I Feel You, A Fortify Wellness Production
Bettina Mahoney the Founder/CEO of @atfortifywellness is a rape survivor who started her brand after struggling to not only find a therapist, but multiple mediums to heal through her trauma. Fortify Wellness is a 360 holistic platform offering therapy, coaching, fitness, and meditation on one subscription platform. We dive deep with our trailblazing guests about overcoming adversity.
I Feel You, A Fortify Wellness Production
Championing Your Inner Child: Leadership Lessons with Crystelle Desnoyer
Our discussion delves into the delicate balance of masculine and feminine energies in leadership roles, highlighting how such dynamics can influence team culture and business growth. Crystelle's insight into cultivating supportive environments showcases a community's profound impact on individuals and organizations alike. With her rich experience scaling tech companies and supporting women in business, Crystelle inspires us to embrace vulnerability, prioritize self-care, and create meaningful connections.
More about Crystelle Desnoyer:
Crystelle Desnoyer is the former Chief of Staff to the CEO at Techstars and at Kyndryl (Public company spin-off of IBM) to their consulting business. With experience scaling 27 tech firms and in e-commerce, management consulting, and venture capital firms, she brings a multi-layered perspective to teams needing rapid execution and rapid growth. She serves on the Board of La French Tech New York and is active in networks supporting women executives, investors and founders. Passionate about giving back, Crystelle advises early-stage founders and curates programming for global conferences. She also values community and runs the Chief of Staff group (Fortune 1000) within CHIEF as well as an NYC tech community builder group. Having lived in 10 countries, crossed the Atlantic on a sail boat during the pandemic, she is also a certified rescue scuba diver, tango dancer, and speaks five languages.
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Welcome to I Feel you a Fortify Wellness production season seven, where we explore the real stories and strategies that help you strengthen your mind, body and soul. I'm Bettina Mahoney, your guide on this journey to a healthier, more vibrant you. Here's a quick reminder. This information shared today is for your inspiration and knowledge, but always consult a healthcare provider for any medical concerns.
Speaker 1:I am so excited to welcome Christelle De Noyer, the former chief of staff to the CEO at Techstars and at Kindrel, a public company spinoff of IBM, to their consulting business. With experience scaling 27 tech firms and in e-commerce, management, consulting and venture capital firms, she brings a multi-layered perspective to teams needing rapid expansion and rapid growth. She serves on the board of LaFrench Tech New York and is active in networks supporting women executives, investors and founders. Passionate about giving back, christelle advises early stage founders and curates programming for global conferences. She also values community and runs the chief of staff group, fortune 1000, within chief, as well as the New York City Tech Community Builder Group. Having lived in 10 countries, crossed the Atlantic on a sailboat during the pandemic. She's also a certified rescue scuba diver, tango dancer and speaks five languages. Please welcome Christelle. Hi, christelle. Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. How are you?
Speaker 2:Hi, bettina, super excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited. Okay, so you have built, scaled and advised countless companies. And when you strip all of that away, all of your fancy titles, who are you at your core?
Speaker 2:Who am I? A seven-year-old little girl that's super adventurous and that loves having fun.
Speaker 1:Oh, I feel like your inner child's coming out. I wasn't expecting that. That's beautiful.
Speaker 2:I have photos actually on my desk of me as a baby and me as a toddler. My therapist recommended I do that so you take care of yourself a little bit better. When you're a bit of an overachiever, you have a tendency to forget yourself, right.
Speaker 1:I'll have to send you a photo of me at like three years old, wearing leopard pants in my head because I didn't have any hair.
Speaker 2:I can only imagine the image. I can't wait to see that.
Speaker 1:Wow, if your younger version of you could talk, what would she say to you?
Speaker 2:It's a great question. I would say thank you for protecting me and thank you for making my dreams come true.
Speaker 1:I'm very open about how I started my business. I survived a trauma and, being a solution finder like those leopard pants, I wanted to create a 360 degree approach to healing. And adversity doesn't always come or stem from trauma At least we hope it doesn't but it's a powerful catalyst for growth and if we lean into it, there's opportunity there. So can you share a moment for me where adversity shaped you to who you are today, whether it's business or in life?
