EnneagramU
Unlock your true you! Dive into the Enneagram with Damon & Kelly. Personalities, relationships, work - it's all here, every Wednesday. #EnneagramU #WorkplaceDynamics #EmotionalHealth
EnneagramU
Enneagram Harmony Triads
Finding Balance and Harmony through the Enneagram Triads
From Frustration to Progression
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Welcome to Enneagram U with Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. With your skeptic or an enthusiast, together, we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey, everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. This is Damon, and I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hey, damon. I thought, I'd just change it up today.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:We always hit it really hard.
Speaker 2:We're always upbeat.
Speaker 1:Yep, and I thought there might be somebody out there not feeling upbeat today. So I just wanted to connect with them.
Speaker 2:That's right, and that's me, yes, so I guess that just leaves us right into your feeling. That's me.
Speaker 1:I just feel a little exhausted. Got up at five in the morning and I stayed up till midnight and I'm like I gotta quit doing that. Oh, because then I just am feeling like I'm falling asleep at my desk. Yes, and my work is not completely exciting. Yes, it is, and full right now Just the season, it is all the time, so I'm just a bit exhausted and probably too punchy to even be talking into this microphone. This should be really good, I'm just gonna let you talk now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you're feeling exhausted. Yeah, how are you feeling? I am feeling just excited. We had a great weekend. So my husband's 35th class reunion was Saturday night. Is that fun?
Speaker 1:It was so fun. I'm terrible at class reunions, okay, but that's okay. Do you go? I don't.
Speaker 2:Sorry, all my classmates Did you ever go.
Speaker 1:I went once. You kind of half know this story I do. I kind of half You're setting me up, let you just share. No, it's okay. Yeah, I went to my five year and it was good and then I tried to do the 10 year and get that going and it didn't really pan out and then since then I've done it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know I'm old, so I haven't been. If one in a while, yes, Well, yeah, how was yours, though?
Speaker 2:It was great. Yeah, we had just a wonderful time in Sedalia, which is where our hometown is. My husband and I were high school sweethearts Yay, so we enjoyed Smith Cotton's homecoming parade. The game was a little rough. They played Helias and lost. I think it was 63 to 0. Out. Yeah, the second half was only 45 minutes because the clock didn't stop for the Mercy rule.
Speaker 1:Well wait, those schools are very different in size, aren't they?
Speaker 2:I know, but they're now in the C-MAC, so the Central Missouri Athletic Association, okay.
Speaker 1:So smaller schools do have to play larger schools?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so they play Rockbridge and Hickman. I think Smith Cotton beat Hickman this year. Okay yeah.
Speaker 1:Or sorry, hickman fans.
Speaker 2:Yes, but we had a great time get to visit friends and family and, oh yay, his class, the class of 88 from Smith Cotton. It is a special group, like they. Even back in the day they had all the different groups that normal schools have.
Speaker 1:Right the breakfast club.
Speaker 2:Yes, but then they all just like had each other's back, that's nice yeah. So yeah, they're just, they get back together and it's just like family that's cool how many people were in his class.
Speaker 1:Your class is.
Speaker 2:So we're thinking like 250 were in his class.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, that's actually for some people that's big. Mine was like 120. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:So and there were probably 25 to 30 of the alumni you know from his class that were there and spouses.
Speaker 1:So it was a good turnout.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:Well, after that many years, sometimes it just drops off over time.
Speaker 2:It does, or then it picks back up, because you know you were getting closer to the end. Yes, and the president said just you know, in having a little speech after we ate, like does anybody need to get up and say anything Like you know, as the longer we're going, the you know. Each year it's going to be fewer and fewer of us.
Speaker 1:You know it's anyway. It was funny when he was doing, but it's like part of that is true. That is true. You're not. You guys aren't quite that far along yet, right.
Speaker 2:But you know, yeah, my dad's 55th class reunion was also this weekend. He did not go, they went to the 50th, but he sees so many of the people that he grew up with.
Speaker 1:Your class reunions go every five years.
Speaker 2:They can yeah.
Speaker 1:I think maybe ours and my wife's. They're moving to 10 years, yeah.
Speaker 2:Every 10 years, yeah Well, I think the 50th. They decided we do need to do this more often because you know it's getting where they're all older and Gotcha, yeah. So anyway, that was fun. It was fun to go back home and see friends and get to hang out.
Speaker 1:Good Well, you're excited, I am excited, and the Raiders won. They did. I mean, I don't know why we're talking about the Raiders every week now, but everybody knows you're crazy about Raiders they won Monday night and they won yesterday, but your quarterback got hurt.
