EnneagramU
Unlock your true you! Dive into the Enneagram with Damon & Kelly. Personalities, relationships, work - it's all here, every Wednesday. #EnneagramU #WorkplaceDynamics #EmotionalHealth
EnneagramU
THE NINE
With a fond farewell to our beloved team member, Katie Choi, a shining example of a two, we delve into the complexities of personality traits and how to pinpoint your Enneagram number.
Ever wondered why peace-loving nines seem to have a unique way of seeing the world? We'll unlock the challenges and struggles experienced by this Enneagram type, offering insights into their world.
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There was an illustration that was given about the different numbers if they came to the river and what the different numbers would do at the river. So for example.
Speaker 2:I'll tell the story. This is going to be good.
Speaker 1:So you know, for the nine it would be getting in the river and just letting the river take it wherever it wants to go.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it would be like maybe the lazy river.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Enneagram U, Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. Whether you're a skeptic or an enthusiast, together we'll take you on a journey of self-discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hello everyone, and welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi Kelly, hey, Damon, Kelly, it's a big week for me. It really is. It's momentous week.
Speaker 1:I have been just counting the minutes until we were together today to talk about you Me.
Speaker 2:Well, let's start with feelings. Yes, let's start with how I'm feeling today.
Speaker 1:How are you feeling?
Speaker 2:I have a temporary feeling, okay.
Speaker 1:Maybe fleeting. Can I have a temporary feeling? You sure can. Yeah, no problem.
Speaker 2:I've had, I think you said 399 feelings already today. So, yeah, I have a temporary feeling. Feeling is settled.
Speaker 1:Settled.
Speaker 2:okay, I don't even know where that is on the chart, but I like the word.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe under happy or content.
Speaker 2:Content yep.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm feeling settled because today I am going to be a 9. Okay, I'm going to go ahead and say that's probably my number, if there are numbers that actually mean things like we've been talking about for 44 episodes. But yeah. I am thrilled. Yeah, so it's a good day.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Feeling settled with the number 9.
Speaker 1:You're finding yourself. I think so You're knowing yourself.
Speaker 2:I didn't know I was lost, but okay. Yes, well, like you said, it's temporary, so we'll see, it could be it could change in the next five minutes as we talk about the number 9. Well, but last week was fun talking about the number 8 with you yeah. And I thought that was really good. How are you feeling today, number 8?
Speaker 1:Well, you're feeling settled? I have to share. I feel sad. Oh, I know Well Katie Choi, who was on our team at VU, faith and Community. She is leaving VU. She's having a baby. This is her second, second little girl, but she's stepping away from VU and today's her last day. It is so before I headed over here, I had to say goodbye to my dear friend. She's just been so incredible to work with.
Speaker 2:Well, she is part of the glue that holds our team together. She is, and, katie, there's still time, yes, there's still time to turn around. I know you're in the car, right now driving home, but you can turn around, it's possible, change is possible.
Speaker 1:Yes, but she is a beautiful representation of a two Just the loving, caring person, helper. She has an empathy that I have seen in very few people. She just knows what's needed and steps in and she's the reason I know I'm not a two.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because she's so good at it.
Speaker 1:She is amazing. I'm not even close to that, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to miss Katie.
Speaker 1:Katie, we're going to miss you a lot.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for everything you gave to our team and for keeping our fearless leader in line for so many years.
Speaker 1:It was a difficult job, I know, and it'll be, you know, big shoes that we'll all have to step in. It'll take, you know, six of us to fill her Right Fill her shoes.
Speaker 2:I told her she could not be replaced. No yeah, she can't Impossible.
Speaker 1:Anyway. So just yeah, feeling sad. I'm so happy and excited for her. This is so joyful and I'm glad she gets to be stay at home mom, but Selfishly I'm feeling really sad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it was hard decision for her.
Speaker 1:Yes, definitely so, yeah. So I just found myself this week just feeling that like ugh, kind of in the back of my mind like, oh, thursday's coming and it's here.
Speaker 2:Thanks for bringing me down, kelly. I'm sorry Damon. No, no, you still feel like a nine. No, I don't even know now.
Speaker 1:No, we need to take a temporary pause?
Speaker 2:Yes, well, yeah, I still feel like a nine today. I did a lot of research on the number nine this morning, like for two hours.