Speaker 2:I mean every day. Being a New Yorker, there's so many I mean I can go back to. You know, trauma I always tell this to all my founders right? Trauma is what's going to define your tolerance for pain and the level of it and how much you're going to do for that company that you're building, right?
Speaker 2:So my trauma as a child was that my father was an alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. So we had to suck it up and, being in France, growing up in France, you couldn't just leave because otherwise it would be a 50-50 custody and just like a lot of those situations, you know, my mom felt that it was safer for her to be there as opposed to, you know, having to send me off with him 50% of my time. So you know, those situations happen all the time and you hear those stories quite often. Unfortunately, especially during the pandemic, domestic violence increased a lot. So you know that defined the fact that I never wanted to be financially dependent on another human and that I wanted to go and live my freedom, because being stuck as a teenager in a household where, you know, happiness wasn't really our day to day. I wanted to go build a life where those dreams would come true and live it fully and live it like every day was the last, which can be quite exhausting. So there's a bit of balance to strike there which I feel. I've started to kind of shift a little bit more in my 30s to achieve that balance.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I would say that would be one that was quite huge. But another one would be immigrating to the US. I have an accent and I have a British accent, but unfortunately and that's positive discrimination Usually we were talking about it at the dinner table yesterday where you have a British accent, you're immediately perceived as smarter, more reliable, etc. Which is complete positive bias and things like that. It's really scary, especially at the times that we are in today. A lot of people are very nervous and stressed out because there's a lot of aspects of their lives that's outside of their control, already being on a visa, but you know there's a lot of turmoil right now in that scene as well.
Speaker 1:I understand that. Stress my, my fiance, is on an H-1B so he works for a big consulting firm, but it is a little scary, you know, it can be a little uneasy for sure, and he's one of the lucky ones that H1 is close to impossible to get.
Speaker 2:He says yes.
Speaker 1:And I want to address this because I was thinking about this a lot as we were leading up to this chat that we're having. I'm really quick to pick up on energy and your energy right now and the last time I saw you in person was so positive, so warm. And when did I meet you at the gala? Was it in September, october?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was in October. Yeah, it was at the summit of the fourth effect.
Speaker 1:Your energy is always amazing. You seemed stressed. You seemed like you had a lot going on. What shifted for you in that time that changed your energy so dramatically?
Speaker 2:I mean, I think, when you're building things that you've never done before. So I was producing, I was just coming out of producing EdTech Week with Ash um 2300 attendees. That was the biggest event I had ever produced and I brought on. I had been brought on board roughly a month before the event and the last day so it was a three day thing and the last day was 12 different events throughout the entire city. So it's something that's quite epic to do and exciting, but also quite scary and very tiring, right. So we were coming out of a full week worth of event hiring, right? So we were coming out of a full week worth of event. And then, simultaneously, I was also working for the Harvard Business Schools Club in New York, so pitching sponsors for their events, alumni events so also something that's quite stressful. Given the timeline that I had to do that.
Speaker 2:And on top of that, I was just starting a new role as a chief of staff for a fortune company Fortune 241, if I'm not mistaken. So yeah, there's a lot going on all simultaneously and that's the life of a fractional, you know, when you have multiple lives in one and you have high stamina and you're doing things that are uncomfortable. Onboarding for any role is uncomfortable, uh, onboarding for any role is uncomfortable. And uh, onboarding for for a large company when, frankly, it was the first time I was working for a fortune company, um, and just getting used to using microsoft that I hadn't used in a decade, right? So I think a lot of discomfort was probably what you felt then and I love discomfort.
Speaker 1:I love leaning into it. It's fun for me. You know what I can tell. It's you like to lean into it as well? That's why you're so aware of yourself and strong in that way. And I want to talk about failure. Okay, when you felt like you were failing, not just professionally but personally, what pulled you out of it? How are you so mentally tough?
