EnneagramU
Unlock your true you! Dive into the Enneagram with Damon & Kelly. Personalities, relationships, work - it's all here, every Wednesday. #EnneagramU #WorkplaceDynamics #EmotionalHealth
EnneagramU
Enneagram Wings: 1w9 The Optimist, 1w2 The Activist, 2w1 The Companion, 2w3 The Host
Have you ever experienced a vulnerability hangover after stumbling upon self-discovery? Join Kelly and me on a fascinating journey through the mystical world of Enneagram as we explore the significant role wings play in shaping our individual characteristics.
1w9 The Optimist, 1w2 The Activist, 2w1 The Companion, 2w3 The Host
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Welcome to Enneagram U with Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. With your skeptic or an enthusiast, together, we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey, everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon and I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi Kelly, hey Damon, kelly, what are we talking about today? We were talking about wings.
Speaker 2:I'm still trying to recover from last week. I know that was a challenging week for you. It was Talking about the nine, Do you have?
Speaker 1:I don't have anything I don't know. Now that I'm settled on the nine, I think we're done here, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, we can often have what Renee Brown calls vulnerability hangovers. Yeah, a little remorse, yes, like oh, I feel exposed and no, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think most of that was pretty much spot on yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it feels okay, and still, I still think about it.
Speaker 1:You and I are going to be doing a small group on Enneagram.
Speaker 2:We are, yeah, that's exciting and terrifying. Who would have ever dreamed?
Speaker 1:Yeah, not me. Yeah, I still don't even think it's going to happen.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's happening.
Speaker 1:Are those real names?
Speaker 2:on the list. Those are real names. Yes, we are looking forward to them.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm glad you're there. Yes, because I will not be able to help them, I'll say here's a test, take it. I've taken 45.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a group where we take the same test every week. We're not.
Speaker 1:I think we should just change a different test every week to see if our numbers change.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I guess we could.
Speaker 1:I'm going to follow your lead.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, we won't do things like that.
Speaker 1:Oh how are you feeling today? I am feeling excited. Okay.
Speaker 2:It has been a good week, a good day Just was able to have some great one-on-one conversations today, get out and take a walk so, and I'm excited just to talk more about the wings. That's exciting to me because I think so often, like you know, we talk about the numbers which are so important with our core number and we'll get into this but like the wings just accentuate, like our numbers.
Speaker 1:That's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm excited to share.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we talked about that a little bit last week with the nine and the wings of the eight and the one and all of that.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, how are you feeling?
Speaker 1:You know I'm feeling pretty happy. We had a big event this morning. I think it went really well. There were a few technical challenges along the way, but we overcame those and and yeah, we had the event and it was one of our teammates and he spoke in front of a couple of hundred people and it went. It went really really good. It did go really really good, it did a great job yeah, so yeah, it's good when you can overcome an obstacle.
Speaker 1:Yes, in time, yeah, there was a little bit of stress there for a little bit, but you know, I stayed pretty calm and everybody was gracious and, yeah, and we had a guest musician, one of our friends, and he played and his name is Troy and he's magnificent and he usually doesn't play publicly very often and so I asked him a couple of days hey, would you open for this event? And I think he's a nine. Yes, he is, I think he's a nine. If he's not a nine, he's a four, but I think he's a nine. And he said, yes, I'll do that. And I was, honestly, I was shocked, but he, he went up there and he just nailed it.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's amazing so good he did this amazing rendition of everybody wants to rule the world.
Speaker 2:Yes. On his acoustic guitar and it was just wow. His rendition of that is fabulous yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, I had someone I don't know. Someone was asking oh, I don't know. We were in the conversation about him and they said oh, I've only seen him play once. That was the song they saw.
Speaker 2:Really Okay.
Speaker 1:And they're like. And I said, yeah, he played that. They're like oh no, yes, they missed it, so good yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and like you were saying, with just being able to ask vulnerably, hey, can you do this and have somebody and you know he's got boundaries, he would tell you if he couldn't do it or not but just to be able to see him, you know, being able to use his talents and and I think both of you guys have, for both you and Troy as nines, just you bring that non-anxious presence.