Speaker 2:He did. Yeah, he may be out. I don't know his back a back injury Sounds bad. I don't know, but they're winning two in a row, yes. Barely winning, but I couldn't watch it I couldn't, could you watch it? Well, yes, I couldn't find. We have a. Have you heard of Uzu?
Speaker 1:No, no, that's where they stick the Raiders. Well, it's where you get any, any game any professional game, so you just pay this subscription and you get Like NFL Ticket is what they. Yeah, Kind of.
Speaker 2:Okay, it feels a little more sketchy, sounds sketchy.
Speaker 1:Uzu.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes.
Speaker 1:All right, so Well, that's cool. We have an Enneagram show to do.
Speaker 2:We do have an Enneagram show, and I am excited to share this with you, damon, because this is one of those theories that I think we'll really connect to, I think our, our listeners will connect to. So we're going to talk today about the Harmony Triads.
Speaker 1:Okay, how many, how many things are there with the?
Speaker 2:enneagram so many.
Speaker 1:There's a. I'm sure there's a book on this too, Probably Okay, we did triads last. No, we did arrows. Did what?
Speaker 2:did we do last week? We did arrows, yes, we did arrows.
Speaker 1:So this is a similar Information overload.
Speaker 2:Yes, kind of similar in the fact that, instead of the arrows, the harmony triads are really what we're looking at. So, instead of the lines that make the star-like shape, we're looking at three triangles. So the original triangle, which you're a part of, is the three, six and nine.
Speaker 1:Well, I gotta take a time out. Okay, the three, six and nine is a triangle. And then I think last week, I said I thought all of them were triangles and then we were like, no, they're not the arrows, don't make triangles with every numbers. But now today you're telling me there is such a thing as I might not be completely crazy. No, you're not.
Speaker 2:So the harmony triads would be three triangles, so yeah, you're not that far off.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's what I was thinking of. Of course it was. Yes that's right? I have no idea.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so these are just different ways for the three numbers in each of the triads to experience having a place in both the head, heart and gut triangle or in the triad. So for the three, six and nine, I gotta write this down.
Speaker 1:hold on, I gotta draw a picture. This may blow your mind.
Speaker 2:So the three, six and nine. The nine is the gut, the three is the heart and the six is the head. So there's a touch point in each of the triads the head, gut and heart. But with the arrows there's not that touch point in each of those different triads. And so when we look at the harmony triads, so it's the three, six, nine, then it's the two and the five and the eight, so the two being in the heart, the five being in the head and the eight being in the gut, and then the one, four and seven.
Speaker 1:Yep, my picture is really bad, yeah, but.
Speaker 2:But what did you just draw? It looks more like a star. Yeah, it's a star. Yeah, it's a star, okay. And so the reason that I think that these are important for us to understand is I've heard it said that the original enneagram with the arrows are more prescriptive and this harmony triad theory is more transformative. So it really helps us to oh, I like that word Okay think about how to lean into those numbers and to see that it's more of living within a triad with a core number versus the arrows.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm gonna say that again. So it's a nine, six and three, or is there a certain way to say it? Are you supposed to say nine, three and?
Speaker 2:six. No, I think it's.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter which number's first, right, because you're just gonna look at it. If you're a three, your number's probably first, you'll start with three three, six and nine, okay, and then eight, two and five, seven, one and four. Yes or one seven and four.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, so kind of diving in. Let's start first with the three, six, nine. Okay, your triangle. And so there's been just research and different things developed with this triad. So the three, six and nine as people have done different theories, they have been called the pragmatist.
Speaker 1:That's a tough word.
Speaker 2:I can't say it. It is pragmatist.
Speaker 1:Oh, kelly, more names. I know More names. We just did every number has a name. Then we did Every wing every wing has a name. Well, this is the. I want a book of all the names now. Yes, this is great. Well, this may be our app. Okay, yes, we add the names. There has to be an app for this.
