I Feel You, A Fortify Wellness Production
Bettina Mahoney the Founder/CEO of @atfortifywellness is a rape survivor who started her brand after struggling to not only find a therapist, but multiple mediums to heal through her trauma. Fortify Wellness is a 360 holistic platform offering therapy, coaching, fitness, and meditation on one subscription platform. We dive deep with our trailblazing guests about overcoming adversity.
I Feel You, A Fortify Wellness Production
Finding Strength and Community in the Face of Adversity
Navigating the complex world of neurodiversity and wellness in Silicon Valley is no small feat, particularly when chronic health issues and past traumas intertwine. In our discussion, Kendra opens up about her experiences with chronic migraines and the relief she found through ADHD treatment, shedding light on the often overlooked struggles women face in receiving timely and appropriate care. The birth of Divergently, a community for late-diagnosed neurodivergent women, serves as a testament to the power of community support and the need for personalized learning strategies. We explore systemic gaps in education and healthcare, and the impact of environmental factors like mold toxicity, highlighting the urgent need for change.
About Kendra Koch:
Kendra Koch is a serial Silicon Valley startup marketer turned community builder and founder. Currently, she's the Founder and CEO of Divergently, a comprehensive platform connecting late-diagnosed neurodivergent women to all of the tools, resources and education they need to overcome burnout and achieve their dreams. She also writes a personal Substack titled, "Build Like An Artist," which is part public diary and part resource hub for founders who want to approach entrepreneurship as craft.
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Welcome to I Feel you a Fortify Wellness production season seven, where we explore the real stories and strategies that help you strengthen your mind, body and soul. I'm Bettina Mahoney, your guide on this journey to a healthier, more vibrant you. Before we get started, here's a quick reminder this information shared today is for your inspiration and knowledge, but always consult a healthcare provider for any medical concerns. I am so excited to welcome Kendra Koch, who is a serial Silicon Valley startup marketer turned community builder and founder. Currently, she's the founder and CEO of Divergently, a comprehensive platform connecting late diagnosed neurodivergent women to all the tools, resources and education they need to overcome burnout and achieve their dreams. She also writes a personal sub-tack titled Build Like an Artist, which is part public diary and part resource hub for founders who want to approach entrepreneurship as craft. Please welcome Kendra. Hi Kendra, thank you so much for coming on to my podcast today. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm doing well. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited that you're here, and I always love to start with this question because it helps ground us. So when you take away all of your titles this is including personal and professional titles who are you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that question. It's such a big question but I think, if you strip everything away, I'm a really curious person and if I had to distill it down to one word, I'd say I'm probably an artist, which maybe is surprising for people who look at my LinkedIn and see I've been in tech for 15 years.
Speaker 1:But I think I really approach life from an artist's point of view Because I think, as an artist myself, I'm very curious and when I go back and I listen to all my podcast episodes I wish I had a dollar for every time. I said I'm curious. Can you explain blah, blah, blah? Can you dive into, like, your curiosity aspect of of your being and how it kind of propels you a little bit?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think it's partly just was my personality and just something in my temperament, but also I think curiosity has been a really big tool for me in my life, because being able to get deeper into something or learn more about something has either, like, kept me safe or it's helped me get somewhere I wanted to go.
Speaker 2:So I think it's a really valuable like tool and skill set to have. But I'm also just have been that way since I was a kid and in the way it relates to being an artist, I think to me the purpose of art is to express something that you're observing or feeling or experiencing in a way that another person can. It's like a form of communication. It's like express something in a way that another person can grab onto and relate to, and maybe they're relating to something different than what you were feeling, but there's still like a like, a transmission of an emotion or a thought or a concept or um, and so for me, like, curiosity is the starting point and then the, the art or the creation is the like product that comes out of that curiosity beautiful and that is such an authentic transition into the next conversation about adversity.
