Beyond Your Number
You’re not just a type — you’re a whole story. Beyond Your Number is a conversational Enneagram podcast where Damon & Kelly explore real-life growth through personality. From relationships to team dynamics, we help you go deeper than the label. New episodes every Wednesday. Formerly EnneagramU.
Beyond Your Number
An Enneagram Thanksgiving
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It's Kelly's birthday and Thanksgiving!
A lot to celebrate.
Today we share about why we are thankful for each number and throw out some challenges for each number.
We are grateful for you.
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Welcome to Enneagram U, damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. With your skeptic or an enthusiast, together, we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey, everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon, happy Thanksgiving and I'd like to say hello to my friend Kelly. Hi Kelly, hey Damon, I threw off my intro there a little bit.
Speaker 2You did Happy Thanksgiving in there, yes it's Thanksgiving. Can you believe it?
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2It comes around every year it does. But more importantly, it's also birthday week for me.
Speaker 1It is. Is it your birthday?
Speaker 2My birthday is the day after Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1Oh, whoops. Wait, folks. I'm in trouble now, so let's take a pause. No, I'm just kidding, that's right. Our team has so many birthdays in November.
Speaker 2Yes, out of the number of our team, I think four of us are in November and you're the end of October, so we've got them all clumped up there.
Speaker 1I ignore birthdays, though I've had enough of them to last me a lifetime.
Speaker 2But happy birthday, kelly. Yes, and because my birthday is usually the week of Thanksgiving, I just have a birthday week.
Speaker 1Right, oh right, and you have pumpkin pie for your cake. Yes, is that true? I?
Speaker 2love pumpkin pie.
Speaker 1Yeah, you're a fall girl.
Speaker 2I've probably been conditioned in me since as a child yeah, I have to share. I was upset about that as a kid. I did not like to have my birthday around Thanksgiving because it felt like I couldn't have my party because people were gone Right and the big thing in first grade was for your mom to bring cookies or donuts to school, and then you could go help the lunch lady by getting the little cartons of milk. Boy, that's fun, woohoo. Yeah, it was back then, back in the day, but it seemed like every year around my birthday school was out.
Speaker 1So anyway, but I love it now. Yeah, School was out, I love it now. It just got mixed in with Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1It's like Christmas when your birthday is around Christmas as well.
Speaker 2Yes, exactly, but I love it now because I just declare birthday week and celebrate the whole week. Yay, and you're thankful for your birthday. I am thankful, very thankful.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2I don't like getting older.
Speaker 1I'm thankful for your birthday too, but not mine.
Speaker 2Yes. Well we can just focus on my celebration, yeah.
Speaker 1Let's do that. You can get older. Yes, I shall go the other direction.
Speaker 2Yes, we'll get you older. We're fighting it.
Speaker 1Well, we have a lot of thankful things to talk about today. Yes, we do.
Speaker 2Gratitude is the feeling of the week. Okay, yeah, on birthday week. Birthday week, that's right, yes. Do you have any other feelings though that you want to share?
Speaker 1Oh, we have Forget about that. Look at that. I know I'm so grateful. Got to keep you accountable. I'm feeling grateful today. I think it's a very dreary day here outside of the studios so that was hard because it's cold and wet, but generally speaking, I'm thankful of all that we get to do.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1Yeah, so it's good. I'm not super sad because of the weather, even though I really hate it right now.
Speaker 2It is dreary, yeah, but we can be in the midst of the circumstances. We can be grateful.
Speaker 1We can try. We can try. I know that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 2Cool. What's your feeling? I am excited.
Speaker 1Well, of course it's your birthday.
Speaker 2Yes, birthday week is very exciting for me. So yeah, but just feel loved yeah. So yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1All right yeah.
Speaker 2So we are going to talk about gratitude today. Okay, gratitude in the enneagram.
Speaker 1I'm grateful.
Speaker 2You're really like what can not be connected to the enneagram, Everything's enneagram.
Speaker 1Well, it is the name of the podcast. Yeah, well, true.
