EnneagramU
Unlock your true you! Dive into the Enneagram with Damon & Kelly. Personalities, relationships, work - it's all here, every Wednesday. #EnneagramU #WorkplaceDynamics #EmotionalHealth
EnneagramU
Enneagram Types and Mis-types
Ones, Threes, and Eights. How does the pursuit of perfection drive each type differently? Is your strive for perfection about making the world better or feeling accomplished in the eyes of others? Let's explore the motivations and unique traits that set each type apart and delve into the realities of mis-typing on the Enneagram.
But, that's not all. We also dive deep into the similarities and differences between Enneagram types Two, Six, and Eight. Their motivations, emotional nature, and power dynamics are all on the table. What's common between their dominating personalities and passionate care for others? How does overindulgence impact their lives?
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Welcome to Enneagram U with Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. With your skeptic or an enthusiast, together, we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey, everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi, kelly, hey, damon, happy Halloween yesterday. Yes, was it?
Speaker 2:scary. Oh my gosh, so scary Okay.
Speaker 1:It was cold. Do you guys do anything for Halloween?
Speaker 2:We have in the past lots of fun times with the kids, fall parties and dressing up. We've got a lot of couple costumes that we've worn through the years, but yeah, just passed out candy and tried to stay warm.
Speaker 1:That's it. My son loves Halloween. This is his favorite holiday. Have you noticed how many lights there are for Halloween now? I know, the decorations have quadrupled since. Well, they never used to do that, ever.
Speaker 2:No, maybe you decorate inside your house, yeah, yeah. Now, though, my friend Kathleen Stevens has Skelly Skeleton on Southampton. Oh, you know the owners of Skelly. Oh yes, I didn't know that, and so this last year got the female. I mean they're both Skeletons but they dressed them up. You know there's no anatomically yeah.
Speaker 1:I got you.
Speaker 2:But, anyway, yeah, they're opening up their yard, or they opened up their yard for trick-or-treaters to come and have pictures with the Skeletons.
Speaker 1:That's cool.
Speaker 2:They have a hashtag.
Speaker 1:Yes, and they dress them up as different characters?
Speaker 2:Yes, I think for a while, and they still may be Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. How appropriate, yes.
Speaker 1:That's funny.
Speaker 2:I was in the garden room one week because we drive by those going from one office to the other office.
Speaker 1:We drive by those, so it's great.
Speaker 2:Mizzou, Great fun yeah they had football on. Yes, Mizzou stuff. So that's fun. But yeah, who would have ever imagined. I think they're 12 feet Skeletons, oh yeah, and people are buying them. Yes.
Speaker 1:Not just that. That's, I think, the first one that I did see, and now they're kind of everywhere.
Speaker 2:I know, I know.
Speaker 1:It's a thing to really make your yard scary.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the decorations.
Speaker 1:I don't think I'll ever do that. No, but some people do. I enjoy looking at them for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fun. I'm the pumpkins and mums, yeah, mums.
Speaker 1:That's my. We didn't even do. We were so busy this year we didn't do mums.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That was a big challenge for my wife. She's like, yeah, I just don't think I'm going to do that this year. I was actually quite happy about that.
Speaker 2:but the other flowers are now gone and I know yeah, but most people add mums yeah, it's good yeah.
Speaker 1:The pumpkins and we haven't done that in a while. I need to do that yeah.
Speaker 2:It's just fun. Well, and for me, I love fall, and so one year my husband did a big birthday party for me, which my birthday is in November, but it was all fall with decorations, and so he bought I don't know probably 10 fake pumpkins. So I actually use the fake pumpkins on the front porch.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Get a rot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're pumpkins over there, Like they never rot.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:So Are they cut out pumpkin jack-o-lanterns or just pumpkins.
Speaker 2:No, they're just pumpkins, all right. Yeah, that's great. They're kind of a dull color, but they're faded pumpkin. Not rotted, though, just faded Not rotted, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, how are you feeling today?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, feeling, I think. On one hand, I feel replenished, so we went to visit some friends this weekend in Indiana. They have a retreat center and they are just amazing. They're amazing couple Cool and so just time there resting, we read, we played games, just had wonderful times. I feel really replenished on one hand, but reentry yeah.
Speaker 1:So then I'm like huh, I know you came in pretty excitable, yes and I'm like she is 10 out of 10 right now she's going as fast as she can go.