Speaker 2:But the reason that they're called this is because they really all three of those numbers really relate to how they come alongside others in the world and they help us all to learn how to thrive in the world, and so they've also been called the attachment triad.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because they really help us to connect on kind of a down to earth, people to people kind of way of relating in our daily lives. They've also we'll just get more names here the earth triad Okay, all right. Because they really look at our society's basic existence by looking at attachments in our world. Okay, all right. Yeah, so they some things to think about, so they thrive alongside others in the world. They tell us how we connect people to people on a daily basis in life and then they really help us. I think this idea of blending and thriving in our world, what you think as we look at that the threes really help us to look at how we can be successful or achieve the sixes look at how to keep us safe and loyal, and loyal To one another.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:The nines, how are we peaceful and really connecting? Harmony, Harmony, yes. So what's important, though, for us? Not to just look at what the numbers bring into the world, but also each of these numbers have lost something that they're looking for, and this is where I think the harmony triad is really helpful for us.
Speaker 2:So for the threes what's lost for the three is just their sense of knowing that just being in the world is enough. And so we know, for a three to be successful, being able like I'll be loved if so, that's where a three can really move from the average to the unhealthy side. And so, for a three, what's lost is just that sense of being in the world is enough. What's lost for the six is that sense of knowing that just pure being can manifest enough security and safety in our practical, sometimes hazardous, hazardous day to day world. And so for them again, this idea of being in the world, that safety and security is present. They don't have to overwork to get that. So they've lost that. And then for the nines, for your type, what they have lost is this idea of unconditional love that says that I matter too. And so they're always more focused on others than self, and sometimes lose themselves when they move to that average or unhealthy.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Okay, so these things that the numbers have lost?
Speaker 2:are they? Picking these up from the other numbers, then no, but that you can see those connections, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:I thought maybe there was something lost and that the other number like if you leaned into one of the numbers you're connected to, that is that comes back. But that's not what this is about.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean and I could see, though, I think you're on the right track there, because this is where being able to live more holistically in the nine going to the three and the three going to the six and the six going to the nine, it's this idea of how do we blend the attributes of those three numbers so that we can actually have a path forward.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, so the path forward for these three numbers is really like, collectively, it's really trying to reduce that focus on others or clinging to worldly kind of things, you know, like the three clinging to worldly possessions, the six clinging to ways that keep them safe. For the nine, maybe even clinging to, kind of this numbing out to be able to really be in the world. So, for the three, a really healthy place in their path moving forward is just knowing that being is enough. Okay, and I know we've said that, even like with the three, you know, being a human being and not just a human doer. For the six, it's really this idea of just resting, in being safe and secure in and of themselves, and you know, I think those who are, you know, christ followers it's finding that safety and security in their relationship with God. Okay, and for the nine, that sense of kind of that giving and receiving, so kind of that love of self, not in a prideful kind of way, but more of like what Jesus said, like love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Hoo wee Did, your brain just explode.
Speaker 1:That's a lot of information. That is a lot of information.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're probably again. If you're listening, you're gonna have to rewind that.
Speaker 2:You're gonna have to back up, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then our sister podcast would say rewind the tape. That's what they would say yeah, All right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do think it's helpful though, as we're looking at the numbers, to see how the three struggles that each of the numbers has can have some similarities. And then that path forward, you know, I would say the path forward for the three, six and nine is really focusing on being you know, and really, really focusing that attention on that.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, so the nine is a little bit like they don't know who they are. So there's that.
Speaker 2:Or even that underlying belief that I don't really matter, you know, or I don't matter as much as others. Okay yeah, Self-forgetfulness and mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Okay, and you said with the three it's more, they need to resist, just doing yes, okay, that they're being.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm and letting doing come out of the being versus hoping that doing will help them be.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Pragmatist Pragmatist yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, that sounds like a lot. We better hustle on yes, okay.
Speaker 2:So the two, five and eight is the other triangle and they have been called the relationalist.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:And so for them they really look at ways to thrive and moving energy in relationships, and so all three of them really are trying to reduce their rejection and so they've been also called the rejection triad, so they try to really lessen any possibility for rejection by providing necessary important functions in relationships and actually becoming trying to become more powerful in their own right in relationships. Okay, yeah, so you think about, for, like the two, the two might want to be, they might not see that they're trying to be powerful in relationships, but, man, if you need to depend on them and there's kind of a codependency that gives them some some yeah, some power yeah the five definitely trying to gain power through Intellect and knowledge and learning, and then the eight just powerful and being an important influence in the lives of others.
Speaker 2:They've also been called the human triad because they speak from the heart and they also are able to really form those bonds of Connection with people. And I think you can see that in all three of those numbers, like maybe maybe it's not as obvious with the five Right.