Speaker 2Yeah, our listeners might be disappointed if they turn it on and we don't mention anything about it, although we could probably do 20 minutes, or however long we're going to do, of just you and I talking.
Speaker 1That's right, but then five minutes in already Lose listeners. Yeah, anyway.
Speaker 2So what we want to do, though, as we go through the different numbers, is to just let our friends that are the different numbers know what we're grateful for about them Okay, so many great things, all right and then also to give encouragement for the different numbers to be grateful.
Speaker 1All right.
Speaker 2So, because you know and these are probably stretches a little bit, but you know those things that we can really learn, that can be some of those challenges about ourselves, what keep us more in that average or unhealthy, and so to be able to have gratitude and move out of that place of average or unhealthy moves us into health.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2And let me see this about gratitude. So, for all the numbers, gratitude is powerful. So there was a study done years ago by positive psychology that took people that were severely depressed. They were in an inpatient facility for their depression, and so what they had them do for 21 days is every day, right down five things they were grateful for, and so they gave them a Beck depression inventory, which really gave a score of what their depression was before and then after. The only thing that they did different was these five gratitudes every day. And again, these are people that are in an inpatient facility and after 21 days all of them reported having less symptoms of depression just because they were grateful.
Speaker 2Just because they were acknowledging they were acknowledging yeah, on the lookout for gratitude. So psychology, god's word also tells us to be grateful. So there's, there's a real power in gratefulness.
Speaker 1We're going to say it's powerful, powerful Gratefulness is powerful.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1So we're going to say we're going to hit the numbers and we're going to say what we're grateful for about, yes, each number.
Speaker 2Mm, hmm.
Speaker 1We're going to give the number something to the number. You're just a number out there. Yes, then we're going to give the person, who's whatever number they are, something to lean into to help them be more grateful.
Speaker 2Yes, okay, and to just maybe connect gratitude with ways to really grow Okay For themselves.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, be more grateful so that they can grow.
Speaker 2Mm, hmm.
Speaker 1I'm writing it down, good, because I'll forget.
Speaker 2Well, and because you're all the numbers you've got a lot of work.
Speaker 1Yes, I'm ready, though.
Speaker 2Yes, OK, all right. We're going to start at the top with number let's do, let's start with one, so we are thankful for ones. Of course, they're the good person. Ones really keep us balanced.
Speaker 1They also have high standards for us. Thank you, juan, for making everything perfect.
Speaker 2Yes, or good and good is enough, but they are the ones that are organized.
Speaker 2They plan ahead for us Again, very self-disciplined and honest, there are advocates, and so for the ones, though, in just growing for them in gratitude, a little assignment I would ask for the ones to consider To be able to tell three different people who you care about, what they mean to you, so expressing your gratitude that you have for them. Now, the reason that this is important is, you know ones, that more challenging side for the one is that constant voice of the inner critic, and so that can be the inner critic of themselves or others, and so this helps a one just to pause, to look at people in their lives and to really look at what they're grateful for and to share that with them.
Speaker 1OK, yeah. So, we're going to ask ones out there. Fine, three people. Express some gratitude toward those three people to fight their own inner critic. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, right.
Speaker 1Sounds like a powerful plan.
Speaker 2It is.
Speaker 1Because being grateful is powerful.
Speaker 2It is OK. Today's slogan, our mantra All right. So, moving on to the twos, these are our helpers, the loving person. So we are so grateful for the twos. They bring us compassion and guidance, warmth, they serve us, they're very generous, they're nurturers in our lives. I mean, if we have a friend who is a two, they're just the best friend. So supportive. Yes, yeah, we love our twos, and so a growth area for the two that we would invite them to do is to write down three things about yourself that you're grateful for, because we know that for twos, they're going to be grateful for everyone else but not themselves, because they focus on just loving and serving others, and so they, a lot of times, don't actually see those attributes in themselves.
Speaker 1OK.
Speaker 2And so, after they write down three things that they feel grateful for about themselves, then to say those three things out loud.
Speaker 1Is that like a proclamation? What is it called Affirmation? Yes, I was going to say proclamation.
Speaker 2That's how I do it. It's an acclimate, oh yeah.
