Under the Influence

Sarah doesn't want to be influenced. She wants to be inspired.

IG: @sarahonpurpose

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Dude, I procrastinated at a level 10 out of 10 this week, and this is supposed to come out tomorrow. I got a little in my head, like, uh, why am I making this podcast again? Is it even any good? Will it get better? Derp. I wasn't super inspired this week, but I think I know why. This feels like it's gonna be a cross between a dear diary entry and a rant. So come along with me while I get annoyed out loud and maybe talk a little shit. Let me clear my throat. Dear Diary, this episode is called Under the Influence. Will it be about something stupid I said when I was drunk? Well, I hate to disappoint you, but we don't have that kind of time. And most of the really, really dumb stuff I did happened in the 1900s. A bygone era. But this isn't the part where I tell people not to drink or that I gave it all up, because that's not what's going on here. Put a good glass of bubbles in my hand, and I'm usually pretty happy. What is going on is that this podcast is about finding my voice, my spark, and myself. But instead of looking for that this week, what did I do? Oh yeah, er, I spent it on my dumbass phone. Another big reason why it was so hard to get back on the podcast horse in the first place. So in this case, being under the influence has nothing to do with drinking. It got me thinking about being influenced and why social media can be so problematic if you want to make something creative, authentic, and real. Some people might think that posting a video of themselves or something they made or put a lot of heart into isn't that big of a deal. And it's possible it's a generational thing. But I do have a terrible time with it. I'm told I should do it for business, or that it's social, or just for fun. But is it fun? Is it so like that's where I get annoyed, okay? There's so much noise on social media. And there are some very smart people who get paid to beat the drum designed to make us feel not good enough. It's designed to make us feel not smart enough, not relevant enough, not creative enough, not cool enough, not rich enough, or simply just not enough. That doesn't seem fun. And Mark Zuckerberg's like a legit nerd, okay? I'm smart enough to understand that these platforms exist to tell us what to like, what to think, what is art, and what's important. And even though I know that about social media, if I sit looking at it long enough, sometimes it is challenging to discover or decipher what it actually is that I do like, or what I think, or what feels like my art, or what's important to me, especially if it doesn't get a lot of followers or likes, because that seems to be the only real barometer for impact anymore. And I know, I know, take what's important and leave the rest. But here's some of the stupid shit I saw this week. You got girls out there like, hey, if you don't wear a weighted vest, your bones are gonna fall right off your body. If you don't use this exact face cream, you're gonna end up living under a bridge and no one will love you. Being old is fine, but only if you're quirky enough or dance enough or wear 15 pounds of jewelry. Hide your grays, girl. Embrace your grays, girl. If you aren't taking a picture of your greased up hot dog legs in front of the ocean, did you even go on vacation? Heaven forbid you just put your phone down and relax and have a good time without having to prove it, but you know, cool margarita. Oh, and you have to have this thing off Amazon tomorrow. It's amazing. I don't know how you manage to live this long without it. And oh, by the way, maybe you don't know this, but you will die if you don't walk 50,000 steps, put your feet in the grass, or find a way to get the sun to shine directly into your butthole. Food hacks, work hacks, life hacks, it's all whack. And don't even get me started on the internet coaches who are coming out there saying, I just had my first 15-figure month. You can be just like me. It's easy. Comment girlboss for the link. Yuck! You mean to tell me you're out there making that Oprah money and you're still on Instagram every day? I just don't buy it. Go save some whales. It's almost as if TikTok and Instagram and whatever else would love for you to believe that your life is boring. Heaven forbid anybody finds out that you have plenty of days just filled with normal things. Or instead of feeling anything, you could just buy stuff and that would make you less lame. You should relax more, but also you're not mad enough. It's probably perimenopause, so get enough sleep, but don't close both your eyes because all the men are coming to kill us. What the fuck, man? And this is embarrassing, but I dread this one. The OMG, I have a book that's coming out this fall. Don't forget to pre-order. I get annoyed, but I also get really jealous. Forgetting that's actually something that I could shoot for too. So the dreaded comparison trap starts to look like your value equals your number of followers, and the higher the count means the more you matter. I know it's all bullshit, yet the psychology is powerful, right? Then, if you think maybe you do have something to offer people, you have to come up with your personal hook, your brand. And even though you might change, you probably shouldn't change it because you know brand recognition. Not only that, you have to constantly produce to gain any traction or a following or whatever, to get exposure. And that's in complete opposition to the way the muse or creativity even works. It doesn't allow for down cycles and fallow periods. It's no wonder people have moved to AI to keep up with making content for their posts. But at the end of the day, all that tells me is that a robot is telling me how to spend all my money, what to wear, what to do, what to think, what to say, and in this ironic twist, how to be human. So what if I suck at building a