Speaker 1:You went down the nine rabbit hole. I did. What did you find out about yourself?
Speaker 2:Well, here's some. There's several things I found out about myself. The first thing I decided to do was take a couple more tests because they're fast. So I've taken like four.
Speaker 1:They might not take 10 more.
Speaker 2:I've taken more tests than anyone else on the Enneagram, because if you're gonna break something, you gotta know what it's about to break it. That's right, and I would get the nine's always in there. It's always in there, and I would say eight's always in there, nine's always in there, one's always in there.
Speaker 1:So I'm there and then three, and then three is in there for me.
Speaker 2:So those are the high ones. So I know what I'm not. I am not a seven, I'm not a two, I'm not a five, I'm not a six, I'm not a four. So if you're struggling with your number, maybe do process of elimination. Yes, so, yeah, so I got a feeling that I'm probably a nine wing eight or a nine wing one, and maybe evenly. So, I don't think one's really stronger than the other. And we've kind of briefly talked about wings, but not a lot.
Speaker 2:Right and next week we'll spend our whole episode talking about wings, so that'll be great.
Speaker 1:But yes, sometimes there's a dominant wing and sometimes there is a blending of both of those.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I really dig the nine wing eight. It is the favorite number of mine for several reasons, but one main reason, and that is it just makes a great character on television, and the reason it does is because he's a peaceful guy. He's on his horse traveling along, oh, like there's an old movie called the Outlaw Josie Wales, which is one of my very favorite movies. Okay, and yeah, he's just living his life with his family and a bunch of people come and burn his house down. So yeah, it's terrible and they do terrible things to his family.
Speaker 2:Anyway, oh my gosh and you love it because I love it because he gets revenge man.
Speaker 1:And you can so identify as that nine wing eight.
Speaker 2:Yes, no, I can't at all, but that's what I love.
Speaker 1:Mosey, and along is that nine just keeping to himself.
Speaker 2:Well, really he's the peaceful guy trying to be nice, and then something interrupts that piece. And his only way to fight back is to be extremely angry, and that probably is true about a nine wing eight. Yes, for sure, because to get a nine angry, it usually takes a pretty catastrophic thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But if you do, you're going to regret it. I'm going to regret it.
Speaker 1:Anyway, that's cool. Have you ever seen Damon with just fire in his eyes. Look out, somebody crossed me.
Speaker 2:No, that's never happened actually. So because I am not Clint Eastwood, but that is a favorite character type of mine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can identify with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know, I just always thought it was a cool character.
Speaker 1:I don't know it's me or anything like that yeah so that's that that's all I know about the nine.
Speaker 2:What do you know about the nine? I'll tell you if you're right or wrong.
Speaker 1:Yes, so a nine would be a peaceful person. Like you said, they are motivated by keeping peace, and so that is peace inside, inner, personally, and then also with others, and so being able to, as much as possible, eliminate conflict in their lives internal conflict, external conflict. And so you know, the challenge for the nine, then, is, I think, two avenues to keep peace. So there's the healthy side of keeping peace, which is the peace maker, so this is where you have to work through conflict to actually get to peace. Or then there's the unhealthy side, which is the peace keeper. So let's not rock the boat, let's just keep things peaceful. I'll surrender my thoughts, feelings, perspective at the expense of keeping peace, no matter what.
Speaker 2:Yep, and it's easy to slide that direction.
Speaker 1:Definitely, I'd say for a nine, and correct me, you know, since you are the nine expert you know that it's probably having to keep a watch of that all the time, Like am I actually making peace or am I keeping peace?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because if you don't want that in your life, then yeah, it's very easy just to say take the easy way. Yes, you know, and that's another thing about nines that we have to watch is that we just like the easy way. Right and so conflict is not easy. And it's like well, that's, it's not even that I can't do conflict. It's that it's difficult.
Speaker 1:Right. Well, and you know, really it's easier to be more passive. There was an illustration that was given about the different numbers if they came to the river and what the different numbers would do at the river.
Speaker 2:So for example oh, tell the story, this is going to be good.
Speaker 1:So you know, for the nine it would be getting in the river and just letting the river take it wherever it wants to go.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it would be like maybe the lazy river, but how, yes, you know. And so thinking about just how nines approach life then, of just what is the way that I can take that just allows the situation or the other person to just like take me downstream, that seems easier until it's not you know, until you feel like you've surrendered yourself, and then that creates an internal conflict inside.