Speaker 2:I'm still in the middle of failing, so I have no idea, um, it's not being tough because I. It's something that I work really hard on no longer being, because it's an energy thing that people feel and it's not so welcoming, right, especially as a female, unfortunately, uh, especially on a on a leadership, um level. So I think it's more about just being hopeful and giving grace to yourself, um, while you're giving grace to others, and it's really just surrendering to. Okay, this morning I got out of bed, I made my bed and I had breakfast, and if I did that, then I'm winning, right. And so it's a small things that if you can be your own cheer leader for those really, really small things that you can somewhat easily achieve, although sometimes getting out of bed is like hard.
Speaker 2:You know, I just came out of a recent breakup, so on top of all the professional stuff that's been going on, like, there's a lot of that personal emotional turmoil as well, and so I think, if you can just take it one day at a time and be graceful, I think that's probably the best way you feel good.
Speaker 2:One of them is that I need a friend or someone that I love to take me out for ice cream. I discovered that recently and that's been working quite well, because then you feel nurtured and cared for right. This weekend I'm going to South Carolina to visit a friend who is very nurturing by nature and she has three dogs and she lives by the beach and given that I'm an ocean person, I'm a rescue diver, et cetera, just finding those things that kind of make you go forward and re-enjoy and love life, despite everything around you crumbling or, you know, going a bit south or sideways and so, and life reminds you every day that you have zero control, by the way, and sometimes you just want a little bit of that to feel safe. So if you can find other ways to make yourself feel safe, and one day at a time, I think that's what works for me.
Speaker 1:Wow, I love ice cream. That's so sweet. It feels like every day you're finding a way to really take care of that inner child, the younger version of yourself.
Speaker 2:I fail a lot. I try, I try.
Speaker 1:What is something that people would assume is effortless, but is something in your mind. You worked really really hard for that you fought for.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I became an event producer somehow and people have been encouraging me to do this for a while and, frankly, my former CEO is the one who called it a year ago, april last year she was like, why don't you do this? I said and this is where my ego got in the way. I was like event production, but you don't really need to use this to kind of do that, which wasn't fair to event producers, right? But frankly, I didn't know better at the time and it was so natural to me that I was like I can do this in my sleep, um, and so I think, um, you know, once I've done edtech week and started really getting there, like I'm just starting to potentially produce an event for NASA, for instance, right, which is ridiculous. I'm pinching myself, like this morning I woke up with a text message and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. Um, so I think I'm doing the work now. I'm smack in the middle of it, so I can't even answer this question. Maybe you'll have to ask it to me again in a year and then I'll be able to answer that, because I'm doing the work now without realizing, and I think people just see me as a really good content and event producer and I still have this weird imposter syndrome and I'm still building those habits and mechanisms and playbook. So I would say that Separately, having built so many companies companies, I didn't realize I had built a playbook until I started consulting.
Speaker 2:And so when I realized I was doing that plus all my full-time roles, and I sat there I was like my playbook is literally applicable to all of them. Um, so it's under art of scaling right, the five pillars of scaling that I talk a lot about, and it's just understanding that I've actually built 27 companies before I turned 35. And it's just ridiculous and to me it's so natural because I'm like, yeah, I did it and others are like that's insane. So I think it's more about the experience and exposing myself very early in my career and frankly, I had to because I didn't have access to the big four consulting firms, which is a standard career path when you come out of business school because I wasn't on a visa. So I had to get creative and I was exposed to a lot and you know my, my CEOs encouraged me to do a lot and let me do my thing as well. They realized that was quite entrepreneurial by myself, and so they were like setting the North Star and the rest of it.
Speaker 2:I was on my own and I loved it Right. So I think it's just exposing yourself early to experiences, and as many as possible, and try to accumulate all the different aspects of something that you want to do. Right now I'm reading Unreasonable Hospitality and he was very intentional about his career, will Goddara so I would recommend that as well, and generally, I think, being able to just talk about it, communicate about what you're learning and sharing it with others, because they will learn through your own experience, and so I think those are the things that I've learned to do and people appreciate.