Speaker 1No Affirmation.
Speaker 2Affirmation.
Speaker 1Proclamation yes.
Speaker 2Well, and the reason that this is important to say it out loud, is that a lot of times if it's just in our head? But by saying it out loud it's coming out of your mouth back into your ears, which again is so important for, too, to be able to hear those things. Ok, Some of these may seem a little corny, but they're helpful.
Speaker 1No, no, no, no, it's really not corny. So we have this super loving person that's compassionate, and they're nurturers for everybody else. So, they are probably pretty grateful for their relationships and friends, and we're just saying hey, you also need to think about you. So write down three things about yourself to help your own gratitude toward who you are.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1Increase and say it out loud.
Speaker 2Exactly because that growth area for it too, is self-care. And so part of self-care is having those positive affirmation, proclamations, proclamations.
Speaker 1I want to see all the two is running around to be you proclaiming their gratefulness for themselves. I declare I'm grateful for myself OK that's good. Good luck, twos. We'll know, because you're going to be proclaiming. We'll see it.
Speaker 2Yes. Next is the threes. So threes are efficient and effective people. They are so helpful in motivating us, they teach us confidence and they're also teaching us optimism. They also help us get our goals met. So, as I've worked with teams around VU, the threes always get props for being the one that helps the team to move towards the goal. So they really do help us to meet our goals. They're energetic.
Speaker 1Thank, you threes. Thank you threes.
Speaker 2We appreciate threes. So for the growth area for the three is to allow yourself to do something that you really want to do Now, not for the sake of success or respect, not that you want anybody to know that you did it, but just for the enjoyment of the experience. So if there's something that you think, oh, this would be life-giving, like maybe taking a walk or getting a massage or reading a book, like whatever your thing might be, that would just be something that you'd like. Ok, I'd really like to do this. That's probably going to be the hard part for the three figuring out what they'd really like to do. That's not connected to work.
Speaker 1Right, and it can't have a goal connected to it.
Speaker 2Really, I mean, unless you want to kind of twist it a little bit to say the goal is affirming yourself or having gratitude for yourself, that's the goal. Yeah, now the challenge is going to be to. It's just for the enjoyment of the experience, but also I would like to challenge the threes not to tell anybody what they did.
Speaker 1Oh OK.
Speaker 2See the connection there?
Speaker 1Yeah, because they want to appear like they were successful, right, right. So this will be like yeah, I'm successful, but don't tell anybody. Yes, ok.
Speaker 2Yes, Well, that appreciation and taking care of yourself period versus taking care and appreciating yourself comma. So that, so that yeah.
Speaker 1Others will see yes.
Speaker 2Yes, so this will be one of those that is just affirming and doing something for yourself, period. That's hard to do. It is Because it's hard for anybody.
Speaker 1I mean just because you go accomplish something and the first thing we wanna do is share our joy or share our accomplishment, for whatever our motivation is good or bad and, as humans, we tend to like proclaim.
Speaker 2Yes, so we're asking the two to proclaim, but the threes don't proclaim.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's correct.
Speaker 2Yes, but yeah, I think this is gonna be helpful because it really connects the three just to themselves and not again that motivation they may not even recognize it but that motivation to get acceptance from others, that conditional kind of approval.
Speaker 1Yes, Okay, I like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay, all right. Next, the fours. These are our original creative people. Oh my gosh. Fours teach us how to dream, to be creative, to really feel our emotions deeply. I mean, there are friends that are authentic. They teach us how to be unique and actually sentimental, a bit sensitive too. It's because they have their unique way of looking out into the world, and so we so appreciate our fours. Thank you fours. Yes, I mean, can you imagine a world without fours?
Speaker 1It would be, yeah, it would be meh.
Speaker 2Yeah, yes, it would be meh, all right. So a growth step that I would invite fours to do, and just being grateful for themselves, is to make a list of what you have to offer. So just take a moment and just however you wanna do that creatively get your colored pencils or whatever you wanna do but then to narrow it down to just three items and then to do something creative with each of those that just symbolize where you're special.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, and that makes sense Because you've mentioned before that fours kinda get in their own head. We use the word longing a couple of weeks now three in a row and they're looking for. They sometimes feel like everyone else has what they're looking for. But really they have a lot to offer already, yes, and so you're saying, hey, we're thankful for you. This will be another way you can be thankful for what you have to offer.