business? Everyone else seems to know what they're doing. What even is a funnel? Isn't that a beer bong? I'm sure it means something different on Instagram. But seriously, what am I even doing on my phone for hours anyway? You guys ever get caught up in the hate follow? Like, what is that annoying influencer I don't like doing today? Better go check. Or how about that dumb old coworker, or that old friend, or that ex or that ex's ex? And apropos of nothing, some of us have to deal with reading what our parents say on Facebook, which is like, ew, really not fun. So I say all of that because I tried to do Instagram for a while for coaching stuff, and I did think it was pretty fun for a while. But I always kind of worried: should I be lighter, funnier, or more serious? Should I have an offer? Should I be more consistent? Seems like nobody really cares about this silly little thing, so why should I? It's like a frickin' snake eating its own tail. I liked it when I didn't try so hard. But maybe I'm just too afraid of criticism, or maybe I'm just lazy. So much of it just feels fake and frustrating and gives me anxiety. And also, TBH kind of feels annoying to work for free. Rant part two. I think influencers need to do better. Here's an example. Let's take Mel Robbins. You know who Mel Robbins is because everybody knows who Mel Robbins is. She was, is a lawyer, life coach, author, and podcaster with over 40 million followers. A Time magazine, woman of the year nominee. When she first became popular to a wide audience, maybe just a million followers. It was about the same time I had finished coach training, which was about 12 years ago. She was just going by Life Coach back then, just like me. A straight shooter from the Midwest, just like me. And she was already so far ahead of what I was doing, I thought, why even try? The market's already so saturated. Way too many people stop there. Someone else is already doing what I want to do and better. Guess I shouldn't try. False, but it does feel like that. Anyway, fast forward to today, and the Let Them Theory book is a New York Times bestseller and translated into 65 languages. She's one of the most influential women in America. And maybe you have or haven't heard about the allegations that she took this other woman's poem, Let Them, and then capitalized on it by writing this book. Also saying she had never heard of this poem, but there are since deleted posts saying that she discovered it a few years ago and loved it, never gave this woman any credit, so on and so on. Now I don't know whose side you're on, and it doesn't matter. It's kind of like a big David and Goliath story at this point. And maybe you're thinking women shouldn't rip on other women. Well, listen, I don't discriminate. Jay Shetty, same type of thing. There's a little too much uh monk in the trunk. You know what I mean? So what really jerks my chain about these two is that they have access to the greatest spiritual minds in the world. They've amassed millions of followers, literally centered around being a better person. And I would love to see them use their power in a different and real way. Influence us to acknowledge our humanity always, not just when it benefits our wallet or our ego. Let us see you walk it back a little. Show people how to say an uncomfortable thing. Maybe you did embellish, maybe you didn't give credit where it was due. Who knows? Show us how to do it better. Now it just makes some of the beautiful things they've done seem disingenuous, and that's a bummer. I want people with the largest followings to be good people and to have integrity, and I know that's just not really how it works. I also want to say right now that it's not all trash social media. I love watching stupid videos just as much as the next guy. I like funny stuff. I like ridiculous stuff. I want to go to these apps and feel better, not worse. And influencers, they aren't only on the internet. They can be real life people in your real life. They have strong opinions and piss on your parade, and too often we ask those people what they think about our choices, or to tell us what they think we should do with our lives. We think maybe they better than us know how to be us. Makes no sense really. I guess what I'm getting at, dear diary, is that being influenced and being inspired are two very different things. I don't want to be influenced because I don't want to give up my own agency. Inspiration, however. Well, that's a different ballgame. Two people can't make the same art, but their art can be in conversation with the other. They can inspire each other. And I'm inspired by so many different people and places and things. I'm inspired by flowers and the freaking phases of the moon. I'm inspired by Max, my dog, and my sisters and my friends, and not all of those things have Instagram accounts. I love Alan Watts and Anne Lamotte and Brene Brown and Priya Parker. I love Rick Rubin and Amy McNee, and I'm influenced by those people because I'm inspired by them. This isn't about me getting high and mighty about not wasting your time on your phone. But what's that quote? Time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted at all. So I guess the question is: do you enjoy it, social media? Do you feel better? Are you laughing? Are you inspired? Or is it just costing you money, your self-esteem, or your sanity? If so, then that seems like a waste. They say comparison is a thief of joy, but it also makes you question what you should even feel joyful about. If I really, really think about it, I don't want people to tell me where to get my joy. I want to find the people and the things that feed it and then go participate in my own life. So I guess the lesson here is not all creation has to be content, and no amount of likes are better than hitting that double tap on my own heart. This concludes my rant. Okay, love you.

unknown 14:15

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Oh no, you don't mind.