Beyond Your Number
You’re not just a type — you’re a whole story. Beyond Your Number is a conversational Enneagram podcast where Damon & Kelly explore real-life growth through personality. From relationships to team dynamics, we help you go deeper than the label. New episodes every Wednesday. Formerly EnneagramU.
Beyond Your Number
An Enneagram Guide to Valentine's Day
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Confused about how your personality plays into Valentine's Day? Don't sweat it! "Enneagram U" is here to crack the code for a Valentine's Day as unique as you are.
Forget the cheesy cliches, we're talking about the real deal: butterflies, chocolate highs, and all the emotional fireworks that make this holiday special. Plus, with Super Bowl weekend heating things up, it's the perfect time to explore how your Enneagram type influences your approach to love's biggest bash.
This ain't no cookie-cutter love fest, babe. This episode is your guide to crafting a Valentine's Day that reflects your one-of-a-kind personality. By understanding each other's needs and ditching the drama, you can create a celebration as unique as your connection. Ready to level up your love life? Let's go!
#valentinesday #loveislove #enneagramlove #uniquevalentine #loveyourself #loveyourpartner #beyourself #ditchthedrama #celebratelove
#enneagramu
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Valentine's Day and Enneagram Celebration
Speaker 1Kelly, I think you saved Valentine's Day for the whole not just the fives. That was really good for the fives.
Speaker 2Well, again, just as we think about the different lenses of the Enneagram applied to different things and Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that there are some that just really want the over top, over the top and there's some that are just like low key, and neither is right or wrong. We just have to know. Welcome to Enneagram U.
Speaker 1Damon and Kelly, where we explore the mysteries of human personality and help you learn more about you. Whether you're a skeptic or an enthusiast, together we'll take you on a journey of self discovery using the ancient wisdom of the Enneagram. This is Enneagram U. Hey everyone, welcome to Enneagram U. My name is Damon. I'm here with my friend Kelly. Hi, kelly. Hey, damon Kelly, today I was trying to get you to know me better. Hey, damon Kelly, today I was trying to figure out how I feel.
Speaker 1It was a big weekend, there was a big game and, man, it was an exciting game, and I ate all kinds of food that I don't typically eat, and I am just high on life and high on sugar. High on sugar and so much so that I cannot put my finger on my feelings. Ok, and so I asked a bot. Ok, I'm like, was it helpful? Because we have AI? I'm like this is it? I just asked the AI how I'm feeling. I'll just put in some like here's what I ate, here's what I experienced, what do you think I'm feeling? And it told me things like I see, you want me to generate an emotion for you. That's what it said. Ok, and then it said well, emotions are complex and subjective phenomena that humans experience in response to various stimuli.
Speaker 2So we have found the challenge for the AI bots they cannot tell you what you're feeling, right?
Speaker 1But I think after a while I have decided that I'm just feeling jittery as heck Sugar high Yep yeah. Well, and your team won. My team did win. It did. It didn't look like my team would win. My team really shouldn't have won. Probably the other team mostly lost.
Speaker 2Yeah, there were some. I mean, both teams had those challenges yeah.
Speaker 1I know that you're not a fan of the winning team, but you're not a hater, really no but you are a raider, I know.
Speaker 2Well, and I have said I think I've said this, to you. Before that I try to convince my family to at least be happy for Chiefs fans, because everyone we know and love, love the Chiefs. And then my family says I'm a traitor.
Speaker 1Oh well, I'm sorry about that, yes, but I'm so happy that they won. I do think they're at the point now where they will start getting more haters because they're winning, they won. They didn't have a good season. And this is not a sports podcast, but they didn't have a great season and they still won the Super Bowl.
Speaker 2So it's like it happens.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think people are kind of like oh no, we don't want another Patriots.
Speaker 2I know people jump on the bandwagon and get excited, but then, like you said, if it becomes, as they're calling it, a dynasty, people aren't fans of a dynasty. Yeah, we'll see about that. Yeah, we'll see about that next year honestly. But, like you said, it is a time for celebration and eating a lot of good food.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I did.