Speaker 1:Um, I know adversity and many, and we'll talk about it later but I've endured a lot of adversity in my life. But one of the biggest pillars of my adversity in my life is when I was raped and I struggled deeply and I didn't know where to turn to and I felt like in the United States, there should be more access to not only healthcare but a holistic view around healthcare, meaning we're approaching the client from a mind, body, soul perspective. So, understanding what that felt like and being at what felt like at the time rock bottom propelled me into starting Boardify, which is a HIPAA compliant platform 360 approach to wellness, therapy, coaching, fitness and meditation on a tier subscription platform. And I always like to say, yes, I went through this adversity. Yes, I was once a victim, but I'm no longer in the victim consciousness anymore, but that was a huge adversity in my life and I'm curious I hope it wasn't to that extent, but I'm curious if you had adversity in your life that propelled you into that next step forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely. First, I want to just acknowledge that what you went through is a lot and that turning it into something beautiful to help others is really rare. Post-traumatic growth is like something I'm super interested in and I think you've done it. For me, adversity has been kind of the default state of my life, to be honest, until somewhat relatively recently, and now I have forms of adversity that I brought on myself by becoming a founder.
Speaker 2:But I grew up in a really small mountain town and I just had like a difficult upbringing for lots of different reasons and I've just seen a lot of life and I have four younger siblings that I essentially raised since I was a kid and then I put myself through college and then I found my way to Silicon Valley as a nanny, not even like for anything other than I just needed a job and a family needed to live in. Nanny that happened to know like adversity is like is a friend of mine. I mean I've had to make it my friend because it's just a huge piece of my life, that step to move to Silicon Valley.
Speaker 1:What was that like for you? Feeling the weight on your shoulders and maybe like not being able to be dependent, when maybe other people at that age would be more dependent on their parents, Like what. What did that feel like and what gave you kind of like the confidence to go? Like I'm going to create my own life here, I'm going to go and move to Silicon Valley and get a job because I talk a lot about this Like we have choices, like we could choose to submit to the adversity or we could choose to overcome it, and that is a choice and that can feel empowering. So what gave you that empowerment to make that decision?
Speaker 2:I mean I wish I could say that it was like I was so enlightened, but it really wasn't. That it was just like my best next option. It was like I saw that there was an opportunity and I didn't think it could be worse than like what I was going through and I'm, and I took it. And I think what felt really hard was I did feel a responsibility to my siblings and to my family in some areas and I had to really make a choice of like, do I stay here and continue supporting them, even though it's like creating so much strain for me, or do I go and, like, try and make a life for myself? Um, and I guess I decided to choose myself in that moment choosing yourself is a really powerful.
Speaker 1:I really do believe that, especially in the wellness journey, like when I'm thinking about fortify wellness and I'm thinking about like sustainable wellness, like how do we not only seek the services but like apply it into real life situations, like the wanting of that is stems from self-love, which is a long journey which I'm like I'm really happy that you've had that tool set at a very young age which you should be really proud of. Can you talk a little bit about your time in Silicon Valley and maybe who you worked for and then how that transitioned into founding Divergently?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I worked for a lot of different startups that were venture-backed startups.
Speaker 2:My first startup job was actually a startup incubator inside of a farm, and so I worked in like a lot of different kinds of companies, but the core thing that tied them all together was that they had some kind of health or wellness angle.
Speaker 2:And I did allergy prevention, I did genetics, I worked in death care, I worked in like fitness nutrition lots of different types of approaches to finding health, and that's why I really like that you have this like 360 approach, because that's something I definitely noticed in my career was that everybody's trying to solve it through a supplement or a new diet or a new fitness routine, but it's really not that, like, I personally didn't get healthy until I dealt with my emotional stuff, like. So there's so many components to health that are really overlooked. Um, and I learned about that in my career my career because I kept seeing the same kinds of people coming back, looking for help here, looking for help there, not really finding it, and that was my own personal journey too, and I think there was more to your question, but let me know if I missed something.
