and that's too bad, but I don't know. And then the seven tends to not necessarily go back and re-clarify that. I mean, they really have to think about that, to go back and now re-say that but you know. No, I'm serious really. And that so seven might have to be just pretty intentional about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause they may be onto something else. Yeah, they just moved on and said something really great.
Speaker 1:Hey, we should do XYZ is really fun, or they said it in a fun way and they moved on. It's like wait let's stop for a second Cause. That might have been something really good, right? Yeah, I've seen that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so being able to have that good communication to where they do feel valued and heard, but then that also that they're willing to communicate. You know, a little bit more seriously to.
Speaker 1:That's really good. Yeah, Wow, we covered a lot with the seven pretty quickly. What numbers do the arrows point to? Which we have yet to name the arrows, but to have something to do with strengths and weaknesses.
Speaker 2:Well, and we could just say that, you know, for the seven one of the arrows is to the one. And so for the seven being able to take on some of those strong characteristics of a one, of being self-disciplined, you know, a life of sobriety for a seven is really important. And again, not just sobriety, you know, as we tend to think about it, with like drugs and alcohol, but like being able to have some boundaries and structure to their day, cause I think the challenge for sevens is oftentimes they start a lot of things but they don't finish a lot of things. Because we know, with any project you start it's fun and exciting, but then you get to that like blah part of the project, yeah.
Speaker 2:So then you're like, well, let me just go start something else. But then as they look back, they can feel just very discouraged because they don't feel like they've accomplished all the things that they wanted to accomplish. They've started a lot and so being able to move into that one arrow and having that self-discipline of not starting something until something else is finished. And so, for example, my husband's a playwright and so he uses his creativity, his creative mind. You know just in, and probably from you know, being a child the world of imagination. And so you know, at one point I don't even remember how many stories he had started on, like his storyboard in his office.
Speaker 1:Are they all funny?
Speaker 2:No, I mean there are funny parts to them, but there is a depth usually to all of his plays. But anyway he, you know, just got to this point where he's like, okay, I'm not gonna start anything new until this one gets finished, and so that was probably a really good boundary for him, because you know it's a lot of fun to start the new idea but, it's. I mean writing a play is I don't even know because I just don't have that mindset.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it didn't help for me to say how much longer do you think it's gonna take. Obviously you have no creative process in you, so anyway, but moving to that one can be very helpful for the seven. And then also another arrow is to the five. And so for the seven being able to take on those positive attributes of the five of kind of thinking things through before you act, you know, even though the sevens in the head triad a lot of times, they can be very spontaneous, and so being able to kind of slow things down a little bit, you know as well.
Speaker 1:So not to overanalyze the enneagram, because we don't even know if it's real, but the in the head, in the head triad. You have six in the middle, seven on one side, five. It's interesting that the five is the more communicates less probably and is a little more introverted, and the seven on the other side of the six is the opposite Right yeah, so different.
Speaker 2:And that's where you know, as we talked about with the five, if the five moves to the seven because that arrow goes from the five to the seven is being able to take on a little bit more of that willingness to step outside and have some social contact. For the seven it's being able to enjoy some time by yourself too, which is important, you know. For the seven it would be always be with people, because people are distracting, people are fun. So for a seven, sometimes it's difficult to be by yourself and just be in solitude, silence, very healthy for them. But you know, I think it was Dietrich Bonhoeffer that said, and I am totally going to just make it my own quote here, but the gist of it.
Speaker 1:We learned a couple of weeks ago that I am not a five, so you're fine. Yes.
Speaker 2:But basically what Dietrich Bonhoeffer said is like some of us are really drawn to community and for those people they really need solitude, and for others they're very drawn to solitude and they need community. And so it's this idea of balance. And so for the seven, being able to, you know, have time in their day where they're just by themselves or they're not distracting themselves with all the various things that we can distract ourselves with, whether it's, you know, computers, activities, tv, music, you know whatever but just having that time where they're still or they're just quiet, but it probably feels very uncomfortable. Right, it would be like saying to the to the five okay, go spend 15 minutes a day with people.
Speaker 1:Whoey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, please anything else.
Speaker 1:If you don't make me do that, I won't make the sevens do this, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and you know, even with the pandemic, you know, you think about like, for the introverted people, the pandemic was, I mean, it was horrible in so many ways but, just the fact that we had to, you know, be at home the fives are like I could do this yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, or the sevens are like ah, give me my people. Yeah, I've already been doing this.
Speaker 2:Yes, nothing's changed. Nothing has changed.
Speaker 1:There were several introverts, and maybe even me included, where we were like I don't know, Nothing's different from me?
Speaker 2:Yes For me. What's so bad about?
Speaker 1:this yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Social isolation yeah.
Speaker 1:Mm. Hmm, wow, kelly, those are some really good tips about the seven and great information, and I am feeling a lot more joyful than I was when we started this podcast.
Speaker 2:Well, good.
Speaker 1:So that's good. And then you were already joyful, so you're extra joyful.
Speaker 2:but you're used to that because you've got two sevens in your life already and a wing in your life. That's a seven. I know, holy cow, how do I survive?
Speaker 1:Overload. How do I even survive this podcast, I do not know, but all right, well, thanks for joining us, everybody, and we will see you next week on Instagram.
Speaker 2:You bye Kelly, bye Damon.