Speaker 2A person that was at our Super Bowl party said that she had read that there are more calories consumed at Super Bowl parties than on Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1I can believe that, and in my household it was a lot of nervous eating. Yes, you know, just give me something.
Speaker 2Well, and it's the junk kind of food you know, or appetizers or alcohol or whatever.
Speaker 1Right, it's not like you're sitting down having turkey and anything, at least carrots or something.
Speaker 2Yeah, similar to health, right, it's all the fatty foods and desserts.
Speaker 1How are you feeling you had the same type of weekend. Yes, you probably watched the game, yeah it was a good game.
Speaker 2I love football. So I kind of grieve after the end of football season because I'm like, oh, this is just a nice rhythm of having games on Sundays to watch and hanging out and relaxing. So there's some sadness, but it was a fun game. I also enjoyed the halftime show. Yeah, it was good and some of the commercials were funny.
Speaker 1Yes, yes, which one was my favorite?
Speaker 2Arnold's was my favorite, I think.
Speaker 1Arnold.
Speaker 2Schwarzenegger, that was pretty good Jelly. It's a hidden talent.
Speaker 1Yeah, everybody, that was unexpected.
Speaker 2Yeah, my favorite one, I think, was the Dunkin Donuts with Ben Affleck and Jello Matt Damon was really funny in that, so funny. Yeah, so, but you're feeling jittery. I'm probably feeling a little lethargic, just a little sleepy. Today, from you know, we hosted a Super Bowl gathering, so it means we stay up late and clean and pick up and all that stuff, but it's so worth it, so worth it.
Speaker 1And then work comes the next day. Yes, it crossed my mind not to work the day after. Some people don't, some people can't, some people don't, but that's a whole another podcast on a whole other channel.
Speaker 2Yes, I'm also feeling excited because it's Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1Oh yes, Happy Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2Yes, happy Valentine's Day to you. Is this a holiday that you tend to celebrate?
Speaker 1One of the things I love about Veterans United is their emergency Valentine's Day table. This is the one thing that I do participate in at VU. I mean, I'm like thank you.
Speaker 2And they don't have just like okay, kind of things. They've got some great, great creative gifts.
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't even go anywhere else, I just wait for them to pop the tables up. That's right.
Speaker 2It's so easy and it's you know you can get it out of your paycheck and that's right. Thank you, bring your wallet just pick something and yeah.
Speaker 1You know I did give my wife a rose. It was Saturday night. I went and I mixed for a band that plays around and the event just happened to have roses.
Speaker 2They were handing them out and like give me one of those.
Speaker 1That's points, that's easy points right there and so thoughtful. Yeah, and I was like that's Valentine's Day early is what I told her, you make it Valentine's week. No, people do, they do.
Speaker 2We saw some friends at a restaurant on Friday night and they were waiting for dinner. They said they were celebrating Valentine's early. Okay so you know, when it's in the middle of the week, like this week on a Wednesday right. It's challenge, because you know not to go out on Wednesday night because everyone's going to be going out.
Speaker 1Well, and you know, even today, our, our studio is overrun by because of the tables that are set up around us for the Valentine breakfast and lunches.
Speaker 2Yes, happy hours.
Speaker 1Another great thing for VU that VU does is they give us these sweetheart, uh little options that some of us take advantage of yeah, I can't even get to my office, to be quite honest, for three days, yes, so, yeah, it's cool, it is good.
Speaker 2But we thought that, uh, to just focus on Valentine's Day, we would make a special Valentine's Enneagram, you podcast.
Speaker 1Okay, well, what? What does Valentine and Enneagram have anything to do with one another? Yes, well, don't even know.
Speaker 2It's all about how we want to celebrate, or what we can do on Valentine's Day as the numbers.
Valentine's Day Plans and Ideas
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't know. Okay, let's try this.
Speaker 2Well, hey the Christmas shopping. I mean, that was a good that was a good episode, big episode.
Speaker 1So this is going to be probably a little long. That lines, too, I love that I love Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2I think it's just a fun way. We even still even though our kids are in their twenties, I still like to get gifts for them for Valentine's.
Speaker 1That's sweet.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Just a little. Do I do? No, I don't, I don't. But you know it is. This is Valentine's Day, so people are listening like, oh yeah, thanks for doing this today, but if you're working at VU, there's still time.