Speaker 1:No, I think that you're leading into it, which is like. What I'm guessing is is like you're noticing all these gaps and then did that take place in founding your company now, divergently, is that kind of what set like the pivot for you with that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it definitely contributed. When I was working in Silicon Valley I also was going through my own health journey. Like I have had chronic migraines since I was a kid chronic fatigue, brain fog, all these different things, autoimmune, lots of different symptoms that I kept seeing different specialists going to Chinese medicine. I did spiritual retreats, I did yoga, I did like resting, I did crazy fitness stuff like I would like run like 10 miles a day. You know, I tried it all and I wasn't feeling better.
Speaker 2:And then when I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was pregnant, that's when I finally started to get the right kind of treatment and a lot of the ADHD treatment actually helped me with my physical health stuff.
Speaker 2:But I also have CPTSD and so I was like doing trauma therapy, which really are, like you know, like ADHD, autism. A lot of these have like a big sensory nervous system component and I think trauma or like just general, like long-term stress or strain, can make symptoms of those things worse or they can layer on like an autoimmune disease or chronic pain or chronic fatigue. And then it becomes this very complex thing that doctors don't really know how to treat it, what to look for, and girls are generally also not diagnosed early enough, and so I noticed all this stuff in myself, but I also noticed it in the customers of the companies I was working for and um and so after I had my diagnosis, I had my daughter. I was working for a different startup and I got really sick with mold toxicity, um, which neurodivergent people are also more prone to get environmental.
Speaker 1:I just moved to a new apartment because I was affected by black mold and I'm like that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm glad you found a new space, cause that's really all you can do is like get the heck out of there. But yeah, it's pretty bad, yeah. So I yeah, I was working for a different startup and I got so sick that I like I couldn't function. I was just, I was just like on the floor pretty much and I started treating the mold. Then I started getting like basically, trauma flashbacks. I don't know if it was because I was finally like not working all the time and my body was like this is a good time to deal with this. Um, I was already forcing myself to rest. So, um, I just took like four months off of work, I quit the startup I was at and I focused just on trying like on healing, which I know is like a privilege, because the only reason I could do that is because I was able to quit my job and do it. It would have been really hard if I was still working all the time and I also had a baby, so I was taking care of her. Taking care of her and um, and that whole.
Speaker 2:Like those four months I just kept thinking about like what was missing in healthcare, like what I needed. I wasn't able to find what would have been supported to me, and it kept coming back to community, community, community, like I need people to help me and understand me. Um, and so that's what Divergently became, which is like a community space for late diagnosed neurodivergent women and the goal there is to provide peer support. So it was like have other women you can go to and talk to and share your experience with in a safe space, because you can't always like publicly go around saying you have ADHD or autism, can't always like publicly go around saying you have ADHD or autism. It's risky, like you could lose your job, it can damage, it can affect relationships. Not everyone can do that. But and then also providing all the resources so you're not like going to TikTok trying to figure out what's medical misinformation and what's true and like what strategies will work for you. It's like we put it all under one roof.
Speaker 1:I was diagnosed with a nonverbal learning disability at age nine and I was going to a private school at the time and they didn't want to. They just were like she has to go to private public school, like we can't help her. So I went to public school. And so I went to public school and you know, I got, you know I was put on an IEP and then I had, you know, like everyone in middle school. You know you get bullied. I had challenges. I had social challenges, like you do with a nonverbal learning disability not necessarily understanding social cues and then I went to high school private high school and it was the best decision for me because I'm smart, like just because I have this thing doesn't mean that I'm not smart, I just think differently. And the funny thing is, with a nonverbal learning disability, the diagnosis is that you have spatial awareness issues. But I was a competitive dancer. So when I leaned into the fact that I was in a very like, like a huge competitive high school, college prep, the first year was really hard and then I just found ways to get through the learning, like I realized I could memorize something if I walked back and forth, right, something really like mundane like that and I picked up tricks on how to take in information in a different way because it wasn't taught to me in that way and still perform very well on the stage and in school. Me, because by the time I got to college I had my tool sets.