Speaker 2:That is something that nines have to watch out for. A watered down life is how I heard it put today in like in-depth research. And that is something I don't think I've had at all. To be honest, I'm definitely not at a watered down life, but I could see how you could get there.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And how that would be easy. Because it's easy just to let other people's preferences or I just pick up. You know how, yeah, how they, how they act. I picked up their causes. Yes, that I can see how then you wouldn't have your own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because nines are the glue to a lot of relationships and teams, because nines really value harmony and unity and so being able also, like a five, to be able to come in and see all different sides of an issue and so nines have to watch then, like you said, and being so much a chameleon, you know of like being able to lean towards what you know, maybe it takes to be the glue of a team, but then if they're losing themselves just in order to blend, in Right and that takes intention.
Speaker 2:Yes, so for every other number it maybe just comes naturally to have your own opinion, know where you stand on something. But for a nine you might, you might know where you stand on something, but you get swayed. Yes, you can get swayed easily if you're not intentional about your thinking and what you're saying.
Speaker 1:All of this, Well, and a great boundary for a nine is taking all the information in and then giving yourself time to really set with okay, what is it that I think about this? Because you may go into a meeting or a situation just really sure on where you stand, but again, because they're able to see all different sides of the issue, which makes them great in, you know, being a diplomat or mediators. Mediators for sure, and then you can get all that.
Speaker 2:But then politicians, yes, politicians, that's not that doesn't sound good, damon.
Speaker 1:for what would the fill in the blank?
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's not. But I have answered questions before for people and someone would say well, that answer is pretty political Meaning. It just didn't give you, really didn't give you an answer.
Speaker 1:It was just a very peaceful like all inclusive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let me just tell you what you want to hear and what the other person wants to hear and let's move on, because this is too exhausting, so let's do the easy thing.
Speaker 1:Why?
Speaker 2:can't we all just get along?
Speaker 1:Well, and that would be the question that nines really would love a world where we could get along, you know, because nines see the conflict in the world, not just in their world but in the world around them, and that's exhausting to them. So how do we create peace in the midst of a world where there is so much divisiveness, especially, you know, in our country, and in families and churches, you name it? I mean, conflict is just a part of the experience, so that's very life taking for a nine.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, let's talk about the animal. For a nine it's one of my favorites. Go ahead, go ahead and say it.
Speaker 1:So the animal for the nine is a sloth. Yes, they're cute, they are cute.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right, slow yeah, lethargic.
Speaker 1:Yes, very mellow, we can say, but the reason that the animal is the sloth is nines. Do struggle with that besetting issue of slothfulness. Now, it doesn't mean that nines are lazy because nines are not lazy, although they really do help us to take a day off and to appreciate taking things slower, but the issue for nines that they really have to watch is inertia. So, if they don't have something to get them started in the day, those are the days that they may not get a whole lot done. Yeah, yeah I agree.
Speaker 2:As a nine, what's easy is to take a time out and then that time out just continues on. So, like you're a nine if you can watch a lot of television.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know and you realize. Oh, a couple of hours went by. I didn't really do anything. I just watched, I binged on this show, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So it again. It takes intentional, you know, thinking to kind of push back against that. I've heard that like the vice or whatever is the sloth, but the virtue for a nine is action.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And, like you said, it doesn't mean that a nine is lazy, it just means that initial inertia getting going, but once I'm going, then I can't sometimes I can't stop.
Speaker 1:Right, that's where there has to be those boundaries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, nine's, you know some good self-care practices. Is you know, looking at what are some strategies to get you up and going in the morning, you know? And so for many, having a schedule where they need to be at work at a certain time is really life-giving. But then also, nines really do help us to have a blending in the day. So I encourage nines to have this rhythm of work and rest and then work and rest. And again, it doesn't mean that you have to take off, but like okay, after I'm doing this work in this project, let me take like a 10 minute walk outside and then I'm going to come back and do more work. If nines have a hard time with inertia, what I encourage them is do something active first and then rest, because, like you said, if you start resting, that rest is just going to continue, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:That's right. You mentioned earlier that there's, you know, just conflict in the world, and I think one of the things I found helpful is that to find peace and to, at the same time, have some action is to go outside.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And I think that is something I. I experienced that, but I've also read that that's helpful for nines and nature and a lot of it. And I found recently that I've I have gotten into this routine now that I can't stop where I'm getting up really early and I'm exercising and I'm walking.