Speaker 2:I know, and so try in again. As I've mentioned that balance point of like okay, breathe between it's okay, don't have to. My urgency of the eight wants me to check off everything on my to-do list by noon and that's just not going to happen and not realistic.
Speaker 1:Wow, I'm like, yes, you are.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Congratulations.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm trying to just be okay with that reality yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are going fast. Yes, yep.
Speaker 2:It's good to breathe. How are you feeling?
Speaker 1:Same. Okay, that's my word. I couldn't come up with a word.
Speaker 2:I was thinking which category is that under Same yeah?
Speaker 1:I was saying, my fancy word is I am saturated.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:That's a good word, I'm not stressed, really, but completely full with activity of work.
Speaker 2:Yes, and.
Speaker 1:I yeah, that's it. I'm not really stressed about it, but it is a full load and, yeah, I couldn't add anything else it almost feels like we're spinning plates. I had that image in my head as I was driving here today I was trying to think what's my motion and I'm like I'm spinning plates. They haven't fallen, except almost at the ground, because I walked in today and we use a podcast or recording unit to do the podcast, and I looked at the table and went, hmm, it's not there.
Speaker 2:Uh-oh, that plate is. Who has?
Speaker 1:borrowed it. And then I realized I have borrowed it and it's still at my house and so I need to run home. So that plate almost got dropped.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Well but it allowed for me to have a little space so that Actually, when something a plate falls. It can actually be a gift in kind of a random way.
Speaker 1:But you're right about that and gave you time to read over a few notes, because we do need to give our listeners some content today.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, that's right, we have a podcast.
Speaker 1:It's not just about us and our ever spinning lives right, it's just us relating to everybody else and they're all just nodding going. Yes, that's me too.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think this time of year and I hope I'm not just trying to justify, to say, oh well, it's just the season, you know, maybe it's just my lack of boundaries, but you know, this time of year with, yeah, just the busyness I know, especially with our jobs, with, yeah, small groups and, you know, preparing for Christmas season, advent and we get to do an amazing thing called feast forums, and but it it takes a lot of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you put all that together and this it becomes our sprint. So yes, and then we have, and then we have times that are a little slower. Mm-hmm and, but this isn't it.
Speaker 2:This is not it, so we will spin what?
Speaker 1:are we gonna talk about with the Enneagram today? Well, last week I've I've lost my mind. I didn't I yeah, yeah, we hard week you had to have your floaties on.
Speaker 2:It was the deep end of the pool.
Speaker 1:I drown.
Speaker 2:Yes, wow, yeah, and those, those harmony triads as we spoke about just Again. For those that have been a part of understanding Enneagram for a while, you know, probably take someone who's Experienced with Enneagram, but you know. Like we're saying, if you're in more of the learning, you know yeah. It's okay to not not really understand all of that, but today, mm-hmm, we are going to be talking about Enneagram mis types.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you know we know with the numbers and I think you and I have both experiences in our story. I know for me really thinking that I was a two for so long when actually the eight is, you know, my core number. You know for you wanting to be, all the other numbers.
Speaker 1:That's right. That's so true. You have a very specific one. I think when I started take all my massive test taking what. I wanted to come out of that was maybe a three or an Eight, and then I ended at the nine.
Speaker 2:So and you know, as we talk about with, with others, so often the number that we are is different than the number we want to be.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And so there's can be just those subtle differences of the grass is greener, you know, and any other number when that's not the case, but anyway. So we're gonna just take a few weeks to look at some of the numbers, all the numbers, and how they might be mistyped with other other numbers.
Speaker 1:So okay and you're gonna explain that. There are some numbers. I'm assuming that often get Mistyped yes, it's like it makes sense that the two and the eight would be mistyped.
Speaker 2:Maybe.
Speaker 1:yes, that is one, All right yeah so you know, yeah, well, I just know you. Yeah, I know your confusion.
Speaker 2:Yes, you've journeyed along that that train. Yeah, yeah, so we'll start with the one. Okay, which is the good person? Any guesses on what the mistypes might be?
Speaker 1:So yeah, I would immediately go to the wings as a mistype but, that's not right. One and nine could get mistyped, and one and two don't seem like they could get mistyped. But then there's those nasty arrows and I can't remember what the one points to. So the answer is what it? What will be on my tombstone? I don't know, or he didn't know so what is it?
Speaker 2:Hey, this is part of the learning process. Well, okay, so the top two mistypes for the one is three and eight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was way off.