Speaker 2And then being able to do something creative with those three things that they really feel like. Okay, this is what I bring to the world.
Gratitude for Enneagram Type Growth
Speaker 2And so then, how can I, in different ways, like you know, symbolize or create something that just remind me of what I bring to the world? Yeah, hanging on your wall? Yes, for sure. Look at it, Put it in a space that you can look at it daily, just as that reminder. Cool, yeah, that's cool, cool, cool, okay, all right. So the fives. Oh, my gosh, the fives. I'm thankful for fives.
Speaker 2I am too. Just imagine you know what they've brought into our world with just their information, their knowledge, their insights. But they also teach us to be calm and to think about things, to be perceptive, how to solve problems. They love to see how things fit together because they are our wise person. They also keep us curious and objective.
Speaker 1Well, the list goes on it does it, does they do it? So quietly they do.
Speaker 2They do. They just kind of set back and observe yeah, you know, as they're putting all the things in their mind and putting pieces together, then they come out with just options that we would have not ever considered. So so grateful for their insights. So, okay, here's their growth. Step for the five To make a list of the things in your life which is abundant and actually replenishes itself automatically so that it won't be depleted. So make a list of as many things that you could think of in your life, and it doesn't just have to be personally, it could be in the world around you. So you're seeing a long list.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, so, but those are the list of things that are abundant and that replenish naturally, like an example would be. So we have an abundance of oxygen, you know, and so it's not gonna run out, and so this is something that they can give great, you know, gratitude for that. Okay, yeah, this is something that I don't have to work on, that's gonna run out, because, you know, so often for the fives there is that space of just not having enough information, not having enough of what's needed. I think scarcity mindset could be something that can sneak up on a five. They may not feel it, but a lot of times that's what pursue. You know, what causes them to pursue more and more information. So, yeah, just thinking through, like, okay, what in my life and in my world is there just something that there's an abundance of or that's not gonna run out? That's not gonna run out, and being able just to have gratitude for those things.
Speaker 1Yeah, all right, thankful for things. They don't have to keep researching and researching and looking for and all just like almost for. I don't know, it's already discovered, it's already sold. It's already in process, and yeah, and then now guess what? You can just be thankful for that.
Speaker 2And you don't have to worry about it.
Speaker 1And you don't have to Google it.
Speaker 2Yes, and there doesn't have to be that that struggle that the fives have of greed you know, of just wanting more and more information, it actually moves into that healthy place where they know that they're okay you know, that enough is enough.
Speaker 1That might be hard for fives, just the assignment, because it will almost be like come on, kelly. All right, I'll put down my list of I'm thankful for the air, I'm thankful for water, I'm thankful. But, if you give yourself a break and give the assignment a little bit of a break, there's probably some beauty in it.
Speaker 2Well, and I think that's a great point, because I think for each of the numbers, because these are stretching us, it would be easy to just poo poo them or go. Oh.
Speaker 1I would dismiss it immediately. Yes, I'm going to keep you accountable. I'm going to keep you accountable.
Speaker 2Yes, we're going to, I'm going to see your list. Yeah, but you know, the thing that we also want to remember, too, is that the very thing that we need to grow, we tend to resist, and so if we can just embrace it, it becomes a gift.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2So imagine yourself on the other side of the assignment. Yeah, and just try it.
Speaker 1What do you have to lose? Well, there's that. Yes, you're just pulling this counselor stuff on us right now. I don't think it's fair Putting my counselor hat on. Yes, that's good.
Speaker 2All right. So that's the five. Moving to the sixes. The sixes are loyal person, they are faithful. Oh my gosh, our six friends. They are so reliable, they are prepared. They are so dependable too. Like we asked them to do something, we don't even have to circle back around. They're just so dependable. They're also very thoughtful, just hardworking. I may have said that already, but no, it's good.