Speaker 2:And so I go outside and that brings peace to me just because I can see, ah, when I'm kind of away from all the conflict and just out of nature, then I just kind of kind of chill in the peace of that and then I can get on with my day. And it's been really helpful.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that because it's like you're filling up that tank, you know, for you, just by taking that time to be away, to be alone, to be out in nature, to be able to see I know, as you get up early get to see the sunrise, get to hear, like all the different sensory things that nature brings, that I think really does engage that right side of our brain. That is more of that sensory which I think actually does really bring that peace, you know, because so often we want it to be the external but really it's whatever ways that we can find that peace within.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I have a friend that's a nine and he for years and years, and years has been a runner and he run, I mean, but not like when I'm doing like I'm walking maybe 45 minutes to an hour. He's running for hours. You know more of a marathon person and I can see how I can see, now that I'm doing that a little bit, how that can almost be addictive for a nine because you're in a good way and you know it's a pretty good, you know vice to have.
Speaker 2:I guess is that you're exercising but you're still receiving that piece back. And I'm not saying every nine has to go out and run or walk or whatever, but being outside there's something to it.
Speaker 1:Well, and even being able to do like a slow and steady nature walk you know of, like, what are some things that I'm seeing as I'm walking, what are some things that I'm hearing, what's some smells that I'm noticing, again, just how God has designed our body to really take in those sensory things and how life-giving it is, you know, for us. So you know, and the other thing I would say too, with the nine that we've explored through all these different podcasts, as we looked at the number specifically, because you've just really exemplified a part of each number. You know, as you've been confused about what your numbers are, but I do want to say settled, sad and settled today.
Speaker 1:Yes, that nines do take on all the attributes of the other numbers, like you said. Probably there's more that are highlighted than others, because I know you said well, I don't feel like I'm a two or a four or a five or a seven, I can go there. Yeah, and I definitely have.
Speaker 1:And nines can go to those other numbers, but they go to those other numbers as a form of gaining peace in their life and so really it's like whatever's needed. I can you know if I need to slip into the three for peace, I can do that. If I need to slip into the six, like whatever is needed for the situation, which again is what I think really helps them to be the glue and just so helpful for the teams that they're on, relationships that they're in.
Speaker 2:So you take those on Right and that is on the negative side is sometimes you don't know who you are Right. That would be the negative side is like who am I? I know I can do all of these things, or be all of these people, so to speak, but then who am I really? And so again I go back to that word of you know being intentional about thinking about who you really are. The positive side is you can do a lot of different things.
Speaker 2:Yes, for sure you know at jack of all trades, master of none so to speak, but there is some power in that, because then you can be helpful across a broad range of whatever it is, that's right Work or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean nines really are able to do so many different careers, so many different ways of connecting with others, great in relationship. You know, as we've said, with all the numbers, they are gifts, you know, and for nines I think, just really bringing that sense of peace and harmony and connection is really, really helpful. And, like you said, you know, even though the easier route may seem to be more passive, you know, of surrendering your thoughts, your feelings, what you do really for a nine to have that healthy space of being assertive that says that my thoughts and feelings are just as important as yours, and nines having to really take some space to figure out what are my thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that. A couple of other things that I learned today I'll go through them really quickly that people said you know online, that I looked up and you know everything on the internet is real. So I looked up a few things and I asked myself that they said, well, here's what a nine is like. And I said yes or no, if that's me, okay. And so here we go. So one of the things I said that was in a nine's brain is the fear of losing connection. Okay, and I was kind of like I don't have that. I don't know, maybe that's, maybe I do. That might be a deeper counseling session we don't have time for, but that was, that was one of the things. So you might be a nine if you have a fear of losing connection. For me, I didn't really feel that.
Speaker 1:And I wonder for that one too, if it's losing connection means that there's some conflict, like someone could be upset with me, or or?
Speaker 2:they were kind of. They were kind of going about to childhood things and talking about how there might have been something traumatic that you lost when you were young as a child that. I don't know, yeah, and I was like, okay, whatever, I didn't blow it off, but I was like, I just didn't connect with that. But there may be some things again. That's deeper counseling. Session Number two was they like things simple?