Speaker 2:Hey, I didn't come close, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Okay but you'll see in a moment. So the one is the good person and the three let's start with that one first as the efficient person. Both of them are really highly efficient. They are very responsible, well organized, both very much task oriented people Always seem to strive for the best. So there's a lot of similarities there and really I think for the people who are ones and threes, they may feel like am I a one or am I a three? Or if we work with them, we may think, I don't know, I could see that person as a one or three.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm but again we want to look at what the motivations are. So what motivates them to do what they do. So the one, and here's it. Here's a name. So of course we've got to add some names, but these are names We've heard before let me get my pen out, yes, all right Get your notes ready. So the one their motivation, because they're more idealist, so their efficiency really comes from the need to do things right.
Speaker 2:Yep, I remember that, yeah, so they. They have a goal that they want to get to, and that is the standard that they want to live up to, and so, for them, they really are about achieving a goal that they set because it's the right thing to do. The three, though, is they're more pragmatist, so more pragmatic in what they do, so they really care less about the standards, and more about getting a job done in a way that looks good and, ideally, makes them shine in the process.
Speaker 2:Okay so threes really are more flexible than ones, ones are. Pretty much they stick to their principles, they stick to the goals. So that's another way to to discern a difference. Also, another major difference is in how they show their feelings. So ones, if you remember, in their struggle, their besetting struggle is anger.
Speaker 2:Yes and so they really do try to stuff their anger or disappointment, but they're not really good at concealing it, so it's gonna come out sideways, and for those of us that know them, we're gonna see, because they can't just push it down. We're gonna see it on their face. They're part of the gut triad that just express those negative emotions in a different way. Now a three, though when they are having feelings, they are much better at masking what their feelings are, and they just really a lot of times detach from their feelings to stay productive. And also Threes are trying to reduce their anxiety how and how others perceive them, and so they're gonna be able to mask what they're feeling to stay likable, and so that's another difference for them. And then the third way of telling the two apart is looking that for the ones they strive for perfection because they have a deep need to make the world better, to be better, and actually out of a deep feeling of anger that they have at things being imperfect. Okay, yeah, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah yep, but threes strive for perfection out of a need for feeling accomplished and good enough in the eyes of others. So just some subtle differences there.
Speaker 1:So the okay. So I'm gonna back up just a bit. I couldn't write fast enough, so just taking perfection in, let's just do one thing. So, let's go back to that perfection. So the one is striving for perfection because things are not right in the world, right, and the three is striving for perfection like, or just say that again about perfection.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, so the ones really want perfection. I'd say the threes want things to look perfect, and so that is okay.
Speaker 1:So ones are yes, ones want things to be perfect. Threes want things to look perfect, and that's where the confusion comes in on whether you're a one or a three.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, which is, I think, really important, because the ones are always gonna have that idealistic way of wanting the world to be, wanting them to be in the world, wanting others to be in the world. Ones wanna improve themselves, the others and the world Threes aren't so much about improving others in the world, they just wanna look like they've got it all together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right all right, I can see that. I can see that, yeah. And then the feelings. Like we said for the negative feelings, the ones are gonna have those feelings come out sideways, where we're gonna see their feelings, versus the threes. They're just gonna look like they have it all together, which is they can be detached from what they're feeling.
Speaker 1:So that's one way to tell them apart.
Speaker 2:Yes, what you're saying, yes.
Speaker 1:Sideway feelings yes that's right.
Speaker 2:The ones with the sideway feelings Well, it was threes. Feelings again and no feelings. Well, they have the feelings, but they're just masking. So the overall feeling for the three is trying to reduce their anxiety by others being pleased with them or by them shining, and so they'll tend to be about reducing anxiety.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, that's not as simple as you make it sound. No.
Speaker 2:Well, not that it's to be simple, but I know for the ones and threes. If there's confusion, those three elements really can be helpful in determining the difference.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:The other mist type, for the one is the eight.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Now, often the ones think of themselves more as eight than the eights thinking of themselves as ones.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And so you think about the one and the eight. First off, they share the same triad, so they're both in the gut triad, and so some similarities with the one and the eight. They're both strong-willed in their decision-making, they're very action-oriented in their ways of living. So again those gut reactions. And then, just moving out of those gut reactions, and both of them really have a strong sense for justice. But that's the point too, like when we think about justice. Ones see justice really as a moral principle that they need to uphold. That's the right thing to do. So they think a lot about this idea of fairness, equality, and so this is what makes ones really good in the field of, like, being an attorney or a judge. So they're really great at coming up with arguments of why their positions are morally correct.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Eight, though, when they think about justice, it's not so much as a principle to uphold, but they just can't stand seeing the weak being bullied. So this is where they're for the underdogs, and so for them, justice really isn't so much about everyone, but it's about justice for their people.