Speaker 2:So even when there might be technical difficulties going, on you guys may be feeling it on the inside, but I think, as nines like no one on the outside is like oh my gosh, they're freaking out.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, I was walking into the event and Troy was kind of walking in and how, hey, how are you? We were talking for a minute and he was like, well, I'm going to go in. It sounds like they may have a few things to. You know, look at, they're having a few difficult season. I was like oh my gosh we've been standing out here talking for five minutes.
Speaker 1:You know, he's just so calm, he is so calm, he is so calm. Yes, yeah, he was calm today when, as we worked, through all of that and yeah, yeah, I think about as anxious as you'll see me is if I'm walking fast.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You know, you can tell that I walk intentionally when I'm working and that's the sign. Yeah, just let him do that, because he's going to work through the problem. Yeah, troy's got peace coming out his ears.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, and you hold that space too of just like staying calm, because I mean, I have no technological abilities at all, so to even know what needs to be done, like Well, like I've said before, when I've reached out and said, damon, my computer's messed up and you're like, turn it off, that is my expertise.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, that's all you mostly need to know these days.
Speaker 2:Yes, but you stay calm and collected, and well, that keeps, keeps all I'm like that duck right, that looks calm on the top underneath the feet are paddling really fast quite a bit, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, speaking of ducks, yes, they have wings. They do have wings. What a transition.
Speaker 2:That is a great segue. You know, we've just gone through all of the nine core numbers. So, like for you, as a nine, I'm an eight. That's our core number.
Speaker 2:But, then what sets the enneagram apart is that not everybody is going to just fit right into that core number box, and so within our numbers, we have wings to each side of our numbers. So, for example, the one, the numbers to each side are the nine and the two, and so if you think about, like flapping your wings, those numbers on each side would be the wings that that you would look at, that are connected to your core number and a lot of times people have a dominant wing, like for me.
Speaker 2:My dominant wing is the seven. I know you're still looking and also, you know, maybe feeling a blending of, like the nine wing eight or the nine wing one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm equally split. I really do believe that. Yeah the perfectionist in me, did I just line all the pencils up?
Speaker 2:You didn't even think about it.
Speaker 1:They're all lined up. I was like who did that? I was like who would put that, who would not?
Speaker 2:and I do, else would do it. I'll just said no one else, just you, my OCD.
Speaker 1:Yes. So yeah, either that or yeah, right, so I'm evenly split.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah so it's the number to each side and and how we talk about that, like if someone were to say To me, like Kelly, what's your enneagram number, I would say eight, wing seven, mm-hmm. And so that's just kind of a way to think about that in terms of the wings. So I thought we could go through and just think about Each of the nuances with the different numbers and the wings.
Speaker 1:Okay, are we gonna go through everyone? We might not get through them all.
Speaker 2:no, I think probably let's just try to go through three. Okay, we could, we'll see how, how we can do and just break it up into maybe three. Okay, three segments. So what do you want to start? So let's just start with the one, okay, and so the one has a type one, wing nine, or one wing two again, those are the the wings for the one, and so there's some titles that are given to the different Wing combination. So type one with the wing nine has been called the optimist.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow. Yeah okay, wait, no way, wait, so hold on. This is new, so One's usually have an animal, like each number has an animal and a bit, and already a name in a way right, like if I'm nine and I'm a mediator or peacemaker and one is the reformer right, uh-huh?
Speaker 2:or the good person will say around, be you yeah okay, or it may be on the negative.
Speaker 1:They're the judge or their critic, or something. I don't know so they have the names for the number. But now, if we combine the two now we have a new name. Yes, Well this is next level.
Speaker 2:It is next level and not to Give us too much information, but I think it's sometimes helpful just to resonate with some of the nuances Because, again, the one there, with their core number, they are valuing and attracted to goodness. But the optimist is the one that is one wing nine, and so they're a little more idealistic and a little more principled than other type ones. They're also a little bit more reserved and A little bit more full philosophical at times. Okay, so you see that one moving into that nine space of really leaning into peace, and so you know someone that is a one-wing nine. Here's some things that that they would want you to know about them. Is it okay to share?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think this is great. You're probably gonna have to really teach during this, and that's okay. Everybody's sitting there listening, just like I am, so don't don't think you're over sharing.
Speaker 2:Okay, like that. Okay, well, the one-wing nine is the optimist. Here are some things that they would ask that we don't do, and so they would ask us Not to interrupt them. You.