Speaker 2:I was just gonna say mm-hmm, yeah, but I think for them, offering thoughtful Analysis and problem-solving, they don't just do it for their own benefit. I mean, there is this sense of doing it for the greater good. Yeah, okay, mm-hmm. So for them, what's lost? For the twos? They have lost this more kind of this altruistic Love and care. That's just kind of a pure loving and caring. And they've lost this natural flow of giving and receiving. You know, again, trying so hard and that average and unhealthy state to be the one. Okay, so for the two, what they say that twos have lost is that altruistic kind of loving care where it's just this pure form of loving. You know, a lot of times for the two and that average or unhealthy place they are really loving in order to try to receive. So they've kind of lost that natural flow of like giving and receiving.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. For the fives, what they have lost is the sense of higher wisdom and understanding and this natural flow of them learning and sharing information in the world versus that average or unhealthy side. It's more of trying maybe to protect themselves or protect themselves from not knowing things. And then, for the eight, the one thing that the eight has lost is I think this is interesting at this feeling of innocence, of just Coming into the day with a fresh perspective.
Speaker 2:I, I do know, as an eight, reading a lot on just doing, processing on where innocence has been lost, you know, and trying to maybe gain power, control as a way to, you know, try to gain what was lost. So, anyway, okay, and so the path forward for these, these three are really being able to see how rejection is fueling what they're doing, you know. And so you know. Like, for a two, am I like overly loving or caring for somebody because I'm wanting to protect myself from being rejected? For the five, am I not having this natural flow of give and take of information because somewhere underneath I'm just afraid that I'm gonna be rejected because I'm not gonna know something? And then, of course, for the eight, you know that sense of being vulnerable, like when you're rejected. That taps in a vulnerability.
Speaker 1:This is like Enneagram 401 to me right now. If you're hearing the silence, it's just like okay, processing, processing. I'm trying to keep up with you and it's tough. So, let's keep going because, everybody. Our listeners are smarter than I am.
Speaker 2:And this may be, like you said, one of those things that if someone's been around the Enneagram for a while, might be like, oh my gosh, this is so cool. And for others it's like I was just trying to figure out my number. Like this is definitely a deeper end of the pool conversation.
Speaker 1:It's great, we need to do this.
Speaker 2:Okay. So the last triad would be the one four and seven, and they have been called the idealist or the utopians, okay, and so they really hold a vision for the way the world could be in order for life to thrive. And so, again, this idealistic, or looking for utopia, and you can really see that in these numbers like the one, this is how things should be, or this is be the perfect world. The four, you know, always looking for their true self or, you know, really wanting that authenticity. The seven, definitely wanting joy and all that life has to offer. And so they've also been called the frustration triad.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, before you move to that, I would say that, out of all of them that you've talked about, this one is the easiest for me to identify yes, With the other. So the idealist, yeah. And then what did you say?
Speaker 2:the frustration, yes, so they can be frustrated because here they have this deep desire for utopia or the ideal world and we're anything but that, and so that can be very frustrating, but yet the one typically does not necessarily recognize the frustration. It comes out sideways, like we've talked about. The four has to watch, because that frustration can lead them into, like at this, deep, dark mood. The seven can be frustrated, but again, they're not necessarily going to want to experience frustration and so they can go into.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly. They've also, interestingly enough, been called the heaven triad, because they just long for the perfect world. And, you know, we think about a verse in the Bible, ecclesiastes 311, that says that God has put eternity in the hearts of mankind. And so this idea that, like our hearts, really have been designed for heaven or this perfect world, and we're far from it.
Speaker 1:And they're just living that right here.
Speaker 2:Living it right here, yeah, awesome. So for them, you know what's lost. For the fours, you know what has been lost is actually let me start with the ones, the ones what has been lost is just that appreciation of variations and differences, that different isn't wrong, it's just different. But yet for them it's got to be one way, you know their way. For fours, what they have lost is just appreciating just the wholeness that is, and also, you know, coming to acceptance that that they're not lacking anything in and of themselves. You know they this is where fours can struggle also with that perfectionism of what's missing in them, what others have that they don't have. And then for a seven, what's lost is just embracing all of life, so the good and the bad, and being able to just see that wholeness of being in that, all that life brings. And so for them, the path forward is really for them to see the frustration, embrace the frustration. That is also a part of the gift that can help them move forward.