Speaker 1:like simple things.
Speaker 2:That is a yes for me.
Speaker 1:Okay 100%.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I Don't think I could be lying to myself here, so give me some grace, but I just don't need that much.
Speaker 1:I don't yeah, too much is too much conflict or too much to manage. Keep it simple, keep it yeah, I think simplicity and peacefulness go hand in hand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I do like things and nice things, but I'm also pretty content and I don't know that. Everyone can say that.
Speaker 1:And so anyway. So for you, where do you see simplicity?
Speaker 2:Just in the things like so, for example, maybe how I dress or the car I drive or what I do for activities can be as simple as taking a walk or watching a television show. I don't have to go waterskiing or snow skiing or jump out of an airplane or anything like that. I don't necessarily need that adrenaline.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that you can find joy just in the simple pleasures like taking your walk. Yeah, I don't know why, but that's it.
Speaker 2:And I just find I have contentment in a lot of that stuff that's not complicated. Yeah, complicated. Maybe it's just cause complicated is hard, Well, and complicated is conflict in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1:You know that internal turmoil of like ugh you know this is having to, you know, even taking a trip you don't think about, like all the stressors of ugh we gotta get to the airport and we gotta do this, we gotta do this. I think sometimes for a nine it's just like what would be the most peaceful.
Speaker 2:Why don't we just stay home? Yes, yeah, I work really hard to have this house, let's just stay here. Nine's just came up with the staycations yeah, I think we did, let's see. Another thing would have been routine and I say yes to that sometimes, Definitely. Like I said, when I start something, get going. It's hard to stop that. And I don't like to stop that, because I know when I stop then it's hard to start again.
Speaker 1:Well, and with the eights and the ones as your wings, the all or none is really prevalent with eight and one, so probably that sense of like hey, once I'm on this path, I wanna keep going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, another thing we talked about already nature yes. I mentioned watered down life, I said no and I think that's because of the varied life that you can have as a nine, like we mentioned.
Speaker 2:Because, you're one, something like each number, maybe your career jumps around a little bit you can have a really cool life as a nine For sure. So don't think that, even if you don't know exactly who you are all the time that you can't experience life, that's right In multiple ways. This one's good passive aggressiveness 100%. Yes, yes, that's funny. You're very honest, Damon. I'm working on that. Really Should we?
Speaker 1:ask what was the last thing you were passive against? I don't remember.
Speaker 2:I really. It is something I have worked on. It isn't even an evil thing, but like if you're not good at fighting if you're not good at arguing or you don't like conflict, then it's just easier to pull the rug out when somebody isn't looking, and that's awful, and so nines have to watch that, and I'm sure I've done that, so that's funny. I was like why did I write yes in capital?
Speaker 1:letters on there, on this piece of paper, all those exclamation marks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Sometimes you lose your voice you get a lost voice. You don't think that your voice matters really, or you'll just let it's easier to just let other people take the stage and talk, and all that and I say sometimes to that one.
Speaker 2:And avoiding conflict is the other thing, and I say yes, some for sure on that. I think everyone likes to avoid that, but nines in particular. And then another thing, and the last thing I really have is that we haven't talked about the arrows very much, but from some things I've read and seen, the nine have arrows to the three and the six. That's right. I feel like when I'm healthiest I'm pointing to the three. So, I'm moving like threes are less people they're doing they have action and when I'm unhealthy.
Speaker 2:I'm moving toward the six.
Speaker 1:So I'm a little bit more fearful a little bit more negative and that's the unhealthy side of the six, not the positive side of the six so Well, and really that's great self-awareness because we can look at both the arrows and see some of the positives and the negatives of both. But I think just that self-awareness of where you see you fall into that healthy space for you in that three of moving into action and being able to have your list and getting things done and then also really seeing that fear side coming in from the six too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so for really for not believing any of this at all, I've learned a lot.
Speaker 1:I am just so thrilled Is sarcasm part of it?
Speaker 2:The nine oh no, I thought you were being serious oh. Anyway. So, yeah, that it was pretty fun. Yeah, I don't know if that's the number, but I'm settled Very good. Yes, All right. Well, thanks for joining us on this most sad and settled day, katie. We're gonna miss you a lot. Yes, katie, we love you. Thanks for joining us everybody. Bye, kelly, bye.
Speaker 1:Damon 由.