Speaker 1:I do that all the time. You know what I mean, Kelly. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Also to harshly criticize them. That's just very unsettling to them. So you think about the one who wants to do the right thing, but then also with that nine-wing wanting to keep peace. So when they are harshly criticized, that just breaks their hearts. And so, again, it's not that we have to fluff things up, but just like maybe even being able to ask them hey, I'd like to share some feedback with you when would be a good time to do that? So it's like you're alerting them. They're still in a bit of control and they can prepare themselves, but using more of those positive conversations versus like you're not doing this.
Speaker 2:You're not doing this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, yeah, this is like okay, your mind just exploded. Well, the reason is because I always think of people.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And I think about how I communicate with them and when I'm working with them, what I'm doing or if it's family member or same thing, not that I'm thinking of a family member, but I am, and so, like when I would, if this person is a one-wing nine and I'm trying to, let's say, offer solutions for problems, and maybe all they want me to do is just listen but, I'm trying to either critique or fix Right. That can be unsettling today.
Speaker 2:Right, because how that goes through their lens is that maybe they're not good enough, or also that they're not doing it right. Okay, and so.
Speaker 1:That's really good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I hope everybody got that.
Speaker 2:And another thing that one-wing nine would want us to know is that it really bothers them if they feel like they've been overlooked.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And so they really appreciate again, not that we have to get out the banners and the huge celebrations, but just to be able to say, hey, I saw that, or hey, I really appreciated that, just so that their efforts aren't overlooked. Okay, so that's important for them too Also for them.
Speaker 2:They are the ones that really reflect being calm and balanced and also judicial. So they, again, that nuance of moving into that nine space keeps them calm. Balance, you know, for the nine, nine's like to keep balance, but also that sense of doing things right, what is the right thing to do. And so another thing that they really love that I wanted to share too is they love volunteering with a charity and so a group that they just really feel like is doing good in the community. They really love to be connected to doing good work with those charities, also being able to work on personal improvements. So again we see the one that wants to be self-disciplined but to be able to, you know, look at, okay, what are some ways that I can personally grow and improve. And another thing that they really love is advocating for justice.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So they like to be in those positions of just helping move things forward for those that maybe can't necessarily always help themselves. All right yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's a one-wing nine optimist. Yeah, it feels like it could swing over to the one-wing two, which is probably what we're talking about next but because the two is the helper. So that's why I thought a couple of those would fit both numbers probably, but all right, now the one-wing two is called the activist. Okay, so they just took it up a notch right.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes so they're moving into that helper piece, so they're just a little bit more warmer and more motivated by personal relationships. They have empathy, you know. So that's that one that also connects into the empathy of the two, to be able to really understand and really know what someone might be feeling. Also, the one-wing two is usually more extroverted than the one-wing nine, so they get energized by being with people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, all right, I'm calculating, that's what I'm doing Going through the people I know, going, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Also these numbers, the one-wing two, also has been called the advocate at times too, because they're willing to step in and be helpful. So these are some things that they would want you to know not to do. Again, they're also really sensitive to criticism and so, like the ones wing nine Also, they do not like to have people talk negatively about them. So, and then also to be able to know that it really hurts them if someone says to them that they're being self-righteous. Huh, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean that hurts everybody, but yeah, I suppose it glances off some people more than others.
Speaker 2:Right, because I think for them they really do want to help others and so if someone is pointing out to them like they feel like they're just doing it for their own self-righteousness like they're like oh, that's totally missing what I'm wanting to do here, Right yeah.
Speaker 1:And in some regard, they're trying to do things perfectly and they're trying to give perfectly. And someone else mistakes that for being self-righteous.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Now they're like no, that's, you know they're not perfect.
Speaker 2:if that's the case, Right, exactly, and you know again for that one being sensitive to wanting to make things right, better, good, and so when we're communicating with them, we want them to know that we're coming alongside them with a shared interest to make things better. Okay, and then it's more of a personal like attack seems too strong.
Speaker 1:But you know, if we're critic, yeah criticizing them personally.
Speaker 2:they do take that really to heart, because that is so not why they're doing what they're doing. So they feel misunderstood, and so the one wing two really is empathetic and warm and also principled.