Speaker 1:Okay, so an eight could be a lawyer as much as a one could be a lawyer, right? So one is speaking or working through a lens that says I want there to be principles in this world.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And the eight is working through the lens. That says I want to defend this world and the people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or I want to protect my clients, my family, my friends, yeah, okay, and so for them to. They're not so much looking at convincing everyone about their moral principles, but they just, they try to use just this force of will to move their interests forward.
Speaker 1:Can't imagine that that's you yes. You find trying to force your will today through everything. Feel the power. Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, and so again, ones a lot of times want to identify themselves as eights, because eights just have this natural authority but for them being able to see that, that they are to reflect in the world this goodness, and so they can disconnect that from power. They don't have to be empowered to make things right or good, and so they usually take that moral high ground where the eights a lot of times need to again move into, as we talked about with the arrows, more of that compassion over power.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, because power is the thing that eight is yes, what is that?
Speaker 2:That is their, their, uh. What they reflect in the world is strength and power, Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And ones, ones can, can do without that, right, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that's another way to tell them apart. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Huh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's the misidentifications. The top two numbers that ones I can misidentify with are the, the threes and the eights.
Speaker 1:What are we doing? More numbers than this? We're going to go on, or is this it? Are we just doing those three?
Speaker 2:We can do just these three if we have more that we want to talk about. I just had a question.
Speaker 1:And it might, it might derail everything that's happening today and everyone's, the world might start spinning backwards. Oh okay, so the the two numbers. I need a counseling session. The two numbers that I often related to were the three and the eight. That's when we started the podcast, that's what I said.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Is it possible, in this practice of reviewing the mistype numbers, that I could discover that I'm a one and not a nine? You could, I'm just just throwing it out. Yes, and I relate to many things about the one. I've actually had some people say a year one and then that strong relationship to the eight. I was like, well, maybe that's cause it's the wing of the nine Right and then the wing of the one.
Speaker 2:Anyway, nine are very confusing people. Well, and, and that can be the space for the nine, because, as you take on attributes of all the other numbers, I mean think about the nine having mistypes.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But I think for you, and that wing of the eight and the wing of the one, and then the arrow to the three. I think that's probably more aware that misidentification can come in.
Speaker 1:People. Can you see why I'm out of my mind?
Speaker 2:They're like yes, can we move on please?
Speaker 1:No, that's that's the only thing I wanted to say. It's like wow, that's man. Now, all of a sudden, when you say it that way, I'm like maybe that's maybe that's some of the confusion I have.
Speaker 2:Well, and as you hear about the, the distinctions between the ones and the eights for you, even setting with the wing, you know, do one of those tend to feel more dominant to you?
Speaker 1:as you hear about the differences. No no.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I still think I'm in the middle. If I'm a nine, I still think I'm split down the middle but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know we should just keep going. Okay, let's do some other numbers.
Speaker 2:Because for for our listeners to really being able to set with these questions, and especially, I think, for those that are nines cause, that can be the most, the most challenging because you connect with so many of the other numbers.
Speaker 1:So Well, it's good that they're not too many of us out there. The world couldn't take it.
Speaker 2:But again we want to look at motivation. Yeah right, the motivation for peace is the nine, so all right, well, moving on.
Speaker 1:Let's move on.
Speaker 2:To the number two. Okay, Number two is the loving person. So any guesses with the misidentifications.
Speaker 1:Well, eight has to be one of them. You're right. Yeah, just because it's you. But that makes no sense to me. But it will in a second.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And the two and the. Now I feel like I'm just playing the lotto. To be quite honest, that's okay.
Speaker 2:You can make a good guess Five, okay, well, no, but that was the one.
Speaker 1:I could just like think. That's not it, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, so for the two numbers, the six.
Speaker 1:Oh, what the top? Oh, come on.