Speaker 2And I think the sixes, as we think about them, they're our loyal friends, that we've just had their, our friends through thick and thin, and so they are so, so amazing.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Okay. So their growth step and how to be grateful for themselves is to consider a time that you have shown courage and to be grateful for that space, because for sixes, they tend to dismiss their own courage and they focus on other people or institutions or systems that keep them strong, you know. But to be able to look back, maybe over the last few months or even the last year, and go, okay, where were some spaces that I was courageous? And again, it doesn't have to be, you know, something that's like on a scale of zero to a hundred, a hundred percent courageous, but like, okay, where did I have that difficult conversation? Or where did I set that boundary? Or, you know, where did I let go of some of my fears?
Speaker 1Yeah, that's really good. And yeah, sixes, because they are prepared people sometimes that can lean too far. And now, we're just scared.
Speaker 2We're not prepared, we're scared.
Speaker 1Yes, and let's write that one down, I mean trademark, that one. So yeah, exactly, and yeah. So consider a few times where you haven't let fear run your decision, or even if you were afraid, you went ahead and you were courageous because you can't be courageous unless you're facing a fear anyway. So where are you faced fear?
Speaker 2Yes, it's a great way of looking at it. Like you know, where did I choose something other than fear?
Speaker 1Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 2Yeah, because I think for the sixes that is going to have happened more than what they might have realized, because fear does creep in so quickly and kind of negates those times that they were courageous or that they stepped out, even in fear.
Speaker 1Right, and I would like to yell back at our fives and just say you can quit making your list now. I know you're still going and you're still researching those things that are abundant and you're probably at number 25.
Speaker 2That's enough, Okay now we can go to seven. Should we set a boundary with that and say don't Google the abundant things in the world?
Speaker 1I don't know why I came back out of my mind. I'm like we've moved on to six, but I think five's still making their list.
Speaker 2You're probably right, yeah, yeah, all right. So moving to the seven. So sevens, of course. They just bring our world such joy. They take us on adventures and they're spontaneous, they're enthusiastic, they make every setting fun, they're very playful, they tell stories, they're great friends to have. Of course, I love, love, love sevens, since my husband and son are sevens. I just think about gosh. How dull the world, my world, would be if I took them.
Speaker 1I bet there is never a dull moment in your house.
Speaker 2There is so much joy Household. Yeah, yeah, so much joy. Thank you sevens.
Speaker 1Oh, and thank you sixes and thank you fives. I don't know if I said that Okay.
Speaker 2Five is still going All right. So the growth area for the seven is to think about one thing, just one thing in your life that you care deeply about, and that is self-sustaining. So this could be being grateful for one area in your life that you just feel like is just something that you're doing, that just creates this rhythm. That's self-sustaining and the reason that this is so important for the sevens. Like if we had asked them to make a list of whatever, There'd be a lot of activities.
Speaker 1There's a lot of activities.
Speaker 2But, like, just narrow it down to one thing and maybe you brainstorm first and then you just pick one thing in your life that you care deeply about that is self-sustaining, okay. So it could be like a rhythm of like I think about for my husband, for example, like he has just some rhythms in his life that I know bring him so much joy, like every Monday night he's on a bowling league with friends, okay, and so that may be one for him, like that's just self-sustaining. It's just on the calendar and it's going to happen every week, so it could be anything. Yeah, those rhythms, boundaries, all right. Moving to the eight we're doing good, okay, we're doing good with our time, okay. So eights, this feels weird to say thank you eights.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's because you're talking to yourself.
Speaker 2But for the eights in my life that I also know, eights bring boldness and strength and determination. Of course there are protectors. They're strong. They step out a lot of times, even in fear, to accomplish things. They get results done. They're very decisive. So we appreciate that about them. They have a confidence. They're also resourceful and so the growth step for eights, with gratitude is to. This is hard to say this.
Speaker 1Because you got to do it.
Speaker 2I'm like.
Speaker 1I'll build this All right.