Speaker 2There is Um and make it Valentine's week to say let's celebrate through the weekend.
Speaker 1That's a good save yeah, good save that we probably should have done this episode last week, but then it would have felt too early.
Speaker 2Yeah, we can't win.
Speaker 1No we know the enter. Ladies and gentlemen, the entertainment industry is very difficult. Let me say it it is.
Speaker 2We try to please everyone.
Speaker 1We do the best we can.
Speaker 2Yeah, yes, but, just like we talked about with Christmas gifts, uh, people on the enneagram, different numbers, want to do different things for Valentine's, and so we want you to know that if you are in a relationship with someone who's a number, we're going to give you some helpful tips. But also, if you are the number and you aren't in a relationship, you can still celebrate Valentine's, or you know, there's different ways of looking at that. Now, like, uh, the whole Gallentines have you? Uh.
Speaker 1Kelly, I don't, I don't. What are you talking about? See, I'm not really connected.
Speaker 2This was maybe the first time I heard of it was watching a show. I love Parks and Rec. Oh right, did you ever watch that?
Speaker 1See, I did not.
Speaker 2And I know that's almost sinful Um because I really go back and watch it.
Speaker 1Yeah, I've heard such good things about that and I hear it all the time and I'm like, oh, I missed out for sure.
Speaker 2In a way not as popular as the office, but I could see a close second. Yes, but I've heard Leslie Nope um would get all of her girlfriends together around Valentine's Day and they would call it Gallentines.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, makes sense yeah.
Speaker 2Mm, hmm, and so rather you know if you're single or want to get a group of friends, um, maybe could you imagine some guys. Yeah, Uh, yeah.
Speaker 1Sure.
Speaker 2How would we call that the little time?
Speaker 1There's not a guy yeah. Yeah, well, we'll edit that out. Yes, we're not sure exactly. No, we're leaving it. We're leaving it for sure.
Speaker 2But Kelly tries in her mind to create a new word. Look, you did, arnold today, that's true.
Speaker 1We have had a lot of sugar, this is for sure.
Speaker 2Yes, Because I did consume quite a few peanut M&Ms, uh, last night, I have to say.
Speaker 1I bought a giant cookie.
Speaker 2Oh, those are the best, with the frosting oh yeah, I'm still eating it today.
Speaker 1I mean, I think I ate the whole thing, I just oh man.
Speaker 2Mm, hmm, I love those so much. Those are the best. It was like it's my birthday?
Speaker 1No, it's not, but I'm buying it. I said go chiefs. I'm like, let's get that. Yes, do it. Now that I know about this cookie, you know it's. You know that I can just buy them anytime.
Speaker 2You can for any or no occasion Big, big trouble.
Speaker 1Yes, big big trouble. Remember when I was all healthy, like last fall. I was walking in the morning and I was like man, I'm conquering the world. That's gone.
Speaker 2It ebbs and flows.
Speaker 1Yeah, New Year's resolution yeah Well.
Speaker 2Lent's coming up also on Valentine's Day. Is it that it's Ash Wednesday Interesting?
Speaker 1Yeah, it is, we hold both. Yeah, both are about love.
Speaker 2Yes, they are about love. We're just choosing on this podcast to focus on the fun part Versus the what are you going to give up?
Speaker 1Oh right, yes, okay, we're going to say what can you do? Yeah, I'm not giving up sugar. Can't do it. I don't drink soda anymore. That's a pretty good one.
Speaker 2That is.
Speaker 1I have maintained that Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, we better get going.
Speaker 2Yes, okay. So what we're going to talk about for each number is if you are in a relationship with someone who is that number, or you are that number, here's some ideas to make that a fun night. But if you're not in a relationship, here might be a way just to celebrate Valentine's just on your own or with others. So if that sounds like a good plan, a little bit of both.
Speaker 1Hit us, yes, we're ready.
Speaker 2So the one the good person. We know that ones like to have things planned out, so they are probably not going to be the one that's going to be super excited about a surprise or secret Valentine's adventure.
Speaker 1I'm a one. I've been thinking this a lot more lately.