Speaker 1:But, like you just said, like people don't understand, there's this like miscommunication, like this misconception about people that think differently and learn differently. And in education you are not, you know, taught in like for each type of subset of people that are thinking differently than you. And then in medicine it's the same thing. And part of the problem is is doctors don't look at you holistically mind, body, soul, right and they also don't spend enough time with you. And when you have cases like what I have, that's not even in the DSM-5, they don't even know how to properly treat it. So people can feel misunderstood on so many levels. And it's funny because when I tell people and, by the way, I don't tell many people because people are prejudiced against it they don't understand, they don't know what that means, but when I do, they're like I wouldn't even notice, right, and I'm lucky enough that I have a family that's supportive. That, you know, empowered me always told me I could do whatever I wanted to, as long as I worked hard enough that I've developed skillsets to overcome it.
Speaker 1:You know it sounds like you have too, but people need that community. You know, and like what you said about the mold, like I had no idea about that. You know, and I'm like, and it just so happened, I was like affected by black mold and I was able to come out of it, but I've been getting sick every two months from it because my, you know, I am building up my immune system again, but it's so nice to feel seen. That's why I wanted to have you on, because you know the work that you're doing is just so important and that's what we need. It helps.
Speaker 1:It starts with community, like helping people feel less alone, and the only way to de-stigmatize is by talking about it. That's why I talk about my experience and people get they're shocked when I say the word rape, but the reality is that the only way to de-stigmatize mental health or neurodivergent people, people that just think differently, right Is by just talking about it. So you know. So I'd love to dive deeper into what your platform and and ways that you know you've helped build people together, but I'm curious what you've noticed and what your advice is for adults, for women and for men, for anybody that are going through. You know really what we go through with, like learning differently and seeing the world differently, which I actually think is an asset, by the way, and they're going through it for the first time as adults. Like, what's your advice on building out a wellness routine and or asking for help?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the thing that comes up the most is self-compassion, and I feel like it's a really valuable wellness or like self-care strategy or tool, or like self-care strategy or tool. Dr Kristen Neff has a lot of really good research and thinking on self-compassion, so that's a good resource. But so many of the women and I hear from men too a lot actually come saying that the diagnosis for them was like a very big sigh of relief because they've been basically like shaming themselves and almost like drill sergeant voice in their head of like you're not good enough, you need to try harder, you need to do better. You you're a mess up Like, and you get those messages from the outside world when you're um, I think every human gets them actually.
Speaker 2:But if you have a neurodivergent brain and you do think differently or you do learn differently and you're self-aware of that but you don't know why, it's almost like it's almost like the experience of being gaslit all the time but you're like doing it to yourself and so I don't even think like a lot of the wellness strategies can stick, Like it's hard to already like do a fitness routine or you know different strategies until you, like you said earlier, have like a baseline self-love or self-kindness that you can extend to you, to yourself, to make you want to do it, like um. Otherwise, you're just doing things because you feel like you have to or you should, or you're doing it for to protect yourself from a negative consequence from other people. And when you're a kid or a teen you can maybe sustain that. But when you're 40 and you have your own kids and you have a high pressure career, you just burn out.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's so interesting and it's so disheartening that the world's views education and brains in one particular way, because that's not the same case for any other scenario or any other sector. Right, and I grew up just being ridiculously stubborn, like I knew that I saw the world differently. Like I'll give you an example, I have major social anxiety. First week in college, everyone was out socializing. I was like get me out of here. And work was always something that I leaned to homework, like work that I do. Like I, just because it's I like a good routine. Like I love that. I love a good routine. I like that I can rely on myself. And my dad calls me this is like first week and he's like so how's your weekend going? And he's like and I'm on, and I'm like looking, I'm on my laptop, I'm going ahead in the syllabus. This is like 8 PM on a Saturday night, cause that's what all the cool kids are doing, right. And he's like you're doing work, right. I'm like yeah, no, no, I'm not. But it was just something that I leaned into, you know, and I'm lucky that I was able to get past that and over that, right, um, but I, because I'm so curious, like you're so curious. I'm like, what are things that just feel so good in my body? Like what are coping mechanisms that I can use for myself that can just help me get through? And I'm leaning into my quirks. Like I love a good routine.