Speaker 2:You know, and so I say a lot of times and this is probably true for all of us in our numbers like we're going to hit those frustration points. But it's what we do when we're frustrated. Do we abandon ship or do we just keep moving forward? Do we know that this is part of the process? I know, when I was working on my doctorate, there were many times that I asked myself what am I doing? Why am I doing this, you know? And just having to hit that frustration point to say, hey, with any good thing, we have to embrace the frustration and move forward. And then we have to be able to be able to allow themselves to see just the gifts that are already there in their lives and to realize that, yeah, there's going to be a less than perfect experience that we're going to have, but there's still so many good things that they can experience If we're frustrated isn't it kind of hard to stop and say, hey, I'm going to embrace this moment?
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, and that's pretty difficult. That's just going to add more frustration.
Speaker 1:I mean we have to put the brakes on and step aside.
Speaker 2:Well, I think you first have to notice the frustration. You know just the pain that that can bring and then also being able to say, okay, what are some things I need to do to just kind of reset.
Speaker 2:I need to tell myself the truth. You know, this is why I'm doing this. You know, even though I know, for my doctorate I wanted things to be easier. I wanted to, just you know, get through. I remember my first draft of I don't know one chapter and my advisor sent back God bless her just so many notes and it just shattered my little perspective that I knew more. I thought I knew more than I did at that point. I learned a lot.
Speaker 1:There was a book that floated around VU for a while. It was before my time, but I think it. I'm gonna butcher the name, but it was something like the obstacle is the way, or something like that. I think it was popular around VU, so that would be it. It would be like understanding that being frustrated is a part of the process for this triangle. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes. So just to sum up a little bit. So we have the 369, which are the pragmatists, so they are really looking at how we can thrive in the world, people to people, really looking at attaching to others. Then we have the 285, which are the relationship or the relationalist, that really help us to look at relationships and how we move things forward there. And then the idealist, having to just really look at that we don't live in the ideal, perfect world. And how do we find a sense of peace in the midst of the frustration?
Speaker 1:I just have one word Exhausted I'm exhausted today.
Speaker 2:We have come full circle.
Speaker 1:Kelly, thank you so much for that. That was a lot. I'm gonna be thinking about this a little bit and I bet everybody that's listening is gonna be like what. I'm gonna be thinking about this too. But yes, well, and I think, if one more, thing that I can say just to wrap up.
Speaker 2:I really think the key to this harmony triad theory is that each number has a foot in head heart gut.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I know for me the two and the five, recognizing that again I can just kind of incorporate two and five in the eight into my full existence For you, three, six, nine, for the one, four, seven. That the seven goes to the four versus the seven going to the five and the arrow I think is significant because it allows that seven to go into a space of the heart triad and a lot of the sevens that I know have a real creativity.
Speaker 2:They do and so it just helps the seven not to have two feet in the head triad. It allows them to have, and then it also allows the two to move to the five instead of the four. That would be the other change which is helpful, because that way there's not two feet in the heart triad.
Speaker 1:Okay did you make all that up just now, or did somebody?
Speaker 2:else, Somebody else did. Oh, okay, okay because that was pretty impressive.
Speaker 1:You're just like I'm gonna move some arrows and make some triangles, and you probably used my idea from last week that these things should be triangles and you're trying to steal it but you're saying somebody else can't help it.
Speaker 2:Somebody else did.
Speaker 1:Yes, david Danielson is his name, so Is there a book out there, maybe by David Danielson? I'm sure there is.
Speaker 2:I don't know any particular ones that he's written. He's got a lot out online about it. I do know a good friend of mine, claire Lowridge. Her and her husband wrote spiritual rhythms of the Enneagram and so she talks a lot about these harmony triads because even in the spiritual realm of looking at, she incorporates, like the Trinity, so the Father, son and Holy Spirit in this and so, yeah, it can go really, really deep.
Speaker 1:Maybe that book is spiritual rhythms of the Enneagram.
Speaker 2:If people wanna.
Speaker 1:Google that and find it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Claire and Scott Lowridge, and it was also written by the Calhouns to Adele and Doug Calhoun.
Speaker 1:So you know all those names.
Speaker 2:I know Because you know them. They're great people.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Great people. Yeah, you're endorsing them in their book right now I am. That's cool.
Speaker 2:It's helpful, for sure.
Speaker 1:Well, kelly, like I said, my mind is blown. I'm exhausted and I'll probably need to read some of those books.
Speaker 2:Yes, but I don't have time, I know, because I'm too exhausted.
Speaker 1:Anyway, thanks everybody for joining us on Enneagram U Today. Please check out some more of our content on vufaithcom and don't hang up just yet, cause I want more things to say, and that is have a good day. Bye, bye Kelly, bye Damon. Tell me what you do Without loving your heart, without loving your side. Get out of love, play it hard.