Speaker 2You have been saying that oh my gosh, yes, all right. So, with that in mind, let's say, if you are especially having a strong one wing, like if you could plan, like the perfect Valentine for you what would you no Valentine?
Speaker 1Maybe a giant cookie.
Speaker 2Okay, a giant cookie.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know that would be the perfect Right.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I'm good, yeah, so, yeah, so Paula would know for you like okay to plan the perfect Valentine's for. Damon, it's just getting that big cookie with the frosting, it says she would win Damon plus. Paula equals love.
Speaker 1Yes, the more you have written on there, the more frosting, yeah, she would win. Yeah, she did that Okay.
Speaker 2Well, like other ones, they want to know what is going to be part of the plan, and I think that's because they can anticipate, look forward to it. They really don't like spontaneity, that just makes them unsettled. And so maybe that they look at it and say, okay, I'd like to start the night with going to a happy hour, or then maybe there's a movie I want to see or there's a place I'd like to go to dinner, and they're going to be the ones also that will make the reservations, because they will do the right thing, because they're probably not just going to show up, because they're going to know there are no open tables. You have to have reservations on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1Very good.
Speaker 2So they just like to have things go as they planned, and so that would be good to know, but then also to plan something fun too. So this would not be maybe the night to talk with your significant other about. Finances, Finances yes, how are we doing on the budget?
Speaker 1Why is that so top of mind? Never mind.
Speaker 2But the other part of that, too, is that if you are budgeting, not to blow the budget, because that can stress out a one too Okay, so that would be the date night option for the one, or something to keep in mind.
Speaker 1All right, don't talk about money. Don't talk about money, that's what I heard. But have fun.
Speaker 2But then if you're not in a relationship and you just wanna celebrate for yourself Valentine's Day, it may be getting together a few of your friends and having something planned, like maybe going to dinner together but then having just maybe a fun outing that you could do.
Speaker 2So maybe if the weather's nice, which I think it's going to be pretty much all day, yeah it could be bowling, it could be taking a walk on the trail and then going to dinner or doing a workout class and go and do something fun. Okay, something like that Cause ones really do appreciate that blending of fun and also ways to take care of yourself. Self-discipline, All right yeah.
Speaker 1Ones don't have to ask just other ones out, though, oh no no, no, ask out other numbers cause. That'll help kind of broaden If a bunch of ones get together. Oh, that sounds like the beginning of a joke, so I won't.
Speaker 2Yes, what happened when you got four ones together on a Valentine's Day outing? How did that look? Okay, so that would be the one.
Speaker 1All right, that's good.
Speaker 2Yeah, plans, all right, the two which we have been talking about, the two this month, which is perfect for how much the twos are loving people.
Speaker 1The loving person.
Speaker 2They love Valentine's Day, and so, if you are in a relationship with a two, what I want to challenge you to do is to treat them, cause they're already going to have your gift and just ways that they can love on you, but also maybe do some extra pampering for the two in your life, cause they pamper all of the rest of us so well.
Speaker 1Well, they will. They receive that Okay.
Speaker 2Well, I was going to say then. The other thing is that the two has to receive that. Okay, to let your significant other just plan some of those things that are pouring into you. That you don't have to be the one. And, like we've been talking about this month, it is just as loving to let someone serve you as you serve. So twos really take that to heart this year for Valentine's Day. I love your loved one. Love on you.
Speaker 1If you're like trying to surprise a two, I'm going to make this podcast go way too long and and you're going to treat them, do you need to like set that up Like I'm going to give you something and I you know almost qualify it, or do you just drop it on them? And then and then no, they may react in a way oh no, you don't have to give me that.
Speaker 2Well, I think again, maybe making it more assertive, so not saying, hey, what would you think about us doing this where, like I, can you know, give you this or do this for you? Cause I'm sure a two would maybe say no way, no, don't do that. Like that's too much, or?
Speaker 2And so just being able to say, hey, you take such good care of me or us that tonight I just wanted to be about me taking care of you and maybe preparing them, like. So I am going to be doing some things that just pour into you but not give the option for them to.