Speaker 2:The six is the top one that gets misidentified, and then the eight, as you're correct. So we can see the twos and the sixes just because they're both loyal friends and really they have caring language, ways of just being in relationships with others. So those can be tricky. So their behaviors are usually very warm and engaging towards others. They both put in a lot of effort in being liked and accepted. Also, they can both be emotional as well. But again, behavior isn't the only indicator and so again we wanna look at the motivation. So twos again, they're warm and friendly and their warmth and friendliness is because they wanna be close and intimate with others.
Speaker 2:So, for them, as we've said, relationship is more important than anything, and it is just an honor and a privilege for them to be in relationship with others. They wanna find out what is needed in relationships and give whatever is needed in order to be needed and valued.
Speaker 1:And so you're gonna say the six then is friendly because they don't wanna be close to others.
Speaker 2:Well, no.
Speaker 1:Oh you sixes.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, but here's a key distinction. So twos want the other person in the relationship to feel safe. Now, safety, we remember for the sixes. So sixes are friendly because they want to feel safe.
Speaker 1:The six wants to feel safe.
Speaker 2:So it's not necessarily about making sure everybody else feels safe, but first and foremost that they feel safe.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:So sixes don't usually then wear their heart on their sleeve a lot of times like the twos do Twos again, when they are in touch with their emotions, or they can be very emotional depending on what other people are feeling. Like twos are those compassionate friends that if you're having a conversation with a two and you're crying, a two's probably gonna cry too. Just because they bring up those emotions, get brought up. The sixes, though, don't usually wear their heart on their sleeve. Sixes two are more introverted than twos. Six is also in that head triad deal with fear and also some indecisiveness and self doubt, While twos are much more on that extroverted side and the twos challenge honestly in that dysfunctional side, for the unhealthy two is having to watch that pride or manipulation of wanting others to be dependent on them. So a six isn't going to want others to be dependent on them, they're going to be dependent on others.
Speaker 1:So the things they have in common is they're loyal and they're friendly and they're warm. But everything about why they get there is different.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's right. Yeah, so again, they're both really good at having lots of friendships. I mean, twos and sixes are going to have a whole room of friends for sure, but six really develop those friendships because they depend on others. Twos do it because they want others to depend on them.
Speaker 1:We often say six is the number one number out there and I don't know. So if you're a six, tell us. I guess. If that's true, I'm assuming that's true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think it's a place for sixes and twos again to recognize that word dependence. And what is that healthy balance of dependence? I mean, we all know we need to depend on others. We're not to be islands but for sixes, are they depending on others and that's actually taking away from their courage and strength within themselves? And for twos, are they giving to themselves as they are giving to others?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so a subtle difference there, but significant with the dependence. Okay, all right. So moving on to the two and the eight, this is one of the most common mistypes for both the twos and the eights. So we'll talk about twos in a couple weeks. I mean, we'll talk about eights in a couple of weeks. That misidentification with the two is also strong in the reverse way.
Speaker 2:So again, there's some similarities that they have. So twos can be dominating at times and intense, especially when they're in leadership position. So they can. They can have a similarity as the eight. Also, as we think about the strong emotions for the eight and their passionate care for others can make them look like a two.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:But twos are really never openly dominant towards others, like eights are. Twos want to exert control but it's going to be under this guys of concern for others, so they're not as direct or open in their maybe power struggles. But for eights it's going to be more direct and open.
Speaker 1:So twos and eights can both be dominating.
Speaker 2:That's what you're saying yes.
Speaker 1:And you can just tell in the eight because of it's more outward, yes, but the two is more inward. What does that?
Speaker 2:look like A two.
Speaker 1:You know that dominating feeling Because I'm agreeing with you. Yes, I'm not trying to like set you up or anything like that, because I think it's right. But there's an individual that I know that I swore they were an eight. Yes, and they were a two. It wasn't you Right. And so I think that the dominating part might be a piece of that. Mm-hmm. So I misidentified. So what does that look like? Dominating to, but it's inward, or something Mm-hmm. It's not passive, aggressive no no.
Speaker 2:I think it's just in how they try to powerfully help you. Okay, if that makes sense, that does make sense.
Speaker 1:That does make sense to me.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:So if you're dealing with a two, that is maybe more moving in that eight arrow, maybe in an unhealthy way it may look like your freedom has just been taken Because this person is going to help you. This sounds strong to say, but against your will.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, no, no, no, no I know too that we've talked about this already in other episodes where it's like hey, yeah, I don't want to eat that cake. No, no, I know you think I need that cake.