Speaker 2:So those would be three words that we would use to describe them, and here are some things that they really love to do. Again, they also love to work for justice and they also really love collaborating with others. So where the one wing nine might be more of kind of a lone ranger, the one wing two is like hey, let's get together and collaborate, let's be on this team together. And then they also really love to solve problems. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well I, this is so interesting we all are, as we're listening to you we're thinking about. Maybe, if we know one, we're thinking about that person, or maybe it's us and we're thinking about which way we lean and it's it's actually quite kind of confusing in a way, because the ones that I know I think they're pretty well split on a lot of that.
Speaker 1:Sure, so yeah the only they maybe would be able to answer. I was thinking of an individual and I was thinking, oh, they're a one wing nine. And then when you said they're usually more extroverted than I'm like, okay, wait, now they're a one wing two, so I don't you know so Well, and one wing nines would be more introverted but, the one wing two, yeah, would be more extroverted.
Speaker 2:So, like you said, with this person you're thinking of, they're more extroverted.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So that threw me then, because the one wing nine stuff was kind of like okay that, yeah, that's probably them.
Speaker 2:That's probably them. Not that I know, but Well, and again it's about motivations. You know what are the core motivations, but then you're bringing up a great point to Damon, with introversion and extroversion. You know it really is what energizes someone and it's a continuum. So you know, for some people who are maybe more introverted, it doesn't mean they don't want to be with people. It just may be that once they're, people doubt they need to go be by themselves to replenish.
Speaker 1:That's very good. That's a good teaching point on that Cause. That was true, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, so that's the one. Yeah, the man, one wing nine and one wing two.
Speaker 1:Got your money's worth today. It didn't hit everybody, all right.
Speaker 2:Yes, so let's move on to the two. Okay, one is called the companion. Some of these feel like different shades of gray.
Speaker 2:You know, when you go to Sherwin-Williams and you're like I want to get gray and you're like, oh my gosh, there's 500 different grays. It's gray sky, gray mist, gray blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's okay, so anyway. So for the companion, they're a little more reserved and quiet, more idealistic than the other twos, the two-wing one as the companion. Here's some things that they would want you to know that they don't like. They don't like people to shame them, which sounds so harsh. It's like who would go around shaming people. But for that two and being in the heart triad, shame is that core injury point for them, Shame meaning there's something wrong with them or they're not worthy, they're not good enough. And so twos, threes and fours are really trying to reduce their shame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it may not be an intentional heart shame from someone, but it could be a glancing blow, so to speak of just a joke or whatever, and they're just a little bit more sensitive to that.
Speaker 2:Because that is such a tender spot for them. Just that shame. Also, another thing that they don't like is harshly criticizing them Again. So watching our words, to take our words really to heart as well. And then also the two-wing one. It really hurts them when we ignore their needs.
Speaker 2:So, again, if we remember about the twos, they are all about meeting the needs of others, but then in those healthy relationships we need to meet their needs as well. And healthy two would share those needs, but then if someone isn't willing to pour into them and again, not in a codependent kind of way, but they just really value companioning with people, but also being companioned with, if that makes sense. So three words we would use to describe the two-wing one very supportive. Also, they're very altruistic and they are also very reserved too. So maybe we would say they're maybe more introverted than the two-wing three. The two-wing three is gonna be much more extroverted. And so what? The two-wing ones love being needed. Again, like we said, twos are so great and just meeting needs, and so that really is life giving to them. Also, they love solving problems and serving others, so some things that really energize them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm trying to think of the twos that I know, and whether they lean in one or not. Yes, well, let's look at the three and two, wing three to just see what you think.
Speaker 2:So this is more of someone that's called the host or the hostess, and so they are much more social and ambitious. They're charming and outgoing and playful. Again, just love to bring people together, serving them, but also organizing and planning gatherings, so that's why they're called the host or hostess. So the things that they don't like is when they feel rejected, and so rejection again, kind of like the shame for the two wing one, rejection for the two wing three just feels like someone isn't accepting them because they really value that being loved and accepted by others. Another thing they don't like is neglecting their needs or having their needs neglected, or then also this is one to keep in mind, that's a big nuance is preventing me from meeting my goals.
Speaker 2:So if you think about the two, who wants to meet that goal, and it's like then the three get out of my way.
Speaker 1:I'm doing this.
Speaker 2:And so, then, the three words we would use to describe they are ambitious, altruistic and also charming. So the last thing I'll say about the two wing three the hostess is this is what they love, so these are things that really energize them. So, meeting new people.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So these two wing threes are-.