Speaker 1:And when I found out that you're going to be an event producer, I'm like oh duh, like I think everyone felt that way Like yep, the sky's blue and Chriselle's doing this, and it is like a no brainer because you're. I always talk about energy. Your energy is so strong and people gravitate towards you and you are a doer and you're a really strong woman and I feel really inspired by the work that you do as the next generation. Building out a company for myself and being a doer and making stuff happen out of thin air. That's essentially what you're doing as a founder. You're building the plane while you're flying it.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it. I'm blushing right now, but, um, thank you that. That was very sweet. Um, I think what I care about the most and and that's what I do, and we would talk about that just before coming on is hospitality is really a thing, and that's why I'm reading this book right now and and community building is really what I like doing, and so that's why I ended up becoming a chief of staff, because, well, there were multiple reasons to that, but one of them was because I just really love building that spirit and that fun and that culture, because work can't be boring, right? And if it is, then it's really sad and that's something that nobody wants right. So I think building cultures and focusing on the people as an individual is really really important, because, at the end of the day, I've built so many teams and companies and I couldn't have done it with any of them like without any of them, sorry and so nurturing everyone's inner child is something that I really truly enjoy doing. So I think it just comes from within that you know, making people happy and supporting them and developing them through their careers and coaching them and the mentorship and things like that. It's something that I really like doing, because it's also a give back right.
Speaker 2:I got a lot of support when I came here. I knew no one. I came here, I had 90 days to find an internship, otherwise I would get kicked out. And I got support. And I have a story, actually, if that's interesting to you, where I was at a networking event.
Speaker 2:I had absolutely nothing to lose and I saw this woman from across the room and she was wearing a necklace a little bit like this, and this necklace actually showed me that either she was Turkish or Middle Eastern. And there is something cultural about the Turks, for instance, that if you go to them and you ask them for help, they will literally take you into their homes, feed you and take care of you. And so I just went towards her and I said, hey, I just got here, I'm three weeks in, I'm looking for my first internship. I know no one. Do you happen to be Turkish?
Speaker 2:And she said yes, and she ended up telling me that she was in the marketing team of Colgate major company, et cetera. She took me under her wing, introduced me to a bunch of people. She ended up leaving New York City after a good decade, only three months later, so unfortunately I lost her uh as a support system, but she was my first person to kind of lean onto and just open the gates for me, and so I asked my mom to get me one so I could have other young women find me just through that. So I've been wearing this. It's been 14 years now. So, yeah, I think just supporting people and loving human beings and being there for them is something that I really enjoy doing.
Speaker 1:I love what you're talking about with branding and leading a strong team, and that was my strategy for building Fortify because, again, you're a startup. What is going to make people really gravitate towards what you're building? And for me, it's my story. I survived a rape and it changed my life and I wanted to help other people through my platform. And what's to help other people through my platform? And what's so interesting is I like to make people feel really good about themselves.
Speaker 1:I don't care if they're a board member, an executive team, a professional. I always say I want them to feel like they're at Disney worlds. I want them to feel really, really excited and what brings everyone together at the core is this mission, and you can't buy that. You can't buy like your board member texting you at 10 o'clock at night, going I had this idea for this deal or whatever it is. Or you don't have like staff members on your app, like texting you or email you on a Saturday, going like I'm so excited to start this. I have this idea. You know it's like that's what you want to build and it's so challenging to build it, but I am a firm believer.
Speaker 1:I don't care how much technology advances AI, people connect to human, to human experiences, and no matter how advanced we get, we are a technology company. I don't care. I want everyone to feel like they are a part of something much bigger and their purpose and they matter, and so that was something that I took a lot of time to cultivate, something that maybe people notice is like a secret sauce to the business, but it's something that I really care about, because you can't have a brand in the wellness industry if it's a toxic environment. And I'm always saying to people how can I support you? Do you feel appreciated? Do you like working here? Do you you know like, how can I support you? How can I help you?
Speaker 2:And whenever I can also pay it forward back to them, it makes I feel honored because you've given so much to me you know and I find that wonderful that you're intentional about it A lot of the companies, actually, when I go in, there's always a little culture piece that goes into it, because you're busy on the doing, you're busy on the masculine energy which is execution, and you don't have the playbook. So you're very, very busy, right, and you're so busy that you forget to ask you know the team that's actually doing it how are you doing? Did you sleep last night? Like you seem a bit tired, are you sick? Kind of thing. Like, is there anything I can do for you?