Speaker 2:Yes, but they're with a spoon. They're feeding you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's hard to keep pushing them away. Right, you feel like you're wait, we're not really fighting here. You're trying to give me something that I should really want and I do, but yeah, but I don't, but I don't.
Speaker 2:I need you to respect my now.
Speaker 1:Right, interesting, mm-hmm. Very interesting, yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so the other thing with the two and eight difference, the motivation obviously behind the two is very different. Eighths dominate because they need to really assert their power and control and strength, but twos dominate again to guarantee that others will stay dependent on them, and so it's kind of that upside down version of one another.
Speaker 1:It. Yeah. I don't want to say this, I'm going to say it, Okay. So it feels like you're giving me a little bit of a negative spin on the two for the dominating part Well, and I think that's where the two can move to the unhealthy side of the eight where they have to watch for really how they're exerting their power over someone and, and you know it, it is more of a passive way of doing it.
Speaker 2:but it's a passive way of trying to have control because, again in that unhealthy place, they want others to be dependent on them.
Speaker 1:But shoving cake in your face is not passive.
Speaker 2:No, no, no it's really tempting actually. Yes, okay.
Speaker 1:So that that, yeah, that that makes sense, that makes sense to me. So others will be dependent on them, though those feel a little negative.
Speaker 2:Yes. Well, again, it is that unhealthy side that the two's just again recognizing, like is they're trying to assert power over someone, pausing and saying okay, I'm doing that because I actually want others to love me, but this is a place where I need to pause and look at how am I taking care of myself in the midst of this? Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:I have to look something up really quick on my phone. Do you have anything else to continue to say? You should say it. I'm listening with one ear.
Speaker 2:Well, I would say for me, you know where I was confused with the two and the eight was again just being conditioned to love others. And so that can be, I think, that space for an eight, because eights really do love. And you know, eights may have a rough exterior, you know, especially those that you kind of feel like a bowl coming at you, but the underbelly of every eight is just this deep love that they have for, for their people. So that's another space, and we'll talk about that in a couple of weeks too. When we look at the eight and two, misidentification Right.
Speaker 1:What I was looking up is is there a book called Enneagram for Dummies? And there is.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I'm so disappointed that we couldn't be the authors of that Cause.
Speaker 2:Maybe we could do Enneagram for Real Dummies yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think there is one. I think this is real what.
Speaker 2:I'm looking at.
Speaker 1:I'm like I can't believe it.
Speaker 2:There is one right there, I know Well, I think there's the Four Dummies book for everything, don't you think? Yeah, probably yeah.
Speaker 1:But. But this is, I kept thinking that, like, as you speak and as you're telling all of this, I'm trying to like, picture it and put it together in my mind and I think I need pictures.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, and yeah.
Speaker 1:Then we say well, there's the app.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:The app can only do so much for me, no.
Speaker 2:Well, and again it's setting in this information you know and that's where I'm so glad that we're doing a podcast, because, as I do with many podcasts, I just listen to them over and over you know, because it just I do too. There's just different points that we're on our journey, where it's like oh, that makes sense to me now. I mean before it was over my head, but now.
Speaker 1:I get it Right, mm-hmm, very good.
Speaker 2:All right, so the last one, the last number is the three, the efficient person, and so there are misidentifications. Any guesses?
Speaker 1:Six and nine. I know that was Of course.
Speaker 2:Seven and eight?
Speaker 1:I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:Well, the seven and the three. The seven is actually the top number that gets misidentified. Misidentified with the seven.
Speaker 1:Then the three and the seven. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna assume it's because of the performance side of things and you know kind of being you know, under the spotlight there that kind of person? Yes, Yep.
Speaker 2:They both are really assertive. They can both be fun loving. They like to pursue wealth and status symbols. They're very likable and outgoing. They both can really have impressive accomplishments and they also can both be self-referenced, more focused on self than others. Okay. So this is where, again, we wanna look at the motivation. So the sevens really wanna experience all that life has to offer with simulation and excitement, and so when they acquire wealth or status, it's because of the different pleasures that it can give them.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But threes aren't so much doing it for that. They're doing it for the need for validation and for being able to be seen by others as having status and so being recognized by others. And so when they acquire wealth or you know different things, it's more of a status symbol, so that others will think highly of them.