Speaker 1:They're extroverted.
Speaker 2:They are extroverted and we need two wing threes to be like the greeters. I was talking to someone recently and we're doing small groups around BU and she was talking about being so nervous about her first small group experience and she said you walk into a room you don't know anybody. I mean to me that just ugh. That vulnerability is almost keeps me from small groups at times. But when we have a two wing three that is welcoming people, that just helps to bridge that gap. So they love to meet new people. They also love making a difference. So whatever they're gonna be giving their time to, it's gonna be something that's gonna be making a difference in the world, and then also they love leading a group.
Speaker 2:So again in that extroverted way of gathering, people together they've got that plan.
Speaker 1:That makes a lot of sense in that Okay. Yeah, for sure, for sure, For, like, small groups, those are gonna be some great leaders.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:That's excellent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's the one and the two.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we probably. That's probably enough. So can you back up and tell me again what the names are and just remind us all in case we were writing this down. Yes, that's right that what the name of the one wing nine, one wing two, two wing one and two wing three. That is such a tongue twister isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe that's why they use names, just because it's like a little bit easier.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay. So the one wing nine is called the optimist. Okay. The one wing two is the activist or the advocate. So again, both of them wanting to value goodness, doing the right thing, one being a little bit more introverted or extroverted. And then the two wing one is the companion, so they're gonna walk alongside, be that person for people. And then the two wing three is the host or the hostess.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, now, so far. Let's see here if the one leans toward the nine, they're introverted, and if the one leans toward the two, they're more extroverted did we say that Typically? So yes, and if the two leans toward the one, they're more introverted, and if the two leans toward the three, they're more extroverted. There's a pattern there.
Speaker 2:Yes, that I'm seeing as we're going.
Speaker 1:I wonder if that's gonna continue.
Speaker 2:Well and yeah, it'll be interesting to see, but isn't that something like? The one leaning into the two wing is more extroverted.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But the two leaning into, the one is more introverted.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, oh, my goodness, this is like algebra. I think I'm not. Oh, I think this is-.
Speaker 2:Did your eyes just cross? Are we gonna?
Speaker 1:do maths? No, because I don't math very well.
Speaker 2:Hey, I know the enneagram even of itself is enough. But yeah, we're not gonna do algebraic problems.
Speaker 1:It's really interesting, though, that you would think that just the nine numbers would be all there is. Oh, no, people, there's much more to this.
Speaker 2:Much, much more. But this helps us because, even as we're looking at our motivations and even like for you, in looking at the wings too, to just be able to set with us and go, okay, what truly does motivate me, like, let's say, for example, two that may need to slip into that three wing, as a hostess or host, maybe leading a group, but that's not life giving for them. For them it's more of like, instead of leading a group, I just wanna do like a one on one with people, or I just wanna meet with someone. So it just really helps people to understand. This is how I tick and, yes, we're gonna get stretched out of our comfort zone, but this is my sweet spot.
Speaker 1:That's great, yeah, wow. Well, that's a lot to learn and, man Kelly, I really appreciate you sharing all of that. And we have a few numbers to go with a few wings for those numbers. So one thing I never say is that there is a way to contact us and we don't advertise this a ton. But if you go to vufaithcom and fill out a contact, just the form on the website you can reach out to us there.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And just say hey, I have a question about Enneagram and I don't think we'll be able to answer every single question, but we've had a few people do that and it's worked okay.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:We can give you a quick reply If we know the answer. If we don't, we'll say well, damon doesn't know the answer and Kelly's out of town, please drift all question to Damon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Kelly's out of town, so no, but that helps with some interaction with our listeners. Just to know, like, what's making sense. Is there anything that needs to be clarified, right? So yeah, we would love and welcome any questions or comments.
Speaker 1:Yep, and if we get overwhelmed, guess what? We're not gonna answer. Right, that's the honest truth.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But I don't think we will. Yeah, so both of you that are listening out there, if you need to contact, us.
Speaker 2:I think we have a question.
Speaker 1:All right, well, hey, thanks everybody for joining us on Enneagram. You and I hope you have a great weekend. We will see you next time. Bye Kelly, bye Damon. Tell me what you do. Tell me what you do With all of your heart, with all of your soul. Get out of love. Play a part.