Speaker 2:You know, and having each other's back is something that, um, people forget, um, unfortunately, and there's there's in today's world, there's no loyalty to, to humans, and it's it's really sad, it makes it very superficial and people feel lonelier, et cetera.
Speaker 2:And the whole remote thing is hard and people just work on Slack and they say, oh, we work remote and I'm like, no, you need to build a whole culture around that.
Speaker 2:You need to be intentional, you need to have someone that actually wakes up and focuses on that specifically, because, at the end of the day, morale is what you know, does everything, even at the Army, they figured that out. So that's a lot of the thing, and this is where vets are really helpful in coaching founders, for instance, and reminding them what's important and what's sustainable, because in the VC type of mindset, everything's now or yesterday as opposed to okay, let's think a bit more down the road, and that's why female founders are more successful and more resilient, etc. Because they're a bit more in the longevity of things and a bit more like 360 uh, in building companies. So, um, that's something that's super important to remind and uh, yeah, being intentional about building a culture making people feel good, um, and supporting them, and that servant leadership is helpful. I wouldn't say 100% of the time, but it is helpful in making people feel seen, especially in this remote world, for sure.
Speaker 1:And I think it's interesting. You talk about the masculine energy versus the feminine energy and I'm getting used to balancing both of them. I'm getting used to balancing both of them, and very hard, but I it's possible. Do you think it's harder for women in talk to lean into that? I don't like to generalize, but do you think it's harder to lean into the masculine, speaking from your experience, or do you feel like you're better at it?
Speaker 2:I've been so focused on execution and learning how to execute that I was very much in my masculine energy in my 20s and just building stuff. I didn't have a lot of leeway into creativity in that I was figuring things out but I wasn't being super creative about it. I think being more in my 30s and having more experience and, you know, being a fraction or not working for anyone else than myself, you get to be a lot more creative, and that's what's been. Interesting is that I've been thinking about that a lot is that I'm a lot more tired at the end of the day or I can't be like doing my crunching, my 16 hour days that I used to, because it's just a different part of my brain that's functioning and that's a lot more creative and a bit more of a muscle I need to build out. So I think it's different for everyone.
Speaker 2:You have a lot more creatives. You hire for your weaknesses. I always hired for the creativity on my end because I was more the operator right, so so you need to know yourself pretty well in order to build teams. That makes sense, um, but I really enjoy the creativity right now and so I think the creativity is a feminine energy and and um, a lot of the founders have it right, um, and then the operators are more masculine.
Speaker 2:So I think it's as a founder, especially as a woman it's balancing both, in that you either want to pick one and you want to design it intentionally, like you want to say, okay, I want to be more creative the next year, right, and so 80% of all the stuff I'm doing is going to be in that space. So that means I need to hire to support for all the other stuff or design it differently. I'm an operator, like I'm good at it, but I'm going to hire for all the creativity stuff and I'm totally okay with that, right. So I think it's really being centered in what you're good at, what you like doing and what you recognize. You know the Iki Kai kind of framework, where the world recognizes you for something, a superpower and so you create your own flywheel and all the rest is basically delegated.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, I think, growing up as an artist, I started dancing and acting at two and a half. I look at problems like, oh you know, I don't. I don't need to go and follow the book, I can create my own. I can write my own book and create a problem self. I'm doing that constantly. That's what you're doing as a founder. You're constantly problem solving and I enjoy it. I love it. I love calling up my lead developer and going how do we? We need this by this date. How do we get it done? What can we do to get it done? That's my favorite thing in the world. I love doing that.
Speaker 2:I think it's so much fun and I'm really brain candy, right, like when you're, especially when you're an operator and being a problem solver and you know, as we said, everything comes from our trauma and generally if you're highly traumatized, then you're a good problem solver because you have to figure out a way to survive until today.
Speaker 1:Right, because it's like after every like, after the big trauma, it's like, um well, that's cute, like I can handle anything, the tolerance for pain increases, right.