Speaker 1Here are your flowers. Here is your candy. Here is your gift certificate to the massage parlor. Yeah, here is the budget. No, not that one.
Valentine's Day Ideas for Enneagram Types
Speaker 2No, no, okay. But hey, I made an appointment for you to get a massage. Yeah, to where it's okay, versus. I think if you give a gift card to a two, they're probably going to pass it on to someone else.
Speaker 1Oh, you got me Maybe. Yeah, I'm failing the enneagram. All right, that's good.
Speaker 2But if you're not in a relationship for Valentine's night, it would be, I think, a great idea for you as a two to again host a gathering. But the boundary I want to ask you to set for hosting the gathering is making it a potluck, oh wow. So not, you know, taking care of and pouring out into everybody else, but like each person bringing something just to contribute.
Speaker 1That's good.
Speaker 2That way you can also set back and relax. And even you know, since you're hosting it, you know asking. You know, when people say, hey, what can I do to help you clean up, typically twos are like oh no, I got it, go ahead, receive help.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Picking up. That's good and for the friends that are invited to the twos gathering, help pick up. Take out the trash.
Speaker 1She looked right at me.
Speaker 2She said that All right, yeah, so that's the two.
Speaker 1I love that yeah.
Speaker 2Okay For the three. The three's are always about being efficient and effective and they love to achieve, and so it can be difficult for the three to really unplug on Valentine's Day, especially if they're on a date night. So what I want to encourage threes to do and if you're in a relationship with a three, for both of you to leave your phones in the car. If you go to dinner, if you go to a movie, if you're doing a Valentine's Day at home, put the phones in the other room, just to be able to unplug, because we know for the three, as soon as your phone buzzes or take off your smart watches too, because that's going to be another way of connecting you their blood pressure goes up because they got to see what are they missing? What do they?
Speaker 1need to do.
Speaker 2I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna try it. Okay, all right, yes, or for threes, because they, like the sevens, like to be a little more extravagant in celebrations. It may be booking a weekend away.
Speaker 1Didn't we just talk about finances? I'm not, I'm just teasing.
Speaker 2Well, threes though, they've got the great jobs and have all the money.
Speaker 1That's right.
Speaker 2But making it more of a weekend. And if you do a weekend away, what I want to encourage you is to have that weekend where you have an auto reply on your email, where you're letting people know hey, I'm not going to be answering phone calls. Let this be really a weekend that you can set aside just to pour into yourself and to your partner. Okay, I love it. Yeah, yeah, we'll try it.
Speaker 1It's going to be difficult for the three. Yeah, I don't think we're going to make the weekend away thing, but like the electronics piece, we could try that. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2And if you're three and you're not in a relationship, what I want to encourage you to do is to schedule something for you. So, if you are three and you're not in a relationship with someone, what I want to encourage you to do is to set up something special for you, so it may be scheduling a massage or a facial or something that can be relaxing for you. To just set that up as a gift for you and to then, you know, take that time where you can fully just relax, even if it's like an hour massage, just being able to say, okay, during that massage, I'm not going to think about work or I'm not going to think about other things while I'm getting my massage. So give a gift to yourself.
Speaker 1Right, or it could be a three that is, in a relationship with someone who does Valentine's Day really poorly, and instead of just being single, they could still get their own massage.
Speaker 2So, paula, go ahead and book your massage or facial. Just charge it to Damon, yeah.
Speaker 1Man, that makes it easier Okay.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Good.
Speaker 2Okay, so that's the three, moving to the four. So we know the four is the creative, unique person. So if you're in a relationship with a four, please don't do like the traditional here's your flowers, here's your candy. Let's go to dinner in a movie, because fours are going to be like wha wha, like I'm not special.
Speaker 2This is, you know, just not the unique Valentine's that I would want, because they want to feel really special and love that way. And so what I would encourage you to do, if you're in a relationship with a four, is to really plan an evening or again, maybe even this weekend, to plan just some time where you can do some creative things together, and it may be going to someplace that has like a wine tasting or someplace that where you can explore something creative together, like maybe even this is maybe something that could be fun to do Taking like a masterclass together. You know, looking at masterclass, they've got such amazing different options for classes and you can watch it at, you know, in the privacy of your own home, and being able to maybe do a cooking class or something that you just would find would be unique.