Speaker 2Here we go To feel your vulnerability and experience gratitude for just those places that you're vulnerable, and then to have gentleness with yourself when you feel this so I can already tell you. Just as I was preparing for this, I was like, okay, so the area that I noticed, like one area that I tend to feel vulnerable, is my health and so being able, because I think, as the eight, like if my health, like if something's going to stop me from doing, something it's me I'm stopping myself my health, but just to experience gratitude for just the health that I do have, the health that my body has carried me through all the way to this point, and also, again, talking about my birthday, the vulnerability that I'm getting older, are you?
Speaker 1I'm not, but you might be In reality, folks in me. Surprise you, even counselors have trouble being vulnerable.
Speaker 2It can happen, right? I mean, as human, we are vulnerable and even being able to say that we have limited resources because, we're limited beings.
Speaker 1Yeah, so an eight who is so driven and so going. It goes so hard all the time. It may be hard to stop and do that To stop and say oh, I am shaky here, I don't feel very well for whatever reason, or I am aging in that and kind of sitting out a bit and have grace for yourself.
Speaker 2That's just the process, because I think a lot of times, if eights don't take that step towards growth and doing an exercise like this, we just push ourselves harder, because, again, that's where that lust for more power comes in. I don't want to feel vulnerable, so I'm just going to act like I'm 18. I'm going to push my body past a point that it needs to be.
Speaker 1And then boom.
Speaker 2Yeah, and then, your body says Uh, no.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2Yeah, good job. Yes, all right, we're done.
Speaker 1Uh, thanks for joining us here on the Enneagram and you guys can all just tune out.
Speaker 2But wait there's one more. Okay, the nines, oh my goodness. Nines and Damon, I say this to you you cannot say the word peaceful. No, I won't.
Speaker 1No, go ahead, it's fine.
Speaker 2Actually, you are the calm to our storms.
Speaker 1Yeah, am I. Yeah, you just keep things just balanced.
Speaker 2You also help us learn patience. You trust us and you accept us as you, as we are. And nines, just stay positive. There are those people that we can go to like when we're having a challenge and they can listen because they're such supportive friends.
Speaker 1They're very open-minded and easygoing, so yeah, 50% of that, is true, all right. The other, just that will be your growth area. Yeah, all right. Well, we're about to go there.
Speaker 2All right. So, last but not least, the assignment for the nines. I have to do is uh now this is getting a little bit creative.
Speaker 1Okay, okay.
Speaker 2So nines are to write an advertisement for yourself, holy cow.
Speaker 1That's a lot of work. Everyone else is making a list. I have to do an entire advertisement.
Speaker 2Yes, and this advertisement is where you promote yourself for who you are, your accomplishments and your capabilities.
Speaker 1All right, this is impossible. All right, I know it feels like a growth area.
Speaker 2Yeah, because it is. Because nines are so self forgetting and nines really minimize all the ways that you bring just yourself into the world and all the things that you do and so being able just to promote yourself.
Speaker 1Now again.
Speaker 2no one has to see it, Unless you want to put it out on our story.
Speaker 1I'll put it out there. I'm going to start with my name and I'm going to say here's what I've done in this life. You totally should, that would be the most uncomfortable thing I can think of.
Speaker 2Well, exactly that's where it's a growth step. But see, this is you know, for for nines, this actually you know, as we've talked about the arrows and with all the numbers, we could talk about the arrows for this growth, step with growth, step with gratitude. But this, is you really moving into that three space?
Speaker 1Okay, I have to do it. Advertising yes, all right, I'm going to do what's going on social this week?
Speaker 2No, it's not. No, please let it.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh boy. Well, stay tuned, you never know. Oh well, that's good stuff.
Speaker 2Yes. So just a way that we want to say, like you said, we appreciate all the numbers and then, for all the numbers in our own space of growth, you know, maybe take this assignment this week and, you know, have gratitude for yourself. Well.
Speaker 1Kelly. Happy Thanksgiving, Happy birthday week.
Speaker 2I'm thankful for you.
Speaker 1I am thankful for you, my friend, and I'm thankful for any gram you and all of our listeners. So we will see you next week. Have a great week. Bye Kelly, Bye Damon.
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