Speaker 2:but it's not just that, it's um on top of that, you you kind of want as a founder. You feel like a failure every day and you're a misfit to society. That's why you're building your own thing is because you go into a job and you're just either bored, or your ideas are better but you're not recognized, or toxic environment and you don't want to put up with it, or it could be a number of things, but you're a misfit as a founder. And so it's hard to recognize that and say I'm a misfit and I'm proud of it kind of thing. And that's why I'm going to go do my own thing.
Speaker 2:And that's what happened recently is that I left this insane, amazing on paper corporate job after three months because I was like this is not something that I'm going to get brain candy from right, Like I'm going to get brain candy if I'm free, if I'm able to really be in my superpowers, which I'm not going to be able to in this specific job, in this specific company. And so you know, being brave enough to be like, OK, I'm not going to do this, I'm going to build my own thing now is something that every founder should be proud of day one, because the journey ahead is a tough one. And so if you can be proud of yourself and do that, you know self-love and self-care and you know giving yourself that grace every day because it's definitely a daily journey I think then you're winning every day, right?
Speaker 1:You're so brave for doing that. Most people, I feel like our body just gets, feeds us information every day and and I went through a period of time where I didn't love myself enough to listen and now I do and you were listening to your body and the signals in your body going like it's time to leave and when it's time, that's when you have to make that decision for yourself, for your own wellness, I think, is so important.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I mean that's the thing when you're a bit too in touch with your inner child, you can't really hide how you feel, so so it gets you in trouble. It gets me in trouble quite often.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited to hear you say that, that, that that is just something that I am so in touch with and I talk about all the time and people look at me like I'm a good like granola, like earthy crunchies. I'm so excited to hear you say that because it's so important.
Speaker 2:Um and, to be fair, I'm definitely a granola, a little bit of that, but but I think it's cultural and you've probably seen this, like the French people are very expressive right with their face. It's like the kind of thing and like there's a lot of the you know looks like that, it's very, very expressive. So, unfortunately, I think I have that on top of being just, you know, a sensitive human and and just wearing my heart on my sleeve and being expressive.
Speaker 1:So so I'm curious, as we wrap this amazing conversation into a nice bow in one word what is the legacy you want to leave behind?
Speaker 2:oh, um, I mean, I'm working on it right now actually, and I ended up stumbling upon it and doing it naturally. Right now there's this group that I've built called the Community Builders Community, and a lot of people are asking how people get in, and it's terrible because the answer is they're either my friends and we have the same values, and there's a vibe check that either passes or fails. That's literally how I recruit, which is hard because there's a lot of room for bias, right, um, but at the end of the day, that group is the most powerful in the New York City tech ecosystem, where they're supporting one another, and it took a while, right, for everyone to get to know one another and and understand everybody's goals and things like that. But there's this every day. The messages are in that group are so active and so loving and caring and supportive and give first. That already just watching that and being a witness to that every day is really, really great makes me a bit emotional, actually.
Speaker 2:Um, and then the second thing that you know that I'm working on, you got to know and find out as one of the first probably 20 people. Um, I think bringing people together and supporting them and what they're building is really key, uh, in order to focus on the freedom that everyone deserves. Um, I'm a rebel, just like any founder, and I think I embrace it today more than ever, and supporting rebels to be the best rebel they can be is really what I'm looking to do, so I'll tell you more later.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that, and I need to take you to get ice cream.
Speaker 2:I love that. I'd love that this weekend for sure.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for coming on and really being vulnerable and opening up to me. I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 2:Likewise. Thanks so much for all the questions and be intentional with them. And uh, and just digging deep, you know this is definitely not a superficial conversation and uh, and you got me to get a little bit teary eyed, so thank you for that.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to. I Feel you fortify wellness production, where we empower mind, body and soul to reach new heights. Your wellbeing is your greatest strength. Nurture it, honor it and watch yourself thrive. If today's episode inspired you, subscribe, share your thoughts in the comments and come back next week for more insights. Elevate your journey, stay empowered, stay true and remember you're not alone. I Feel you is a Fortify Wellness production. All rights reserved 2025.