Speaker 1So that's something you do A musical event.
Speaker 2Yes, a musical event. And also, if you're in a relationship with a four, I would encourage you to write them a love letter just to let them know how much you love them. It's creative. You may and probably earn a four, but they are going to love that just seeing your handwritten note Now, not just a card from Hallmark that you want them to say, you know you want Hallmark to say what your heart feels.
Speaker 1No, you say what your heart feels or you could use a bot to do it.
Speaker 2But don't let the four know that you used a bot.
Speaker 1Here's my AI love letter to the four. Yes, dear four, I'm going to ask my AI friend right now.
Speaker 2What could I say to someone that I love, that I really love them.
Speaker 1Yeah, there's a lot of effort in that and make it sound like me, by the way. Yes.
Speaker 2And use feelings that they don't know. But maybe you add the feelings.
Speaker 1Oh my gosh, I can't think of anything worse to do to a four. Oh, my gosh and for them to find out, don't tell them yeah to them to find out that you used an AI.
Speaker 2Erase all signs that point to the fact that you might have written their Valentine love letter with a bot Move it on with the four than if you're not in a relationship to be able to experience some Valentine celebration with your close friends and I'm not saying invite like many, but maybe one or two, because I could see for the four, it may feel really heartbreaking if you're not in a relationship this year with a four, like, oh, everybody else is having a great Valentine's and here I am alone. But to gather some of your close, closest friends and to do something special, like again maybe do a wine tasting with friends or being able just to connect, maybe over just a slow dinner, you know, where there's different courses or different things, where you can really connect and maybe even have some of those deeper into the pool kind of conversation, like you know, being able to have that deeper conversation with your friends.
Speaker 1Some fours are introverted, some fours are extroverted. So, maybe harder for the introverts to take that step.
Speaker 2But hey, this might be two for an encouragement for those of us who have close friends. That are four and that might think I'm just not going to do anything. Reach out to the four and go and have dinner you know, or go and just have a conversation, have dessert, you know, over just a deeper conversation. That would be a gift to your friend. That's a four. Yeah, yeah. I like that, All right, the fives. Now the fives most likely would be like can we just bypass? I think I'm a five.
Speaker 1Well, I like just being able to pick whatever number I want.
Speaker 2You are them all to one form or another, so as the nine not really but for the five, like this is a stretch zone for the five, because for them they would just more want to not have to even think about that. Not because they're not loving people they definitely are but for them they're probably. Like you know, this is just a made up holiday. That wants my money. You know, hallmark or flower stores want my money, right? This is not logical, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, it doesn't make sense. It's like emotions, it's a phenomenon.
Speaker 2But we're asking the five to move from just their head down to the heart and to, you know, think about the person that you're in a relationship with and maybe find some creative ways to connect, even intellectually. So maybe there is maybe a movie or a theater production or even a museum that you've had interest in, maybe it is a master class that you would want to do together.
Speaker 1Kelly, that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good. So it's a way to connect.
Valentine's Day Tips for Enneagram Types
Speaker 2Think about that loved one in your life that still does want to get the flowers or whatever else that might be, and so that could be just a way to grow out of your comfort zone. But if you aren't in a relationship, we would want to encourage you to have your own night and just live out an introvert stream that night, which might be going to the library and just spending time your nose and maybe one of your favorite books, or going to a favorite coffee shop, or just doing something. Again, that's unique and that will pour into you. Now a five is probably going to be like I can do that at home, but again, get out of your comfort zone. Stretch a little bit. It's too good You'll be glad you did.
Speaker 1This is just too good. You may have just saved Valentine's Day for millions of fives. I hope so Well internationally we're hoping you know, with our international impact. Australia. Are you hearing us? Yes, fives, there's lots of fives in Australia.
Speaker 2Do they celebrate? I have no idea, well, whether or not the world understands love.
Speaker 2So we're just trying to expand love in so many ways. All right, six is next. Now, interestingly enough, sixes don't want the over-the-top Valentine's. They like things to just kind of go as planned, and so if you're going to have a date night with a six, they want to know what to plan for. They want to keep it low-key. Sixes, a lot of times, can be very loyal to places that they go out to dinner, so it might be hey, let's go to our place that we might normally go.