Speaker 1:Like you know a lot of founders, they have trouble finding routine. I'm someone that's a very literal person, so I create myself a schedule like very militant militant. Like I wake up at this time, I do this at this time. It works for me. And the things that I'm not as good at, which is socializing right, I have a lot of trouble with.
Speaker 1:Like, um, you know just conversations. Like you know just small talk. I'm like, when is this going to be done? You know, um, I work on that and my dad's been a huge advocate for me my whole life, um, in ways that I'm so grateful, um, but he, he helps me out a lot with that. You know you're like writing little notes, like little sticky notes. Like you know, what can we talk about? You know what I mean and I have friends I've been friends with for a really long time that you know. We can talk about anything. It's about comfort, but I do think that it is possible like to to, if you have the support system, which is which is the point of what you're building is like that support system of like what works and what doesn't work. So let me know if I can support what you're up with. With.
Speaker 2:Divergently. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. It's true. Like I think support is the main different differentiator and like whether somebody does okay and feels okay and whether they don't. And almost every person in the community that I've talked to, they're like I don't want to be fixed, I don't want to be like cured, I just want support for for what's coming up. So we just launched the company about two weeks ago, like a very soft launch, and I have like our first cohort of members joining and so we're going to get them set up and then do some really fun programming. Like we're going to do um, help everybody get their environment set up.
Speaker 2:So, like after you get a diagnosis, like one of the things you start thinking about is like is all this stuff around me helping me or causing me more stress? And so it's like little things. Like if you have ADHD, putting your stuff in clear bins is going to be really helpful. Like adopting minimalism it might be helpful, or adding more joy, like art, color, whatever, to your space to give you some of that like stimulation that you might need. Like you said, it helps you to memorize by pacing, so we can talk about different strategies for how do you work now, now that you have your diagnosis and you can learn more about your brain, like what strategies can you apply?
Speaker 2:And one of them is movement and so helping women like adopt some kind of movement into their day, if they don't already have it. So we have lots of workshops like really great experts coming. We have a there's a woman on my advisory board who's a professor and a social researcher and she does work on friendship. So she talks a lot about like the relationship piece, how to, how to have those social ties like in adulthood, especially if you're starting new ones. And there's I have an executive functioning coach who can talk about like how do you sustain your focus, how do you like stay on top of your schedule, and that kind of thing. So, yeah, we're just like getting women resourced but also all in one room so we can like hang out and have friends and have that that social support system.
Speaker 1:I love that and again, like I know what I'm good at, I know what I'm not good at and I asked to embrace who we are and our quirks and all the things. So, through four or five, I have so many coaches, so many like therapists. If I can help in any way, let me know. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone that also understands. Unless you have lived it, it feels so different. So I'm here to support you in any way and we always close with this, um, with this question. I love it. It wraps it in a bow and one word what do you want to be?
Speaker 2:remembered for Kindness, for sure. Yeah, thank you, kendra, this was great Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to. I Feel you a Fortify Wellness production where we empower mind, body and soul to reach new heights. Your wellbeing is your greatest strength. Nurture it, honor it and watch yourself thrive. If today's episode inspired you, subscribe, share your thoughts in the comments and come back next week for more insights. Elevate your journey, stay empowered, stay true and remember you're not alone. I feel you is a fortified wellness production. All rights reserved 2025.