Speaker 1:And that feels negative a little bit. So like the seven is like oh yeah, I wanna be assertive, fun, loving, have status and self-reference or whatever, because I wanna experience life, not who I am. The three, it seems like all those things assertive, fun, loving and all that is just I need to be validated.
Speaker 2:Well and again. Part of that is a recognition of needing validation. I mean, that is an emotional need that we have. It's just again, I would say, for both having to watch where is that healthy in our lives and then where does that start to slip over in. Okay, I'm like for a seven. I'm needing all of these things, like I need to have a job where I can make more money because I need to be able to get more and more toys.
Speaker 1:Right and experience life just, and it's overindulgence almost. Overindulgence yeah, and the three. It's like we all need validation at some level, but if that's all you're looking for all the time and you can't function unless people are telling you how great you are, then it's too far. Yep, and again.
Speaker 2:this is where the gift of the Enneagram again, we all slip into and all of our numbers in average and unhealthy daily, you know, but just having some spaces where we can recognize and say, oh okay, I'm doing that and now I need to really move in that path in a healthy way. Right, yeah, okay. So for the threes and sevens, then too, the threes usually come across as more composed and control, because they really are protecting their image that they wanna project to others.
Speaker 2:but sevens, they don't care what others think of them, as long as they're having fun. Again, sevens take those verbal and physical risk a lot of times. And then also threes make you wanna be around them because that helps them to feel successful and, hopefully, to like them. Sevens want you to be around because it's just fun.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:There's more to have a party with.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:All right. And then the threes and the eights. So the eights, as we talked about the eights and the threes, both have an energy that matches each other. Both of them are energizer bunnies. Both are assertive, very efficient, very accomplished. But threes oftentimes may see themselves as being an eight, but yet the eights don't usually see themselves as a three, because eights, again, are about power. So they're leaders and wanna shape the world around their personal vision. They don't beat around the bush about who's in charge. They don't alter their behavior to please others. But threes have a different worldview. It's not on power, but it's more on prestige and admiration, and so that's quite different with the threes and the eights, and so a lot of times they'll alter their behavior in order to be pleasing to others or to gain favor with others. So eights also aren't afraid of failure, but threes, that can be a concern for them. They don't wanna experience a failure because it's gonna somehow dent their image of themselves. Eights kinda see it as well. I'll just come back stronger.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so again that key differentiation of how they see others. Like a three, they're gonna be concerned about people's opinion of them, eights aren't gonna be as concerned, that's where I was headed with that.
Speaker 1:You just said it Mm-hmm, okay, but those two, I see that 100%.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Like the connection there.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So I should have guessed that as one of the numbers. But I didn't. Yeah, you were going so fast I know.
Speaker 2:Our plates are spinning, Damon.
Speaker 1:They are.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, but hopefully that's helpful for these, for the ones twos and threes, just to have a space, if they're even if they're pretty confident in their number, just to set with some of these misidentifications or mistypes, just to either solidify your number or also to kind of set with okay, what are some things I need to notice? Right, yeah, Right.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna just fly through those really fast again so that I can say them out loud. So for the one, it's the three and the eight that you get mixed up with yes. For the two, it's the six and the eight yes. And for the three, it's the seven and the eight yes. Eight and all of those. What's wrong with the eight here? Eight just wanna be powerful. Stay out of everyone else's number eight Right, stay in your own yard. Yeah, no kidding, the eights are everywhere. Run for the hills.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or maybe the eights go and keep me out of the yard, like don't invite me to play, right.
Speaker 1:I can see eights. The powerful person is trying to take over all the other numbers.
Speaker 2:You know, and one thing I've been hearing lately of people saying I wish I wasn't eight, and that's just.
Speaker 1:I find that interesting because I find myself going.
Speaker 2:Oh, tame it down to myself, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I think that's true. I think because eights get notoriety, because they're the leaders and they're strong. They don't seem like they have as many weaknesses as the other numbers possibly, but when they do have a weakness it's usually way bigger than the other numbers.
Speaker 2:It is a blow up. It is a.
Speaker 1:So like pick your pain.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know. Yes, grow in your yard, grow where you're planted, right, exactly Okay well, thank you, kelly.
Speaker 1:So much, yes, and I think I need to wrap it up quick here. So I'm going to say thanks for joining us on Enneagram U and we will see you next time. Bye Kelly, bye Damon.
Speaker 2:Tell me what you do. Tell me what you do With all of your heart, with all of your side, with all of your heart.