Speaker 2Our favorite place, our favorite place. It's our place Because they really like that. Now if sixes aren't in a relationship with someone, it may be doing something that is kind of a special thing, but that can also be routine for you. Like, if you have a favorite coffee shop, it might be OK after work. I'm going to stop by the coffee shop and I'm going to get a drink that I don't normally get With sugar. A drink with sugar.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2Stop by the store and get that cookie with all the frosting. Oh my god, Send some to your friend Damon because he would really appreciate that.
Speaker 1Can we hurry up Because I got to go home.
Speaker 2Your jitters are starting to turn into withdraws.
Speaker 1Yeah, I need some more.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, I love that. Yes, and just yeah, to do something special, but yet something that is a place that is one of your favorites, you know, or going to a store that's your favorite store, or, again, picking out a book or something that you enjoy doing.
Speaker 1Typical valentines are the best valentines for the sixes.
Speaker 2Yes, for sixes love that yeah, All right seven.
Speaker 1I can't imagine what is going to happen here for this. Oh, I mean sevens.
Speaker 2Yeah, if sevens are in a relationship and things are good, and if they don't have a budget, I mean the sky's the limit.
Speaker 1Isn't every day Valentine's Day at that point, for them.
Speaker 2Right. So, for sevens. If you're in a relationship with seven, again, just allow that space for them to have fun and joy. Don't do like me and go. Why don't we just stay in and like what A show, la la.
Speaker 1The sevens like you just see the life. You see the life draining out of the seven. So let them have fun.
Speaker 2Think of something fun to do, get out of your comfort zone and be spontaneous, kind of, let the night take you wherever it wants to go. Now, the sevens are going to be energized by that. So, especially since it's on a Wednesday this year, if you work the next day like it does have to have an end, right, because sevens will be like no, the party's just starting. Or, oh, let's go do this and this and this.
Speaker 1So I shouldn't. I don't want to pry too much, but you know what it's like to if your husband Hartley is planning a Valentine. Is it like you're saying? Is it like a party? Oh yeah, it's a party thing. Yes, I mean it would be, even if it's just the two of you. It's like OK, yeah.
Speaker 2Let's go, let's do and gifts. Very wonderful in giving gifts. And that's one of his love languages. So what I have to be challenged on on my other you?
Speaker 1know what I mean.
Speaker 2On the side, I can't measure that, but I have to do something. I too have been grateful for VU's yes Little shop.
Speaker 1Go gut, try it.
Speaker 2Yes, go gut, is it triad? No, yes, yeah, it's the gut, try out for sure, yeah. So for a seven who's not in a relationship, though, they can also still have fun either being with friends or just going to maybe a place that you like to go, because sevens start to build friendships wherever they go, so it may just be going out wherever that might be Every Valentine's Day could be at night on the town.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's going, and if you're single and you're a seven and you go out for happy hour or go someplace, you may find that one. It could be the greatest day of your life.
Speaker 1Who knows, it could be a great story, because all the other sevens are also there.
Speaker 2Yes, all the single sevens are all going to be there, all the single sevens, and so that means it's party, party, party.
Speaker 1And then you know like you'll have to decide.
Speaker 2Is that what you?
Speaker 1want your whole life to be like.
Speaker 2That's right.
Speaker 1OK, we're going down that different road there. All the single sevens, all the single sevens. Arnold, I don't.
Speaker 2Yeah. Maybe, from all my sugar intake Yep. Ok. So eights, Eights, here we go. Here we go with the eights. So eights typically have in their mind exactly how they want Valentine's Day to go.
Speaker 1So there's a plan there for you as well.
Speaker 2Yes, but also don't forget that your partner has opinions. So for me, there have been years where I'm like, oh, let's take a weekend away and like there's honestly times where I'm like, eh, you know, like, yeah, I wanna, you know I wanna. I've got gifts for my husband and our children, but I need to just be open to also what he wants to do.
Speaker 1Well, cause he's a seven. So sevens wanna be sevens, let a seven be a seven.
Speaker 2Yes, that word compromise. We have to be willing to compromise which are difficult for an eight Cause I can even defend like ah, the next day's a work day and da, da, da da.
Speaker 1You could squish a seven. Oh, I probably have done that way too many times. You've broken their poor little heart.
Speaker 2I know the kill joy, Kill joy right here.
Speaker 1Kill joy? No, sometimes Everybody listening knows that is not true.
Speaker 2Yes, but yes, kill joys do not impersonate Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Speaker 2Well, they do if they've had like a hundred penineminums the day before. But All right. So for an eight, if you're not in a relationship to be able to just decide for you, like what would be life giving to you, because a lot of times you pour out so much to other people, um, that you can get into that unhealthy space like a unhealthy two and you just discount yourself. So for the eight, like what would be a night that you would just really think about pouring into you. What would that look like? Would it be a massage? Would it be an early bedtime? Would it be watching one of your favorite shows? Would it be inviting friends to dinner, like whatever that might be. Mm-hmm, doing that.
Speaker 1So if it's not with a group, that's okay.
Speaker 2Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Well, the introverts get more energized by being by themselves. Okay, yep, and I know too that sometimes being by ourselves on holidays, like Valentine's Day, could be more life taking. So you just have to ask yourself okay, the next day, what will? I be glad I did?
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2Will I be glad I stayed home and took a hot bath, or would I be really glad that I reached out and had you know?
Speaker 1cocktails with friends. Sounds like a great question for everyone. Yeah, honestly.
Speaker 2All right. Last but not least, I didn't wear out of time. We say that all the time, not least at all. The nine Thank goodness, I'm a one Like you said for you the perfect Valentine's is I don't know, yeah, so confusing.
Speaker 1Everyone's doing Valentine's here and there and everywhere but I'm so glad VU has their little pop of tables yes, that brings you peace. It does, it does Incredible peace, knowing that's there.
Speaker 2And that's the key for the nine Like whatever is going to be the most peaceful. That's what you're for, and so if Paula wants to just hang out, you're like perfect. Or if she wants to go to dinner, it might be awesome, that's fine, yeah. Whatever. But I'm not in that unrealistic pressure of like oh, I got to get flowers and candy and gifts and all that.
Speaker 1I'm definitely married to the right person. She's never done that to me.
Speaker 2And also for nines not to be afraid to speak up if there are some things that you would like to do on Valentine's there are rare occasions, yes, where the opinion is actually strong in there. Yes, and I'm sure Paula's like yes, tell me, I want to hear.
Speaker 1Right, she probably wanted it planned.
Speaker 2But anyway, sorry For those that are in a relationship with a nine, there's probably not going to be the plan.
Speaker 1Probably yeah.
Speaker 2It's going to, maybe hit you in the moment because you're more present, yeah, but to let them know what you might like to do as well. And then, if you're single on Valentine's Day, being able to maybe get together with friends, being able to again, like the eight, ask what would be life giving?
Speaker 1for me.
Speaker 2Because that is the challenge for the nine Now. Nines are so great at relaxing and replenishing, so I also want to encourage nines not just to have another night at home to make it special, Right?
Speaker 1Because if you go out you might meet a seven yes.
Speaker 2I mean again, it may be the best story. You'll find your friends that are sevens, sixes, maybe threes, you just never know, right.
Valentine's Day and Enneagram Perspectives
Speaker 1So, yeah, that's a lot. Kelly, I think you saved Valentine's Day for the whole not just the fives. That was really good for the fives.
Speaker 2Well, again, just as we think about the different lenses of the enneagram applied to different things and Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that there are some that just really want the over the top and there's some that are just like low key and neither is right or wrong. We just have to know. So hopefully this will help from conflict, hurt feelings, breakups, getting together and expectations, expectations.
Speaker 1That's important. Well, thank you for joining us on Enneagram and you. This has been an amazing, amazing episode. It might be my favorite one ever. I think you should share this and share away and don't be a killjoy, right.
Speaker 2Share the love.
Speaker 1Yeah, and just thank you so much for joining us and we will see you next time. Bye Kelly, Bye Damon. I think we can get started.
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